When: Monday 9/29 - morning. Infant (newborn) child wailing in Snap-N-Go type stroller. Baby nurse very tall, black w/carribean accent, long braids, wearing nursing uniform and sweater. She was not tending to child, shopping for older girls clothing (age 5+). Mom w/baby in carrier approaches to express her opinion (baby too young for public exposure, etc.) Right, wrong, indifferent, as to commentary from Mom, baby nurse goes nuts. "F" and "B" words flying. Threatened the woman with bodily harm, telling her to "mind her own business", "she's lucky she didn't get hit", says "the mother will never have another baby at her age", to go home and "clean her house since she has nothing better to do" and that "all these moms spoil their babies by picking them up when they cry". Among other niceties.... She said "her boss is OK with what at she's doing". Entirely possible, but had to put it out here in case you read this, and you're not.
Saturday
UWS Manhattan (77th/B'way) - Children's Place
Received Saturday, October 4, 2008.
When: Monday 9/29 - morning. Infant (newborn) child wailing in Snap-N-Go type stroller. Baby nurse very tall, black w/carribean accent, long braids, wearing nursing uniform and sweater. She was not tending to child, shopping for older girls clothing (age 5+). Mom w/baby in carrier approaches to express her opinion (baby too young for public exposure, etc.) Right, wrong, indifferent, as to commentary from Mom, baby nurse goes nuts. "F" and "B" words flying. Threatened the woman with bodily harm, telling her to "mind her own business", "she's lucky she didn't get hit", says "the mother will never have another baby at her age", to go home and "clean her house since she has nothing better to do" and that "all these moms spoil their babies by picking them up when they cry". Among other niceties.... She said "her boss is OK with what at she's doing". Entirely possible, but had to put it out here in case you read this, and you're not.
When: Monday 9/29 - morning. Infant (newborn) child wailing in Snap-N-Go type stroller. Baby nurse very tall, black w/carribean accent, long braids, wearing nursing uniform and sweater. She was not tending to child, shopping for older girls clothing (age 5+). Mom w/baby in carrier approaches to express her opinion (baby too young for public exposure, etc.) Right, wrong, indifferent, as to commentary from Mom, baby nurse goes nuts. "F" and "B" words flying. Threatened the woman with bodily harm, telling her to "mind her own business", "she's lucky she didn't get hit", says "the mother will never have another baby at her age", to go home and "clean her house since she has nothing better to do" and that "all these moms spoil their babies by picking them up when they cry". Among other niceties.... She said "her boss is OK with what at she's doing". Entirely possible, but had to put it out here in case you read this, and you're not.
The nanny obviously overreacted and shouldn't have yelled or threatened the other woman, but there is an epidemic of women in NYC who don't hesitate to give moms/caretakers snarky unsolicited advice. This woman was either shopping for the infant's sister-- which would have been at the direction of the mother--or she was shopping for her own daughter who is 5 and not dead...so she probably knows how to take care of a baby.
ReplyDeleteReally the lesson is: Unless the child is in immediate danger keep your trap shut! It's none of your business!
She shouldn't have 'gone postal' on the lady but the lady overstepped her bounds too.
ReplyDeleteI would be livid if someone came up to me and told me I was doing something wrong with the child I nanny for. I probably wouldn't scream and yell and threaten the offender but I would have smarted off at her.
I understand as a society we need to watch out for everyone but there is a line you don't cross and this incident is one of them. There was no reason for the mother to tell the nanny the child shouldn't be out. I bet the mother knew the nurse took the baby out.
I don't understand....there are posts when OP's don't do anything, and now there are posts that the OP (in this case the other woman) did something and that was wrong. Are we supposed to intervene when we are concerned, or not?? There are hypocrites on this site.
ReplyDeleteThere's a big difference between intervening when a child is in danger and sharing your opinion. If you can't figure out the difference then you should probably just not say anything.
ReplyDeleteHere's an example to help you understand:
ReplyDeleteWhen I see a mother at the grocery store buying tons of crap food I don't go up to her and lecture her about childhood obesity or diabetes. On the other hand, if I see that a mother has her back turned to her cart for a minute and her kid is about to fall over the edge I would not hesitate to say "Hey, watch out!"
oh..geesz. I have no idea where to begin. What did the baby nurse do wrong? It's opinion if you think the baby is too young (I tend to agree but thats not some sortof law!!) Its your opinion if the baby was crying too long (I maybe wouldnt let a child cry for more than a minute or two..but thats an opinion) I am pretty sure a newborn out with a baby nurse wouldn't go unnoticed by a new mommy...so I highly doubt she didn't have permission. What if this baby has colic? Somethimes there is nothing you can do to stop the crying. I def. don't think the women should have approached the baby nurse...I don't think the baby nurse should have cussed in the thought that there might be kiddos nearby but its totally normal to get defensive. I know I would talk back to a nibby bystander who gave me his 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first nannied with my little 18month old who was fighting cancer, his bald head drew many comments from , he needs a sun hat(oh sorry he hates that feeling on his head since hes sooo sensitive from chemo!) to did you put sunscreen on that head?( why yes I did thanks for asking you friggin idoit!) It was always rude..I wanted to badly to cuss out a couple of them. Leave the baby nurse alone!
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ReplyDeleteExcellent point, gimme a break!
ReplyDeleteagreed: gimmee a break hit the nail on the head.
ReplyDeleteAgreed gimme a break. Couldn't have said it better myself.
ReplyDeleteSometimes these busy bodies need to mind their own business. It's one thing, as a society, to look out for a child's safety..it's quite another to offer someone advice on how to raise said child.
The previous commenters said everything I'd want to say about this post. The baby nurse obviously overreacted but the other woman never should have confronted her in the first place.
Gimme a break,
ReplyDeleteOh my. Sweetheart, this site is about nannies. And nannies need to be told what to do. In fact, what nannies need is more accountability and more supervision. After all, they are taking care of precious, helpless human beings.
So by all means, if you see a nanny not doing her job, tell her. Find out who she works for and tell her employer. Take her picture. Post it here.
Accountability!
Accountability!
Accountability!
Accountability!
Accountability!
This reminds me of the constant unsolicited opinions I used to get from ladies when my son was newborn about him being either over or under dressed....sometimes even the opposite opinion from two different ladies in the same day, while in the same outfit. What is is with women having to decide whether every single baby they see is potentially either too warm or cold? I quickly began to realize that older ladies seem to always think a baby is too hot. My mom always thought they were too cold...always. You just can't win sometimes. And, having experienced my share of unsolicited advice over the years, I would suggest not saying anything about minor, unimportant matters...especially those that tend to be strictly a matter of opinion...like when, where, how, or whether to breastfeed, or the baby's probable comfort level in his clothing (unless it's a no brainer obvious situation where every rational person would agree that the child is probably suffering), or whether he is old enough to be out and about. Just leave those things to the parents and raise your own, I would say.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of when I went to a baby shower for my sis in law (my really sweet one who I LOVE) and her baby son. I brought my sons, one of whom was a boy exactly 5 days older than her brand new firstborn baby. It was being given by our mother-i-law's friends, who are a bit "older", so I knew from experience to either dress my baby very lightly (and have a blanket in hand), or suffer the consequences. (It was going to be inside somebody's air conditioned house, so really any baby outfit, besides maybe a parka, would have been fine.) I was concerned when I got to my sister-in-law's house to pick her up and saw that she had dressed her baby in an outfit with long legs and sleeves on it (all cotton, completely breathable.) I knew she had carefully chosen a really cute outfit for him, but I was also afraid the ladies would give her grief. I thought quickly and decided to leave her be with her choice and hope everybody behaved. Well, they didn't. It was so incredibly rude and I felt really bad for her when almost every single lady made some stupid comment like, "Poor little boy. He looks so hot." He was not hot. My baby required a blanket be thrown over him because of the air conditioning, but was he too hot in their estimation? No. It really sort of ruined the shower for her, because she felt like they were all calling her a bad mother. I apologized on the way home and told her that I was afraid of that because they had all done it to me many times before too, but that I could tell she had dressed him carefully before the shower and didn't want her to feel like she had to go throw something else on him last minute to please a bunch of biddies. I also told her for the record that her baby had probably been more appropriately dressed for the air conditioning than mine in the end.
Some people don't like being helped at all. I was in a grocery store once and this lady was pushing her maybe 3 or 4 year old daughter and every word out of the kids mouth was B this and B that. I walked by and the little girl looked straight at me and pointed and called me the B word.
ReplyDeleteI just looked at her and said what kind of language is that for such a beautiful little girl? The mother turned around and looked at me and said... "Bitch what are you looking at" OK now I know where she got her mouth. I couldn't say that she was raising her child wrong this woman would have kicked me into the ground. I guess I shouldn't have said anything but I was completly shocked at this and couldn't help it.
I learned that if the child is not in danger then don't say anything!
Phoenix,
ReplyDeleteI think if you are directly approached by somebody (as you were by this child) you have every right to respond...and I would have said something very similar to what you did if a child said something like that to me or my child and the mother stood by and said nothing. I wouldn't be mean to a child, no matter what...or for that matter be confrontational with the mom...but sometimes saying something nice does do the trick.
I knew a woman once that I met at the park. she had a beautiful 2 yr old the same age as my son. One day she called me to ask me how I got my son to stay in his time outs (which he did because he was sad enough just to be reprimanded. He stood on our entry tile...we called it "the step"...and cried his little eyes out until I said he could come off.)She said she had tried everything, including locking her child in her room by wedging cardboard betewwn the doorjamb to make it hard to open, but she always seemed to get out. As I sat there on the phone, stumped as to what she might do, I heard her daughter (2 yrs old, remember) scream at the mom, "Bitch, Bitch, "Bitch!" Then, I could not believe it, but without missing a beat, the mom screamed back at her, "You're the bitch!" Then they proceeded to scream bitch at one another while I held on the line. I suddenly realized why saying to her child, "Mommy is upset that you did that. You need to go sit in your room until I tell you to come out" wasn't working for her!
Obviously the nanny over-reacted, but I agree with everyone else who is saying that unless there is some kind of harm/danger, people need to mind their business. Every baby is just so different and there are many different ways to raise a child. If some snooty lady approached me to tell me what I was doing wrong with my baby she might get an earful as well. I imagine as a nanny it would be extra annoying/hurtful to feel that every snotty lady around town thinks she's your supervisor.
ReplyDeleteemma darling,
ReplyDeleteas much as I agree that nannies should have supervision....well thats for the employers to supervise (by means of cams, drop ins, or just a good relationship etc). If you see a nanny in the store or out somewhere else in public, it is of no business for a complete stranger to tell said nanny what to do.They don't know the circumstances and agreements of her job, you can't keep someone accountable if you are a stranger.
How would you react if someone you just met walked into your work and told you that you were doing things wrong, without knowing what is even expected of you and so forth. Unless you know this nanny's employers and what her job specifically is, keep your mouth shut or at least ask her if her employers are ok with the baby being out at such an early age, instead of acting like her boss.
as a nanny, I would be offended to, but I do think this particular nanny did overreact when she started swearing. However, I believe that some people need to keep to there place and its not a stranger's place to correct any behaivor of a nanny that you do not know, unless you see them like abusing the child or something.