I have been employed by a wonderful family for nearly a year and we have a good relationship. I love their kids and the parents are very fair and generous. My contract is specifically childcare only and for the most part they respect that, with a few exceptions, which I am for the most part okay with because they compensate me over our contract by rounding up paychecks, etc. (I realize others have different and strong opinions about this, but this is what works in my situation).
My question is regarding MB. I have began to realize she is OCD about cleaning the house, and having things done "her way". I respect all of this, because it's her house and I do find her to be a very warm person and good employer, and know she's only human, but I also feel the expectations are a bit unclear. It is starting to feel like no matter how happy the children are, I just can't get the other things right. I'm just not sure how to even bring it up. Also, she seldom brings the issues up directly, but rather leaves me notes that I have found a little patronizing. I feel I should address this but am at a loss for words. For instance, she has asked me to keep the house tidier. Things like missing a mark on the counter which I would think would go completely unnoticed or be a forgivable offense are HUGE to her. There have been times I will be cleaning the kitchen and she will come home and immediately drop everything to clean a spot I missed or have not gotten to yet. I tried to lighten the mood, but she seemed visibly irritated at me. The day after this particular instance, I arrived to their house to find a note that said, "Please wipe down ALL counters after dinner." I thought it was belittling to specifically spell this out, considering I was not hired based on my cleaning abilities and I do clean up after dinner.
Another thing is that after I was hired, she casually said "it'd be great" if I could take out the garbage/recycling/compost every night. I said that was fine, but was a little irritated this was slipped in after negotiation. This has not been the beginning of "nanny creep" so I am not too worried about the garbage duty. I don't really mind, except when I am criticized for it--one time I did not empty the garbage when there were three things in there (I am not exaggerating, every night means EVERY night) and was left a note that said "Please empty the garbage EVERY night", other times something was found in the garbage that should have been recycling and I am left a note or sent an email that says "we really value recycling, for example, a chip bag in the garbage could be recycled", etc... I don't mind doing these things, but it seems as if I just can't ever do them right. One thing they like to do is wash plastic bags before recycling them. Once MB opened the recycling, pulled out the plastic bags I had washed and rewashed them. Another time, instead of making a sandwich for the children's lunch, the kids asked me to put some dinner left overs in their lunch for the next day. It would need to be heated in the morning. They are older and I know there is a conversation about lunch in the mornings with MB even though I make the school lunches. On this particular day, I guess MB did not ask the children, just saw that there was no sandwich in the lunches and left another note saying, "Please make a FULL lunch including sandwich. Thanks." Afterward I explained to her why I had not included a sandwich and apologized for the lack of communication from me but she didn't have much of a response to that and it seemed to be a big deal.
I definitely feel I want to address these things, but can't think of how to go about it in a way that is tactful, professional and direct. I realize I posted very negative things about MB, but the positives far outweigh this. I think it is just a personality difference I am not really accustomed to. I am a responsible person but not incredibly tedious or tidy, and she seems to be extremely. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Honey, this is only the beginning. I urge you to leave now. The notes are indeed patronizing, and she definitely sounds as if she has OCD. She needs help- help that you are unfortunately unable to give.
ReplyDeleteRemember that communication is a 2-way street. Just like you can't read her mind to know how she wants things done, she also can't read your mind to know why you do things a certain way. I suggest trying to let her in on your thought process by saying things like, "I didn't empty the trash because there's only three items, and I didn't want to waste a trash bag." (you had to make a decision based on 2 values they have laid out- their desire for cleanliness and the importance of recycling).Then she can tell you right then and there if she wants you to take it out anyway, and eliminate the guesswork on your part.
ReplyDeleteI am really not a fan of the notes. I would probably just say, very pleasantly, that it would be better for you if you could talk about any issues rather than using notes. That way, if you need additional clarification you can get it right then.
I have personal experience with this EXACT situation.. My MB goes thru this intense routine EVERY morning and EVERY night which includes straightening every last shoe lace in each child's closet. She leaves me notes every day, I've gotten some really patronizing ones, saying "please get stain out of this shirt" ...umm is it really that hard for you to spray your own stain remover?! In regards to her notes, I do everything she asks.. Clean out shower after kids are done, wipe out sinks, counters, etc. They do have a house cleaner as well but she only comes once a week. The extra cleaning does not bother me because I am a neat freak, just not OCD like my MB. Here's the conclusion I've come to.. She NEEDS to tidy and organize regularly for her sanity. At first I was slightly annoyed because right after I'd wipe the counters she'd come right behind me and wipe them again when she thought I wasn't looking. Ive been with the family for 2 yrs, I love them. I do the cleaning when I can in the routine that works for me. Even if I did it perfectly, she would still do it over again and that's ok, it's her house. She knows the children are my priority and I will clean when time permits. Don't let it get to you, if she's anything like my MB, no one but her can clean just right. Also, since my charges are older too, I try to have them help with easy cleaning tasks when they can. MB is satisfied with this since it's teaching them to be as neat and tidy as her.
ReplyDeleteThis is not going to get better.
ReplyDeleteThe creep has already started,
Yes asking for the trash which was not a part of your original contract was the start of creep.
You can try to talk to her but her OCD overrides everything else.
Can you del with that and with the stress increasing tenfold as the job continues? It will.
I used to have really bad OCD in regards to having an immaculate home and let me tell you, like one poster stated OCD DOES override everything. I think OCD is a mental disorder that controls people and does not necessarily make someone a bad person. However, I do not condone what this woman is doing to you. She is leaving you notes which are kinda impersonal to me and she is asking you to do things that don't seem part of your contract, etc. I mean, it doesn't sound like major job creep to me, but I would watch out.
ReplyDeleteIn a nutshell, working alongside this woman who has OCD will stress you out big time. Her expectations exceed the normal realm and you will NEVER live up to any of them.
Can you live with this? If you can handle the stress of never being good enough, kudos to you. However, over time it may wear you down.
I recently left a job where the woman's expectations were so high that no one but her could live up to them. I personally could not handle the feeling of "not being good enough" and had to quit. A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders now.
It's your call OP. Whatever you do, I wish you luck. Keep in mind...the problem is HER, not YOU.
Good luck. ☺
I would start being more mindful of my contract.
ReplyDeleteIn my view OCD or not this woman is not treating you with respect that coupled with her high expectations will end up taking a toll on you.
You can talk with her about your feelings, but if she truly has OCD it will be an uphill battle for you.
My advice would be to start looking for a new job. It's not just the job creep or the patronising notes your MB is leaving, but I can see her behaviour getting worse, and you shouldn't have to put up with that. Good luck, and let us know how you get on!
ReplyDeleteIf you want to keep the job I urge you to talk to her. Communication is key. Let her know that you don't mind doing things that are out of your contact that she is a generous employer who compensates you fairly to do those extra tasks. However, you feel like no matter how great you do your original job which is being an amazing nanny you feel that you are being reprimanded for how you do those extra tasks. That it makes you feel like your job performance isn’t up to its usual standard. Make her understand that you are trying your best with the housework, but you are not use to doing housework in the manner that she wants it.
ReplyDeleteI think the poster is confusing OCD with nanny creep. This reads like classic nanny creep to me.
ReplyDeleteI would stop the extracurricular activities. The poster shouldn't have started them in the first place. OP kind of brought this on herself by negotiating a contract, and then violating it.
While OP looks for a new job, in the meantime when she finds a note, she should add her own note saying, 'Don't have the time to do this properly today.' Of course, the day will never come when OP has time because she has children in her charge.
PS Don't violate your contract. If you have the good sense to get a contract, stick to it. When extras are asked, say, 'I have my hands full with your children.' Or, 'If you need a housekeeper, I could recommend someone.' Practice deflecting requests, and learn to say 'no', a seemingly lost art.
Please do not say this mother has OCD if you do not know for certain she does. If she has not been diagnosed with it, then for now she is just overly picky. Also, I have to wonder why you are being so delusional about your great job. You say the mom is so sweet but she leaves you these condescending notes. You also say this isn't job creep, when it clearly is. Anytime they ask you to do extra work that is not covered in the contract is job creep. (I'm talking on a regular basis, taking out the trash or wiping down the counters once a week or so is ok in my book.)
ReplyDeleteMiss Mannah:
ReplyDeleteIf you read what this Nanny wrote, it is very obvious that this Mom Boss has OCD. How can anyone say she doesn't?? Why do we need a medical diagnosis?
Geez.
Because OP is not a psychiatrist.
ReplyDeleteBrenda K Star,
ReplyDeleteI diagnose you as a troll. How many other monikers do you have here?
okay my mother is OCD. The best thing to do is remember it is nothing against you at all. you need to practice patience with her. She is not insulting you.
ReplyDeletemy mom does things like this. When she was remodeling her house she would write notes to the construction workers telling them how they should do their job and what she expected of them. She works from home so she would follow them around. She didn't want them to create dust, even though they were building new walls.
When she leaves the house she has to place her entire palm on the outlets to ensure nothing is plugged in.
We are not allowed to walk on the hardwood floor. and it covers the entire house. We are not allowed to use the kitchen sink because it might scratch. We are not allowed to just close the front door, you must turn the handle and ease it into place.
If you clean the hardwood floor you are not allowed to use any chemicals and only a damp rag. YOu can't mop you must use your fingernail and scrape every crack to ensure there is no dust.
you are not allowed to scratch anything. Don't touch the walls, don't sneeze in her presence. Growing up when my sister and I were sick we were not allowed out of our rooms for any reason.
When we go out to eat she uses hand sanitizer to clean all the silverware. She must look under the table when leaving to ensure nothing was dropped. She uses latex gloves to pump gas.
I could keep going. She has serious OCD. What I do is just let her do it. let her complain and wait patiently. If she wants me to remove a scratch I will. She is not doing it against me. This is a serious disease.
Just be calm and know she is not insulting you as a person at all. This is just what she does, and will do it to everyone.
As a professional who actually can diagnose mental illness, I will say that she is controlling and a neat freak. In order to have OCD (the diagnosable kind, not just "traits" or "mannerisms"), it has to interfere with your ability to funciton in the world. If she is late to work everyday because she has to come back and check that the iron is unplugged, doors locked etc and she needs to that instead of being to work on time, that is impacting ones ability to function. The obsession or compulsion should involve a motivation that is either avoidance of an imagined catastrophe, or calming in some way. I think she is a difficult, controlling and demanding woman, but she probably does not have OCD. She can function....maybe she can't keep a nanny......lol, but she isn't OCD.
ReplyDeleteWith regards to your problem, I really liked how poster princess above suggested. Good luck.
ah yes. the professional who knows everything.
ReplyDeletepeople dont have to be diagnosed OCD to have it and surprise some people can function. just like people with depression.
She doesn't have to be diagnosed in order to have it, yes that's true. But it is inappropriate for any of us to go around talking about this woman and referring to her as an OCD patient when we don't know for certain she is one. In my very unprofessional opinion, I would say she is just picky because the OP didn't notice any signs of this before she started doing housework for the MB.
ReplyDeleteAh Phoenix the step mom who knows everything and nothing at the same time.
ReplyDeleteWhy is everyone such a bitch on this site? This is where people come for advice, not a tongue lashing. I usually just read the posts and comments,but lately it's gotten way outta hand.
Ughhh, I can feel my skin burning and my throat closing up with my saying this -- but thank you Phoenix.
ReplyDelete"She has serious OCD. What I do is just let her do it. This is a serious disease. Just be calm and know she is not insulting you as a person at all. This is just what she does, and will do it to everyone."
My mom had OCD, too. The organizational and germaphobe kind (as you may know, there are several different "glitches" for someone with OCD). It was hard as hell growing up with her. I moved out at 17. I was happy as hell getting my own place. When I invited her over to check it out, the first damn thing she did was run her finger across my mantle. Seriously, she white-gloved my house!
There are very obvious signs close friends and family can notice in someone with OCD. So to Upstate Mom, "a professional who actually can diagnose mental illness" - go suck an egg. How can you possibly diagnose a person you've never met, over the internet? If you were truly a professional, you never would have said such a thing!
what I mean is that just because someone hasn't been diagnosed doesn't mean they don't have the disease. That would be like saying someone with high blood pressure doesn't have high blood pressure because they were not diagnosed by a doctor.
ReplyDeleteand what does it matter that Im a step-mother. I fail to see how that plays a role in anything
Ginger, I too moved out when I was 17 and it was very difficult growing up with her. When i was 10 i started bringing her curling iron with me in the car because she would turn around more often than not to go home and make sure it's unplugged. I figured bringing it along would help. All it did was make her nervous that some how another curling iron magically appeared and plugged itself in. The germaphobe and safety issues is mostly what my mom has. She doesn't have organization issues. Well kind of she won't throw anything away because she thinks that someone will steal her identity. She has boxes and boxes of papers. We are not allowed to move her "piles" because they could get lost.
Ahhhh the OCD
@another nanny,
ReplyDeleteYou are correct that MB and OP can't read each other's minds. However, it won't be helpful for OP to explain why she's doing things differently, because it will just come across as backtalk or defiance or making excuses to MB. Obviously MB doesn't care why OP is doing things a different way; the "B" in "MB" puts her in the position of not having to care.
I don't have any good advice, OP, other than to not try @another nanny's. You're going to poison the waters by trying to justify your actions.
I know a woman who is so sad every day that she can barely leave her bed. She only gets up to eat, use the bathroom and smoke cigarettes. She hardly eats, never showers and no longer enjoys things she used to.
ReplyDeleteI cannot label her "depressed" since I am not an expert. So let's just say..she is really sad.
:(
@Umass:
I only have one moniker and only need one moniker. How many do you have????? And FYI, I am not a troll. My hair does not go in every direction. I actually brush my hair.
you're a troll. trust me. embrace your trollhood.
ReplyDeleteto "nanny:"
you insult Phoenix by saying she knows nothing and then proceed to call us all bitches. why don't you shut up until you have something intelligent to say. we'll be waiting.
@UMASS:
ReplyDeleteWhy would you call someone a "troll" who has not disrespected you in any way, shape or form?
I can't believe you are calling random people out.
Will I be next on your sh*#list??????????
@OP:
ReplyDeleteI think it is pretty obvious this woman has OCD. I find her little notes a bit demeaning and I think if you stay with this job much longer, you will be going crazy. Do you want to keep your sanity? Then leave this job. NOTHING you ever do will live up to her standards and you will lose your sanity trying to do so.
If you choose to stay, then you must be a glutton for punishment as nothing good can come from this...unless she is paying you a pretty penny.
Been there, DID that! I worked for a nanny agency that sent me to this womans home that was beyond crazy. Nice normal neighborhood, with what looked to be a normal family. I was there to clean, sorry forgot to clarify, as I am a nanny also. Garage looked like something off of Hoarders, first indication I was in for a hell of a day, needed the money, accepted job from agency, so here goes. I was there to clean out garage and do a day full of stuff inside also. I was stunned when I walked into a disorganized, cluttered, smelly home, and crazy lady began the rundown on her list. I could spend a day speaking of this day, but she actually asked me to lift all of the lids off of the back of each toilet, you know where the water bobble contraptions are, and clean down in there. I have been cleaning for so long, for so many, and I too am meticulous about what I do. I look around where there is not a pillow/cushion in place, nasty floors, including a dirty band-aid here, a toy there, a rubberband here, etc. and her concern was to get down in the back of the tank bowl, where it never dawned on me you could clean, and handed me a toothbrush to clean it. She also handed me a bottle of some sort of germicide solution for the basement so I could take every toy, broken toy part, childrens book, everything and she proceeded to ask me to "spray, spray, wipe, wipe" yes, those were her exact words, each and every particle on the floor. When I asked her about the broken crayons, she said "save them also and do the same with them". I proceeded, stunned, to do everything she asked, taking pictures with my cell of each ridiculous task as I went and saved them, along with a story for the agency I was with. We all got a good laugh. Told them to never suggest her to me again, or anyone else for that matter, she was sick! Her kids were sad and aggitated, her husband was away on business (Oh yeah, go figure) and she just couldn't get it together. She had one of our nannies there playing with the kids in another hoarded playroom off the kitchen in which we both gave eachother the "oh shit" look behind her back. All the hired help, all of her on time she had, and she was obsessing over something no one would ever see. Amateur psychologist here, but that's OCD!
ReplyDeleteAliveinga, you're a bitch. Sorry, but you are. OCD is a real illness and you're making jokes about it. Behind this woman's back, in her house, you made faces and took pictures? That was an invasion of privacy and I hope that nasty behavior of yours comes back on you two-fold.
ReplyDeletenanny deb,
ReplyDeleteyou're not on my shit list. yet.
want to be?
Ginger is it? I had to scroll back through to see if your anger permiated throughout your other rants....and it does! You were "happy as hell" and now this? Are you o.k? Seriously, I'm worried. Won't go back over my experience and why it was brought up, it just was in context to what the OP wrote. But I have to say, you've got me curious about your other rants, will just keep my ears open to see when you post next and what you post to see if this is some sort of anger problem, you know deep inside. Being called a bitch wouldn't affect me of all people as I believe that this political correctness is absurd. You know how a news station will send someone across country to get someones comment at their front door about something they said? You know how several weeks ago every tabloid channel got into what Rosey O'Donnell said about Lindsay Lohan the day before and it was the top news story...who gives a damn. Liken it to this: Some politician gets up and rants about 49 year old women who are single and have large thighs. O.K. Thats me! But I could care less what he said, really, it doesn't affect my life one ioda. So claiming this woman definitely had OCD gets you in that kind of a fix? Girlfriend, you've got a long road ahead. Taking pictures help me keep my sanity throughout this ordeal as I'm a visual person and what better way than to let the agency know what was going on in this home so the next sitter wouldn't be asked without knowing. I can write a book on families homes I have been in over these many years where they do the same shit over and over, spending, shopping, going, trying to impress and their problems never ever go away. It's a circle that keeps going round and round. The bill collectors are calling all day, mom is screaming at the kids even though she doesn't work and has pleanty of help, dad is gaining weight and frazzled while trying to keep mom in the lap of luxury even though she contributes nothing to the cause, I am in that every day as a nanny. And yes, I have pictures of the outdoor rolling trash bin I filled up just cleaning out their frig and chest type freezer with everything from frozen scallops, to lobster tails, to ribeye steaks because these people are too damn lazy to check and see what they got before cooking instead opting to run to the store in the gas guzzling, souped up SUV and get more......hold on....stuff! Now that's sick.
ReplyDeletealiveinga-
ReplyDeleteI am appalled that "Ginger" just called you a bitch for no apparent reason. I am totally 110% with you on this, that lady is crazy and needs help. She most definitely has a major case of OCD. If I worked for an agency, I would have taken photos as well. Ginger you seem very stupid and uneducated in my book.
And Umass-
Why are you being so mean to everyone on here? It doesn't make any sense. The posters you are referring to have not said anything disrespectful to or about you at all. I think you just like being mean for the attention.
Do us all a favor and stop typing.
Aliveinga, me have an anger problem? Why? Because I describe my disdain for a person that makes humor of taking photos and making jokes about someone's mental illness? Sorry, but I don't think it's funny. Not at all. It's not about political correctness, it's about having compassion for a woman you so obviously felt had a problem. And your going off base with a rant about celebrities makes no sense. Are you jealous you had to throw away all those steaks and lobster tails? Next time, fish it out of the garbage and add it to those huge thighs of yours.
ReplyDeleteAnd to Rocket Scientist, coming up out of the woodwork with a different moniker, eh? Most new posters wouldn't jump into a flame war so I'm guessing you're a regular too chicken to use your real one.
I also want to add Aliveinga, I actually was sympathetic as you described having to clean that woman's home. What seemed extremely insensitive was this comment: "I proceeded, stunned, to do everything she asked, taking pictures with my cell of each ridiculous task as I went and saved them, along with a story for the agency I was with. We all got a good laugh."
ReplyDeleteI imagine if this woman knew you planned to show everyone those pictures and have a good laugh, it would have embarrassed the hell out of her.
Let's put the OCD or possible OCD to the side.
ReplyDeleteAssume that MB's behavior will not change.
Can you continue to work the way things are right now and still keep yourself healthy?
If the answer is no, it's time to start seeking new employment.
You also need to start insisting she upholds the contract. If she wants more and you're ok with doing more . Sit down and review your contract and make sure to receive additional compensation for additional duties.
Also,
ReplyDeleteCan someone explain what "rounding up paychecks" means?
I've never heard of this.
Fiona:
ReplyDeleteRounding up paychecks is when your bosses round up the amount you made. For instance, say I made $74.00 for the evening...well my boss will just give me $80.00 to make it even Steven.
Ginger? Why are you calling someone a chicken? Many people on this blog hide behind monikers. Only the brave few show their photos. LOL.
I didn't hear anyone making fun of anyone with a mental illness. This woman's ocd is waay out of control and she needs medication.
Rocket scientist,
ReplyDeleteI really don't want to be mean to anyone. I apologize if I was mean. I may have been mean to you without realizing it, since you probably have about a dozen monikers you use here. If I was mean to one of your multiple personalities, I do apologize.
Let's be friends. :)
I have an OCD DX. I remember being obsessed with the number 3. Everything I touched I patted it 3 times. I had to open and close doors 3 times, circle around the parking lot 3 times. Anyhow with medication and therapy I am doing well. Hell I am a nanny/house manager! Thank God my family has a full time housekeeper.
ReplyDeleteOCD aside, this definitely sounds like job creep be prepared to renegotiate your contract. Try to have a conversation with MB w/o getting defensive. Keep those lines of communication open or resentment will build. You HAVE to address this issue before it gets out of hand. I understand we all enjoy reporting the good stuff but as much as we hate it we have to talk about the bad as well.
Good Luck.
To all the trolls and flamers leave my OCD out of your crap. It took a lot for me to type that!
aliveinga
ReplyDeleteI just went back through these comments and re-read your post a few times to be sure I had it right.
you took photos on your cell phone to show other people what this woman's house was like so you could laugh at her
do you realize that is the same thing as taking a picture of someone in a wheel chair then showing other people and laughing at them?
what is the matter with you?
Alot of overly sensitive people on here who get 'offended' easily. Get over it, the internet is rough. If you can't take the heat, then stay away from your laptop and let it cool down.
ReplyDeleteUMass,
ReplyDeleteWhere are you? Darthmouth, Boston, Worcester, Lowell or Amherst?
Are you a nanny? A mom?
I live and work in Massachusetts so I was just curious.
do you realize that is the same thing as taking a picture of someone in a wheel chair then showing other people and laughing at them?
ReplyDeleteOh please. Drop the melodrama.
The OP's actions were not the CRUELTY you want to paint them (mockery tarketed toward some random person with no power to hurt her) --
She was VENTING (commiserating over a person with real power to make her life miserable) over a job made more difficult by an irrational and controlling boss.
Snapping a photo of a random person in a wheelchair, with no connection to you and no power to make your job miserable, is in no way comparable to this scenario.
Take a class on how to construct an effective and persuasive analogy, then try again.
ah well Venting over the misfortune of another is low. I've been in situations like these and I didn't snap photos and make fun of those people. i called CPS because the mom was insane and the kids were living in bad conditions.
ReplyDeleteIf she was taking picutres it should have been pictures to show CPS and help the family because they mother had a mental disorder. Not to VENT.
Whatever the fuck that means
I agree w the prev poster who said, nobody cares if it's OCD or just a woman harrassing her nanny because she has nothing better to do - It's not okay for an employer to violate her contract and demand all those extras.
ReplyDeleteIf it were ME, I would first try the idea of FIRMLY but politely telling your employer, "my job contract states my responsibilities are taking care of kids, whatever, etc" and have a SIT DOWN talk w her (not the stupid notes stuff) Tell her you will no longer continue to "perform extra duties not included in your contract". Don't give apologies or excuses, EVER.
If you can't stand up to her (I wouldn't have been able to five years ago!), just find another job. Sounds like you are an awesome nanny, and deserve to be with an employer who doesn't treat you like her personal slave!!
I am not there anymore. I am an alumni.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness some of the posters above are absolutely RIDICULOUS. I think some of you should get together and form a PC police. Then all of you can patrol the internet and "take down" those who are not up to your PC standards. The OP of this post was simply using OCD as a way to illustrate the over the top, absurd, and extremely picky ways of her MB. She was simply venting her frustration with her current situation with her MB. She was in NO WAY diagnosing her MB with OCD. It is insane that one post can veer off into such comical, immature, insulting, and asinine discussions, accusations, and statements. ISYN used to be a blog that was a great resource for both nanny and parents alike. It was a place concerned for the well being of children as well as a place people could turn to for HELPFUL advice. But now it just turned into a battlefield for mindless bickering, name calling, etc. Some people need to get off their high horses (as well as get off the internet) but that will never happen. It will never happen because these individuals who think they are holier than thou enjoy ruffling feathers and stirring the pot so to speak.
ReplyDeleteBut to address the issue at hand. OP, you need to have a sit down with your bosses and go through your contract. Come up with a list of the new chores and responsibilities that you are now responsible that lie outside your contract. Express your concerns as well as what you are happy with. The notes your MB definitely needs to be address. There is no reason why she should leave you these insulting notes. Explain that you rather have verbal communication when problems arise. Also explain that you rather stick with the responsibilities that are in your contract so you can ensure that you are performing to the best of your abilities as well as putting in enough effort into the care of their children. I have dealt with MB like this. Sure they have their "positive" points but in reality they will constantly bring you down or stress you out because nothing will be up to their standards. You have to ask yourself if you are truly up to this stress. You also have to think of the consequences of your sit down. Sometimes these sit downs can backfire and MB attitude towards you can grow quickly hostile. Trust me, been there, done that. But I do have to say that this could be a turning point for the MB. Perhaps she doesn't realize what she does. I had a situation with a particularly difficult MB. I let her push me around and stress me out until one night I had enough. I wrote her a detailed email laying it all out on the line. I even gave my 2 weeks notice. After receiving that email her attitude completely changed. She apologize profusely and told me she didn't realize how she was since I was the first person to ever say anything to her. We patched up our relationship and work went by much, MUCH, better. But like I said it can go multiple ways. You need to stick up for yourself. You can't let others push you around no matter how small the situation will be. You are professional and this is your job. The minute your feelings change or you begin to feel stress is when your job can quickly go sour. Please update and let us know what happened. (That is of course the few bad apples didn't scare you off haha :) )
I love it when people on the internet tell other people to get off the internet.
ReplyDeleteIt is so deliciously stupid.
Not telling you to get off the internet,just this site. Reading comprehension anyone?
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of stupid,
ReplyDeleteOpah: I was referring to OhhPlease's comment on THIS thread. Not yours on a different thread.
Dumbass.
You mean you could actually read that huge mass of text? It just made my eyes gloss over.
ReplyDeleteWell I was just being facetious with my get off your high horse and internet comment but OK! I guess I am deliciously stupid. LOL
ReplyDeleteAnd Mannah sorry for causing your eyes to glaze over. I guess I did not build up enough "cred" around here to be allowed to post such a lengthy response without someone (like yourself) to make a snide/rude remark about the length. Ohhh how I long for the day to be "THAT" poster who posts novel length responses and have everyone ooh and ahh at my reply as if it was gospel. Ha!
My eyes glazed over too when I read the post.
ReplyDeleteOhhPlease,
You would have more "cred" if you stuck with one moniker. Just a word of advice.
I agree with the regulars on this one. I know, I know. We aren't supposed to call out multiple monikers and play detective. But this is clearly a case of misusing monikers in a way that is not conducive to the blog discussion.
ReplyDeleteI also feel compelled to weigh in on this OCD discussion, as I do on all psychiatric discussions which contain significant misinformation.
1. Let's start with OP's MB. She does not, based on the available information, have OCD. She Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) which we commonly refer to as someone being "anal." It is the person who is excessively organized and a perfectionist. Someone who misses the forest for the trees. These individulas are rather common especially among high achieving types who have learned to sublimate that stubborness and strict schedule adherence to a study schedule and test taking skills.
It certainly sounds annoying, but I imagine it is something many employers struggle with at some point -- learning what is little stuff and what really matters. Learning to give up control, learning to trust. In this case, the MB and nanny are not communicating so the problem is escalating. I do suspect it is solvable.
I do, reluctantly, have to agree with an example OhhPlease made regarding communicating via notes. I have always used a nanny log, for language issues, missing one another, and to avoid confusion. Now, I always tried to also verbally review the notes -- I didn't just randomly leave them out! But I am sure there were times I forgot one. I had one caregiver who directly approached me and said she hated getting notes because it reminded her of her how her distant stepfather communicated with her. I was sympathetic and promised to make sure to discuss things verbally. I asked if it was okay, after our discussion, to summarize in case she had questions and she was fine with that. But communication IS important.
2. aliveinga:
Ugh. Your behavior and attitude IS totally different. The MB in your case clearly had more serious psychiatric issues. Whether hoarding is clearly a subset of OCD remains an area of debate, given that those with OCD usually have reasonably good insight and a desire to change while hoarders do not. Regardless you were hired to in your own words:
"I was there to clean, sorry forgot to clarify, as I am a nanny also. Garage looked like something off of Hoarders, first indication I was in for a hell of a day, needed the money, accepted job from agency, so here goes. I was there to clean out garage and do a day full of stuff inside also."
This has nothing to do with job creep. You TOOK a job knowing what is entailed, even if the reality was worse than your imagination, you knew it was a cleaning/organizing job. You then proceeded to invade this woman's privacy by taking pictures of her personal belongings with the express purpose of mocking her later? I suspect you broke some laws there, first of all -- this woman has a reasonable expectation of privacy in her OWN home and certainly you cannot use the photos for personal entertainment.
Perhaps you don't have a good understanding of just how disabling hoarding and OCD can be. WBN -- very brave to share your own anecdote and I would love to see you on here more often! Patients with severe OCD are often so disabled that they simply cannot function in daily life. Period. Dressing, counting, hand washing, checking, etc rituals become so overwhelming and the person simply canNOT break out of the loop. We still do very selective psychosurgery for severe OCD -- as a very, very last resort -- but it is done. That should tell you how disabling it can be.
I actually do think Phoenix's analogy of laughing at a disabled person is very apt. Severe hoarding is quite disabling. I am no PC police. If anything, I believe people should be able to speak freely without constantly worrying about offending others. But aliveinga's actions crossed the line IMO.