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Received Friday, July 6, 2007
A question to families who employ nannies:
I have been working as a live in nanny for 3+years to an amazing family. We get along so great and besides occasional issues, we never have problems. I wouldn't trade working for them for anything in the world, now that I've said that, I do have one issue. I injured myself this past week and had to go to the doctors. When I suggested to the mom that I needed to go, she gave me a dirty look and all but said I had to go on my own time. Well I ended up going and found out I had a serious problem that requires bed rest for a few days and then I should be all better. She actually seemed pissed that I had too not work the rest of the day today and I was shocked. I mean, I work my butt off all day, working above and beyond my usual duties and while they show great appreciation, the time off issue is getting own my nerves. I never ask for time off unless I am going home to visit family and have worked through a major illness and other injuries in the past. So what to do, do I just suck it up and brush it off or do I fight back and possibly upset a great working relationship? I mean, not all doctors are open on the weekends, and not all injuries can wait till off hours to fix. I was also scheduled to get cosmetic surgery (mole removal) done and they said I couldn't have the day off cause they were busy that day. I should say that I am supposed to get 5 sick days a year and in the past 4 years have only taken 2 off, and if I have to take a few hours off here or there, I always hire a babysitter and pay for it myself. which is ridiculous in the first place if you ask me. so anyways, I guess I just want to know what YOU as in employers would want your nanny to do in this situation.
-Nanny B
wow i cant belive you pay for a sitter yourself. That would be grounds for me to quit....Since you are supposed to get time off.
ReplyDeletesecond...fight it. its better to have her mad for a few days time off then seriously hurt your self more.
Are you serious? That is infuriating. First of all, you should NOT be paying for a sitter yourself. Second of all, this person doesn't sound like they even care about the fact that you are sick! How could they not afford you the basic human decency to let you go to the doctors, while they expect you to care for their kids? Would they make their kid wait until the weekend to take them to the doctor? Do they honestly expect you to provide top quality care for the health and well-being of their child when they clearly don't care about YOUR health and well-being? There are much better people out there to work for and I pray that you find a new position soon.
ReplyDeleteExcuse my french but you are being f***ed over. Quit and leave their asses hanging. If you hurt yourself on their property I would sue their asses. You have to pay for a sitter yourself???? Are you shitting me? That pisses me off. I wish, wish, wish my boss tell me that if I took a sick day I have to pay for another person to come in and do my job. You are way too nice and they would have seen the back of me when they told me that I had to pay for a sitter. Oooo that makes me mad. I am so sorry. Find a new job, and sorry people I wouldn't even give them notice. Just leave. Dumbass people. I swear!
ReplyDeleteare you the same Nanny B that posts in the comments section?
ReplyDeleteYou have to know other nannies don't put up with that. Get some $$ and get on your way.
And dont sign a non disclosure agreement when you leave. That way whatever you fail to get from them $$$ wise you can make off the blog when you blog about their private, f'd up lives.
i'm a nanny and i get to drink wine with employer for the last hour i'm there so she can unwind and review her day. does anyone have it like that?
ReplyDeleteI think that employers often unknowingly take advantage of their nannies b/c they don't think of them as they would an employee like a subordinate in an office, who clearly may call in sick without having to find her own replacement, etc. It seems like some parents feel like the nanny is part of their family and *should* sacrifice her own well-being for them. It's the same attitude you read about in 19th century British literature...except that these days, nannies are not supposed to be second-class citizens with different rights than their employers.
ReplyDeleteAnd, IMO nannies often let themselves be taken advantage of b/c they seem to think if they stick up for themselves and do not constantly go above and beyond for their employer, they will be perceived as mercenary (hello - it's a JOB) or not putting their charges first.
I think it's somewhat ridiculous that some employers expect their nanny, who is not related to their kids, to sacrifice more for their kids than THEY do.
I would NOT work for such people. (Not a nanny, btw, just a mom with many friends and acquaintances who have p/t or f/t nannies). It is beyond ridiculous that you have paid for sitters to cover for you when you are sick. Beyond ridiculous - insane. Do not ever do that again - if you offered, they are still schmucks for accepting your offer, but you should NOT have done that. If they told you you had to do that, you should have quit right then.
Ditto. You need to find a new job.
ReplyDeleteBTW I am a former nanny, child care worker and teacher....now a SAHM.
You definitely need to let them know how you feel. I wouldn't necessarily quit this time, but if you are treated the same in the future, you should quit. Sure, things will be awkward (sp?) for a few days, but it will blow over.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest part of this b.s. is you paying a babysitter out of your pocket! When I take off from my nanny position, I always tell the family I can ask around to some friends and see if they are available to fill in, but I would not offer to pay them out of my pocket. The family has never taken me up on my offer as they enjoy the occasionaly day off to spend with the baby.
I don't abuse the days I am contracted to be off, but you better believe I use them! If I don't use them, it states in our contract, that at the end of our term I am paid out those unused sick/personal/vacation days. And you can believe I keep track.
I work for a wonderful family! I couldn't be happier with my situation! I am actually surprised by their generosity considering I am their first nanny for their first child.
Stand up for yourself and don't be taken advantage of any longer!
I was in a similar situation, although not as bad as yours since I only worked for them for a year. I was allotted four sick days per year and while working for them, I got pregnant. (Unplanned.) My husband and I were happy of course, until we realized that the people I worked for (ironically they were doctors) had a very hard time with my taking the sick time allotted to me for OBGYN appts. (My OB is not open on Saturdays or after 6:00pm) The family agreed to let me break up my sick days into hours (9 hours each) and use them. But after awhile, they started to get mad about it. I also took one sick day when I had a stomach bug, but all other time off was for doctor's appts. When I left there almost a year after being hired to have the baby, I still had several hours of sick time I had not used.
ReplyDeleteThis family, after I left, told several other people I was "unreliable" even though I was very reliable. They were horrible people and I was disgusted with them. In the last few weeks of my employment, they treated me very badly and in a cold way. Their children came down with a virus that is specifically harmful to pregnant women and when I told them I was worried about my baby, they told me I was being silly and were irritated when I needed to get bloodwork to see if I had contracted it from the kids. I actually had to go to a doctor's office three cities away on a Saturday because they would not allow me time off to go to my doctor in my own town.
It's funny how the "nicest" people can turn on you when they are not getting things their way.
I would get out of the situation. They don't sound very nice.
Nanny B here, yes I'm the same one who posts in the comments section and second, no I would not quit. I love this family to much and besides this one issue, I have no other issues with them what so ever. And they do care about my personal wellbeing, just selfish about them taking time off. I did speak to them today and they agreed that I should not be working until I get better but that they cant' take the time off. They are going to check and see if family can come in and help me out with everything so that I can just sit and relax and supervise.
ReplyDeleteIf your employers can not take time off when you are out, they need to have a backup plan. That is their responsibility, It is not fair to put the burden on you. I hope you are feeling better. You sound like a great nanny.
ReplyDeleteI am an employer. While I would be inconvenienced by my nanny being sick or needing time off, I would never give her a hard time about it, unless it was really unreasonable.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I don't think you need to find a new job, atleast not yet. It sounds liks you enjoy your job and give it all you have. You should speak to your employer and let her know how you feel (in a calm, rational manner) and that you go above and beyond etc. and that your recouperation while it is an interruption, will be short lived etc. I think you should give her an opportunity to explain herself and perhaps take her foot out her mouth.
Ultimately, however, if you don't like how your employer treats you - you should start looking for a new job. Anyone that devotes as much of herself to the job as you apparently do, should be treated with respect and kindness. No exceptions PERIOD. If your employers can't handle that, than you don't want to be there.
Good luck and feel better.
Nanny B - come work for me. You sound awesome and I would never make you pay for a sitter when you need time off -that is just ridiculous. As if you aren't entitled to take care of yourself!! And your employer is a snake for letting you pay for the sitter. Give me a break.
ReplyDeleteYou are being used, taken advantage of, and under appreciated...to put it kindly.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me like they have come to expect SOOO much from you...for you to be in a way, "super human", that they have forgotten you are a person with needs and will now take no less from you than perfection (not fair, as you are human.)
They also seem EXCEPTIONALLY selfish (as they are obviously only concerned with their own needs and not you or your healing process!) To be honest, I think you can do A LOT better...it may just be time to start looking for a new employer. At the very least, stand up for yourself, it'll only get worse if you show them that you are in fact the door mat you've been presenting them as and will in fact put up with any ting even harming your body to please them!
You are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. I too found myself in a similiar circumstance and I was not the nanny but the estate manager who had become very attached to the children. The nanny had left after one year and the family did not replace her. Instead I allowed them to use me for taking the children to and from school. Before I knew it I was bathing the youngest more often than the MOM. You need to sit down with the family and tell them you need some set work hours. You may be flexible but do not go and work 70-80 hours a week because they appreciate it. When push comes to shove you are just an employee to them and nothing more. Good Luck.
ReplyDeleteYou should be treasured for your loyalty. You are entitled to your sick days if you need them (duh!!) and everyone needs them every so often. It's obvious you've never abused your sick time. You should never pay for the replacement sitter yourself -- that's wacko!!
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me you feel powerless in the situation, like any wrong move and you're out of a job. Don't believe it! Their children love you and expect *YOU* to be there. You are not automatically replaceable with someone else and it would take quite a bit of doing to find someone to replace you.
They need you more than you need them. Keep in mind that it takes a lot to find a good nanny. Once found you are still staring from scratch in terms of trust - then there's the 'break in' period for the kids and the parents as well as the nanny. If these people don't understand this, there is no way that you can teach them that lesson, and you should not have to suffer because they are too ignorant to realize a good thing when they have it.
ReplyDeleteJust because they have a nanny does not free them from the responsibility of parenting - a responsibility that usually requires sacrifice. Tell them you are not going to pay for any more babysitters and when you need a day off for medical reasons (cosmetic or not) - you're going to take it - case closed or you're quitting.
I had an employer tell me that I still needed to come into take care of their 4 children after I got a doctors note saying I couldn't be around children due to pnuemonia...the mother said I still had to come in and care for the children, and I was caring for a 4 month old up to 4 years old..so all were highly susespatible to getting sick from me...what was worse was that none of these children had vaccinations...I couldn't belive that she made me come into work...the worse part was that the mother was a stay at home mom...UGH>>>I am so glad I don't work for them anymore..loved the kids...hated the parents..
ReplyDeleteNanny B:
ReplyDeleteAS an agency owner, working mother, and a former professional nanny, I am appalled.
Do you have a work agreement with your family? If not, you should aproach the family and ask for one or write one yourself.
Also request or maintain your own log tracking sick days and personal time off. Some parents just aren't thinking when they are frustrated with the idea of having to find a replacement. If they aren't already using a temporary nanny service, I'd suggest a few to them. This will relieve that stress when you need to take time off.
If your employers are still unreasonable, you may want to consider looking for another job. As a nanny, I was very picky about the families that I worked for and made sure that it was a good relationship for both of us. During the interview process, I'd ask families what they would do should I become ill. Should you choose to leave, be sure that you give proper notice and request a letter of reference. Don't allow their bad behavior tarnish your reputation as a nanny.
Best of luck!
-DH
6:19, that's when you should have called CPS, and let them know that the mother was puposely exposing them to a very infectious and possib;y deadly disease. Absolutely sickening.
ReplyDeleteNanny B, after reading all this, I just can't imagine what about this family is so wonderful. The children may be wonderful, but they're not the ones you have to negotiate all your terms with. I'd say the parents sound like a**holes, working you over for everything they can get out of you just to see if and when you'll put your foot down. They sound like some people a friend of mine had to cut ties with.