Received Tuesday, July 24, 2007 -Perspective & Opinion
Dear Readers,
There have been a couple of sightings here of one particular nanny who evidently sleeps on the job... a lot. The last post was removed at the family's request and we have not heard about her since on this forum. I actually know about this sleeping nanny NOT from I Saw Your Nanny, but rather from friends in the neighborhood who have actually seen her in action, so I was surprised to read here that her snoozing seem to be common knowledge outside of my small circle.
Today I noticed on my local parenting board a post from the parents asking how to say goodbye to their "beloved" nanny. They go on to say how wonderful she is but that both kids will soon be in school.
I firmly believe that the next post we will see from this family is one trying to pawn the sleeping nanny off on some unsuspecting family. I have every reason to believe that they will try to get this woman a job, as they have refused to entertain any negative stories about her, continue to employ her and are in fact bragging about her standard of care. Of note is the fact the parents are active in the parenting community and therefore a family looking to hire wouldn't think twice about accepting their recommendations.
I ask you, dear readers, to think about what you would do if and when the post appears. I need advice. Would you:
a. mind you own business
b. confront the parents via e-mail
c. post a loosely based warning for parents to thoroughly research their new hires
d. none of the above (and make a suggestion)
The parenting board does not have an anonymous feature, so publicly outting a post recommending the nanny is not an option. I would like to handle this in a non-dramatic way, if possible, as my only motivation is concern for the next family who employs this lady.
Please DO NOT provide specific details (names of parents/children/nanny or their location, etc.) here if you know who I am referring to. All that will serve to do is get the post deleted again.
Many thanks for your input.
I hate to say it, but I would do nothing. It will take a child getting hurt for this nanny to learn to stay awake. Are there laws that will allow one family to sue a previous employer for providing a false positive employment reco?
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe that the father is suffering from "oh no -- not OUR nanny" syndrome, meaning he probably doesn't realize he's providing false information by giving a good reference. Hard to believe given the fact that many of us have provided him with large clues, but what other sort of excuse would he have?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteOP again:
ReplyDeletePlease don't even refer to which parenting board you think it may be. I really want this discussion to get somewhere without Jane Doe getting skidish. :0)
4:15:
I'm speechless. Just speechless. If this nanny sleeps in public, just imagine how she must behave in private. I feel like writing to the father and saying "um, no need to worry about a transition -- your kids will rejoice!" Unless, of course, they are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. That's always a possibility.
I don't understand -- why hasn't anyone simply told the parents outright about what they've witnessed? Why are people only providing "large clues"? Why does no one have the courage to just tell the parents what is going on? OP, 4:06 and 4:15, just tell the parents directly and clearly! I honestly do not understand why you have not done so already. If you know who the parents are then you share in the responsibility for this situation which is so unfortunate for the children. Please speak up and do something!!!
ReplyDeleteThe father HAS been told straight to his face. Not by me, but by a friend who witnessed the nanny sleeping. He was irritated by the news and gave my friend the cold shoulder. She does not want to be ostracized by the community. As I said, he knows practically everyone. She DID tell him though. Absolutely. And he definitely read the posts here. For whatever reason, he continues to employ the hybernating bear.
ReplyDelete...and obviously thinks she's doing a swell job.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like this family is in denial about their nanny. I don't think it would help to email the family. Maybe you can put like a public service announcement about how parents should observe their nannies at the park (even if they came with great references from prior employers).
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ReplyDeleteI guess they knew they weren't
ReplyDeletegoing to need her anymore soon, and decided it would be too much trouble to replace her.
I would focus on warning the community about hiring the sleeping nanny and forget about the parents.
I'm a little confused. How do you know its the parents of the sleeping nanny that made the post?
ReplyDeleteHi folks. I'm the father. Let's evaluate the situation.
ReplyDeleteOn one hand, we've employed our nanny full time for more than four years. During this time, we've seen firsthand the care and attention she devotes to our kids, and the love she has inspired in return. She's given us every reason to trust her, and has vindicated this trust on numerous occasions.
On the other hand, over the past several months, anonymous posters on this site have:
* Described our son to the world as having obvious behavioral issues, helpfully including a detailed physical description, his name as well as his sister's, and various other identifying details about our family.
* Described our nanny in blatantly racist terms--do the words "looks like an ape" ring a bell for anyone?
* Used the alleged incidents described as a springboard for various slurs against nannies as a whole, as well as the families who employ them.
* Suggested that I'm having an affair with our nanny and/or am being blackmailed by her, as the only possible reasons I wouldn't immediately trust an anonymous post more than my own experience.
Who do you think wins the credibility battle? Now, it might be different if someone had actually brought this up with me in person (despite what's been posted, no one ever has--and there's no one I'm aware of currently giving the cold shoulder to, though my shyness sometimes reads as aloofness).
Anyway, at least some of you clearly know who I am. If you're so concerned about the situation, I welcome you to contact me directly. You can find my email address easily enough; my phone number is also listed.
What is going on here?
ReplyDeleteWhoever this person is, I don't know you. I know what area of "our state" you live in because I have seen numerous posts about you and your nanny on other parenting boards such as babycenter and urbanbaby.
Maybe your nanny slept with some other nanny's husband?
If that really was the “dad” (and I am hoping it was) good for you. Although this site can be a good way for people to hear stories about nannies, and even possibly their nanny, nothing on an anonymous blog should be taken for truth. Props to you dad!
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ReplyDeleteI doubt that was the dad and I don't remember any nanny being described as looking like an ape.
ReplyDelete7:25:
ReplyDeleteThis is the OP. I remember the ape remark vividly because it pissed me off.
Let's stay focused on the issue though: this nanny DOES sleep on the job.
If posters here know the names of the kids, names of the parents, etc., then they are not anonymous troublemakers. The posters all live in the same neighborhood as these people. What is the incentive to start trouble? This is not a community that singles out nannies and families to pick on just for the hell of it. Especially not when the parents are active in the community.
It's just shocking. Shocking!
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ReplyDeleteI think the dad's post is one of the only ones that made any sense.
ReplyDeleteYou people on this board are crazy. Get a life. It is up to him what he says to people in reference to his nanny. It's none of your damn business.
I don't believe the nanny was sleeping. I think it's all a made-up bunch of bologna. And when the father breaks it all down for you like he did, do you feel the least amount of shame? You should all be ashamed of yourselves, everyone who contributed to this madness.
Please review our comment policy. Any comments that conflict with our existing comment policy will be deleted.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope that a child is not harmed as a result of this nanny and the parents who employ her. There is really nothing else to say.
ReplyDelete9:15:
ReplyDeleteAre you talking to me, the OP? I don't feel any shame at all. I am not responsible for the stupid offhand remarks made in the comment section here on past posts. I myself just state the facts, and race, the possibility infidelity, etc. is not in the equation as I see it.
I am only responsible for reporting what I know, which is that this nanny sleeps on the job.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if i DIDN'T say something.
I've said what I had to say. I will be watching to see how this all pans out.
If she really sleeps all the time, maybe someone can take a picture of her in action (or should I say not in action). Post it here and on the parenting board too if that is allowed. As for the employer proactively recommending her if they are fully aware of the complaints and that others know it, I would say he/they share responsibility if she naps on a new unsuspecting family whose whose child is injured/killed as a result of her ongoing, well known irresponsible behavior, if they in fact, give her a positive recommendation. If the family she works for now has really be told, then it is sickening. (I do not know where this nanny is and cannot say they know, as the father said no one has told him directly. Is it possible these are 2 different families/nannies?)
ReplyDeleteyes OP, I am talking to you and all the insane people on this board.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing insane about trying to protect defenseless children. Insanity is turning the other cheek. You sound as though you might be mommy dearest, the other half of the couple protecting this nanny.
ReplyDeleteOP, it's 4:34 here. I'm the one who said I don't understand why no one has told the family directly about what has been witnessed. (Mine was the 5th post.) Clearly, neither you nor the other people who know the family, and have witnessed the nanny sleeping, have ever told the family, in any effective way, about what you've witnessed.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you or someone else tried mentioning something, and you may have thought you did it adequately. But your original post and subsequent posts show that it was never made clear to the parents. There is no question that people were not frank or direct enough with the parents. The original post with a, b, c, and d, all as inadequate options, show that you have not confronted the parents strongly and clearly with what you have witnessed.
I think it is ridiculous to worry about being socially ostracized by the parents, and letting this stop you from telling them something so important as the nanny is consistently falling asleep on the job! Who cares about being socially ostracized! You are just as responsible for the child's welfare, if you have seen the nanny sleeping continuously, and you know who the parents are but have refrained from properly informing them!
You nailed it OP! Who cares? And would even want to be befriended by such careless, clueless parents. Maybe the nanny worked for cheap and that was her saving grace.
ReplyDeleteYou are the one who should be ashamed, 915, advocating a "cover up" for what? To protect this worthless lump of garbage posing as a childminder. Sweeping things under the rug solves nothing and I have to wonder if she was a bargain basement nanny and that is one of the reasons she got away with this blatant child neglect right under the parents nose.
ReplyDeletesprak,
ReplyDeleteyou should be ashamed that you are a loser. Someone should sweep you under the rug...
Well, it would take a mighty big rug but I doubt anyone would be interested in trying to stifle me as I only speak the truth. It's just that some people can't handle the truth.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete10:24:
ReplyDeleteHe has been spoon-fed the information according to my friend. I can only trust that she's telling the truth. And the posts he saw here were unrelated to my friend's sighting, as well as the others I've heard about.
This father chooses to ignore the past postings here and write them off as random internet troublemakers.
There is no little lightbulb in that brain that goes off and says "hmmm..... if they know the names of my kids, where they hang out from day to day, what the nanny wears, the type of stroller they ride in....., etc" then these are not random people and they have obviously seen her on more than one occasion.
It's real, folks. As I said, this is not a community that singles out families for the hell of it to pick on.
Let him focus on the weirdos that leave assinine remarks in the comment section instead of the actual reports about his nanny. I get the feeling he doesn't want to admit to sticking his kids with a bad seed for 4 1/2 years. The fact that his oldest probably went ignored for hours at a clip (if she sleeps in public I bet she deep sleeps at home) must be too much to consider.
It is not up to ME to tie this guy up and beat him down with the information. It is up to HIM, if he is at all responsible, to seek out the information. If he was remotely concerned, he might have posted on the parenting board ages ago asking for people to come forward with what they know, if anything.
The fact is HE DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW.
I no longer care about him, his children or sleeping beauty. I can't make that clear enough. I only care about the NEXT IN LINE to inherit this woman, who these folks will give a glowing recommendation to.
--OP over and out, urging everyone to be very careful when hiring someone to care for their kids
I think it all comes down to how you approach someone. Many people just don't have tact. Most of the posters here seem not to have it. If someone started harrassing me and my family via the internet, posting personal info about me and my family, I would be less likely to listen than if they approached me with maturity and concern. Unfortunately, most of the people on this site are only concerned with drama and not the welfare of the children. I don't blame the father one bit for being angry.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I see care was taken on this particular post and he's still got his blinders on.
ReplyDelete