I'm guessing you haven't experienced this before. I am a 26 year old nanny with a BS in the Arts. I am attractive, energetic, positive and I think a lot of fun. I started working for a family in January. The job is going well but with one concern. At first it seemed funny, but now it seems weird. The mother of the children is wealthy and unassuming. She wasn't really into fashion or make up and is 11 years older than I am. Over the past few months, she has changed her style, dramatically. In fact, she has assumed my style. This includes adding dark low lights to her hair, wearing jeans clearly intended for a twenty something year old and just doing things that make me thing that she wants to be me. This is very real so don't suggest I am overconfident. Ill be honest, I borrow my style from here and there, but hers is clearly all from me. This is despite where we live and her access to salons and shopping and even more stylish women. The style kind of looks weird on her, like cheap. In addition, she works from her home about 1/3 of the time and more and more it seems like the 1/3 of the time she is home, she wants to spend time with me (and the children??). I really think it's more like to be with me. It's not a sexual thing either, but it's weird. Husband travels excessively so I have considered she is just lonely but this feels weird.
Id say she is probably lonely and looking to bond with you. I'm a SAHM of a baby. Dh works normal hours but those 9-10 hours he's gone a day are lonely for me. None of our friends have kids and they all work. Also,she may have been in a rut style wise and seeing your style might have inspired her to de-frump. You say it isn't sexual and she doesn't make inappropriate comments ....so i guess I'm not sure what the big deal is. Btw....I'm 28 if that makes a difference
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kristen, she's probably lonely and trying to bond with someone while her husband is away.
ReplyDeleteOne thing: be very clear with your personal boundaries (with yourself and MB). Being friendly with your boss is one thing, but if the mom starts inquiring about your personal life or wanting to go out for drinks with you, I would heed that as a sign that the professional environment is being confused with a friendly social one.
But yeah, I don't see the big deal
My MB has done some of the same things. She asks me for style advice and for help doing her makeup. I'm a live-in, and in my off time she wants to hang out. I almost always politely decline, except in the case of a family get together. I'm sure a lot of it is the fact that she's lonely, and I think she doesn't necessarily "get" the nanny/employer boundaries that I've tried to set up. She's also 11 years older than me.
ReplyDeleteI don't really worry about it, and I'd say you shouldn't either. But like others said, if she wants to become too close, you should absolutely establish those boundaries. As for the part about her dressing like you, I guess take it as a compliment. It could be that she's insecure. Maybe you come across as confident, which she would like to be, and she likes your style so has tried to adopt it in order to feel more confident herself.
I wont say its funny but its curious that people always think the dad is gonna fall in love with the nanny. When my boss invited me to go sit in the hottub one night, I said yes cuz I felt pressured. She brought out champagne. Lets just say its not always the Dads who fall for the nannies.
ReplyDeleteAw it definitely seems a little strange but most likely she is looking for a friend. She needs to get out more lol. And in regards to her taking on your style...imitation is the highest form of flattery. :) But seriously, as long as it doesn't get out of control to the point where all professionalism is lost, I personally don't see anything wrong with it. If it makes you uncomfortable though, you feel how you feel and you need to speak up in a very gentle way. That would probably make for a very awkward future...so depends on how much this is really bothering you.
ReplyDeleteUs women are strange creatures. LOL.
ReplyDeleteIf I come into contact w/a woman and I admire her look and style, I do try to emulate it or something close to it. In other words, other women influence my style at times, however I would never emulate someone's style so much that it was quite obvious to that person.
Due to her age she could be having a mid~life crisis now {I know, I know...SO cliche.}
I would take it as flattery, however it sounds kinda creepy from your perspective OP.
There really is not much you can do.
It's not like you can sit down w/her and discuss this as if it was a job~related concern.
I would either suck it up and just live w/it or if it REALLY bothers you to the point where you feel really uncomfortable around her, you can always leave.
Hopefully this is as far as things go.
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
ReplyDeleteAw!
ReplyDeleteShe's only 37 not that's not old at all, and between, husband, career, and kids she's probably lost herself a bit her social side and doesn't have any girlfriends to chat with about style and such. She sounds lonely.Maybe you can mention a yoga class or something in your chats. You don't have to attend, but maybe it'll give her an idea and she'll find a new activity and some girlfriends.
So long as you can maintain boundaries. I don't think you need to worry just yet.
I think it is sweet as long as you maintain boundaries and it doesn't slip into stalker territory.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, she's only 37. It's not like she's 60 and trying to look like a 20-something. I mean, if you say you're attractive and stylish, I don't understand how it would look cheap on your MB. I really wouldn't concern myself with it. Look at it as a form of flattery.
ReplyDeleteI find it funny that OP thinks there are jeans that you cannot wear if you are in your 30's.
ReplyDeletethis post is just stupid. It is drama created by OP. Lame.
Creepy. Sounds like a Lifetime Channel movie plot.
ReplyDeleteNot a big deal. Something you can laugh about later.
ReplyDeleteAnd I would just like to say that, while I know it's not always possible, I've managed to be friends with all of the ladies I've been employed by. With the first two, it developed more after, but I see my current boss for game nights and drinks sometimes.
It hasn't bit me in the butt yet, and, honestly, I think it helps to keep a more open dialogue about the kids and establish that base of trust/partnership between the nanny and the parents.