I feel so guilty, I have a bit of a crush on my DB. To make matters worse he works from home. Luckily, I don't see him that much during the day, just when he pops in a few times to see his baby. I haven't done anything and I don't plan on it. I just feel so guilty about it because 1. he's married 2. he's one of my bosses. Maybe I need to quit.
We all develop attractions to our co-workers. My advice to you is to not cross any boundaries, and also to remember that he is married. Feeling and acting on something are two different things.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay for you to think your DadBoss is cute...in fact it just shows you are human.
ReplyDeleteHowever, do NOT cross any boundaries with him. He is after all a married man w/a family plus he is your BOSS. This includes any "harmless" flirting too.
If you feel you must act on your desire for him, then yes you should quit. To stay would only be asking for trouble.
You seem young and I commend you for realizing how inappropriate any action on your part would be.
ReplyDeleteStay strong this will pass! Believe me DBs are alot less cute after you've been working for them awhile.
I was in the same position as OP. At my childcare center, there was a father who I thought was a cutie. My heart would melt at the sight of him. It didn't help that we had similar interests, and that we used to live in the same city. His wife was really sweet and they had been together for 10 years, with 5 kids. Yikes.
ReplyDeleteHad I not worked for the center, I would've made a move, obviously. However, the respect I have for my profession, the company and the family stopped me from making a move.
I heard through the grapevine they are in the process of divorce....
This why I don't work in DB at home situations to easy for trouble to get started.
ReplyDeleteDon't do anything! I know you said you haven't and don't you dare. Just remmeber all you would screw up. A family , your career, your reputation it's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should clarify what you mean by "a bit of a crush". Do you mean you think he is hot or you find yourself fantasizing about him frequently? If it is the former, then don't worry about it. Start flirting with some nice, single men and the crush will pass. If it is the latter then yes, you might want to consider quitting because this could become really bad.
ReplyDeleteHi OP,
ReplyDeleteFirst I think you need to sit back and analyze what makes you attracted to him. Is it because he is a good dad? He's a good man who works hard for the home? Or is it merely just because he is good looking?
You should never feel guilty about being attracted to anyone. It is something you can't help. But you must control it. Are you currently single? Do you strive to have that married settled down life?
I think you are attracted to what this man represents not just him as a person. (Maybe I'm just guessing) But sometimes these things we think are in our sub conscience. We are animals after all. As women we strive to find men who are able to provide a home and good genes and men who can protect us. (queue why women like bad boys) That is a natural instinct in us just as much as a man trying to find a woman with good qualities to have the next generation.
It could be anything. Don't let him know that you have a crush on him. He would tell his wife or act on it and then you will be in even a bigger mess. Also interesting to note that sometimes it isn't even a crush. Sometimes our mind triggers emotional sexual signals when we want something. But our brains can't distinguish if the signal is in fact sexual or just that you would like a partner that fits his make-up or even you desire to have a life where you get to work at home with your own children. It is a desire trigger and it may be that you just desire things about him. Not HIM.
I recommend you think about it and dissect your feelings. Then if you decide that you are in fact attracted to him in a sexual manner. If it were me, I would quit
OP,
ReplyDeleteHow old are you? How long have you been in childcare? How long have you been working for this family?
I'm not sure why it matters, but I'm in my 20s. I've been in childcare for 4 years. I've been in this position for less than a year.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to act on it at all. It's just so weird to me because well my dad was a cheater and I could never understand how a women could hae an interest in a married man with kids.
I kind of understand now and I feel horrible about even though I have not and will not do anything of it.
Nobody knows about this not even my friends. I just had to get this off my chest because it was bugging me
Phoenix, you gave me something to think about. What you said about me wanting a good man to marry and be a father and all is something that I want very much. I think my brain is confused
ReplyDeleteThis is why I don't hire young girls for nannies.
ReplyDeleteOP I honestly feel that lots of people do confuse the signals. And when they do something (like cheat) they realize they actually don't like eachother and now they are left with a big guilty mess to clean up. It ruins families.
ReplyDeleteIf you tell yourself everyday that you will find a good man and you want it. Then he will come. Everything happens for a reason. And it is good to want a stable loving man. The wife of your boss really trusts her husband. She knows you are there alone with him and she trusts that he will never violate it. I think you may also be seeing that too and that is an attraction to a certain degree. I can trust my husband to the same extent.
So everyday before work remind yourself that you appreciate this type of man and you will get yours one day too. Re-focus yourself on your goals not him as a person. Your subconscience is actually trying to slip you into the position of this mans wife and get rid of his current one. That is so wrong but that is what happens. Women are attracted to honest loving men and that is perfectly normal. I think it was good for you to come here to talk about it and get things sorted out in your head. If you need to blow off some steam or talk about it more without public judging you can email me personally you can at reedinaz@aol.com.
Kudos to the OP for acknowledging the crush; being honest with yourself makes it easier to manage!
ReplyDeleteAnd kudos to the previous posters - very compassionate and insightful responses! Especially Phoenix. Hope it doesn't make you gag too much that my response was going to be very similar to yours! :-)
workingMom I will never question a motive if it runs in sync with my own opinions. LOL I hold no bad feelings for individual people. I may get irritated that my opinion doesn't match theirs but every new conversation is a new clean slate for me everyone. No bitterness transfers over. So you are a brand new person to me. being hateful and bitter is very tiring. I prefer not to do it. Someone once said that when I do that is means I'm 2 faced. I don't agree. I'm like a man. If two men are mad at each other they fight it out. Literally a fist fight. Afterwards they are friends again and never bring up old shit. I think the same way. It was a fight, it’s over, time to move on. If two women would fist fight they would carry hate and resentment everywhere. Then they start to go out of their way to harass people. I don't understand that concept.
ReplyDeleteBut I’m glad you would have said the same thing. it shows lots of intelligence in relation to the social environments we live in. It is an advanced quantum pathic thought process in which you analyze the why rather than the what. if more people would get to the root of the why, we wouldn't have so many issues with people. One of the hardest things to do is look inside yourself and judge yourself and fix your problems. It is much easier to just blame outside influences that other people do blame. I am very happy OP discussed this because she recognized the what and she just needed to get to the why. Once people find out the way they think it is much easier. It is very hard for most people do this for some reason.
:)
Kim...I appreciate your honesty. ☺
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up Potato!
ReplyDelete1. You are not your father! You are not your father! I'm sorry you you had to deal with that growing up BTW.
2. Crushes a very normal The important thing is how we act on them. The good thing is you realize how wrong it would be to act on this crush.
3. You've been given some good advice on how to interpret where this crush stems from. So continue working with that.
6. Stop yourself anytime you find yoursel thinking of him in that way.
5. It might be of help with you to talk to a professional about the things with your dad. As you don't want that to inhibit you in future relationships.
6 Believe the kind of guy you desire is out there and available and will cross your path at the right time.
I wish you well hugs.
Kim, if your hubby wants to cheat or is the kind to cheat he will no matter how many young nannies you keep away from him.
ReplyDeleteOP, you are not a bad person for having a crush
I had a crush on mine for a bit and then I saw how controlling he was with his wife and kids..instant turn off. Think, but don't act, don't ever, ever act.
ReplyDeleteI agree that if a spouse wants to cheat they will. They won't even need a nanny to do it. If a woman can't trust her husband then divorce. It is unhealthy. If there are time where you question where you man is divorce him. Why? because you either have a spouse who is al liar or you are very insecure. Either way its not good for the relationship and it will fail anyway. Better to do it sooner.
ReplyDeleteI feel that if OP MB trusts her husband enough to work at home with a young nanny in the house, she has full faith in her man AND her nanny.
You are NOT the first nanny to have a crush on DB
ReplyDeletebeen there done that
There is definitely something attractive about a guy who provides for his family and is a good father
My advice...stay...if u feel u can't control yourself anymore than leave but I think its a harmless crush
OP it's like a right of passage. I'm willing to bet just about everyone has had a crush on a boss before.
ReplyDeleteDon't sweat it and don't sweat him too much.
Don't freak out over this or him.
Just do your job and nothing else.
Mei, speak for yourself. I have never had a crush on a boss. My last one was incredibly good-looking but he was also a complete asshole.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with those who say that if a man (or woman) is going to cheat, it doesn't matter who is around. They are going to find someone to cheat with. Hiring an older (and therefore unattractive?) nanny is not going to stop infidelity.
I've had a crush on a boss when I was a nanny ( work at home dad as well) and a crush on a boss in my current non nanny field. It happens.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely more difficult in the nanny realm.
Not a big deal OP you've already won half the battle by acknowledging your feelings, and now you can figure out where they come from.
No guilt needed unless you begin acting on it.
Oh and know amount of "babysitting" in the world you do will stop a cheater from cheating.
ReplyDeleteMaybe not you Mannah , but I'd bet you're in the minority.
ReplyDeleteIt happens. Worse happens when someone acts on it. OP said she won't so it's all good.
Completely normal. It'll pass as soon as you realize all the little things about him you dislike, haha!
ReplyDeleteI can't work in parent constantly at home situations. 1-2 times per week would be alright but not EVERY day, my goodness. I need a break from adults, just like I need a weekend from their children!
Haha! I agree Nanny J!. I once had a work at home DB who felt the need to constantly talk to me. He wasn't flirting. I think he was bored and figured I was the other adult there. At first I felt obligated to talk to him, but I quickly got over that.
ReplyDeleteOP, you'll get over it you've been working for less than a year , you'll soon see all the traits that drive you nuts and be over it..
There is absolutely NO reason to feel guilty. You have said that you have not acted on your feelings and you don't plan to. I think you have done exactly the right thing, and you are obviously being a professional, and not acting inappropriately at all.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot control your feelings, only your actions. You haven't done anything wrong, so don't beat yourself up for feelings that you can't control. Some nannies have behaved like total trash in this type of situation, I want to commend you for handling the situation so well!
Op you hae done nothing wrong so don't feel guilty. I think your feelings of guilty might actually stem from the things that occurred with your dad and how his relationship with your mother impacted you. It's probably also why you have such a strong desire for a man that works hard and loves his family snd fsithful.
ReplyDeleteAlso the ladies who don't want a young nanny around might not be so crazy. Just as it's primal for women to seek out strong providers it's primal for men to seek fertile , nuturing figured , and produce many young.
ReplyDeleteSleep with him you know you want to. You can have your cake and eat it to MB never has to know.
ReplyDeleteWTF Tara?
ReplyDeleteGala, I agree with you to a point, but omly to a point because we can still choose to act or not to act on our primal urges.
I had a crush too. I had fantasized how hot it would be. So one afternoon after I put the baby down for a nap, we did it. I could not do it in their bed, so the stair landing between the 2 bedrooms sufficed. It was boring, not hot at all and I faked it, just to get him off me! Soon after that I quit. I couldn't look at MB, and DB wanted it everyday after I put the baby down. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I use them as a reference, and so far it has been glowing!
ReplyDeleteWow! This bog is enlightening to me some times. I must be very naive because I didn't realize this was an actual problem foor average nannies.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, OP you may be young, but you sound wise. Stand firm in your non-action, and if you feel you can no longer be in control of yourself quit.
I don't think that will be a problem for you because you've figure out the cause.
Mei, I can honestly say I've never had a crush on a boss.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I can understand why it happens.
I don't understand acting on it if it does happen.
That a girl Gail! Sometimes you've gotta do you girl!
ReplyDeleteSome of you are so judgmental ( Mannah, Bethany, & Susannah)
I truly don't understand having a crush on a DB, maybe that's because all DBs I've worked for have been varying degrees of disugsting.
ReplyDeleteI think it's wrong to sleep with your boss especially if he's married if that makes me judgemental or not enlightened so be it.
If I anted my boss to pay me for sleeping with him I'd be in another profession.
Gail,
ReplyDeleteI would not use them as a reference if I were you. It is only a matter of time before the girl finds out that you slept with her husband.
I was cheated on once, my boyfriend in college, and he was the one who came clean and told me about it. I was devastated, of course. And we didn't even have a baby together! If she ever used me as a reference, I would really tell them a thing or two! lol :)
I would take them off your list just to be safe. :)JMHO!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTara, I don't know what you've been reading in my posts but there has been no judgment. You can screw whomever you want, but I've never felt the desire to get with my boss. This makes me judgmental? I have had crushes on a coworker before, back in high school when I worked the concession stand at the movie theatre with a cute boy. But that is an entirely different story, and not one that could get me fired.
ReplyDeleteGail, you think that your actions were ok? Or do you think you are justified in your actions because the sex wasnt good?
ReplyDeletekarma is a bitch. If you ever get married or fall in love with someone don't be surprised when he sticks it someone else. Your heart will be broken. He may not even tell you right away and then give on an std.
You are one of THOSE women that I refer to. Not even a woman at all. A woman is respectful and beautiful. You are not those things. I don't normally pick on people for their actions, only the way they think. But I only do that for people who should be respected, the people on here who are actually human. You are not. your actions are repulsive and if you like people thinking you are a lying skank then you really knocked it out of the park.
Phoenix,
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I cannot find myself giving one flying fuck what you think of me. I think you are jealous. You lack the confidence and the killer body to make a move on your DB. You want him so bad but you just can't do it. I feel sorry for you.
LOL, I don't think Phoenix is a nanny, Gail.
ReplyDeleteBtw, how can you say she doesn't have a killer bod? Do you know something we don't? LOL, this blog is so insane. I read a comment on here the other day that said some of you girls make a bad impression on nannies as a whole, and I have to agree. If I was a mom, coming here to get some insight into the nanny world, it would frighten me!
ReplyDeleteThe nanny worl is a very scary place.
ReplyDeleteOP. you don't need to feel guilty you are handling things the right way kudos to you.
Gail, I wouldn't use them as a reference any longer you're truly playing with fire. You never know when your former MB will find out.
Well if you are worried about a nanny making moves on your husband, keep your husband satisfied.
ReplyDeleteSo it's his wife's fault that your previous DB cheated with the nanny? You cannot truly believe that.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how long you've been a nanny or how long you plan to be one, but if she finds out this is a battle you won't win you can kiss your career goodbye. Hell hath no fury...
There's nothing attractive about someone who is married and can't keep it in his pants where it concerns other women. There is nothing attractive about a women who can't knees her knees shut to a married man.
ReplyDeleteWasn't there a poster that got pregnant by a former DB after staying late and watching TV or something like that.
ReplyDeleteAnyway a crush is just that I've crushed on DBs before but never acted/ That would have been wrong in my opinion and I don't want to mess up career with a reputation.
Trust me OP you do not want to cross that line. I did and it's something I regret. I got caught up in my fantasies and it turned out being a nightmare. Don't do it
ReplyDelete! It's better or you to quit than go down that road!
Gail why are you here? To stir the pot? You come across as nothing more than a trouble-making troll.
ReplyDeleteOp here!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice knowing I'm not the only one to feel this way.
I will not do a thing with him not even flirt nothing. It's just wrong.
Maybe I'm just over sensitive to this stuff but it really bothers me that their are people who think inolving yourself in that way is ok.
Do I seriously share an opinion with Phoenix???? I never thought I would see the day.
ReplyDeleteGail, Phoenix is right. I'm sure the truth hurts to hear, but the kind of person who cheats will have bad karma.
Men don't cheat because their wife is not satisfying them. They cheat because they are weak and dishonest. If you want to be with someone else, the right thing to do is to tell your partner before you do it, to allow them the choice of whether they still want you or not.
What a roller coaster
ReplyDelete1. I feel guity for having a crush.
2. Crushes are normal don't act and explore the psychology behind it.
3. Young nannies are all evil and out to steall husbands
4. Biological instincts
5. Go get your bang on girl
6 I did it and didn't get caught
7. OMG! Karma!
8. Stop judging me.
9. It's the wife's fault.
10. Don't do it you'll regret it
11. OMG
I believe cheating is wrong. Gail you were wrong and OP would be wrong if she chose to act.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is I'm not so sure people always get what's coming to them there's plenty o people who've done this and worse and seem not to pay the price.
I'm glad I never cheated on anyone. I wouldn't want that on my shoulders!
ReplyDeleteI suppose guilt and consyantly wondering if you'd be discovered coud be a price.
ReplyDeleteGail,
ReplyDeletethere are times in your life when you need to realize what kind of person you are. I don't think you see what others do. You are not a very nice person. Your aura is slimey and I would be very curious to see what you look like because i am wondering where the heck you got your ego. But honestly men do sleep with trashy women so i guess it wouldn't matter,.
I don't think you realize but in the situation you described you were being played like a fool. Not the other way around. The man was the winner, not you. He conned you into sleeping with him and more than likely he lied about his wife. Cheaters cheat because that is what they want to do, not what they are forced to do.
you honestly sound like a simple minded hoodrat. That is not appealing in the least. And just because men show an interest in you that doesn't give you the green light to have sex with them. If I acted that way I'd never get off my back. You need to respect yourself, and respect the woman who's man you are defiling. Do you even get tested for std's? Because i would assume that you are a carrier of some nasty stuff.
I don't know why you can't see that men laugh at women like you. all you are is a notch on the belt nothing to be respected. I really hope you like living like that. YOu have no self-esteem and I don't know why you don't think of yourself as a worthy woman. If you did, you wouldn't act the way that you do. it is 100000% ok to have sex with a lot of men if you choose to, but they have to be single. Sleeping with involved men is the lowest thing anyone can do. I would be ashamed
I have to agree. Cheating is pretty low. For me, in a relationship, it is a total deal-breaker.
ReplyDeleteI've had a crush on two of my bosses. They both happened to be very attractive men and very good fathers and people. But my crush was developed mostly out of admiration than desire. I think it is natural for a female to be interested or attracted to strong males who are also loving fathers.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, I never made a move or had the urge to make a move. And my crushes evolved towards respect and genuine love (family/friendship love). Again, I've had very close relationships with my bosses and charges (like family), so I stopped seeing them as men and started seeing them as part of my family.
I suspect Gail is a troll. To be honest, she kind of is making me miss Monkeyshines. (ok, not really)
ReplyDeleteCheating is wrong, in all senses of the word. I know this because I am a reformed cheater. Not on my husband, but on my ex, and it just about killed him. And then seeing what he went through just about killed me. In the long run, it just isn't worth it, and the other person will always find out.
By the way, the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is 100% false. I would never do that to my husband, and he knows it.
Phoenix,
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why you think I sleep with a lot of men. DB was the only employer, I am 25 and I've had 3 boyfriends since I was 18.
I have no idea why I am explaining myself to you. DB was a one time thing (although he wanted more) I had sex with him out of curiosity, and I was horny.
I think if someone cheats, they may do it again. I personally wouldn't take that chance.
ReplyDeleteMiss Mannah, does your husband know you fucked someone else when you were with your ex? I wonder what he would think of that.
Too bad your dad didn't teach you not to fuck around when you were in a relationship. Now that would have been some good parenting.
Of course he knows. I can't keep a secret to save my life--my husband knows everything about me, which is what a marriage should be.
ReplyDeleteGail,
ReplyDeleteOh that makes it better. You were horny. You do know they make vibrators right?
You are the same age as I am. you act just like my best friend and its kinda gross. As long as you learned your lesson and you don't sleep with another woman's man (that you know. Some men lie)then it is a forgivable sin.
I made the assumption you slept with multiple people by the way you described your motive. I apologize for that. It wasn't a fair assumption.
The kind of person I am... if any man hits on me. Doesn't even matter who he is or even if I don't know him I immediatly tell my husband. he does the same thing with me. It's a matter of respect.
I agree with Umass to a point. I do think that most cheaters are likely to cheat again and I would have issues trusting. But there are other people who do learn from their mistake. I think that if there is no love for someone it is easy for someone to cheat. But if you tell someone you love them and then cheat then you are slime. Not every person is a repeat offendor. Some actually do learn