Received Tuesday, December 2, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I have a bit of a situation at work I would like some advice on. I'm starting my 3rd year with a family but have known them and have done occasional babysitting for them for about 5 years. I left a long term position (8 years) to come to this job. Things are now starting to change, as is what generally happens. I was wooed a bit because they had such a large nanny turnover for the 5 years I knew them (nearly 6 in that time).
At first things were great, the boys are difficult but I had been blessed at my former position with extremely great kids so I saw it as a challenge. The first flag was when I wanted to take both kids to the zoo ( I live in suburban NYC) and a two day discussion was needed by the parents. I found this odd but had a lot of freedom in my old job so took it in stride. This is how everything is becoming. I can do nothing fun with the boys on vacation days and we hardly ever go on outings. When the parents are home it's like I am to be cleaning and not playing with the kids although they want to play with me. I've gone from cleaning one day per week to more and more as the boys have gone to school (the youngest 3 full days). I agreed to clean, but one day/week. They are getting ever more controling and making me feel subservient. I have 13 years of experience and am a highly capable nanny. I know what to do and how to do it with very little direction yet the mother seems to want to dictate to me things I already know. Like she enjoys giving me orders and gets mad when I tell her I already know.
They recently helped me out of a financial situation and I am paying them back weekly so I am grateful. They can be at times very nice people but it's not consistent. She is sometimes nice and kind and other times barely speaks to me or is very short with me.
I clean, cook, look after the children 3 full days, make sure all homework is done, bathe the kids, do laundry, run errands and work nearly a 60 hour week for which I am paid $640 on the books. Given their previous situation I would think they would be thankful to have someone who knows what to do and loves their difficult children even though they can treat me badly but they seem not to be. I was not even offered a raise this year. Do parents want a take charge individual or do they want a servant who needs direct orders every day? I feel trapped here and in this economy do not know where I would find a job but this one gets more and more constricting. I understand I work for them but in all of my nanny years have not felt so much like household "help" as I do here. They claim to love me but these words are not backed by actions. Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks!
Sorry, but now that they made you a loan they think they own you. You shouldn't have muddied the waters by taking that money.
ReplyDeleteSome people just are control freaks, and the fact that they'd had 6 nannies in five years should have told you there was more than just "difficult kids" going on here. If the nannies had a good relationship with the parents, ONE of them would have stayed longer.
The only advice I've got is to start looking for another job on the QT, and when you find one, reassure them you'll continue to pay them back even though you are leaving.
I dealt with the same situation in my last (ever) nanny position. After wondering for a while why the mom had seemed to lose confidence in my abilities I came to the conclusion that it was just too hard for her to see someone else running her house and raising her children and doing a better job of it than she could handle. (She didn't even work and I was there full time.) Hence the control issues, maybe she thought if she could micromanage me she was somehow playing a bigger part in the lives of her family.
ReplyDeleteIt's def. not a healthy situation for you to be in, as when someone constantly second guesses you and directs your every move it effects your confidence in your own ability. I would move on if I were you.
Are you live in? $10 an hour seems very low for NYC. I think from your description of the mom and the fact that they have had so many nannies, this is a situation that won't be improved by communication. I understand not wanting to leave in this economy, but are you sure the other nannies weren't fired? YOu may be no more secure at your job.
ReplyDeleteI am a nanny, but after some bad experiences I no longer work for parents who either work from the home or are SAHM/D's. It is just too hard for two chiefs to be in the house!
ReplyDeleteI would pay off my debt if you can bear it...and in the meantime search for a new family. If you cannot bear this job anymore, assure the parents you will repay them and hopefully they will not get all mean about it.
Good Luck.
Next time, try not to accept a job where the other parent is in the home. It is SO much easier when they are at work and you can take more initiative.
Good Luck.
I think the issue here is that they know you owe them money so they can hold that over you. If I were you I would sit down with them and act like an adult, simply state that you realize you owe them money but that you feel like you are being treated as a servent and you would like to rectify those issues. have notes on the issues you would like to discuss and take notes on how those issues are to be handled in the future. be prepared to say you feel you are in over your head and can't be both a nanny and housekeeper and they need to decide what is more important, the kids or the house. ask them for how they would like the schedule and issues to go, and be prepared to state how you would like the situation to be handled and then try to come to an agreement. If you feel by the end of the meeting there has been no agreement, simply state that maybe you could sit down in a month or two and rediscuss everything and if by that point you feel you can't handle it anymore, then you can give your notice then.
ReplyDeleteYou are under paid and over worked. I would say it wasn't a good fit, but it is probably more a case of a job no nanny would love.
ReplyDeleteIf I were in your shoes, I would get the loan paid back as quickly as possible, and then look for a new job.
Actually, the economic situation isn't necessarily a bad one for well qualified nannies. Professional women are making sure they hang on to their jobs, and know how important a dependable nanny is!
I think there are 2 issues here: 1. this family doesn't know how to work well with a nanny and 2. the money issue has soured what could have been a workable if not good situation.
ReplyDeleteI really think that a nanny/parent relationship can be a great PROFESSIONAL relationship, when done right. But, at the end of the day, it's an exchange of services for wages, just like a lawyer, a painter, a doctor, or a plumber (or you fill in the job category...) If you mess up the connection between wages and services, there's bound to be trouble.
I'd recommend that the OP start looking for a job now. If any debt remains when you leave this position, hand them a written loan repayment "promise" with very manageable terms when you tell them that you are leaving, and then stick to it, even if it's $5/week. This will leave them with a positive impression of you, which could be important the next time you're looking for a job!
And I completely agree that now isn't actually a bad time to be looking for a nanny job, as many mothers realize they can't afford to put their own jobs at risk with unreliable child care.
Go back to the nice family. These ones are big gross asses and now you are beholden to them. Sucks to your asmar.
ReplyDelete640 for 60 hours? I think you need to be getting more money for all you do. Now I wonder if they are taking advantage of you because of the loan but you said that was just recently and this has been going on.
ReplyDeleteI would have taken the fact that they have had 6 nannies in 6 years as a warning sign. The mom seems very controlling. You probably need to sit down with her and say you agreed to cleaning one day a week and if she wants you to clean more then you need more money.
I could never ask anyone for money. I mean we have, like family, etc. Its the worst feeling. Not fun asking for help. But I can't imagine asking my boss for financial assistance. Its true when you get to that point, they look down upon you. Even when I ask to borrow money from my relatives, I can see how they treat me different. Like we are losers or something
ReplyDeleteWow, that's a heck of a lot of work! You shouldn't have allowed it to get this far because it may be harder for you to get them to back down. You should really talk to them about going back to one day a week for housework. I seriously doubt they will pay you more, especially if you didn't get a raise this year.
ReplyDeleteStart saving ketchup packets.
ReplyDeleteI had a job in retail once which started out being just the cashier. Gradually they increased my duties: opening the store, closing the store, carrying a key, doing the books, doing bank deposits, etc. They never gave me a single raise, as if I should just be so proud to have such responsibilities! Nonetheless, when my paycheck bounced, I was outta there. The store was closed and bankrupt within months.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your bosses are having money problems and want to get all they can out of you before your paycheck bounces.....or maybe they are just asses.
P.s. What is looking for a job on the "QT" mean?
"On the QT" means looking for a job quietly without alerting the family that you are planning to leave.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I have a friend that is a nanny of 14 years. She does LIGHT housekeeping plus some extra each day, but it is not required of her. She is allowed to take the kids wherever she wants, and of course no one monitors what she does when she is home with the kids. She is very respected and appreciated at her position. For Christmas she gets $500 cash, a week off paid and Tiffany's jewelry.(I am jealous, but she deserves it!)
ReplyDeleteI believe you are probably every bit as wonderful a nanny as my friend. I KNOW that you can find better. There is no reason for you to be required to clean so much or have your activities restricted.
There are families out there that will swoop you up in a heartbeat and spoil you the way you spoil them.