Why did you have kids? The first one came along and I can understand how overwhelming it can be to be first time parents. I know it's hard to adjust to a baby centered life verses an adult centered life but that's one of the things you give up when you have a child, and by the time the 2nd one comes along you should know all of this.You tell me often how much you appreciate me and how you couldn't do all of this without me but your words mean nothing when you pull crap on me. When you ask me 2 days before you need a weekend babysitter if I can babysit do not be upset if I tell you I'm busy and remind you that if you had told me WHEN YOU KNEW YOUR ORIGINAL BABYSITTER FELL THROUGH then I could have, don't let your preschool child tell me 2 days before you do that you need me to watch the kids the entire weekend so you and your spouse can enjoy separate vacations. When I tell you I can't and you pull two babysitters out of your ass do not TELL me the babysitter wont show up until 30 min after I'm supposed to leave. I have plans, and you knew about them. I shouldn't have to accommodate YOU. I am here every morning when I am supposed to and I am supposed to leave at the designated time. If you need me to stay late ASK me and most of the time I wouldn't mind. Don't tell me I have to stay late and expect me to like it.
The very next week when you ask me to stay late ONE DAY before you need me don't expect me to cancel my plans to accommodate you, I work 50+ hours for you so when I do make plans I plan on keeping them. I will not cancel them so that you can get your hair done. You have a spouse, maybe he could watch the kids once in a while. When I tell you I can't don't retaliate by telling me that the neighbor is going to drop of her 3 kids. Ask me if I don't mind watching them and next time I better get paid. You get one freebie on me and that's it. Three extra kids are a handful and I refuse to work for free so that you and the mother of the kids can go out to lunch and shop and your spouse and the father of the kids can go to the pool. Also TELLING me that the father will be late, and in the same breath tell me you know I have plans is wrong. Show up on time. I'm really getting fed up with your actions, remember these are your children not mine. You love to remind your oldest that I am the nanny yet who spends the most time with your children? It certainly isn't you and your spouse.
Let's move on to this weekend, where are your kids? That's right here at my house with me and my husband because you decided you wanted to spend the entire weekend drinking. Sure I could have told you no but like the previous weekend if I was to do that you would find a babysitter or two who you've never met and doesn't know your kids to watch them. It's sad when I care more about your kids than you do.
You may have money but that means nothing in the end, one day you will regret not spending time with your children.
Here, Here, I know that situation VERY well. It makes you wonder doesn't it..knowing that you care more about a child than its parents do, that you put them first more than their parents do, and that you are more of a "family to them than anyone else can be very difficult emotionally. Poor children and stupid, stupid parents for not realising that if they are not going to be there for their kids and you are, they should value that above everything else and never take it for granted. You are gold.
ReplyDeleteI need to be more thankful that my family loves their child and that the best part of their day is spending time with him.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. I witnessed something like that when I was on vacation. Mom and Grandma were there, at the beach. Baby was left to crawl around the sand. 4ish year old, was in the water. She would talk to anyone who would come near her, as she was desperate for any kind of attention, communication. Mom and Grandma sat in their chairs, letting her talk with strangers, and letting her go pretty far out. Felt very sorry for her. Why even have kids if you are just going to ignore them?
ReplyDelete"You get one freebie on me and that's it."
ReplyDeleteOh hell no! This is my JOB and I do NOT work for free, not even once. If you set someone up to take advantage of you, why are you surprised when they continue to do so?
you sound really angry. I'm glad you aren't my nanny! I don't understand why you continue to work for this family. My only though is that you must have been with them a long time and that you are making pretty sweet money with this gig. You know starting over with a new family will mean a pay cut. You seem to be most annoyed with not being given enough notice yet you seem to have no problem telling the mom that you already have plans. I don't see why you are mad. She's asking and you are saying "no", right? Since when is asking someone if they want to babysit a crime?
ReplyDeleteA mom I'm glad I'm not your nanny because you seem to have a reading comprehension problem.
ReplyDeleteYes I tell the mother no but did you read where she retaliates when I tell her no? Did you read where I said that she told me she knew I had plans but in the same breath told me they would be late? Did you also see the reason they were running late? (Hint: it wasn't work related) Did you happen to miss the part where when I told her I couldn't watch the kids for the weekend she told me I would have to stay late and wait on the sitter? I have every right to be angry.
Money is not the issue. I could be working for free or pulling in a 100 grand a year and id still be upset with how they treat their children and me.
A mom..you said "my only thought is that you must be making sweet money" to stay with this family. Hmmm, let me tell you that the main reason great nannies stay in positions which are less than ideal is because they care so much about the children. In my long career as a professional nanny i have never met a nanny who stays in a bad job because they are well paid, not once. I'm sure it happens but it is relatively rare. Most nannies who love and care for their charges know the devastating impact their departure would have on the children and for that reason, not "sweet money" they stay. Yes i know all the usual comments will start flooding in along the lines of, "this is just a job, they are not your kids, think about yourself, the kids will get over it etc etc" but in many cases and for many nannies they cannot take themselves out of the childrens lives knowing what the outcome will be and so they put up with things that in any other kind of job would be totally unacceptable. Of course OP is angry..this was her moment to rant and let off steam but in real life she cares for her charges no matter what..even taking them into her own home to keep them safe and secure instead of being dumped with strangers. "sweet money" is not what it's about.
ReplyDeletea mom:
ReplyDeleteyou just don't get it. not at all.
a mom, you said:
ReplyDelete"You seem to be most annoyed with not being given enough notice yet you seem to have no problem telling the mom that you already have plans. I don't see why you are mad. She's asking and you are saying "no", right? Since when is asking someone if they want to babysit a crime?"
you seem to be missing the point of OP's rant entirely.
Of course OP is annoyed that they are asking her to "babysit" in her off hours. It seems like this is a common occurrence, and furthermore, it should be obvious to them that OP is married and has a family of her own. Why would she want to spend time with their family instead of her own on the weekends or nights? They told their child that she would be babysitting for them two days before they even asked OP. This shows me that they expect it.
a mom: every post in which a nanny is disgruntled or being treated unfairly is one in which you sound off and say "you sound angry." Does OP not have a right to be angry when she is being so disrespected? I think she does. Every right.
If you can't see why OP is mad, you obviously have an inability to put yourself in others' shoes. That is a major fault you have.
p.s. I see blatant disregard for OP's feelings in her descriptions. She says that the family drops additional children off and does not pay her extra.
ReplyDeleteno, the way this family is treating OP is not a "crime" because unfortunately it is not a crime to be dicks.
a mom, I'm surprised that you cannot see OP's point of view at all.
This was a RANT. Obviously OP wasn't looking for advice but maybe someone who'd understand the crap she has to deal with.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I don't nanny anymore. It's hard tearing yourself away from kids you've grown to love, especially when you see the parents don't give a shit.
OP, I've been there and I feel your pain. Those kids are extremely lucky to have you!
OP girly I totally understand how you feel. I used to work for a family where the parents never came home on time. I was supposed to work 7:30 to 5:30 but I would never get to leave til 6:30 6:45 one time the mom tex me to say that she's ggoing to be a bit late well at 7pm she came home with a new haircut. needless to say the next day I started looking for a new job.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't working parents just dump their kids at a boarding school, they can just see them on Thankgiving and Christmas, the kids wouldn't know the differance!
ReplyDeleteI don't miss being a nanny anymore, all but 1 family I worked for was "nice" until one of the kids told me that she was rich and I was poor!
I thinks most nanny jobs suck and some of the people who post on this forum are in denial and gloss over the truth.
@a mom: It's people like you that us nannies need blogs like this one to rant. You seem like you are on the other side of the fence here and you probably are one of those parents who treat their nannies like crap.
ReplyDeleteDo all of us a favor and go on a parenting blog since you have no empathy for us nannies.
Reese,
ReplyDeleteIt really does seem odd that anyone in their right mind could not sympathize with this nanny.
I wonder what a mom's nanny really thinks of her? I'd love to be a fly on the wall there!
I hate it when 10 mins ater you are supposed to leave and mom boss is not home. She rings and says i will be home in an hour and can you stay back and look after the children? Knowing very well that you have to say yes, as you are not allowed to leave youg children on their own . I would love to see and hear mom bosses reaction if i had the courage to say no.
ReplyDeleteOP, it's fairly obvious from what you posted that your MB could give a crap about you and your plans and your life. I know (trust me, I KNOW) how hard it is to see the kids you love stuck with crappy or simply inept parents, but here's the thing:
ReplyDeleteThey aren't your kids. You can not save them from their parents. All you can do is love 'em while you have 'em while still trying to maintain boundaries so that the parents don't use you up and toss you out like a snotty tissue.
You haven't got any boundaries left with these parents. So your choices are to stick around and keep getting used, or to leave and find a new position where you establish boundaries up front.
And I know it'll be tough to leave, but if you are realistic, you have to admit that you are only there at the parents sufferance. They could fire you tomorrow and never let you see their kids again.
So rant as much as needed, but know that you have to take care of yourself, because the parents certainly won't.
@Nanny 1: That is so true about what you stated regarding late parents. I can't tell you how many times a family has shown up 10 - 15 min. late on me. I have heard all of the excuses, how the traffic was heavy, blah, blah, blah..so 10 min. here and 15 min. there truly add up. However, my paycheck does not. Unfair, right? Imagine if I showed up late to work periodically stating that traffic was heavy and such. I probably would be fired as soon as they found someone else to replace me. Man..what a power trip. Of course, like Nanny 1 stated, it's not like I have the option of leaving when I am supposed to. If I ever did such a thing, I would most definitely be charged w/child endangerment/neglect and possibly prosecuted. (Not that I would ever do such a thing..but you get the picture here.)
ReplyDeleteI used to work in a preschool/daycare and when the parents were late picking up their children, we used to charge them $1 for every minute they were late. It worked since us workers could all go home on time since all the parents were either on time or early in picking up their children. As a nanny, however, I am always dealing with parents who come home later than they said they would. It annoys me beyond belief since if I showed up a half hour late every day, I would be thrown to the curb. It's just another component of the parent's power trip. :(
ReplyDeleteFlorentina, at my daycare, we have the same rule. In fact, it specifically says that they are supposed to pay in cash directly to the teacher so she gets a bonus for having to stay late. I have been working there for 7 months and have to stay late at least twice a week and I have never seen one thin dime! My boss never enforces the rule because she feels sorry for the parents! (9 times out of 10 it is the families on state assistance that are late.)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe this employer abuse of nannies seems to be so rampant. Am I the only nanny who has the common sense to spell out a contract stating (among other things) that each time a parent arrives home late, I will arrive late to work the next day by the same number of minutes?
ReplyDeleteThis is not rocket science -- the ONLY people taken advantage of are those who ALLOW it.
OMG Ms. Vivienne LePeaux that is really awesome! I have never heard of someone doing that, but it makes 100% sense. That way it will teach them not to be late because in the end what that really shows is a lack of respect.
ReplyDeleteWhat good is a rule if it is never enforced? The parents who are on state assistance probably cannot afford the extra fee anyway.
ReplyDelete@Ms. V: Contracts are worthless pieces of paper. If I took a contract to small claims court and tried to sue my bosses for breaching it, I would be probably be laughed at 10x over by the judge. These "agreements" are pretty much Gentleman's Agreements...no more.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that you must demand respect. I have walked off as many as 35 + nanny jobs due to being disrespected by my bosses. Life is too short to deal with BS and if one family doesn't appreciate me, I always have confidence another one will soon!
I retract my rant.
ReplyDeleteI've just learned some information that puts everything that's happened in the last two years in perspective.
I now feel very sorry for the kids.
OP, could you please tell us what happened?
ReplyDeleteOhio, just read what monkeyshines talks about. Father's are pigs....and no it wasn't me.
ReplyDelete