I recently interviewed for a Nanny job and the father said that he wants to visit my home and meet my husband and children. He said that it's "only fair" that they get to know me as well as I am getting to know them and part of that process is getting a glimpse into my lifestyle to get a better feel for who I really am, since they are going to be entrusting me with their house key, car key, and their children.
I thought this was bizarre. I am a very private person and although I can see his point in a way, I will not consent to this. If my refusal costs me the job, so be it. What are the thoughts of other Nannies? Have you ever had a request like this?
How my house looks has no bearing on my job! Its not always neat and tidy, but how I run my house has not bearing on how I run someone elses' house. I introduce my husband and child to my employers, after I feel that we are the right match and contracts etc are on the table. I like my employers to meet them because there may come a time when I have an emergency and need to have my husband meet me at work or something and need them to be comfortable about it. But I don't think I'd invite them to my home!
ReplyDeleteRed Flags - I'd run fast and far!
ReplyDeleteDuring a Nanny job interview, I once had this creepy Dad ask me weird questions I thought had no bearing on my job. He asked me where the Father of my children were, how often I saw him, if I had a boyfriend now, etc.
ReplyDeleteThis Father sounds just as creepy to me now. I would not take this job. I don't know any employers who need to see your home. Weird.
Ask him if his employer paid him a home visit.
ReplyDeleteA background check is sufficient if they must get a nanny cam.
ReplyDeleteYou instincts are correct on this.
Don't give in.
OP's insticts are 100% correct. When I was younger, in my late 20s, I took a job with a family and was asked to introduce them to my husband, who I am divorced from now. I wish I had not! Your personal life is none of their business.
ReplyDeleteThe only way they have a right to go into your home and meet your family is if you are running an in-home daycare. If you are a nanny going to their home, they can keep looking!
ReplyDeleteNo way, that is way too weird. I have had previous employers meet my husband, but it has always been far down the line after we've gotten comfortable with each other. I would never bring an employer into my home--it would scare them off because I am so messy!
ReplyDeleteNo way. Absolutely not. You don't want to work for these people. They are going to be prying way too much into your personal life.
ReplyDeleteOP here
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone, for confirming that my instincts are correct for this. Actually, I just got an email from the father saying that they are going to "pursue other candidates", which is actually fine with me. The more I thought about our interview, I get definite vibes that both he and the mother want a young, impressionable Nanny that they can control and second-guess constantly, so it would not have been a good fit anyway.
I love having this blog to bounce ideas off of, thanks again!
Hmm...I have some mixed feelings about this. I am a live in and I am not married, but when I started this job my bosses requested to meet my family when they came here to visit me because they claimed in order to feel more connected to me, they wanted to have an idea of what kind of background I came from and what not. It was still weird to me, but I guess if they are letting a complete stranger care for their child I didn't refuse..
ReplyDeleteI definitely still think it is a bit odd and I don't necessarily think the two worlds need to be mixed.
So much about looking for work is finding a good match. There are so many ways to say, "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable with that," if we feel it, we should say it! It would save us all so much trouble!
ReplyDeleteI know OP has already responded to let us know she has discontinued pursuing this job, but I just wanted to weigh in here as a MB and state that I think his request is a little creepy and invasive. It also smells a little discriminatory.
ReplyDeleteBackground check; yes. Home and family inspection; no.
I was just in the process of looking for a sitter and think this is a great idea! I happened to be in the driveway when one candidate pulled in to the drive and after one look at the trash filled car, I crossed her off the list.
ReplyDeleteI do want to meet the boyfriend/husband of anyone who will be at home with my kids and run a background check on them. Obvious reasons. I had one candidate bring her boyfriend with her, I thought it was strange at first, but then thought about her safety concerns going to a strange home. I liked them both and it turns out I know his Mom. I hired her.
Sherlock, are you trolling? I just can't imagine anyone thinking this is a good idea. Nor can I imagine anyone bringing along her boyfriend to a job interview. If you're serious on both counts, you've just opened up a whole new case of weirdo.
ReplyDeleteI understand being a little nervous when going on an interview for a job you'e found offline, but I always deal with that by haing first meetings in public places and/or letting close friends & family know I'm interiewing, where and when I expect to get back.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely understand running a background check, but know way are they meeting my family, friends, or boyfriends etc.
I wouldn't accept a position where they wanted to see my home, family, friends or anything. If I plan to do an activity where I am around another adult my age (say my friend and her daughter, if my charge is near the same age) I will offer to introduce the family to that person, just to be safe and ensure their trust in me.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I wouldn't bring them to my house, or have them meet anyone else in my life. I am a slob, that doesn't mean I will be sloppy in THEIR house but my cat sheds a ton and it sticks to EVERYTHING, so my room looks like a gigantic cat fur ball, lol.
Besides which, I do not live alone and do not think allowing strangers into a shared home is very fair, ESPECIALLY potential employers.
A background check I am fine with, calling references I am fine with. Even if they wanted to check out my car (which is normally sloppy but I clean up if I have a job that requires transporting kids), that's fine because if your kids are riding around in it you want to see it, I understand that.
Anything else is outside my comfort zone, which I'm not willing to completely disregard just because THEY want it that way.
I do not think that Sherlock is a troll. I have met families through craigslist and been pretty worried about going into their house. There was actually one family that I had scheduled an interview with but was so creeped out with a gut feeling that something was wrong when I pulled up to the house that I didn't go in. However, I probably wouldn't bring a boyfriend. If my teen daughter wanted to babysit for a family that I didn't know, I would go with her to meet them before hand.
ReplyDeleteAs far as letting a future boss into your home, I can see how as a nervous parent it could seem like a good idea, it just isn't done and seems to be setting up situation that lacks some boundaries. However, I found out that a family I know had hired the mom of a family that I had used to babysit for as their nanny. She is the only person that I know that I would not trust at all with children. If they had met her family, this would have been immediately evident...
I can beat this. A fellow nanny group member was told by her employers that they would expect to have background checks in hand on any nannies who came over for play dates.
ReplyDeleteNot a troll at all. Why would you think that? Whenever I have interviewed sitters, or anyone for that matter who will be working in the home, I schedule it at a time my husband will be home, although he doesn't usually participate. I don't care about the landscaper's wife in the least, but I do care about knowing all I can about the male friends of the woman who will be caring for my kids. I have found that boyfriends, even husbands, drop by "to pick up the keys" or some other lame excuse much more than you would expect, and if they are going to be in the house with my kids, even for a few minutes, I am going to knnow about them.
ReplyDeleteWhen this girl brought her boyfriend, I conducted the interview on our patio, as I was not letting a strange couple into the house until I knew more about them. There were several horrific Craigs List killings in the Seattle area in the past 1-2 yrs.
"I do care about knowing all I can about the male friends of the woman who will be caring for my kids."
ReplyDeleteThat is incredibly creepy. I hope you mean only husbands or live-in boyfriends. For example, my best friend is a gay male. You wouldn't need to know all about him too, right?
For the record, out of all the years I've been working, I've never had my husband or a boyfriend stop by an employer's house. I think that's just crossing the line and, quite frankly, a fireable offense.
I don't think "Sherlock" is a troll, but I do think she may be overlooking some good candidates who have messy cars. My car is pretty messy. And I'm spectacular.
ReplyDeleteAs an employer, I say no. It's up to me a to assess a potential candidate and I do not need to see there homes to do it. It's all about asking the right questions and even then there are no guarantees that you can connect someone's job performance to what their house looks like.
ReplyDeleteSherlock, it is one thing to tell your nanny she is not allowed to have her friends visit her at your home. It is quite another thing to invade her home and her privacy. Her home and personal life have nothing to do with your kids if she is watching them in your home.
ReplyDeleteSet the rules for your home and your child, but if your nanny is away from both, nothing she does is any of your business.
I've brought my husband to the homes of interviews. He sat in the car. When the parents did not want to meet in public places, I told them for safety reasons that I was having my husband drive me. None of them thought it was weird at all; one family even told me to invite him to come in also (I didn't), and BOTH families that I did this with ended up hiring me.
ReplyDeleteI don't know who you are anymore than you know who I am when I come to your private home to meet you for the first time, so yes, I will take precautions. The two families said later they saw this as a sign of my being cautious and they liked the idea of someone like that caring for their child.
So, there are apparently people who do understand this as well.
Nice escape, OP!! They have no business seeing your home. Background check, yes. They are also entitled to put in their contract "no personal visitors to the employer's home without permission" and, of course, they can request that you not share their personal information (address, names, photos of kids, etc) without their consent. In fact, my employers don't have ANY of that in my contract, but as a professional, (and to protect myself) I follow these guidelines to protect their privacy anyway. But visiting YOUR home? Not relevant. It's not even their business to "friend" you on facebook!
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