This is a bit belated, but I went out of town and didn't get a chance to write about this until this week. I'm sorry if some of the environmental details are vague because I didn't write this all down at the time, but what I observed has been lingering with me, so I wanted to be sure to submit this.About July 30, afternoon (about 3 - 5 pm), my friend and I were in Dolores Park, San Francisco. We watched a young girl, maybe between 5 and 8, run into the public restroom and then come running out with her pants not quite all the way around her rear. We initially giggled because we thought she was so excited to play that she couldn't be bothered to pull them up all the way; her face didn't register anything wrong at this point. We saw her run over to what may have been her mother, but could have been her nanny, who was on the playground watching an infant on the slide. The girl spoke to this woman (slim, long dark/black hair and a very nice brown autumn coat), and then went running back to the bathroom. The woman seemed disinterested. My friend remembered that the restroom had been out of toilet paper, and we watched the girl run around to the other side of the building. We then thought that she was going to go to the men's room (which we couldn't see), but then what we saw was jaw-dropping. She returned from the other side of the building with several large plant fronds (possibly from a palm, but they appeared softer and also wider), and then proceeded to stand outside but next to the bathroom door and wipe her rear end with the plant material.
She went through about 5 fronds, throwing them on the ground, and it seemed like she couldn't quite get comfortable. She looked extremely distressed. My friend and I wanted to go help, but we weren't sure what to do in this situation, as it is so delicate. The little girl appeared to have feces on her hands, which she would wipe on her pants. We also noticed her wiping both her back and front with the same frond. Mind you, we were at a slight distance away, and it felt a bit creepy that we watched all of this, but we were VERY concerned, even if we ultimately did nothing. We were a little shocked and caught off guard. She ran back and forth from the bathroom to the playground a few times, returning to try to wipe again.
The girl then ran back to the adult woman who she was with, who was so engrossed in watching the infant that she completely ignored the little girl. Her focus on the infant was actually very perplexing, and we watched them off and on for about 40 more minutes, and the woman never once seemed to look at the girl (especially did not seem to notice that she possibly had feces on her hands/pants).
The little girl had a turquoise t-shirt and red sweat-type pants. The infant had a pink outfit on (generic, I know). The little girl appeared (from our distance) to be perhaps Indian or Sri Lankan in ethnicity; the woman appeared more Asian, and was perhaps in her early-mid twenties (although, again, we were at a distance). There was nothing to suggest that this was or was not her mother, except that we have a hard time believing that a mother would be so cold and ignorant to the needs of her daughter. Again, the focus on the infant was striking, especially since the little girl was having such an obvious problem. We didn't hear the interaction at all, so we don't know what the verbal/subtle non-verbal exchange was, but the entire situation left us both feeling very sad.
If your readers have any thoughts on what we may have done differently or better, I'm all ears. We thought of going up to the woman and telling her directly what we saw, but something about her "vibe" made us hesitate. We worried that the little girl might get an infection (especially if she didn't wash her hands), but we also worried about how our version of the story might be interpreted by the nanny (my friend and I are both fairly obviously queer, and I know this isn't a big deal in SF, especially in Dolores Park, but I would hate to be accused of anything unsavory by bigoted or ignorant types).
Thanks!
Knowing the restroom was out of paper, I would have offered her some babywipes, or kleenex.
ReplyDeleteI would have offered her some tissue if I had it or looked for a sympathetic looking female that could help in the situation. Just letting a kid run around a playground with poop on her hands touching everything, probably not the best thing to do for the kid or the safety of others using the playground and bathroom.
ReplyDeleteOr just saying to the Mom/Nanny, I'm sorry if I'm intruding, but I noticed that little girl is having some wiping issues and is there anything we can do to help? Look for toilet paper?
I honestly am not trying to sound judgemental, but people not acting in situations like this really baffles me!
I once used a toilet paper roll to wipe (scrape?) after an especially bad colitis attack when I didn't have any time to check to see if there was paper in the stall. You do what you have to.
ReplyDeletePoor little girl. I would have jumped right in to help, but then I'm a preschool teacher. I also usually think before I act which I know is bad.
ReplyDeleteThat nanny/mom is negligent: it sounds like the poor little thing told her and she just ignored it.
Is there for real?
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend wasn't taking care of her child or charge, but you can't involve yourself. I was at the park today (ancient) and I brought my camera to take pictures of my daughter. I felt like every parent in the area was glued to my camera to make sure it didn't land on their child. Just as I had no intention of taking any child but my own's photo and you had no intention of offering anything but assistance, it is a sad, bad world we live in.
Say no to Obama.
Another one who just stood by and did nothing. No one has a tissue or something to offer this little girl or at least take her to wash her hands. Unreal!
ReplyDeleteBTW 7:49....TMI!
I understand why you would do nothing.
ReplyDeleteThere have been many cases of adults just trying to help the little ones, and getting slammed with molestation charges.
I truly don't know what I would have done. If I felt I couldn't go over to the nanny/mom, I probably would have just made a ruckus about it. But it would be hard to walk over to a child who is in that situation, and be 100% sure that you won't be labeled as a sexual offender the rest of your life.
These days, any innocent act can be turned into a form of abuse...
11:29: What a load of crap.
ReplyDelete10:29 why don`t you stick to the issue at hand. You are one of those who make the world so bad. We are not talking Obama here. You are disgusting!! Poor choice of topic here. Find another medium. We are concerned about this child.
ReplyDeleteI live near Dolores Park and go there with my 2 kids. What concerns me most about this post is that this park is frequented by homeless people and drifters. I would never let either of my children out of my site let alone near either of the bathrooms by themselves. I'm glad you two had your eye on her as it frightens my to think that she was in public view with her pants down and anyone could have grabbed her.
ReplyDelete11:07,
ReplyDeleteTotally completely agree! Thank God for good moms like us! (not to brag!) :)
10:29 has to be the same person putting Darfur all over another post. This is not the place!
ReplyDeleteI witnessed something like this one time (yes, as unbelievable as this is, more than one nanny or parent sucks this much!) I too, watched the little girl feeling very helpless for a while, but I couldn't take her distress (and the fact that she was running around without her pants on!) So, I franticly dug through my purse and thankfully found some tissue. I was also afraid to approach the little girl (didn't want to scare her, or freak out her mother/nanny) any way, I put the tissue paper in my hand, stood about 4 feet from her and called out "I just found some toilet paper for the bathroom I'm going to put it on the sink if you need some." She came running at full speed screamed thank you and dashed back into the bathroom. This solved the problem (because I didn't get close enough to her to touch her, or hand her any thing, yet I gave her what she needed)...she even hugged me when she left the bathroom (hope she washed her hands first. LOL) Ever since that time I've always made sure to stock extra tissue in my purse. haha This is a tough situation, if you are completely uncomfortable speaking to the child grab some toilet paper (from the men's room if you dare) and call out to your friend or whom ever is with you (loudly so that the child can hear you) "The bathroom is out of toilet paper, I FOUND some and am putting it in their incase any body needs some!" It sounds lame, but she's too little to care and will be very appreciative I'm sure.
ReplyDelete8:53 PM
ReplyDeleteNot lame at all. That was a very smart solution. Congrats. on being both quick thinking, and kind.
8:53, that's something I wouldn't think to do!!
ReplyDeleteIt is perfect too, it doesn't quite point the child out, or get you into any type of situation where you could get false accusations.
Thanks for sharing that! As sad as it is, it's very possible one of us may need to use that advice some day =(
Keeping tissues in your purse in the little packets is a great idea. I've shared mine more than once in restrooms that had no T.P.
ReplyDeleteThe woman had an infant with her at the park and didn't have any baby wipes to give the little girl? I never take my baby anywhere without baby wipes. He's 8 months old now, but I will be carrying those things forever. They are great for cleaning everything!
ReplyDeleteOh gross gross gross! 11:07, I know exactly what you mean about the homeless and crazies, not to mention the needle brigade, and to think that poor little girl was running around with her pants down and having to deal with that. The mother needs to be smacked!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, the tissue in the purse are a great idea and though I always have diaper wipes I'll make sure now to always have some tissues on hand.
I probab;y would have gone straight up to the mother and said politely but loud enough for people to hear "excuse me but your little girl needs your immediate help!" But that may have drawn attention to the girl from the wrong people, depending on who was actually within earshot.
If I was a mother or had my charge in a public place and was unaware of the child being in distress, I would most certainly want someone to tell me.
ReplyDelete4:45, unfortunately in this case, it's pretty obvious that the mother/nanny didn't care. The OP stated that the girl ran up and told the woman, and the woman did not do any thing. I guess that's when the responsible adults of the world have to get creative and help out!
ReplyDelete8:53, I agree with the others, wonderful idea!! I stuck some tissue in my purse today after reading what you wrote. :)
Original Poster here,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the supportive and helpful comments! We didn't have any paper with us, and I think both restrooms were out (figures), but I do agree with those that said we should have done something. As I said before, we discussed at length whether we should have said something, and in hindsight, I know that we should have; keeping tissues, etc is something I know I should do, but I went and bought some today to keep on hand. It was just great to read some perspective.
I don't know why we freaked so much, when just handing her some paper would have been so simple.
Again, thanks. Hopefully I won't ever see this again, but if I do I will definitely act on it.
This is a delicate situation because she wasn't your child but I still would have helped...I would have offered the girl tissues but made sure i didn't touch her or anything (thats the important part), just make sure she did it herself...I watch over my nieces and nephews all the time and constantly see neglected children and it's very saddening...
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI would have called the authorities that way they would have seen what when on and this child would not have been neglected like she was. Us as adults need to start to speak up for all these children who are being neglected (by parents or nannies) Just today I saw someone jerk a child around in a store and I stepped in and security was called. This small child had bruises all over her arm. Helping a child is our right they can not stand up for themselves they do not know better. These adults who are neglecting them should... If you see them again Please contact your police department they will help..
I just have to say that since you didn't have a problem telling the world about this incident, why did you have a problem not telling the nanny? You could have told her what you saw exactly the way you posted it here.
ReplyDeleteIn 1993, way before I blew my knee out in Bonneville Softball, I went to Spain to be a part of the running of the bulls. I picture accosting a nanny to be much the same as being a part of the running of the bulls, except you have no idea how or when the nanny will react. And there is not a crowd of other people to dogge behind.
ReplyDeleteRemember, guns dont kill people.
Nannies kill people.
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