I have a problem that I need some help addressing. I have a live-in nanny that we allow to use the kitchen and she enjoys cooking, a lot. I normally wouldn't mind but the problem is that I'm currently pregnant with our third child and with just about everything she cooks, the smells permeating from the kitchen nauseate me. I'm so miserable that when she goes in there to do her cooking, I shut myself up in my room. I don't think I can take another day of this. So, what would be the best way to confront her about this without hurting her feelings? I would prefer her to not cook some of these foods, at least until I'm past this phase in my pregnancy.
Monday
Nanny's Cooking Nauseates Pregnant Mom
Received Monday, January 5, 2009
I have a problem that I need some help addressing. I have a live-in nanny that we allow to use the kitchen and she enjoys cooking, a lot. I normally wouldn't mind but the problem is that I'm currently pregnant with our third child and with just about everything she cooks, the smells permeating from the kitchen nauseate me. I'm so miserable that when she goes in there to do her cooking, I shut myself up in my room. I don't think I can take another day of this. So, what would be the best way to confront her about this without hurting her feelings? I would prefer her to not cook some of these foods, at least until I'm past this phase in my pregnancy.
I have a problem that I need some help addressing. I have a live-in nanny that we allow to use the kitchen and she enjoys cooking, a lot. I normally wouldn't mind but the problem is that I'm currently pregnant with our third child and with just about everything she cooks, the smells permeating from the kitchen nauseate me. I'm so miserable that when she goes in there to do her cooking, I shut myself up in my room. I don't think I can take another day of this. So, what would be the best way to confront her about this without hurting her feelings? I would prefer her to not cook some of these foods, at least until I'm past this phase in my pregnancy.
I understand. I was totally sensitive to strong smells when I was pregnant. We had a housemate that looooved brussel sprouts... it about killed me. Blech.
ReplyDeleteCan you just be up front about it? It doesn't need to be a confrontation - just a check in. I'm sure she wouldn't want to intentionally make you feel ill. Once she knows, she'll likely be happy to be accomodating.
Oh, hell no! Brussel sprouts? I can't stand them. They smell like wet dog! And fish? even worse!
ReplyDeleteIt's so sweet of you to worry about hurting her feelings, but honestly, I don't think she would be upset at all. I think this is a perfectly reasonable request.
ReplyDeleteIt probably never occurred to her that her cooking bothers you. I think if you just tell her you have become very sensitive to smells and give her a list of the offending foods, she'll be happy to acommodate.
Or perhaps you can schedule a time for her to cook when you know you'll be out of the house for a few hours.
If she knows you're pregnant, I would think all you need to do is say, "I know how much you enjoy cooking, but with my pregnancy queasiness I have to ask you to not make XYZ when I am around - the smells of those dishes bothers me right now."
ReplyDeleteThen indicate if you are fine with her cooking those dishes when you are not going to be around for a while, or if she just needs to stop entirely for the time being.
This isn't a huge deal, IMO. I bet she'll be upset she didn't know sooner!
You're really making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just let her know what smells are bothering you and I'm sure she'll be happy to accomodate.
ReplyDeleteI think Chick said it very sensibly. I don't think "confront" is the approach you meant to take OP, (unless your nanny is already confrontational!) but just as others have said, explain to her that you are having major pregnancy nausea, and certain foods/smells seem to set it off. Then just ask her if she wouldn't mind not cooking those things for the time being, or at least to only cook them when you are not home.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post, I was pleasantly surprised that for once...your concern had an easy answer and one that dosen't contain any confrontation or hard feelings. It is plain and simple, just tell your nanny about the smells making you feel queasy and since it is due to your condition, NOT her ACTUAL cooking itself, no offense will be taken. She will most likely understand completely and be happy to comply. No hard feelings and everything will still be good between you two.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to see a parent so concerned with the nanny's feelings....I wish all parents were as kind.
I think any reasonable person can sympathize with and understand the many plights of a pregnant woman. I would gingerly confront her with your concerns.
ReplyDeleteI'm a live-in nanny and my employers leave the kitchen completely open to me as well. Once though, I was brewing this vanilla/maple flavored coffee that permeated the entire house. I don't have a very sensitive sense of smell, but the family does and they just politely requested that I try some other brew. I switched to something less aromatic and all was well. When you live in someone else's household, you have to have the common sense to understand that you have to sacrifice a few private liberties to live peacefully and comfortably amongst everyone else. Hopefully your nanny will gracefully comply with your request.
Just ask her to hold off on the cooking until you are feeling better. This stage of pregnancy does not usually last more than a few months and I am sure she will totally understand. Just communicate it in a nice way and tell her it is not her food but your condition.
ReplyDeleteI know when I was pregnant, I was sensitive to every smell in the world... perfumes, lotions AND cooking smells. I also remember being super-emotional & cried a lot, lol. I'll bet you're stressing way too much over this because of your pregnancy hormones, and it's nice that you care about your nanny's feelings, but I think Austin Nanny had a good idea: just tell her the names of the offending food smells, let her know it's not her fault, and hopefully she'll be understanding.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I'm pretty sure she will apologize profusely, and probably ask why you didn't mention it earlier.
ReplyDeleteNot sure how she's going to survive since cooking is so important to her, but in this case your needs come first.
Perhaps she can eat out. I know a nanny that also cooks and eats a lot, lol.
I am amazed by how much she cooks, and I know she'd feel like she's in a pickle; but this nanny is a live-in, tricky.
Perhaps nannies who cook everyday on their jobs and are live-in's may offer you some suggestions regarding alternatives for your nanny since that is also her home.
Maybe you could offer to buy her a few meals out each week since she won't be able to cook.
ReplyDeleteI think honesty is the best policy. Sensitivity to smells during pregnancy is very common world wide. She should understand... Just be careful as I know you will!
ReplyDeletelame-o
ReplyDeleteit won't hurt her feelings. I had a friend that i went to college with and when she was prego with her fourth child (i think maybe her third) she couldn't stand the smell of her husband. he even had to sleep in a different room! I have been through early pregnancy many times, it just never went beyond that, and every smell would get to me. I couldn't even walk down the bread isle of the grocery store.
ReplyDeleteIf you be honest I can gurantee she won't be upset, it is not like you are choosing to get sick
Just be honest with her. You won't hurt her feelings. I'm a live-in nanny and I like to have a honest and good relationship with my boss. I'm sure she will understand and will be happy that you were honest and worried.
ReplyDeletei agree with what everyone has said, she will understand.
ReplyDelete"J" is obviously a guy, or somebody that has never been pregnant, otherwise..why would you be so rude?
ReplyDeleteLike I said everybody here is right, but only fuzzy slippers has offered a solution so far.
ReplyDeleteThere are 2 sides to this. Nanny needs to stop cooking, but nanny is used to cooking and that will be many months without her favorite stew.
Sure nanny will respect Op and pregnancy, but now nanny has no food.
Can't anybody here for whom food is super crucial offer any solutions.
This would not bother me on my job at all. I rarely cook, and if fruits and veggies were a bother I could easily take it outside the house, but cooked food is not so easy.
What would you guys do??? if you were the nanny in question
I can't stand the smell of my husband, and I'm not even pregnant. Last night, he sharted the bed .
ReplyDeleteI have a solution.
ReplyDeleteYour pregnant, you're home.
Stop complaining and start cooking.
for HER.
"I would prefer her to not cook some of these foods, at least until I'm past this phase in my pregnancy."
ReplyDeleteKey word: SOME. She'd prefer if the nanny didn't cook SOME foods.
All she has to do is politely point out which foods she's having a particular problem with. It really doesn't have to become a big dramatic thing.
I'm a nanny and would not be offended if my pregnant employer relayed these feelings to me. I realize that pregnancy causes uncontrollable symptoms and it's not personal.
ReplyDeleteJust in case she's on the sensitive side, I'd say something like "Normally when you cook A, B and C, it smells so good, but while I'm pregnant smells just don't smell the same. Could you just not cook those dishes for the next few months? I can't wait until the day smells don't bother me anymore!"
That should work, and congrats on your pregnancy.
Been there, that's a good point. I guess I forgot she had said 'some'.
ReplyDeleteWell then, that solves the problem.
Not sure why Op is so nervous to talk to her nanny especially about something as reasonable as this situation is.
Op, be thankful your nanny does nto want her boyfriend to sleep over.hahaha!
Say what nanny in charge suggested. It's a very thoughtful way to address the problem.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I was pregnant I was so sick that if I even turned my head too fast I would vomit...24hours a day. We lived in an apartment building where everybody else was from the Phillipines, and they poached fish all day long...which made the whole place smell like rotted fish....sort of a "rotted fish incense" aroma. I am getting sick all over just remembering the small. OP, I totally feel for you!
The woman has the right to eat. What does she want her to do for food until her sickness goes away?
ReplyDeleteou say everything she cook smakes you sick. Maybe you need to get a new Nanny then. This one will starve to death lol