Received Thursday, August 9, 2007
This occurred earlier this morning, (8/9) likely about 10:30 AM. A nanny was watching a little boy play on the equipment. To her right was a smaller boy in a stroller. For purposes of identification, and not because it is racist to do, I will now describe the involved person.
The little boy playing was 4ish. He had curly, dark hair and light green or blue eyes, a wide face, very cute, Anglo, wearing a white shirt with an eagle or big bird across it and bathing suit looking shorts. The nanny was 30ish, she seemed to be my height (5'4") and was a little round, but not heavy, she had hair brushed back off her face that flipped up on the side, a large forehead, was African American and had a medium complexion. She was wearing denim jeans and a black tank top. The little boy in the stroller was a carbon copy of the boy playing, same hair and eyes. He was wearing a shirt with a motorcycle on it and some writing. I could not read it. He was about 1.5ish. He was in a very lightweight, inexpensive stroller. The kind that fold up very easily. It was chrome, with a blue fabric liner.
This is my complaint. The little boy was throwing cheez it crackers on the ground. The nanny told him to stop repeatedly. Then., out of the corner of my eyes, I see her bend down and squeeze his face so hard. She then yelled at him right up close and dropped his whole face/head away from her almost like she tossed it. I probably am not describing this well. This made the boy cry. The nanny ignored him and just continued watching the direction of the older boy. When the boy wouldn't stop crying, she swung the stroller around and rocked it side to side. Not in a rocking motion, but in a wheels up, then down motion. I walked towards the stroller and started talking to him, "hey little guy, what's wrong". The nanny stopped rocking him and just kind of glared at me. I said to her, "Bad day", she said "it is now". I paused for a second thinking of the right thing to say and the nanny says, "go on now, go on". And sad to say, I walked on.
WHY????
ReplyDeleteAll you had do say " stop hurting him" and i will go...
I dont get it...Why would you just walk away?....this is uncalled for...nobody should hurt a child specially not a stranger "nannie" included.
As someone in the process of hiring a nanny, reading this blog gives me much concern. Any tips on what to ask and what to look for in an interview to help sort out the ones who really love kids and being a nanny from the ones that end up on here? I've found that all the reference checks are positive and the person hard pressed to come up with any negative things to say, which isn't very helpful.
ReplyDeleteI would ask a nanny open ended questions. "What was your childhood like" and "how would your friends describe you" and "what are your favorite television shows". You want to make the candidate absolutely comfortable in the interview so her answers are natural and real.
ReplyDeleteThis is important. If she really watches daytime tv, don't you want to know?? Make sure to ask what kind of activities she likes to do in her spare time. If you are looking for a nanny who genuinely likes working children,some of her spare time activities will reflect that mentality. For example the nanny loves swimming and biking and painting. Don't let any answer just go because these agencies help the nannies come up with answers. If the nanny says she likes to swim, ask her where she likes to swim. If she likes to paint, ask her what she likes to paint or what kind of painting. Where does she go hiking. The best nannies I know all have great senses of humor and they are fun to be around. Genuinely. Not just when Mom is watching. Ask her what her least favorite part of a childcare job is. Press her for an answer. We all have least favorites. Ask her how she has handled things in the past. Remember to stay relaxed, so you don't pounce on any answer. You want her to think you're LESS intelligent than you really are during the interview. It sounds weird but it was great advice I receieved from a former nanny and one of my best friends. If you and your husband are interviewing together, have him stay back a bit- or you and join the interview five minutes in. Have him re ask some of the questions you were planning to ask off the bat. Just to ascertain if the answers are genuine or rehearsed. Do a background check on everyone. Tell them that in the beginning. Tell them it will include DMV, credit, and NATIONAL court records. Don't hire illegals because their backgrounds are largely unverifiable and often concocted.
Oh and awful, awful sighting.
ReplyDeleteIf anyone ever put their hands on my child, I would lose it!
OP...you are coward for just walking away. You took the initiative to say something, but didn't care enough to follow up when the nanny spoke to you? Unreal!
ReplyDeleteI also can't help but note that you pointed out that your description of the parites involved was not meant to be racist, but you still used the term "African American." It has been stated over and over in this blog that this phrase is no longer acceptable.
Did you walk away when the nanny spoke to you because you are afraid of black people?
you were not there so let us not come down on the OP! Okay! Jeez. What is wrong with you? It is very difficult to confront someone who is mistreating a child because statistically, THEY TAKE IT OUT ON THE CHILDREN later.
ReplyDeleteWhere do you get these statistics, 4:32, and could I get a copy of them for future reference?
ReplyDeleteYou forget (or is it ignore?) that the OP initiated conversation with the child during this "abuse" yet she was ran when the nanny spoke to her. COWARD.
BTW...You weren't there either.
I watched Dateline special where old people were being flat out abused. HIT. Had water thrown at them and only 10 percent of the people stepped in. So don't be sanctimonious. By the tone of her note, suonds like she regretted it.
ReplyDeleteThank you, op, for posting this. I'm sure the parents of the little boys are glad to have gotten this information.
ReplyDeleteI saw the same dateline segment. And these people were outright abusing elderly patients. I would like to think I would have gotten involved. But I cannot say definitively what I would have done in that case or this one. I honestly don't think I would have even approached the nanny. Sounds to me like OP tried.
ReplyDeleteRegret doesn't happen to people who do the right thing.
ReplyDeletei am laughing right now because you thought you were going to step in and she dismissed you! LOL the thing is if you were really that tough and wanted to stop the situation you wouldnt have gone in and started talking to the boy (which by the way if anyone ever did that to me i would have had the same response as this nanny did) you would have walked up to her and spoke directly to HER. so you were a coward in more ways than one. i cant stand when people talk to me through kids. parents have done this to me before "oh nanny is going to give you a bath and then take you to get ice cream and then play at the park" ummmm do you mean "hey i would really like you to give ______ a bath, and then maybe you two can get some ice cream and enjoy some time at the park?" be woman enough to speak directly to the one you want to speak to!!!!
ReplyDeleteOP: Don't beat yourself up over not doing more. What more could you have done in this situation? You wrote this story on here, which we all know has a lot of readers in NYC. I know you want to protect the child, but you could have put yourself and your child, or charge in danger if you had stepped in. Not to mention it is very common for people to abuse children more if they feel threatened or outted in public! I know this from experience working at a shelter for battered and abused women and children. This isn't a statistic, it's first hand knowledge!
ReplyDeleteAlso, to the mother who asked what to look for earlier. When you think you have found the right nanny, check up on her. Come home early from work, stop by the park to see how she is doing. If this isn't possible, ask a friend or a neighbor to stop by. And most important if your instincts tell you something is wrong, something probably is!
Don't go after the OP. It takes a lot of courage to even say something to someone when they are doing wrong. She is not a coward, the fact is if she had made the nanny angrier she very well could have taken it out on the child to relieve the agression. This makes me sick --- I hope the kids parents see this. I hope that she isn't so forceful that the kid ends up with red marks or bruising on the face. I wonder how she'd explain that one!
ReplyDeleteGlad you find that amusing. I have no desire to talk to a nanny who is going to give me some BS excuse for how she is treating the child. If I see someone being mistreated, I always say something. I saw a woman on the street being pulled by a guy. I didn't ask him if he was okay. I asked the woman if she was okay or needed any help. What you might not realize is some of these OPs respond to the children and write up what they saw for no other reason than it is heartbreaking to them. Can you understand the concept of empathy? Or are you too busy power tripping as a domestic in temporary charge of someone else's child?
ReplyDeleteOP thanks for the sighting. We learn from our mistakes and it sounds like you regretted walking away.
ReplyDeleteBack in the days when I lived in the city, I had a friend who followed a nanny back to her apt and left a note with the doorman to give to the parents with her phone number. It said something to the effect "call me if you want to know how your nanny treats your child". The parents did call and she felt a whole lot better. Just an idea...
6:50...FYI. I am a SAHM without a nanny. Stop generalising. It's unbecomming to someone feigning intelligence.
ReplyDelete4:30, get over it. YOUR OPINION is that "African American" is not an acceptable term, but other posters have SCREAMED their OPINION that "black" is not acceptable. Either way is irrelevant to the real point that a nanny who was being paid to take good care of children was treating them badly.
ReplyDeleteIf you're a nanny, I hope some poor parent realizes what they've ended up with and if you're a parent, I hope your children don't grow up with your belligerent attitude.
I think I would have been scared of that sadistic nanny brute, but sometimes something comes over me and I do the unexpected, and I think this would have been one of those times. Protecting children just seems to be the right thing to do and sometimes it might be a little scary. This monster needs to be stopped before she does even more damage than I suspect she already has. I don't know what exactly I'd have done, but something... definitely something.
ReplyDeleteIf AA isn't acceptable as a description for a AA what is? Is AA bad?!
ReplyDeleteBeing a nanny I definitely feel for the little boy that was being squeezed and yelled at, which is something I'd never do to my charge, or any child for that matter. But... these days you can't just walk up to a complete stranger and start telling them what to do. People are psycho and crazy! A few years back I worked as a sales director and had about 20 employees directly under me. There was one employee who had a bad attitude, didn't have the best hygiene, and was trying to sabotage her co workers. When I calmly took her outside and asked her if there was something wrong personally or professionally, she punched me in the face! Sure I am a small person and she was on the taller and heavier side, but my point is you never know what someone will do in a moment of embarrassment and frustration. Op, thanks for the posting, and don't ever feel bad for being concerned for your safety.
ReplyDelete7:42 what a great idea, I have on several occassions wanted a solution & that seems perfectly reasonable...if the parents really want to know they will call & if not I feel I have done my civic duty. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOP; I just read your blog for the 5th time & I think it would make you feel better if you went back to the park & looked for her & took a picture of her & the children & then posted it here. I KNOW I WOULD!
ReplyDeleteI'll never get over how people choose to blame anyones besides the woman doing the crime.
ReplyDeleteOP, good for you for going over there in the first place. Alot of people like to pretend that they are big and bad in blogs, but thats just it. Blogs. You did something and it doesnt make you a coward. You went over there.
Ignore the ignorance on here.
848 - I agree with you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with the person before you. Let's get more pictures of these women up.
Following someone to their apartment building may not always be an option. What if you are stopping at the park on the way to the dr? or what if you are a nanny yourself and you keep the children within preapproved boundaries? What if you start to follow her and she goes shopping, in and out of stores?
I applaud anyone who can do that and does that but it is not a fix all.
4:03- Thank you!!! This is very helpful.
ReplyDeleteActually, I think there are some big bad people who've posted on this blog. There was one gal who called herself JMt who claimed to be quite formidible.
ReplyDeleteI miss her so.
ReplyDeleteYeah...where did JMT go? I do miss her.
ReplyDelete8:26....just because a person is dark skinned does not make them automatically African, or even American for that matter. Most people of this persuation prefer "Black" nowadays unless you know for sure what their nationality is.
ReplyDeleteCali Mom....please refer to my 7:48 comment.
ReplyDeleteHuh? This?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
6:50...FYI. I am a SAHM without a nanny. Stop generalising. It's unbecomming to someone feigning intelligence.
7:48 PM
What am I missing? 7:48 refers to 6:50 which has no refs to SAHM moms or to me...?
Sorry but why can't people just use some anon name so we don't have to scroll endlessly, squinting at tiny type in a practically invisible color to figure out the time someone posted?
12:48AM, you are so funny. You really cracked me up, seriously. You complain about 'Anonymous' posters, and yet you are posting as anonymous :)
ReplyDeleteOh wait a minute, I didn't realize that the post was by my good friend Cali mom. Sorry, I started reading it from where it said 'Anonymous'. That's it, I am going to get some shut eye.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I'm even more confused now, but nighty night ;)
ReplyDeleteThe dagger hurts less if you are anonymous....both ways.
ReplyDeleteCali mom...I referred you to my 7:48 when you insinuated in your 7:54 comment that I was a nanny. It's not that hard.
ReplyDeleteJMT! is that you? Are you 1:37am? OMG, speak to me, you crazy deserter. We missed you.
ReplyDelete1:37 is NOT JMT. If you must know, it is I, ble!
ReplyDeleteI'm a nanny who happens to be BLACK (I'm so sick of debating with people over the use of "African American"!). Anyway...the nanny in the OP who also happens to be BLACK is a rotten human being and should be FIRED.
ReplyDeletePlain and simple.
And to you "Caucasian"/"European"/"WHITE" folks out there who go round and round about what you should "call" Black people...just call us whatever WE are comfortable with (we'll let you know on an individual basis---do it with respect and we'll try to do the same for you, thanks.
4:09
ReplyDeleteDid you just call me white!?
Alright, break out the boxing gloves, cuz it is AWN!
The nerve of some people ...
lol
Black Nanny - Next time I see a nanny mistreating her charge, I'll be sure to ask her what race or ethnicity she is comfortable with being called on a blog. I wouldn't want to offend the sensibilities of the offending nanny.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the offending nanny that we should be concerned about offending, but the readers of this blog.
ReplyDelete10:16....what is wrong with using just a skin tone desrciption or even saying she was "black or possibly AA?" Get creative. It is not just a matter of offending....it is a matter of proper identification. If someone described a nanny as AA simple because she had dark skin, a parent who may see this might not catch that is was their nanny if she is not African, but an islander or something. Some people are just ignorant about race.
ReplyDelete4:09 Black Nanny...great comment! If someone called me a European American, I would probably pee on myself with laughter. I'm white, thank you, but some people who have the same skin tone (or even lighter) than I are NOT white.
ReplyDeleteRe: interview advice. Lauren offered some good advice, but I disagree with acting less intelligent than you are. Remember, while you are interviewing the nanny, she is also interviewing you. She has to decide if this is the job she wants, and a good professional nanny will have several offers. If you come across as someone who has low standards for childcare, or is generally clueless, she won't want to work for you.
ReplyDeleteUES Nanny
I don't think she was suggesting you act dumb. But employers that come across as being ready to pounce on anything not quite factual are not going to put the nanny at ease. 90 percent of nannies suck and 92 percent of nannies lie.
ReplyDeleteIf you can afford the top tier of nannycare for your child, you won't have to deal with all these games. But some families end up interviewing dozens of candidates from the Bronx. They have budgets.
My advice is if you have a childcare budget, take your child to daycare or stay at home with your child. You can't make wine from Snapple. Lord knows I've tried.
QUOTE: anonymous said...
ReplyDeleteCali mom...I referred you to my 7:48 when you insinuated in your 7:54 comment that I was a nanny. It's not that hard.
1:42 AM
Oh, I see now. You're the belligerent a-hole with dark skin who doesn't like to be called black who has apparently contributed some genetic material to produce offspring. At least no one is wasting good money paying YOU to be in charge of children.
9:47...you are confused again Cali Mom. I am not a nanny, but I am white, not dark skinned (unless you count my lovely sunkissed tan).
ReplyDeleteAnd you are calling people a-holes AND belligerent??? My, my. isn't that the pot calling the kettle bla... well, you know what I mean!
10:16 AM, get a grip! Black Nanny is on the mark and you know it. She never suggested anything about offending the OP nanny. In fact she suggested the OP nanny should be replaced!
ReplyDeleteNow climb back up on your high horse and ride away. You're bothering us.
Regarding intererview advice: if any employer flat-out asked me what my childhood was like (which was excellent) I would consider it an inapropriate question for a nanny interview, and if they asked me what my favorite tv show was, I would tell them that I find it an irrelivant question as I will not be watching tv while on the job.
ReplyDeleteThis blog never fails to amaze me with the stupidity of it's posts.
As far as the OP, why is she a coward? Because she wouldn't confront a friggin psycho nanny in the park? Anyone who has not been sheltered their whole life knows that you cannot just go up to a random person and start telling them what to do. Although I don't know that posting it here on this blog is doing much more than feeding the fire of nutty SAMS and bored nannies.
Oh, folks, don't 'ya know?
ReplyDeleteCyberspace comments shouldn't hurt. It's just opinions about opinions and then there are those crazies who just havta say somthing nasty because it's their thing. Best ignored at that.
I think we need skin-tones color swatches when someone submits a sighting. Like when you go to Lowes to get paint... that way, we can just choose the color complexion closest to that of the offender we saw, and everyone can stop fighting back and forth about what to call a person's skin tone. Whattaya think?
ReplyDelete5:27...she is a coward, because she DID instiagte an exchange with the nanny and then chickened out and ran way when the nanny spoke back to her.
ReplyDeletelinzbaby1...you above comment is close to being one of the most racist offensive comments I have yet to read on here.
ReplyDeleteOK, so *someone* is yapping at me angrily for something and can't even mke clear what their issue is so...should I care? I think not.
ReplyDeleteI don't care if someone is a mother or a nanny, though many seem to. Some are better at taking care of children, whether they birthed any or not. Some people are just a-holes, and will make an issue of anything if they are in such a mood. Too bad their lives are so sad.
Next!
Cali Mom...apparently you do care or you wouldn't have bothered to comment on it.
ReplyDeleteHow dare 9:33 PM pass judgment on anyone. The OP did stick her neck out. The person posting at 933 doesn't even have the gumption to use their own name on a blog. Yet she is attacking a woman (who may or may not have had her own child or children with her) for not engaging in head to head combat with some unscrupulous nanny!
ReplyDeleteBY the way, Cali Mom...since you are the rersident spelling and grammer police, I thought it my duty to point out to you that "mke" is not a word.
ReplyDeleteLOL, and how long have you been sitting there waiting for me? Sorry to keep you hanging, I had some other things to do today :P
ReplyDeleteMaggie...she stuck her neck out and then ran away. She would have been less of a coward had she just gone home and posted instead of feigning as if she was going to get involved and then getting scared and running off.
ReplyDeleteAre you for real?
ReplyDeleteG-R-A-M-M-A-R
not GRAMMER!
Actually, Cali Mom...I just logged on about a five minutes ago myself. Maybe you were waiting for me, since my first comment of the evening was before yours. Get over yourself.
ReplyDeleteI believe you meant "resident" and "grammar". But don't let me keep you from getting your prescription filled.
ReplyDeletePerhaps it was at that time that OP decided that her involvement could actually make things worse for the child and not better.
ReplyDeleteI doubt she was thinking of herself.
You sound so terribly foolish.
hh...I know that...it was a little gift for Cali to give her something to do. Funnily enough you caught it before she did and that kind of thing is her job on here. Congrats to you!
ReplyDeleteMaggie..maybe you shold read back on the comments here. I am not the only one who thought she was a coward. I am not nearly the only person who posts without a moniker. All the anonymous comments are not mine.
ReplyDelete9:34
ReplyDeleteLOL.... that's funny... I'm racist? I'm just sick of everyone arguing about how to phrase the tone of someone's skin.
BTW. I'm half black, half Italian. My husband is half black, half native American, and our kids are a mix of all of it!
To Linz~ not being white, does not make you automatically not racist. I agree with the commenter who said the paint swatch comment was very offensive and I'm not white!
ReplyDeletereally? I thought she was being sarcastic. This blog depends on physical descriptions. I love photos because I am a visual person, but get over yourselves with your color banter. It is essential to someone's physical description whether they have blonde hair or red or whether their skin is black or white. And to hold people to some sort of weird standard like they HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT. Do you realize that if 5 people watch someone rob a bank, the police officers usually get five different descriptions? These ops are doing the best they can. Now let us get back to the purpose of the blog which is alerting parents to their nanny's behavior.
ReplyDeletePrecisely, hh...a skin color description is esstial. But calling someone AA just becasue they have dark skin is not.
ReplyDeleteboy you people are so hateful, i would hate see your offspring
ReplyDeletePerhaps you are not tough enough to be on this blog, then..1152? Try Tinkerbell.com. I feel it might suit you better.
ReplyDelete11:59 you're right i don't belong here.....outa here
ReplyDelete6:47...don't let them scare you away.
ReplyDeleteyou debaters are exhausing! lol
ReplyDeleteLet's take a vote so we can move on from the AA vs Black discussion. Which term do you prefer to see for the purposes of this blog? African American or Black. I personally don't like AA, because it makes me think of alcoholics anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI think Black is appropriate unless you know for sure the nation of origin of the nanny, which is usually unlikely.
ReplyDeleteI am with you 5:41pm. My black friends prefer to be called black not African American, and I think this is reasonable because some of them are neither African nor American.
ReplyDeleteLol I can't believe how ridiculous you people are. Debating whether "black" or "African American" is more correct. Putting it to a vote.
ReplyDeleteThis debate is in fact racist, not in an aggressive way, but rather in a pathetic and scared way. Sad.
Sorry this makes you sad Jon, but people respecting each other enough to find out the how they should properly address each other's race is not sad. It is enlightening. Maybe you could use some.
ReplyDelete