I recently started a new job and so far it is going great. The little girl just turned one and is easygoing and adorable. The MB (single mom) is really nice. We easily agreed on pay, hours, job duties, etc, and so far we have both stuck to it. There is only one thing, not a big deal at all, but it is making me a little bit uncomfortable. This MB, like many others, told me to go ahead and eat anything I wanted. She also said she would buy food for me if I tell her what I liked. I told her I wasn't picky, I would be happy with whatever is here, which is true. I also said to let me know if something was off limits. She said all food was fair game, I should feel free to eat anything in the house. I don't have a very big appetite, so I don't eat much when I'm at work. First she started asking me if I was getting enough to eat, I said yes. If I made a can of soup or pasta or whatever, I put the leftovers in tupperware and in the fridge. I clean up after my meals completely of course.
The weird thing is that she started commenting on what I have eaten. She looked in the fridge and said things like, "Did you leave your food here?" or "Where did this come from?" It seemed as though I had done something wrong in her eyes, so I apologized (without knowing what for) and she said "Oh, no, it's no problem at all. Eat whatever you want." She then continued to question everything I ate. I thought maybe she didn't like the leftovers sitting there, so I asked if she would rather I throw the leftovers away. Again she said it was fine to leave it in tupperware. I can't understand what the problem is, she keeps saying it's all fine, but if it were fine, why does she keep commenting on it every day? I feel like she is trying to drop a hint that I'm not getting. I prefer honest communication to hints, but I haven't worked for her for long, and everything else is going so well that I don't want to rock the boat by forcing a frank conversation when really it isn't a big issue at all. I just don't want to feel like every bite I take is under scrutiny, and if I am doing something that she doesn't like, I wish I could figure it out.
OP: It seems she is just asking some general questions to me, however if her questions are making you uncomfortable then I would just start bringing my own lunch to work. I have been told at certain jobs that it is okay to eat "whatever I want"..however I prefer to bring my own food because truthfully I feel weird eating other people's food. It's just a quirk of mine. :)
ReplyDeleteI've always been told the same thing, "help yourself to anything! Make yourself at home!". And, while I'm grateful to have only worked for families that values me enough to make those it a habit to offer me their entire kitchen, I have never really felt comfortable with it. I've always packed my lunch (oftentimes at the protest of my employers, haha). There is just something that doesn't quite feel normal (for lack of a better word) about going to work and picking and choosing from my bosses fridge. Maybe it's just a weird quirk of mine as well as the above poster.
ReplyDeleteIf I were you I'd start packing a lunch though. They sound like innocent questions but I think we all know how a womans tone makes one question into a million other questions. Better to be safe than sorry.
Just pack your own lunch, have snacks that don't require use of tupperware, and then she'll stop with the comments.
ReplyDeleteSounds like MB has some passive-agressive behavioral tendencies. Sounds like you have some red flags there.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she thinks you aren't eating enough? Like she's worried you may have an eating disorder or something.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Bre Said. It sounds like she is genuinely concerned.
ReplyDeleteOR, she may just be trying to figure out what is left in the refrigerator so she knows what she has available to prepare dinner. If she knows what you ate, she knows what is left.
Maybe you should make a list of the items for your needs, and that way, you won't be disturbing her food items and meal plans.
Are you a live-in Nanny? If so, that always causes a bit of akwardness with the food situation. If this is the case, start labeling the tupperware. So she knows what it is.
ReplyDeleteIf you're a live-out, I'd definitely pack my own lunch. It takes extra time- but it'll elimiate the problem.
Date the food with a label and description. Toss if after 36 hours. I think she doesn't like seeing your left overs. Or if she is paying for it- just toss it.
ReplyDeleteIf you suddenly start bringing your own lunch everyday, it will turn a non-issue into something big. Your MB will no doubt notice and start questioning it. I don't understand why you don't just take your leftovers home and then wash her tupperware and bring it back the next day. Or just put your name and date on it and eat it the next day so it isn't sitting around forever. I'm sure she doesn't want to accidentally eat your leftovers and that's why she is asking.
ReplyDeleteIf this mom is a single mom and you are the nanny, where else did the food come from. Obviously if it isn't her's, it's your's. Unless the one year old already knows how to open soup and heat it up! That would be amazing. Anyway, it sounds to me like she is trying to hint at something, but like you, I can't even think of what it might be. She said you can eat the food and that she doesn't mind the leftovers being put in the fridge, so that's not the problem. You didn't mention that she is tight with money or a neat-freak so I can't imagine she is rationing the food or concerned about it spoiling or cluttering the fridge. Perhaps she is concerned about how much you are eating (too little since you leave leftovers). All in all it sounds to me that she is just having a small issue with something to do with the food. I wouldn't start bringing your own lunch because surely she will have something to say about that. If your biggest issue with this job is the leftovers, I think you should count your blessings :)
ReplyDeleteBring your own lunch. If she truly wants you to feel at home and eat whatever you like, she'll make it known (again?). I say just eliminate the "problem".
ReplyDeleteOP here..thanks guys! I think I am overreacting here, I guess she is just someone who takes stock of everything. She may be worried that I am too thin, which I am, but it isn't an eating disorder! I liked a lot of your suggestions, and if she is being passive aggressive, I guess I'll find out... Thanks again all!
ReplyDeleteStrawberry...good point about counting your blessings!!
ReplyDeleteThanks MissMannah. I am trying to be more "glass is half full" lately, especially when it comes to jobs. I hate when I complain about working and people say "you should be happy you even have a job"... but that is so true! Especially these days it is difficult to find a job for some, even with college degrees and/or trade experience etc.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Prefer honest communication as opposed to hints. LOL. That is not how women communicate. They even did a study on it. Women don't usually out-right say things, they expect others to understand what they mean by leaving hints. They need to feel respected enough to not have to out-right say anything. It was an interesting study to say the least.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm not like most women and I always say what I'm thinking. So I put myself in her position and thought about what it would mean to me to find leftovers in the fridge. I'm polite and I always tell people they are free to have anything they want to eat in my home. As long as they clean up the mess I don't care. But if I found leftovers were in my fridge I wouldn't like it. You are free to eat what you want as long as I don't know what it was. I hate leftovers of any kind and I don't like seeing other peoples food leaving germs in my fridge. It just isn't appealing to me at all. I don't want to go and see "strange" food. I know I told you to eat what you want, but I don't need to find it. Even if you think you are going to want to eat more the next day. I still wouldn't like it.
I think she really does like you because she is being polite to you and not wanting you to feel uncomfortable. I honestly don't think she minds you helping yourself to food. She probably just doesn't want to see what you ate. So my advice is, either eat it all or throw away what you don't eat and say you ate it all. If you are tossing out the remaining soup from a can, it isn't that big of a deal. Also pasta leftovers are just gross. When you save it, it is no longer that wonderful aldente that you cooked it to. It gets all soggy. I just wouldn't want to see it. So just don't leave the leftoevers and she won't ask you about it.
"They need to feel respected enough to not have to out-right say anything"
ReplyDeleteThat is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Sometimes I wonder if I was born with a man's brain because I certainly do not think like a typical woman.
Yes, MissMannah I have been told I was born with a mans brain too. Actually when I'm on different sites I go by the name Red and I don't have a pic up. I've had almost everyone think that I was a man until I specifically say otherwise. I was arguing with some dweeb and something I don't remember what (yes I get in arguments on other sites as well) And I finally said to him, "well from a womans point of view..." He then said back to me "sorry I didn't realize you were a woman. I would never insult a woman in any way, for any reason at all."
ReplyDeleteSo I know what you mean. I don't think like a woman either. That study also mentioned how women say that they don't want you to do anything but they really do want it. My mom does this for her bday.
OK wow, do you think we could maybe take the women bashing somewhere else? It is bad enough that we have to listen to men berate us, but now we have women are calling us dumb on a site that I assume is mostly read by women.
ReplyDelete