"Some sort of wiener thing"?

Hi,
I have a peeve that is getting worse as the situation intensifies. Our 25 year old Polish nanny seems to struggle with feminine itching.  She has only been with us for three months. This is something I thought I noticed in my peripheral vision when I was leaving for work, and another time from a distance. I of course, said nothing and moved on.

Yesterday, a friend of mine came up to me and told me that she had met the new nanny and she was lovely and so good with both kids. She asked me if she could ask her or if I would ask her about any similarly minded friends she might have because she was looking for a part time nanny.

I said sure, of course. She thanked me. Then as we were parting, she says, "You know, I have to say, and not to be mean, but what is with the itching?" Right away it clicked in my head what I had seen before, but my face must have looked quizzical. My friend says, ""really not to be mean, but she was attentive to both kids, but she kept walking away to the bushes. I realized then that when she turned and faces the bushes, she was frantically itching her nether regions".

I said, "What????" truly shocked by now the "frantically" part.

My friend says, "No, I shouldn't say anything, I'm sorry, I mean she must have some sort of weiner thing going on? Maybe buy the girl some yogurt."

Now, I didn't know how to respond because I am talking to a SAHM and I am a working Mom so the balance always lies in her authority as being present, in the home, in the preschool, on the playground. I couldn't help but feel that this, was somehow reflective of me. I immediately felt guilty and embarrassed, and a little mad.

My friend sees this, and says, "Oh God, no, I'm sorry. It was just hard not to notice."
I said, "Well she must have a personal thing going on, I hope she can sort it out privately."
Now my friend laughs and says, "if she sorted it out privately, I wouldn't know about it." and then she made a snippy comment and went on her way.

The reason I am writing is for feedback. Do you think it is possible that the mom friend noticed something, even obscure and is intentionally making it seem like a public health concern/epic incident just because she resents that I have found a certain caliber of nanny? Do I address this? And how?

Trying to sort something out? Share it with us by email at isynblog@gmail.com, always confidential.

Quitting My Nanny Job

Currently I am a nanny for a 3 year old and 3 month old, I have been with the family about a year and a half. Originally I had the 3 year old in daycare when she was 1 in the toddler room. At the time the Directer was very mean to parents and staff. I had told the mom I might be leaving for a nanny job, unfortunately that fell threw so she offered me a job to watch the little girl at home. We agreed upon paid holidays and 650 every two weeks ( watch child and clean floors once a week). And when the baby was born I got a raise to 680 every two weeks. The family is very nice and I get along with them for the most part pretty well. But being I'm 23 I'm at the point where I wanna start my own family soon and go back to school. In a month I'm going to give my 8 week notice buy for some reason I feel extremely guilty.? Like they won't be able to find another nanny ( pays kinda low but that is what i agreed to )or get into a daycare. I just want end on a good note and dread the 8 week notice. I've never been good a quitting jobs but nannying is more personal than a typical office job. Any advice, stories, would definitely help me out.

Email isynblog@gmail.com with your questions.

Nanny Duties- Packing?

Hi! I am a younger nanny who is currently working for my first nanny family, I have an associates degree in ECE. I work with a one year old and a six year old. The family I work for travels often, at least once a month. This was something that was mentioned to me during the interview process and I am happy to report that I am always paid the same while they are traveling. My question is about packing for the children, which has never been discussed between me and my employers. I am expected to completely pack for them on my own and when they return I am expected to completely unpack. I am curious if this is a common nanny duty? Any and all input is appreciated!

What's on your mind? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Mom Blaming Rant

Hi,
I am writing in response to the post last week about the part time nanny who said ugly things to the mom before she left. I did not appreciate the comments directed at the mom. You don't know her story. Maybe she was injured during childbirth? Maybe she has to work to keep a roof over their head. I don't like the notion that anytime some wild nanny goes off her rocker it must certainly be due to the employer. She is blamed because she wasn't a good mother, she wasn't present, she didn't keep halibut in the freezer. I mean STOP. Seriously. And all of you who complain that a mom isn't a good mother because she isn't with her child 24/7. Are you kidding? Isn't your whole employment based around the concept of mom's needing help with their children? Isn't that kind of like being a mad that you are a fry cook at the only taco bell in town and then burning it down?

I've had good nannies and I've had bad. The reason they were this way or that is connected to one thing only and that is the cloth they are cut from. I have had honest nannies and deceitful nannies. I've never had an underpaid nanny but I've had thieving nannies. I had a nanny who got her period while lounging on the chaise and tried to cover it up by smearing spaghettios into it, and blaming the 3 year old. The upholstery specialist was able to ascertain the origins of the stain and yes it was a period piece that was ruined beyond repair, but wouldn't have been if she had just been honest.

I've provided nanny vehicles for the nannies over the years. When we had live-in nannies, they used the vehicles 24/7. I've had vehicles towed, vehicles ticketed and never paid and when replacing the insurance cards in the glove compartment, I've found a baggie full of MOLLY. I had one nanny who seemed wonderful, she had energy and was creative. I thought she was health conscience. She asked for psyllium husks and snap peas and hummus and tofu. I assumed the drink she carried around was one of her shake cococtions. I'd been near her when my then five year old asked for a sip and she reminded him, "remember we made one for you in the blender yesterday, you didn't like it?". Maybe sometimes it was a health shake, but it was also WYLERS SUGAR FREE GRAPE DRINK AND VODKA a good percentage of the time. And I only know because the empty popov ( a very cheap vodka we don't drink) alerted me to a problem.

I've had a nanny cut my two year olds hair. (!!!), sign a child up for magic camp and borrow my clothing. I've had fat nannies, thin nannies, black nannies and white nannies. You don't know what you are getting. You are at the mercy of their references. We hope they are honest, but maybe they are just trying to unload a hostile? Because I've dealt with a hostile too. A hostile is a nanny who runs the show perfectly, but then starts running you. You have requests or complaints but are afraid to say anything. You feel as if you are living a Nazi Regime. She would say to me things like, "It's hard for me to enforce the children to take their shoes off at the door if you don't", and then look at me waiting for me to take off my shoes. She organized everything. Then she would ask me something like, "did you drop these overalls in the washer? I was processing whites only?" and she would look at me sternly, and I only responded, "sorry".  She made lists of toys that I needed to buy. She wouldn't let the kids watch nickelodeon on her clock.  It came time to fire her and I couldn't fire her. She treated the firing with a negotiation. She asked for more money and suggested that if she went down to four days a week, I could set the pace of the days better. I AGREED! Fortunately, my husband stepped in and terminated her.

SO please, stop mom hating and mom blaming. I've seen people complain that nannies are over running this site. I don't see that. I'm here. I don't write, it's not in my wheelhouse, but expect to hear my voice loudly from this day forward.

Sincerely,
Proud New York WAHM with nanny

Send your rant to isynblog@gmail.com.

Let's Talk Pay

I have a question for parents. Going rate for a full time nanny in my area is around $15/hour and that is considered average without a degree but with good references. I am wondering what parents would pay for a full time nanny with more than 6 years of nanny experience, a bachelors degree in some sort of related field (child psychology, early education, or communication), great references, and the ability and capability for taking on all responsibilities genuinely and whole heartedly related to their child's growth and development (manners, discipline, fine/gross motor skills, communication skills, teaching appropriate aged subjects, etc).

There is a difference between having a full time nanny to be there and play with the children and keep them safe, and having someone considerably raise your child with the best intentions using experience and education.

Considering the average is $15 for say a safe and reliable nanny, what would you be willing to pay? Also, what would you pay if the nanny also had additional house chores (laundry, organization, general upkeep, errands, grocery shopping, the like)? Again, keep in mind this would be for a career nanny...... Or would you not be willing to pay the extra amount and instead go for the lesser priced nanny?

If you could also please state your location that would be great. Thanks all!

Have an idea for a feature? Or poll? Let us know by writing isynblog@gmail.com.

Step Away from The Dog

I work for a great family.Kids are sweet, I truly enjoy them! The parents don't micromanage, pay well, and on time.

There are a few small things that I over look, like the fact that the parents are always late.  There's really no set schedule so each day I'm wondering when I'm coming in or going home. It usually works out to be around the same amount of hours which is fine for my budget but it really burns my butter when DM says she will be home at 8:30 and then texts me AT 8:30 saying she hasn't left yet. If she texts at all!! Its 8:30 i just finished running around the house to have everything done at that time and now basically its a waiting game. They pay me hourly, so they assume it doesn't matter but it does i have a life too. I always ask what time do think you will be home and its never the time they told me. Sometimes they say they don't know. That they could be late, when they asked me to stay late i thought they meant 10:00pm which is when DF usually comes home and the latest they know I want to stay on a school night. Nope it was 2:30 am. Mind you, I have my own children to get up for school in the morning. They know this and I'm guessing this is why they don't clarify what time exactly they will be home because they know i will say no. I have learned how to just deal with it because it's just the way their careers are.And really everything else about the job is perfect except for the main stinking issue!!!!!!!

The dog is a monster!!! Hes aggressive! ! Hes bitten the kids and attacked me! The first time he bit me the parents said hes never done that before. I had just started so I figured OK he doesn't know me, He will see I'm a good person. Then he bites the 9 year old really bad a few times over the next 6 months. The parents make it seem like i didn't protect their kids, meanwhile the kid tells me its happened before. I do everything the parents ask to change how we interact with the dog. If u drop anything and i mean anything on the floor leave it bc the dog runs to it and if you reach to pick it up your facing a real bad attack. The dogs only 25 pounds but hes vicious! ! My legs all scared up from the first time and just 2 days ago he bit the crap outta me while I was folding laundry. a sock fell on the floor I went to get it, and thank God I had a sheet in my hands because i was able to swing it in front of his face to protect my body, he ripped up the sheet but he still got my other leg. I'm pissed that I will have another scar! !! I'm pissed that the parents don't seem to think the 2 year old is gonna have his face bitten off! I'm pissed they haven't even done anything to solve this problem. I know i have been angry at work because of this. I don't feel respected at all! Its reflecting in my performance and they don't see its because of their lack of concern for me and the kids safety. I'm Sure they think I just don't like the dog and i don't want to have to take care of it is the reason the dog attacked or something stupid like that. No its simply that I've tried to like the dog but I'm done walking on egg shells around it and truth be told yeah my job would be a lot easier if the dog wasn't there.

Problems on the job? Email isynblog@gmail.com. Always confidential.

Pay & Help Finding the Right Nanny for a 6-9 Month Assignment

I am currently pregnant with my first and am thinking of hiring a nanny. The position would be fairly short-term; it would begin when she is 3 months old and last until she is 9-12 months old, at which point I’d like to enroll her in daycare. I can find out the going pay rate in my area easily enough but I am curious what you think would be fair as far as PTO and other benefits are concerned for a 6-9 month long position?

I’m a former nanny/babysitter myself so I definitely want to be respectful of her and not expect her to do things outside of a typical nanny job description. What duties, if any, have you had beyond the actual childcare for a young baby? For example, would baby-related cleaning duties (such as doing the baby’s laundry and keeping baby’s room clean, including dusting/vacuuming it once a week) be reasonable to expect or do you think those duties require additional compensation above the norm?

I will pay her on the books and have a contract. What types of questions would you recommend I ask during interviews? Based on my due date, we would need the nanny to start around late March/early April. When would you recommend beginning the hiring process? Thanks in advance for any advice!

Submit your question or confidential nanny sighting to isynblog@gmail.com.

Poached

By Rebecca Nelson Lubin
ISYN Guest Author

My favorite scene on Bravo’s new original scripted series “Odd Mom Out” is where the Uber Alpha East Side Mom Brooke urged her sister in law Jill to “staff up” and procure a nanny. Jill (the odd mom out of the title) asks what nanny agency she should call. The overly confident and bitchy Brooke laughs off that idea and takes Jill to a popular children’s museum where they can observe the nannies from a high balcony and decide which one to poach, like big game hunters seeking out the best trophy. It is a delicious scene to watch.

So, my fellow nannies, a show of hands, who has been poached on this blog? And let’s not leave the parents out. Who reading this has been guilty of being a big bad poacher? I myself have been poached twice in my nanny career, plucked out of what previously seemed just peachy a position and led towards greener pastures. The first time I was poached, it was by a good friend who offered me a significantly higher salary than I was receiving at the job I have actually loved for a little over a year. How could I say no? Better pay, working with a friend, and the promise of fun travel on the horizon. I jumped ship and never regretted my decision. My friend and I worked together for an agreed upon contacted year, and you know what? It was great. I made more money and received better benefits and travelled with the family to far-flung fun places.

 My second poaching proposal (Several years and another job later) around came my way as a second hand secret. One of the mom’s I was friendly with on the playground had floated my name to her friend who was expecting. Mom A (my friend) had gotten out of me what it would take to leave my job, and had told Mom B. (Her friend.) Mom B had Mom A make me an offer. It was all very mob like. I didn’t even get to meet the Big Lady until it was already agreed via our go between that I could be had for a raise, medical benefits, and paid sick days, paid vacation days and paid bank holidays. And poof – just like that I was plucked off the playground to a new position. Again, I had no regrets and I equally adored my new job along with the perks my old job had not offered.

Now this is not to say that I am the type to jump ship at the drop of a hat, continually seeking out greener pastures. I have been stubbornly loyal to many jobs, no matter how pretty and shiny the poacher might be, and there have been some mighty tasty threads dangled in my face over the years. I have said no to a pitch of “more money and less hours” because truthfully, I just really liked the family I was already with. Starting over with an adorable baby who sleeps all day? No thank you. That 90’s television actress I crossed paths with in my neighborhood Whole Foods who was toting an adorable toddler? Yes, I told her with a smile, I was a Nanny. But no, I said, still smiling, I was not available.

Sometimes we can be so satisfied with what we already have that even the shiniest of stars cannot sway us away. And perhaps that is the real answer with poaching. If your nanny is happy with her job, then nothing and nobody can steal her away.

Rebecca Nelson Lubin is a nanny and writer who resides in Marin County, California. You can follow her writing at rebeccanelsonlubin.wordpress.com. 

If you would like to share a story, please email isynblog@gmail.com.

At All Costs, Avoid "Birdie"

Dear ISYN,
This is a warning about a nanny named Vivienne C who goes by the nickname "Birdie". She is a Jamaican with a Green card who lives in Brooklyn and works in Brooklyn and the city. I hired her as a temp to work 24 hours a day between the end of the baby nurse and the arrival of my au pair from England.

She only worked for us for two different shifts. One 4 days on and one 6 days on. She was paid $150 per day. At the end of the first week she mentioned to me that I shouldn't feel pressured to switch my baby to formula. She suggested she knew many people who could provide breast milk. I told her that I was comfortable with the choice to move to formula in prep for my return to work.

When she returned for her final six day shift, the baby seemed to be spitting out a lot of the formula during the bottles I offered. I was home at this time, had returned to work but had not left the home yet. I was setting up my office, in and out, etc. Well, on her 6th day in the morning, I paid her, although she wasn't going to leave until 4. I paid her $900 which was exactly what was due. I went out and returned. When I came back I noticed an attitude with her. I offered to take the baby for her 2 PM feeding. I tried to feed the baby and the baby was doing everything possible to avoid swallowing, playing with nipple, spitting out, holding air in her cheecks, etc.

I asked Birdie, "Have you had the same problem with -Baby Girl- not wanting to swallow". She looked at me with what I thought was disgust and said, "No, I never have a single problem with that baby". "Okay, I said. She didn't walk away and stood there. Then she said, "You know I have to say, it is customary to tip between 10 and 20% at the end of a job like this." I was caught off guard. I said, "Birdie, we've only used you for two weeks." She said, "Yes, AROUND THE CLOCK."

I said, "I'm sorry I didn't budget for that".

She then looks around the family room and says mockingly, "Didn't budget for that, okay".

I said, "You know, I'm sorry if you are upset. You've been paid, you are free to leave now, should you like"

She said, "Oh that would be MOST FINE"

She grabs her bag which is already packed and drags it down the steps, roughly so it hits every step. I try to look the other way as I am still trying to give a bottle. She stops and looks at me and says, "Oh you the mom and you don't know that baby don't like that formula. Good luck".

This made me angry. I said, "What are you saying?" Thinking she was saying I was a bad mom. She stood there NODDING dramatically. I screamed "JUST GET OUT OF MY HOUSE". I was holding the baby and she looked at me now shaking her head and said, "oh you don't know alright".

I stood up, put the baby down in the carrier and said, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"

She said, "relax old lady, your fine, it's not your baby who like my breast milk" and then she cackled and dragged her bag so slowly to the door. Then she called over her head to my daughter, "Goodbye baby, enjoy your life with servants and slaves."

Again, BIRDIE is her nickname. I found her on Craigslist. I live in Park Slope. I could not slam the door fast enough. I changed the locks, changed my credit card numbers. I did not feel good about that. And if that was a dig at my husband, she's crazy, he had no contact with her (NOR WOULD HE)

From London to New York

I am 21 from London currently studying distantly towards an English literature degree and have been nannying for three years, my current family are moving to the country side and I have no desire to move there. I have always dreamed about moving to New York and have heard that there a ton of nannying jobs in NY. Is there much change of them employing someone overseas or would they prefer someone local who knows the area? I'm also wondering if it's easy to make friends, I'm very sociable and easy going but I know it can be a struggle to make friends.

Email isynblog@gmail.com with all things nanny, nanny employer & childcare. 

What Am I Doing Wrong?

I need some help from people in the Chicago area! I was born and raised in New York and had been living in Connecticut for the last five years before I moved to the Chicago area late last year. I’ve been a nanny for eight years, the last five years have been solely for high end families. I’ve always been completely full charge, extremely well compensated, noticeably appreciated (most important), and have always genuinely looked forward to going to work every day. Until I moved to Chicago. :(

I accepted a position caring for six month old twins after only a Skype interview and it was really great at first. But my employers work a school schedule with summers off. So I worked full charge January to mid-May. Then they were both home for a full three months. They genuinely didn’t need me. I’ve never had a harder time with a job. I’ve thrived in positions where I’ve been needed and not been a luxury and for all three months I was a luxury. Both parents were home the whole time I would be there. It was so incredibly uncomfortable I came home so frustrated every day. This may sound petty, I don’t mean it to be. But my last position in CT was 60+ hours a week, completely full charge for 3.5 years. To go from that to essentially be a mother’s helper for so long was the last thing I was interested or comfortable with. They dropped my pay from my generous weekly salary to paying me hourly. Some weeks I didn’t even clear $200. FOR THREE MONTHS. So on top of being completely uncomfortable at work…if I didn’t GO to the uncomfortable job.. I made no money. I even visited my old boss back in CT in June and when I told her about the job the first thing she said was “…but they’re still paying you your full salary during the summer right?…Why don’t these people understand this is your career?” This summer has completely changed my feelings toward my bosses because I can’t wrap my brain around how they thought I was surviving financially for that long amount of time (I had to borrow a large amount of money from my boyfriend). And to answer a potential question if I spoke with them about it..I didn’t. Because these are the type of people that write checks out to the penny…i.e. $110.25 My old boss would’ve rounded to the nearest 100…rounding to the nearest dollar would’ve been decent. So I knew having a conversation about summer compensation would’ve been a waste of breath.

School is back in session so I’m full charge again. But I’m actively looking for a new position and have gone on a few wonderful interviews. Most usually start with a phone interview that goes great and then I go to the family’s home for an interview that never lasts less than an hour. They all act impressed with me, I make them laugh, I leave my references’ contact info before I leave if I’m still interested in the position, I send a lovely follow up email later that night thanking them for their time, etc. I’ve yet to land a new position. I turned jobs away left and right in Connecticut and I can’t for the life of me figure out what families in Chicagoland are looking for that I’m not bringing to the table. I’ve got extensive multiples experience, I genuinely love my job, love caring for children. I go in completely professional with the greatest attitude. I say not a SINGLE bad word about my current family - I simply state that I’m looking for a new position that will be consistent throughout the year. I have the greatest of references that not one of the interviewers have contacted - I feel like if they did I’d be a shoe in. I’m contractually obligated to give at least three weeks notice to my current employers which I would never morally give less. One family had been looking for someone to start ASAP. So I understand that one. But what am I missing for the rest? Is something important in this area that maybe wasn’t back east? Something I should be highlighting or doing differently? Help!

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Market Rate

I would love to hear from nannies (and parents,) about what the rates, qualifications, and general nanny market is like in the area they are in.

I am a professional nanny & house manager of seventeen years. I have multiple degrees and certifications that are applicable to the industry as well as experience with special needs, multiples, and extremely large families (7+.) I am currently in the Phoenix area and have a base rate of $15/hour in this area (one child with only basic nanny duties.) I am from the NorthBay Area of San Francisco and when I left there a year and a half ago my base rate was $20/hour for one child and basic nanny duties only. In the Phoenix area my pay rate is considered “high end” and the average positions posted with placement agencies and on sites like Craigslist are for positions that are from $20 PER DAY to $15/hr for several children as well as some housekeeping duties.

Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Very Bad and Mean People

Hello everyone I am very sad , depressed and not happy at all. I REALLY NEED HELP with my case. I was hired for a family on 2014 (January ) to take care of an awesome 3 year old and be her nanny. When they interview me ( restaurant ), they seemed very nice people and gave me the job right away and offer me $1000 dollars weekly on the books for 60 hours (700 cash). Of course, I was so happy thinking this will be the job I will stay forever but after 1 year and half I CAN NOT STAND IT AND WANT TO QUIT. As I mentioned, PARENTS seemed nice but with the time, they became very bad and mean people.

Many little things happened and want to explain all of them so all of you can help me because I really need it.

-Mom told me one day THERE IS FOOD WE COOKED , BABY CAN HAVE IT AND U CAN HELP YOURSELF and Dad said : BABY ONLY CAN HAVE IT :(

- Dad told me : MY WIFE ONLY DECIDED TO HIRE YOU . I ASKED what about you? he said : it was her decision NOt mine :(

-THEY(mom and dad) DON'T SAY GOOD MORNING, HELLO, THANKS, PLEASE etc. I have to be the one always saying hello and most of the time THEY IGNORE ME:

-THEY NEVER talk to me about what will happens for example if they will come early , or next day they won't work. They only talk to the baby and said : no worry baby I will come early today or your uncle will visit you. I Know what will happen during the day ONLY BECAUSE they talked to the baby NOT TO ME :(

-Dad used to make me drive him every day to the bus stop also , pick him up and I had to rush what was I doing (bathing baby or feeding ) to get him because he used to request me to pick him up in like 15 minutes :(

- THEY have cameras everywhere around,outside ,inside the house and when I told them I felt uncomfortable with it because I have never worked with it, they said : too bad we won't take it out and they put even MORE CAMERAS without telling me :(

- They have a GPS in the car and follow me everywhere :(

- One day I woke up with fever but decided to go to work so I wouldn't get in trouble. In the afternoon, I TEXTED mom POLITELY asking if was possible to leave early because I had 104 of fever and she got really mad and texted me really bad and hurting words. She got home and screamed at me saying : WHY I Went to work if I WOKE UP SICK, I explained and said didn't want to cause a trouble that's why I came to work and SHE only said : HOPE BABY DIDN'T GET SICK BECAUSE OF you. The "funny " part is that one night before I TOLD MOM that I started having fever and didn't feel good. She ignored me and went to talk to baby :(

- One day, I prepared some Colombian food for baby and me ( they allow me to use kitchen) and had some left over so I storage it in a glass container (theirs). I received a text at 11:30 PM asking me what was "that" I explained nicely that was my food and was told : NEXT TIME USE THE CONTAINERS THAT WERE ON THE RECYCLING bag:(

-They don't respect my TIME OFF they can text me any time at night or weekend to ask silly things like : were is the blue ball, were are baby's shoes ( baby has more than 10 pairs ) , were is the monitor( they have 10 cameras), were are baby diaper, who is in the picture that you sent us in the afternoon etc and HONESTLY I AM VERY TIRED OF IT because after 12 hours of working I REALLY NEED TO REST AND SPEND TIME WITH MY FAMILY. If will be an emergency , will be ok with me :(

- I went to swim with baby to the lake and when we came back I put everything in the washer and because it was late AND I had to leave, and I thought that next day I will put it on the dryer. My surprise was that all CLOTHES( baby clothes, towels) WERE ALREADY IN THE DYER and OF COURSE DRY and my bathing suit was all wet on top of the washer machine smelling bad because of been wet all night . Could be just a silly thing but IT HURT ME :(

- When I decide to talk about baby bad behavior, dad walks away and let me talking to myself I really think is very DISRESPECTFUL. Because it happened many times, I decided NOT TO LET THEM KNOW when baby has a bad behavior because I know they will ignore me or get mad and said that I am wrong and their child is one of the perfect kids on the earth so since that day on I ONLY SAY: Baby did very good today even thought it;s a lie.

- In my contract says that I only need to take care of baby but when I started, I ofer to but baby's food when there is none at home, NOWADAYS, They only do shopping for them not even MILK for baby they wait for MONDAYS and tell me to buy it even though they went to the store during the weekend.

- They only empty the dishwasher with all what they use. They don't put away baby things either cups or plates I use. When I do empty the dishwasher, I EMPTY EVERYTHING.

-Probably, you will ask IF they HAVE done any positive thing to you : YES, PAID ME ON TIME, gave me some presents for Christmas and my bonus.

- These are only some of the " little things" that I can write because If i will write all of them i will take forever . Some of my friends told me to quit but other says to be strong and just do it for money. Even though I only see them for 1 hour per day, I FEEL THEY MAKE MY LIFE VERY MISERABLE.

** Maybe many of you think that I should talk to them WELL, I DID. I spoke with her first and explain how I feel I even cry and what I gOt for an answer : I DON'T SEE IN ANY PART THAT WE DISRESPECTFUL YOU. After that,MOM, DAD AND ME had a " meeting " and I was told that they walk away from me because THEY DONT WANT TO HEAR ME , THEY DONT CARE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND , BECAUSE I " COMPLAINT A LOT " If I wasnt happy with the job I SHOULD LEAVE , I only said : I AM VERY HAPPY WITH BABY :(

Money in this case is not the problem because the only good thing is that I GET always paid on time and not have any complain with it. The only issue are the parents which HONESTLY I am tired of all what they do to me .

I love the baby SO MUCH , AND also need the money. DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO :( should I stay and just stand everything or LEAVE AND BE HAPPY. PLEASE HELP ME I NEED IT.

That Can't Be Okay!

One of the gals in my circle took a nanny job in Chelsea. The pay is $22 an hour or something of the like. I don't even know how she got the job. This girl has no real experience. She also brings that baby with her everywhere. She was sitting outside with the baby and put her in her carrier so she could smoke, but she didn't even move. We've also met at Starbucks twice and both times, this friend gets a coffee and a muffin and chews up the muffin and then puts it in the baby's mouth. Her spit. And she is a smoker? Come on now! That can't be okay!


See something nannyish? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

On the Curb, with the Garbage

Dear I Saw Your Nanny,

I was hired on August 2 by a family in Scarsdale, NY to care for there two children 9 months and 2.5 years. I had responded to an ad in the local newspaper. My references were checked. I started. Things seemed to go okay. On me, they were very hard because the parents both left by 7 and didn't get home before 7:30. During this time, I was busy every minute with the two kids.

After the first week, we had an impromptu meeting to discuss how things were going. I was thanked for everything I was doing and assured it would get easier and the days would "soon be shorter".  I arranged for a service to bring my things to me at their house, about 12 boxes, which I unpacked over the course of two days.

At the end of the second week, I noted that my check remained $750, which was the basic salary agreed upon for the hours of 7:30-6:30. That's already a long day, and especially for $750. I asked my female employer if I should expect to get paid for all of the over time. (I had not worked a single day that was less than 12 hours, some were as long as 14 hours). She told me with a smile, "I'm so sorry, it's been unusually hectic. Let things get settled and we will not just figure out what we owe you but also give you some time off to catch your breathe". I was satisfied with that.

Two more weeks go on and they are the same. The mother's excuse was plausible because she had just returned to work and the father always worked long hours. On the home front, the kids really missed mom and it took a lot of dancing on my head to keep them happy and entertained. I used some of my money to replace the provided TV in the nanny quarters with a very nice, new TV that I got for $400 at Walmart and was huge.

What I am trying to convey is that I worked every angle trying to make it positive. I waited on the payment, I pushed myself to the limits with the kids, gave it 100% and got moved in and tried to set up a nice nanny area.

Imagine my surprise when at 2:20 PM, the door opens on Thursday, Sept 10th and my female boss comes home. The baby is in the swing, dozing. The three year old is at nursery school. I'm sitting in a reclined position on the sofa four feet from the baby playing music on my IPAD.

She says, "GET UP"
I get up, "Oh my god, what's wrong?" I ask.
She says, "I want you out of my house"
I am in shock. "What???" I ask.
"Get your things together and I want you out. You have 30 minutes or I am calling the police". With that, she RUSHED to the swing, picked up the baby and stood by the door. She shouted at me, "let's go, let's go"
I was in shock. I wanted to burst into tears,but I was also scared. I was in some other person's home. What did I do? Exactly what she said. I threw my possessions into garbage bags and other things and dragged them outside to the front porch. I texted all of my friends that I needed a ride quick because my boss was freaking out.  I was sweating to death, going down the stairs and up the stairs, carrying out stuff. She stood there with the baby at the whole time watching me. She barked, "How much longer". I held back tears. "Probably two more trips" I said. And I hurried even faster. The next time I passed her she barked again, "I'll need the keys and the garage door opener". I went back and got the rest of my stuff. I was trying to carry it all out in one last trip. When I got to the door, she stepped in my path (baby was now away) and said "The keys". I reached for the garage door opener and keys from two different areas and one key went flying across the floor. She ran to it and stepped on it as if I had accidentally dropped it. She held her hand out for the other keys. Again, I held back tears. I wanted to ask questions but her face was not ammendable to that. I said, "can I atleast get my check?"
She reached in her pocket and pulled out five hundred dollars. She told me "This settles us up". The way she said it, I didn't argue, but it was already Thursday, that wouldn't even cover this week. She pulled the door back for me and I for the last time crossed the threshold. I set down a heavy box next to the steps. She slammed the door. Then she opened and said, "Move your stuff to the curb, I'm not comfortable with you waiting by the door".

Thank God my friend pulled up as I started to transfer my stuff from next to the front door to the curb. She couldn't fit all of the stuff in the car with me. So she took a load and left me with my possessions sitting next to the curb for her to come back. It was garbage day. It was the lowest point in my existence. I hadn't done a single thing. The worst thing I could thing of was I had the baby in his swing during nap time, but he wasn't going to sleep, so I didn't leave him upstairs crying, I brought him down and put him in the swing. And I was right there next to him!

I need to get another job but I am so shaken by this incident. I don't know what I did. I don't want to contact them. I just wanted to share this experience because it felt and feels so lonely and awful. I felt not even like a human being.

Rough Day? Share your story with isynblog@gmail.com.

Smokey Smokerson

I am a new nanny to a couple on the UWS of NYC. They live in a very nice apartment and have two children under 4. The apartment has no balcony. The mother is a smoker. I am not supposed to know this. She is a secret smoker. I am not sure if her husband even knows. The problem is, she smokes in her master bathroom, in the mornings and usually her almost 4 year old is in there with her. She puts the exhaust fan on in the bathroom. When she and her daughter come down, they smell like a medley of all kinds of (honestly, nice smelling) oils and perfumes. It is to cover up the smoking. The younger child is 1.5 and just walking. When she wants to be with her mom and her mom is doing something, the mom will  take her upstairs in her room and shut the door. I can smell the smoke at the threshold but I am overreacting? I really thought it was totally de rigor to smoke. After she has left the house, for the day, and she is a stay at home Mom, the housekeeper will go and clean her room and bathroom. I finally asked her, "did you know that she smokes in there?" The housekeeper looked disgusted and said, "let me show you something.". So we went in the bathroom, and there was a corner of the bathroom with a window seat cushion and three mugs there. Two had remnants of coffee and one was being used as an ashtray. There were butts in the toilet and ash in different places. She's not even neat about it. By the cushion were some magazines and things and the baby's stuffed animal she carries with her. I would say it isn't my business but sometimes, like once last week, I had taken the older child to school and came back and there was a note on the kitchen counter that said she had taken the 1 year old upstairs to take a nap with her. Should I be totally unconcerned that she will burn the child, especially now having seen how disorganized she is with her smoking?

Probably a Size 16

My nanny and I took the children to see a children's movie on Monday.

After about 1/2 hour, my daughter said she needed to use the bathroom. I sprang into action, since I usually am at work, I was ready to be hands on. The nanny said, "No, I got it" and took my daughter. They were gone almost a whole ten minutes, which seemed long.

When my daughter came back and climbed in her seat next to me, I said, "All good" and she smiled. I said, "I would have taken you." and she said, "Millie has to throw up anyway.".

We were during a movie, so I let it go, thinking I miss heard her. We were in the middle of a movie.

Last night, I made popcorn for the kids and put on a movie because I had to work and needed them to be occupied. I set them up in the family room which is off of my office. After a few minutes, my son interrupted me saying that my daughter was "hogging up the popcorn.".

I went in there to resolve the situation and noticed that most of the popcorn was gone. I was shocked, because, my daughter is 5. I said, "did you spill that?" She said "No, I ate it fast". I went to make another bag of popcorn when I heard my daughter add to my son, "Millie says throwing up popcorn feels the best and after that hot eggs.".

Long, long story short. I sat down and talked to my daughter and the nanny has not only been eating and throwing up, but sharing some of this information with my five year old. Like, "popcorn has nutrition anyway, your body doesn't need it" and "I didn't mean to throw up eggs, but they come up easy."

Please don't weep for this 26 year old, VERY healthy, BIG BONED (probably a size 16) nanny. I am outraged that my children were exposed to this. I texted her last night to let her know I was taking the day off. Is there any reason at all I should let her return to work? I have not said word one to the nanny yet, but really don't see where there would be any point!

Nanny problems? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Nanny GPS

Oh my God I can't stand it. Does anyone else have to deal with their employer providing them a cell phone (great) but then when she is paying you on Friday asking you a question like, "Friday after ballet, you went to the the area of 2200 Broadway?" and then I am forced to explain why. And usually it is to obtain food. Yes, Arties, best Jewish deli EVER! Anyway, when I tell my boss honestly where I stopped (never out of line) she looks at my hips or stomach. Almost like, "well that's not needed". But I am a live-in. Shouldn't she be grateful that I am not eating all of their food? I love food. I'm a big eater. I'm healthy. What matters here?

West Side Wombat
(Send your scenarios and situations to isynblog@gmail.com)

I Saw Your Nanny at the Central Park Playground

I Saw Your Nanny at the Central Park Playground off 5th at 76th street this afternoon. A maybe 5 year old boy, who had previously been bothering everyone with his water gun, grabbed my daughter's arm, called her a nasty name, and pushed her to the ground, so that she hit her head hard. She was hysterically crying, and when I approached the nanny, who was on the other side of the park, she started screaming at me, really, screaming, that I was lying and then we just got into a pointless argument with one another. Three strangers approached us to say they had witnessed the whole thing and the kid did push my daughter. The nanny still refused to back down or make the boy say he was sorry, (which was all I wanted), and continued screaming at me (and I back at her, to be fair). I never thought I would post about a nanny but this behavior was beyond anything I have ever witnessed. I would like to get in touch with this nanny's employers, the boy's parents, to explain what happened.

Please EMAIL isynblog@gmail.com to be put in contact with the person who witnessed this nanny.

The Sou Chef

I am a nanny for a family in CT. This fall, the oldest child started first grade. I am home the rest of the day with a very demanding two year old. Keeping the house organized and keeping the child occupied including lots of appointments and classes for the kid keeps me busy.

Here's the sitch, which has become a problem.

In late summer, I decided to start eating healthy. I went on Pinterest and got a bunch of meal ideas. I started bringing salad to work in a jar. After some time, my boss took note of this. She asked me to make her one. Fine. Then another. Fine. Now I make her one every day plus, two on Friday for the weekend.

Can I just say, my salad was simple-tomato, red pepper, ham slices and lettuce.

She wants all of these things, in a complicated arrangement. I have to go out and buy these things which adds time on to my shopping routine and then cut, clean and process these foods. An example:
strawberry, blueberry, spinach, iceberg lettuce, cherry tomatoes, red onion, cucumber and avocado. Now, if I was making that for myself, it would be different because I would make the same thing for a few days in a row. But she asked me for this tomorrow. chicken breast, ("can you grill it on the grill this afternoon?"), bean sprouts, iceberg lettuce, shredded cheese, hominy, red pepper, green pepper and yellow pepper. And always with different dressings,

She continuously compliments me on my creations and creativity. She messages me during the day when she thinks of a combination. Even though the house is well stocked, I find myself having to go out for certain things on a regular basis.

She tells all of her friends how wonderful I am and how I have saved her and how she has more energy and feels great, how I am her "right hand", the best nanny and helper a person could have.

So how do I say...I'm over making you freaking salads?

No, but for real.

Email your stories and situations to isynblog@gmail.com.

The Best Intentions

I have three daughters, 10, 12 & 15. We have had the same nanny for two years. In this time, she has gained, I would guess, at least 50lbs. I have noticed my 12 year old is also getting a very round belly and weight on her legs. I'd like to address the two things at once and do something positive for them both, perhaps ordering pre cooked nutritious meals for them both and getting them a tandem bicycle? I am fairly sure I could do this without offending either, but how would I present it in such a way that I don't pressure either of them? My husband says it's a bad idea because if one or both don't lose weight they will feel badly about themselves and guilty.
*side note- My 12 year old child is extremely close to her nanny.

Email isynblog@gmail.com with ANYTHING!

Peckers

I hired a nanny from Trinidad and she is actually quite wonderful. I just find it odd that she refers to my 3yo son's penis as his "pecker". It just doesn't sit right with me, sounds kind of harsh. Worth mentioning to her? And how? I prefer you to call a penis a penis?

Have a story? A short question? An involved situation? A sighting? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Magic Scrubs

Hi!

I took a job thinking it would be great. High salary. The mom said she wanted me to feel I could get dirty, so she bought me five pairs of comfortable scrubs. I wear scrubs and tennis shoes all day long.

I just have a small problem. The mom freaks out on me, anytime I don't call her right back. When I explain that I was driving or in a building with no reception, she seems to understand then, but the next time it happens, she demands always to know why I couldn't pick up. I have no reason not to talk to her. But, she really makes me feel like I should pick up if it's her, even to just text back "driving now". I know that sounds super stupid, but the way she looks at me is like I need to find a way to reassure her.

I told my new nanny friends about this and they think it's weird. They think that my boss is having my wear special clothing with tracking info and probably when the clothing doesn't calibrate to where I am or my ability to call or not call, she freaks on me.

Problem? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Neglectful Parent Update

I want to give an update on the neglectful parent. I gave in and called CPS. I couldn't take it anymore, and I had to do what was right for the children. I spoke with the social worker on call (I called after hours), gave them all the information we had from everything they have said to things that we have documented, and told them what I observed in terms of the child's development, as neglect has a profound impact on development. The social worker filed the report and the only thing I was missing was Mom's cell phone number. I explained this to the social worker, and she said I could call back in the number. I called a few days later, and spoke to another social worker who informed me that nothing I reported to them in regards to what we are observing could be investigated. So I guess her ignoring our calls regarding her childrens' well being, not sending her children to school in shoes, having them wear dirty clothes, dropping her kids off/picking them up high on whatever, not having her 2 year old in a car seat and all the other crap that she has said/pulled isn't enough for an investigation.

According to the social worker, they cannot by law intervene unless something serious happens. Whatever. Yesterday, her boyfriend dropped J and E off (T and T are in school full time) without shoes, and boyfriend brought shoes in later. Today, J and E were dropped off at 640a, no shoes for either and Miss D was told by Mom's boyfriend that someone would drop shoes off later if someone had time. My director walked in, found out about the situation, and called Mom at 715a this morning. She never called back, and when I left work at 500p, E, J, T and T were still there and we didn't have shoes all day for E or J. So how is this family not worth investigating?

 J has taken to spitting on the table and wiping the spit with his fingers. His development is so compromised I really saw how much he needs today. When he is not at school, our classroom flow and energy are different-his listening or lack thereof impacts the listening of the entire class. His last day is on Friday, 9/11. The reason? They are relocating out of state. The reason for that? According to Mom's boyfriend, his parents have money and they go where the money is.

I can't have kids, and I would love to file for custody of J. At least he would be in a better home with more.

Send your stories, sightings & ideas to isynblog@gmail.com.

Things I'd Advise Against #4

My boss had her last baby and tied her tubes. She has had 3 pregnancies and worked throughout them. She has a massive amount of killer pregnancy clothing, all high end. It's all in her closet or boxed up in the attic.  (Rose Pope, Paige, Chloe, A Pea in the Pod & all good brands).

For the first time ever, I will have two weeks off at Christmas time. I want to take my family away for the holidays but that is not in my budget. See where I am going with this?

I was going to propose to my boss that I sell her items online for her on EBAY and that she give me a commission or cut of the profit. I know she wouldn't do this herself, she would probably just end up donating them.

I'm hoping she won't want any part of it it and will just say, "yeah, take them, do what you want with them." She's pretty fair. But when I propose it to her, should I have a percentage in mind for what I would ask for? What would that percentage be? I would be doing all the work, photographing, listing, answering buyer questions and shipping and handling. I'm guess that I'm not the only nanny to ever undertake this kind of thing so I'm hoping you have some suggestions.

Things I'd Advise Against #3

I am the employer of a nanny who has worked for our family for ten months. The nanny's mother recently went through a colon cancer scare, chemotherapy and now has a clean bill of health. The mother was a housekeeper at a finer estate in the city, where she lived with her employers so I know she was first rate.

I know the family has had a lot of bills and things to deal with. I get the sense that the mother isn't up to returning to full time work. I wanted to offer the nanny's mother the chance to clean for us 1-3 times per week. I know she was paid different wages in the city. I live in White Plains and have a more modest home. In the past we have paid a service to come in once every two weeks for a heavy cleaning at $110. I was thinking of offering her $150 a week for three half days per week? I'm hoping this would help us with our house but could also help her get some of her bills in order and perhaps even through word of mouth, I would be able to refer her services out to other clients.

Should I be concerned about employing a mother and daughter? I don't want to feel like a stranger in my home or like they have more control.

Share your ideas with isynblog@gmail.com.

Things I'd Advise Against #2

For the past almost 4 years, we have had a wonderful nanny care for our 3 children. This fall, the youngest will start a half day preschool program from 12-2:55, M-F. This will give the nanny three free hours during the day and I need help finding a way to bridge her nanny role to more of a family assistant so that she can continue in our employ.
 I have thought about offering her a split shift, and have her work from 730-12 and then 3-7 and pay her per hour. Right now, she is paid a flat weekly rate, but it averages out to $13. an hour.
My other thought is that during that three hour period, she could do the family laundry, change all the bed sheets, run errands and set the table, prep dinner and on a daily basis have a target project for organization, like pantry, mud room, child A's closet. This would allow her to continue at her current pay rate without reduction. I have posted about this on urban baby and the moms agree that this is what is done and that I should propose it to the nanny in a way that, "the job is changing, this is what we now need" and let her be in charge. The negative of that is, that she could say she doesn't want to do that and then I would have to find a new nanny. The positive of that is that I would look for more of a nanny/housekeeper.
Thoughts?

Send your brilliant ideas to isynblog@gmail.com.

Things I'd Advise Against #1

Help!
I did something terrible.
I wanted to get my boyfriend a nice birthday gift and I used my boss's Nordstrom credit card and bought him $300 worth of stuff. He opened it, loved it. Then I had remorse. I told him. He told me I had to take the stuff back ASAP. This is 7 days later. I took the stuff back, tags still on and got the full refund back on the card. If I intercept the bill, will I be safe? Do I have to intercept the bill? Will a purchase and refund show up on the bill?

"I tell myself to relax and enjoy the good ride"

You would think I worked for the perfect family.

I am a nanny for two beautiful girls, under 8 years old. The parents are professional, successful and dynamic. I live in their Westchester home and have a great set up and drive a luxury SUV. For the most part, my job is great. I love the kids & the lifestyle.

Some odd things happen and then I feel like I am in the mafia and should shut up.

Case in point.

Two weeks ago, we had to have the septic people come out and flush the pipes because there was a back up. They literally showed my boss (male) what came out, hair, wads of paper and condoms.

That night, the two of them stood together in the hallway of my door and assured me that they understood I was an adult, but they weren't comfortable with me having relations in their home and were less comfortable with me flushing condoms causing a $400 bill. The way they stood there together was eerie. Why? It wasn't me. So which one of them was it? Do they know? I don't know. It was such a magnificent stare down that I came away feeling forgiven for my mistake. But I didn't do anything!

Three months ago, the wife came home with a gift bag from a jewelry store and a beautiful topaz bracelet in it. Topaz is not my birthstone or hers. As she walked in, the garage door sounded and her husband came in. I didn't notice anything. Until, she was standing next to me thanking me for being so good with the girls and saying that she picked this out for me and THEY hoped I would like it. The bracelet was beautiful. It's a female bracelet, delicate, blingy, not cheap. On the back of the clasp it says "Burn with it". What? Is that for me? Is it a piece she got a discount on because of a weird engravement? Or was it meant for someone else, like her lesbian lover? I never mentioned the thing because the way they talk to me sometimes is in such a way that you can tell you should agree, take it, thank it and move on.

But that is only with some things. Often, they are normal.

Am I overly sensitive to drama or should I be concerned? I tell myself to relax and enjoy the good ride.

Share your situations and experience with isynblog@gmail.com.

Get Out Fast

I just stumbled upon your blog tonight and am in dire need of some advice. I am a nanny to a family with a 2 year old boy and an 8 month old baby girl. I care about the children very much, but the older brother is very very aggressive. He is outright mean to his babysitter. Bites, hits, smacks, drags, whatever he can to hurt her whenever you turn away for a second. He also kicked me in the face Saturday night at bedtime while the power was out and I have a big black eye now. The parents are aware of his behavior but don't really care and don't think anything of it even though it is alarming to me. They also didn't care about my black eye. Today the mom sat me down and told me that night after they got home and I left, the power had come back on and they discovered he vomited in his bed and they accused me of knowing that this happened but I just cruelly left him in his vomit. I assured her that this was not the case, I put him to bed and was in bed with the baby for the rest of the night in the next room, but apparently her husband is very very angry with me and doesn't believe this. I am very uncomfortable and do not want to be there anymore. The fact that they think I am capable of that and that they do not care that their son likes to hurt their daughter is very worrisome. If she ever got seriously hurt, I would be the one to get the blame. So, my question is, how should I quit? I am very uncomfortable and really do not feel okay to be around her husband or in their house. What should I say to her? Thank you, so much in advance.

Share your stories with isynblog@gmail.com.