Received Wednesday, June 10 - Monday, June 15, 2009
Why do employers of nannies continually think that their nanny "wants" to take their children to the pool? This is not "fun" in the least bit. I dread it summer after summer. It is in no way enjoyable to drag your kids to your "club" and have to put on a bathing suit and get in a pool while your kids claw all over me. No, I don't feel "privileged" to be using your "club" and your "pool". No, I don't actually get to "sit out in the sun" because I am having to entertain your children. Please! Stop sending me to the pool with your kids! If you think it's so "fun" then YOU do it! And if you insist I take them, at least stop making it sound like you are doing me some huge favor. I hate taking your kids swimming!
I don't like going to the beach. I told you this when I started. But I agreed the beach would be fun and so I go to the beach with the kids. I pack a lunch or stop and buy a lunch. It never matters because whether I am eating Oscar Mayer & American on white or tomato, basil and fresh mozzarella on french, all I taste is the sand. The children don't care whether they eat or not. They are content to run around like maniacs, kicking sand in every one's face, while I chase after them with a can of bullfrog and a baby faces stick. I'm from the West Coast, near Monterrey. The water there is beautiful and blue. The water here is brown and murky and full of frightening things and body parts. I know I'm the nanny and I get paid to do this, but how does turning the television on for your children all day Saturday and Sunday make you a parent? Today I was standing five feet from boy #2 and watching for waves, not to protect him but because I wanted to see him get knocked over. I want one of them to get bit by a jellyfish or see a shark or find a floating arm. Anything so I can take this off my things to do list. It's only June and I'm SICK OF IT. The lot of it, the prep for it, the parking, the main event and the after prep. I've sand in my nether regions as I type this!
I don't know if any other nannies go through what I am going through, but I would like to hear back from you. My employer gave me a guest membership to her club; basically it guarantees my right to be on premise with the children. The first two times I went to the club, I went with my employer and the children. She sat in a lawnchair and read a book while I played chicken with the children in the shallow end, strapped on goggles and dove for pennies. When we sat down to have lunch, the youngest had an accident that required me not just to take her to the restroom but to give her a quick shower. By the time I got back to the table, my employer had pushed her plate away. I sat back down and the children said, "can we go back in the water, please". The mother said, "let your food rest" but the children begged and she said, "okay, what could it hurt". I ate two french fries and one bite of a grilled chicken sandwich. Believe it or not, running after the children and swimming for four hours a day makes me hungry! The mother now sends me to the pool and she thinks she is doing me a favor. I don't get to sit and eat like she did or sit and read, but here is the tough part- she isn't a mean person, she's super nice and considerate, she really doesn't get the difference between being me and being her. She really thinks it would be the same for me. She has made comments like, "I bet "Jan" (my best friend) is jealous that you just spent your afternoon on a chaise being tended to by Maurice, (a cabana type boy). The other problem I have is that when I work on Saturday, I always end up at the pool and I am surrounded by a bunch of sex starved, pasty old men with receding hairlines, and soft tummies and they leer at me all day long. As a nanny, I see it as part of my job to play with the children, but everytime I bend over, I feel- it's so uncomfortable and the wives all glare at me like I am doing something wrong. I'm not a showboat. I'm not immodest. Isn't there a happy middle ground I can attain? Do any of you nannies ever sit in your chairs and let the lifeguard supervise the children? I don't know how to mesh all of these worlds. I have friends that are envious of me because they think this is a charmed life. No matter where I go, whether it is Dance class or a child's show and tell, none of the mother's ever speak to me, but the father's are friendly. I'm 22 and a really nice person and I want to do a good job. I just want time to take off my wet suit before we leave the club. There have been days, I have been stuck in my suit all day.
Why do employers of nannies continually think that their nanny "wants" to take their children to the pool? This is not "fun" in the least bit. I dread it summer after summer. It is in no way enjoyable to drag your kids to your "club" and have to put on a bathing suit and get in a pool while your kids claw all over me. No, I don't feel "privileged" to be using your "club" and your "pool". No, I don't actually get to "sit out in the sun" because I am having to entertain your children. Please! Stop sending me to the pool with your kids! If you think it's so "fun" then YOU do it! And if you insist I take them, at least stop making it sound like you are doing me some huge favor. I hate taking your kids swimming!
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ReplyDeleteIf the kids are old enough to play with themselves let them. You can swim laps and get into shape. I too don't like to have anyone leering at me, so I will swim in a one piece. I don't remember anyone ever playing with me when I went to the pool. Let the kids play by themselves and you watch them. If the mom thinks you should enjoy the cabana boy... do it.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be fine to tell the children to go ahead into the pool while you finish your sandwich with an eye on them.
ReplyDeleteAs for the leering lechers, you could try an Olympic style suit with legs, and wear a rash guard over it. Keep a swim cap on, no one lucks great in them!
Oh, brother! What a bunch of lazy whiners!
ReplyDeleteI'm a mom of three littles and I don't enjoy taking my kds to the pool. It is a lot of work and I don't get to just swim. I have to watch them continuously lest they drown. It's not a time for me to relax or read or anything fun. And it is difficult getting all the kids and myself in and out of our suits.
ReplyDeleteOkay I believe you are a great nanny! I am too. But I am cracking up over the waves and watching the kid. hahahaha I totally understand. It has nothing to do with you being a good or a bad nanny, we all have breaking points and we all have a right to vent...at any job. You sound halarious would love to trade stories.
ReplyDeletelmao!!!!
ReplyDeletebravo, Jane and MPP! I love the "Nanny Rants!" It should be a regular section of ISYN, like the CL WTF.
loooove you guys!!!! lol
:)
Oh my goodness, fancy being a nanny and having to take the kids out to activities. That is so crazy! Seriously, what is the deal here? Yes, you should enjoy your job but the reality is that your enjoyment is not the priority. If this is the worst part of your job, then you should be very thankful.I am a nanny and I do take the kids swimming and to the beach. It's fun and I would much rather be doing that than sitting in a boring office like many people do.
ReplyDeleteThe mother of my first charge (2 year old boy) had me start taking him to her clubs pool to teach him to swim and get him comfortable in the water. (He was scared of even the tiny plastic pools they sell at walmart.) I think the worst part was, she WORKED at the club. So I would constantly have her coming to check on us, standing behind the window watching, and every time the poor child stopped crying long enough to have fun having me pull him around on his inflatable fish, she would come out and take him out for a hug and kiss and then give him back, and leave me to console him over his mom coming and going, and get him readjusted to the water.
ReplyDeleteNot to throw in, since he KNEW she was there, he wouldn't let me change him without screaming, if he screamed she got mad at me, if I left him in his wet clothes she got mad at me, until eventually her boss got to witness my struggle and defended me when dear mother snapped at me for her crying son.
(Eventually I fixed this by buying him a toddler pool, made for children his age, that had a deep end and a little part with a sprinkler and wading pool and lots of floating balls and fish. If your son is terrified of water, why have ME, an-at-the-time, 16 year old, take him to the pool?! And why taunt him with your constant appearing-disappearing acts?!)
Sorry. I guess I needed to rant as well.
I have mixed feelings about taking the kids I nanny for to the pool. The downside is I have nobody to talk to while I see every mom there having social hour. Also, the 3 year old just wants to stay in the baby pool the entire time. That would be fine, I can just sit and watch her since it's like a foot deep, but that whole area is infested with mosquitos and has no lounge chairs. On the other hand, the 6 year old (who is usually a TERROR), is great at the pool. He plays with his friends nicely and is a good swimmer. I glance at him every minute or two, but for the most part I trust him with the lifeguards. Because of that I usually like going to the pool and would not survive the summer without it. I would HATE going to the beach with them though, that's a whole different ball game, and it's almost impossible not to get burnt at the beach even if you're reapplying sunscreen every 20 minutes.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThese rants made me laugh and empathize a great deal. I personally HATE the beach, sand, and sun. The sun and heat make me drowsy and tired. I burn no matter how much sunscreen I apply. Sand (along with glitter and sap) are 3 of my least favorite substances in the world. They NEVER go away. The pool I don't mind so much, especially if it's nicely heated and it's an overcast day.
ReplyDeleteMy children, however, absolutely adore the beach, shells, sun, and waves and can spend the whole day there. Even my usually whiny and difficult 9yo daughter turns into a little angel on the beach. So, yes, my solution is to pay my nanny very, very well for our annual two-week beach vacation. I tell her directly that I have no illusions that this will be in any way an enjoyable trip for her. I know she will be working much harder than usual. Ahead of time we write out a schedule and agree upon on duty/off duty hours and negotiate a hefty bonus for the work - one high enough to assuage my guilt for hating the beach and high enough to make the extra work worthwhile for her. I also encourage her to have her family down to visit for a few days so she can actually have some time to enjoy the beach for herself.
Most of the posters here were perfectly right. If you don't like doing things like swimming and going to the beach during the summer, it is unreasonable of you to take a job where the employer wants you to take their kids swimming and/or to the beach each day. Duh.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, kids can swim alone while you eat, or be asked to wait until you finish your lunch if they are too little to go in alone.
As for the beach nanny...ever think of taking an umbrella? After the first scorching day it would have occurred to me. (Just saying.)But because of the harm you wish upon the children in your care I say you are too uncaring and unfit to be a nanny anyway. Please quit for the sake of those kids.
I used to work with a nanny who wouldn't go near the water, couldn't get her hair wet, wouldn't spend two seconds in the sun. It was torture for me and stifling for the children. Whether you as a parent enjoy these activities or not, if you have the ability to afford a nanny;make sure she either enjoys the sun, beach and water or can suck it up a little and make it fun for the children. Memories are made on the beach for little kids make sure those memories are good ones, (and don't include a brooding nanny with an overblown sense of entitlement).
ReplyDeleteWow, I love taking the kids to the pool. With 5 kids it's pretty much the only thing they can all agree on. We play for hours. The youngest one jumps to me and tries to swim to me. We take a break, get a snack, lay out in the sun for a while, then get back in and swim for a while longer. It's great fun :D
ReplyDeleteI am so glad my charges have a nice big hot tub and pool in their back yard. Our only problem is wanting to get in and out for varying reasons but I'd rather deal with that then going to the beach or the "club", sounds like a PITA to me!
ReplyDeleteI am also allowed to just let them play by themselves in the pool. Although they are little, they have the swimsuits with the built in floaties, so even if they didn't know how to swim, they would be floating at all times. I am allowed to sit on the chaise and sip crystal light while they splash and play, but I usually do get in!!
NYC Mom - You sound like a great employer, you nanny is so lucky!
The beach nanny makes me a little bit nervous. I don't think you should ever...even jokingly...wish harm on your charges!!
ReplyDeletePersonally I like the pool! Good fun time killing! Never had the pleasure (er...or not?) to take the kids to the beach though...
I can understand some of the points in these rants--but I have to say to the nanny in the last one: If you didn't get to eat your lunch, do you know who's fault that is? Yours! Open your mouth and say to the mother, "Can you go supervise them while I finish my lunch?" If she's a nice person, as you say she is, then she's say, "Of course, I'm sorry I didn't notice you'd only eaten two bites."
ReplyDeleteMoms, even ones with cabana boys and chaise lounges, are generally focused on the kids and not the nanny's plate. It's not that they're bad people or inconsiderate, it's that they're thinking about their families, jobs, etc. If you want to eat your lunch, then open your mouth and be heard. If you want to complain, then just be passive and never stand up for yourself or your needs & I'm sure you'll get tons to complain about!
The kids usually have a very difficult time dragging ME out of the water!!
ReplyDeleteI love swimming! What I do not care for is sitting in the blaring sun making sand castles when the water is beckoning.
I know what you mean, the water and beaches around here are discusting and I avoid them like the plaugue! When I was a nanny we went to a small pool club, I love to swim so it wasn't horrible but when the kids were younger it was a bit much! I used to nanny a 11/2 yr old and n/b twins, for 10 years!when the twins were 2 I had a summer helper because it became a safety concern for me. I tought the twins how to swim, they were good swimmers by the age of 2! They also were going off the diving board. I also taught the little boy to swim. Are there any club activities you could enroll the kids in like Tennis? That could give you a break.
ReplyDeleteI am a nanny and I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking my kids to the pool and beach. I always tell the parents up front that I am lifeguard certified and would love to go swimming with their children. Who wants to just sit on their duff all day in the house?
ReplyDeleteSeriously nannies? #3 I kind of understand, you should have been able to eat lunch... but come on nannies we have jobs that allow us to go and do things while other people are stuck inside dungeons typing away on their computers.
I love my job, I love the beach and pool. I wish my boss had a club membership, we'd be there everyday!
Yeah Wicker park Nanny! I hope your employers properly appreciate you. You sound great.
ReplyDeleteI never had a nanny, but when I was pregnant and bedridden I hired my most trusted babysitter specifically to come pick my boys up and take them swimming. Her family belonged to the same country club, but I insisted that she put her lunch on my tab, not her family's and I allowed her to stay as long or little as she chose each time. I simply paid her for the time she was with them. Kids need to be outside playing whenever the weather ermits...especially boys.
I think all nannies have that one thing they secretly hate doing, but do anyway for the kids.
ReplyDeleteNYC mom- I wish all employers understood, as you do, that when the nanny is on duty, she is WORKING. Things that might be great fun for the kids (like swimming, going on vacation, etc) are still work, sometimes more so than a typical day, for the nanny.
Okay.. again I must wonder.. Why are you three nannies? Did you think you'd be sitting by the pool tanning while mommy ran around with the kids? I don't understand these posts. Woe is me, I have to play and entertain these children I've been hired and currently be paid to take care of. What would you rather be doing all summer? Sitting by the pool alone? Then don't work. Can't afford to not work? Then get a job where you won't be troubled by having to go to a pool with children.
ReplyDeleteI often seriously wonder what people are thinking when they interview for a nanny position. Taking care of the children is what a nanny does. Maybe if you are famished and starving to death at the pool, you need to open your mouth and say "I just need 5 more minutes to eat because I'm starting to not feel so great from not eating". If she then slaps you, throws your food on the ground and forbids you to eat, she's a crappy person. If you harbor negative thoughts because she didn't read your mind and didn't offer for you to lounge in the sun and leisurely eat your lunch, well I can't help you there. All of these nannies seem to be quite capable of forming opinions about how life is so hard and unfair for them. But why can't you speak up to your boss? If you feel so unjustly mistreated at the pool, beach, or where ever - why don't you say something? My thoughts is because that's job, and its harsh to hear "suck it up". I suggest you all get desk jobs.. then you wouldn't have to be bothered by the nuisances of the outdoors on a summer day. (BTW.. I think you find children to be the true nuisances from the tone of your posts.. get a new line of work.)
I have to be very careful to use lots and lots of sunscreen, due to past severe burns and a recent skin cancer. You may want your kids at the pool, but until I figure out how to fully sunscreen my own back, we won't be going to roast in the sun. My right to not get skin cancer trumps your kids right to play at the pool or beach.
ReplyDeletenanny hood,
ReplyDeleteIf your health conditions prohibit you from performing the normal nanny type activities expected by a normal employer, then you ought not take a job where you are expected to be outside. Duh. Disclose during the interview that you will not take the children to outdoor activities and hope some family will agree to keep their kids indoors all summer. Otherwise, your employer's right to fire you trumps your right to be paid for a job that you can't/won't perform.
Well call me whiny cuz I'm signing this petition.
ReplyDeleteMini-rant: last time I took my daughter to the pool I ended up supervising not only her but a 7 yo boy whose au pair was chilling with a book, fully dressed. My daughter is still a non-swimmer who clings to me in the water, and the 7 yo took this as his excuse to glom onto my body too. He was like a barnacle. "Who are you here with?" I finally asked him. 10 and 12 year olds may be happy to goof off by themselves in the water, but most younger kids either need or want a lot of physical interaction with an adult in the water. So yes, I heartily agree, swimming with kids is extremely tiring. They sleep well later though!
ReplyDeleteI have to say, an adult enjoying swimming laps or entertaining children all day has NOTHING to do with whether that same adult enjoys being 100% responsible for the life and death of multiple small children in or near water, let alone at the beach with the chance of undertows and rogue waves (not unheard of or even that unusual). Kids of a certain age are known to find great humor in darting off in separate directions, knowing full well that one adult cannot catch them both, and not understanding how they could be endangering themselves in certain situations by doing that.
ReplyDeleteAnd being responsible for other people's children who latch onto them in a potentially dangerous location (WATER), when they may very likely not be able to get to the children's caregiver to make the caregiver properly do their job? If a lonely child with a bad caregiver latches onto you at the playground, it's one thing, but how are you going to brush off a clingy child in a swimming pool, or at the beach?
Can anyone here really say that there has never been a single aspect of their profession that they really don't like doing? Seriously, do you REALLY enjoy dealing with that irate customer, and if you don't enjoy dealing with irate customers, does it mean you should never accept a job in management in any industry because you might be expected to deal with them on occasion? I think these rants are perfectly valid. Just because you might enjoy going on vacations does not mean you enjoy chasing multiple young kids around a crowded airport loaded down with luggage. It's a whole different thing.
Now I get why parents often put in, must get hair wet in swimming pool in their want ads. Seriously, you're a nanny. You're going to get wet, get dirty, get food on your clothes. If you wanted to sit inside all day, this is not the job for you! What a bunch of whiners. Yes, going to the beach or pool is work BECAUSE YOU NEED TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR CHARGE SO THEY DON'T DROWN. It's no different than going to the park in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIt's time for a career change ladies if you can't hack the water.
geez, people. they're called "rants" for a reason. no matter what your job, even if you love it, there's probably something- maybe just one small thing- you don't like about it. that doesn't mean you should abandon your field all together. ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteOh mom, I don't think that's an issue, really. See, I play outside with my charges, I take them to outside activities like the zoo, etc., etc. Because in those cases I am able to wear protective clothing, and do not have to sunscreen areas of myself that I cannot physically reach if we are at a playground, the zoo, etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd BTW, I hate the heat as well, but I suck it up, cover up and play outside. That's the way it goes when you have kids who enjoy being outside in the summer.
At a pool or the beach, I burn through spf 70+ in less than 30 minutes. Seriously. It's not like I just don't want to be in the sun at the beach/pool. It's that it is actually dangerous. I cannot possibly keep a safe eye on the kids if I am hiding from the sun and frantically applying sunscreen every 30 minutes.
What I am not willing to do is spend hours a day in a swimsuit, unable to be protected from the sun effectively. If you can think of a way for me to safely manage a 1.5 yo and a 4.5 yo at the pool while also protecting myself from cancer, please let me know your solution.
Cali Mom,
ReplyDeleteI think you will find that the OPs posts had NOTHING to do with the fact that they were concerned about the safety of the children. Infact, one even mentioned how they would like their charge to get knocked down by the waves. It was all about how they didn't get time to eat, being stuck in their swimsuit all day etc so using the excuse that nannies don't want to go swimming or to the beach for fear of endangering the lives of their charges doesn't wash.
Nannyhood,
ReplyDeleteThat's great if swimming and the beach are not a priority for your employers. I liked my kids to go to the pool frequently, but not everybody shares that priority.
If your employers want you to do beach and pool days, wear some of that sun protective clothing over your bathing suit and 70 sunblock. Is it called frog Skin? or Frog Wear? I can't remember the exact name of the company, but there's a catalog and it looks great. The clothes have an SPF added to them. (I think I saw some at a Quiksilver shop too.) It's meant for being out in the sun and looks very lightweight. If you are able to be outdoors at the zoo, this will be the equivalent coverage of what you wear there. They even have pants and hand mitts! You can wear it in the pool, or oyu can get one of those wetsuit looking shirts that people put on their kids at the beach to protect them from the sun. At the beach, be sure to take a large umbrella or a small cabana tent.
Good luck!
Tales from the (Nanny)Hood,
ReplyDeleteThere is a company that produces sun protective UV swim wear called Alex and Me Co. They have long sleeve swim suits and aqua pants. I don't think we are allowed to post web sites here, but you can google them.
i am employing a nanny right now and all i can say is i have never heard such a group of ingrates. taking kids to a pool and getting paid for it is one of the easiest jobs on the plant. you need an attitude adjustment. i feel sorry for the family you nanny for.
ReplyDeleteNannyhood. Try Toga sun shirts. As a fellow skin cancer survivor (stage 2 melanoma), I live in them during the summer.
ReplyDeleteWhoops Tuga, not Toga.
ReplyDeletei don't see why you couldn't finish you lunch! i would have told the kids that i needed to eat and they needed to wait for me. or else just let them go in the shallow end while you watch.
ReplyDeletethese kinds of things bother me the most because it doesn't teach kids respect to just always cater to what they want to do.
i also think it's weird that other moms would have a problem with you and stare at you in your suit, especially since you wear a wet suit! it's like their jealous that the old sugar daddies are looking at you. that's weird. can't you wear a regular suit or do you feel awkward? that's too bad.
i think it's nice you play with the kids. i personally would also probably be near the water or at least partially in while the kids were in.
i am sure you are doing a good job so don't worry about what anyone says or thinks!
Ah! This is exactly why I love working with older charges (upper elementary age.) When we go to the pool I park it and read a book, occasionally popping in to dive for pennies and play with the kids. I wish I could offer a solution for you girls!
ReplyDeleteAs for Mom's comment, I'm so hit or miss with you. Occasionally you hit it right on the head, but other times you come off sounding arrogant and pompous. Your comments about the beach nanny are my case in point. She may not be able to utilize an umbrella because, shocker, she may be playing with her kids. I know when I take my charges to the beach we're going non-stop, only really sitting to take a lunch break. So an umbrella could very well not be useful to her. (Just saying.) And the girl isn't trying to hurt her charges- she's just frustrated. It was funny. Get over yourself.
I don't know why so many people are saying all
ReplyDeletethese posters should take another line of work. OP #1 would like some recognition for her work. OP #3 does not feel comfortable in her employers' club, and I totally get what she means (I thought her employer's comment was totally inappropriate btw). As for OP #2, she is not a beach person. I am not much of a beach person either so she has all my sympathy.
Well NJ,
ReplyDeleteI feel for the woman with the skin cancer issue. My husband's family has that so I am well aware of how careful people have to be. I've had to be that way with my own kids as a result. We swam daily in the summer, slathered in sunscreen, and my kids were always the whitest kids of all the neighborhood kids at the end of the summer. Had one of the kids ever turned up with a skin cancer issue, or had our dertmatolgist recommended it, that would have stopped in its tracks. We also have visited the dermatologist each year to have each child carefully examined for moles etc. I take skin cancer seriously. My husband has had several basal cell tumors removed and his sister has had three melanomas. She was told by her dermatologist that one of her sons was in such danger of skin cancer that she was to stop all outdoor activities for him entirely.
However, my larger point is that, if nanny works for a family that expects her to take the kids to the beach and pool, her right to cover up does NOT "trump" the kid's right to swim, or the parents desire to have her take them to the beach. If there's a serious medical or other issue that may hinder the nanny from performing the normal tasks a parent might expect of a nanny, I think it ought to be disclosed during the interview. I think she needs a family that does not require daily swimming (which it sounds like she may have)...because, if I were that nanny, I wouldn't go out to the pool constantly myself, having had two melanomas already. It's too dangerous.
My only objection to these posts is people taking jobs that they ought to at least suspect (if they didn't ask outright) might require these types of activities, and then complaining later when they are asked to do them. Not every aspect of any job is going to be wonderfully amusing. Just do it...or don't. But if you're getting paid to do it, I suggest doing it. If you either can't or won't do it, take a different job.
Mom, I think we're talking at cross purposes here. I would never interview for, and definitely never TAKE a job where one of the requirements was my being at the pool for hours every day. That would be a poor fit for me, given my "delicate" skin, and a crummy deal for the kids and their parents.
ReplyDeleteI just think that the idea that taking kids to the pool is "fun" for nanny, and not really all that much work is the issue. At least it is for me and the 3 OP's...
Supervising kids at a pool is stressful, nanny doesn't have much fun, and nanny is definitely working non-stop.
Uh... did the job list in it's requirements: Nanny shouldn't be stressed, Nanny has fun, & Nanny must not have to work non-stop?
ReplyDeleteIf so, sign me up!
Nanny hood, I get what you are saying...and I suppose this is a rant, hopefully that means it isn't an attitude issue. Just because an activity that the kids LOVE (assuming you are with that type of family) is stressful, hard, and annoying for the nanny doesn't mean that she/he shouldn't have to do it (with a pleasant attitude).
I've been to the aquarium so many times I could just die from boredome, but my little guy likes it so I put a smile on my face and make faces at the sharks. There are always some aspects of our jobs we aren't going to like, this is where your attitude about it makes the difference.
nannyhood,
ReplyDeleteYes, it sounds like we're digging our heels in on completely different issues. I agree with your post about not taking a job that didn't fit. That's all I was trying to say.
Something just really rubbed me wrong about the line in one post (and I don't even remember if it was you or somebody else who wrote it)where somebody said her right to protect her skin "trumped" the kids' right to swim.
I think this is not an issue where one need should ever trump another, but rather one where a good fit needs to be ensured from the start. If anybody in any profession has a serious issue, I think it ought to be brought up in an interview. Likewise, if an employer wants a nanny to spend a LOT of time engaging in certain specific activities, they ought to make sure up front that nanny knows that as well so that there are no hard feelings and misunderstandings in either direction.
And for the nanny who doesn't like people gaping at her young, beautiful body at the pool...just wait a couple of decades and the problem will go away as if by magic. Heheheehe. (In the meantime, a very modest suit will make worlds of difference. Try a Speedo brand suit. Not the most fun for a young girl, I know...but it will stop most of the oogling....unless you're drop dead gorgeous...in which case, congratulations.
Mom,
ReplyDeleteThat comment bothered me too! It wouldn't then be limited to just swimming. Children should be encouraged to play outside as much as possible, and you have to be there-leading by example when they're young, playing hockey, riding bikes & jumping on the trampoline. You can't wait for a cloudy day. I worked along side a nanny who for no particular reason would not let the sun shine on her (or her hair get wet). And when she did reluctantly don a bathing suit for a trip to Jamaica (where she was able to see and visit her family), she donned a pair of white spandex shorts and a white spandex tank top, completly see through. I thought it was the oddest thing at the time, but in retrospect, no one ever asked her to wear a bathing suit after that.
I know several Jamaican nannies who refuse to put on bathing suits, say they cannot swim, and will not go in the water even a bit. They watch the children at the (town) pool from the sidelines wearing clothes.
ReplyDeleteMom and Jane, I am indeed the poster who said the following: "I have to be very careful to use lots and lots of sunscreen, due to past severe burns and a recent skin cancer. You may want your kids at the pool, but until I figure out how to fully sunscreen my own back, we won't be going to roast in the sun. My right to not get skin cancer trumps your kids right to play at the pool or beach."
ReplyDeleteAnd I stand by that. As someone who has burned at 5 pm on a cloudy overcast day while in the pool for less than 1 hour with 30 spf on, I have to be outrageously careful. And I am.
Now that I have had a BCC removed, I am also careful to tell parents exactly why I don't plan many pool outings. If they feel strongly about having their kids spend the summer at the pool, they will know not to hire me. If they hire me anyhow, then they have a decision to make, because I will not put my health at risk for my job. Period.
As I also said, I spend lots of time outside with my charges, and I wear hats, plenty of sunscreen, and clothes that keep me fairly well covered. Yes, I am usually hot in the summer. Do I like that? No, not at all, but I am not willing to risk sunburns and the accompanying issues by wearing fewer clothes. So I suck it up, because the kids like to play outside.
I make my position clear. The parents then decide if hiring a fabulous nanny who doesn't do daily pool outings is better than hiring a less-than-fabulous nanny who goes to the pool every day. And we all live with their decision quite nicely.
Nanny hood,
ReplyDeleteAgain, if your family is perfectly happy with your arrangement, then we are speaking at cross purposes again. The key is in disclosure and a good fit.
(However, I don't necessarily agree that a nanny who does swim day in and day out is automatically "less than fabulous.") While you may be quite fabulous, I'm sure there are also plenty of fabulous nannies who swim and go to the beach daily.
Jane,
That had to be incredibly frustrating. I can tell from the site that good nannies who care about kids get just as disgusted as moms when they have to witness a slug nanny being lazy or surly on the job. It's really so unfair for the kids to have to be raised by somebody who isn't fun and makes it known by actions or attitude that they don't really care much about them. A day at the beach is a great adventure for children, but not so much if nanny is grumpy and barking and makes it known to all how much she resents being there. All that says to the kids is, "You don't matter to me. You're a bother." What the child eventually learns is "I don't matter. I make people mad."
Yikes about the white spandex!!! Please tell me she kept to her usual ways and didn't get it wet?!!! If so, I hope you didn't have to see!!! Did she go to visit her family? I can picture it now...her coming up out of the water... "Hi Dad."
when I swim with kids I wear a modest one piece but if I started getting leered at I think I'd put a baggy t-shirt over top of it. I always change and shower afterward (gross pool germs ugh) and I leave the 5 year old waiting right outside the door and take the 19 month old in the shower with me I talk to the 5 year old the whole time so I know what he's doing. If the mom told the kids they could go back in the pool while you were still eating I'd say something like "Oh! that's a great idea, you go ahead and take them, I'll follow in a bit after I've finished my lunch.".
ReplyDeleteto first 2 nannies you really need to work on having the kids listen to you better before you go taking them somewhere as dangerous as the pool or beach. if they won't listen to you when you ask them to come over to get sunscreen on, then what makes you think they'll listen to you when you tell them to stop running on the pool deck, or not to go out too far in the ocean?
I just have to speak up about how a young nanny with an attractive body should wear a "modest one piece suit" so she doesn't get leered at by horny old men.
ReplyDeleteUm, that's kind of like saying that someone who weighs 400 lbs should not eat after 8pm, so as to solve their weight problem. It's just silly to assume that the nanny is prancing around in a thong bikini, and that's why she's getting leered at. Horny old men will leer at whatever makes them horny because they are rude enough to leer instead of displaying proper manners in public places. Ick.
Cali mom,
ReplyDeleteTrue enough. But, that being the case, all we can do is either live with it, or take measures (whether we think it fair or not that we should have to)to keep our own personal selves from being leered at. Bikinis on young girls are often quite striking. Men look. Piggish? Often so. Illegal? No. It's life.
Having once been young and cute, and now getting older...I hafta say I'd much prefer being admired to being glanced at and then dismissed. I'm just sayin' it truthfully....
I hear you Mom. I know youth is fleeting but when all these pig men look and leer at you simply for being it causes the female/wive types to go ballistic and they can be mean. They're snakes. Bitchy snakes. And as a nanny working in a community occupied by Caribbean nannies and stay at home mothers, it makes it very hard to schedule playdates or have my charges included.
ReplyDeleteMom, true, but that's just common sense, and you are still assuming that the nanny in the post does NOT have enough common sense to wear a basic, modest one-piece suit. I doubt she's silly enough to gyrate around with a total of 8 inches of fabric over her entire body and complain that people are noticing her. She's most likely just complaing about the disgusting old coots who drool over her because they are the type of sexist, spoiled privileged pricks who feel that they have every right to "look" because she is female and is therefore put on this earth for their viewing pleasure.
ReplyDeleteWell ladies,
ReplyDeleteI used to have quite the figure when I was younger...and long blonde hair to go with it. (Go ahead, start the flaming about my being vain...even though I have said it was clearly in days past.)I wore the suits I wanted and icky old men oogled. I thought it was gross too, but I got over it. I didn't care to wear Speedos, so too bad...'cause I did want the attention of the younger, cute guys. Men look. They always will look. They look at every single girl/woman to decide whether they want to look longer and closer. ALL men do this. It's called being a man. They just notice. They're designed to notice. Like it or hate it, we can say they are disgusting if we want...but it aint gonna change. I don't think it even has so much to do with manners, unless someone has the audacity to sit there staring uncontrollably, but that is not all that common...and the guy who does that invariably ends up being known as the club perv and everybody ignores him. I have spent much time at such clubs. For the most part it's habited by dads and other club members, who do not want the reputation of being gross pervs, or to be seen by their friends, who are friends also with their wives, ogling young things at the pool. So, while they may look, they are not going to leer.
If there is uncontrolled leering by multiple men at her pool, I suspect the OP of that post is, indeed, wearing a leerworthy suit.
uh. icky old men, hispanic, black, white men they all will oogle at whatever walks by them. i am overweight and generally wear a full coverage one piece or a modest tankini and i get cat calls. so it doesn't really matter what the girl looks like - it's not something that can be helped.
ReplyDeletehowever, i do believe nannies/moms/etc should be setting an example by what they wear to the beach/pool. call me prude, but i certainly don't want my hypothetical 12 year old daughter strutting around in a string bikini. women shouldn't throw themselves out there at men that way. (ie. be dressed in a way to blatantly call attention to one's self).
don't flame me. it's just an opinion.
I couldn't imagine wearing anything other than a basic one piece to the pool with my charges. It's inappropriate to show too much skin, you're at work.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't know about other people, but having kids pull on you and play in the pool often means my suit gets pulled around. I wouldn't want that to happen with just a string holding my top up.
I loved my first nanny job that required me to take my charge to the pool. I played with him, sometimes we brought friends along and I relaxed. I tan easily, never been burned so I can't relate to the scorching nannies, but all these uppity clubs have umbrellas and they make 70 SPF sunscreen and sun protectors.
ReplyDeleteStill though, most of these sound like entitled brats. I'd love to be able to take my current charge to the beach or pool. I'm sure she'd absolutely LOVE it.
And to the nanny who hopes the kid would get knocked over, you're an asshole. I understand about lessons learned but you shouldn't vocalize it on a public blog.
I don’t mind so much as far as the kids being kids, but what I get uncomfortable is wearing a baiting suit around the parents. I don’t like going out of town, unless I’m being compensated extra for It, of course. I don’t like not going home and not being with my pets. Having that said, family pay twice as much for having me on vacation ( I’m not cheap at all) so I’ll go. But when it comes to pool or beach, I have a hard time exposing my body around the parents. Not because I feel insecure of what I look like or anything. I’m no model but I’m proud of my lifestyle and the results of working hard and eating right. I’m completely happy to look exactly like I do. Nevertheless, Im unsecured bc I’m Brazilian and all I have is my Brazilian Bikine’s ( none of them are thongs ). They are a bit smaller than your average ones and I have a big butt so it gets a little” cheeky” no matter what. Don’t get me wrong, those are the same I have comfortably worn around family, friends, nephews, my parents, but when it comes to being on a “nanny duty” I get uncomfortable/scared. I have worked with family who made me feel so comfortable about that and even supported how I looked in them and understood it’s a cultural thing and they welcomed and respected that. I never felt watched or judged while watching their little ones and they would never allow any of the others moms to say or question anything. They were awesome! but not everyone is like that and I don’t own one piece nor will I ever wear one. So when new families taking me on a summer vacation for the first time, I get super nervous. But once we crossed that bridge and they keep invited me to tag along after that, I feel better and get over my fears.
ReplyDelete