I’m a fairly new nanny so I don’t know if I’m being hypersensitive. I’ve been a nanny for 15 months. This is my third position (first permanent full time, others were temp) and my second twin family. Anyway, as I was leaving the twins were fussy, one wanted to eat and the other just gets fussy sometimes. Mom was trying to feed one, and the one I had starting crying again. Dad called them a pain in the ass. I know they’re probably tired from being up all night, and caring for the girls can be stressful. But they’re just 3 months old! Mom quickly shushed him, but I was shushed. Should I have done anything? Should I have offered to stay a bit longer and help?
He probably said it in jest. I would let it go if I were you. Trust me: when you are a parent yourself, you will think your 3 year old is being a pain in the ass.
ReplyDeleteDon't create drama.
I have to agree with the PP. Being a parent of twins can break you down! Hopefully dad didn't mean it.
ReplyDeleteShould it be an on-going thing, then I would be worried.
You could have stayed a bit longer, but you were off the clock.
Don't feel bad about it though, ok? You seem like a caring nanny.
That alone I wouldn't make a huge issue over.
ReplyDeleteHe's probably tired not enough sleep at night and a full day of work and to come home and the babies are fussy.
He's probably super embarassed
Be concerned if there's other behaviors or symptoms to go with it.
No you didn't have to stay and help, but it would have been nice , but don't beat yourself over it. You seem like you really care and that's a good thing..
Oh, I have no doubt he meant it. Men generally do not view children - even their own children - the way women do. I realize that sounds sexist, but it's biological.
ReplyDeleteMen aren't as emotionally attached, aren't able to sacrifice the way women automatically do, and become resentful of the child/children more frequently. Men also are not as adept to handling the stresses that come with having children - instead of taking things in stride and just dealing with the situation, I have seen men lose it and throw their own tantrums!
The nanny is, in a sense, the MB's "wife". If the husband was a true and equal partner in parenting and household duties, there wouldn't be need for a nanny (or a housekeeper). How many MB's "do it all" themselves, until they hire a nanny (and/or housekeeper)?
This DB was probably expressing a momentary bout of frustration, due to lack of sleep, sex, food, or attention, and it does not necessarily mean he is truly abusive.
OP I wouldn't spend any time worrying about whether you should have stayed longer or not - that's over. Going forward just be mindful and receptive to doing your job the best that you can, as much as you can, to ease the burdens that come with twins, on these new parents. They are going to need all the help they can get.
Don't worry too much about it. I was babysitting for a family from my church once. The dad came home and asked "was A a pain in the ass?" I told him "of course not!" To which he responded "its okay. You don't have to lie. I knots she's a pain."
ReplyDeleteHe was only joking. A lot of parents say stuff like that. They don't mean it. I'm sure your DB lives his children.
P.S. Sorry for any typos you may find. My phone its acting really weird.
Wow workingmom.... 1st pot smokers are "rude, immature and stupid"... and now dad's are 2nd rate parents. You are quite opinionated aren't you? Is there any other group of people you want to attack now that you've aired your distaste for potsmokers and men? Sheesh....
ReplyDeleteI think being a new nanny can cause you to be hypersensitive like you said. Once you been doing it for years or become burnt out, you will prob be saying the same thing. Of course never to the children but you will be thinking it. I care for a 3 year old and 2yr old, trust me they can be a pain in the ass. Even when they were babies they were a pain.
ReplyDeleteDad is burnt out and a new parent to twins, he is just verbalizing his stress. Unless, you see physicals signs, or acts of neglect i wouldn't worry about it.
Um well we call our kid a pain in the ass. We've said it to his face when he was being a stupid pain in the ass. And my kid knows he was. Now the girls are 3 months old. They don't know what a pain in the ass is and dad is frustrated. He can say whatever he wants about his children. Shocker, some parents don't even like their kids. They are his children. He isn't screaming at them or hurting them or abusing them, he is just frustrated. He is vocalizing his frustration and you may here him doing it again in the future. I think you are reading too much into it.
ReplyDeletewow workingmom you are seriously sexist and proof of the reason i HATE women. I prefer the company of men because they aren't stupid like women
ReplyDeleteThank you workingmom and Phoenix for contributing some of the most sexist comments I've ever seen here. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteTo say that if a family hires a nanny or a housekeeper, there is not an equal partnership there is pretty judgemental. I don't agree with that exactly. Every situation is different, and some parents work full time and need childcare. Some people are messy and need a housekeeper. I can't afford one but you can bet your ass if I could I would have one!
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think workingMom makes a good point: sometimes you have to chalk things up to it being a "guy thing." Also, kids can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. When you become a parent some day you will find out.
you're welcome! I will always come to a mans rescue. shall I correct myself. Not ALL women are stupid. just the ones who think men are. And the ones who think they are the best thing on the face of the Earth because they can pro-create. It's not that big of a deal. Everything on the planet does it. It has only been recently that motherhood means sainthood.
ReplyDeletePhoenix,
ReplyDeleteI would love for you to, just once, post something objective that is not clouded by your own emotions and inability to concieve.
Phoenix, maybe you should go get a bit of background in academic feminist theory before you start spouting off on things like this.
ReplyDeleteUmass and robyn.... I friggin LOVE you right now.
ReplyDeleteBabies can be a pain in the ass. However, if you were offended by this comment, you probably shouldn't be working for these people. As they get more comfortable with you, they'll probably get less and less PC.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he's a bad guy. I just get cautious about these things. I'm a new nanny but I've cared for kids since I was about 14 thanks to my growing up situation I know how difficult they can be.
ReplyDeleteI know the girls don't understand the words.
I guess it's more the attitude thar concerns me.
Again probably too sensitive being that I grew up with a dad who would flip on us kids at a moments notice calling us nasty names and hitting too. People don't think so but name calling is just as bad as getting hit.
Thanks for the advice for those that gave it. I won't say anything for now. I'll continue to do my best to help my bosses out.
I am anti-femminist and always will be. i do not care for women in general because they complain and they think (most of them anyway) that men are the nastiest things on the Earth. I know most of it is women who are older who think this way. It is dumb. They can't seem to understand that everyone is equally bad or equally good. Gender plays a huge role in our lives but women think they are "owed" something. It's stupid. I come from a very feminist family and they way the act as martyrs makes them so ugly I can't stand it. Women need to look at the bigger picture of life but they are very selfish the way they view things and they are ignorant to a point that it is hard to even talk to some of them. I don't think women can do anything a man can and vice versa. They want equality but not really they want to be treated "better" I've never met a woman who deserved better so i don't get why they feel entitled to anything special. Just another human and that's it.
ReplyDeleteMiss Mannah, I have no plans on quitting. They're good people.
ReplyDeleteI know full well babies try your patience. I've just never heard someone say anything close to that other than my dad so it struck a cord with me.
It seems as though I was overreacting.
Don't worry I'm not going to mention it to them or report them.
Phoenix why do you haunt these boards if you are not a Nanny or an MB? Shouldn't you be off smoking pot, pretending you're a Pharmacist's dream tech and talking to your STEP SON about what a dumb ass you think he is? Ya know, since you hate all of us women and whatnot. Your world must be pretty lonely to seek out the very group you despise so much.
ReplyDeleteI am with the others that think this isn't a big deal. I generally don't swear unless I'm around my friends or really worked up about something but sometimes I do find myself swearing under my breath without even realizing it. I would like to think that when I have my own kids, I won't get too overwhelmed and swear, but it's naive to think that. We are human and often speak before we think. That being said, it sounds like this dad didn't just let this swear slip out, he used it intentionally. I don't think I would do that on purpose but that't his deal. I know a few people who refer to their children with words like that and I don't agree with it but what can I do?
ReplyDeleteI think you are in the same boat. You can't tell him not to use those words. I am guessing that this isn't the only time you are going to run into this so I'm glad you came on here and sought some advice.
Annie, I'm glad you have decided to let it go, this could probably end up being a very rewarding job for you. I just suggested potentially quitting because I didn't know what your swearing threshold was. My boss used to be very PC when I first started and now she swears like a sailor. It doesn't faze me anymore but I raised my eyebrows a couple of times at first.
ReplyDeleteI don't smoke pot. i don't like the "being high" feeling. Quite irritating. one of my best friends actually became a nanny a few weeks ago. And i came here a long time ago, years in fact. So i have no intention of leaving. If you don't like what I write don't read it
ReplyDeletePhoenix, don't let the board police get under your skin. I'm pretty certain there's no disclaimer saying you have to be a nanny or employer to post here. And implying you aren't a real parent because you only have a stepson is very low class, IMO.
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting how my objective, general analysis of husbands and fathers makes me a man-hater who regards them as 2nd class citizens, yet the archtype of the neurotic, insecure, bitchy MB is regarded an accepted fact on this board. Good grief.
ReplyDeleteI live in the Mid-West. In my work, church, neighborhood, and family communities, the women do pretty much ALL of the primary childcare and household duties, often while working outside the home as well. The men work outside the home, and do some lawn and auto work at home, but that's about it. I have often heard men refer to caring for their OWN children "babysitting". And when the men do clean house or make dinner, they often want some 'reward' for doing so - because they were 'helping'. They do not view those chores as part of their own daily responsibility.
I notice that men do not put the needs of their children and their household before themselves the way that I see the women doing, and that the men don't lose a bit of sleep over it - whereas the women continually agonize over how to prioritize everything in a way that satifies everyone.
It doesn't make these men monsters; they are otherwise good men, husbands, and fathers. But their contributions and emotional investment cannot be considered fair or equal, by any stretch of the imagination.
Op, i wouldnt worry too much about what he said. Most likely, it was a completely harmless comment which struck a cord with you because of your upbringing (which is so sad and unfortunate. I am truly sorry you had to go through that).
ReplyDeleteI am no longer a nanny, but i have a niece who is almost 2, and she is most definitly a pain in the rear! :) My sister, her mother, will be the first one to admit that,..... but it certainly, in no way, means anything other than an off the wall, slightly frustrated sometimes, term of endearment.
If he continues to say things that make you uncomfortable, bring it up to him, or even MB, and explain with as little or as much detail as you want to WHY it makes you uncomfortable. Chances are, if they understand why something like that might offend you, they will try to keep from doing those things.
While it doesn't sound too nice, he probably was stressed. Working full-time and being a parent to infant twins can be pretty stressful. He probably just said it in jest.
ReplyDeleteHopefully, he does not treat them in a harmful manner.
OP, the thing that I feel most concerned in the post is your asking whether you should have helped. You need to establish boundaries with the family (and I am saying this as a parent). I could easily see you being taken advantage of in the near future if you are not careful about it.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry too much about what Dad said. Maybe he was just venting, maybe he is not an expert on child development. My advice would be to chill out and to look out for yourself.
Workingmom, I love what you wrote about men watching their own kids being referred to as "babysitting!" That is just absurd to me. I hope that when I get married and have kids, my husband and I will share (at least) close to equal responsibility when it comes to the children. In most of the families that I know, the dad is free to make plans on the weeknight/weekends and it always fall on the mom to be the default care taker. That is crazy to me. In my mind, it should never be just assumed that the mom will watch the kids.
ReplyDeleteOne of my coworkers/friends who has a baby, her husband is a police officer and works 3rd shift but then he cares for their one year old daughter during part of the day while my friend (the mom) works part time. This dad takes great care of his daughter and is just as much as a parent as my friend is. I wish more families were like this!
Working Mom
ReplyDeleteYou should move to NYC. My DB will pitch in and do anything from cleaning up a diaper explosion to helping toddler daughter dress her dolls. He works long hours so of course he does less that PT working MB who has more time at home. I run into stay at home dads all the time here who are great with their kids, do everything a mom would do, and do it well.
OP,
ReplyDeleteAn exhausted new dad with 3 mo twins venting a bit would not bother me. It has nothing to do with his love for, or treatment of the babies.
As for your staying to help, No, that is a slippery slope. Make sure that when the parents arrive home the babies are freshly diapered, clean, everything is picked up and put away, and the log is up to the minute. Give them an account of the day's highlights, did anyone roll over, respond to a new toy etc. Then leave!
Phoenix I love your honest approach. my mom once told me she regretted having me because i was terribly misbehaving. I didn't end up in therapy or jumping off of a bridge. I took the lesson what it was worth - that I was being an obnoxious child and that she didn't enjoy spending time with someone who is an obnoxious. People are so oversensitive! God forbid you tell your child they suck at football or anything. Oh that's right because all US kids like to think they are the best thing alive. The world evolves around them and their needs. Wake up people!
ReplyDeleteoh i understand now workingmom... you said church and mid-west. Now i get why you are the way you are
ReplyDeleteworkingmom i really can't get over your views on men. i just can't wrap my mind around it. My husband takes care of his son. He was doing it by himself when his son was just a baby and my husband was only 19 at that time. But maybe you don't know any real men and I feel sorry for you. Perhaps you and "your church" castrated all the men and they are afraid to speak now. That I've seen happen. Maybe they just want you to shut up so they don't want to pay attention to you. Be careful if you treat your spouse too poorly they will find women who don't. I've seen it happen. You don't sound like you are very fun to be around. Let me guess, you are the type of woman who uses sex as a weapon. i'm ashamed we are the same gender.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes being a stepmom is the same as being a mother. But I can see how some women wouldn't consider that the same thing because if you don't shit the kid out you obviously aren't important. Being in charge of a childs happiness is wellbeing and loving a child is what makes you a great parent. Raising your child to understand they are not perfect in a perfect world and to be strong and be there when they need you. That is being a parent. one doesn't need to give birth to be a mother. That is your misconception. Mothers are not mothers just because they gave birth, in order to be a mother you need to teach your child to be a respectful adult. You have to work for that title. you do not just earn for giving birth to a baby. I see many women who have kids but they are not mothers because they aren't teaching their kid anything. At that point they were just the bus to drop this little human off into the world.
Phoenix,
ReplyDeleteFor someone who spouts so often regarding people making judgements, you sure have a lot of prejudiced statements regarding religion.
I said I don't make judgments, i say it like it is. if the truth hurts so be it. But I don't judge people for the way they are. I accept they are stupid but i don't think they are less of a person for it. There is a difference. I accept stupidity in others. They are no better than I am, or anyone else. They are just the way they are. I have many friends and I don't agree with a lot of the things they do but they are still my friends. No judging here
ReplyDeletereligion is a topic that I won't get into. that rubs a lot of people the wrong way and it has no meaning to this site. unless I am specifically asked i won't go into my beliefs. i don't find it necessary. And i never said anything specific about any specific religion. It was more of recognizing the area type of statement, not a religous one.
ReplyDeleteWow, I have so much to say and don't know quite where to begin. I guess I'll start with the fact that I consider myself (for lack of a better word) an "eccentric" parent.
ReplyDeleteI've always been very open-minded and honest, sometimes to a fault. However, my friends and family know there's no guessing how I feel about certain things.
With my kids I know I'm a very involved, caring, thoughtful parent. But if one of them screws up, they know it. I don't mince words. From the time they could put sentences together, they heard mom tell them so.
Several weeks ago my son (who is 12yo) and I were in the car and he kept changing the radio station (totally on purpose to get a rise out of me). I told him if he didn't stop I would drop him off on a corner and make him walk home (we were about 5miles from the house). He laughed at me and did it again. I knew he was testing me so I dropped him off at a corner and told him to walk. He was stunned but said, "Hey, we're only 2 blocks from home, mom!" I said, "Yeah, I know... I just didn't say which corner!" I drove off and not 10min later he waltzes through the door with a big grin, comes over and gives me a hug and says, "I won't touch your radio anymore, mom." And he hasn't. I guess sometimes a sense of humor doesn't hurt.
As for Phoenix, I think you're being way too harsh on workingmom. As much as I hate to say it, she kind of has a point. My son's dad is a nice guy, great provider, hard worker, etc... but to hell when he comes home if he doesn't want to do more than put his feet up and watch basketball - especially when dinner needs to be made, homework to be checked, laundry to be done. I know MANY guys like this.
The first time my husband slipped up and said he would "babysit" the kids so I could run errands, I made his favorite meal and yummy dessert with chocolate shavings. All the next day he couldn't help but "stay home and babysit the kids" due to his ingestion of ex-lax. And yes, he quickly figured out what I'd done. Was he pissed? Hell yeah, but he knows now that his job in the household is 50/50.
Ha! Phoenix, I gotta call your bluff. You said you wouldn't talk about religion unless asked. Well, I'm asking. Why? Because you ignorantly called UMASS a racist for saying she couldn't trust a person smoking pot to take care of her kids.
ReplyDeleteAre you fucking serious lady? I'll bet there are a bunch of people shaking their head at that statement, especially those that have had to actually stand up against REAL racism! Now whose the sensitive one?
Without even asking, you most assuredly must be an atheist.
Wow, this is one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here in awhile.
ReplyDeleteSome of you on here are so sexist it blows my mind. Either women are the devil or men are. Did any of you consider that perhaps your own experiences with a particular gender aren't applicable to an entire subgroup of people? That by villifying an entire gender, you are just making yourself look crazy?
Now as I read over the thread, I see even more crazy behavior.
ReplyDeleteLee, what you did may be the most passive agressive and immature thing I have ever heard. Because he dared to use the word "babysit"??! Did you happen to think that he was trying to be sweet and do something nice for you? Your first response is to drug him with laxatives-classy.
Finally, rubbernecker, perhaps I'm reading it wrong, but if you are assuming someone is an atheist just because they are acting (in your opinion) like an asshole, then you are sadly misinformed and I would suggest researching atheism before assuming such things. Again, I may be reading into what you said wrong.
You guys are such bullies. Grow up and stop being so sexist. Clearly warped by your own miserable husbands.
ReplyDeletePhoenix, I think you are confused. Just because you aren't afraid to "tell it like it is" doesn't mean you can say whatever you want. When others tell it like it is, they are also giving their opinion. There is no difference. Just because you have a bigger mouth doesn't mean your opinion weighs more.
ReplyDeleteNanny E,
ReplyDeleteLike I give a fuck what you say? You weren't there and have no idea what the conversation was, I only condensed it for this thread. He had one episode of the shits. Now, piss off ok?
An episode of the shits? You poisoned him. Are you aware people get arrested for that shit? And btw I'm a father of two year old twins and I bust my ass equally caring for them. I work and come home no partying on week nights and week ends. Some of you women are real twisted
DeleteWow...mature response! Nice work! Thank you for proving my point.
ReplyDeletelee sounds like a psychopath, damn
ReplyDeleteand phoenic has some kind of awkward person disease. damaged in the head in some way, her husband probably secretly hates her weird ways
ReplyDeletePhoenix,
ReplyDeleteYou have created an entire profile of me from one word: church. Too bad your negative, judgemental, fundie-nutwing profile is completely WRONG. Not even close.
I would just like to point out that I am not one of the posters who has inferred that you are less of a mother because you did not give birth, and I haven't ever said that you should not be posting on this board. So please don't throw that mud at me.
You complain about how you like men so much better than women because women are so backbiting and bitchy towards each other, and yet you are your own worst example of this.
Perhaps you could refrain from lashing out at others by making outlandish assumptions about them, and acknowledge that they might also have valuable (although different from yours) experience they can bring to this forum.
I certaintly can say whatever I want. No one has the power to stop me. But no I won't talk about religion on this board. it means absolutely nothing and is not relevant to the site so therefore it makes no sense to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteand workingmom it wasn't the word "church" it was the word "midwest" and I didn't blame you for saying I was less than a mom I know you didn't say that. I was upset because you are sexist
UMass, really? Talking about Phoenix's inablility to conceive? What the hell kind of person are you? That was totally uncalled for and I'm sorry, but you're a total bitch for that.
ReplyDeleteI don't have an inability to conceive. I don't have a uterus. My plumbing is gone not dysfunctional. But when I was able to have kids I had no problem conceiving. I had issues with miscarrying. Then endo required me to have a hysterectomy.
ReplyDeleteI don't see how that has any relevance to the conversation.
Phoenix has a thick skin, she can take it. If you air your dirty laundry for all to see, you have to expect that it will come back to fly in your face eventually.
ReplyDeleteKat: you kiss your mother with that mouth? Can you express your opinion without cursing? I guess not. What did you learn in college, or was all mummy and daddy's money wasted?
I don't quite see how having a medical mentally difficult procedure is "dirty laundrey"
ReplyDeleteI do have thick skin so the comment didn't phase me but i do fail to see why someone would say something about such a dramatic event in a woman life is the type of thing to "come back to fly in your face" Now other women who don't khave thick skin (and I do represent EVERY women that this has happened to) they would not take so kindly as to have something like that thrown back in their face. In my opinion that borders on sidistic.
So just because you can't hurt my feelings with your comments doesn't mean that other people wouldn't be offended.
And that is truly an evil thing to say. Some women get VERY depressed over something like that. And it not something to make fun of.
ReplyDeleteFor shame
Oh my god phoenix: you are giving advice on how to be kind and not hurt people's feelings?
ReplyDeletePlease. For all we know, your story is bullshit. I think 90 percent of what you say is bs. Hell, you're probably a dude and that isn't even a picture of you. You're probably some ex con who gets off on writing on a blog full of chicks.
Umass.. yeah.
ReplyDelete1 You need to pay very close attention. When someone is not who they say they are they will have inconsistencies in their stories. Mine, rock solid (that's what she said)
2. i've never seen anyone who remotely resembles me so i don't know how someone would produce a picture out of thin air. And I took that on my cell phone
3. i don't need to BS my life is crazy enough.
Too funny. you made me spit out my coffee. LOL
And yes there is a difference between calling someone stupid or an idiot or dumb for not agreeing with you. It is quite another to attack people. That would be like making fun of someone for having cancer. Hey, stupid you have no hair. LOL.
Not cool
it is a fine art to be as mean and nasty as i am. And part of that artform is to know what you can attack and what you should not.
ReplyDeleteEvil has a code of honor.
Here is a list in case you don't know...
Family
Race
Gender
Sex (which is why I don't like sexists)
Health
Disabilities
Mental Disabilities
Age
Children (I did that once and it wasn't nice and I did apologize for it. Even though it was a miscommunication on my part that I should have been pro-active about)
There are times when you have to admit you said something wrong. This is one of those times.
You can make fun of people for any other reason religion, politics, dress, ignorance, marriage views, their choice in men. But not what is on the list
I say again For Shame
Phoenix, get a job.
ReplyDeleteI have one actually. I am at work right now.
ReplyDeleteSeriously guys? What are we, 12 year olds?
ReplyDeleteI would love to post with my real moniker. But I can't, know why? Oh that's because I don't need to be bullied on my own page.
UMASS, that is a low blow. No one made fun of you a few years ago when you suddenly went private and starting blogging about really personal things and virtually disapeard. You just don't go there. And for the rest of you what are you doing? Are you providing constructive tips for the author or just hitting below the belt. Phoenix I adore you but you don't need to prove anything to any of these people. So guess what- tone it down just a notch. How are any of you giving advice here about childcare or worthy of responding here when everyone is being nasty bullies. Grow up! I really wish the comments on here would be deleted if it includes even the slightest bit of personal attacks on another person who responds here. We will monitor it for racism but not for bullies or just plain old assholes? This site has seriously deteriorated to trash.
I agree. I think these things get carried away when they are still open for comments after we've all given our opinion. Maybe there could be a way to lock it and keep the comments that first get here stay up? i think that would be a good solution. I know we all start off giving advice then it gets bad...especially if it about a topic that is controversal like parenting styles and personal beliefs
ReplyDeleteHonestly - just delete the insults. I wish other people on here would be as reasonable! I like you phoenix you are solid
ReplyDeleteTo: everyone here should be ashamed, Phoenix, Awesome and others...
ReplyDeleteAfter 10 days the comments are automatically disabled and need to be approved before I will Publish them. Before then however, Readers should be able to monitor themselves and just be careful they don't personally insult others.
To delete each "nasty" comment, I would have to use my own discretion and I know very quickly some people would start screaming that I was being unfair and showing favoritism (hell, they already do!)
As I have said before, I am not a fan of censorship and prefer a less broad reason for deletion of comments... one that the majority of Readers here would agree with: those that are racist, threatening or anonymous.
Please try and behave guys!
a 3 month old is too young to be a pain in the ass..a preschooler sure..that is the father being tired or just resentful I suppose..take it with a grain of salt.
ReplyDeleteNot knowing the family dynamic..maybe he didnt want kids..I have a friend that told her husband ok were having kids now..he didnt want to have kids right away maybe not even at all..the first child they had is autistic and he's very resentful..he loves them but he's got no patience and gets easily frustrated and angry with them.
You just never know what's going on in someone elses backyard..
ok just because a woman has the ability to create life doesn't mean she can trap a man like that.
ReplyDeleteThat is what really pisses me off. Women go out and have kids that men say they don't want then get mad when they don't want to be dad and try to take them for money. If any man had a way to seriously seriously screw over a woman like that we would have a shit fit.
ANY woman who does that to a man should be shot or at least the man shouldn't be held responsible at all. Women have no right to do that. my friend told me she got pregnant on purpose to try to keep her bf. I socked her in the face. didn't give two shits she was pregnant, then I told her man what she did. Why? because to me that is so shady and low and gross I couldn't even look at the girl anymore. i will never be friends with her again. Any woman who can do that to the man she "loves" she will screw over anyone.
and then and then do you know who suffers most from this woman selfish pity me bs...the freakin kids. They have a dad that never wanted them and now they have a mom who may resent them for not being the right tool to keep the dad in the beginning. Or no dad at all. Selfish
ReplyDeletePhoenix,
ReplyDeleteYou are very, very scary.
oh yes. for that topic. you bet I am. I don't like the fact that some women not all and some men not all. Say they have equal rights and want equal rights and yet at every turn their actions prove different. I honestly thought gorwing up that as a society we had moved past this kind of behavior but we haven't. Breeding of selfish people. it is so so awful. I wouldn't want a man to trap me into something with something I didn't want. Why do some women think it's ok to do that.
ReplyDeletehoney I don't want kids.
screw you I'm having them.
Then they wonder why their husband cheats on them. Really?
Deb, are you freaking kidding me? Sure, a 3 mo baby is too young to purposefully be a pain in the ass but they certainly can be one! If you don't believe me, you can take my job for the rest of the week because C has been driving me nuts.
ReplyDeletePhoenix - I have to completely agree with you on the not standing MOST females. And this board proves it. Just look at all the FEmales getting all emotional, writing storybook comments trying to prove themselfs. Now the reason why you (Phoenix) have always had my respect on this board is because you've never hid your face, lowered yourself by cussing/name-calling, very blunt and YOU MAKE SENSE! I wont even read 85% of the comments on these boards because they are written by a bunch of over-sensitive, ignorant, yappers who have so much to write yet have nothing productive/useful to say. IT's sooo ANNOYING, but amusing noneTHEless.
ReplyDeleteAlot of you all are proving exactly what Phoenix said about 'females' in general. And the sad thing is, you don't even realize it.
PS: I don't use spell check so if anyone is going to use the grammar/spelling defense mechanism then do yourself a favor and come back with something less original to spew.
ReplyDelete1) Phoenix, women suck. I'm in the woman haters club with you. I've been a tomboy my whole life, and always surrounded myself with guy friends. Why? Because women are lying, scheming, manipulative bitches who will stab you in the back. Guys? Well... they won't sleep with my boyfriend behind my back.. and they have enough respect to stab me in the chest. So, screw anyone who bashes you on this site. If they don't like your personality, tough cookies. It takes all types to make the world go round. Let them call you names, say you're damaged. I like when people talk about me. It means I'm relevent. ;)
ReplyDelete2) Miss M, I nanny for a 4 month old. She's got total pain in the ass moments. I agree with you whole heartedly. Does she mean to be? Nope. But there have been entire weeks that I wanted to stay in bed under the covers because I dreaded what was waiting for me at work.
3) UMASS, I'm not sure what rock you crawled out from under... but please go back. You are nasty and vile, you clearly hate Phoenix and can't refrain from attacking everything she says. Is she mouthy? Yup. Opinionated? Uh huh. But would this site be boring without people who played devil's advocate or pushed buttons or challenged your opinion? You bet your ass. If you can't argue like an adult, then go find yourself a Myspace page and argue with people on your level.
That is all :)
So you ladies hate yourselves? I'm fairly certain you are women.
ReplyDeleteI find interesting that in your posts you all exhibit the behavior that you hate in other women.
BTW all the traits you listed are not exclusive to women. I've met plenty of males thaat act the same way.
Nashville Nanny & Aries
ReplyDeleteThank you for the support guys! I don't typically find it all that often. LOL. I have been a tom(girl) my whole life. Meaning I like stupid women things like shoes and purses. But i prefer the company of men. i love violent sports and movies. I am techincally a woman with a mands mind.
Okie Dokie Yes males can act the same way. But they at least let you know before hand or immediatly after. I am a woman and I am woman enough to know my place is NEXT to my man. Not in front of him. I don't think I have magical powers and I don't think I can do everthing a man can as good as he can. They are stronger than me and all men are stronger than women in certain degrees. That is nature. Women fight against natrure as much as they can. Men are simples creatures. feed them and give them sex and they are happy. Women are not the same way. My mother is a huge feminist. go figure for a 70's girl. But when ever my step-dad or any man does something wrong she blames it on just because he's a man. i watch women very closely and i would say about 80% do the same thing.
most women think they are superior to men when they aren't. They think they are more empathatic. When they are not. just because a man doesn't give birth doesn't mean that they don't have a connection to their children.
I have always been happier with men around. Do you know what women do to other pretty women? They treat them like Umass treats me. They hate for no reason. Men don't do that. When a good looking man comes into a circle he is automatically an alpha and everyone falls in line. When a woman has beauty women try as hard as they can to find something ugly just so they can feel better. That is why I don't get overly upset on my 'haters' I've had this issue my whole life. Men treat me like a human. Women don't. Where is the girl pride then? Oh wait, it's gone. Women don't like to be threatened. They don't like it if there is a potential for their men to shift even one eye on another woman.
I am a very very proud woman. And the reason I am so proud is because I recognize the fact that I am equal to men. We are here to compliment eachother. Not to enslave one gender. I blame a lot of how women think on TV. Like lets say how they on TV women will "punish" men by taking away sex. How can someone be so evil? I don't get it. I don't know where these awful ideas came from that a man is only as good as how much he can provide for you. I used to get women scolding me because my husband didn't work for a long time and I only made the money and they said that he was taking advantage of me. WTF? I love him.
I have a friend who is awful to her man. On xmas he went out and bought her diamond stud earings. On xmas morning she opened them up and then she bitched at him for not remebering that she prefers to not wear studs. WTF? Woman! just fucking say thank you. Don't castrate the poor guy for getting you a gift. And he just left the relationship 2 weeks ago. Gee I wonder why?
Women don't like it when men speak down to them about how they behave. But damn some women are just plain as mean for no reason.
I really hate it when I'm out and I see some poor guy being bossed around by some stupid little bitch woman.
Another important thing to note is that women need strong men. What I'm saying is. I am a very very fiery person and I will fly off the handle...research redheads for more information. But if my husband was a meek person I would have broken him a long time ago. He will straight up tell me if i'm getting out of line and being a bitch. Some women think thats mean. i say why? He has every right to tell me how I am making him feel at any given moment in time. That is not just reserved for women. A woman is only as strong as the man she is with. So I really hope one day they start respecting them more and stop playing victim.
Well said, okeydokey.
ReplyDeleteNashville: if you have never heard Phoenix cuss or name-call, you must have her confused with someone else.
Also, you sound like a 12 year old yourself. Name-calling...name-callers?
You sound foolish.
i do cuss on occasion but I don't attack people. If you read the way that I do insult people I say
ReplyDeleteif you think so and so, you are a moron. Not you yourself is moronic but the ignorance in your thoughts. I will never attack character just to be creul. That is not how a debate is done. Everyone learns from different opinions and views towards things in life. the hardest part for some people is to look at themsevles and see if something is wrong. I know 100% what my flaws are and I accept everyone has a different view on me and what i say. But i don't de-value a person for their thoughts, only their actions.
Everything we say alters our perception of people. Just like the OP in this post probably feels very differently about the dad for what he said about his kids. Even if it was a statement made in haste from a stressful situation. I taught my son at the age of 10 that if you say something then you stick by what you say. If it was wrong apologize. But if you don't apologize people will always have the bad perception. We are in charge of how we project ourselves. Everyone else is in charge of how they process that information. But they need to do it without bias.
Phoenix, here is a serious question: do you equate blogging with real life? Do you feel people should use the same etiquette for blogging as they do in real life interactions? I'm really curious to know if you feel that way, and if so, why?
ReplyDeleteAlso, if in a real life interaction, I told a person that their thoughts were ignorant, I would expect that they would be offended. If you attack someone's thoughts or opinions for being moronic, you are essentially calling them a moron. To think otherwise is just playing with semantics.
ReplyDeleteyes of course i think you should use real life guidlines as you do in person. why do you think they are starting policies about on line bullying? People get confused. Just because there is a computer in front of you instead of a human that doesn't mean you are talking to a robot.
ReplyDeletei understand why you act the way you do now. You don't personalize yourself. We are all still people. Lots of times (especially the younger generation) They are spending all their time online instead of face to face. Humans need to interact with real people and if you substitute that with a computer your brain still internalizes what people say because it is using this as the interaction and therefore associating the comments generated towards them as if they were talking face to face. And if you are talking face to face with people who constantly yelled at you, you would go crazy. It is not healthy to be in such situations.
If I was in a real life situation and were debating which i do, and I call someone a moron for their opinion they don't normally get offended because i am referring to the situation. I don't say they are acting that way because they are fat or skinny, or old or young.
If you speak online, there are humans on the other end
And how, in your opinion, do I, or does my moniker, act? I'm curious.
ReplyDeleteIm not understanding your question. Do you want me to tell you what kind of person you are?
ReplyDeleteNo, I was asking you to tell me what kind of person you THINK I am. lol. :)
ReplyDeleteI know what kind of person I am. I was just curious as to your opinion.
ok.
ReplyDeleteHow the people in your life that you know personally view you:
For some reason people can't seem to get close to you. You block them out. People feel restless around you because they can't find your emotional core. You distance yourself quite a bit and i don't think you know it. They feel they can't be open with you because you have strong convictions. They think you have poor self esteem or bad thoughts
How you view yourself:
You are happy. And enjoying the rewards in life. oh it seems that you feel richness, maybe in something material. You are actually a very happy person. you like to experience new things. You are creative and dynamic. You depend a lot on yourself rather than others. I think this is why some feel distance from you
you see the people around you don't know the inside you. I think you will benefit greatly if you let them know.
Online: persona... you think you're a dive
BTW: I am NEVER wrong.
***diva***
ReplyDeletewanna ask me about your love life now? or how about your career?
ReplyDeleteI can do them all.
:)
also I didn't go into the nitty gritty stuff about you. It is a lot of personal information over the internet.
ReplyDeleteIf you want more info email me personally. I don't mind. My email is in the first post
lol :)
ReplyDeletewhat was really interesting though. is that your online persona was an image of a snake and I just realized that you monikor is one.
ReplyDeleteway cool
Someone pass me the popcorn...this is turning into a really good soap opera. :)
ReplyDeletewhat I love most is now I know how you are really on the inside
ReplyDeleteI wanna give you a hug :)
lmfao :)
ReplyDeleteHaha, well this just took a hard left turn! Phoenix, you never cease to entertain. That was quite the analysis there! Hmm..maybe you can do me next, though not sure how accurate you will be. I think I'm a little vanilla and tend to fade into the background most of the time on this blog. *sobs*
ReplyDeleteUmassSlytherin,
ReplyDeleteI'm a Ravenclaw.
Petrificus Totalus!..or something.
Yes, these are my contributions for this evening. I'll just let myself out.
Nanny E, I haven't talked too much to you to be able to get a clear energy imprint from you but I will certaintly give it a shot. I won't post anything personal.
ReplyDeletePhoenix, don't quit your day job. If in fact you have one. lol
ReplyDelete:) but thanks for the laugh!
I do have one. This is kind of like a hobby. You are all filled with goodness inside. But you are very closed off. I won't go into the details because it isn't appropriate but material wise you did get what was entitled to you so that is good. You do have other things that you need to figure out sooner rather than later but like I said not public knowledge
ReplyDeleteOk Nanny E,
I gave it my best shot. Like with Umass i won't go into too much in public.
How the people in your personal life view you
For some reason people that know you really well are concerned about what is happening now or what has happened in your past that they are afraid might resuraface. Bad habits and wrong men is all I'm going into.
Now how you view yourself:
you are very proud of everything that you have accomplished in your life. You are very perceptive to other people and empathetic. You would make a very good teacher or therapist. you are good at diffusing arguments and helping when others need it. you are able to connect to people on an emotional level which makes kids receptive to you as well. You are very honest to yourself. You have very strong family ties and morals. and you feel complete in your life. you have a connection to the #10 and also scorpio and gemini.
but something was a no no in your life
Phoenix, another serious question:
ReplyDeletedo you feel you spend too much time with analysis of otbers rather than yourself? Have you stopped growing and learning all their is about yourself, and that is why you feel the need to figure out strangers on the internet? Seriously, I'm curious.
I actually think it is healthy for people who know you to tell you how they see you honestly, and from the people I am close to in my life, I value this very much. Not so much from strange chicks on the internet I have never met. lol :)
For what it is worth, it is challenging for anybody to really see themselves for who they are, and the things in their life that they need to change.
But how about yourself? Do you ever look inside yourself? Sometimes we spend so much time telling other people what we think they need to do that we neglect to take a good look at ourselves. You seem to feel you have strong convictions.
I have connected with some people on this blog and other blogs on a personal level via email, and they know me. However, I would not really want you knowing anything about me that I would not share publicly. I will tell you that I don't have much along the lines of material possessions. lol Practically nothing. I am low income to say the least. :)
But I work and support my family. I feel my riches are my child and my family.
I'm sorry about the comment I made regarding you and having children. I obviously upset a lot of people with it, and I do apologize. I personally do not believe that a true parent needs to give birth to a child to be their parent.
As far as your being a loser and a bitch, maybe you are. Or maybe you are not. I don't know you, so I really don't know and comments from me like that should not be taken personally. But if they were, I am sorry.
Yes. Life is a journey and we are all in it. I don't look into other people unless they ask me to. You asked, I looked. If i am wrong about you as a person and you are actually really nasty inside I don't see it. But it's your front that you put forward and I know why you do it. And it's ok, everyone has it and it does happen a lot to people so I understand. You were a lot easier to read than most people just because of how open you are. I help a lot of people, a lot of people. some are even over seas. That is why i like coming to this blog. I like to help people and people on here have questions they want answered. But I'm not running a fortune telling blog on ISYN. I feel it is bordering on rude to MPP.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess if anyone wants me to "read" them or Umass you can email me directly, I would prefer it that way so I can answer you honestly which I won't do over public either, my email is reedinaz@aol.com
i don't want to keep posting here.
and yes your riches are your personal fullfillment in your material world. Not money. A child is what it means exactly
ReplyDeleteand thank you for the apology I very much appreciate it
ReplyDeletePhoenix said...
ReplyDelete"But I'm not running a fortune telling blog on ISYN. I feel it is bordering on rude to MPP."
------
Thanks for calling yourself out, Phoenix! But you did have me wondering for a split second on a new Feature, lol.
lol. that would be neat wouldn't it! nanny's could ask to have their fortune read about the siuation. LOL that would be fun!
ReplyDelete