From Leigh: Wow - I thought we would be getting email from nannies who are mothers, which we are - fine humans- but this topic is hitting a nerve with mothers who hire the NM's ( is that a new term we made up? ?)
From Mom Gina ( no last name please) ( Highland Park Dallas)
I had a disturbing incident with a nanny who was a mother. We set up an interview in which I would meet her daughter - 3 years, about 1 year older than my son, I thought he could learn from her and having a playmate would help him adjust as I went back to work. With planning, 2 kids can be sometimes better than a lone child imo.
I learned about this nanny from a friend of a friend and so she comes to my house not with one child but 3! An older girl, 7, the 3 year old and an 11 year old girl in a wheel chair, unable to talk, barely able to move. My house is not equipped with the proper ramp so it took my next door neighbor's husband and their gardener to pick her up the porch/stairs to get her into the house.
The two hour interview became about making sure all her kids were ok, with snacks, drinks, which ever of my son's toys were not too beneath them. I had to guard my boy while things were being thrown and spilled. I tried - I asked questions, I tried to get her to interact with my boy but - her kids needed her themselves, and her special needs daughter broke my heart, a really sweet unfortunate child. I tried to ask - now - who will be watching your kids while you are with B.? And the answer was very long winding - sometimes her mom could watch them, sometimes her aunt etc - but nothing ever certain 100%.
I could not hire her under these circumstances. We had to wait till my husband got home to safely get the wheelchair-bound child out of the house and back into the vehicle. I emptied my fridge of anything I thought they could use and gave her money for gas.
I had a conversation with my friend asking if she KNEW the circumstances and she said yes, but the mother needs help so badly she thought I could help. Well, I need to take care of MY son and family - so flame away! But I did feel very bad for that mother, or nanny etc.
It was kind of you to give her food and gas money. It was also the right decision not to hire her as her situation was too untenable.
ReplyDeletep.s. Leigh please stop with the moderation /blow by blow commentary. This isn't how to generate replies. This was a good post. Which is why I commented but your incessant blathering is too much
I am not moderating ! That would be not letting everyone comment in real time, right? ----but - thank you for any positive view - we are trying even though not perfect !And your reply is awesome - keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWouldn't the 7 and 11 year old be in school all day? Yes, even the 11 year old with special needs - federal law requires that public schools provide all children, even children with severe special needs, a free and appropriate education in the least restrictive environment possible, so unless this is child is so medically fragile that she qualifies for home-bound status, she's likely in school. Not that I think the OP was wrong to decline to hire this woman, since her reliability seemed tenuous and her youngest child sounded like s/he would detract from this woman's ability to do her job of watching the OP's child; I'm just wondering.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing. Kind of you to help out with food and gas, but absolutely the right decision to not hire her. If somebody isn't putting their best foot forward in an interview, it's only going to go downhill from there.
ReplyDeleteWhere is my comment?
ReplyDeleteanonymous - sometimes weird things happen on the blog - we love comments - please repeat it if it got lost
ReplyDelete