Received Sunday, November 16, 2008. - Rant
This is not nanny-related, just a rant, but I was absolutely shocked at the cluelessness of 2 moms I have observed over the last few days, but I didn't feel in either case that it would have been remotely appropriate for me to say anything.
Yesterday afternoon at a playground, there was a mom of a baby about 7 months old. Not crawling yet, and teething from what the mom was saying. At one point, the baby had a plastic ziplock bag full of wet-wipes and was chewing on it. CHEWING ON A PLASTIC BAG. The mother seemed aware and completely unconcerned about it, and allowed the baby to chew and suck on the plastic bag for about 2 minutes as she packed things into the stroller, then calmly took away the bag and ignored the baby as she/he (not sure) screamed angrily at having the "toy" taken away. She also had a child of about 3, so perhaps had reached a level of complacency, figuring her older child had survived long enough, so no need to worry too much about safety.
Second observation was a dad with a girl of 16 months (he mentioned this) and another baby's mom. The dad's baby girl had brought a ball to the playground that all the other kids liked. So the dad was encouraging her to share it and take turns, allowing other kids to have it for a bit and then encouraging them to return it to his daughter, which was largely successful, and the little girl was practicing giving it away for a short time, then getting it back. No problem, right? Until the mom of another baby about the same age, who was about to return the ball at the prompting of the dad, ran up and ordered her child to return the ball. The dad said it was OK, that he was teaching his daughter to share, at which point the mom responded "oh, they're too young to understand that. I've read that they can't understand about sharing until they're 5 years old." So I guess this woman feels that since a baby also "doesn't understand" that an oncoming car can kill them, the concept should never be presented until they are 5 years old. I am just shaking my head at this, predicting that this child will be a future monster that all the preschool teachers dread to see, and will have a hard time making friends, and we have the mom to thank.
Maybe it's not nanny-related, but it does involve children, and that's what we care about most. It doesn't always have to be about a bad nanny. Moms and Dads can suck, too!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the post, OP.
One of the moms at my charge's preschool does the same thing as the second story. Her son (age 4) is the monster on the playground that shoves the other children and hits and kicks all the time. She said once they don't understand keeping their hands to themselves until they're 7 (or something ridiculous like that). We were all like, What?? Yes, he is the child no one wants their children to play with and it's so sad because it's really not his fault! These people need some parenting lessons (and common sense).
ReplyDeletewow it amazes me that some people take those statistics seriously. I mean, yeah maybe the average child doesn't know sharing until 5 years old. but thats probably when they begin to understand what their parents were supposed to be teaching them since they were born.
ReplyDeleteI nanny for a 3 year old and a 5 year old and both share with eachother. The 3 year old does struggle more with it, but if reminded that he must share his toys with other kids he will be fine and his sharing skills grow and grow each day.
I'm currently trying to teach him personal space and boundaries as well, because lately he is that kid at the playplace mall who will push the kids out of his way to get past, and every time I explain to him that he cannot do that and he must say "excuse me" or to ask if they want to play tag instead of just running up to a kid and tapping them (most kids think he's hitting, but his intentions are playful). So he is just 3 years old and this month I've seen so much improvment on the whole 'keeping hands to yourself' thing. Parents should teach their kids from a young age how to be polite and respectful, their age is never an excuse.
great post op!
Okay-- the second sighting...lmao! can't learn toi share.... BSx1000000000 LOL... some people. My sweetie-poo was sharing well before she could even formulate clear, cojent sentences. Sheesh....
ReplyDeleteAnother fun night of Mommy bashing. I really do not see the drama in either of these situations. But bad mommy hunting is so much fun, right?
ReplyDeletehuntingbad, are you on a different blog than the rest of us? What are you talking about?
ReplyDeleteum...., isn't generally *nanny* bashing... I'm just sayin'
ReplyDeleteYeah, the children not sharing til they're 5 is pretty messed up, considering you'd have to be a mental midget to really think like that, but the baby chewing on the bag of wipes isn't all that bad. If I had a teething baby (which that baby is) and I knew that taking the bag of wipes away would piss him off, I'd let him keep it. It's just as unsanitary as chewing on his hand. Look at the things that baby touches. Strollers, toys, other people, shopping carts...
ReplyDeleteI think the chewing on the plastic bag siting is horrible. One little piece of plastic sucked into the throat can easily become irretrievable and kill.
ReplyDeleteThe second one, it sounds like the mom was just overzealous and not wanting her child to be a problem to the other little girl by taking her ball. At least she wanter her child to be polite. Overreaction? Yes. Bad mom? NO. She's just probably a first time mom is all. And she's way better than the moms who think every child has to share, except theirs.
But y'all are right for sure. Just because a child may not be able to fully grasp certain concepts until ceratin ages, it doesn't mean we shouldn't START them on the path to understanding right from the start. It's not like you can allow a child to be rude until age five and then all of a sudden expect them to behave politely just because you suddenly say, "Now share."
Plastic bags around little kids make me nervous, but I don't think you can "teach" a 16-month-old to share.
ReplyDeleteSome are more gracious than others about it, but they all need to go through the "hey! it's mine!" concept at some point. I think the mom could see the potential for trouble in the game (Dad seems a bit of a freak control to me, actually) and she might have overreacted in her answer. Not a bad mom to me.
Thanks a lot, 'Julie @ cool mom guide', you managed to make another mom look like a clueless idiot.... babies chewing on plastic baggies is ok???
ReplyDeleteI don't see why you can't give a shout out to the name of the park and hopefully out these dreadful mothers!
ReplyDeleteOP, blog moderator, please update post to include location of said events!
"OP, blog moderator, please update post to include location of said events!"
ReplyDeleteHi ro ...
I would be more than happy to list the name of the place this incident happened. OP?
MOm, it's so odd that you mentioned that. My sister and I were just talking about a woman who worked at our parish when we were kids. SHe had 6 kids, and she always seemed utterly spent and exhausted. Her kids were constantly in danger-running in front of cars in the parking lot, pushing each other out of trees, and she never once tried to intervene.
ReplyDeleteWe used to joke that she was secretly hoping they'd kill each other. After Casey made the news, we both wondered if she subconsciously wanted something to happen to them.
Oops, I think I was commenting on a different thread.
ReplyDeleteOh my word. Really? Everyone is losing sleep over a sealed ziplock bag? Come on, people!! There are bigger things in life to be worried and upset about. This mom was aware of what her child was doing and was close by. it's not like she left the baby in another room, alone, with a plastic grocery bag over her head. Yes, safety first, but a little common sense goes a long way. This was about a 1 out of 10 on the OMG SO DANGEROUS scale. Lighten up.
ReplyDeleteYou're kidding, I HOPE you're kidding?! Have you never been told that a piece of plastic stuck in a baby's airway can suffocate them? And you think that's OK???????? This is horrifying!
ReplyDeleteAs for the mom who feels children cannot grasp the concept of sharing or taking turns until they are 5...that must be news to all parents who have more than one child under 5. They may not LIKE it, but they can understand it if they are exposed to it, and repetition helps immensely. I pity the people who will have contact with that child over the next 3 years. Can you imagine this mom trying to explain to the child's preschool teacher why he is always snatching toys out of other kids hands and thinks every toy at the school belongs to him personally?
There is a mom I have seen a couple of times at an indoor play place and her child is 17 months old. She is one of those moms that does say these are the rules, she asks them. She acts like take turns will harm her kids. Then she struggles with her screaming child because I am sure it is the same way at home.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me laugh inside, get a friggin clue.
Cali mom--can you really say that chewing on a closed ziplock bag is horrifying in light of children being abandoned, emotionally scarred by their father, and all of the other terrible things we've been discussing on this board lately? I think You're Kidding, Right? got it spot on when she said, "This was about a 1 out of 10 on the OMG SO DANGEROUS scale. "
ReplyDeleteOf course it's not a great idea, and I would never do it because it's a nanny's job to be above reproach--but I certainly wouldn't get my panties in a twist if a mom momentarily let her child gum a closed ziplock bag while she stood next to the child and put something else away before taking the bag back.
Emily
ReplyDeleteI like you as a poster. I like the passion you invoke in your writing. But, I've noticed for 2 days now that you're trying to nag at other posters because of comments they've made about other issues. Just because one is more important than the other doesn't mean we aren't allowed to discuss it. Leave everyone's opinions alone please, and stop ragging them because you don't think they're justified.
TTH: I'm interested that you think I'm 'ragging' on other posters. I just think I'm giving my opinion, just as everyone else does. Can you tell me specifically what you don't like about my comments? Then perhaps I'll understand what you mean and can consider changing how I respond.
ReplyDeleteEmily:
ReplyDelete"Isn't it sad that we're just talking about American children being abandoned and no one stepping up to take care of them in the same breath as we address adopting children from Russia and China?
It's tragic what happens to children all over the world--not one of them is worth more or less than an American child--but why is it that foreign adoption is all we're talking about? These abandoned American children need loving families as well."
2:12 PM
"Cali mom--can you really say that chewing on a closed ziplock bag is horrifying in light of children being abandoned, emotionally scarred by their father, and all of the other terrible things we've been discussing on this board lately? I think You're Kidding, Right? got it spot on when she said, "This was about a 1 out of 10 on the OMG SO DANGEROUS scale. "
9:07 AM
I'm not trying to give you a hard time, Emily, so please don't be mad. I happen to think you are a really honest poster, which is why I like you, but it's just that I feel like you're picking and choosing what other posters feel is important, and trying to downplay it. Yes, we know American children are being abused and need help, but we just happened to get on the subject of Chinese children. And you may not think chewing on a plastic bag is important, but cali mom and several others DO. So just because there are other more horrific things going on, it doesn't mean that we can't still discuss these issues, too.
Thanks for the feedback, TTH.
ReplyDeleteI can only defend myself by saying that I like to give my opinion directly in response to other posters and within the framework of other things we're talking about.
There ought to be a test to be a parent. Anyone can get knocked up, that's the truth of it all. Applying common sense is another thing all together. Let's give these people a sign, something to the effect of "Please help, I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree."
ReplyDeleteYes, to the poster who said there are worse things parents do to children. Of course there are worse things, but then a child suffocating from swallowing a piece of plastic is pretty horrid in my book. I guess you find that an acceptable death because it may or may not happen.
Do you think we should sterilize people who don't fit your qualifications for parenting? Or maybe we should just force them into abortions?
ReplyDeleteIt's not just one poster who thinks that a moment of chewing on a bag of wipes with mom's hands inches from the kid isn't a hysterics-worthy offense.
Jeez. Talk about hysterical.
ReplyDeleteThis is about to get ridiculous. All emily was saying is that there is no reason to overreact and tar and feather this woman in the town square because she let her kid chew on plastic. Of course you shouldn't do it...Emily agrees...Of course choking on plastic can be hazardous and fatal...Emily also agrees with this. She just didn't think this particular situation OP describes was something to be HORRIFIED over. And I agree.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jersey!
ReplyDeleteI think that people should get fixed. But... Dr's won't let them.. I have been trying to get fixed since I was 18. Telling them I wouldn't be a good mom, and I don't want kids. But they don't care. Even after I had 3 miscarriages and 2 abortions becasue birth control has decided not to be my friend. They still wouldn't do it.
ReplyDeleteDr's don't listen, and some people get pg without a clue and try to raise a child and then turn them into a bad adult. Granted sucking on a zip lock bag might not cause a mass murderer, but the woman who thinks kids can't grasp the concept of sharing is really going to have issues. Maybe she will think that teenagers don't grasp the concept of authority until they reach 21!!! she is going to have a hell of a time, What a ding bat!
Just because LESS kids die from inhaling plastic that maybe some other things...I guarantee that it is a serious issue to the parents of every child who has died that way. Even one is too many....regardless of how many die in other, more common ways.
ReplyDeleteSorry I did not think to say where I saw these moms, I guess I didn't think it would really matter since it was just a rant. But I live in Northern California, and plastic bag mom was at Dartmouth Totlot in Albany and toddlers can't share mom was at Live Oak park in Berkeley.
ReplyDeleteOMG, OP. The way you answered that question just tickled me. That was cute!
ReplyDeleteEmily, I think that anytime a child's life is endangered, or LOST, as a direct result of the stupidity, ignorance and innatentiveness of a caregiver, yes, it IS horrifying. Like that boy who died when his neck got smashed by the power windows on his dads's car. Dad had stepped out to use a payphone, left the keys in the ignition, and turned his back for a moment too long while his young son was in the car alone, playing with buttons. Probably not many kids die from having their necks caught in power windows thanks to an innatentive and clueless parent, but that doesn't make his death or any other child's potential for disaster when left alone in a car any less horrifying to ME. I hope that answers your question.
ReplyDeleteSo what if the mom's fingers were a few feet away? Is she going to be able to stuff her fingers down the throat and remove the bit of plastic stuck in the airway? I'd think not.
And OMG, I go to those 2 parks regularly. I found this site when it was linked on the SF Chronicle parenting section, seems there are others. I haven't seen that many local sightings though.
May we have the names and locations of the nannies who think it's not a big deal to let a baby chew on plastic bags? I think it would be a great public service to let potential employers know of the rampant idiocy of some caregivers.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the irony of your little moniker, Stupid is! If you took the time to read above instead of jumping to a witch hunt you would see that absolutely zero nannies said it was a "good idea" to let a baby chew on a ziplock bag full of wipes. We all said it was a bad idea, we just didn't think it was an event to clutch our hearts over and swoon.
ReplyDeleteAs for our names and locations, I think I'm one of the few people, nanny or otherwise, who posts on this site with my full name, location and email address available to whomever would like to come screw with my life because they misread or misunderstand what I've written on a blog, so you know where you can find me. But when I write I do so with the knowledge that my comments are not anonymous like pretty much everyone else here, so I'm completely ready to defend them in real life as I do so often on this site.
Welcome to my world! my boss is a Harvard grad, and stay at home mom with zero clue on everything maternal, she hired me because I come highly recommended with 16 yrs experience, but yet she undermines everything I do or say.
ReplyDeleteThe children are told that they are the bosses and they can do whatever they like, which of course means they fight each other, and no one knows how to mediate or say sorry or compromise.
I am just looking at the next generation. My boss does this because she 'loves' her children.