Mom Blaming Rant

Hi,
I am writing in response to the post last week about the part time nanny who said ugly things to the mom before she left. I did not appreciate the comments directed at the mom. You don't know her story. Maybe she was injured during childbirth? Maybe she has to work to keep a roof over their head. I don't like the notion that anytime some wild nanny goes off her rocker it must certainly be due to the employer. She is blamed because she wasn't a good mother, she wasn't present, she didn't keep halibut in the freezer. I mean STOP. Seriously. And all of you who complain that a mom isn't a good mother because she isn't with her child 24/7. Are you kidding? Isn't your whole employment based around the concept of mom's needing help with their children? Isn't that kind of like being a mad that you are a fry cook at the only taco bell in town and then burning it down?

I've had good nannies and I've had bad. The reason they were this way or that is connected to one thing only and that is the cloth they are cut from. I have had honest nannies and deceitful nannies. I've never had an underpaid nanny but I've had thieving nannies. I had a nanny who got her period while lounging on the chaise and tried to cover it up by smearing spaghettios into it, and blaming the 3 year old. The upholstery specialist was able to ascertain the origins of the stain and yes it was a period piece that was ruined beyond repair, but wouldn't have been if she had just been honest.

I've provided nanny vehicles for the nannies over the years. When we had live-in nannies, they used the vehicles 24/7. I've had vehicles towed, vehicles ticketed and never paid and when replacing the insurance cards in the glove compartment, I've found a baggie full of MOLLY. I had one nanny who seemed wonderful, she had energy and was creative. I thought she was health conscience. She asked for psyllium husks and snap peas and hummus and tofu. I assumed the drink she carried around was one of her shake cococtions. I'd been near her when my then five year old asked for a sip and she reminded him, "remember we made one for you in the blender yesterday, you didn't like it?". Maybe sometimes it was a health shake, but it was also WYLERS SUGAR FREE GRAPE DRINK AND VODKA a good percentage of the time. And I only know because the empty popov ( a very cheap vodka we don't drink) alerted me to a problem.

I've had a nanny cut my two year olds hair. (!!!), sign a child up for magic camp and borrow my clothing. I've had fat nannies, thin nannies, black nannies and white nannies. You don't know what you are getting. You are at the mercy of their references. We hope they are honest, but maybe they are just trying to unload a hostile? Because I've dealt with a hostile too. A hostile is a nanny who runs the show perfectly, but then starts running you. You have requests or complaints but are afraid to say anything. You feel as if you are living a Nazi Regime. She would say to me things like, "It's hard for me to enforce the children to take their shoes off at the door if you don't", and then look at me waiting for me to take off my shoes. She organized everything. Then she would ask me something like, "did you drop these overalls in the washer? I was processing whites only?" and she would look at me sternly, and I only responded, "sorry".  She made lists of toys that I needed to buy. She wouldn't let the kids watch nickelodeon on her clock.  It came time to fire her and I couldn't fire her. She treated the firing with a negotiation. She asked for more money and suggested that if she went down to four days a week, I could set the pace of the days better. I AGREED! Fortunately, my husband stepped in and terminated her.

SO please, stop mom hating and mom blaming. I've seen people complain that nannies are over running this site. I don't see that. I'm here. I don't write, it's not in my wheelhouse, but expect to hear my voice loudly from this day forward.

Sincerely,
Proud New York WAHM with nanny

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