Employer's over-reaction to haircut upsets Nanny

Thursday December 25, 2008.
I have a question or concern that I would love to voice. The employer asked if I could take their child to get his hair cut, indicating what they wanted as far as a bit off the sides, bangs, length and so forth. When we arrived at "my" salon, my hairstylist went to work. He did a great job, but the haircut was "shorter" than what Mom and Dad had in mind. Mom threw a fit and Dad has not talked to me since. They were very accusatory, demeaning and just down right nasty.

I have raised my two older children (27 & 19 yrs. old) and have a 7 yr. old that is in school and I care for her, take care of my household, prepare meals, do laundry and then go to my nanny job and do the same. I get paid $12.00 per hour and I am doing so much for the family, not just the child. I take him to his activities, out on walks, clear the walkway of snow, assist mom with laundry by folding things that are left in the dryer, do all the dishes, leaving the kitchen cleaner than when I arrived. I make beds, fold blankets, clean up all the child's toys from his playroom, bedroom and kitchen play area. We interact all day. He has to be stimulated all day. I have never seen anything like it. If you are not playing with him he throws a fit.

But the hair thing is a bit overboard, considering that I had a son 27 yrs. old that passed away from testicular cancer. I wish I just had that moment to hold that boy with or without hair. He did not have hair for four years and when this woman saw her son she completely freaked out and screamed at me, and my daughter was present. She ran to the father and indicated that "I cut all his hair off!" Then emailed me over two days with insults and questioning my parenting skills, my ability to care for her son, my judgement and so much more. I felt so bad as she indicated she was crying every time she looked at him. I was floored that someone could be so shallow!! Again, he is the same little boy and his hair will grow back. I apologized profusely, but that did not work. I hugged her and apologized in person, insisting that I did not mean any harm.

Her final email to me was that she just needed to "vent". See you on Monday. When I completed work this week and was leaving I did not get a goodbye, see you later, have a great holiday, nothing!!! I have only been with this family for a month, but am looking for employment elsewhere as I feel they both just take advantage of their workers and do not have a clue in regard to raising their child. Don't pick him up, don't soothe him, don't torment him!! I do not do any of these things and she is constantly doing them herself and then when I try to soothe him when he is crying or upset, "don't do that, he needs to know how to do that on his own and we do not want him to rely on us for comfort!" What is that?? I have never heard of such a thing. Then turns around and does the complete opposite and holds him, soothes him and picks him back up after throwing a tantrum. All the things she tells me not to do?? So, what gives??

How do I handle this woman and family until I find another job? I feel so bad for the child who is 18 months old. He seems so confused. So, if he is, how do you think I feel? I just need some advice on what to say or do, when the parents react this way. Like I indicated I have three children, been a foster parent for many children, have been a child care provider for numerous families and their children, from birth on up, so I do not feel that these individuals would have trusted me with their precious little ones without checking me out first. These people have never asked for my license or my ID, gave me keys to their home and it was like "here we are, take care of us!" Again, because I am a caretaking type of person, I enjoy children and all the aspects of raising them, but I am extremely perplexed by this women's behavior!! Please share any and all comments that could be beneficial in my circumstances. Thank you, I appreciate all your help!!