Nanny Sightings Needed
PLEASE INCLUDE THESE DETAILS IN YOUR SUBMISSION:
* Physical description of nanny/caregiver
* Physical description of involved child/children
* Address or venue of observed incident
* Date and time of incident
* Description of what you witnessed
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying caregiver
YOUR SUBMISSIONS MAY BE:
* emailed to isynblog@gmail.com
* Left as an ANONYMOUS comment to this post
* Left as an ANONYMOUS comment here
* (Your identity will be respected and withheld)
NOTE TO READERS:
* There is a ZERO TOLERANCE policy on personal attacks or flaming of those that send in Sightings!
* You may also send in Questions, Nanny/Employer Horror Stories, Rants/Raves, A Day in the Life, and CL-WTF... but please include the ad in your e-mail as they may be removed by the time I get to them!
* Don't forget to check out the ISYN Chatboard... if you ask a question and it is not answered by another Member in a timely fashion, please feel free to e-mail it for Publication on ISYN.
* For Submissions that are TIME SENSITIVE, please let me know in the Subject Line of your e-mail.
* ANONYMOUS COMMENTS WILL BE DELETED! Please remember to pick a Moniker! (a letter, a number, anything!)
* Oh yeah... one more thing: ANONYMOUS COMMENTS WILL BE DELETED!!!!
special thanks to any original posters who may be thinking about posting a nanny sighting - this blog really helps children !
ReplyDelete"I am a human being. Nothing human can be alien to me. And if you know that, then you develop enough courage so that you can stand up for somebody. Maybe you don't know it at the time, but you may be standing up for yourself..."
ReplyDelete- Dr. Maya Angelou, from a recent interview broadcast on MSNBC
EBN - that is great! Quote that awesome lady anytime!
ReplyDeleteThat whole thing was very unsettling to me. I'm glad it's gone. I didn't comment cause I just didn't know what to say O_o
ReplyDeletei commend you wednesday - your understandable discomfort was not expressed in negative unhelpful ways - this blog needs people like you - stick around !
ReplyDeleteI am with you Wednesday. As a follower of this blog for the last seven years, I have never read anything more disgusting or disturbing as that particular post.
ReplyDeletePeople still need to talk about it, obviously, the post did have that effect.
ReplyDeleteEast Bay Nanny is a valuable contributor to this blog and a very professional nanny - she simply needed our help. She did her best to describe something upsetting that happened to her and ask for advice.
I hope any nanny that needs help and support does the same
<3 thank you! I hope others can too! I can move on to my life now :)
ReplyDeleteWishing you all much luck and care in your work!
If anyone needs to discuss the now deleted Post they may do so here. I will remove any further commenting about it from the threads of other Submissions as it is disrespectful to hijack the Post from those OP's.
ReplyDeleteI am still receiving e-mails about it and I don't have the time to read and respond to all of them, so if anyone needs support or to just vent, this would be the thread to do it in.
I have been accused of falling under pressure because I removed the Post. I was also commended for it. There is no pleasing everyone. I had to go with the majority and I am sorry for those angry about that.
It is a very sensitive subject but for those truly victimized, I am not sure a Blog is the place to go for help.
For those that did offer up positive advice, I really do appreciate it, as I am sure there are more than a few Readers here that have had to deal with this in one aspect or another in their lives.
The ugly turn that thread took was ultimately the deciding factor... it was no longer helpful or supportive in any way.
I'm so glad you "took the garbage out." It smells much better in here. :)
ReplyDeleteI commend MMP for taking action & admitting that something slipped past her BS detector. It happens to the best of us.
Now, where were we? :)
great, i will vent right now as i was astonishingly involved in the incident.
ReplyDeletefor anyone who missed it - here is what happened - a regular poster posted a concerning incident she considered to be sexual abuse - she was upset and very graphic - i believe her story - possibly it could have worked better if more tactful and using euphemisms but - she was upset and should not be blamed in any way
there is an element on this site - they post with generic names not recognized monikers that i have had some confrontaions with on their behavior and this element lied and accused the Op of being myself over and over again - really weird
then - the malevolent element re-victimized the Op by accusing the Op of some extremely vile things in my name which cannot and should not be repeated - those people should be ashamed of themselves - really - i personally believe they are better than that-they have to be
there was also a farcical side to it - the nutty posters were accusing texan posters of being transformed into new yorkers and new yorkers into really being texans and they accused EVERYONE of being MPP!!
The Op courageously revealed her identity and i deeply appreciate it as it shows the godawful level that negative element will sink- they are outed and their true nature shown, even though they are capable of better
the only conspiracy theory they did not mention was calling me or the op an alien from outer space coming to take over the world in dec 2012
(little do they know that is the only true one LOL )
Wow ladies and gentlemen, at the end of the day this is MPP's blog and what she posts, removes, etc isn't really our business. If she decides she wants to post only pictures of dandelions, that's her call! If it's upsetting then Myself, or whoever disagrees can create their own blog and can post what they want. My goodness this is out of hand. I am so sorry to whoever was involved in the situation this is referencing, and I'm sorry it quickly careened into a point of dissension on the blog. But it is MPP'S blog so let's respect her decisions.
ReplyDeletei agree future nurse, mpp had no choice
ReplyDeletethe original post itself was reasonable even though the emotion was raw
but - there are 3 or 4 semi-anonymous posters - who - in my name - degenerated the entire post into vile graphic untrue attacks upon the op's thought processes re: children
i would actually like to have a discussion with any of those fine people who are willing to man up - pony up and come on here and - without graphic craziness that needs to be deleted- explain yourself and why you acted in such a way - it could be interesting
RBTC, I understand your feeling like you're owed an explanation for the nastiness imposed upon you yesterday but are you sure you want to challenge it and invite more drama?
ReplyDeleteI kinda agree RBTC, its absurd that people want to behave like that, and I'm in NO WAY standing up for them. However, with people like that, bullies who hide behind anonymity and the internet, there is just no reasoning with them. I definitely get why you feel that you need to talk to them, and that you are deserved an apology, and I can agree and sympathize with that. I just also know that people like that aren't willing to let anyone else have the last word. And remember most of the regulars around here use consistent monikers, AND are willing to have disagreements yet still talk it out. These people don't seem to be regulars, so just like everything else, the ebb and flow of life will take them away from the blog. I know it sucks to be a bigger person, but it shows a lot more for YOUR character.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post, Future Nurse!
ReplyDeleteI get that discussing what the issue was about (and I can't even type it here so that just shows how serious in nature it is!) and there are probably some people here who've been through it so it might help to talk to others here about it. Maybe some are afraid, I don't know, but it's a shame that post had to be taken over by a bunch of trolls.
Someone is stalking the responses. Reminds me of the "op" of the removed post.
ReplyDeleteSomeone thrives on drama.
I think it was smart for MPP to remove the post.
ReplyDeleteAbuse of children has been discussed on this blog before, and posters always receive excellent advice on what to do to protech children.
IMO the original post yesterday was extremely confusing as to the posters intentions , and it is possible that the confusion was innocent, but I can understand why some of the wording left a bad taste in the mouths of many readers. I know it left a bad taste in mine, and I'm sure that contributed to some of the strongly worded responses.
That is not because we here don't take abuse of children seriously it is because we do and don't like the subject to even appear to be taken lightly.
I agree, OceanBlue. I was another who followed the thread but was not at all certain of what to say, so said nothing. The post itself was very confusing. It simply was not clearly written. Maybe the OP was drunk as she later claimed, that could explain it. The thing is, on the internet, there's just no way to know for sure. I agree MPP was right to remove it. Assuming the situation is real, this is not the place to look for help *with such loaded language and unclear intent*. As you said, plenty of help has been given on this site for those seeking to help abused children-- when it is clear that is what is happening.
DeleteI also think there's something to be said for ignoring false accusers, RBTC. As my mother always told me, and I now tell my charges, sometimes the best thing to do is ignore the person who's trying to hurt you. I think you would come off looking better in the end. Just my unsolicited advice :)
I have no idea why that thread progressed into an attack on RBTC.
ReplyDeleteI can understand why many do not like that particular poster, but to accuse RBTC of what she was accused of in the original post is a very strong accusation even for someone you don't like.
Simply put it was wrong and not fair.
I'm sorry that more of us didn't speak up when that was happening.
I'm sorry I didn't speak up RBTC.
I understand it is always hard to know when to speak up and when to stay silent. IME on here with malevolent posters, it is sometimes worth stating your opinion once, but not worth engaging in further dialogue once things clearly devolve as that post did.
ReplyDeleteAs others wrote above, there is no reasoning with people without reason. There are clearly one or two truly unkind and intentionally provocative posters who never use a consistent moniker, never apologize for errors, and are incapable of engaging in meaningful dialogue. There used to be a similar poster a couple of years ago who at least used the same moniker and my policy became to NEVER engage with her if I could avoid it. It was a healthier approach and possible since she had the backbone to use the same identity. However, with this person constantly attempting to subvert detection and appear to be multiple posters, that is sometimes hard to pick up in the first one or two replies. But once you know it is that person, simply do not respond further.
I always knew East Bay Nanny was strange. Now she gets drunk & posts her fantasy on ISYN. She is worse than I thought. I've been ignoring her for a while now. So no loss to me.
ReplyDeletesaid -- were you one of the posters who revictimized the Op and falsely accused 2 people? If you are, let me know i would like to address you on that
ReplyDeleteand - to the poster who said - why stand up to accusers instead of ingore them?
the deleted thread is the answer, and what a terrible answer - that is what happens when you do not stand up
and ocean blue stated one of the most valuable things that can be stated - a thread like that is what happens when we stand by and do not speak up
it may not have gotten so bad if i had been in town but i did not get home from traveling until it had degenerated beyond repair, boy what a shock
more than one poster has come on here before and said they like drama and controversy - and we have seen the nature of the malevolent group. I have noticed that they very specifically look for threads to grab with virulent non rational attacks
If the postive ones of us speak up more - they fail - one of them commented that i was not there to support the Op positively -( i was working) ergo - i must be the Op
I am really sorry i was not there to support the Op, i will ALWAYS find something positive about the Op and speak up if an Op is being bashed - i am here for the long haul on that
It takes alot of courage to come forward and tell about a feeling of violation - and how many women have then been revictimized and accused of worse - just like the Op
such a thing should never have happened on a blog with professional nannies
i personally do not want an apology - the anonymous group that went into that dark evil place do not have a sense of good and evil - but i will personally apologize to the Op on behalf of everyone on the blog - those who flasely accused her and those who stood by - she was treated pretty badly
a good illustration of why to stand up for yourself is at the top of this page by maya angelou but another quote is by pastor niemoller during ww2
" they came for the communists and i was not one so i said nothing, they came for the socialists and i was not one so i said nothing...by the time they came for me there was no one left to speak up "
MPP very specifically said this thread is to discuss the deleted thread ---
so ---anonymous cowards - any of you guys want to come forward and discuss your actions?
you pretty brave last night !
RBTC - it's really me here - not a vulnerable Op - read the initials - i am not hiding - so let's talk !
ok, what smiles just wrote is outrageous - it's really going to be sad if that group comes back and turns this thread into another problem
ReplyDeletesmiles - you are a coward and a liar
i am ashamed of you - what if someone treated your mother or sister the way you are treating EBN - how would you feel?
you arecrossing a very wrong line - i hope this is not allowed to happen (again)
If my mother or sister did what she did, I would hope they would be called to the carpet. Stop acting like you run this place. You're maniacal.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how long EBN has had a drinking problem.
smiles - how long have you needed an exorcism?
ReplyDeleteSince your heathen self jumped into my soul you dirty bitch.
ReplyDeleteBUT I HAVE A CATERING COMPANY!!!!
ReplyDeleteOk, so...what the heck was the original post about?!
ReplyDeleteok, here they are - they could not stay away, there are still maybe one or 2 more
ReplyDeleteyou guys are liars and cowards - i don't care about the weird, disturbed accusations you make about me
but when you dragged an innocent party thru the vile garbage in my name you really showed who you are
you both are very transparent - i can see right thru you
we have a saying for people like you in the south
" Bless your little hearts"
RBTC, I'm sorry if this offends you, but I think it needs to be said. Plenty of things can be said about the other post, but that you and the OP did not "stand up" is not one of those things. I truly think it would have gone very differently if the two of you were not so adamant about defending yourselves against every single solitary statement against you.
ReplyDelete"The lady doth protest too much" is the feeling others get from you, whether fair or unfair.
I learned a lot from last night. East bay nanny has a drinking problem & mental issues. RBTC is straight up cray cray.
ReplyDeleteOff topic but kinda not. I used to proudly tell other nannies, MB, etc about this blog, because I thought it had an amazing mission... Protect children and gain professional companions in a field where we are often segregated. But in the last few weeks, but more specifically the last 24 hours I am ASHAMED of some of the actions on here. I hate to keep commenting on this thread and honestly I'll probably open myself to attack but we are all PROFESSIONAL ADULTS. And this is not acting like it. Name calling, bullying, low blows? I expect catty high school girls to act like that. I am absolutely APPALLED by this name calling and mud slinging. Bipolar is a mental disorder caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. It is not something you throw around as an insult and that is the second time I have read it used as such on this blog. I think we ALL, myself included need to clean our own houses before throwing stones at others. I don't necessarily agree with everything everyone here says but I will respectfully assert my own option rather than name calling. Guys come on. Hate whoever you want, if you need to hate a faceless person you have never met. But don't bully them! It doesn't feel good when it's done to you so don't do it to them.
ReplyDeletealetheia - pretty name - you know, it was an interesting situation, - EBN had 2 traits that are similar to mine - a caustic gallows humor - which many people do not like on here
ReplyDeleteand - yes - as an Op - she addressed many of the posters directly - she and i are actually not the only posters to do that
now - there are people who do not like those traits - they have the right not to - no problem
but i am sure you agree that just dislikeing a poster does not give people the right to drag everyone thru vile and filth
please note: i spent almost 2 years keeping a low profile and i got enough of the malevolent element and i will address them - sorry, it won't change
this blog is here to help children-thank you for a reasonable calm comment
Future nurse is right about one thing. She does need to clean up her house before throwing stones.
ReplyDeletefuture nurse:
ReplyDeleteyou are absolutely right - when you stand up to the bad element and tell the truth they will attack you
nursing is a very valuable profession - there are not enough of them - you will always be employed !
Thank you, I just can't stand by when it gets to the point of serious bullying. :) and to the person who asked, just remember this when the lowly nurse aids you in returning to health after a heart attack, or takes care of your spouse after a car accident, or takes care of your child after a ruptured appendix.
DeleteWhy is everyone so mean?? No one would say this stuff to a person's face.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's the addiction to the adrenaline you get when you know you're going to say something that is going to start drama or hurt people. That's right we're P.E.O.P. L.E. Not computers. We have feelings... We like to think we don't care what people say but it still hurts. I'm not talking about anyone specific but all of us.
So....i guess that's all I have to say.
Thanks, RBTC-- it's not my real name, just an ancient Greek word/concept that holds personal meaning for me :)
ReplyDeleteI do agree that the accusations were excessive and mean-spirited. The thing is, if certain posters believed their accusations to be true, the way they handled themselves was counter-productive and helped no one. If they believed such things to be true, emailing MPP directly and calmly would have been the logical course of action. Or simply stating "I believe this should be taken down, as the OP seems to have ulterior motives" or something along those lines. Insulting others generally gets you nowhere, and is not the best way to handle conflict.
I do understand your desire to address each point and not let insults slide. We can agree to disagree on the best way to handle these things--and, after all, a lot of it comes down to personality.
We definitely agree that the main purpose of the blog is a great one-- to help children! I enjoy the discussions, even though I don't comment as often as others. I don't mind the disagreements either, as long as they don't devolve into arguments about nothing. Obviously nobody is perfect, and everyone gets riled up occasionally, and even justifiably at times. I think the truth, though, is that people are rarely swayed by argument, so we should simply treat each other with as much respect as possible and state our opinions clearly and reasonably.
Althea: YES! Those are my thoughts exactly. Most of us have been name-called at one point or another on this site. If you ignore them, or maybe don't respond to every little comment, the nay-sayers let up and go away because they aren't getting the reactions they desire.
ReplyDeleteIts very hard for first year nurses to find a job in California. There are too many. I think the economy tanking gave a lot of people the chance to go back to college.
ReplyDeleteI must say I love a good nurse. A doctor I see for a few minutes. But the nurses are the ones that make a big difference. I was in labor so long with my last pregnancy that I went through four nurses shifts. The last one was awful & I had to ignore her. Some people don't value nurses until they really need them.
I agree that its not a great idea to respond to every comment about you. But easier said than done, when its not me being talked about! I like the saying, "don't feed the trolls."
Since we know who it was, I hope she doesn't leave. One of her posts sounded like she was leaving?! I value her opinions and hope she isn't scared away. I think the drinking made the communication awkward. It can be very hard to know what people mean through the internet. You add drinking to it & its a mess. I'm going to just forget the whole thing. I have no way of knowing where she was comming from. The whole thing confused my febile mind! :)
wednesday - you said something very wise - it is a point i was going to bring up at some point
ReplyDeletethe three or four irrational bad guys have an anger management issue - they are addicted to anger- they use words like "hate" and 'loathe"
andger and negative emotions can sometimes produce adrenaline and endorphins - endorphins can also be produced by chocolate or a runner's "high"
the nutty group is addicted to the behavior. They used to be able to geet their fix with a poster named phoenix and also a columnist named rebecca. i was posting also then but i was a small fish for the evil ones LOL
but without those 2 here - they have made themselves my unwanted pets following me around the blog
they could not find me yesterday so they projected insults meant for me onto someone else
so - i guess i'm stuck with them for now until they find another mark LOL
I had one beer (Lagunitas) and a Dark n'Stormy (Pyrat rum). I've needed several others since then. I was not wearing tight fitting pants or a lowcut blouse. This post had very little to do with intoxication. It had everything to do with potential child abuse and the emition that comes along with being violated (in a profound way). Not my words in fact. But MPP seems to have understood originally. Why this blogged is allowed to be run over by trolls is a mystery. I am certain at this point however that some trolls here are using conversations about children to get off. There are predators everywhere. There are some here. MPP has a lot to figure out. Inwas silenced like no one has been before.
ReplyDeleteThe only way you can be certain that people here are using conversations about children to get off is if it IS YOU.
DeleteI was silenced like no one on this blog has been before. However the silencing is a classic reaction. I won't be silent. In fact all said and done, unless MPP makes me the first blocked contributor, I am determined to watch this blog more carefully than ever before. It would be a whole lot easier on MPP if I just disappeared. I've rocked a boat that was too much. I'm even suspect to the blog's moderator! Hmmmm...
ReplyDeleteEBN - i completely agree with you, you did nothing wrong, you were violated,then you were reviolated by the blog, there is no excuse for it- and having some refreshments off of work is the american way - you are entitled to have a fine time responsibly - designated driver etc.
ReplyDeleteit is this simple - there are posters on the blog that do not like the blog and want to hurt the Ops, i have been thru it, that's all - they do this kind of thing frequently, not just to you
thank you for being so brave - you have guts and cajones - keep it up
** as EBN is at home, rbtc passes her a heinekin and 2 slices of pepperoni pizza***
Anonymous, the reason anonymous comments are disallowed is because the past has shown how very confusing it is to have multiple posts from "anonymous." Can you imagine ten people with the same handle? Having to say what time the anonymous poster posted the comment that you're responding to (so people can try to figure out who you're talking to) would be really annoying & would likely ruin the blog for some. So the way I look at it, she is doing us a favor.
ReplyDeleteYou're still allowed to post anonymously. You don't ever have to share your identity. And you can also change your moniker if you get tired of it. You're not even required to register to post. I think MPP is wise to reject anonymous comments.
And I have no idea why you would call her a bad moderator. It doesn't matter much what anyone thinks anyway because this is her playground. She makes all the rules & isn't here to please anyone. If you don't like it, you can always make your own blog up & run it in a way the pleases yourself.
East bay nanny if the drinking didn't affect your posting, why did you mention it? Didn't you say it did & now you're taking it back? Do you drink often?
ReplyDeleteEBN - i just had a thought which might make you feel better - because you were brave enough to post and confront the posters who then cyber/sexually abused you - you exposed them for what they are and what they are capable of
ReplyDeletebefore this, they attacked individuals, kind of smash and grab guerilla tactic but now - while attacking you ( and me ) - they pulled everyone who read the thread thru their disturbed mentality as they say in england - a short sharp shock
you exposed them and now everyone is aware of them - maybe something can finally be done - we'll see
anyhow - thank you for your bravery
RBTC- I'm also very appreciative of the energy you've dedicated to this blog today. I'm hoping it made some difference but not holding my breath. Thank you for your personal support. It has meant a lot.
ReplyDeleteEast Bay Nanny I have a question for you. With as many years as you have in child care, how could you not know how to handle this? Everyone knows there are phone numbers you can call to report suspected abuse. Why wouldn't you just call if you suspect abuse? And honestly I was extremely put off by your graphic sexual discription. It came off like you enjoyed it. A lot. Just being honest. I know I'm not the only one. And no, RBTC I do not need you to rewspond to this post. I can survive without your opinion.
ReplyDeletehmm - i am going to give my 3 cents about your question, apologies to EBN if i am mistepping
ReplyDeletefrom what i understand she may have had a couple of drinks while posting about an incident that was extremely upsetting to her - she was reaching out for help
i saw the post briefly while super tired from a 15 hour work day- i wish i could read it again to try to understand it better,but it was emotional and raw yet in some ways restrained using euphemisms like "right there' and such, it may have been more acceptable if she had waited till there was no emotion but she was still not wrong
the post was not nearly as concerning as the degenerate posts which followed from the bad seed crowd - it would be interesting to know what chemicals they are on - and if they are on no meds let get them some !
Sonce when is it acceptable to make a mokery out of medication usage?
DeleteHow were you silenced east bay? You have this whole thread to speak up. You act like you were dragged into an alley and raped. How dare you behave this way when the "violation" was from a 5yo. I feel sorry for the real victims, not YOU! And RBTC,your just egging her on. This is so pathetic!
ReplyDeleteI will not respond either. I'm finished clarifying and defending.
ReplyDeleteRBTC, I find it interesting that you find it acceptable to insult others at your whim, but fight tooth and nail against those who insult you--when you are doing the same thing. You know, you may not accuse them of specific things as they have accused you, but you have called them evil, bad seeds, malevolent, degenerate, etc-- and now you are bringing mental illness into this as an insult!
ReplyDeleteRBTC. Serious question. Do you have a mental disorder, are you on diet pills or something? You can't stop yourself.
ReplyDeleteyawn, i am going to try and reason with you ( just call me don quixote ! ) but you are worth the effort so here goes--
ReplyDeleteanyone who is touched inappropriately has the right to tell, to speak up, to ask for advice, it does not matter who does the wrong action
{ please be reasonable and not re-iterate the exact details because there are elements on the blog who use the facts to post garbage}
in the past, women who "told" were silenced, ridiculed, and even accused of "wanting" it, "enjoying" it
our society has progressed beyond that, everyone from phil donohue, oprah winfrey and dr phil would probably agree --
EBN was not treated right
**ouch ! ouch !! ouch !**
rbtc runs away from windmills banging her toosh !!!
I didn't ask you so I'm going to skip your answer. If I wanted to ask you, I would have.
DeleteRBTC isn't being helpful at all. She is just being controlling and she wants to hear herself talk. She couldn't care less about eastbaynanny.
ReplyDeleteTruth, you nailed it!
ReplyDeleteI so wish it was in the past. This is America over here RBTC- remember?
ReplyDeleteCan we stop saying that EBN was victimized.
ReplyDeleteShe posted about a 5 year old and she is supposedly a 37 year old adult.
I do not like children being suggested as agressors in matters that concern adults and sexual abuse.
That line of thought does not sit well with me.
It is part of the reason I found the original thread that this one stems from extremely offensive, and glad it was removed.
EastBayNanny-- I, too, wish you would explain why you blamed it on the alcohol last night, but now say otherwise.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what do you mean by this? "I was not wearing tight fitting pants or a lowcut blouse." When you were drinking? When the incident occurred? What does this have to do with anything?
And this statement-- "I am certain at this point however that some trolls here are using conversations about children to get off." You are now lashing out with the exact same attack that was used against you! What's that about?
"MPP has a lot to figure out." Like what, exactly? Specifically? Why are you insulting MPP?
I could go on, but I don't believe you will answer in a coherent fashion, so I think I'll stop. If you answer clearly, I'm sure many others would appreciate it, and I know I would. I am not accusing you of anything, simply trying to understand.
I owe you and this blog nothing. The opportunity for meaningful understanding has passed as far as I'm concerned. Perhaps next round there will be room for it. I kinda doubt it.
ReplyDeleteKatydid- I did NOT say this child is a perpetrator. In fact I posted that that was NOT how I felt. Stop abusing this situation NOW.
ReplyDeleteBut in fairness you DID imply it, when you said you weren't wearing a low cut blouse or tight pants.
DeleteHow would that affect a three year old? That statement also implies that you believe a three year old can get turned on by how an adult dresses-yikes!
Simple clairification would be helpful. But with clairification, people would move on. So, I'm not holding my breath. :p
Alethia - i am going to answer you - i am not usually as vocal with the - yes - bad seed crowd - they follow me around like rottweilers and i usually poke fun at them,ignore them, pre-empt them,sometimes i confuse them - they really are not the brightest bulbs in the pack
ReplyDeleteIn this case - i am not sure if you saw the deleted post or not?
if you did not see it it's beyond words - so let me be clear if i have not been
the small yet disturbed group that degenerated EBN's post into unspeakable vile ( they did this in my name )
are-- liars,cowards, morally bankrupt,disturbed turmagents and harpies
they created a new low for themselves and in this case, on this thread, i am responding IN KIND and name calling
Miss
altheiea - anything i have said to the bad seeds is like a gentle lullaby compared to their behavior on the deleted thread
thank you for your post
Eastbay was not silenced.
ReplyDeleteShe was given good advice by many in the original thread on finding people who could help her cope with her feelings of violation, and for getting help for a child that may have been abused.
She seemed more interested in finding stories of violations.
Call me a prude or whatever you will but there is something extremely strange to me about an adult wanting to swap stories of violations of or by children.
Strange. I will not call her or anyone else a pedophile as that is a very serious charge.
But, I also will not be bullied into saying that annything about that original post came across as a serious request for support and help.
"The opportunity for meaningful understanding has passed"? If so, only because you refuse to dialogue in a way that others can follow. I simply asked you to clarify your previous words. What's so wrong with that? Why won't you explain what you mean? This is why people were accusing you-- you will not make yourself understandable. You are being purposefully vague and that does not sit well when speaking of such serious matters. I never said you owed me or the blog anything, but for your own sake, you should just speak clearly! This is frustrating. See, now I'm getting riled up. I just don't understand your motivations. I wish you would explain but apparently you won't. It's your choice, but don't be surprised that others are suspicious of you when you talk in riddles and avoid reasonable questions.
ReplyDeleteSomeone here did suggest such a thing, and I truly have no tolerance for it.
ReplyDeletePerhaps that was not your intention when you wrote the post, but honestly that is what it came across to me as.
That is what it felt like.
I guess if you wrote it at a time you were not coherant, it makes sense that it was difficult for others to understand the point you wanted to make.
I wish you had posted it at a different time when you were able to express yourself more clearly.
The topic may have been beneficial.
If you don't agree with RBTC she will go off with the childish name calling.
ReplyDeleteShe is the biggest hypocrite here.
EastBayNanny just wanted to hear other stories. She even emphasized that. Typical sick behavior. She even said she is CERTAIN someone is getting off on the posts. Certain? Who? Her? Her man? You're only certain if you see it yourself.
Two people I would not care to know in the real world.
Self-centered doesn't even begin to describe them teo.
EBN - let me know if you wish me to not defend you
ReplyDeleteyou are being given a raw deal - your experience was unususal and a new one for the blog, but very valid
they cannot handle dealing with it in a professional way at this time - this could change in the future
it is clear that no one on here is qualified to deal with your experience professionally - but you were not wrong to try as when the positive posters give advice they are great
your accusers are not right they are wrong
RBTC-- Did you miss where EastBayNanny accused others of the exact same "vile" thing of which she was accused? Why do you only defend her, and not call her out when she is wrong?
ReplyDeleteAnd I respectfully disagree that you are "not usually as vocal with the - yes - bad seed crowd". It seems to me that most of your posts are defensive and/or calling others out. I know you disagree with me about ignoring people, but when most of your posts are about this, you give them power over you, and your opinions on the actual issues are lost.
By being the only person ever posted by the moderator and then un-posted after she was bullied "by the majority" to remove my post I was silenced in a big way. Iwas not allowed opportunity to clarify the "inconsistency" in my post that caused the moderator to be convinced that I was a potential pedophile. In fact there was very little space for dialogue at all because the blog (and her email) was so jammed with garbage. Had I been asked straight up by the moderator or others about "inconsistencies" in my story we may have been able to "understand" one another better. I was not allowed this opportunity. I will not open myself to the trolls that rule this blog and certainly will not ask for advice from this group again.
ReplyDelete***rbtc hands EBN one more ( only one more lol ) heinekin and a fudge brownie with vanilla ice cream and hot fudge for dessert***
ReplyDelete( i was a waitress for 12 years )
OH MY GOD. You can turn any post, any at all into a post about YOU.
DeleteWho cares that you were a waitress for 12 years? Do you ever stop rambling on and on about yourself? Ever? You wear out your welcome in record time.
I don't post here often, but reading this thread, I thought I would chime in. I saw the post last night and I will say that I personally saw nothing wrong with it. If something like that happened to me, I would probably seek an outlet to talk about it because I would very reasonably be disturbed by it. I didn't see anything that hinted at pedophilia from the post at all, but it's a touchy subject and I understand how some people could be offended by it.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, the aggression that has been shown on this thread (from both sides) has just been leading to more misunderstanding and anger. I think it would be awesome if EastBay could answer a few more questions about what happened. I don't expect her to take any abuse from any of the nastier posters here, but the questions Aletheia asked earlier were good questions and I feel like, if they were answered, it might clear things up a little bit. But Eastbay, please don't take this as me saying that you have to - you aren't obligated to explain yourself to any of us. I just think that some of us are genuinely wanting to know what truly happened.
I've decided to ignore RBTC and East Bay Nanny outside of this thread. RBTC is obsessive, vile & self-centered. I have no use for people like that. I've always sensed that something wasn't right with East Bay Nanny. She rarely makes sense. That's what drinking will do to a person. She has convinced me that she gets off on hearing stories about children. I don't need to explain why I will be ignoring her.
ReplyDeleteI agree Aletheia.
ReplyDeleteWhat did you mean by your original post?
I believe that is the heart of the issue that many people did not understand what you wrote.
It honestly came across as a very sick joke.
If you still have a copy of what you wrote go back and take a look at it with fresh eyes , and I'm sure you'll see how confusing and concerning it was to many readers.
The being vague and answering in riddles, and lashing out at anyone that asks you a valid question makes you seem like a troll out to stir up controversy and drama.
I don't think that is what you want to do.
So, if you can, please explain what you wanted to accomplish with the post.
**EastBayNanny chugs it down* cheers! But no brownie for me- those things can kill you ;)
ReplyDeleteEastBayNanny, you were asked many reasonable questions, both yesterday and on this thread, and did not answer or answered in a vague and indecipherable manner. You had every opportunity to straighten it out before it got so far out of hand. Now I did not see the tail end of what happened with the other post, but I saw most of it. You could have ignored the accusations and just clarified the things people were legitimately asking you, and saved yourself and the rest of us a world of confusion.
ReplyDeleteAs far as not asking for advice again, that's your loss, in my opinion. Even last night you received LOTS of good advice. If you deny that then I just don't know what to tell you.
I too wish my post and the subsequent posts were available for all to reference. They are not.
ReplyDeleteEBN - i am going to --gently-- disagree with you only slightly because i am on your side
ReplyDeleteonce the "bad seed" crowd degenerated your reasonable post into unexcusable disturbed malevolent garbage - mpp had no choice
i will not forget they were doing it specifically because they thought you were me
but your point is profound - you are at an extremely unfair disadvantage because we cannot refer to your post to clarify
also - many of these hatorade crowd members are doing the "semantic" game - they are quoting you on what they think you said blah blah
they castigate you if you DO defend yourself and then lambaste you when they do not understand your point
you are doing well with them - you have them on the run - they hate that
do not forget - their basic agenda is they hate the blog - they are usuing you to scare away Ops - that is always their bottom line - as well as the endorphin addiction of course
stay strong
RBTC, do you really think all of us hate the blog and are trying to shut it down by attacking OPs? Me, Aletheia, all of us? Many of us here are simply asking questions. Not all of us are attacking or accusing anyone. We would just like clarification.
ReplyDeleteYes I believe I see what you see. Reminds me of when I lived on the Mexican border and what I saw when I turned on the light in the middle of the night... creep out.
ReplyDelete"also - many of these hatorade crowd members are doing the "semantic" game - they are quoting you on what they think you said blah blah
ReplyDeletethey castigate you if you DO defend yourself and then lambaste you when they do not understand your point"
RBTC, it seems that you are referring to me and how I have quoted--verbatim--EastBayNanny's posts in an effort to allow her to clarify her thoughts. If that is so, please be so kind as to acknowledge me directly. If you have a problem with me asking for clarification, please let me know what that problem could possibly be. Am I now on your bad side and considered a "bad seed" simply because I have questions for someone you've decided is nearly infallible? Again I ask you: Why don't you call her out on accusing others of the exact same "vile" thing of which she was accused?
EBN - you just made me laugh really hard - the brownie will kill you !
ReplyDeleteyou had a very bad thing happen and you reacted emotionally and some people could not handle it
also - as happens with women thru out history who relate this type of thing - you are being censured and that is emotional
also - some of the posters are asking reasonable questions - altheiea et al but they expect you to answer them in a collegeate sequenced manner at the exact same time that you are being excoriated and trounced malevolently thru no fault of your own
do your best and stay strong
Special thanks to 'aria' who noted the original post was not wrong or bad
Because they are the same person. Altheia.
ReplyDeleteI think the thing that stands out to me as odd from the original post was how you said you felt ashamed, and violated and were being kept up at night stressing over the situation.
ReplyDeleteThat to me was not a typical reaction.
I only know off one other person who had the same reaction to a situation like your's and she later revealed that the situation had triggered memories of abuse from her own childhood.
Perhaps that is the case with you.
I'm not asking you if that is the case that is your business alone.
I said I believed there are pedophiles on this blog. I am not accusing anyone personally. Crucial difference.I find it incredibly ironic that no one thus far has considered the hypocrisy of gossiping about a posted picture of a naked child, discussing using the bathroom with them, accusing others (including me) of having "body issues" for being cautious about parading children naked in public for a quick or not so quick change, believing that its appropriate to call CPS on a mom because her house is dirty, trashing me because I was in welfare, and then they turn around and persecute me for bringing up a potential incident of true abuse- this group is ...
ReplyDeletealtheia-- i just sent a post to her asking her to try to take the time to calmly answer you questions, but she is not obligated at all, she has been thru a rough time
ReplyDeleteShe is in an untenable position - she has been accused of godknowswhat, her post deleted and now she is being called out to answer her deleted post
by yourself and several other people
have some compassion
EBN - they really hate it when you use logic and facts - keep it up
ReplyDeletei hope you don't run away - they have really done a number on you
Also, thank you to Aria, Susannah, and any I missed, for your kind words, and also asking EastBayNanny for clarification. I don't understand what is so wrong with our questions, but I've given up any hope that they will be answered.
ReplyDeleteRBTC, again you reference me but do not respond to me. I am not calling you names. I am not accusing you of anything. I am simply asking you questions. In answer to your claim, I do not "expect [EastBayNanny] to answer [my questions] in a collegeate [sic] sequenced manner", nor do I believe that anyone else does. I am simply asking for answers that are coherent.
EastBayNanny, all that your answers on this thread have done is further confuse the matter, in my opinion. I hope you take the good advice you received last night and put it to use.
Claire- you're definitely onto something. The incidiary reaction of some is very possibly the reaction of those who have been triggered by the subject matter. Sexual abuse is prevalent . Let's be sure to stick to naked children on potties and bad mothers!
ReplyDeleteHow did you send her a post ?
ReplyDeleteShe is not a registered member.
Aletheia - i have addressed you directly several times ;0)
ReplyDeletepeace - thank you for you participation and ideas
You're a quicker post than I, RBTC, so thank you for responding to me, and I take back what I said about you not doing so. I honestly am not trying to "call her out" on anything. I was simply asking her to clarify so that we all COULD understand and "all just get along" haha. I have not accused her of anything other than being unclear. I am not lacking in compassion. I am lacking in understanding of what her posts mean. I am sure she is in an uncomfortable position, both on here and in her job. I just think that clarity would solve the issues.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm done .
ReplyDeleteIt is clear RBTC & East Bay both have a problem with the blog.
I suggest you either leave or take it up with MPP.
I tried to be understanding, even in your original post.
But it appears that is not what either of you want.
You want war. Well suit yourselves.
I hope you get your wish.
I'm done with this post.
I feel like pulling my hair out! Then pulling out RBTC's, then EBN's!
ReplyDeleteEBN, all you have to do to re-read this lost deleted post of yours (and never to be found again so you can answer these questions!) is look in the SENT section of your e-mail to ISYN! Right there, right there is your post! Found it!!
And to RBTC: "they expect you to answer them in a collegeate sequenced manner at the exact same time" -- BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT EBN DID LAST NIGHT! Some even accused her of stalking her own post because she answered each post in specific order. Why can't she do that now? Why is she being so damn vague? I swear the both of you are such drama queens and seriously need to get a life!!
It's not MY job or MY responsibility to help you understand. You're out of line for continuing to trash me and blame me for your lack of comprehension. Clarity will not solve this issue. Clarity COULD help educate some, but again that opportunity is lost per the wishes of those who have been in touch with MMP and MMP's impossible choice to pull the exchange down. MMP has made a choice, and I am working hard to respect her choice by not continuing to feed ...
ReplyDeleteIt's not MY job or MY responsibility to help you understand. You're out of line for continuing to trash me and blame me for your lack of comprehension. Clarity will not solve this issue. Clarity COULD help educate some, but again that opportunity is lost per the wishes of those who have been in touch with MMP and MMP's impossible choice to pull the exchange down. MMP has made a choice, and I am working hard to respect her choice by not continuing to feed ...
ReplyDelete^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
ReplyDeleteEBN being "vague" again.
I think had you posted I believe one of the children I am caring for is being abused you would have gotten a vastly different response.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember your original post?
It started off very dramatically.
It's hard to take those types of introductory paragraphs seriously.
Also you were given suggestions on how to deal with suspected abuse but those seemed to be ignored.
I honestly do not see the sense it sharing stories of charges we thought were abused, or instances of when a charge touched our private areas.
That does not seem like a helpful method of helping nannies recognize and help children who are being abused.
Hahahaha ok I'm done. I wave the white flag of surrender. I will not ask you any more questions about THINGS YOU SAID TONIGHT ON THIS VERY POST WHICH WERE INCREDIBLY AND, I NOW BELIEVE, PURPOSEFULLY VAGUE! Sorry for the internet yell- I'm just so frustrated by this exchange! I don't understand why you continue to post, EastBayNanny, when you're ***not saying anything***!
ReplyDeleteAletheia - peace - keep trucking we will work it out
ReplyDeleteugh - please try not to let yourself get violent with hair pulling etc - this just hurts your health - best wishes
we have all been giving opinions, expressing ourselves and that is what mpp asked for - it's better we do it here than stalk on other threads ( as happened to me and EBN )
Obviously others felt the same way which is why the motives of that original thread were questioned?
ReplyDeleteWhy did you feel such an exchange would be beneficial?
I agree completely, Susannah! Very well said.
ReplyDeleteSusannah, I will respectfully disagree with you there about that not being useful. I do agree with you on the point of it not being helpful to children being abused, but I do see some value in it for nannies that have been in that situation to see that they aren't the only ones. Also, there are young nannies on here (like myself) who haven't been in those kinds of situations yet and would find it beneficial to see how more experienced nannies dealt with it professionally. That being said, I'm not naive enough to think that there aren't people in the world who would enjoy reading those stories for more sinister reasons. (I don't think, for the record, that any of those people are frequent readers or contributors of this blog.) I just think that since this blog often serves as a place for nannies to support one another, it's a shame that this thread and the previous one turned out the way they did. I would have learned a lot from appropriate, tactful discourse on the subject.
ReplyDeleteJeez, I just don't get it. This is just too weird! EBN claims to have been silenced. She has the floor here and able to explain or discuss her feelings how she wishes, yet now she rambles on and on without making sense. So much for being silenced!
ReplyDeleteNo, you do not have to clarify.
ReplyDeleteBut why not do so when many of us want to be educated and understand your line of thought.
MPP hasn't told us we couldn't discuss that thread, it is my understanding we are not to drag it into other postings.
Aria- very sad indeed.
ReplyDeleteCurious- but you're such an inviting person to talk to aren't you? Why ever would I not open up?
ReplyDeletearia - incredibly well written - what degree are you going for?
ReplyDeleteRBTC, thank you. :) I'm working towards an associates in Early Childhood Education right now.
ReplyDeleteSusannah, its the first line in MPPs post up top "If anyone needs to discuss the now deleted Post they may do so here". I've tried to avoid getting into the fray but I wonder if there can be any discussions made without accusations. I'm sure there are a few here that would benefit. But I really do take issue with EBN acting out so dramatically over what a child did. I'm sorry, but it's one or two things really: he was innocently curious, or he may be abused himself and was copying that behavior. Then from that we could have a discussion.
ReplyDeleteAria,
ReplyDeleteWe can agree to disagree, nothing wrong with that.
I think a post on spying the signs of abuse and the appropriate course of action is long over do.
It's something everyone and especially those that care for children should have knowledge of.
But I think that can be accomplished without details of past instances.
As a general rule of thumb if you suspect a child is being abused report it to the authorities in the area most have a hotline you can call and are able to aswer any questions and concerns you have.
It is also not uncommon for young children to be grabby sometimes this just a function of their motor skills other times it is because they are learning about their bodies and appropriate social boundaries.
If it occurs you make it clear that that kind of touching isn't acceptable, without scaring or shaming the child. Most children catch on quickly.
To protect yourself document the incident.
@ Thank you nc nanny.
ReplyDeleteI thought it would be ok to discuss.
I mostly agree with your assesment of the situation, but I have now decided to give East Bay to explain herself more clearly, as well as her position her method of disussing abuse.
It appears she does not what to do that.
Susannah, best post in the bunch. Thanks for clarifying what many may not know what to do. Or, in the instance of just being shocked, will know how to react. We must be very careful how we react that we don't shame or scare a child when they touch inappropriately.
ReplyDeleteSusannah, thanks for the information! I really would be interested in a discussion about the signs that a child is being abused. Also, I can imagine how hard it would be if you saw some sign of potential abuse, but had no concrete proof. It's a really big thing to accuse someone of abusing a child, so it would be a step I would be hesitant to take unless I was sure. No one ever wants a child to get hurt, but no one ever wants to accidentally start an investigation into a situation where nothing is actually wrong.
ReplyDeleteToo bad the other thread didn't turn out like this one. Finally some decent respectful posters asking genuine questions. Its a breath of fresh air. Kudos to the lot of you!
ReplyDeleteI agree, this latest turn in the discussion is most welcome.
ReplyDeleteI volunteer with young children on the weekends, and have the benefit of a great relationship with the director of the program, who is wonderful and has given me excellent advice and support in the past when I needed it for situations outside the program. I encourage you all to consider volunteering with kids, also, as there is always a program which needs help, and you can also expand your childcare contacts and find support in person when you need it. (And of course we all have loads of free time, haha;)
Within the volunteer program, whenever we suspect abuse, we ask the director to come see what is happening-- excessive bruises or bruises in the diaper area, big changes in behavior/personality, signs of neglect, extreme unease/upset with diaper changes or toileting, etc. The director then makes the decision if a call should be made, and places any necessary calls.
Aletheia, that's really nice that there is a buffer in place to protect nannies from making false allegations. I am kind of intimidated by the giant leap between seeing something suspicious and immediately involving the cops. As far as I know, that seems to be what a nanny is supposed to do - after all, the nanny's bosses are the parents, who may be the ones she suspects of abuse. It seems like a great way to accidentally get innocent people in trouble (and lose your job, although of course that's not the primary concern here). It would be really nice if nannies had that buffer, an authority figure like a director who would make an informed decision about whether to involve police or not.
ReplyDeleteThis blog usually has a little drama, but this is INSANE!! If the subject matter wasn't so icky it almost would be funny. By now I'm convinced that RTBC and East Bay Nanny are the same person, I'm just not sure if that person is a middle-aged pedo or an incredibly bored teenager.
ReplyDeleteI took the post seriously at first, but the longer this goes on, the more it stinks! OP(s), if you're so offended MPP deleted your post/feel you were "silenced", why are you sticking around this place? You'll still be here posting next week. And for someone(s) so consumed with a big emotional crisis you're pretty easily distracted, arguing with strangers on a blog about stupid stuff!
Yeah it's ALMOST amusing, not quite. Next time try harder. hopefully ISYN will be back soon :)
Oh yeah MPP you're awesome! I felt kind of sad when I read "I've never deleted a submission before", like you felt bad or something?! Well please don't feel bad or even like you have to explain. In a perfect world you wouldn't have to delete submissions, but you know what? sometimes people are just out to cause trouble.
ReplyDeleteAria,
ReplyDeleteYou can initially address the parent with your concerns.
Like when you go to work and you notice little Susie has a bruise that wasn't there when you left Friday you can ask them about it in a non confronting manner.
See what the explanation is.
Same with sudden distress when it comes to diaper changes. I've noticed that Little Johnny hates having his diaper changed now...
It's so difficult with very young ones because you can't ask them and so many things are part of normal infant/toddler development, such as bumps & bruises & sudden refusal to have diaper changed.
What your looking for are patterns, such as continued and extreed bruises without explanantions or explanations that don't make sense.
Children that are a little older will usually tell you about their latest boo boo like it's a badge of honor. For me a a child not mentioning it is unusually.
You can then ask them whow they got usually don't have to because they are more than willing to tell you. You can also bring it up to parent , again in a non confronting manner. See if the explanations are the same. Again you are looking for patterns.
Some nannies choose to keep a log on their own of the boos boos they find when they arrive to work.
I do not do this.
I am one to err on the side of caution when I feel there is abuse taking place, as in if I'm not sure but all eveidence seems to point that way I make the phone call and let those with the education and training decide what to do.
It's difficult because abusers are masters at hiding what they do and appearing good, and children well they protect those they love even if they hurt them.
I just finiished reading all of last nights commentsss, my goodness, don't you ladies sleep? Haha
ReplyDeleteJust two quick things I feel the need to say:
1) Clarifying the inconsistencies of your story would help others to understand. Although, I am much more interested in whyy you felt the need to point out " I wasn't wearing tight pants or a low cute blouse" which, as a victim of sexual abuse indicates to me that someone wearing those items is more welcome to the idea of being touched. I really HATE when people casr a child in the role of abuser. That is not what happened here.
2) I am SO sick of hearing RBTC bitching about how much any Nanny who asks a single question on any thread is a "bad seed" and "hates what this blog does". It wouldn't be so hard to ignore if she wasn't the one who time after rime starts and stokes the drama with her name calling and bad attitude. I really don't understand why you feel the need to be here at all when you are not a Nanny (and by your own admission on another thread were never a real Nanny, just a part time babysitter), and have never emploed a Nanny. The truth is, this blog was better and far less cruel before you decided to bestow upon yourself the responsibility of taking over MPP's job and policing the board all the while hiding behind your twisted idea of being a "do gooder".
I am sorry for such a hateful post (the first of its kind from me), but I can no longer stand to be quiet when someone far worse than Phoenix ever was tries to parade herself as a model commenter.
Ya know, Mannah may have some opinions that you don't agree with but atleast she has the capability to admir or short comings or when she is having a bad day, you do not have mode other than "whine", "bitchy", or "ya know, they called me a pedo before". It's gotten old. You're constant bullying has gotten rid of several posters who added far more in terms of content to this blog than you ever have.
Phew, man that felt good.
ReplyDeleteJust reread my comments. Plese forgive my inability to type well one my phone, haha.
ReplyDeleteBrava, Lyn! Brava!
ReplyDeleteAgree on all points
I guess I just don't understand how all of you have so much energy to put into your posts on this blog. You don't know these people. They don't know you. Their problems do not concern you or affect your life personally. Why are you wasting countless hours on this website arguing with others over points that, in the end, DO NOT MATTER? It's ridiculous! I rarely even want to post my opinion about a simple topic here because of the shit everyone else litters here.
ReplyDeleteI miss the contributions of Tales . Boston and a few others I learned alot from.
ReplyDeleteThere are also a few other good posters who are fed up with the same things Lyn mentioned and instead of leaving or ignoring they fight back. Sometimes getting cared away but you can only be provoked so many times.
LYN! YES! Thank you for saying something! Standing Ovation!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lyn. Your comments are dead on. I'm just blown away by how out of hand this has gotten. I'm thinking it's time for everyone to move on (and maybe get a life). Let's look forward to new posts from others and stop wasting our energy on this.
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow. I have no words for this one.
ReplyDeleteY'all are nuts. And here I thought I had all the crazy cornered on this blog.
^^^ Points @ MissMannah. She's the sane one. :)
DeleteI'm disappointed to say that after reading this blog for the past year, I will no longer continue to do so. I really cherished this atmosphere as a young nanny. It was a great place to get advice from other nannies, and to see my job from my boss's perspective. Needless to say, after the conduct of the woman who frequently contribute to this blog in the past few weeks, especially the past 48 hours, I no longer wish to take advice or seek the point of view of woman who conduct theirselves in such a manner. It's a shame that a place that offered such an amazing space for open discussion has acquired such a negative atmosphere. Unfortunately, I don't see that improving.
ReplyDeleteTo all the helpfull, loving, intelligent woman who have supported this site in the past, thank you.
Exactly what Lynn said!
ReplyDeleteWith good sleep - I'm back and will clarify a couple things out of respect for MPP:
ReplyDelete1.) I believe she had no choice but to wipe the screen clean after my post
2.) I received TWO responses that helped tremendously, and I am grateful and believe for me personally it was worth all he nastiness
3.) As monsters began taking over my post, I had the thought to email MPP and ask her to remove it.
4.) MPP has shown me personally great effort to be fair, despite that I am appalled at how this blog's own moderator was victim of a most ugly human phenomenon of mobbish thinking. This is a well documented psychological phenomenon - and it's done those who use this blog with genuine intention a great disservice.
5.) Any professional questions about this subject or my post will be responded to by myself and hopefully others in kind.
6.) any abusive comments need to be moderated- if MPP is not available its a damn blessing others are.
Peace :)
Lyn, I couldn't agree more. I got increasingly frustrated last night as the longer the thread grew, the less was actually *said* by the two posters I was trying to address. As I said far up in the thread, I don't usually comment much. I have been here for 3 years as a frequent reader and occasional poster, however, and your words are dead-on. I really tried last night to help RBTC acquire some self-awareness, as well as to have a discussion. My attempts failed. I have long suspected that it would be impossible but I wanted to try. From now on, whether I comment on a thread or not, I know to skip past her posts. I hope everyone will do the same, and eventually things here will get back to normal. I, too, miss Boston and some of the others who used to be regulars. Hopefully we can get ISYN back to a place they will want to be a part of. (And as for sleeping--I've had trouble with that, on and off, for over a year now--so I literally had nothing better to do last night, haha!)
ReplyDeleteElizabethK-- I urge you not to give up yet! It really can be a great place for discussion. I have faith that it will be again, and that we have the power to make it so.
I am so glad this post was taken down, it was so insulting to a young special needs boy who was probably attracted to OP's "Maxi-skirt" and not to her magical hoochie. It can not be denied by any reasonable reading of the post that OP made it sound like she was turned on by the single touch, which is what I believe so many people found so offensive. Without the post in front of me, I can recall at least 4-5 inconsistencies, as well as a few arising from OP's later postings. That is one of the reasons the post and follow-ups appered to be from an outside pedophile. Even now, EBN is going off on wild tangents by saying "I wasn't wearing tight pants or a low cut blouse." What does that have to do with anything? Does she really think she is sexually attractive to a "3-year-old" boy in any manner? To make the leap to this child being sexually abused and reporting it would be outside of the bounds of a good faith report and allow the parents to successfully recover damages for defamation.
ReplyDeleteI don't think anyone accused MPP of fabricating this post. I clarified that I did not intend that at all.
Also, keeping a log of bruises is not alot of help. It dosn't mean the writer didn't cause the bruises or create the log after the fact. It could also look a little suspicious to be doing something like this.
141 comment, oh my goodness!!!
ReplyDeleteRBTC has gone insane.
EastBayNanny is a full on attention whore.
Lyn said it all.
MissMannah is the sane one. (Always liked her.)
The end.
Gypsy- this is a clear example of an education gap between posters. My references are often missed or misunderstood. When I wrote last night about tight pants, etc. I was in no way referencing my previous post. I was referencing the pattern of blame that I was continuing to experience related to "my drinking problem". I was pointing out the BLAME game and making a sarcastic (though very common) argument that someone who dares to speak about being violated is hurled insults. If you didn't understand that, so be it.
ReplyDeleteWhat level of education do I have, East Bay Nanny?
ReplyDeleteI'm not commenting on you personally. Hopefully a college degree :) You would be among the less than 10% of our population who does. Congratulations in advance!
ReplyDeleteI have a degree. It does not make your coment any less insensitive to sexual abuse victims such as myslef and the millions of others. Nor does it help to justify your reasoning of what you would need to wear to be attractive to a preschooler.
ReplyDeleteWhy back pedal? Own up. You were talking to me, so why wouldn't I accept your comments as being about me? You're intentionally obtuse. I am not going to be tangeled up with you further. Its not worth my time. And its not interesting enough to retain my attention. I hope you seek help for your issues. God bless.
ReplyDeletePS: I obtained my first college degree in 1996.
Lyn- can you ask your question in a different way?
ReplyDeleteThat's a disgusting comment, EBN. As a sex abuse surviror and as a college graduate,(@@) I find it inexcusable.
ReplyDeleteNot a question. It's a statement.
ReplyDeleteLyn- It was never my thought or statement to wonder what would be attractive to a preschooler. What did I say to confuse you?
ReplyDeleteCurious- can you ask your question in a different way?
ReplyDeleteSober up, its obviously not a question.
ReplyDeleteI am far from confused. I read you OP and all of your comments on it. I have zero empathy or respect for someone who sexualizes children. And that ou are ignorant to what you've done is baffling.
ReplyDeleteI DID NOT sexualize children in ANY WAY!
ReplyDeleteOver 20% of my cities population has afour year college degree. I must not live in the same east bay city.
ReplyDeleteIt's true the East Bay has a much much higher education level than most places. Good clarification.
ReplyDeleteBut doesn't 1:5 sound low to you? It's a sad situation for the US right now.
ReplyDeleteIn our San Franscisco bay area city, for those residents over twenty-five years of age, twenty-five percent have obtained a four year college degree. Twenty percent is great as well. Ten sounds extremely low. Maybe that's in Concord or Antioch. :)
ReplyDeleteAww, this place got crazy again after I left last night. I thought it had calmed down. :/
ReplyDeleteWow. Un-Be-Freakin-Lievable.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to have missed out on the degeneration of the initial thread. I read it, and after some thought I felt completely creeped out by the writing and the subject matter, and intended to ask MPP about the possibility of it being removed today. Thanks to all who acted more quickly than I did!
The sort of discussion that was going on is like extra yummy candy to people with bad intentions, and it needed to be gone.
That said, IDK anything about EBN or RBTC other than what I see here, so I will not speculate on their inability to let go of this topic.
I will say that children ARE NOT, and can never be aggressors unless they have learned that behavior from someone else. So there is cause for concern, and from what I saw, the OP got helpful info since she was "tracking" the posts so closely.
I will also suggest that a less dramatic and graphic description of the event would have been better received, just for anyone who might possibly have something to post in the future that trends toward the same topic.
Tales- It was indeed a creepy feeling for me, as well.
ReplyDeleteWould you say posting naked children on potties has the same potential? Your thought about fodder for pedophiles is exactly mine.
I share your concern for this child.
I specifically stated early on that I was struggling because I could not view this child as an agressor yet felt violated by him.
I was tracking the posts for the very reason I'm tracking them now. I will not be persecuted by monsters, and I care very much about the subject matter.
I was aware that I was in freak out mode and thought that my "disclaimer" would clarify any misunderstanding. It is indeed a very difficult subject to talk about. But it must be talked about.To remain silent or to push the issue away forcibly does NO ONE on this blog a service. The reactions of all who have been triggered (including myself) speak to this fully.
I reacted harshly because you come off as a pedophile.
ReplyDeleteFYI any real nannies out there. This is how I've chosen to handle this situation. text below as an email I have sent to this family. While some of what I wrote below was discussed in person that night, I have processed (many thanks to those who offered great info!) and made some decisions, which I communicate below.
ReplyDeleteIf there is any professional feedback/ questions about my decision, a productive discussion would be welcome.
***Hi (parents name),
I'm sorry but the 29th can't work. (parent), I regret this. Please know I have no desire to shame you, and only wish your family the very best. I have been thinking a whole lot since Thursday evening. It's actually kept me awake. I have to tell you that what happened on Thursday with (child) triggered my own stuff. I do have some concerns that he may be exhibiting signs of sexual abuse. I also know that for some special needs children a curiosity can become obsession. Kids are curious. This felt like more than curiosity to me. In no way am I accusing you or (other parent) of any wrongdoing. I also do not see your son as an "aggressor". The situation for me comes down to my own safety. The baggage I carry is not a good match. I want the best for your son, and I'm very surprised by the turn of events. There were zero issues in the number of other times I worked with him. This came out of the blue.
(parent) to explain again, this is what happened: As you saw upon my arrival (child) was very interested in my skirt and going under it. (Fairly common for kids). As you and (parent) were preparing to leave, and as I believe you witnessed, I got down to (child)'s level, looked at him eye to eye and said firmly, "My dress stays down." He responded. "Ohhhhkkkkkaaayyy" as if he understood to stop.
Several minutes later as (child) was sitting behind me on the floor and as you and (parent) were walking out the door, and as I was holding (younger child)crying in my arms, (child) put his hands up my dress and made it all the way tothe outside of my underwear. His aim and speed were startling. I could not see him nor do anything about it. I spent the first 5 minutes after you left trying to make sense of what happened.
I know this is incredibly hard to read. I'm sorry. I have chosen not to call CPS. I don't know if this is something he has personally witnessed or if it's something that has been done to him. OR if this is just a matter of more intense behavior challenges due to his special needs. I certainly cannot imagine that any wrongdoing has been done by either of you. My suggestions to bring this to your therapist and to monitor this behavior closely is the best I can offer.
If I can answer any further questions for you, I would be happy to do so. I know email is not necessarily ideal here, but it helps me be able to be open and honest.
Take good care.
EastBay, I don't think you fully understand that there was NO issue. But you've made it into one. I am sorry that you felt violated, but that is back on you. This is a CHILD you are talking about, an innocent who doesn't necessarily know what he is doing is wrong. That is why we're in their lives, to help them understand their actions and to help them learn self-control. I said it before on the OP and I will say it now: you were out of line to suggest that this child is not actually special needs and that he knew what he was doing.
ReplyDeleteThat is my major issue with what you were saying. I don't know why everyone else is throwing the word "pedophile" around. It is not just a label for someone, it is a horrific mental condition. Many of you would do well to understand the implications of your words.
Mannah- I never said he wasn't special needs. I read his IEP when I was hired.
ReplyDeleteJust saw the email you wrote to the parents. I hope to god you didn't send that. You may say you aren't accusing the parents of anything, but it seems obvious to a casual reader that you would like to.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI've resigned the job- not sure you caught that. I do believe it's possible he has been abused. Again to cut and past above: "I certainly cannot imagine that any wrongdoing has been done by either of you." Though of course, I cannot know that.
These parents are not casual readers, but thank you again for the input. How would you have handled it?
ReplyDeleteThis is my first comment on this topic (both in this post and the original one). East bay...I understand why you are uncomfortable and I'm sorry if this triggered something for you. I was also abused when I was younger. However, that email is not okay. This is an issue that you need to discuss in person, and not through an email where tone doesn't exist and things can be read many different ways. I agree with Mannah...in your head you're not accusing anyone of anything, but the email comes off as the exact opposite. I'm sorry, but the email just makes you sound really unstable.
ReplyDeleteI remeber you saying "three year old in a five year olds body"
ReplyDeleteAs if a five year old is sexually mature or something along those lines.
I hope these parents get you blacklisted. You're not safe to be around children & you have a drinking problem. Your mental problems are evident. Those parents are going to be relieved you're out of their lives.
umm- it was discussed in person. The email is to document for my own protection as well as to offer info. I believe it will be received respectfully, as I have worked very hard with this family and have built a rapport.
ReplyDeleteNannies- very important to cover yourself with documentation. After every single "session" I work with families I send detailed notes in an email. I often text my whereabouts throughout the day and ask permission- in writing (text)- before we go anywhere.
EastBay, pretty please tell me you DIDN'T send that to this child's parents. I know you have stated that you are an experienced nanny, but this e-mail doesn't reflect that at all. In all honestly, if my nanny sent me a e-mail like that, my first response would be to suspect the nanny of wrongdoing. And I'm not saying you've done anything, but the tone of the e-mail would naturally cause any parent to become extremely protective and suspicious of anyone having come into contact with their child.
ReplyDeleteWere people losing intrest? Was attention shifting? You had to hook us with a letter. Perfect timing, LOL!!!!! An email accusing the parents of a special needs THREE year old of something that warrants a possible call to CPS. And you say u werent accusing. Lol JUST like you said u werent drinking and then you said that had nothing to do with it. Sober the fuck up and check into the looney bin u fruitcake.
ReplyDeleteEastBay, I agree with "umm..." that the email could benefit from being reworded. If you've sent it already, well, nothing can be done about that. But if you do have the chance to change it a bit, you might want to. It comes off in text a little bit like you do believe it's them (despite the sentence where you say you can't imagine it's them). We don't know if he actually is being abused (could be curiosity like others have said), but even if he is, it could be a teacher, trusted family friend, who knows. For the kid's sake and the sake of the family, I think it's important to go into this without sounding too accusatory. I'm glad you got out of a situation that made you uncomfortable, though.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is anyway to avoid parents feeling responsible. It's a terrible thing for them
ReplyDeleteDisgusted- children are at different developmental levels (ages) that don't necessarily correspond to their age. In fact IEPs (Individualized Education Plans) actually refer to children as their developmental age and highlight this in contrast to their birthdate. I was not referring to sexual maturity in any way.
Aria- thank you for your thoughtful response. Over the years it has been my experience that to downplay the seriousness of suspected child abuse is a mistake. I intentionally leave the possibility open, while trying my best to empathize with them as my former clients. It's a very hard line to walk. I'm ok if they feel accused, though if I felt more certain than this boy is being abused I would have already called CPS. Some here will believe the fact that I did not was a mistake. That COULD be a good discussion.
ReplyDeleteBut what is so terrible? I feel like I'm missing something here. Curiosity, impulsiveness, so much more comes to mind before I think the kid is being abused. Will the parents be embarrassed by his behavior? I'm sure. Will they keep a better eye on him and try to correct this behavior? I certainly hope so. But I don't see any reason why the parents should feel guilty or responsible for this. Again, maybe I'm missing something so I'm sorry if I am. I just don't jump to the conclusion that this kid is being sexually abused based on what he did.
ReplyDeleteBrooklyn- yes, the thought occurred to me. Thus the common choice of adults to not report and to keep mum. I have nothing to hide from the police if they are called. It's a very serious situation. Very scary for parents.
ReplyDeleteWell, what's done is done. We can only hope that the parents will keep their eyes open for anything strange going on.
ReplyDeletemissing- answering your questions would be inviting trolls at this point. your questions are very valid and important.
ReplyDeleteHow did you connect with this family? I'm wondering if you can dig deeper & see if you can speak with other nannys who have cared for him.
ReplyDeletepossible pattern?, now that is an interesting idea. I'm not sure if EastBay wants to just be rid of the whole situation and leave it at that, but former nannies might have good insight into the situation.
ReplyDeletepossible -excellent suggestion. My understanding is that outside of family members I am their first caregiver... with exception to his school setting.
ReplyDeleteSince u don't care if the parents feel accused, why should any of us care if u feel accused?
ReplyDeleteTo all- I actually take full responsibility by stating: "In no way am I accusing you or (other parent) of any wrongdoing. I also do not see your son as an "aggressor". The situation for me comes down to my own safety. The baggage I carry is not a good match."
ReplyDeleteAlso would like to say that on the night this occurred, upon informing the parents, one of the parents had the grace and understanding to actually ask IF I WAS OK and whether he had touched me again.
ReplyDeleteIf they were suspect of me, I do not believe they would have invited me back. These parents understand the weight of my dilemma and of the situation.
On an unrelated note, MPP hasn't posted anything besides this thread for the past two days. I wonder if her email is still flooded with stuff about this, or what's going on.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure her email is still swamped. On another note, how awesome is MPP in keeping us in fresh topics that after 2 days we're like "Is she dead?" Lol!!
ReplyDeleteAria- I believe it is COMPLETELY RELATED. Gawd, if I were her I would seriously consider throwing in the towel. Hope that's not what she decides she needs to do.
ReplyDeleteTo call cps and say you suspect a child has been abused based on the fact that they reached up your skirt would have been ridiculous. The special needs four year old I watch likes to try and stick his head in my shirt all the time.....not once do I believe it's because he is trying to fondle my chest....ridiculous. Boys don't wear skirts and may be interested in them. Not sure why the kids tuck his hand up there but I think if you are that sensitive then child care may not be for you. Most of the previous children I have nannied have at one time or another grabbed at my chest, that's not untypical for children to be reaching at areas that we may deam sexual but they don't get that. I think this topic has been dragged on enough and you putting out that ridiculous email you sent to the parents was your attempt to get more negative comments so you can settle into the victim role again. Give it up....
ReplyDeletelol, yeah Lyn, that's true. MPP's pretty great at keeping us talking. :) And EastBay, I certainly hope not! I love this blog.
ReplyDeleteI think we've talked this whole topic to death. Obviously we're not all going to agree and continuing to talk about it isn't going to make us agree. I say since we're all here, let's talk about something else. How is everyone doing today? :D
ReplyDeleteI'm doing well, Aria, thanks for asking. How are you?
ReplyDelete:) :) :)
Great, thanks. :) Watching Bring it On for the first time - never seen it before.
ReplyDeleteMy final take on all of this is that OP worked with a special needs child who crossed boundaries, and that is it. This does not in ANY way sound like an abused child. Children are curious about genitalia (their own and others) and need to touch things to explore. I worked with a boy who was significantly cognitively delayed- he used to stick his hands down my shirt and yell "boobies!" I explained many times (as did his parents) that this was not okay. It took a while, but he eventually understood. Please know that not for one second did I feel violated or did I think he was abused. If you had written this post as an "oh my gosh, guess what happened to me today, crazy story!" kind of thing, I think more people would have seen it as what it was- something weird and uncomfortable. if this is truly real, please talk to a professional. I can't understand how you possibly felt "violated." I do not think you're a pedophile or anything even closely related to that, but I think you have a problem. Good luck in the future.
ReplyDeleteI said Brr! It's cold in here! Lol. I haven't seen that movie in ages.
ReplyDeleteWhat a crazy thread.
I'm waiting for my charge to come out from piano lessons.
Are you guys as excited as I am about the weather changing? I love autumn.
This is a post with the most replies I've ever come across.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if we can make it to 200.
I do realize this post is lame
Aletheia, yes! I LOVE autumn. The weather has been so nice around here for the past week, we've turned off the A/C and we've got the windows open. The fresh air is so nice. I can't wait for it to be the time of year where I can buy some pumpkins and decorate for Halloween!
ReplyDeleteFall is my absolute favorite season!
ReplyDeleteThe air ! The leaves! The pumpkins! The colors!
My birthday! Love it!
I apparently also love exclamation points.