Hi, I was wondering what kind of relationships you guys have with your charges/their families after you stop working with them? I have been babysitting N since she was 5 and I was 17. When i was in high school and in college i would pick her up a few times a week after school, and also babysit as needed in the evenings when her mom went out. Now I am 23 and she is 11. I am graduating from college, and will be looking for a full time job in my chosen field (not childcare, babysitting was just a good way for me to make some extra money) so I won't be babysitting N anymore, plus she is getting a little bit old to need a babysitter.I really love N and her mom, and we have always had a nice relationship. They are considerate and kind, and we have literally never had any conflicts in the six years that I have been working with them. I know that I am for sure invited to N's bat mitzvah, and also N's mom recently took a new job that will involve some traveling, and before she took the job she asked me if I would be able to stay overnight if a business trip comes up, even if I am employed full time somewhere else. I said that that would not be a problem.
But the business trips and stuff would probably be once every six months or so, and I really love N! she is like a miniature friend, we go get manicures and frozen yogurt together and now that shes 11 she often confides in me about all of her preteen angst. I told her she can call me whenever she needs to talk to me. But i was wondering if, given my previous relationship with this family, would it be weird if every so often i had lunch with N, either alone or with her mom too? I wouldn't want to be paid or anything, but you know, after six years of spending time with her, its gonna be really strange not seeing her regularly. So any ideas about maintaining a relationship with a family after you move on professionally would be welcome!
I have been in a similar position. I was a live in nanny during the summers for a family with three small children and then did date nights and occassional afternoons during the school year the last two years of high school and through college.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got a job in a different field after graduation, I also agreed to babysit when the parents needed to travel and told the mom to call me as a back up if she ever needed.
Since this mom was a little bit offended that I wanted to work in my field and not just nanny for her, coming to visit and hang out at the house was a little bit uncomfortable. I really missed the kids though and one day I asked to take the kids to the movies. Of course there was a preview for a movie they wanted to see and I told them I would take them. Then when that movie came out, I would tell the mom that I had promised the girls that I would take them and so she would let me.
Now the mom has adjusted to my working full time somewhere else and seems to be happy for whatever time I can spend with them instead of feeling jealous and I am more comfortable spending time visiting the whole family at their house. Also now that the girls have cell phones, texting is a good way to stay in touch and let the kids feel like you are still there for them without physically being there...
With other families that I have tried to maintain relationships with it has gotten to be too much. I was laid off from my non child care job a couple of years ago and I worked as a part time nanny for three families during that time. Now that I have gone back to work, I am still trying to maintain relationships with those families and right now I am babysitting 25-30 hours a week and working 40-45 hours a week. So... In this case it is not working out so well....
I think that the kids having a nice relationship long term with their nanny is every parents fantasy.
ReplyDeleteHaving a 'big friend' to talk to in these next dew years will be important to her, and her parents will appreciate your good guidance.
I, frankly, have only been really good with one of my families long term. One job I was too sad after dealing with the kids and the other two moved away.
But the kids I see I've literally been in contact with for 11 years since i last worked there. One of them is getting married! It's a wonderful role, whatever it would be called, to play in a growing kids life, so enjoy!
OP, it all depends on the dynamics of your relationship w/the parents. This mother sounds great and you haven't had any issues w/her in the six years that you worked for her. I would say it is completely normal to want to stay in touch w/N. I seriously doubt the mother would have issues w/you and her daughter hanging out and doing lunch or whatever. In fact, I bet she will be glad that her daughter has a "big sister" that she can confide in and do stuff w/.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a wonderful Nanny/friend to N and I think the whole family is very blessed to have you in their lives.
Absolutetly! Go for it. I've cared for kids 20+ years and I have close relationship with 95% of the families n kids. I have some that come from out of town to spend school breaks with me. Some just hang out with me. I definintly have online communication with all of them. They found me on Facebook n requested friendship. Makes me know I've done good.
ReplyDeleteI have been watching one family since I was 12 (I just turned 28) and still maintain a relationship with them. The oldest just graduated high school but I went to his baseball games as well as dance or plays of the younger kids. I keep up with another family that I've known for 8 years by taking the kids special places for their birthdays or hollidays and by going to their school programs or other activities as well.
ReplyDeleteI was an au pair for 5 year old twin boys last year and I fell in love. I adore them, and even though I stopped working for the family and they have a new au pair, I still live in the area and see them every so often. A couple of weeks ago, the family invited me to the pool and then to lunch at their country club. I wasn't paid, it was just to hang out. I DO still babysit for them once in a while though, but sometimes I just want to go and spend time with my boys.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely not weird! All of my charges/past charges are still relatively young (5 and under) but I take any opportunity I can to either babysit or just stop in for a visit. I want to make sure the little guys remember me and I want to be able to see them grow up and mature into little people, even if I can't be their nanny anymore. (E and C, 5 and 3 are in school now, and B, 1 has a new nanny since I started working for my city full time.) It's never easy, but I just can't imagine being such a big part of a child's life and then simply disappearing. After all, they are a big part of my life too!
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely keep in touch! I was a nanny for 2 girls who were 3 and 2 when I started working for them. The girls are now 13 and almost 12 and I am still very much in their life (and I even live across the country at this point.) Once I stopped being their nanny I still was invited over for dinner about once a month, I always took the girls out around their birthdays and when I found that I'd have some free time I liked to take them out and do something fun or kick mom out of the house so that she could go enjoy herself and I'd hang with the girls. They've had sleepovers at my house and maintain contact with me via email and text messages these days (as I'm sure most teenagers communicate this way!) Mom and I still talk but the girls and I have developed a great relationship and it's one I cherish. I am looking forward to having them stand up in my wedding next year.
ReplyDeleteI suggest doing what feels right to you. If she's such an important part of your life don't let go, especially if you've been around for so long. I agree that this is an important time in a kids life for them to know that there are many people who care about them and are always around.
Good Luck!
Given how long you've been involved in their lives + the good relationship you have with the mom- I think maintaining a connection with this little girl would be completely realistic and very nice for both of you. I started babysitting for a family while I was in HS- their oldest son was 6 months then. He is now 16 + a junior in HS, and I visited recently + had breakfast with him + the dad! (The mom + younger sisters-13 + 11- were away.) I'm facebook friends with the mom + two older kids. Shoot, when they were little, the girls were even flower girls in my sister's wedding, that's how close we got! The kids refer to me as their cousin (and have since the oldest boy was 3 and decided he wanted me to be related). We joke now that when I have kids, that they will be my babysitters!
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