Received Wednesday, October 22, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I have a question.
My employer is having a baby and inquired whether or not I would be able to stay overnight, how quickly I could get into work etc, if she were to go into labor and I wasn't there to stay with their two and a half year old whom I have been currently caring for since she was three months old.
The question is she asked (seeing that we didn't talk money) it as a favor.
Do other nannies do favors such as this?
Not to mention, I am truly happy and thankful to be employed by them. I love their baby with all my heart and am anxiously awaiting the little one coming.
They treat me really well. Plenty of extra paid time off and very very well in general.
But, at the end of the day, this is my job.
Should I or should I not approach them and if so, how?
Personally, I feel I shouldn't approach them because I wouldn't want to hamper the excellent relationship we have for the sake of a couple nights, money etc, and maybe I won't.
I just wanted to know how others felt about a situation like this.
i think your employer intends to pay you.
ReplyDeleteeven if she is not, I would do it just once.
I agree with macaroni. She more likely will pay you . She knows no one really works for free. And even though you guys have a great relationship you are still her employee.
ReplyDeleteTo be nice you can always offer a little extra help without pay. Even for a couple of hours so she can sleep, once the baby is born.
That's what I was going to say. I cannot imagine presuming your paid employee (no matter how much you may love one another) should ever work for free. I once had a miscarriage and our babysitter (who was like a family member because we all loved her so much) came over at the crack of dawn when my husband called her. We came home from the hospital prepared to pay her extra well, but she refused payment. We tried to pay anyway, but she flatly refused. That was so incredibly sweet of her and it still makes me feel good thinking about how she did such a nice thing for me all these years later.
ReplyDeleteSoooo, I agree with the others. She probably intends to pay you...but this once, if for some odd reason she doesn't, just let it go. Sometimes it feels good just to do something nice for somebody. (But I think you'll get paid.) Let us know what happened after tha baby comes, ok?
I asked the same of my nanny when i was preg with #2. I can't believe that you don't think she would pay you for your time should she need you. It's common when having a 2nd or subsequent child to line up who you will call to watch other dcs while you and your husband go to the hospital. And of course the ideal situation is to have that person be someone your dc already is comfortable with.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you misunderstood what she meant by 'favor'. It probably doesn't mean that she intends not paying you, but rather that you would be doing her a favor by being available at what could be an inconvenient time (i.e 2am???).
ReplyDeleteI'm a sucker. I would do it for free. As long as I have been babysitting, and now nannying, I have become friends with the majority of the parents I have worked for. In ONE case I even began to feel guilty about asking to be paid for watching their child...I think it's ok to do favors every once in awhile, assuming you're treated with respect and as a person, as opposed to the help.
ReplyDeleteBut I do agree with the rest, I'm sure she intends to pay you. Out of curiosity, what gave you the idea that she wouldn't? She probably didn't discuss pay because it was a GIVEN that you'd be compensated for your time.
I would approach them and then give them a big, wet, stinky fart in the face!!!
ReplyDeleteBoobsu
ReplyDeleteI can never tell if you're serious or not, but you are pretty funny!
And I would do the favor. You never know, it could come back 10-fold.
Thanks not a park slope nanny... just trying to kill time at work by goofing off!!
ReplyDeleteMy employer just gave birth.I have nannied for her for the last year and a half. When she went into labor her son asked to come to my home instead of going to his aunts. He was with me over night and we had a ball. I took him to meet his new sister the following morning.
ReplyDeleteHis parents reassurred me I would be compensated however,I declined. Just to be involved in such an intimate family moment was an honor as well as compensation enough.
Best of luck Op. I think you'll be glad you were involved either way,afterall you are being invited to share in one of the biggest days of this family's life. Enjoy!
I agree with all the posters. I cannot conceive of any parent in this situation who would ask you to do this without giving you compensation.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else. I think they are probably going to pay you and have no problem doing so. They probably just wanted to make sure that you would be available if they needed you. I am not a nanny but have been babysitting for the same children for 9 years, I have come over in the drop of a hat many times for family emergencies of people going to the hospital, births etc. and I wouldn't want it any other way. :)
ReplyDeleteI also always feel guilty that they pay me but I would have to have another job if they didn't and they know I would do it for free if I could. :)
My employer did the same thing, asking if I wouldn't mind being called at any time, and available to care for their son on short notice. We never discussed pay, but the family compensated me very nicely for being flexible and helping out with their older child (he has also had just one caregiver, me).
ReplyDeleteI agree with others that you may have misinterpreted what she meant by favor....in my case, the favor was coming in on a holiday and staying with their son so that Dad could stay at the hospital with mom. The favor she is asking of you is to be available to work outside your normal schedule, if necessary.
Honestly, I think you will be compensated and I would not broach the subject. If you aren't than you can use it at a later day as leverage for a pay raise because it showed your dedication. Don't be crass and bring it up. If they have treated you well to this point they are not going to shaft you while you are with them.
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ReplyDeleteEvery move is not done for money. I have done babysitting, "parents tried to pay me" but I refuse. I love catching up with little ones that have grown bigger, in fact I hate to put them to sleep because I am so bored when the house is so quiet.lol lol Nothing wrong with giving from your heart.
ReplyDeleteI didn't get a dime extra when the second baby came (for the extra time I was there with the first) but, truthfully knowing *I* got to be the one there with the BIG sister at that time was priceless!!!! And then getting to go to the hospital to pick up mom and the new baby was even more so!!!
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ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteI am a nanny...a woman I babysit for (only occasionally) called me to babysit her oldest child since she had to go to the hospital for an emergency regarding her twins while she was pregnant...I watched her child all day....they tried to pay me...but I refused... some things you do in life to help others (whether or not it is your job as well)...it's the reason a lawyer takes a pro bono case or a doctor fixes your arm for free because they are a family friend...you do it because you are a good person...the woman is giving birth for crying out loud... i don't mean to sound insensitive, but it is the least you could do and even if they DO pay you, I would still NOT take the pay, and instead offer it as your baby present..
this is what sets some nannies apart from others...and why some nannies have decades of lasting relationships with families...just my opinion
1:51 AM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS
(I am re-posting for you because I think you made a great comment!)
Hi there,, I really love your love and this post as well..When I was in college I need to work,to pay my tuition fee and no one hired me by that time so I applied as "nanny" with 2 children ages 4 & 6.. I was lucky and very much happy because they pay my tuition fee and they gve me an extra allowance. I'd love thier kids as I love my siblings too that's why until now, I have my own work outside, they asked a favor that I will stay in their house just for free..whoa! It's a big favor for me because I don't have my own house yet..
ReplyDeleteMaybe in your situation, they would able to pay you..**
I bet they would pay you, she' probably meant the word 'favor' in that you would be 'on call' for them, which is a HUGE favor, even if getting paid. I am willing to bet you would be compensated for your time.
ReplyDeleteIf it were me (personally) I would do it regardless. It would be annoying for me to have some family member come stay there and then I'd just have to clean up after them once they left. I would also want to be there for the 2-yr-old while mommy and daddy are gone so she is not scared. But...I'm a sucker!
I am a nanny. The parents asked me to stay overnight with their child when the mom went into labor. I said of course!
ReplyDeleteSo I stayed and couldn't sleep all night because I wanted to know what was going on.
I was there bright and early (6 am, as big sis couldn't sleep either!) and got to meet the baby 1st.
A few months later, we are looking at the baby book. Mom had written that big sis stayed with Grandma and Grandpa and they were the first ones to meet baby.
I was crushed, I have been with them since the older one was 2 months. I didn't say anything but it still hurts. : (
everyone is right, it's probably a favor flexibility wise. if you know for sure they don't intend to pay you, i'd only hesitate if you felt this could become a regular thing. it's a slippery slope and being taken advantage of sucks.
ReplyDeleteHowever if you don't think they'd ever start taking advantage of you, I'd do it regardless of pay.
I have also refused payment a few times, but if you really need the money don't feel guilty about taking it. It is your job after all.
shynanny, I wonder if that is just an oversight on the moms part. I can't figure out why someone would write that, especially since you had been with the baby for so long. She may have written it very tired with two young children, haha. I'd probably say something, I'd be reading it in front of the mom and be like, wait she was with me or something like that :)
ReplyDeleteshynanny,
ReplyDeleteMaybe she wants the baby to think Grandma and Grandpa came to see her at her birth. maybe they did that for child #1 and mom is afraid that baby #2 will feel slighted. My in laws got progressiveley less interested as more and more children were born to my hubsand and his siblings. For my first, who was one of their very first grandchildren, they waited at the hospital while I was in labor to get a look at him as soon as he popped out. For my nephew, the 7th grandchild, they out-of-the-blue chose to go to their weekend house, knowing that his mommy was in labor and they would miss his birth by only hours if they left. They saw him for the first time when it fit conveniently into their social schedule. Obviously baby's parents were quite hurt. Maybe its something like that with these people and they are afraid that the hurt they feel (since granny and gramps obviously were NOT there) will be felt by the baby someday.
i think if you feel that they are generous and good to you, you should follow your instincts and your heart. if you want to be generous back to them, good for you! i don't think you will be taken advantage of.
ReplyDeleteHey shynanny---
ReplyDeleteYeah, while *I* know that I was was with the eldest one-- I still got pooed on in the baby book. It is hurtful... but take pleaure in knowing THE TRUTH! Not being in the baby book does not take away from the feelings you have for the day....
shynanny,
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone. some people are so insensitive it's like they have blinders on. it's very hard to realize this about people you have been with so long. i am realizing it myself. it's sad to think that the family i have worked for and cared for during the last year and a half don't really care all that much about me as a friend. it's actually pretty amazing. it does affect the quality of work i give day to day.
Pink nanny-
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that about your family.
It does affect me too. I am so hurt. They always tell me I am one of the family and how much a mean to them and she does that?
What is so wrong with the truth?
It would be a one time thing since she is only have the baby once! I have done this and it is no big deal. Do her a favor, having a baby is a big deal and at least she trusts you to stay the nigh and you know the other child best so you are the best candidate.
ReplyDeleteShy Nanny sorry that happened to you. It happened to me too. They "acted" like I was such a valued person in their life. I loved working for them. I knew them for three years. I even flew out to California to help them for six months. The day I left, I thought they were going to drive me to the airport. No, instead a taxi picked me up. And that was the last I heard from them. About 6 years back I found their new number. And gave them a call to see how everyone was. They seemed happy to hear from me. Promised to keep in touch send pictures, but none of that happened.
ReplyDeleteIts okay. You will get over it too. Once, you move on get married and have kids. Trust me.