I have a strange situation. My acquaintance and neighbor had a great nanny for three years. I am a stay at home Mom and my friend works. The kids would get together often, so I had a lot of contact with the nanny. When my husband and I traveled, 3 times, she babysat my children. One time, we went to Pakistan for 12 days. I really trust her and had a great regard for her.
My neighbor/friend started to work from home and this deteriorated their nanny/employer relationship. The nanny was fired on Monday, on the spot and told to clear out by 3PM. The employer left with the children. The nanny was in tears and came to me. It sounded completely unreasonable on the employer's part. I offered the nanny our guest room.
Now, I have the nanny staying with us. My kids play with their kids and the mom doesn't want the nanny to see the kids, for no reason except to be punitive. The kids miss her desperately and she misses them. The woman/neighbor is also a person of "power" in our community. She sent me a series of texts accusing me of stabbing her in the back by letting the nanny stay here. This person has never been a friend to me, she's not a nice person.
To that point, the last text I received from her states that she is going to the police station to file an order of protection against the nanny because she is claiming that the nanny is here to stalk her. The nanny is from Virginia, has no family in CT and has no place to go. She wasn't given severance or warning or anything, and this after THREE years.
Everyone tells me not to get involved, to wash my hands of the situation and to send the nanny packing. The odd thing is that Monday was the first day of summer vacation. My children are now home all day, I could really use a nanny, and there is no nanny I have higher regard for than this nanny. My husband says it won't ever work to have her here, that her boss will make our lives miserable. (She has already banned her children from playing with our children, or coming to our side of the street). The houses are very spread out here, each property sits on at-least an acre, so she has no reasonable cause to feel stalked. I know she knows what she did is wrong. It feels abusive and like power and control being used to hurt her and then me.
The nanny is staying in a what was designed as a mother in law suite in the basement. It faces the opposite direction of her house. Our back yard and driveway also face opposite of their house. The nanny does not need to pass by their house at all. Can I make this situation work? I have had some offers come my way to get back into the design field, free lancing,largely from home and part of me thinks this is perfect. And then the next minute, I think I am as crazy as she is.
edited for content-JP
My neighbor/friend started to work from home and this deteriorated their nanny/employer relationship. The nanny was fired on Monday, on the spot and told to clear out by 3PM. The employer left with the children. The nanny was in tears and came to me. It sounded completely unreasonable on the employer's part. I offered the nanny our guest room.
Now, I have the nanny staying with us. My kids play with their kids and the mom doesn't want the nanny to see the kids, for no reason except to be punitive. The kids miss her desperately and she misses them. The woman/neighbor is also a person of "power" in our community. She sent me a series of texts accusing me of stabbing her in the back by letting the nanny stay here. This person has never been a friend to me, she's not a nice person.
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| Mark Hess |
Everyone tells me not to get involved, to wash my hands of the situation and to send the nanny packing. The odd thing is that Monday was the first day of summer vacation. My children are now home all day, I could really use a nanny, and there is no nanny I have higher regard for than this nanny. My husband says it won't ever work to have her here, that her boss will make our lives miserable. (She has already banned her children from playing with our children, or coming to our side of the street). The houses are very spread out here, each property sits on at-least an acre, so she has no reasonable cause to feel stalked. I know she knows what she did is wrong. It feels abusive and like power and control being used to hurt her and then me.
The nanny is staying in a what was designed as a mother in law suite in the basement. It faces the opposite direction of her house. Our back yard and driveway also face opposite of their house. The nanny does not need to pass by their house at all. Can I make this situation work? I have had some offers come my way to get back into the design field, free lancing,largely from home and part of me thinks this is perfect. And then the next minute, I think I am as crazy as she is.
edited for content-JP
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Screw your neighbor... if you are really invested in this nanny's life, I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like you are closer to the nanny than your neighbor so I think it's great that you were able to support this girl. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and can stand up to whatever the neighbor tries to throw at you. Most likely she is all talk. But I admire that you had this nanny's back and think you are doing the right thing. I'm sure she is eternally grateful to you as well! :)
ReplyDeleteScrew the neighbor she sounds like she's being spiteful .. If you trust the nanny that's the most important thing!!
ReplyDeleteDid she start with a contract ? If yes she can sue especially if she was a live-in
ReplyDeleteIf not, I'm afraid she is screwed although if they didn't have a contract and wasn't employed on the books, it's going to backfire at the family as well so she should be careful.
It seems that your a very considerate and generous person, god bless you for that and I hope there will be a happy ending for you guys and that life will do the rest for the mother who treated her former nanny so poorly.
Yes, you can and you should try to make it work. Your neighbor is being irrational. You can't get a restraining order unless you have proof of harassment! Ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteShe'll get over it soon, so just ignore her "tantrum". It seems like you need this nanny just as much as she needs you so go for it! :-)
Keep the nanny. There are two sides to every story. Sounds like the powerful neighbor is mad because she has no power in this situation. Thank you for having a good heart. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteI wish someone like you had been around the times I've gone through being kicked out of employers' houses for nothing more than minor personality conflicts. It's happened twice to me - by their own admission, I hadn't done anything wrong, but they wanted me out immediately. You sound great, and I think if you are willing to do right by this nanny, that's amazing!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. Keep the nanny. Screw that crazy lady. She's lucky the nanny isn't suing her for unlawful eviction. She gave no notice. The nanny could take her to court. Have the nanny stay as far from that lady -and her kids sadly - as possible. She may miss them but that woman does have the right to dictate who goes around her kids.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like just the person this nanny needs! I would suggest distancing yourself from the other mom, as she sounds crazy and not a person to be friends with. Regarding the nanny/going back to work situation, I would say you could go back part-time and see how you feel, and then work your way up if you wish. I imagine the nanny really appreciates all of your help, but also that she doesn't expect anything from you. Poor nanny- I can't imagine how she feels!
ReplyDeleteAgree with all. Stand strong, protect this nanny and don let this power bitch win!
ReplyDeleteAngi
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