Hello, fellow nanny friends. I'm in the middle of a serious childcare related issue, and I'm in need of some advice. As some of you on here may know, I have a two year old daughter. Now, at the risk of tooting my own horn, my daughter is absolutely beautiful. I've have been approached multiple times since her birth from people asking if she models, and agencies wanting to represent her in various campaigns. I don't really have interest in doing this, but wanted to paint a picture for you all. Anyway I work as a full time nanny for a very high end family, and they are kind enough to let me bring my daughter along with me. Because of this, I don't have to worry about regular care for her, but have a temp nanny that I use for weekend dates, etc. The girl I hired seemed wonderful - highly educated, and with great references. We had a trial, and everything seemed great. She worked for me a handful of times, and things seemed to be going well.However, this last time she babysat for me, things went horribly wrong. Now, I'm going to admit..I am a very overprotective mom. I decided that I would set up the best nanny cam I could afford, sound and everything, and use it the next time she sat for me. This was on Monday. That night when I got home, everything seemed fine..my daughter was freshly bathed and asleep, and the nanny told me everything went great. She left, and I went to the nanny cam feed, not expecting to find anything. I was completely disgusted with what I witnessed. The first part of the tape seemed normal - playing, watching a video, preparing dinner for my daughter. I then see my daughter sit down to eat. Now my daughter hates regular cow milk, and my nanny knew this. For reasons unknown to me, I see her pull the carton of milk I use for my coffee, and pour my daughter a glass. She pushes it towards her, and tells her to drink it. My daughter refuses, and pushes it away. My nanny stands up, and THROWS THE OPEN CUP OF MILK AT MY CHILD! She then pulls my daughter off of her chair onto the floor. She then says clear as a bell - "Not so pretty now are you, you little shit?" At this point, I am screaming and sobbing over what I just witnessed. In the tape, I can see and hear my daughter sobbing loudly on the floor. My daughter is very shy and quiet, and rarely cries, and I have never seen her in such distress. Immediately, I call the nanny, screaming at her that she is fired. I also called the agency she came from, and filed a police report against her.
My question is this: is there anything else I can do? I want to make sure she never works for another family again, but I don't know how to prevent this. Once she leaves New York State, there will be no record of what she did! Does anyone have any advice/experience (god forbid) with this? If so, I am desperate to hear it! - Nanny E
Nanny E,
ReplyDeleteI just received an update yesterday about an abusive Nanny one of our Readers outed. ISYN has a huge audience... if you want to give her first name, last initial and a few identifying details... other families may see this and not hire her.
Oh my god- I am feeling sick to my stomach. I am a career nanny of 14 years. I just could not imagine what you are going through. I am truly sorry.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously are upset; but you did the right thing. Please use the tape- thank goodness you have it- in court. That nanny needs to pay.
Best of luck for a safe and loving future.
I would absolutely report her to your state's DHS as well, because although there isn't a national registry, it's one more way something can pop up in her background check....
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about this. What a horrific piece of trash.
Since you filed a police report make sure you press charges and make the DA arrest her. SHe will then automaticaly go into the DOJ. I hope all people who hire Nanies do a back ground check that incluides a check with the Department of Justice. This should show up on any and all background checks. Don't let them drop charges make them prosecute and no plea deals. Good Luck and hope the little one gets over this and make sure that you tell her if anyone ever touched her again she is to tell you.
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, I want to say a HUGE I am so sorry for what both you and your precious daughter went through. The Nanny is two-faced and is also probably very jealous of your daughter's beauty it seems.
ReplyDeleteYou did everything you possibly could. I would also notify Child Protective Services, etc. and any other agencies that do background checks. This woman should NEVER EVER work w/children again.
I wish you the best of luck in your situation....your "overprotectiveness" paid off big time.
I had a question...what is the agency going to do? I think they are hugely responsible for what you endured. At least, I hope you got your money back and an apology...but I would look into whether you can sue them or not.
Don't know if you're up for this, but release it to a local tv station. They will show it in your area and probably across the country. Her (the bad nanny) face will definitely be seen everywhere. It might even prompt the prosecutor to move faster on her case.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry your daughter endured this. It does sound like the nanny was jealous. How sick is that - an adult jealous of a toddler's beauty?
ReplyDeleteThis is horrible. :(
ReplyDeleteYou can't force the prosecutor to press charges. That's something they decide for themselves. However, with this amount of evidence, I don't know why they wouldn't pursue charges.
ReplyDelete2 Words Angie's List.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that happened! I am almost in tears here after reading that, how can someone be so cruel? The worst part is I kind of have my doubts that the cops can make any criminal charges stick. Yes, you have video evidence and it was obvious emotional abuse but depending on your state, because there was no "real" physical abuse, they might not be able to do anything. But give the tape and her name to your state CPS so she can be blacklisted from ever getting a childcare position in your state again. I agree with NVMom as well, as a last resort you can talk to your local news stations to make sure word gets out about this bad nanny.
ReplyDeleteThat's terrible! You can start by putting the video on youtube. Then put links to the video on facebook, Craigslist, enannysource, sittercity, etc. I'd call local agencies and warn them about her, and call local tv stations and see if they will show the tape. Whatever you can do to spread the word about her! This person should, at the least, never work with children again!
ReplyDeleteOMG. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Although it doesn't matter how beautiful a child is. That statement really had no meaning to the post. i really wish you didn't say it because it had no relevance to your horror.
ReplyDeleteThis is in part a true horror. I know you did the right thing by filing a report. Did you tell them you want to charge her with abuse?
For the record, stories like this are *exactly* why I advocate nanny cams WITHOUT telling the nanny first.
ReplyDeleteThis unrevealed nanny cam caught a bad nanny before she did anything irreparable (though certainly horrible, sorry OP). Now OP's child is protected from future danger and charges can be pressed so future kids are protected.
Note that OP did do a trial and everything "seemed great" including a prior few work days. It took an unrevealed nanny cam to catch this.
so sorry for your sweet little girl I hope the nanny never does this to another child.
ReplyDeleteyoure one to talk, mrs i think im so much hotter than the world. the nanny said "not so pretty now". sounds pretty relevant to me
ReplyDeletenycmom: What are you talking about? The abuse already happened. Even though the Nanny was eventually caught, abuse did actually already happen. Don't think for a minute the child involved is not scathed at all from her experience. This poor child will probably not trust another caregiver (Teachers inc.) for a long time. She may also need therapy.
ReplyDeleteI think this situation could have been prevented IF the parent actually advised the Nanny ahead of time about the camera. However, I want to make it perfectly clear that this parent did what she felt was right at the time and I do not hold her at fault whatsoever. She sounds like a loving mother in all respects.
Leslie,
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree abuse happened as I stated: "This unrevealed nanny cam caught a bad nanny before she did anything irreparable (though certainly horrible, sorry OP)."
I do not think what happened is irreparable. OP's daughter is 2yo. She will likely forget the whole thing and I do not think this will affect her longterm ability to bond with future caregivers. Nor do I think therapy will be necessary.
If OP had told the nanny, given that she is obviously a fairly evil person, she would still have hurt OP's daughter - just out of camera range. In that case, OP's daughter would have continued to suffer, future kids would be at risk, and this horrible sitter would never have consequences.
I think it is very naive to think that simply informing a nanny of a nanny cam will prevent abuse that would otherwise have happened. If someone is a criminal, they will simply find a way to circumvent safeguards they know about. They won't suddenly turn into a kind-hearted person. IMO, the only way this nanny was ever going to be caught and punished was with an unrevealed nanny cam or a random nanny siting (unlikely). Random drop-ins would not catch this either since nanny could just make up a story and a 2yo is too young to contradict it.
Is it your belief that telling abusive nannies about the presence of nanny cams will prevent abuse altogether?
@nycmom:
ReplyDeleteHow can you say what happened is not irreparable to this child? Two year olds are much smarter these days (believe me, I have watched many lately!!) and this child may suffer LONG after this incident happened.
You're right, if a person wants to abuse a child, she will do it out of the camera range. Which is why these nanny cams are not 100%. All of us Nannies assume we are being filmed, esp. at the beginning of jobs and if we really wanted to abuse a child, we would just do it in the bathroom, closet or when we go on outings, in the car, etc. If there is a will, there is a way.
Thank God that the vast majority of us Nannies would never dream of doing what this horrible Nanny did.
phoenixshutit
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you decided to join by circle of groupies. Welcome...welcome...
The reason I said that is because it doesn't matter what a child looks like it is still messed up when they get treated like this. Unless the OP was giving us a back story to help us understand why the nanny said those things to the girl while abusing then that makes sense.
@ Leslie,
ReplyDeleteTherapy? Come on! She's 2 years old! I grew up with parents who spanked, I've never spent a day in therapy!
I am a well adjusted woman who has held plenty of highly respected positions, I am married, a mom, a taxpayer and one awesome nanny. Therapy? Can you say overkill? My sister-in-law is involved with Social Services and most of her clients are dealing abuse that began when they were teenagers.
@ Phoenix, I'm not understanding your reasoning. I thought it was pretty obvious that me talking about my daughter's beauty WAS the backstory. I said specifically that I was trying to "paint a picture" of why the nanny might have said what she did. And I completely disagree, and think that me mentioning it is highly relevant. The nanny insulted my daughter with a direct comment about her looks, how is what she looks like not relevant?
ReplyDeleteIn addition, you saying it's terrible to happen to any child is completely besides the point! What do other children have to do with what happened to my child? Obviously, I think all child abuse is bad, and I'm not sure what you are implying about me.
I am appreciating all the great tips so much so far, so thank you all!
ReplyDeleteI did file a police report against her,so I'm planning on talking to a lawyer in the next couple of days to see what/if there are any charges I can file against her. Any lawyers in this forum? :)
@MaryPoppinPills- Her name is Allison K, and she is 22 years old. She has short, straight blond hair, and is on the thin to skinny size. She has worked in nyc for 4 years.
@MissMannah, I have been hearing the same thing unfortunately. The police I spoke with say I may not be able to charge her with any kind of abuse, since my daughter wasn't "physically" harmed.
The news story is a good idea, although I don't know how I feel about my daughter being exposed like that..also not sure of the legal repercussions, but will definitely look into it more.
And to those who think my daughter may need therapy, I really appreciate the concern. But I think she will be just fine. She doesn't seem to remember anything that happened, and she's been her normal, calm self since. If anything, IM the one who's traumatized!
there is a tool on the web called "the rip off report" it has a child abuse section - you can use her name and it will come up when people google it
ReplyDeletethis will not be the only time she will have trouble ;0( i grew up with 2 very pretty friends and police officers would make up reasons to stop them
Everyone thinks their child is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteJust saying.
@Nanny E/OP said...
ReplyDeletesorry that you don't understand. I too tired to explain right now. I will do tomorrow night
Eye of the Beholder,
ReplyDeleteYes, you are definitely right! It wouldn't matter to me even one bit what my daughter looked like, I would think she is beautiful no matter what, because she's my baby! :)
Not sure if you were for what I said or against it, but I digress.
OP, unless your state allows you to record sound without the permission of the people being recorded, YOU could wind up in trouble for recording this nanny without her permission.
ReplyDeleteState by state wiretapping laws: http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states.html
This link: http://nanny-cam-review.toptenreviews.com/why-you-shouldnt-be-nervous-about-your-nanny-cam.html
gives the following info:
"The trick is when it comes to recording sound. In many states, it is illegal to record someone's voice without their consent. Recording without permission is against wiretapping laws, which you are probably familiar with thanks to high-profile cases like the ACORN scandal and NSA wiretap debate. The penalties for violating wiretapping laws are stiff, including jail time and large fines. In fact, you could face up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine, so it is important to know if you are susceptible to these laws.
The states that require permission to record audio are:
California
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Hawaii
Illinois
Louisiana
Maryland
Massachusetts
Montana
Nevada
New Hampshire
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Washington"
So if you live in one of those states, I would seriously consider the penalties YOU face if you take that tape to the authorities.
That said, I'm glad you discovered what was going on with the nanny when you weren't there. I disagree that this nanny would have somehow managed to "hide" her actions if you had told her while interviewing "I will be using nanny cams occasionally."
I do have a question for you though - what did this woman's references say about her? If they felt she was amazing, THOSE people might be who you should contact and then show them the video you made. Without references, she'd have a tougher time finding work, know what I mean?
I'm not sure whether recording her would be considering wire-tapping, since that's generally a term associated with telephones. However, since Nanny E is from New York and I didn't see it on the list, I don't see it as a problem. Even if her state was on the list, I highly doubt she would be charged since it was in her own home and any decent lawyer would argue that the nanny had a lessened expectation of privacy.
ReplyDeleteAnd for NYC mom, since she and I disagree about telling nannies at the time of an interview that they may be taped...
ReplyDeleteMy state laws is as follows:
"Use of a hidden camera “without the consent of all persons observed, to observe, photograph, or record the activities of another which occur in any private place and out of public view” is illegal as well. Code Ann. § 16-11-62(2)."
So, in my state, employers HAVE to reveal or they are breaking the law. And to top it off, a nanny recorded without her consent can sue in civil court.
Again, the info quoted comes from this site:
http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states.html
Tales from the Nanny(hood),
ReplyDeleteI actually live in New York State, so I don't have to worry about those laws, but thank you for the info!
And I actually did contact her former employer,told her what happened and sent her the tape. She actually started crying over the phone, because the nanny cared for her sons full time for three years. We both are trying to do all we can to nail her!
Recording SOUND in a video is considered wiretapping in many states, and since OP stated she HEARD the nanny scream at her daughter....
ReplyDeleteOf course, I missed where Op stated she lives in NY, so it may be a moot point.
Also, since OP was not taping a discussion she was having with the nanny, I don't know if the consent or knowledge of one of the people being recorded would hold up. Does OP have the right to act for her child, or in her stead in that case? IOW, OP wasn't THERE, and her kid was. Does OP's "consent" apply to her minor child, or would the child have had to give permission to be recorded...
ReplyDeleteLegal tangles!
I actually just started reading up on it on Westlaw and it looks like the consent extends to the child. Here's the case, if you can look it up:
ReplyDeleteState v. Diaz, 706 A.2d 264 (1998)
Essentially, it states that the Constitution does not protect a nanny's privacy in someone else's house, and that a videotape without sid not violate the Wiretapping and Electronic Surveillance Control Act, but furthremore, that sound was admissible because the parents had consented to their child being taped.
This is one of the leading cases on this matter.
OP...what about contacting the Nanny agency directly? Did you do that?
ReplyDeleteWhile I do not see the need for therapy, I think it would only be natural for your daughter to be a little leery of any future caregivers. I agree that two yr olds are very smart these days.
Leslie,
ReplyDeleteCome on - therapy, irreparable damage?!? Even OP is telling you her daughter is fine. She is 2yo for goodness sakes. What happened was awful and OP is being a brave and wonderful mom by taking the steps she is taking. But her daughter is and will be fine.
Tales,
It is my understanding (though I haven't done the actual research in a couple of years) that hidden nanny cams without sound are legal in all 50 states. Juris's review seems to support this. In regards to the statue you quoted, see this website for clarification:
http://www.ehow.com/info_8376251_georgia-laws-spy-cameras.html
Look at 2B and 2C and read Exceptions at the bottom. Nanny cams are legal in GA.
Regarding consent for minors, this one I am sure of as I deal with it in my job all the time. Yes, a parent (or legal guardian) absolutely can speak for their minor child and make decisions/give consent on their behalf. When we admit a minor to the psychiatric hospital, there is no question that the parent can give consent for the minor to be admitted under voluntary status.
Nanny E, thank you for the info. And contacting her past references was a good move.
ReplyDeleteGive your daughter a big hug for us... I am so glad to hear she is doing well.
E, I thought as much. Emotional abuse is still a very sticky subject as far as the law is concerned. Personally, I think that is BS--as a victim of both, I wholeheartedly believe emotional abuse is 10x worse than physical abuse. I am glad to hear your daughter is doing ok, I hope this was just a one-time incident so it really won't do any lasting damage.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that always goes through my mind when reading these horror stories...why the heck do these women get into the childcare industry when they obviously do not like children?
MissMannah...
ReplyDeleteThey get into the childcare industry because they think it's easy money. But we know there's nothing easy about caring for children. When they're challenged in any way, they lash out at the children. It's a shame.
Well said to Wow.
ReplyDeleteThese girls think they can just "sit" on the sofa, eat, watch T.V., check their Facebook, etc...while they make an "easy" fifteen bucks an hr. It's girls like this that give all of us Nannies such a bad name.
I am very serious about my job, I treat it just like any other job out there..yet it irks me that some families prefer to hire the young college girl since she attends a prestigious University while I attend a measly Jr. College.
While filming someone w/out their knowledge is legal, it certainly is not ethical in my opinion. Just like banning Gays in the Military was not considered illegal, but it was unethical.
ReplyDelete@ Freud's Child..
ReplyDeleteYeah, well abusing children isn't ethical either
Freud you sound stupid. Comparing gay discrimination with being recorded on a nanny cam? Way to be awesome
ReplyDeleteThere have been some seriously cracked out comparisons lately. Gays in the military with recording a nanny? Cheating nannies with characters of The Crucible? Drunk driving and taking the subway at night?
ReplyDeleteLord have mercy.
@ Dr Juris,
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! That crucible one still makes me laugh when I think about it! ;)
@Sigh,
Thank you! As a lesbian woman, that comment of Freud's was borderline offensive, not to mention a completely ludicrous comparison
I read Freud's comment and I think you all are missing the point. The point is comparing ethics vs. the law. What she is saying is that some laws while legal, are unethical. It is a plain and simple comparison...I cannot understand why so many of you missed this.
ReplyDeleteYes, it was illegal for some time for Gays to serve in our military, and it was also unethical to do so.
Abortion is legal today, however some people feel it is unethical for doctors to perform this procedure.
Filming someone w/out his or her permission is completely legal in all fifty states, yet many people find this unethical.
Get it?
@ Leslie,
ReplyDeleteUmmm.. I think YOU are the one who isn't getting it. Freud wasn't trying to give us the definition of ethical vs. legal, she was giving her opinion that she thought it was unethical that I recorded my abusive nanny without her permission.
Dr. Juris and I were upset that she put the issue of gay discrimination and the use of a nanny cam in the same category, as if the nanny being recorded is some kind of victim. I do not agree with this. It has nothing to do with me not "getting" what she was saying.
Haha Leslie! Nanny E is right! You have no idea what you are talking about! You just made yourself sound like a complete moron. LMAO!!!
ReplyDelete1. Every family should have at least one, preferably a number, of nanny cameras and nannies need to learn that the cameras provide a level of protection for us too. I could have used one three years ago. It would have saved my charges and I from a lot of heartache when the parents' had some pretty strange ideas put in their head. Nothing I said or did could change their minds, nothing my charges said or did could, even they admitted they were being unreasonable. Everything just ended. Nothing has ever hurt me more than that event. A nanny cam could have saved the day then. I miss them.
ReplyDelete2. OP, you've done good work. There is nothing overprotective about a nanny cam and this event proves it. Just so long as you don't go Seinfeld on your nannies and begin over-analyzing irrelevant details you should be fine. If you can file a report with a state child protective agency in addition to that police report, I would do it. What you've done already should show up on a background check, but don't get me wrong, I agree with the comments above that you should call her references and offer to share the video. A bad background and no references should hurt her chances of working with children again. Do what you can, but understand, there are limitations to what you can do. There are too many parents who never run background checks or bother with references, she'll get to them. There is nothing you can do about that.
Nanny E: Are you both a Nanny and a Mother?
ReplyDeleteI agree that some of you posters are missing the point. You guys are all looking at the surface, but in order to think critically, one must look deeper. That is what Freuds Child is doing. It is not about comparing homosexuality with being a Nanny. It is about comparing legality with ethics.
ReplyDeleteWell said Amy Darling ◄.
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry Nanny E. I was horrified whilst reading your post!
ReplyDeleteShame on that Nanny! I would be doing everything I could to make sure she NEVER worked with kids again.
It sounds like you are doing a great job of that.
Please give your little one a hug. Traumatized or not, it was still a shitty situation that she was in, regardless of her age!
I hope this hasn't scared your image of nannies. There are a few of us good ones out there.
All the best.
Aussie Nanny, there are more than a few good Nannies out there...honestly. I think this horrible Nanny is in the minority.
ReplyDelete