I have been working for this family for three months. The parents leave at different times in the mornings and mornings are pretty casual. Long story short, when the father started appearing in the kitchen/family room in the morning to greet the kids, start coffee, greet me, he had a humongous boner. We are not talking about anything subtle, nor are we talking about something he could not know about. He had to see it out of his peripheral vision.
The babies are young enough not to understand, but I did and was super uncomfortable. I would usually leave the kitchen, go start laundry, etc. After it happened the third time, I knew it wasn't an accident. The father would try to talk to me about the day or the night before with this huge boner is his briefs. He was usually wearing sweat pants at this time, sometimes male style pajamas, ie, a pair with Bills logos all over them.
I waited for this to end. Then on Friday night, the mom came home early. She was nice and pleasant and asked me how everything was going. I said, everything was great. I told her about some things I was doing with the twins. She seemed pleased. I said, "I do have this one kind of problem.". She immediately responded was sympathetic eyes, until I spit out what it was. She asked me, "What are you saying" and suggested, "I was imagining things." She alternated between being confused and bitchy, to careful and nice-ish. She assured me she would talk to her husband that night. (Friday).
I get a text yesterday Sunday saying:
(Name..) I talked to (husband) and he does not know what you are referring to. He was very upset and says that he can't have you come back and be uncomfortable in his own house. I have to agree with him. Whatever is going on with you, I hope you get it sorted out. Maybe try a dating sight?
Yes, really. This made me furious. Do you know what an uncomfortable position he put me in by purposely doing what he did? It happened no less than 8 times and it happened to the point that I think he would start stimulating himself before he came out to me. He only did it when his wife had already left.
So how did I respond?
I assure you it was much more uncomfortable for me. I was also concerned about what I was seeing and how to bring it to your attention, so I recorded two of the incidents on my cell phone.
The truth. Of course not. But now I am jobless. I don't have a reference. Fortunately, I have many good references. I haven't heard back from my former boss since yesterday morning when I sent my follow up text. Screw them. "Try a dating site?" #&*!!!
Gross. I have so many creepy DB stories from my time as a nanny. MB's in my case, reacted the same way, no one wants to hear that their partner is misbehaving sexually, especially to someone much younger than them. In my previous cases, once I realized that the MB route rarely worked, I started comforting the DB in the moments that made me uncomfortable. It's pretty hard to deny an act of ignorance, sexual harassment, or idiocricy when you address it as it's happening.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I'm sorry you went through that.. Nannying can be a really hard field to handle in that way, and it in no means ever should have to be.
The dating site comment was her just being a bitch. I have no doubt her eyes will be opened to her husbands misdoings eventually, somebody that disgustingly bold is most likely a repete offender.
Yuck.
There was no way to recover from this issue. Once you told your MB about it, there wasn't much you could do. Either she'd apologize, reel DB in (and now he's too embarrassed to face you) or what's happened in your case.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is out and nanny is the scapegoat. Of course she knows you're telling the truth. That's why she can be so catty and recommend a dating site.
Now the next nanny won't have to deal with this.
I wish you had recorded it on your cell phone LOL.
ReplyDeletei am really fortunate that all the DB's i worked with were great guys and dads - to learn from and emulate - but - you are very fortunate to be out of there - his behaviour could have escalated. Three months -- pfft ! Believe me - they are going to miss you - and i am proud !! of you for standing up for yourself!! keep us posted when you get your next job where they are worthy of you!!
ReplyDeleteI would send her that text... even if you don't have film footage. On the upside, you can get unemployment.... If they weren't paying you legally file an SS8 (a form that the IRS determines you are an employee not "whatever" and they pay ALL back taxes) .
ReplyDeleteI had a DB who had no issue parading around the house in his undies, nothing but his undies, all morning. He would just casually drink his cup of coffee, try and have a conversation with me, etc. and it was the most awkward thing! I brought it up one morning (while he was in his undies) to MB and DB both who seemed to think it was funny? DB said it was his home and his right to feel comfortable in his own home. MB finally saw my seriousness and assured me it wouldn't happen again... And it never did!
ReplyDeleteI was lucky that they took my complaint seriously. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you OP, but it seems like it's for the best.. What a yucky DB!