Readers, Mothers, where are you? I need a less direct audience to discuss this! We had an incident involving our nanny of five months in November. I don't want to get in to the details, but she created an alcoholic treat and left in a common place, my four year old sampled some. She came upon him, immediately induced vomiting, called poison control and called us. I was upset. My husband was furious. My husband fired her that evening and send her packing without a reference or severance. I feel I knew the nanny better and that she generally exercised great judgement but this was just an oversight. She left our home and went to stay with a nanny friend of hers where I learned, through a mutual friend that several items dear and expensive to her were stolen, including cash, ipad, iphone. Still feeling bad about the way she left our house, I reached out through the mutual friend, for sake of explanation, the mutual friend is her best friend's employer. I arranged for her to receive a new ipad and iphone delivered to her best friend. I sent a short letter saying in essence that I was sorry that things ended so terribly and I appreciated the way she treated for and cared for my son. I did not share any of this information with my husband. She responded to me by email yesterday and said, again, in essence that she was sorry for her carelessness, she missed DC and she really appreciated my gesture, but what she really needed was cash for living expenses until she found a new job. Here, I would like to say that I wasn't looking for an ongoing conversation. I wrote back what I thought would be the last time saying, "I wish you the best, I was hoping having access to an IPAD and phone would help you in your job search." She then followed up with an email asking for me to meet her at the Apple Store and return the stuff for cash and give her the cash. I was put off by this request. I mentioned this to her best friend's employer who said to me, "I really don't know how you kick a girl from Kansas out of your house without a dime to her name. I don't know how you let DH do that. If you would have handled your situation with the proper etiquette, this poor girl would not be in this awkward position.". I'm between livid and exhausted. Help me make sense of how this should have gone or how it needs to wrap up.
*edit* Nanny made sorbet with champagne and set it to chill in our kitchen freezer in a tupperware style container. While she packed up my son's playdate and got them on the elevator following a playdate, my son stayed in the kitchen, where he consumed about 1/2 cup of the sorbet and a handful of Cheez Puffs.
Your husband fired your nanny because she made sorbet balls with champagne and your son ate them....I'm just appalled at you, not for you. This sounds completely ridiculous. You are unhinged as is your husband. It's probably better for her that she doesn't work for you anymore. Give her the cash. Or do the right thing and hire her back. People make mistakes and if that's the worst she's done, that's not even close to bad. I'm not even sure how that's her fault!
ReplyDeleteThe kid sounds out of control. How old is he? Maybe his parents should have taught him to ask for food. Sounds like he just takes what he wants. I'm not saying the nanny isn't a little negligent, but firing her isnt going to help you. Whats next? He darts away from you at Target and starts slurping down antifreeze in the auto aisle?
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow. She was a good nanny and you let your husband kick her to the curb. What about women looking out for women? Burn in hell!
ReplyDeleteWait. I don't understand why we are judging the mother....was your nanny allowed to indulge in alcohol while working? If not, she should've been fired. Was she making something you had requested she make? Then, no, she shouldn't have been fired. It's that simple to me. And for those saying her four year old is out of control, shame on you. The nanny made a treat with ice cream. What child doesn't want that? If none of you have children, don't judge. Four year olds are mischievous and curious. I've missed this site, but I won't come back if it's going to be just as bad as it was before with the comments.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, from what you wrote, I do think you overreacted by firing her on the spot. While she possibly had a lapse in judgement, it's not like she left the champagne infused sorbet open on the kitchen counter. Kids get into things. It sounds like she was a live-in and I'm assuming that you had had a conversation about alcohol at some point, so this could have just as easily happened when you were home with your kids and the sorbet was in the freezer.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm faced with a situation like this, I always ask, "Is this something that could have happened while I was watching my kids?". I know we think that we should hold nannies/ sitters to a higher standard, but honestly, the same thing could have happened if you were home. We have all turned our back on four-year-old only to find them in some sort of ridiculous predicament in a matter of moments- my favorite being when my ten-year-old was four and got his head stuck under the clawfoot tub in the bathroom. Things happen, your son is fine. Please, do what you can for your former nanny.
Ugh I hate it when people say "shame on you for this or that". Anyway.
ReplyDeletefamousinasmalltown has a good point--could the same thing have happened with you in charge instead of the nanny? Well if you, like many many other people, have alcohol in your house, or delicious foods in your house, or anything in your house that you don't want your kid eating, it could have happened under your watch, too. Nannies are humans, just like parents. And jeez, it's not like it was Jaeger or Everclear. It sounds like she was a live-in and is allowed some time to herself, and that's what the sorbet was for. Unless you explicitly said "absolutely no alcohol in this house", it doesn't sound like her offense was that bad. But, if you aren't comfortable having her as your nanny anymore, don't. The least you can do though is help her not be completely screwed (just give her the money for the apple products.)