Received Sunday, November 16, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
A longtime nanny of a family I am on familiar terms with has recently been calling our nanny up to complain about the way she was terminated. The accusations and assertions being made by the nanny border on crazy and are most definitely slanderous. The nanny is someone I have exchanged simple pleasantries with over many, many years but I am not in the least close with her. Still, the nanny is pressuring our nanny to help her find another job in this area. My nanny was friendly with this nanny but not over friendly. Neither my nanny, nor I wish to continue conversing with this very angry nanny, nor do we wish to help her find a new job.
My nanny, who is a live in feels hard pressed to say no outright, she's such a gentle soul. She tells me that she feels badly for the nanny who is often very upset during these calls. My concern is that this could escalate as the dismissed nanny has threatened lawsuits and even asked if my nanny would be a witness for her. She wants to find people who will go on record saying what a wonderful nanny she was. I don't see the purpose of that, or quite frankly any of this. Should I alert the former employer of the nanny that her former nanny is on a tare? Should I do nothing?
If you're friends with the family, I don't see any reason not to let them know what's going on. As for your nanny, help her to work out what she thinks is the right course. If you feel compassion for her, try and make this a learning experience about how someone should deal with these kinds of "work place" issues. You could really do her a nice service if you don't impose your own opinions on her.
ReplyDeleteFor you, I would recommend that you tell your friends and then, in all honesty, leave it completely alone--don't mention it again. If your friends try to have some long, drawn-out conversation, I would just tell them exactly what your nanny told you and nothing more. Any discussion about this subject that isn't necessary could just lead to things being awkward in the future, depending upon what happens with their ex-nanny.
ReplyDeleteAs for your nanny, I would just encourage her to do what she feels is best and to be firm about saying "no" with the other nanny. Maybe you could give her some direction about how it will be better for her in the long run if she's not dragged into the fight.
Good luck!
Hmm you guys are both in a tight spot. Are you around when the former nanny calls your nanny? Maybe you can take the phone call and tell the former nanny that she can not continually call.
ReplyDeleteIs she calling a cell phone or a house phone? Maybe you can change numbers and that might stop the problems right then and there.
I agree with Emily that if you are good friends with the family than it would be nice to give them a heads up and they might just have some ideas on what to do to make her stop calling.
If you guys feel threatened in anyway then you might want to look into getting a restraining order, yes it's drastic but it might do the trick.
If you are friendly enough with the other family, and it wouldn't make you uncomfortable to give the mom a heads up, then go ahead and forewarn her. You'd probably want someone to do the same for you, right?
ReplyDeleteAs for your nanny, she's a big girl. If she doesn't want to be bothered by the psycho-ex-nanny, then she needs to tell her she'd rather stay out of it. I know it may be out of character for her, but she needs to stand up for herself.
Good luck, let us know what happens!
Everybody here gave good advice. I agree most completely with what KC said...mainly about keeping oyur comversation with the former employer brief and to the point. NO need to make a huge drama of this.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I like her advice about how to help direct your nanny.
I would just do nothing and break any communication you or nanny has w/ her.
ReplyDeleteI find this post interesting bc in the 'nanny world' there is an untold code of loyalty. Meaning-you have a nanny that is different from the rest in that she told you what was going on. Usually a nanny keeps a nanny's secret (unless it's endangering the welfare of the child), but simple things like complaining about bosses is usually kept to ourselves. I don't know, I guess I just find it weird that your nanny's loyalties are to you over another nanny. You have a good one there, I hope you realize that.
I don't know what kind of nannies you know, Yaya, but I find your statement to be untrue. Most of the nannies I know have trusting and open relationships with their employers. Of course there are always things you keep to yourself out of respect for the person who told you and a desire not to be a gossip (like when a fellow nannie just needs to 'rant' a bit). But it sounds like the nanny in question is seeking guidance from her boss whom she sees as a thoughtful and trustworthy. I do really hope this isn't as aberrant as you suggest.
ReplyDeleteYour nanny feels bad, not badly. Pet peeve. Carry on.
ReplyDeleteGrammarPolice
ReplyDeleteCould you be any more of a loser?