Tuesday, August 7, 2007 - Perspective & Opinion
Employers, have you had to fire a nanny? For what reason? If you would be so kind to share you story, other parents have expressed an interest in hearing your experiences.
Nannies, have you been fired from a nanny position? What was the reason you were provided? If you would care to share your story, please do.
I fired my first nanny after trying to make it work for way too long (2 months). In retrospect, I should have screened better, but I went into my first nanny experience with rose colored glasses on. (My wonderful Irish grandmother worked as a nanny for a family for years after raising her own kids and her charges and employers were like an extended family to us growing up so this was the dealized vision of a nanny/employer relationship--this woman showed me times have definitely changed). We specifically were looking for someone who had experience and wanted a long term position. The person we selected was leaving her employer after 15 years and had a glowing reference from them so we thought she would be a great match. We are precise but sometimes forgetful people so my husband and I wrote down all the tasks the job would include in a notebook we went through with her during the interview and left in the kitchen next to the weekly calendar. It includes anything from daily tasks like transporting the kids to school, packing the oldest's lunch, cleaning up after meals and cooking a healthy dinner, baths, to occasional tasks like emptying the kitchen or children's trash can if they are filled to the top during the day, cleaning up spills, returning any material they take out during trips to the library. There was no question that the job was described in excruciating detail and I spent the first two days home from work walking her through the day, the routine, and familiarizing her with our home and neighborhood. I took out and referred her to the book several times. The first few weeks my 2 kids (ages 3 and 4) did not take to her and were pitching fits and giving her a hard time, so I let it slide if there were messes left from the kids I needed to clean up or things she didn't get to (like baths or dinner). The nanny said it's normal transition and it will work out on its own. I spent alot of time talking to her about what WE (the nanny and the parents) should and should not do to address their behavior over the first month. She never had any suggestions other than "it will work itself out" even though I asked her for her opinion. After trying the reward sticker chart approach, the kids' behavior seemed to start to even out. About 6 weeks into the job, the house was still in disarray at the end of the day and there were always things she didn't get to so I asked her if something was going on that was preventing her from getting everything done. She said everything was going as it should. A week later I began asking about specific things she wasn't getting done and her reaction was always sullen and she said she would try and get to them. After a few days she said she didn't like my complaints and she was only there to watch the kids, cleaning up after them and bathing them should be a parents' job and I was changing the job on her. I told her, no the job includes those things, and just because I took on doing those things as she was getting accustomed to the kids and the job, does not mean they are no longer part of the job. My housekeeper of 5 years overheard some of this conversation and called me the next day to tell me she wasn't sure she should get involved, but had some concerns for the children and overhearing our conversation was the last straw. Apparently, several times when she came in to clean (she comes twice a week) she found the nanny sleeping on the couch while my 3 year old was sitting alone in the kitchen with coloring book or paints the nanny had obviously set her up with. My daughter confirmed that the nanny would leave her in the kitchen while she napped and told her to stay there until she came to get her. We fired the nanny but the experience taught me to never write unusual behavior from my kids off to "transition" issues. I thought they were old enough to tell me if something was going on with the nanny, but my oldest said she didn't want to tell me the nanny wasn't nice to them because she knew I wanted them to like her.
ReplyDeleteI have fired 3 nannies in 7 years. The first was fired for being late, calling in and generally being unreliable. So we hired a live-in. She seemed great but had a very busy nightlife which involved sneaking men known to her but not to us (strange) through her bedroom window. She did not underdstand our point of view and told us we were trying to treat her like a child but relied on her to be a responsible adult with our children. I half understood what she was trying to say, but we parted ways soon after. Semi-amicably. The last nanny we fired was fired because neighbors reported that she was an unsafe driver and poorly supervised our youngest child. The only child who really needed supervision. It was never easy to fire these people. They all had good points and in my experience, they were all basically good people, just not the best choice for nanny.
ReplyDeleteMy boss left out a work email that showed a correspondence between her and some tart with a screen name that was similiar to, but not "cool nanny for you". I knew by the correspondence she had yet to interview her and was in fact waiting for after she got back from a week in CA with her husband to go further. She trusted me with her children. I had been with her a year and 7 months at that time. She was leaving on Sunday and I was to come Saturday night and stay over, since their flight left at 6 in the morning. I took my Friday paycheck and that was it. I never looked back. I never got severence but I sure as hell wasn't sticking around for some hapless dud to get the better of me. The messages she left for me starting Saturday night were very amusing. Employers, treat your nannies well. The nanny she eventually replaced me with- wasn't the sort I would trust with my children. And she found out the hard way just how good she had it.
ReplyDeleteI worked for a family for almost
ReplyDelete4 years. I had a lot of ups and downs with the job since it was a single parent and the mom begged me
over and over to stay with him....
the kids need you and i knew they
did. I overlooked many many things
from lots of women staying over
and i was live in and tried to
stay in my room when this was happening...lots of drinking by
him and driving,cps being involved
once...he got a live in girlfriend
who just kinded moved in she started out by being nice to me
and after 6 months of knowing her
and a month after she moved in
she started to undermine my job.
end of the summer i was fired
by them both for Im still not sure
why..When I got unemployment involved
which later turned into also getting irs,
state, and his accountant. I
was awarded unemployment and
the reasons stated to me on
the ruling were that he had reasons
but they didnt match anything
umployment investigated. I ended
up going to work for his ex and
moving in( he gave me 72 hours to
get out of his home) and finding
a much better job....It was very
unsettling to me and Im sure this
is not the norm...I still keep in touch with the kids and the mom
but have given it a lot of space
for my own well being. I know he
hired another nanny and then fired
her too...
6:03's story is not uncommon. I really hope that more people realize that transition issues in children when a new nanny is hired are very often due to a lack of appropriate care! Parents, please stop assuming that everything is okay. Your children are acting differently or inappropriately because things are not going well for them! Pay attention to your children! Don't hesitate to get rid of the new nanny if you have even the slightest hesitation that it is not going well for your children. There is always a reason why it is not going well. It is your job as parents to pay attention to your children's behavior and take action.
ReplyDeleteI would have to disagree with the above comment. I believe it is very important to watch carefully and make sure there isn't a bigger problem. But, sometimes the first couple times I go to work with new children they get upset when their parents leave, and cry, but it is always very temporary. After a couple of visits the children get upset when I leave! So, if your children are acting upset or apprehensive about the new sitter, give it a day or two. If after a couple visits things are still wrong, go with your instinct and get a new nanny or sitter!
ReplyDeleteI fired my nanny for stealing my sons prescription medication for Attention Defecit Disorder. She was happy to leave peacefully when she was caught. She was pretty embarassed.
ReplyDeleteI was fired because my employer accused me of smoking pot in her house while her kids were sleeping, which I was not and she had no proof of. I took a drug test (which came back negative) to show her she was mistaken, but I got no apology or offer to have my job back.
ReplyDeleteIt's 11:16 here. Nanny Lexy, I'm with you about a couple of days of separation & crying when mom leaves. I'm talking about problems that go well beyond that.
ReplyDeleteI've never been "fired" but I was let go from a fabulous job where I was a live out, full time, nanny and house manager. I loved the parents, the kids, and felt comfortable in their home. They were paying me very very well, but then after the father had to take a job (and pay) demotion, they asked if they could add on 10 hours a week, but pay me almost half of my salary!! I thought about it for 2 hours and declined. Shortly after, they found a few new nannies, and they were horrified with all of them! They continuously begged me back, saying they'd pay me my original salary, and do anything I wanted! Unfortunately I had already found a new position (it had been 3 weeks) and they ended up putting their children in a daycare for stability. I still sit for them on the weekends, and love them, but I'm glad they learned a little about appreciation, and getting what you pay for!
ReplyDeleteI have fired a few employees over the year. Only one hurt.
ReplyDeleteI fired my nanny when I found out that she was taking my children's clothes and giving them to her own children. I paid her very well and never had a problem with her but this breach of trust really bothered me. It made me wonder if all those times I was missing a booklet of stamps or some quarters for parking meters that she might have taken them. My children and I were sad to see her go but we have a wonderful new nanny (with no children of her own) who is fun and hardworking and above all, honest.
ReplyDeleteI was fired. And then falsely accused of stealing the woman's plates and some glassware. And the worst part is she didn't fire me because I stole from her. We had an argument and would have just parted ways. But to retaliate, she told people I stole from her. Because who would ever trust a thief. I feel bad for anyone who has ever had their trust compromised or had someone steal from them, but I have new sympathy for good people who are labeled thiefs just because someone was pissed off.
ReplyDeleteI fired a nanny for finding mysterious unexplained marks on my 2 yr old. It was easy as hell.
ReplyDeleteI fired my nanny for giving my DH a knowing glance when he made a joke about me. His joke was fine. Her look at him, as if they shared something- was so not okay. I left her a message on her home phone as soon as she left on Friday. I told her her services were no longer required. She called and asked why. I never responded.
ReplyDelete6:24PM, I think you have biger problems w/your DH
ReplyDeleteanon 6:24
ReplyDeleteHello. If there are knowing glances, perhaps a look in the mirror at yourself might be a better solution. You left her a message on the phone? Mighty brave of you.
You need help obviously. Lucky nanny that you let her go when you did.
I've mutually agreed to leave when jobs weren't working out, but always on my own accord.
6:24PM, I think you should investigate if your nanny is having an affair with your DH, why is it ok to joke about you at your expense in front of the nanny?
ReplyDeletegigi; why should she look in the mirror, what is that supposed to mean?
ReplyDeleteThe joke was harmless. We have a very relaxed and causal home. What I was not expecting was the "knowing look" she gave him. And the way she laughed. It was a bit too familiar, almost like it was he & she against I. He wasn't having an affair with her but he did work from home one day per week. I don't have to apologize, I don't need to be uncomfortable in my house.
ReplyDelete6:24, you sound like you're in denial but hey it's your life.
ReplyDeletePS The joke may have been harmless but if the look made you so uncomfortable for you to fire her then you obviously feel that something is amiss.
I got fired from a Grant's dimestore or whatever they called it when the boss spotted some paper on the floor and pointed it out to me... to pick up. I said why don't you pick it up yourself? You're the one who saw it. And the fat slob said, "You're not going to pick it up?" to which I said "NO". Then he said, "I'm going to have to let you go, Tammy". Yep, just like that.
ReplyDeleteI was fired after 2 weeks with no explanation, nor any in-lieu-of-notice pay (we had 6 weeks with our contract). This devastated me because I am a good nanny and could not understand what I did wrong....
ReplyDeleteWell, 2 weeks later I had a temp. nanny job that coincidentally was 3 houses down from these past employers. While walking past the past employers house, to get to the park, I saw a small beat-up, dented, car parked outside of their house with the car-seat that I chose--i laughed to myself "is THAT the new nanny's car?!"
Turns out, it was AND I ran into this nanny. Her previous employers had just let her go after many years since her charges were starting school and these employers were friends of my former employers.... In other words, I was replaced by a cheaper, nanny, with poor English skills...the worst part about all of this is how much the experience had me doubting myself as a good nanny, until I realized that firing me had nothing to do with my nannying capabilities.
I was fired after 2 weeks with no explanation, nor any in-lieu-of-notice pay (we had 6 weeks with our contract). This devastated me because I am a good nanny and could not understand what I did wrong....
ReplyDeleteWell, 2 weeks later I had a temp. nanny job that coincidentally was 3 houses down from these past employers. While walking past the past employers house, to get to the park, I saw a small beat-up, dented, car parked outside of their house with the car-seat that I chose--i laughed to myself "is THAT the new nanny's car?!"
Turns out, it was AND I ran into this nanny. Her previous employers had just let her go after many years since her charges were starting school and these employers were friends of my former employers.... In other words, I was replaced by a cheaper, nanny, with poor English skills...the worst part about all of this is how much the experience had me doubting myself as a good nanny, until I realized that firing me had nothing to do with my nannying capabilities.
It really upsets me when I see parents allowing their children to be transported around in the "nanny" vehicle. The parent has no idea what goes on in the car when the nanny is not working, the sort of service the car has had, if the car has been in any accident, if the car is even properly maintained. And statistically when one person is driving another person's car they use more caution when driving their own.
ReplyDeleteI was sick to my stomache to see a family of unlimited means have their eastern european, very cross nanny pick up their children at school in a car we all called a "beater". It was littered with paper, debris, apple cores. It was a tiny, hatchback. What are people thinking?
8:22; they AREN'T thinking, they'll selfish & don't care as long as the nanny gets the job done until something bad happens to the kids then they'll blame it on the nanny.
ReplyDeleteI was...kind of fired, kind of quit, after 11 months.
ReplyDeleteI was looking on a website for nighttime and weekend babysitting jobs due to a pay cut. I just happened upon an add that had my exact hours, pay, and age and gender of the child I was nannying for.
I responded to it with "I guess I should consider this my notice, and find a new job?"
After I got many voicemails from the mother, yelling at me, calling me names, calling my mother names, and telling me how terrible and irresponsible I was, and never welcome back in the home. I called the father and he was completely shocked. She tried to delete the emails and hide the evidence of what she did, but he found it all on the computer. I still feel terrible about how angry he was, as I never meant to start a fight, I just called him to ask about the pay I was owed and explain why I wouldn't return. He was furious at her, and I am heartbroken as I truly loved the little boy I cared for for so long.
Oddly enough, she has called me and woken me up a few times now to ask me to watch the boy for the day as the new nanny was in a car accident, was going to be late, and once couldn't make it.
Then I was asked for two more days so the new nanny could get her car fixed.
And then, I was asked to watch him overnight because "We need someone who really cares about him to watch him over night."
Which I took to mean, you need me because you feel safe leaving him with me, but you will let the unsafe woman and unsafe driver have him during the day?
It was a huge mess. I had many other job offers and just decided to do an in-home child care until I move. (Which she also called me to yell about the "icky" kids I babysit.) I feel bad for that little boy. >_> He has to live with it.
Also- (im 10:01) the calls started RIGHT after I sent the email. She read it and it made her furious, though I made sure to be polite in every email and phone call (which she said were being recorded...) but she is just slightly crazy I guess. I am only 17- and I've never had an adult scream at me in that way before. The reason she started calling my mom names is because she called my moms cell phone and my mom said "My daughter is a minor and you are an adult, stop calling her and talking to her like she's dirt."
ReplyDeleteI've never stuck around long enough to be fired. I am a great nanny. I made a wrong move and took a position with a psychotic mother. She didn't know how to take care of her kids and I wasn't going to pretend I didn't know right from wrong. I thank God I escaped from there. The agency got me a great job after I left but also told me just how psychotic the mother was. So nannies, beware-the agency isn't going to say no to the psychotic family. They pay the money. Screen your employer carefully.
ReplyDelete9:06 you're only 17! You shouldn't be treated like this, please don't let this crazy person yell at you. I'm so glad your mother stuck up for you, if you were my daughter I would never let you talk to her again never mind be in her company!
ReplyDeleteI had to let our nanny go because her and I became too close, nothing romatic or anything but we where more like friends that shared all our secrets than employer/employee and it began to cause problems in my marriage, because I used her as an example of things he wasn't doing right. Such as being home for dinner or spending Saturday afternoons with me and my child (even though she was a live in she had her own space kitchen and all and was off weekends and nights) We then hired a new nanny whom I was unable to talk to outside of work and she was a nightmare to deal with...we had to beg for our former nannies forgiveness and to take us back. If we lose her again I will work part time and stay home with the children
ReplyDelete1131, I understand you.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had a wonderful nanny I was close to, I had close friends who would make comments. After the fact I realize that they were just jealous. No one went out of her way for me like the nanny/friend/confidante. And when we parted ways- amicably, she resurfaced working for one of the very same people who used to say things like ,"she cant be your nanny, she is your employee."
So beware of the jealousy thing. The last two nannies I have are okay. I would probably think they were terrific if I didn't luck out the first time around.
:(
8:22- I just thought that I'd say that on the outside, my car looks like a piece of crap (several dings, dents, peeling paint), but my father is a mechanic and my car runs like new. It is serviced regularly, reliable and I have 2 professionally installed car seats. I'm pretty sure my car is safer than a lot of the cars of the parents that I've nannied for.
ReplyDeleteI hate the notion of the stereotypically "nanny car" being a total piece of crap. Looks can be deceiving.
Also, I am a hypervigalent driver to begin with (22 years old, no speeding tickets, accidents or violations of any kind) and to imply that I would be anything but hypervigalent when I am driving OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN around is insane.
Sorry for the rant; I'm done now.
What is your point?
ReplyDeletePeople who let their nannies use their cars have NO SENSE.
And I have never met a nanny who was busting at the seams to use hers. Until now!
6:24---WTF?? You fired the nanny because of a "look"?? Excuse me?
ReplyDeleteYou didn't even bother to discuss the "look" with her privately before you fired her? This seems normal to you? This sits well with your conscience?
Well, nannies are HUMAN BEINGS, not farm animals. It is NOT okay to dismiss them randomly like so much cattle.
You're heartless and I hope your bad karma follows you forever.
oh pipe down.
ReplyDeleteI understand 624. I once turned quickly to realize to subordinate employees in my office were sharing a look. That spelled the beginning of the end. I will not be undermined at work, so I understand why 624 would feel so offput by such a look.
I understand too. The mom (and boss) should not be made to feel insecure in her own home (or office). I'd say the "look" just shows blatent disrespect, which spell trouble, whether it's big trouble YET ot not.
ReplyDelete6:24, you neurotic freak!
ReplyDeleteHow do you KNOW what the nanny's look really meant? It could have meant she was keeping secrets with your DH and boffing him on the side...OR it could have meant she was:
1.tired
2.overworked
3.irritated
4.amused
5.not amused
6.politely acknowledging DH's humor
7.totally uninterested in DH's humor
8.wondering what it would be like to work for a NORMAL employer...
I vote for #8.
12:52AM I have a vocab word for you:
ReplyDeleteI-N-S-E-C-U-R-E.
(LMAO at you)
I agree with you, cali mom but what bothers me about 6:24 is the fact that she didn't even ask the nanny about the incident. She never gave the nanny a chance to explain or apologize. She just fired her without an explanation, and that's just bad form.
ReplyDeleteSingle Daddy, I see your point. As disturbing as that would have been, I suppose it would be much more fair to discuss it and set a deadline with yourself, at least, to make a decision on whether or not to continue the arrangement. One more reason I don't want to ever have to hire a nanny!
ReplyDeleteAnd in case you're wondering, I'm not some single father who hires nannies so I can lust after them while they watch the kids.
ReplyDeleteThe only household help I have is a housekeeper (she's a sweet older woman who has worked for me for years and I would never think of her in an unprofessional way).
I care for my kids at home full-time and comp-commute from home office while they're asleep.
But if I ever hired a nanny, I'd treat her with respect. I'd surely give her the benefit of the doubt if she ever displayed inappropriate behavior. It's the decent thing to do.
Daddy, that's great that you're able to make that work out so well. Sounds like you're doing a good daddy-job!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the vote of confidence, cali mom. I'm a widower, and single fatherhood isn't always easy. But even the toughest days are worth it. My kids are always worth it.
ReplyDeleteI quit working for a family who among other issues they had personally, were just downright crazy. The grandma, who stayed at home all day, would tell me about when she and a girlfriend would disguise themselves and go hide in a dumpster, only to spy on her cheating husband. She would tell me all kinds of stories, as I was passing through the kitchen to wash bottles, or caravaning the baby twin girls downstairs to go outside. She even made a friend of mine who was dropping off lunch for me, set up her Easter table!! It was crazy... but that's not why I left.
ReplyDeleteThe mom was just plain wierd. She didn't wear her wedding rings, and always left them in a dish on the table, in plain reach of any curious infant. I moved them once to her nightstand, and told her right away. That was the last I saw of them. One day she told me "You took my wedding rings!", and I absolutely did not. The next morning, after being screamed at and berated, I showed up completely unsure if I even had a job, and she was like "Oh, I found them last night, my mom took them to be cleaned." No apology, nothing. Eventually I started looking for another nanny job via craigslist, and put up a posting saying I was looking.
Well I got a response from someone saying "I don't have kids but have always wanted to know why people leave these situations"... I left a polite email back saying "Well, it happens for lots of reaons, but I am looking because I disagree with the style of parenting my employers use, they have paid me late and their checks have bounced, communication is seriously lacking despite my best efforts, and I want to be with a family that can have a co-parenting relationship." Well it turns out it was her all along (shoulda seen that coming).
That was on a Sunday night. I worked the whole week, and then Friday came and she was about two hours late, and then "accidentally" left her checkbook at the office. On Monday when I showed up, she said "Oh actually we don't need you today." I asked for my pay from the prior week and she said not to worry she would get it to me. Finally, Friday rolled around and still there was nothing, and she kept "not needing" me because she was sick. When I drove with three friends for support to her house Friday evening to demand my pay, she answered the door and started screaming at me for telling her she was a bad parent, and that she is hurting her children, and what do I know, I am just a stupid nanny who doesn't have kids of her own...
Yeah... she had all kinds of issues. I took my paycheck, paid my rent, and never thought of her again.
Although the hardest goodbyes are the nice ones. I had to move out of state to get married, and saying goodbye to the kiddo that I had been watching since he was a tiny infant was heartbreaking. He was a ringbearer in my wedding though, and I am still great friends with his family.
Cali Mom & Single Daddy. Have you guys ever tried using the Isawyournanny Chatroom? It's so much easier to communicate without the delay :)
ReplyDelete6:24....must be some reason you are so insecure. How many former nannies has your husband slept with? Maybe you shold hire uglier ones! What a joke.
ReplyDelete4:45 what will hiring "ugly ones" do, if your husbands going to cheat he's going to cheat, instead of worrying about getting a nanny get yourselves a therapist
ReplyDeleteI have had to fire several nannies. Our first one treated our 3 month old infant cruely. I still can't forgive myself for leaving our baby in her care. She didn't abuse her. She just neglected her and didn't respond to her cries. I only discovered this by recording her. She was only here about three or four weeks. Our replacement lasted about four months and we parted ways amicably as this was an understood transition job for her. Our next nanny was fired for being lazy and neglectful. I followed her to the park and watched as she kept our 12 month old in a stroller at the park for two hours while she sat and relaxed on park bench and didn't even look at the baby. She then came home and told me about the wonderful time they had 'playing' at the park. As I was looking for her replacement, I discovered that she was also stealing money from me. Since then, I have decided to hire part timers. They don't burn out, get stuck in a routine rut, and if I need to let one go then I have someone that can fill in. I don't even interview anymore. If my two year old doesn't hit it off with them the first day then they don't come back. I have found that she is a much better judge of a good nanny than I am. If they keep her happy and engaged then they are good. I work from home so I never leave anyone alone with her until they have been here for weeks or even months. I have three nannies now that are awesome with her. She really has fun with them and they seem to really have fun with her.
ReplyDeleteI was kind of fired last month from my job of over a year. The mom had just had a baby, and I'm sure hormones played a MAJOR role in how she acted!
ReplyDeleteI showed up for work on Saturday, a day I normally don't work, and my then employer informs me she can't afford to pay me my normal rate of $12 an hour, and she will only pay me $10 an hour. After I agreed, she left and told em she would be back in 4-5 hours. 5 1/2 hours go by and she still hadn't returned or called. So, I called her. She said she was about 15-20 minutes away, no explination or appology. She finally showed up after 6 1/2 hours, and fained a "I'm sorry."
During those 6 1/2 hours her son proceed to yell at me, and bite me, which were his new ways of acting out. I put him in time out and told him he could come out when he was ready to appologize. He was in there about 10 minutes when his mother came home and let him out of time out to play with him. When I told her and showed her the bite marks she told him to say sorry, and he wouldn't, so she told me, "sorry" for him! I couldn't believe it!
I took her aside and told her that I couldn't work for someone who refused to parent her child, and didn't respect me or my time. Her responce? "Well if that's how you feel I don't want you back here!"
I was even more shocked. I took my money, and left and haven't looked back! I can't believe what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!
2:23AM I feel for you and I'm glad you got away from that awful situation.
ReplyDeleteSuggestion: read "SONG OF A NIGHTMARE EMPLOYER" in the "Skinflint" thread. I promise it will make your day (and make you feel better about what you went through with your "nightmare employer"!).
Correction: it's called "PRAYER OF THE NIGHTMARE EMPLOYER".
ReplyDeleteEnjoy.
A gentle suggestion to nanny lexy:
ReplyDeleteI say this with kindness since you obviously had a terrible experience and it sounds like you had good intentions. But a 10 minute time-out? Unless the child was 10 years-old (and I can't imagine a 10 year-old acting out in such an infantile manner) the time-out was too long. Time-outs should be a minute per year of child's age.
Children can't tolerate much more than that and an overly lengthy time-out defeats the purpose.
It should be short and sweet, kind of like removing a bandaid. Misbehavior/Consequence/Conclusion.
But your employer clearly didn't care how long the time-out was. She didn't care about boundaries with her son or with her responsibilities as your boss.
So good for you: you're free now and I hope your next job is a more pleasant one!
Thank's for your suggestion rachel, and
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in long time-outs either. I told the 4 year old, all he needed to do was appologize to me. His time-out could have lasted 5 seconds, it wouldn't matter to me! But, his parents had trained him to know that if he didn't want to do something, he didn't have to, and that included saying, "I'm sorry."
To me when a child intentionally hurts someone, I mean he broke the skin, they need to appologize. And, I don't think it is at all unreasonable to let him sit in his room in time-out until he is ready to appologize. He was in his room the entire time-out and was free to play or read books, or do whatever. He just wasn't allowed to come out until he appologized. It wasn't as if I made him sit in a corner or on his bed. I just feel a child should be removed from a situation in which they are not acting properly.
12:29: I was 4:45. I was being sarcastic.
ReplyDeleteI was working from home with three children, ages 6, 3 and 1. After years of being overwhelmed I broke down and hired a part-time nanny. She was a 19-year-old student, also a part-time fire department volunteer, and she did a good job with the kids in my home throughout the summer and fall. When I found I had nothing to wear to hubby's office Christmas party, I asked her to sit for a couple hours in the early evening. I got home a little sooner than expected and walked in on her removing the two scratched-up babies from the Christmas tree! She claimed she had gone upstairs for a moment to use the bathroom and left them. I pointed out, as she well knew, there is a bathroom downstairs. She left in a hurry. Upstairs I saw the phone lying on the floor along with her shoes, which she had forgotten, and there was a VCR movie playing. Thank God the kids didn't pull the tree over on themselves. I've never used a sitter since who was not a family member or a close mom friend.
ReplyDeleteNanny Janet:
ReplyDelete11:36, 3:09 and Nanny lexi, sometimes Children can show those types of behavior even after those days, it can depend on the day they are having, or the such. I know so much of a time when my previous family i worked for(who moved away unfortunatly :( wasn't fired but still did get paid the time i was supposed to be there for ) The boy would go and cry to mommy or daddy a lot more so whenever i came because the parents are so busy a lot of the times, due to their jobs(long hours, and so the days that they were together the entire day were mostly the weekends,) and sometimes with my current family when mom or dad are about to leave my charge would cry to them, but after she likes being with me, no crying after that, unless shes really tired or had a bad day.
so it all depends on the situation.
Had to fire our nanny this week. She neglected our 3 month old in favor of our 2-1/2 year old, who she preferred. She stated that a 3 month old was only capable of sleeping, pooping, and eating (not true).
ReplyDeleteShe left our baby in the swing so many times, she finally asked why it kept turning off (I told her it was on a 30 minute timer). The last straw was when she left our baby on the floor to sleep while she did crafts in a separte room with our 2-1/2 year old.
There were other complaints as well, I worked from home and she would frequently ask if she could leave the baby with me so she could take the 2-1/2 year old to the park, pool, etc.
She recently complained that it took me too long to buy more craft supplies. Sheesh, I had lots of things, craft paper, markers, crayons, etc., she just needed to use her imagination.