Hi, I'd like an opinion on how to handle this situation from a nanny's perspective.Some background: We have a WONDERFUL nanny who has been with us for nearly 4 years now, and she is currently 8 1/2 months pregnant. We have 2 kids - our son is almost 4 and our daughter is 2 months old. Our nanny has had a difficult pregnancy - lots of morning sickness, aches, pains, etc, and decided to take off for maternity leave earlier than she expected. She started staying home on 6/22 -- she had wanted to work right up until the baby came, but was so miserable with lack of sleep & heartburn etc that she just wasn't able to keep up with our son.
My husband and I kind of thought she might not be able to work up to the end (being pregnant in the summer is hard!), so we made arrangements for our son's care for the summer at a day camp at the local Y. He starts preschool in Sept 4 days/week, and we will be on vacation for 2 weeks in Sept as well. The baby is fortunately a great sleeper and is overall very happy, so she doesn't require a lot of extra attention (over and above what a 2 month-old needs) which allows me to work from home. So I am really OK with having her not here -- and I really want her to just stay home & take it easy.
Now, back when she announced her pregnancy, we discussed things with her and agreed that she would get a real maternity leave of 6-8 weeks following the birth of her daughter, fully paid. Since she can't work now, my husband and I also agreed to pay her full salary up to AND after the birth. This is her job, and anywhere else would provide her with some type of paid leave, so in my opinion, this is the least we can do for her. Not to mention that she is so fantastic with our son -- she is a part of our family as far as we're concerned, and we definitely want her to come back when she's able -- I want to go back to work for real at some point.
Yesterday, I attended her baby shower (we're friends outside of work, too), and asked her in private how she would like us to handle paying her while she's on leave -- should I drop off her pay at her house weekly (she lives 5 minutes from us), mail it to her, batch it & pay her monthly, etc? She told me that she doesn't feel comfortable taking her pay without working for it, and now doesn't want us to pay her. She offered to watch our daughter during the day for me to run errands, go to the gym, etc, but I'm really covered with that. My husband and I have rearranged our schedules to allow for gym, errands, etc, without needing childcare -- and I can always just take the baby in her sling most places I need to go anyway. We have an evening babysitter who we use once or twice a month for date nites, and she handles both kids. I really just want our nanny to have a relaxing end of her pregnancy and post-pregnancy period while getting paid for it like I was able to do, and like many other working women enjoy. I know this is a weird question, but how can I convince our nanny that she deserves full maternity pay for her maternity leave??
Is she from the US? If not she may not know that it is customary in many jobs to get a maternity leave, often paid. And even if she is she may not realize that. I'd explain that to her, that you're just trying to do what was done for you and done by many other employers.
ReplyDeleteI wonder, however, if your nanny doesn't plan on staying with your family long. Maybe she's thinking about staying home with the baby or taking a different job and therefore feels guilty if you pay her while she's not working. I would seriously talk to her and find out what's really going on.
What a sweet nanny to decline such a generous offer by you!~
ReplyDeleteI think she is being fair and doesn't want to put your family out financially. You can reinforce that you want to pay her, but if she still refuses there is not much you can do. Or you can use the money and buy her some nice things for the new upcoming baby which I am pretty sure will be easier for her to accept.
You sound like a wonderfully thoughtful and generous employer. It may be that she is afraid you will replace her, or decide you are managing so well without her that you don't need her to come back.
ReplyDeleteAnother thought is this. Many times the first couple of months with a newborn are harder than the mom anticipated, what with frequent breast feeding and lack of sleep. She may change her mind at that point.
If you can't convince her that you want her to have this special time with her baby, you might have her come in part time, or, give her the equivalent of the missed salary as a baby gift, such as a bond for his/her college fund.
You are a wonderful, wonderful employer! You are actually providing her with much more than I received in terms of maternity leave from my corporate employers.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Manhattan Nanny; save the money for her and give it to her in some other form.
Truly, you are a wonderful person!
She may not be coming back after her pregnancy, or hasn't decided how soon she wants to return to work, or has decided not to return to your employ.
ReplyDeleteI'd ask her. You may need a new nanny.
I think she probably feels like she's taking advantage of you. I'd feel the same way. I agree with ChiNanny that she may not understand that this is a normal cultural thing for Americans. If this isn't the case and she fully does understand you could either hold the money aside for her, offer it to her when she returns or give it in another form... or, simply mail the check weekly and let her decide what she wants to do with it. If she cashes it, great, if not, it was her choice.
ReplyDeleteI hope my employer is this understanding when I decide to become pregnant!
Maybe, you can buy her some nice baby items. Or get her a gift certificate for Buy Buy Baby or some other childrens store.
ReplyDeleteOn the otherhand, I agree with Village. Find out if she is coming back. She may have had a change of heart/mind. Maybe, she wants to stay home with the baby now. Even for the first year. Who knows I would ask. And Village is right. Maybe, she feels bad taking your money if shes not planning on returning.
OP- I wish all the best for you. You sound like a wonderful employer.
ReplyDeleteMaybe- if she does want the pay- offer her as least half. Come to compromise.
This is a great problem to have, with both of you trying to be so generous with the other.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, it seems pretty clear that either she is not sure she is going to come back, or she thinks that she probably is not going to come back.
I think that she feels that your paying her now creates an obligation for her that she really must come back to work after having the baby, and she just doesn't want that kind of obligation.
It sounds like you need to look for a new nanny.
Please post again and let us know how it turns out.
I agree that you need to talk to her and find out what her plans are (with the understanding that those plans could very well change after she has the baby).
ReplyDeleteShe might want to return, but is feeling bad about taking off earlier than expected and getting up to 10 weeks (if I read correctly) of paid leave. If you are friends, she doesn't want to take advantage of you like that. I would point out that other jobs usually have maternity leave and short term disability, so this is not "charity" but a business agreement. Negotiate with her- maybe she would accept 3/4 pay.
i was thinking she may be considering it a form of charity and since you are friends doesn't want to feel 'less' than you by accepting what she may deem 'charity'
ReplyDeletedefinitely make it clear that this is common in many jobs and she may feel better about it.
I don't think you need to worry about her leaving you . . I would feel the same way (as a nanny), just feeling weird about taking the money when I wasn't working for it. Sounds like you have a wonderful nanny and she has a wonderful employer!!! :)
ReplyDeleteSkipping ahead again. Wow, what great people you ALL are! :) First, "maternity leave" is freqiently NOT paid at all, and the laws vary by state, so it's not at all customary for employees in the US to get full pay for that time. It's absolutely wonderful of you to want to pay her fully for this time. SInce she feels this way, and you feel as you do, I'd give her that full amount of pay after the birth of her baby, as a bonus/congratulations gift. Hopefully she'll be fine with that approach, but if not, you can surely work something out with her that you both are comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteI agree with many other posters and think she may not be coming back. Since she has been part of your family for so long she most likely does not want to take advantage of you (by taking the money when she knows she won't be back). I would hold onto the money and if she comes back add it to her pay and say you wanted her to have it.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have a very good relationship with her-I hope she returns to work after the baby is born!
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ReplyDeleteYou are very generous, as most U.S. corporations do not provide paid maternity leave (though they are required by the FMLA to provide 12 weeks of unpaid leave, with a guarantee of the same or similar job upon return). If the nanny is refusing the money, you should talk to her heart-to-heart about her hesitancy and her intentions about coming back to work. Perhaps you might be able to work something out that doesn't make your nanny uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteI'd be afraid that you'll discover that you can get along just fine without me. Maybe that's what she is thinking.
ReplyDeleteI think once she has the baby she'll see how hard it is and will not be able to help you out like she thinks she can. then maybe she'll take the maternity leave.
Your are a FANTASTIC employer and she is so lucky to have you.
Wow, you are a great employer!
ReplyDeleteI have been with my family faithfully for 3 years and am 6 months pregnant. I plan on working until no longer physically possible (hopefully until I give birth) and have been offered a whopping ZERO dollars maternity leave.
It sucks.
this is one of the major things holding me back from having children right now...
ReplyDeletei've never had this discussion with my employers so i don't know what they would offer or not offer me, but it's scary.
i guess i need to tell them, we're considering starting a family and i want to know how that would work out with my employment...
but a scary thing to do nonetheless.
If she won't take it, you could always save up what you were going to pay her and give it in a lump sum as a year end bonus.
ReplyDeleteWicker Park Nanny,
ReplyDeleteHere's one of the downfalls of being a nanny: in the corporate world, your decision to start a family is not a topic that would ever be discussed with your employer, because it is illegal for them to discriminate against you for it. Good luck. I always think it's a bad idea to postpone joy. :-)