Taken Down and Rising Up - Working With Kids

I am Leigh, the blog owner and I have been in the hospital for almost a month. Myself and 2 of the admins are in out late 40's while many of you contributors are young, pretty, talented, and hard working ( all that may be true but I'm still buttering you up because we were out of pocket - hope it works a little bit! ;)  The problem is heart related, routine, and they had to take lots of tests and it was the WRONG time to get sick as the doctors were in various stages of being out of town, so we hope we can be given a little bit of a pass from our loyal, talented, awesome, experienced,wise, articulate readers.

My illness has affected my job with children for at least 2 years. The illness is Congestive Heart Failure which may not present for years. 2-3 years ago it started getting harder to walk distances to the site of our children's events, I would schedule myself the indoor jobs with close parking ( this  is called  " compensating " ), I would get friends and fellow workers to help me carry child oriented equipment, i would give the most strenuous jobs to others and etc.

Finally a fluid build up started which had to be addressed, it was getting harder and harder to walk and breath , for 2 weeks I could only do jobs with the kids which involved sitting - like telling stories,so over this period of time I have had an amazing amount of fluid taken from me, and I will still have to have another surgery .

So - TELL US ABOUT YOUR ILLNESSES! How they affected your work with kids and how you overcame it - or any other thing that comes to mind

we are very committed to the blog even though we are not perfect ;) - this came out of left field and my 2 assistants have been concentrating on myself, and the children and moms of our business - thank you for your patience ;)

Happy New Year and PROSPERITY AND SAFETY to all our readers - bigtime !!!

Grandma Nanny Takes Advantage

My Nanny is a grandmother in her forties and she has a 9 year old granddaughter, my children are 2 girls, 5 years and 2.5 years. My nanny kind of pressured me into letting bring her gd to work, not an emergency but to give her parents some space. At first I thought this idea could be helpful to my 5 year old, she could learn from an older playmate...but, my nanny's gd is very aggressive with her, telling her what to do, and grabbing her toys etc. Sometimes I feel I need to take my daughter with me to the store etc which defeats the point of having a nanny. It has gotten better a little, it's apparent my nanny has said something as the gd has said   " I need to be nice and do thus and so" to my little girl, but I am still not comfortable - suggestions?

Christmas Bonuses and/or Gifts.... Did you get one??

Ok everyone, what did you get??  GO!

Input please.... How would you feel?

Greetings. I have a situation in the workplace that I would like some input on. I know how I feel, and I am curious to know how readers would feel if they were in the same situation.

Workplace: Preschool. Been there for eight years and worked as both a primary teacher and support staff with toddlers (12 months)-school age. We enroll at 6 weeks and go upto 12 years old.

My background: Nearly twenty years in the field of early childhood education working with infants-school age, including special needs. Degree in education, with twenty five credits in psychology and sociology. Membership in three professional organizations, endless hours of continuing education (my state requires x amount of hours per year for lead teachers; college students are an exception), CPR/AED/FA certified. According to my state, I am also center director qualified and assistant director qualified. One may say I've given my life to this field and I love what I do, which is work with children and families. I have a saying that goes like this: "if I didn't get marker on my hands, paint and dirt under my fingernails, and I'm not the least bit tired at the end of my day, children didn't learn, which means I didn't do my job".

And now I am wondering how much longer I want my current job.

The situation: Our administrative team: one administrator (she does scheduling, payroll, etc) and three directors (my school is governed as one big center broke down into three smaller centers each with their own license and director), plus an administrative assistant and two secretaries. The admin team (not including assistant and secretaries) get together frequently to develop policies and plans, which we, as a staff, are expected to follow within our classroom. This includes the "behavior plan", issued to children who are demonstrating disrespectful, unsafe or aggressive behaviors. This plan clearly states the level of admin involvement, and if a child is acting out in a way that we feel is unsafe, etc. we are told to call admin to deal with the issues.

I have a child on this plan in my two year old class for aggressive and unsafe behaviors. He has been on this plan since January at eighteen months old, and the behavior has gotten worse since he turned two in July. A month or so ago, my director told us that she would try to not come in our classroom so much because her son is in our class and she doesn't want to disrupt his day. Sometimes he has meltdowns when she leaves. I understand her reasoning for that. She did say that the other director would be in to help if we needed it.

We need it, and that director refuses to help. Actually, we are told to work with this child 1-1 when he has an outburst, and for the other teacher to work with the other group of children. Some days there are upto eleven other children in the class, depending on the day. I am burned out by this situation, as this child is clearly a problem that M and D are working on. The behavior is getting worse, and other children are copying this child, and we are calling admin for help. They know he is on behavior plan, and within two years, I have seen my director send other children home for the day who demonstrated similar behaviors. But this child can do the following and nobody can help us:

Tuesday: we asked him to put his trucks away so we could serve breakfast, as he was playing with them at the table. We gave him multiple choices to do so, and he refused to listen, so we took them away. He got mad, threw his yogurt on the table, looked at me as he poured his cup of milk on the table, threw the cup, two chairs, two buckets of toys and tipped over the wooden fridge in dramatic play. We called admin. Their response?

Me: ____ is having a hard day already. I described to my director what happened.
Director: Did you call _____ ?(the director who is supposed to help, but refuses to help)
Me: Is she here? I didn't know that. And there is no point in calling her because she refuses to help anyone.
Director: I understand. One of you will have to work with him 1-1 and the other teacher serve breakfast, because you have to do that.

Later, same thing happened. We were getting ready to go outside and this child pushed another child, and tipped the fridge over. In front of a parent. I called my director again, and let her know what happened. Her response:

" 'Well you will have to shadow him all day to prevent his behavior from reaching this point' ".

But he's on a behavior plan, and you are supposed to be involved. Or should I say _____ is supposed to get him, as you told us that a month ago.

____ is also pregnant, and from what my co-teacher said the other day, she won't come into our room to help because it's out of control. And I will say it is, partly because of one child's behavior and fact the nobody is doing anything to help us.

Administration's observation: As a result, my director called me into a meeting last week Thursday at 5p to tell me that as of tomorrow (11/21) I'll be support staff. They believe that I do not understand typical two year old development and this class doesn't fit me. Then it changed to they know I'm a great teacher who can work with any age group. Finally, it turned to they feel I'm burned out and my light of passion is dimming, and to further avoid burnout, they feel a move to support is the best option for me. My co teacher wasn't even asked her opinion, there was no transition with the new teacher. Nothing. Just make a teacher switch and problem solved.

How I feel: I'm not happy. I blame admin for not being there, and feel like if they were more supportive, things would be different. Our room is so out of control that we need three teachers, yet they will not provide us an extra teacher, and they are blowing off this child's behavior plan they implemented for him. I feel like they are misinterpreting the situation, are being judgmental and treating me like crap. I've been in that classroom for two years, and during those two years, I have seen admin jump faster for behavior issues (I had them two years ago with that group) to now ignoring myself and other teachers with issues in their classrooms. This child's behavior concerns me. What if he tips the shelf over while there are children next to it during center time or has a tantrum during center time and does it? What if he throws a chair and hits a child in the face? Or hurts a child on the playground? What if a child gets hurt and the room is at a one teacher ratio and this child hurts someone else by throwing toys, chairs? He is impulsive and unpredictable and the fact that we need to shadow him to prevent this behavior from getting to a certain point is ridiculous. We don't know what he is going to do or his reaction, and administration knows the situation needs their attention, but can't help us for whatever reason.


Thanks for listening.

Urban Sitter Overview and Bad Urban Sitter Sighting!!

UrbanSitter Overview

I haven't seen anyone on this blog write about the new-ish childcare platform UrbanSitter. I have just really began using it, so I thought i might write about my experiences.

I currently work 25 hours a week after school for a family I really like and enjoy that I found off SitterCity, They treat me great, the pay is good, but I live in NYC and the holidays are coming up, so who doesn't need extra money.

There isn't much demand for only morning sitters, unless the child is sick which I avoid like the plague. But they have an option for one-time sitters. A little about this--- This blog used to write about Craigslist add horror stories, but this site does some things that really make doing a one time sitting job for someone you don't know less scary. As a caregiver I can see how much they've used the site, how many nannies they've hired, how many have been repeat caregivers and the caregivers can even review the parents in terms of the child care experience, how safe they felt etc which is something I wish SitterCity and Care.com would offer.

Also people I have sat for can review me, leaving 1-5 star reviews or even written reviews. You can also invite previous employers to write notes of recommendation on the site, which is great because if you're just looking at one time jobs, I would hate to constantly be bothering previous families constantly for one-time jobs. So like, I feel like it helps parents and sitters both feel safe providing one time work for people you have never met before.

I've done about 7 jobs on the site now, and its been mostly very positive. I only 5 star reviews and glowing feedback
There was only one job that really bothered me. It was very last minute and he was only offering $13 an hour whereas my normal rate is between 20-25. Quite frankly I needed extra money for the holidays so I negotiated it up to 15. But when I got to the home I found out two things that I feel I was purposely not informed about.

Bad UrbanSittter Experience

1. The family was going to a party and the kid (10) I was watching was in trouble and his punishment was to stay here with me, and I was encouraged to talk to him about his bad behavior while making sure he didn't sure any of his tv/tablet privileges that had been taken away.

2. It has become very clear that the kid had a very severe case of ADHD (don't get mad at me for assuming the obvious-- at one point he blurted out he had to go to a special school because of it)

Between him being upset about being punished and his ADHD he was a very difficult child. I had to give him CONSTANT SUPERVISION--- which I know everyone is going to say is my job, and yes I agree it is. But when I am watching a 10 year old I expect to be able to spend 2 minutes going to the bathroom without coming back to him turning on all the gas burners on the stove for fun...as one example of the reckless and impulsive things this kid did that night.

This whole experience really rubbed me the wrong way. I feel that the parents should be obligated to inform caregivers about these kinds of things for the welfare of their own children. Not all caretakers are up to the task, some are just not equipped-- the parents we're lucky that I was. Also, quite frankly I would have charged more- not a ton more, but certainly my normal rate.

I understand there is a conflict here. I am not a parent, and I understand that they might not want to disclose this kind of information for privacy or simply being afraid people wouldn't want to babysit their child, or GASP having to pay more. I am sure having a kid with ADHD is hard enough without having to pay more than you can probably afford to have someone watch him, but I feel I was taken advantage of lured over there by not provided the info that I should have been

Another issue I have is with leaving the punishment of your child up to a one-time babysitter. I can certainly understand a part-time or full time sitter being in charge of discipline, but for a one time sitter I think he the only discipline I should be responsible for is reflective of the behavior when I am there. Hiring someone to punish your child so you can go to a party is passing the buck and shitty parenting in my opinion.

I have had a lot of good experiences on UrbanSittter and met great families, great kids, made a little extra money, but I really considered this experience bad more because of the parents communication that their child's dangerous behavior in their home. When UrbanSitter contacted me about leaving a review I said as much.

I just feel bad because despite the child being very difficult I do think he was a nice and caring kid who really did like me. When I left he hugged me and said he hoped I would watch him again soon, and that definitely not going to happen. I just hope this parents realize its worth telling caretakers about their children's behavioral issues, pay them what they deserve, in order to ensure the safety and wellbeing of their children.

Where is my cape?

My MB and DB frequently have me work overtime sat nights,9pm-11pm, watching my 2 charges, 5 year old boy and 4 year old girl at an enclosed playground at a restaurant. There are usually about 40-50 kids there over the 2 hour period and my job is to keep my charges from getting killed. The other kids are so aggressive, particularly these 4 boys and 1 girl, I keep my kids AWAY from them. It's a pretty big area and I will think of games for app 10 of the gentle kids to do with my kids.

Last week one of the aggressive kids did something or other - tried to choke a kid, I did  not see it, but the mother came at ME like it was my fault! I explained I am a nanny to 2 specific kids who have nothing to do with your son and I think I got way to her, and other parents do the same thing - come to ME as if I am in charge of the 50 kids with questions and sometimes anger. There is no adult watching the kids and I get the impression parents dump their problem kids here and go eat dinner.

My MB and DB just laugh and do thank me for taking care of my loves, but am I liable for all the kids in the playground?

What words can I say to get across I am a nanny for 2 kids not the restaurant baby sitter?

In case you missed it.... UPDATE ON HOUSTON NANNY SLAVERY CASE

In Case you missed it....UPDATE ON NANNY SLAVERY CASE

When is enough, enough? What do i do?

Hello,

I have been working for a family for a couple of years now and love the children I work with. I have had ups and downs with the job, the typical crappy things that nannies deal with but for the most part have been content. However, a few months back the parents let me know that they would be moving states and would like me to come along for a month to help them get settled. I agreed as I love the children and wanted to help ease the transition as much as possible. Fast forward to now, the month that I was staying has passed by two days, the family still hasn't found a new nanny and haven't made any effort to try and find one. Instead, they offered me $1 more an hour to stay in the new state with them (which I refused I make $12 now) and I have found a new job in my home state. I told my current boss that we agreed on a month, when my last day was, and that it's time for me to look out for myself, and was berated with texts about how I'm ending things on a bad note and how stressed she is about finding a temp. They have had months to find a new nanny and refused. What do I do in this situation?! I am so sick of being walked over and manipulated but standing up for myself at all is met with harsh criticism.


Thanks!


H

First time poster needs advice!

This is my first time posting, and I'm hoping someone could share their opinion!

I am a part time babysitter who has been working with a non verbal teenage girl five days a week after school. This is the second school year with the family. I have a small conversational relationship with the parents as we usually just chat randomly as they come home. I have been told the mother has cancer and because of chemo my hours would be cut which I didn't mind since I am also a student who's busy. The problem is that every day the mother comes home she tells me about how horrible she feels and how sick she is, and I feel horrible! Should I be doing or saying more to help her? I don't ever want to say the wrong thing but since she opens up to me I feel like I could be saying more to help.

Regards,

Boss has Cancer

Is this Normal?? Need advice please!!

Hello,
I'm looking for some advice from fellow nannies and those that know the industry. I started a nannying/'general assistant' job three months ago. I've never really known what I wanted to do career-wise so have just stumbled from one menial, over-worked and under-paid job to another.
Anyway, I currently work from Monday- Friday from 10am-6pm (and the odd Saturday) and would like to know if my work load and pay are 'standard' for the industry as I currently feel quite taken advantage of and like the pay doesn't even begin to reflect my hard work and the tasks I have to complete, which are as follows:
The children- There are three kids, aged between three and seven. The eldest two are at school until half three, and the youngest is at playschool, she's back at 12pm three days a week and 3pm the other two days. When they're at home it's impossible to get anything done around the house. The youngest is an absolute nightmare, if I take my eye off her for even a second she will seize the opportunity to draw on walls, flush things down the toilet, urinate on the floor, cover the house in cream/lotion or whatever she can find, make a mess and generally be destructive. She is very spoilt and demanding, she needs constant attention and entertaining or will simply have a melt-down and scream and scream and scream. The eldestt two also make a lot of mess and have no consideration at all. They will come home from school and kick their shoes off and throw their bags on the floor, and proceed to make as much mess as they fancy. They are sweet children and I genuinely adore them all and have a very good rapport with all three, but they're self-entitled, over-indulged and inconsiderate. They are very hard work and full on, and incessant with their demands. One of my biggest issues is that I don't have an adequate amount of time to spend with them when they are at home; the cleaning, cooking and washing take up so much time that I don't have enough to occupy them and engage them as much as I should. I will sometimes do basic things with them like bake, read, take them out for a walk or to 'collect' things in the garden, play hide and seek etc but it's rare that I get the chance, and when I do it's not for long- even sparing half an hour puts me behind. It's all very well saying 'the washing can wait' but it just doesn't work like that, and ultimately I'll just end up running around like a headless chicken with a broom up my arse trying to catch up!
Laundry for the entire household- mum, dad and the three children. The washing machine is on at least twice a day every single day with full loads and all must be ironed and put away.
Cleaning- this is a very large, old, dusty and cluttered house and I am responsible for cleaning and tidying all of it, bar the third floor which isn't really in use and just needs a hoovering from time to time. The house is an absolute TIP, and the kids further trash the place. They have two playrooms, one of which is bursting with more toys, books and teddies than Harrod's and often looks like it's been totally ransacked (you would honestly have to see it to believe it), they couldn't make more mess if they tried. I'll spend a good two hours blitzing it only to find it in the same state of disarray the next morning. It's the same with the rest of the house, as fast as I'm cleaning and tidying, the family are making a mess and undoing my hard work. They just make such an unbelievable mess that, on some mornings when I arrive, I momentarily wonder if they've been burgled before remembering that no, the parents (who aren't much more tidy or considerate themselves) have just let the children run amock, comfortable in the certainty that it will be nanny picking up the pieces, literally.
Cooking- I cook an evening meal for the whole family, the kids eat separately from the parents so I have to try and ensure that they eat everything or at least a substantial amount (the youngest are very finicky eaters), which is arduous to say the least. I then clean up after dinner and ensure the kitchen is spotless again and the parents' dinner is plated up and ready for when they come down.
As well as this, I must ensure the kids are ready and have what they need for their various after school activities, prepare packed lunches, put the bins out, and all the other minutiae that ensure the smooth running of the home.
The parents are very self-absorbed and inconsiderate, they pile extra work on me seemingly without realising I already have a ridiculous amount to get through. They both work from home and will come down for lunch, make a mess in the kitchen, leave their dishes for me and then go back upstairs. Sometimes the mum will come down and bake a cake or dish for a dinner party, leaving me to wash up, put away everything she's got out and clean the sides down etc. That said, they are generally very laid back, amiable people and always make sure to thank me 'for all my hard work' at the end of the day (though I can't help but feel this is in recompense for the lack of financial reward). I occasionally forget things or make the odd mistake and they are always very gracious about it and understanding, and very diplomatic if they ever need to address anything with me.
So for the above I am paid £7.50 an hour. Barely over minimum wage. I could earn more stacking shelves in a supermarket!
Is this 'normal'?! Is this an average workload and wage?
I would like to ask for a pay rise but feel that, because I'm essentially doing the job of two people I'm spreading myself so thinly and not getting everything done to the standard that I would like, which in turn makes me feel incompetent and like I'm not doing a good enough job to ask for more money. It's very difficult!
I absolutely detest this job, it's back-breaking, mentally and physically exhausting, unrewarding, monotonous, degrading. I genuinely cannot believe anyone could enjoy it!? I know it sounds like a case of 'just quit and find something else' but for various reasons it's unfortunately not that simple.
Apologies for the rambling post, I needed to get it off my chest! Any advice would be much appreciated, I'd like to know what other nanny's days comprise of, and any tips and tricks to manage my time etc. Many thanks :)

Regards

Ignoring That Instinct

I consider myself a helpful person, and I love my job working with children and families. I also have bills to pay, and when I saw a family hiring for a sitter after school two evenings per week, I jumped on that and contacted the family. She had heard of me through word of mouth, and we met for an interview. We decided to do a trial run for two weeks to see if everything worked out.

And something told me it wasn't the right situation for me. But I ignored my instinct and greed took over. I just had to be their sitter. I had to do it. I had to. I had to. I had to do it.

But it was a mistake. And what happened sounds gross, but it taught me a lesson.

While babysitting for this family one evening, their son wanted to play with the neighbor kid. Being the person that I am, I won't let a child I am caring for play with a child without meeting the parents first. Call me crazy or paranoid, but that's me. So I went over and introduced myself to the family. The mother wasn't really friendly, and the father was surprised that I took the time to meet with him. As I was talking with the parent, I picked up and played with their puppy who was rolling around in the grass. About a week or so later, I started noticing black dander in my cat's fur (I have four cats) that was similar to coffee grounds. Thinking nothing of it, I kept brushing her to see if things changed. I dismissed it as something different, until last week when I found something I didn't want to see.

My cat had a flea on her. A live flea. I was so grossed out that I almost threw up twice in Walmart when I went to get flea spray and garbage bags. I had a case of anxiety so bad that I had a horrible stomachache, called into to work the next day and thought I was going to throw up. How could I let this happen? The last time I dealt with this issue was back in 1994, when I was a young adult and got a cat that had fleas. Here we are twenty-two years and cats later. Never gave my cats flea preventive. Yeah, I know, bad cat mom. I never let my cats outside and never came into contact with anyone with fleas. When I found out about this, I bagged every single stuffed animal, every pillow on my bed, and threw out clothing that was on my floor, along with old clothing and items that the cats (I have four, but only three would be in my room sleeping, etc) came into contact with. Everything was washed, including curtains, big blankets, etc. per the vet. and all four cats, including my sick 12 year old with a tumor in her eye got flea treatment. I had watched my girls itch and groom themselves, which indicated I had a problem.

Not sure how I got them, but the vet did say fleas can travel with people. The only animals I have been around recently are the new kitten (I checked her before she came home and didn't find anything) my cousin's dogs who go to the dog park several times per week, her cats which are outside cats.

And this family's neighbors.

I broke down into tears in front of my boss, and told her why I called in. She was very understanding about the anxiety thing and stomachache. As I sprayed furniture and curtains, and combed through the cats fur to check for flea dirt, eggs and fleas, I began to realize something.

I honestly believe had I not babysat for this family, I wouldn't have had contact with the neighbors. No contact with neighbors, no contact with dog.

No fleas.

As a result of this issue with fleas, I am panicking that there are more fleas in this house, and we haven't gotten rid of them yet, despite cleaning. I do not allow the cats in my room or to cuddle with me. They just exist-I feed them and acknowledge them. but that's it. It's like I have OCD and anxiety. As if anything on the carpet or floor will come into contact with fleas. When the cats itch, I panic. Sitting on the couch or chair (the cats sleep here. as it's a cat thing) will bring more fleas that have yet to go through the cycle, even though I sprayed.

I feel dirty. Gross. Contaminated. I also feel like a bad person, because I had to babysit for this family. I felt like it wasn't right for me, and but being the person I am, I wanted to help them because I love what I do. Had I not babysat for this family, I wouldn't have gotten fleas.

Through this experience, I've learned it's ok to be helpful, but you can't help everyone. If something feels like the wrong fit, it's fine. The wrong fit for me is the right fit for someone else.

Fast Exit Interview Etiquette

You search for a nanny job, find a position or two that may interest you, send your resume and/or credentials. The family sets up a phone chat and/or interview, and you are interested in the position. That is, until something tells you it's just not the right fit.

Sometimes it happens during the phone interview. Other times it happens during the interview. And sometimes, it happens within a few minutes of chatting with a family on the phone or meeting with them in person. They may appear not so friendly in person, oblivious to the hiring process or you can tell they are just plain rude. Whatever the case may be, you can feel they aren't the right fit for you.

I had this happen twice: once during the middle of the interview. It was things the parent said that made me want to leave right there. He couldn't believe that someone with my experience, degree and credentials was applying for their nanny job, and insisted I was taking a step backward. After looking at my resume, he didn't even ask me any questions. He kept commenting on the fact that I was overqualified and too experienced to be their nanny.

The second time it happened was a few months ago. This family was hiring their first nanny and the father stated things like they are " 'new to this....not sure what they are doing, do not have a start date yet...not sure who they are looking for in a nanny...exploring options and taking information from candidates for now and getting back to people once they start moving forward...' " As I was sitting there listening to them speak, I was trying to figure out what was going on. I listened to them, answered their questions with a smile, and thought I did very well. I never heard back from them, and when I saw the position was open again, I contacted the family expressing my interest. I got a message from the family stating they didn't feel I was the right fit....Wait. You weren't sure what you were doing, didn't know what you were looking for in a nanny, etc but you knew I'm not the right fit?

As I look back on that experience, something told me to get up and leave within a few minutes of this interview. Of course I ignored that voice.

Has something like this ever happened to you? Have you ever chatted with a family on the phone or met a family in person and figured out within a few minutes they weren't the right fit for you? If so, what did you say to the family to end the interview right there? Is there a way to end an interview politely without being offensive when something like this happens?

I also own a placement agency, so I need to be extra careful.

Helping Parents Help Their Child

I have a child in my class that I am concerned about in a developmental issue. From what I observe and have heard from his sister's teacher from last year, EVERYTHING is done for him and I believe he is developmentally behind.


No interaction with other kids. He plays by himself. I have a child in class who takes things and displays aggressive behaviors to specific children because he knows he can, and this child is a target. The other day, this other child took something from him, and I encouraged the child to say "stop, that's mine." He didn't say anything. Doesn't speak at all. When he does speak, it's "A Mama", and that's it. It's like he has one emotion, and he always looks like he could burst into tears at the snap of a finger.


If we say " ' go to _____and _____' ", he stands there, waiting for someone to do it for him. He cannot wash his hands or turn on the water. A few weeks ago he stood in the bathroom crying because someone wouldn't turn on the water for him. He has no interest in an open cup, and cannot drink from one without spilling it on himself-he needs to be fed the cup, similar to feeding a baby their bottle. If he is not fed his cup, he doesn't drink anything the entire day.


M stays home and D works from home. My guess is that everything is done for him. I have spoken to M about this, who said she is trying to work with him at home, but then she seems like she is something which I cannot figure out.


He turns three at the end of January, and I want to help him, only I'm not sure what to say to M about his lack of social skills and communication, along with self help skills. I know that she did say when she enrolled that she enrolled him because she noticed the lack of self help and communication skills.


Then there is the other child. I wrote about this child a month or so ago, because curiosity makes me wonder what the nanny actually teaches him. He too cannot use an open cup, and has no interest in doing so. We noticed he was unable to drink from an open cup, mentioned something to the nanny when she came to pick him up. We stated in a positive manner, "hey, we noticed he isn't using an open cup and doesn't drink anything all day when he is here. Does he use an open cup at home for you?" She didn't answer the question and blew us off with an attitude.


The nanny is there full time, and he is with us part time, two days per week. I feel like if we see something at school, we should be able to ask the nanny if she sees the same behavior at home, and vice versa. I feel as though it should be a team effort between all of us (myself, co teacher, the nanny) and the parents.


Mom is aware he is not using an open cup, and said he prefers bottles to drink milk. There is a younger sibling at home (just turned a year) and most likely still gets bottles, which is understandable if the sibling wasn't introduced to a cup. This child needs to be fed an open cup, or he won't drink anything during the day. Most of my class is 2, and they are able to use open cups. Even the two youngest who just got into the classroom two weeks ago having just turned two are able to use open cups.


I realize each child develops at their own pace. But parents and those who care for the child like the child's nanny are partly responsible for teaching self help skills. I can only teach so much for so long, and it's a team effort. I feel like neither of these parents nor the nanny get that.

Resigning from nanny job

I am considering resigning from a nanny position that I've been in for about 6 months. The kids & I have a good bond but I have to use my personal car for work. At first I thought I wouldn't mind. But I literally have to take them somewhere everyday & run errands for the parents in between. I am only paid $20 a month for this. Yes a month. The mom thinks that is fair compensation. I don't because I am adding extra miles to a car that I have to keep for the next three years, & paying for extra cleanings, oil changes, tire rotations, etc. Is this fair? I am not sure if I am overreacting. Or should I look for something else? I would feel horrible to leave but it stresses me out so much.

what is a reasonable wage?

I recently (about 2 months ago) started nannying for a family with two children ages 3 and 4. I was background checked, cpr certified and the whole 9 yards. I have about 4 years of experience and have wonderful relationships with the previous families I have nannied for. I was hired for a nanny/assistant position. I took the job with the pay of 15/hr. During the day while the kids are at school for a couple hours, I do all the laundry, (not just the kids, the mother and fathers too) make all the beds, do all the dishes, run any errands the mother leaves on the daily list for me, some of these errands usually include taking the dog to the groomers, dry cleaning pick up and drop off, preparing dinner so the mom literally just has to put it in the oven when she gets home (which most of the time I end up doing anyway), I mail letters for them, I ship things at ups for them, shop for them, grocery shop for them, pick up fresh flowers for their home for them,bathe their kids and get them in their pajamas/ready for bed by the time the parents come home most nights, I do a lot of driving for errands and activities for the children and put about 200+ miles a week on my car for them. I'm not compensated for mileage although I get about $20 a week for gas, which isn't enough seeing as how my car runs on miles and is a lease. When I talked to the mom about mileage she said the government rate of .55 a mile added up to quick and she would rather just give me $20 a week for gas. I went with it. This family is very well off. They live on the water, have a Lamborghini, Maserati and bmw, a yacht, condos in different location across the world, THEY ARE VERY WEALTHY. I stay everyday hours later than I am supposed to (which I get the same hourly rate for) without them asking me if I have to leave, if I have plans, nothing. They just expect my schedule is free to stay and help them all night. I just feel that I make life very easy for them and do almost everything for them. They ask me to do something- I do it without question and with a smile. I feel really taken advantage of a lot of the time. I have so many bills to pay and barely make it with the 15/hr I am currently getting. I think it would be reasonable to be paid the 15/hr during the hours I have both kids but during the day when I do everything and anything for them I feel it should be more. I don't even get a chance to go to the bathroom or have a sip of water during the day because of the list the mother leaves me. I am not a confrontational person and I am wondering how to propose a possible raise to the mother. Also, I was wondering what you guys think the reasonable wage I should get is?

Update on Scam originating on Care.com

I wanted to share the "check" my daughter received via priority mail and I also wanted to share what Care.com had to say about scams...

Since I last posted about this, we have not heard anything further from this man (except receiving this check)

This is taken from Care.com in reference to scams...



There are two main types of scams that are prevalent on the Internet: the “overpayment scam” and the “pay in advance scam.” They're very similar and usually go something like this...

A scammer poses as an employer and attempts to trick you into sending money. Typically, the employer reaches out via text message with a job offer that seems too good to be true.

Once you reply, the scammer may ask you to buy a needed item (like a toy or wheelchair) or claim they're relocating and want to pay you in advance.

After you share your full name and address, the scammer sends you a check (often for a large sum of money) and requests that you cash it and wire a portion of the money back to them. They may tell you to keep the rest.

But here's where the scam comes in: the check is fake. Unfortunately, you often don't learn that until it’s too late -- after you've already sent a portion of the money back to the scammer, which you're then responsible for repaying to the bank, as well as additional fees associated with this type of fraud. In some cases this can amount to thousands of dollars of lost funds.

Care.com and scams

Beware.... scam on Care.com

Just an FYI to all those that use care.com.  My daughter is almost 20 and currently works fast food. in speaking with her today she informed me she put her two weeks notice in at her job because she got a new job she found on care.com.  She proceeds to tell me that a man named John hired her to watch his 3 year old son from 3p-7p M-F for $400.00/week in Alvin, TX.  She then tells me that he is sending her some money for her first week but he is going to add some extra because he needs her to go and pay for something for him.  (which came in the mail today, YES, she gave him her address ) it is a cashiers check (fake I am sure) for $2750.00!!!  

I had her ask him for his address and he told her he would send it later.  Then I had her ask him to contact me.  which he did, by text..and it went like this..  (excuse the grammar, I am typing exactly as he did)

Him: Hello, its Mr John, sorry are you Shanna's mum?

Me: Yes I am, Can you explain what it is you are asking of Shanna?

Him: I told you to be my son childcare and she agreed

Me: She said you wanted her to pay for some furniture?  Also please tell me about your son.

Him:  My son is 4 yrs old and he is calm and gentle

Me: and the furniture?  Explain that situation please.  What is his name?  Where do you live?

Him:  I live in Houston 

Me: Explain that situation please, What is his name?  What part of Houston?

Him:  WHY ALL THE QUESTION

Me: Because I am her mother and I don't know you.  Did you send her payment already?  Frankly I am concerned that you would allow someone that you have never met to take care of your child.

Him: YES

Me: In what form?

no further replies...  notice the discrepancies in the child's age and where he lived. 

Now I am sure that no one on here would fall for something like this, but my daughter did and I just wanted to let someone know!

Nanny needs advice...

I am a self employed nanny & babysitter. I have over 15 years of experience. I have never had my information shared on any site, all of the families I work with have all been through word of mouth and from my families passing me on to others. I have never left a family before, so every family I have worked with would be more than happy to give references for me. My problem right now is I am currently working part time with a family, 2, 11-12 hour days. There are three children, one 2 year old and 11 month old twins. I make 10 an hour, and am expected to do all household chores including changing sheets in children's rooms, children's laundry, both parents laundry, feeding the dog, doing all the dishes from the parents, and keeping the house picked up. The oldest child is also very behind, because the nanny before me did not do anything with helping him learn words and communicating. So he gets very frustrated when you can't understand his own language. I know I should be making more than 10 an hour, but I don't know how far up would be too much. Any help would be much appreciated from other nannies and moms!

Should I say something to the parents?

Hi, I recently left a 16 year interaction with a narcissistic personality disordered woman. I've had her arrested for domestic violence twice and I left her for good a couple years ago.

If you look up narcissistic cycle of abuse you will learn these people are capable of causing great mental anguish.

By the time I walked out I was almost to the point of suicide.

Ex is a nanny and I am concerned about the way she treats her charges when she is out of camera range.

I'm a fully grown adult and she messed with my mind big time.

My blood runs cold thinking how she might be mentally abusing the children she nannies.

Should I say something to the parents?

Thanks.

Hourly or Salaried?

Does anyone know if it's illegal for nannies to be paid salary? I thought I recently read that nannies are protected under a fair labor act and have to be paid hourly. I have been a nanny for almost 11 years, and started my current job almost 2 years ago. She would only pay me salary, so I don't get paid for any extra hours that I work, and I also don't get overtime pay, and I'm definitely being taken advantage of with the amount of hours I work. However, she claims it all equals out in the end because they pay me when they go away (which is only a few days/year). My feeling is that they should be paying me regardless, because I'm not choosing to take that time off. I am a career nanny and depend on a steady weekly income

I'd love some insight on this issue. Thanks!

Nannie needs Advice!!

So I need advice the family I nanny for Their great. Except for when the mom and dad come home on their lunch breaks and have sex while I'm taking care of their child downstairs. I can hear them having sex or one time I accidentally walked in I feel SOOO uncomfortable with them having sex while I'm here working(yes I know people have sex and I'm all for it...... Just not when I'm ten ft away from them) my question is how do I approach them about this because like I said it makes me feel very uncomfortable and also kinda frustrated that they chose to spend their lunch break having a "quickie" instead of being with their child.

It Certainly Was Not The Nanny - Bad Dad In Cleveland Tx. Walmart

A hero named Erika Burch stepped in the last few days to help a child being abused in a Walmart by her father. He wrapped his daughters hair around the cart and pulled her along like horse or dog. She was begging for mercy and he told Ms Burch to mind her own business. She told the dad this is my business. She took pictures and is in the process of reporting the incident, which is not really easy as she initially was being told by the Cleveland Police Chief the situation may not be serious sas the child had no bruises.


Here is a link from Fox News on the story...
bad dad in Walmart, Cleveland, TX

Baby food at two years old?

At what point would you question a parent feeding their child Stage 2 baby food pouches after a certain age? This child is currently in the toddler (1 year old room), so I am not sure as to what is going on with her diet, but from what I heard, she is fed one pouch per meal, given her own snack at 430p, and that's it. Apparently if she is hungry after her pouch, we cannot feed her anything but the pouches and her snack with water. I don't think she drinks milk or anything from an open cup. This child is almost 2 years old, and will be transitioning to my classroom next week. There are no food sensitivities or allergies, just a parent preference. I understand it's a parent choice, but could this be considered a form of abuse, seeing the child is being underfed?

HELP!! need advice!

Help! So I've been nannying for the same family for almost a year now, I love the kids and the kids love me, my bosses are amazing and even take me on all of their vacations all expenses paid including paying me on top of that. Amazing gig. I just recently found out I am pregnant and I told my MB yesterday. She was thrilled and even mentioned me still working for them after the baby came and bringing my newborn with me. I didn't even consider that this would be an option but if it is then that's great news for me. My only concern is that I've never been in this position before and I've nannied a newborn and know how much work they can be not to mention the strict schedules their usually on. I'm worried that doing this could end badly or it would be way too hard to keep giving my charges the attention they need while still caring for my own child. Bow, my charges at 4 and 6 - will be 5 and 7 by the time my baby is born. Anyone have similar experiences and can give some insight? Thanks so much!

Advice from Nannies please

Hello, I would like some advice. I am 19 and graduated high school last year and I am wondering what advice you could give me on becoming a nanny. I have cared for (babysat) children since I was about 12 and I really enjoy it, however after researching I thought it might be wise to ask other nannies on what to do to get started, and any advice you can give me would be appreciated!!

Thanks!!

A Nanny want to be

Food for thought...parents and nannies on mobile devices

I just wanted to give my two cents regarding the pearl clutching when strangers see a caregiver apparently too absorbed in their mobile device to focus on the child to their own standards.

I care for a child and do have to take texting breaks, and some days considerably more frequently than others. Not for a boyfriend, not for pals. In fact I rarely text in social situations other than "I'm here, meet me there" sort of logistical messages. The number one person on my texting list is the child's mother, second to that the backup caregiver. Mom sometimes needs to switch up plans on short notice, or wants updates on her child, who has been dealing with some health issues. This isn't always completed in a few messages. 

On the parental side, I imagine some parents who may be looking at or speaking that device may have unfinished work that is being resolved via a mobile form of communication. Perhaps it is planning with the other family members plans regarding the rest of the day. If it wasn't for this admittedly compromised attention (assuming eyes are frequently on the child) maybe the parent would not be able to be home or take that outing at all in the first place. 

When I text or receive texts, I still manage to keep an eye on the child and look up very frequently. I also tell him I'm communicating with his mother. My glances to him when he's a few feet away may or may not be detectable to others. 

Just some food for thought before you take out a camera and point it at a stranger. 

Pay Rate/arrangement responsibilities

Hello, I'm a SHM in Greenwich, CT and have a 14 month old baby. She'll be starting school in Jan for 3.5hrs in the morning 5 days a week. We've had a mommy's helper since she was 3 months due to some health issues I have - pay rate $20/hr. The girls I've worked with (2) are great. Hard working and will do almost anything to help me around the house - including taking out the kitchen garbage, household dishes, and unpacking packages in addition to housekeeping directly related to the baby. They are however not 'experienced' nanny's and I would not feel comfortable leaving them alone with the baby for more than a few hours a day. I'm considering going back to work FT. If I do, I'd like an experienced nanny. My question is, what is the typical pay rate/arrangement in the region and what are the typical responsibilities?

Looking for a Nanny in CRANSTON, RI

I am looking for a full time nanny with experience in Cranston, RI for a 1 and 5 year old. Must be able to drive. If interested, please email me.

Regards,
Kim Reed | kreed177@gmail.com

Need advice from nannies or parents who have nannies

I am a nanny for a 1 yr old girl in Sacramento, CA. I usually work anywhere from 30-35 and occasionally 40hrs a week at 12.00/hr. I have been working with this family for almost a year. I do not receive any benefits nor do we have a contract.

At least once a week i am watching their other child, which I am not paid any extra to do. As well as other duties that have nothing to do with my charge, up until this point I did not mind one bit doing all the extra stuff but my father passed away this week and I missed 4 days of work, I asked my charge if I can have paid leave for the days I was not able to come in. She replied that technically I am a part time employee and am not entitled to that benefit, but she offered to pay me a quarter of lost wages.
I love my charge and I love this family but I feel like after everything I do, this is not fair.
I want to bring up a contract because now I see that I have to make sure I am protecting my best interest as well as theres but how do i go about that now that it has been a year? Please give me any advice that may help, TIA

Care dot com asks you to purchase "credits" to apply to jobs?! OUTRAGED!

Hi! Thanks for keeping your blog going. There was something I wanted to bring to your attention (that I'm sure other nannies are aware of, as many of us use Care dot com). Well "Care" started this new system several months ago, allowing parents the option to have their job posting require "credits" to apply. It does narrow the posting to only 5 candidates (lessening competition in theory), but otherwise, this has no benefit to the providers or families. It is simply a greedy move on Care's part. And it disgusts me.

The credits are fairly expensive and expire after 90 days. They are even sold in uneven amounts, so that it would be impossible to use up all your credits without purchasing more! (The application rate I've seen is "4 credits" -- for now!) Not only is it ridiculous to have to PAY to apply for a job (or in this case, even just ask clarifying questions about the posting!), but I think it must be illegal! This discriminates against job seekers who can't afford the credits. (And yes, there are some jobs that are still free to apply to, but they are few and far between. And Care puts the "apply with 4 credits" jobs first in the list when you search.)

I held off as long as I could in buying credits myself, but Care is still the best place for me to find nanny jobs online (in my area, anyway). So eventually I broke down and bought some. It looks like it may actually lead to a job offer, but I'm still pissed. $19 to apply to 6 jobs?! Ridiculous!

I've been waiting for someone to post about how awful this is online somewhere, but haven't see anything. So I thought I might as be the one to blow the whistle on this discriminatory practice.

Please keep this post anonymous, as I know Care dot com happily deletes members who complain!

How to give notice?

Question about how to quit: I've been working for this family for literally ONE month and I've already lost interest with this position. Here's why. I'm a college student and recently found out that this is my last year. My student account showed that I had a certain amount of credit hours left to earn (at least 2 years worth left), it hadn't been updated. Had I known this one month ago, I would have never taken this position. With the finish line a few months away, I'd really like to embrace this year by challenging myself in academic competitions and enjoying myself in musicals/plays. I've worked my way through school and I don't want to look back regretting anything. On top of that and on a more serious note, I need to gain experience within my field (not childcare related).

So far, the family has been great, but I'm uninterested and eventually, they'll notice. I need to leave before that point, but not sure how to go about it. I've read previous posts regarding giving notice versus not giving notice, but still unsure of what to do.

Thankfully, I do have other sources of income with jobs where I'm able to make my own schedule.

Any advice will be appreciated!
Thanks!!

How do I bring this up? Help needed please!

I have an issue at work that I would like to speak to my bosses about- I am not sure how to address it. I care for their almost 2 1/2 year old boy who will become a big brother soon (mom is currently about 28 weeks) Mom informed me that her mom and sister (who is also pregnant) are coming to visit month of October (while dad is away on business.) I have been with family for almost 2 years and whenever family or friends come for a visit- I get time off/ no pay. I can't go a full month with no pay.

Also I was also informed that I would be caring for C (my current charge) OR the baby- in terms of C going out to activities or when he starts pre school in fall. Baby will not going out of house dyring cold season. That I understand. No raise has even been talked about yet- is it appropriate for me to bring up first? How do I address it?

sad sighting at the park

My charge and I were at the park yesterday when I I witnessed something incredibility sad. I saw a 3 to 4 year old girl playing in the sand box and walking around aimlessly around. Her parents (I know as the little girl called the lady mom). Her parents sat on a bench and just didn't move from that spot the entire time. They thought their phones were more important. The little girl pleaded to her mom "come play with me! Come play mom" She sighed and acted like she had been though this hundreds of times before. I could not stand it anymore. We (my charge and I) were already digging holes and making tracks (with his trains) in the sand and I asked the little girl if she wanted to play with us. She greatly accepted. My charge then wanted to play on the playground equipment The little girl looked sad- wondering if she could come with us. I looked at mom who just nodded. So I took her daughter's hand and ran her through the playground and pushed her on the swing. I have to give some correct to mom as she did get off the bench for 5 maybe 10 minutes to come over and say hi. dad never moved. I usually don't say something like this- but parents need to work on their diet. They were massive Obese. They need to wake up and see what their daughter sees. They need to be involved more. I actually had other parents/caregivers come up to me and say Thank you for making that child's day. She was sad when it was time to go home.

7 easy art projects for Preschoolers

http://www.popsugar.com/moms/7-Easy-Art-Projects-Young-Kids-27330689

Bad Nanny sighting - Playground at 63rd and west end avenue, New York City 8/19 3:30pm.

This nanny is totally crazy. Beyond screaming at a boy that she was with (probably her nanny friend's kid) that he was "a mean boy", she them verbally accosted me even though my son had literally zero interaction with the kids she was with. Unfortunately, I could not understand what she was carrying on about.

Had Enough Of Summer Camp (from Diana H )

I don't know if this is a rant or what but here goes -

My nanny family does not need me in the summer so I got a job as a counselor for a summer day camp. The head counselors decided I was very patient and assigned me the youngest group 4-6 years with a few 3 years old. Wow it was hard on these kids - the camp time wise catered to the older kids which would result in for instance the 3 year old having to STRIVE  to keep up physically for example running to lunch after swimming.

This one little girl I felt bad for - I will call her Annie ( not her name). The experience of the camp was overwhelming for her in many ways. She was not social, could not make friends, was overweight to a degree that caused her delays, - and sad. I would get her to sit in my lap and try to guide her and hold her hand specially, but as an example of what I went thru--

After swimming the locker room would be a mad house with kids running everywhere and the 3-5 year olds would be struggling to get their shoes on etc. Annie, for 3 days would go in to a state - just sitting cross-legged staring as kids whizzed by her, in front, back.This resulted in us getting in trouble being late to lunch.  So- I made an executive decision - I got Annie out of the pool 5 minutes early so she could get dressed without other kids crowding her - it worked ! I felt like Dr Phil or something. Then after 3 days of that Annie looked at me very seriously and said " If you let me stay in the pool I will get dressed quick" That was fine by me and it worked!

So - meeting the parents - Annie's mom comes up to me, " Are you the one preventing my daughter from swimming?"

I painstakingly explained the above to not very gracious attitude and then her mom says " She hates it here, I have to make her go each day and her face is sad"  I said " Well, summer camp is a challenge for all kids - it's very hot, they are away from their parents, they have to be independent and follow a schedule. It would be easier to be in their own room with AC and their toys but then they would not learn and grow blah blah "  Devil Eyes to me.

The entire day was filled with similar things like that with that one standing out. Nanny Family i love you and will gratefully see you in a couple days !!! Any comments would be welcome - was I remiss?

Overnight rate question

I am a very experienced nanny, I have been in the biz for 10 years but I have never encountered this situation before so I'm hoping for some advice.

I nanny full time for 3 kids aged 6, 3, & 10 months. I work only 4 days a week but about 42-44 hours in total. My family pays me hourly. Our contract states that they will provide me with 52 weeks of income a year and in exchange I do 10 hours of free babysitting a month. (They pay me OT the weeks I go over). They are a super family and I love working for them.

We had a miscommunication though recently. At the beginning of my time with them I was told I would have a specific week off (for them to travel as a family). I naturally made plans. A couple weeks ago I was asked by the mom if I could work that week as they are no longer taking a family trip, only a couples trip. I remarked no, that I had plans, but agreed to do a couple nights over the weekend before to help out until the grandparents could arrive. Now I find out its 3 nights, about 72 hours in total. And using 4 of my initial days off. I typically charge $100 a night, for 12 hours and my day rate during the day for the other 12. The baby doesn't always sleep through the night though so I'm considering bumping that to $125. Is this a fair price? We are looking at over a thousand dollars. I'm honestly a little annoyed that it's eating into my time and now I don't have a day off in between so I'll be doing 8 days straight the last 3, 24 hrs a day. My nanny friends assure me yes, I'm well worth the $, and I'm doing them a favor. Should I just pull the trigger? Send them the estimate?

Qurestioning the Nanny's Day

If you were the new nanny for a family thus replacing the old nanny, or if you were the teacher of a child in your class who attended school part time and spent the rest of the week at home with the nanny, at what point would you question what the nanny is doing with the child during the day and/or her work ethic? Work ethic may not be the right thing to say, but you know what I mean.

Let phrase it like this: if you replaced the nanny after she worked for them for two years or if the child in your class was 2 years old and the nanny has been with the family for two years, when do you question what the nanny does during the nanny, and how would you bring it up to the child's parents about what you observe at school?

Of course being at home with the nanny and being at school are different-all of us know that. This child I am speaking of is 2, attends school part time, and has a nanny at home. The nanny is home with the younger sibling (about 14 months old) and the child attends two days per week. And he is a handful. An older sibling has autism and is non verbal, and M is concerned that the 2 year old may be on the spectrum due to lack of eye contact. He has gotten better since he has been there for nearly two months, but I question exactly what the nanny has done with him in terms of child guidance for the last two years and what she does with him now. I ask this because he doesn't listen, and he doesn't seem to understand the word no. For example, he was asked to sit down at the table for breakfast. We set him down at the table and the minute our backs were turned, he is playing in the block center. One of us was talking to a parent and the other one was doing something else-he got up again and went back to the block center. At that point he was told he could not play in the block center in a firm but gentle voice, and he was given the choice of sitting at the table or sitting on the floor, but he was not playing. He shouted no, shouted more at us, and started crying. Our sink is next to the counter and at the end of the counter we have post its, timer, bell, and a cup of pens which contain scissors. (The cup is a bit far of the reach of the children while on the step stool) This child got onto the stool and grabbed something off the counter. He has been known to climb furniture and open the classroom doors. He puts food into his mouth, spits it out onto his plate during meals and then eats it again. The other day he spit on another child after the child asked him to stop bothering her.

To put it this way: if there was a knife on the table, he'd play with it. He simply knows no boundaries. If we are alone meaning we have enough children for one teacher, this child has to be holding a teacher's hand at all times, or with a teacher in the bathroom during diaper changes because he gets into everything. If we tell him not to touch something, he does it anyway, and he doesn't understand he cannot touch that. Of course a 2 year old is going to touch everything, and of course they may not listen, For the most part, our class of 2's (we have nine 2's) listen pretty well and not one of them is like this child.

The child is very sweet, but to be honest, he stresses us out. It's like having a one year old in the classroom. M and D are very sweet as well. I'm just not sure how to bring up the fact their child doesn't listen and my question about what the nanny teaches him to them, because I feel like the nanny not is doing anything. Climbing furniture? Tell him to keep feet on the floor. Spitting out food onto his plate? Take his plate away. Touching things he shouldn't touch? Teach him not to do that. Teach him how to listen.

Of course one part of me is wondering if it's special needs, the part of the nanny or both...

Question For Nannies..

I am a 28-year-old nanny of a 6-month-old baby girl. Mom works from home which was something we discussed during the interview (obviously). She is very laid back, but is also type A...I know, I didn't think that type of person existed either. Anyway, it all started off great and I'm coming up on my third month with them, but certain frustrations have started to set in.

first of all, the mother is a naturally noisy and loud person. She is seemingly unaware of how much noise she makes while working in her office, and that it is clearly disrupting her baby's naps. Conference calls, the printer (which is already loud) constantly going, mom randomly banging around in drawers and such is all causing this disruption. ive tried hinting that noise is the issue by closing the baby's door about 3/4 of the way, but mom will remains clueless and doesn't even try to bring the noise level down or even shut her own door.

She claims she can't figure out why the baby isn't napping past 15 or 30 minutes (she wakes up clearly exhausted still but can't fall back asleep because of....noise), and genuinely seems clueless. I can see the issue clear as day, but my suggestions for possibly utilizing a white noise machine has been met with resistance because "I want her to be able to sleep through anything. I don't want her to get used to something and then we have to take it everywhere with us just for her to sleep." It's a sucky excuse seeing that white noise machines today are smaller and more portable than ever (I have one myself that I take everywhere), but whatever. She's the parent and I'm being paid to do what she asks, so I didn't argue. However, even closing both of their doors would make such a huge difference but she mentioned something about the air flow in the rooms being cut off.

Because of all of this, I'm the one left with a cranky, overtired baby. It's getting to the point where I dread coming to work because I know half the day is going to be spent trying to get the baby down for nap only to have her wake 15 minutes in, exhausted. When mom has to leave during the day some days, the baby sleeps for up to 2 hours on a good day which solidifies my belief that the noise is the issue here. I reached my patience limit today when mom suggested that maybe I hold the baby for the duration of the baby's naps from here on out. If it does come to that, I will refuse and will look for another job as that would cause a myriad of other problems and no nanny that I know of wants to deal with trying to break the baby's dependence when it comes to being held during sleep. That's craziness in my opinion, so my question to everyone is, how would you go about bringing the noise thing to mom's attention without coming across as rude or mean? She is a first time mom so I knew it would be a little tough going into it, I just didn't expect something so simple to be so hard to understand for a parent. It's common sense to eliminate noise when a baby is napping (I would think, but apparently not..). I'm afraid that as cool as mom is otherwise, she will take it personally if I tell her that basically she is causing all of this.

Questions for readers:

Monday is around the corner (yikes) and for me, things could stay the same or they could change in a matter of a week. If they stay the same, I have to deal with a person I no longer care to deal with, and should things change, I am nervous and filled with anxiety about the change. According to my boss, there is a possibility things could stay the same, and there is a possibility they could change.

The issue is with my co teacher. I do like her, but I'm starting to see her differently. She does a great job, however, she needs to think about certain things: like for example, when a new child in our class cries because it is time to lay on their mat for naptime, rocking them and giving them a nuk because they are crying is not going to help them. Furthermore, letting that child keep her nuk all day, especially after MB asked us not to give it to her is not going to help the transition into the classroom. Secondly, if a staff member is having an issue with another child, step in and help the staff member, or if the child is running around the classroom, trying to climb tables, etc. ask them to stop. I'll be honest here: the children DO NOT listen to her at times. There's times they don't listen to me either, but I know she means well while working with the children. I just don't believe that being in a classroom is right for her, and believe that a support staff position is a better fit.

Then there's the issue of maturity, and what happened last week. My boss was not happy, my directors weren't happy, and I wasn't happy. A family vacation was planned and they wanted Thursday and Friday off last week, as they were leaving last Wednesday. Two of the sisters were wait listed forThursday, and all three, including myself, were wait listed Friday. To be wait listed means that you have to show up for work and if you can have the day off based on call ins, numbers, etc. then you have the day off. If not, then there's nothing administration can do about it. It does stink to be wait listed and not given the day off, but life happens. Knowing they were wait listed, I asked my co teacher if she had to work on Friday. She told me she didn't now, and that she had to find out. I asked her when she was leaving. She told me they were leaving on Wednesday after work.

This whole thing was planned. They planned to call in on Thursday and Friday, and that they did. And is was crazy staffing, due to the fact that we had a few college students leave already, so we are short staffed until the 15th, when the new staff start.

Monday I asked my director if she had a lesson plan from my co teacher, and the answer was no. I reminded my co teacher she needed to plan and prep that lesson plan prior to leaving, because when she came back, it would be her week. Nothing was completed, so my director had to take time out of her day to create a lesson plan.

She comes back on Monday, from what I heard. but I also heard otherwise. If she does come back, how do I interact with her? I'm not happy with what she did, and I feel like she should be demoted to support staff for that, because it could happen again. Her younger sister posted something on her FB page about how she quit the company, management was rude, and other stuff that had two parents in my classroom concerned, along with other parents. She also mentioned that her sisters would be quitting too. A lot of teachers are not happy with my co teacher or her sisters.

If I get a new co teacher, I'm very skeptical, because the first co teacher I had in this classroom was lazy, inexperienced and very green. She also walked out after five weeks with me, and she was there for two weeks before working with me.

Monday Monday....How I dread that day.

Chicago Bad Nanny Sighting

Bad nanny sighting in Chicago. August 4, Brentano school playground, around 11:00 am. This nanny had a toddler strapped in his stroller, totally ignoring him while she looked at her phone. He was strapped in there, clearly reaching out and wanting to be let loose to play. She ignored him aggressively. It was hard to watch. The poor kid was parked in the 90 plus degree heat for almost an hour while I played with my kids. I wanted to say something but she was very unnapproachable. She had a demeanor of not caring at all about this poor child. Very sad. Took pic from a distance but if you zoom you can see her somewhat.

Mom Busts Two Nannies At Dairy Ashford Roller Rink Houston Tx

My mom sensors went up when I saw a man without children befriending a group of kids. I saw him walking away from the rink with them towards the bathroom. I took pictures and found out the kids were with 2 nannies who were chatting and relaxing completely unaware of what the kids were doing. I had words with the nannies who then left with the children. The management was very helpful and concerned and will watch out for this guy and take suggestions. The mothers need to know about this - please contact me with any info.

Note from editor: I know this rink, it's a major icon in the neighborhood and the owners and neighbors are awesome humans. If there really is a bad guy there, he better run for the hills!!

Playground Rant...

I just wanted to rant a little bit about what happened today at the playground. I'm a nanny to 2 year old twins, and during the summer we are on the playground every day. Today, one of my charges was playing with another kiddo, that I'm guessing is similar age as he moved very alike (the unmistakable 2 year old half-running-half-waddling), and was similar size to my charge. My charge was yelling "I catch you!" at the other kid, they laughed, they would stop and giggle, and then the other would start the chasing. This went for a while, while the other kiddo's mother was clearly busy on her phone, and not paying attention. Since my other charge was happy to stand beside me and laugh at their antics, I had no problem watching all 3 kids. As with all toddlers, the laughing and running ended with a fall. My charge run into the other kiddo, and they both tumbled. I got in there to make sure everything is fine, and they were both still laughing. My charge had a skinned knee, while the other kid, scratched nose. As I was helping both of them back to their feet, my charge started yelling again 'I catch you' clearly wanting to restart the game. At this time, the mother seems to have looked up from her phone, and started running towards us and screaming 'what happened, what happened'. As soon as she saw her kiddo, she started yelling 'Oh God, Oh God he's hurt, he's too young to understand!' clearly very upset. All her screaming upset both my charge, and her kid. Her kid started to cry, and my charge started to say "Luke did hurt.." clearly getting very upset, and nearly plastered to my knee. My other charge was also getting scared, and starting to cry. I started to say to the mother that they were just playing and having fun, but the mother was getting more and more freaked out. I started to console both my charges that everything is fine, and that they didn't do anything wrong, which seemed to have enraged the mother even more. Finally I snapped at her that perhaps she should be paying attention to her kid if she doesn't want him running, while taking both kids away from her. She fumed for a bit and then left the playground.
I absolutely hate those kind of parents/guardians on the playground, a weird hybrid of overprotective with too busy to pay attention. While I don't like my charges getting hurt, I let them run, climb, play with other kids, and such, because I want them to grow up independent and confident. If they fall, I get them up, and after a quick hug or a kiss to owie, I set them to play again. If there's blood, we simply go to clean it up and then with 'let's be more careful, ok?', I set them off. My charges know to stay away from swings, share toys, play hide and seek, it, play ball with others, climb ladders and tall slides, push marry-go-round, etc. When another child plays to roughly with any of my charges or the other way around, I correct them with a smile by saying things like 'how about we do it a little slower' or 'let's let the big/other kids play on this', 'let's be very gentle with the baby' or 'it's for big girls/boys'.
Has anyone had a bad experience on a playground too? What is your worst pet peeve when it comes to playgrounds?

Best Way to choose?

What is the best way to choose a good nanny agency. I live in NY. Do you use the old companies-the ones that's been here for years like "A choice Nanny." Or do you go to what looks like a new one that's ran by a former Nanny- Tiny Treasures NYC or do you just sign up for all of them. I just want someone who will look out for my best interest. Would love any advice you guys have.

Trust and Payments

Whatever happen to wives trusting their husbands? Or should I ask why can't husbands take care of there own kids? Yes, funny question from a Nanny who wants to make money and loves kids, but I do have a family of my own I'd like to spend time with at night. So here is the situation: I have interviewed with 4 families that the husband gets home 2 or 3 hours before the mom , but mom makes it clear that dad doesn't do well with the kids by himself!( trust issue) Ok one incident was dad was going thru some sort of depression I get that, but the other 3 were clearly, that dad needs to man up & be a dad. I could see maybe stay for an hour so he could shower & unwind or go workout also could see if he had extra work to do around home then I'd get it. But one just seems kind of creepy to me & 2 be a dad spend some quality time with your kids, so I can spend some quality time with mine. No I didn't accept any of the positions... Just wanted to put it out there is this really normal...I've been a nanny for over 15 years and have never run into this until now like with in the last year.

Now to the question of payment: I have been using care.com to look for nanny positions, for one ,the area we live in is not very nanny oriented so they do not pay well and you may as well forget about benefits, anyway the family looking for a a nanny will post $10-$15 per hour (yikes I made $15 p/h when I left a position in the same area almost 15 years ago) so you go to interview with them all goes well till the topic of payments comes up knowing that when they post $10-$15 you might be able to negotiate $12.50-$13.00, Nope they treat you like you are nuts for even thinking that they would pay anywhere near $15, much less $10,and they want to hang up ,phone interview comes to an end. Just drives me nuts when they post a certain amount of hours or a price that they have no intention of abiding by! It's such a waste of my time!!!!

Question for the readers...

I have a question for readers, both those who are former childcare-preschool teachers with classroom experience and those who are career nannies, having never worked in a classroom prior to becoming a nanny. This is a situation that occurred last week after I left for the day in a different classroom, and the teachers involved are close to me: both mean the world to me and one of them is my co teacher. The other teacher is very sweet and I am close to her.

We are connected by a bathroom separating our classrooms of 2-3 year olds. There is a child in the other 2 year old room who is 3 years and 3 months. He has not moved up to the three year old room yet due to space issues from what I can see, and will most likely be moving into that room come fall. He is a very sweet child but he can be a handful, like any child. Recently he has become a challenge for his teachers; not listening, screaming, throwing temper tantrums, hitting, kicking, climbing furniture, etc. I believe he is bored in the classroom, and also believe that M and D do not provide any consequences for his behavior. The funny thing is that I can get him to listen and to stop his inappropriate behavior: last week he was in the corner screaming and he knew I was watching while in the bathroom changing a diaper. He kept screaming due to a tantrum. I noticed him screaming, and he saw me looking at him. He stopped immediately. Many times the door opens and his teacher will ask me to talk to this child because he isn't listening. I do what I can to help out when needed, because I know what it's like to have a child who doesn't listen, and sometimes you need the support from someone other than your director. I think it's a pride thing.

So the situation that happened last week involved this child's behavior which resulted in his teacher being stressed out and reaching a breaking point, and my co-teacher who was working in the classroom. I had been in the classroom all day due to one teacher being off and our classroom being at a one teacher ratio. This child did a fantastic job listening and following directions, and when I left, all hell broke loose. I wasn't there, but from what I was told, the behavior was bad enough to where our director was called into the classroom. I don't have specifics in regard to what actually happened, however, I was told bits and pieces by both teachers.

Our director had a meeting with both teachers which resulted in both of them in tears based on what the director had to say about her observations. I get where she is coming from and what she is trying to say, yet I question how she actually said it, and from what I have seen in regards to administration's communication with staff, I can guess that she wasn't using a firm but gentle tone. (I'm the OP who sent in a submission about not being promoted to a program director as part of my post, and this director knows I want that position. She told me to give it up, because it will never happen there and started laughing about it.)

The director and parent of this child had a meeting, and the result of that meeting from what his teacher told me is that all teachers aren't to discipline this child, meaning he can do what he wants. If he wants to jump off tables during group time he can, etc. D made this suggestion, and our director? She's ok with it. In other words, if he is asked to sit down at the table and chooses not to, or he is asked to do something, we cannot physically touch him or force him to do it.

Can someone help me understand the logic in this? This is the same director who got a child disenrolled for far worse behavior because she knew that parents were of no help to the situation. The same child who, at 2.5 opened the gate and ran onto the playground, slapped me across the face when I gave her a consequence for running away from the group while lining up to go inside. The same child who ran away from the group on a walk and had to be chased by a member of admin. The same child who was placed on a behavior plan two weeks after I started in the classroom who had twenty-five, yes twenty-five incident reports for inappropriate behavior in three months (do the math). The same child who, as part of the behavior plan, was sent home for the day for inappropriate behavior. The same child whose behavior was the result of the parents not providing consequences when it occurred and the behavior burning myself and my co teacher out because it affected the entire class. My director attempted to come up with strategies for this particular child. Nothing worked, M and D played the stupid card (" 'we don't know why she's acting like this or what we are doing wrong with her....' ") and this child was asked to find another center, mainly because my director gave up. This other child who is a problem in his classroom (not in mine) is behaving in a similar fashion, and instead of dealing with the problem, my boss is condoning it and supporting the behavior. What?!

I hate to bring this up, but if our center hired qualified teachers with more than one year experience, required classes and/or degrees in education, I believe it would raise the bar on standards and practices, and the chances of having issues like this would be slim. Of course the owner is more worried about other things than actually hiring more qualified people and paying them what they are worth.

So what do all of you think? Is my director wrong for her decision to follow the parent's wishes and let the child do what he wants? What would you do in this situation?

Advice Please

If you know of a former babysitter that was charged with endangering children and that knowledge is public, BUT has remarried only to change their name and now is divorced (a very short time later). Is there somewhere to be able to post something warning people of her new name. Maybe if they 'Googled" her "new" name it would connect the two? By the way she is not licensed to provide care, and part of her being convicted of 1 count of child endangering versus 6 counts was that she could not run a state licensed home daycare again. When she never had a license to begin with.

Lost in the sauce

Birthday Question

Hello! I had a question I was hoping to get some advice on. Im a regular babysitter/nanny (I watch the kids almost every day, I just use the title babysitter) to 4 kids, 3 girls and 1 boy. The boy turned 3 in June, the oldest girl turned 11 in July, and the youngest is turning 2 in August. The three kids are having a combined birthday party close to the youngest's birthday.

My question is: I already gave the oldest and the boy their presents after their birthdays past. Im wondering if I should get them anything for the birthday party? If I did, it would be a smaller gift than what I got them for their actual birthday. I was thinking, if I should get them something, get them an outfit and maybe a book or a small toy. What do you think? Also what are some good present ideas for a 2 year old? Thanks!

Copy Cats - Just Wrong!

Just starting to read a really good novel called ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD by CAROLINE ANGELL. So far, really good on many levels - dialogue, characterizations of moms, strategies with kids and more. The nanny is a composer and if you are musically oriented with voice or instruments there are many other descriptive depths.

The nanny/composer tells about an AWESOME professor she and her friends had where they created their hearts out for and with this academic authority creating wonderful music and themes etc all to emotional heights and all got A's. Yep you guessed it - after the semester ended the work they had done with the professor popped up everywhere - the nanny's contribution came on the theme song to a new dramatic tv series.

A nanny friend and I had that happen - we were between families and a new school opened up - not academic but creative - art, music and much more and the pay was good. We were invited to a meeting with the husband and wife whose sincerity reminded me of Sunday school teachers. We performed our little hearts out for them - songs, dances, plays, artwork, games, group activities, ways to deal with discipline, and much more.

Neither we nor any others interviewed got a position but we heard they used ALL our ideas!!! It was calculated! They specifically picked our experienced brains with no intention of hiring us.

Has this ever happened to anybody? And what steps do you take to prevent this?

More on this good book later

Leigh




Here is a little clip of Caroline Angell explaining her book!  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIgDcDlgd5U&authuser=0