Received Tuesday, October 7, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
Alright, so I am a nanny and I started with a family last July. I had nannied before, however I've only been a nanny to one other family prior to this one, and I was excited about being a nanny to two boys ages 2 and 4 when I started. The 2 year old had a birthday in August, so he is now 3. Everything is great in many ways, I have fun with the boys and during the day they have fun with me. I feel like this job, compared with my previous nanny experience, is much more professional. I have a lot more responsibility and household duties put on me, and much of their educational progress goes through me. The parents basically told me in my interviews that they have taught their boys that the nanny is the third authority figure in the house and what she says goes, even when daddy and mommy drop in. I loved that, but I don't know if that makes the boys any less affectionate to their nanny.
Here is the thing, they moved from a different state and had this amazing nanny down there who couldn't move up with them. Believe me, I had big shoes to fill. Its been three months so far and I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but when I think about it and I don't think I really am. I do a good job taking care of the kids and even going above and beyond with taking care of the house while the younger boy takes a nap and the older one has quiet time. I have had many good times with these guys during my employment here and they tell me how much they like me while I'm with them during the day. But the other day I was talking with the nanny accross the street, who nannies for a 1yo boy and a 3yo boy, and we started talking and she mentioned that the parents will know if they got a good nanny by how the children are when she arrives and departs. (happy when arrives and really sad when she leaves) Well that made me question myself as a nanny. I know the kids I used to nanny for would hate when I'd leave and loved when I arrived. That was totally how I expected these little boys to behave, but they do much the opposite.
However, my boys don't get super happy when I arrive there. The older one ignores me and walks straight downstairs to where his mom spends her mornings working out and the younger one actually does greet me when I get there, usually with a book in his hand for us to read. Once their parents leave, the older one is all about us hanging out. He even gets really happy that I'm there, but he could care less when his parents are around. When the parents come home, they usually don't bother saying goodbye to me. I see the nanny across the street bearhuggin her charges goodbye and them ignoring the mom. I don't think I like that...I just figured that its healthier that my charges love their parents more than their nanny. But is that normal for them to not greet me or say goodbye? I know its harder for my older charge to warm up to me because he was very close to his old nanny and remembers her better then my younger charge. But is it weird at all?
I guess I just feel like the kids love their parents and know that when I leave, they are home. I hope that is all it is, because that other nanny got me thinking that maybe I was doing something wrong, like being too strict or boring. I guess I'd like to hear everyone's opinions.
Don't get me wrong, during the day these kids love me and we have a great time, when the parents do drop in, the boys will let them know how much fun they're having with me. Its only when I leave for home and arrive to work. I think I might have let the opinion of the nanny across the street get to me too much. But when it comes down to it, I'd much rather have these boys be more excited that daddy and mommy are home then anything else. Thank you and I appreciate the responses.
I agree - you are letting the opinion of the other nanny get to you too much. I also agree that it is a good thing the kids are excited to see and spend time with their parents. It sounds like you are doing a great job, and from what you said, the kids like you a lot! If it would make you feel better, you could check in with the parents and see what they think of your work so far. I'm sure you will get good feedback, but it might make you feel better to hear it.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the nanny across the street, I think it is kind of strange that the kids are so sad when she leaves. You would think (and hope) that they would be excited to spend time with their parents at night. It could have less to do with how great the nanny is and more to do with how NOT great the parents are - just a thought.
oh thank you so much! that really helped. and actually today the parents told me I'm doing great and bought me new tires and the older boy randomly came up to me and goes "hey, I'm glad you're our nanny." it was really cute and I appreciate your response :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I thought about that same thing once. I nannied for a family with a baby who was 8 weeks when I started working for them. She buried her head in Mommy's neck every time I arrived, cried when Mommy left, and was ecstatic when Mommy came home. I thought maybe I wasn't a good nanny because of this, but then I really thought about it. The baby and I had a blast together during the day while Mommy was gone and honestly, do I really want to be the nanny that ends up being resented because baby seems to like Nanny more than Mommy? No! So I would not worry about it one bit!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about it O.P. I think all kids do that. Honestly, they love you. But of course they would rather have their parents home with them.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe, the oldest feels like he's not being "loyal" if he starts to really care about you. Maybe, he feels like its a betrayal of his other nanny. He could feel a little torn. Was his other nanny with him since he was an infant?
But yeah as long as you know your doing a good job, don't stress.
OP, don't listen to the nanny across the street. It differs with EVERY kid. When I worked in daycare, I had some kids who absolutely adored me. Some of them would scream when mom and dad picked up and cling to me for dear life (scary...you wonder what's going on at home), some of them would be happy they were there but a little sad to leave me, and other would be absolutely thrilled to see their parents and couldn't be bothered with me until the next day!
ReplyDeleteThere are so many different factors to consider...their homelife being a big one. Sometimes, when my charge's mom comes home, she just BURSTS into tears for NO reason. It's a purge..a release. As comfortable as she is with me all day, I am still someone who, in a very primal and basic form, does not love her "unconditionally" like only a parent would. Kids know that. They're often on their best behavior with their caregivers, whether it be a nanny or a daycare...they let loose with mom and dad, ESPECIALLY mom.
It's a whole different dynamic. Your charges are one way with you and another with mom and dad. There are probably days that my charge's mother thinks to herself, "WHY is D SO good with Jacqui and all over the place when I am around?"
I'm sure those kids are happy with you. And really, it's only been three months? (did i read that correctly).
There's a lot of adjustment that needs to happen. They moved AND said goodbye to their old nanny? Any type of indifference you may be feeling is partially a result of that. I really doubt it's YOU though.
Just keep lovin those kids.
I hope they got to say goodbye to their old nanny, I believe that she is renting their old house in the state they moved from. Which I think is really cool, and so far this family has been great and they're functional and very loving. so the homelife is healthy. Thank you all so much for responding.
ReplyDeleteThe nanny across the street is full of baloney. There are so many factors that influence how children respond when you arrive and leave. Their age, temperament, going through the normal stage of separation anxiety ,how much time they get with their parents, and the quality of that time, not to mention that the time parents arrive home is often when the kids are tired and/or hungry for dinner.
ReplyDeleteYou have only been with your charges for three months, and it sounds like they are bonding with you and enjoying their day, and that is what is important. You might try establishing a goodbye ritual, like see ya later alligator. Kids like an expected routine.
O.P don't worry about it! If you know you are a good nanny do not let what that other nanny says upset you. I have been baby-sitting for the same children for 8 years, they are my family. All of the kids have gone through stages, basically at the same ages where they screamed when their parents left. One time the mom was just out of view and the baby stopped crying and the mom started laughing. She knew it was just an act. And even now sometimes they do not say goodbye if they are really into whatever they are doing, but then other times they cry and scream if I don't hug them goodbye. It is completely different depending upon the day. I don't think the parents think anything of how the kids act when you arrive or leave. The kids are old enough to tell their parents about you and if they enjoy being with you. It seems like the parents would take what the boys said seriously. So honestly, don't let what the other nanny says bother you. Her charges are different than yours.
ReplyDeleteIf you are doing everythin you can you will be fine. Dont worry. I am in the same position nearly. I have been with a family of two boys for 7plus years and one child is so happy to see me and the other could not give a shit about me. Sometimes it hurts like hell because Ilove them both. When the mom leaves he is all over me but in the morning it hurts like crazy, his attitude towards me. The older boy will see me from a distance and his face will light up like a beacon, the younger one sees me and his whole face drops, and so does mine at the sight of his face. Many a time I have wanted to give up and leave but I know I am doing a great job and I let it slide each time. Obviously the mom does, because she does not question it. Unfortunately some people are surly, kids and adults alike. So just continue doing a good job and you will be fine. Most kids are estatic to see their parents, most of the time, but it does make the nanny heart feel good when they feel the same way about her... I know this for a fact. Your heart swells with pride and love when they react this way to you, but they all dont.
ReplyDeleteIt's true each and every child is different. I have in home daycare..all but 2 are stoked to come thru the door. One of which I have had since a baby and recently she got knocked back to 2nd dropoff since a little girl now comes earlier and she's now not happy at all about drop-off and both my husband and I adore her...I can only figure is that she doesn't get time alone with us in the morning. My second child is a 4 year old who hails from a well to do family with absolutely no rules...but lucky for me she went on a field trip today, and exibited some of this behavior when leaving which highly pissed off mom ....but what can you say you raised her that way!! Anyways don't be hard on yourself kids are funny little people!
ReplyDeleteEvery child is different. Sometimes it's not you, but the child. My charge has two nannies, me and a woman who fills in while I'm in school. My charge will not let go of me and beg me to stay when I leave, but she couldn't care less about the other nanny.
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, yes, she does like me more, but that's because I was her first nanny and have been with her longer.
The kids will start to warm up to you in time, it's only been 3 months and they're probably still trying to figure you out.
Don't let the other nanny get to you, if in your heart you know that you're a great nanny than stick with it. It's worth it, but I think you already know that.
These young boys have been through an awful lot the past several weeks with so many changes! Please don't let the Nanny across the street invalidate you...
ReplyDeleteI agree with JerseyX that "there are so many different factors to consider...their home life being a big one" for the other kids. You can't compare your situation with theirs.
Just give these kids some extra time to adjust. Hopefully over the next few weeks things will start going a lot smoother.
Best of luck to you!
Agree with everyone here - OP you have nothing to worry about! By all accounts it sounds like things are swell!
ReplyDeleteWhen I started my most recent job I had the same feeling. On our two month "anniversary", I simply said, "So, today is two months. I really like it here. How are you guys feeling?"
ReplyDeleteIt took that moment for them to say, "We think it's going great!"
WHEW! less than 6 months later, I hot a little bonus =)
It took a year and a half, literally, before my six year old charge would hug me. And she's a very affectionate kid with others. We always got along very well, she is just verrry slow to get to that point. Now somedays she doesn't even say goodbye to me unless she's prompted, and other days she hangs on my leg and won't let me leave! So not only is every child different, every day can be different too. So you're not alone! :P
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think it's more accurate to say that you can tell a bad nanny by how the kids behave when the nanny comes and goes.
ReplyDeleteKids are unpredictable sometimes and really, every moment can be completely different from what you expect. I think that they are used to you being there now, and you are part of their routine. It means you are part of their everyday life and thats great! Now... bearhugs and such, those are ok too. Honestly, how you greet them is probably how they will respond to you eventually.