I have had 2 experiences with Nannies who were mothers and brought their kids to my house while working. I thought of all the nice possibilities - my daughter who was 4, 2 years ago, would have a built in playmate and my acquaintance was able to give a bit of a discount as we are not rich . Her 5 year old son dominated my daughter, breaking her toys, even reaching over for her food when he had his own. He was angry, when his mom was doing her nanny job with my daughter he would sometimes have really disturbing tantrums. She needed the money and just acted like there was no problem at all. My boyfriend and I ( not married) did not feel comfortable leaving her at home.by herself, we were able to get both our mothers to help a little but finally we had to say no more - it was very hard on the acquaintance, we somehow pooled together some money for severance.
Fast forward- a year later we enlisted a different nanny/birthday specialist to bring the cake/supplies/games/decorations and much more and she regaled us how hew 3 year old daughter would dress as "tinker belle" and "help". Tinkerbelle tore up our garden - methodically killed all the flowers and vegetables. I am assuming because of anger seeing her mother make much of our daughter as the b-day girl.
I am sure there are many situations where a nanny/mom gets it right and I do feel badly for those in hardship but we had these 2 experiences
If I were a parent, I don't think I would ever hire a nanny who brought her own kids along. I'd be paying them to ensure that MY child's needs were being met, which she couldn't do fully if she had her own kid to deal with. Plus, I don't feel as though mothers are as able to be objective about other people's children and family situations. Of course, nannies may do things a little differently than their MB/DB, but in my experience, friends and colleagues who are parents have a difficult time extracting themselves from the "well, if it was MY kid, I'd..." mentality.
ReplyDeleteOT Nanny, I respect your thought on that, but with that being said, Not all Nannies get paid enough to find other child care, or they want to be a working Mom and still be with their children. I could not justify watching someone else children and not beable to take care of my own. More and more companies now days are becoming more family oriented and letting parents bring their infants to work.
ReplyDeleteI know you could not bring a whole slew of children, but if you had 1 or 2 children of your own and they were around same age(s) of you Charges, I would think that would work as long as the Nanny was doing her job and not over stepping her responsibilities and make sure she is doing the job she is being paid to do.
I know this topic is a double edge sword. I am a Mom and a former Nanny. I brought my child with me and there was not an issues, I was a Nannyfor this family for 10 years. I did turn down 2 jobs would not let me bring my daughter, I am so glad I did!
I forgot to add. I understand the other side also, not as a Nanny view, but a parents view and favoritism. In our area the coaches are usually parents of one of the children on the team 1st through 6th grade. Not only are the coaches kids favored and get to have the most playing time, but the coaches tend to be best friends of their kids friends and they all get the favoritism treatment. Now the kids are older they have paid coaches and what a difference it has made, they are actually a team this year, not a clicky group.
ReplyDeleteSo I feel that a Nanny job that you bring your kids with could in some instances cause issues. I guess the Nanny needs to be able to judge fair and treat everyone the same.
I know that financial constraints are different for everyone, I just don't begrudge anyone who says they wouldn't hire someone who had to bring their own child with them. I suppose in the absolute right situation, it could work, but adding in someone's own child just poses a lot of potential conflicts. What if their own child is sick? Then, they can't go to work. I could also see the mom-nanny inadvertently guilt-tripping their MB because of circumstances surrounding their own child, or the MB feeling obligated to defer to the woman as a parent, not as her employee. It just seems like a very thin line that could be crossed too easily. I loved the families I worked with, I loved the kids and the parents were always kind and welcoming to me, but I think it's important to keep a certain level of professional distance, which might be harder for a parent.
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