Received Tuesday, october 28, 2008. - Rant
My fat, ridiculous, desperate bitch of an employer is missing 70 dollars from her bag. And she demands to know if I have it. In demanding to know if I have her money, she tells me that she was already looking through my room for my bag to go through but she couldn't find it and she thought that was suspicious that I left it in the car. (I believe it was actually hanging in my bathroom, some other place I leave my bag, not that I think my bag needs to be availed to her searches!!!)
I am a live in nanny and have no expenses out of pocket. She pays for everything I need.
Today, she comes to me and tells me that she is missing money from her bag. Some portion of $70 that her husband handed her. Then she tells me that she knows for a fact that I am broke. And she is accusing me like I am a thief. Meanwhile, I have taken care of her and her family for 13 months now without a single incident. No thefts! No trust issues. I know she is moody and is supposed to be on some sort of medications for her rage, but she isn't. So she is accusing me in this haughty totty voice like she is some big wig princess. And she isn't. She's upper middle class but all of a sudden she is talking to me like she is a snotty dame and I am a peasant. I was shocked into silence. I didn't know what to say. Then her husband calls and she starts telling him that she is talking to me about the missing money from her purse. Mind you, this is a person who cannot keep track of her housekeys or carkeys or paperwork. She is always bumbling around. And like I said, prone to rage. In dealing with her rage, I have noticed that half the time she explodes on her husband and the other half of the time she talks to him like an uppity snob. And she does just this just so she can watch someone else lose control. And then, you can watch her literally get off on it. Once the other person cries or starts screaming in defense, she acts startled and like whatever is happening is happening out of the blue, instead of the fact that she has just pushed every possible button she could to hurt someone.
In particular, I pride myself on being honest when it comes to everything money wise. I am open to her about my spending because I have nothing to hide. And because I am paid by her, she knows what I make. She had no right to accuse me so smugly. So after I regain composure from her initial attack, I find her in the kitchen and I tell her I would appreciate an apology and I remind her that I have never done anything that has ever made her question my honesty in all the time I was here. She looks at me like I am a piece of shit and says, "Um, no, I wont. I can't do that. You are only so upset because you stole it. Your reaction tells me everything". Okay, so I lost it. My handbag was on the counter and I knocked it off and I knocked off a plastic container of coffee. Unfortunately when I swiped at my handbag, I did not see a glass jelly jar drinking glass next to it. The glass went flying and low and behold flung right past her finger and cut her. I don't realize what has happened but she lurches at me and says, "oh you're going to jail now, you're going to jail". To make a long story short, I apologized for knocking the two things off the counter. I didn't see the glass. I was so angry, that I do not deny. What I also must impress upon you is the glee with which she celebrated that she had broken me. She had made me both cry and then lose control. And this made her jump into control mode. She tells me that I need to be locked up in a mental ward and that I could have killed her (her hand was hanging by her thigh when the glass flew by her). I know throwing anything was wrong, but who does she think she is? To so adamantly accuse someone of thievery, simply because she, the most absent minded and bumbling of all bitches has (likely) misplaced something (else).
By the way, I am off on Tuesdays, so today was my day off. No children were around when this happened. I am back in my room feeling so much hurt and anger, I don't know what to do. I should just pack and leave, right? This sort of craziness is only going to lead to bad things.
In case you are not understanding my story, she could not have been more pleased that she got knicked by the glass. I don't even know how it happened. But the smug self satisfaction on her face was evident. She claimed first that her finger was chopped off and second that she needed stitches. It is little more than a bad paper cut. Of course she had me get her the sports tape, gauze, antibiotic and she has her whole finger wrapped up so it looks like her finger is broken. (Only the tip was cut).
And if this is not evident, I do regret that she was injured because of me. I wasn't thinking but I was thinking clearly to think swooshing my bag and the coffee container off the counter was harmless. (I used my forearm and in one motion swept them off the counter).
I'm sorry she got hurt, I am.
But I also wonder how she got to be such an evil woman.
wow! do the world a favor and smother her in her sleep! or get that broken glass out of the trash and go for her jugular.
ReplyDeletekidding aside, how could you continue to work for this woman? do YOURSELF a favor and tell the husband and kid (not her) adios.
Wow. I second Andria. You poor thing!
ReplyDeleteToo bad she didn't bleed to death first.
(Is that too mean?) lol
You need to RUN. This is not a good situation to be in and you don't deserve to be treated so badly. If you went through an agency then contact them about this women and ask them to find you another family immediately.
ReplyDeleteTechnically she can file charges, that would be considered assault. If I were you I would find another job ASAP and get far away from this women.
Oh My Goodness! Yikes! Run away!!
ReplyDeleteI had an accusatory boss before...not fun....some ppl's priorities are just insane.
Get. Out.
ReplyDeleteThis woman is clearly out of control. Nobody deserves to live like this. There is no excuse for her behavior. How could you ever go back to any sort of professional relationship with this woman? Just get out now.
You need to leave as soon as possible and never look back. Stay with a friend or family and get out. This job will never be a good one and I think you know that.
ReplyDeleteLeave now! Pack up and go. Hopefully the husband will give you a reference, but God knows what she will come up with next. She sounds completely unbalanced. Who knows if she might plant stuff in your room and then call the cops. If you can leave tonight, do it
ReplyDeleteOh my. Please get out of there. That makes me worry for the children's safety (yours too!)
ReplyDeleteI'd leave RIGHT NOW.
ReplyDeleteyou need to star looking for another job, you need to leave! i am sorry about all this!
ReplyDeleteI came out of my room and she was walking towards the laundry room, so she sees me. I have been crying and my face is streaked with tears. She looks at me and says, "you know, andrea, do you know how hard this is on me? do you think I like to think that someone I have trusted and lived alongside like family would steal from me" I put my hand up to indicate I did not want to talk anymore. My hand is drawn to her bandaged finger. She tells me, "you know, people are going to ask what happened". I say, "I'm sorry that you got hurt, that was an accident". She says, "It would be considered assault, I could have pressed charges." She is staring sharply at me. I ask, "what did X (husband) say about that (gesture to finger)." She says, "I didn't tell him".
ReplyDeleteI love the advice I have gotten so far but I don't have anywhere to go. I have two friends in this area and they both work in central Jersey. I came to work as a nanny because I could not afford to work as my real job because my paycheck there wouldn't cover rent, car and the basics. It's not like I have a ton of places to go.
My friend in New Jersey who is a nanny says I should start calling around that area and just move out one day (soon). She is very adamant that I not leave before I find another job. This is too bad because she was the one person I thought I might be able to stay with for a week or so while I find a new job.
I am so exhausted that I am falling asleep. I dont know what will happen tomorrow.
She ended up being on her way out to pick up the children. I use tis opportunity and I go to start a load of my laundry and her husband comes in from work. He waks past me and greets me in his usual cheerful way. I say, "X, I'm sorry I have to ask, but when Y told you I stole from her bag, what did you say?" He laughed it off and said, "oh no, I am not getting in the middle of any arguments the two of you might have had".
Call nanny agencies in your area. I wouldn't tell them about this incident. Just say you need a job soon and see what they can do. They should be able to help you find a live in job. Research online TONIGHT and call tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteOP, if the world was a perfect place, I'd have you stay with me. I feel so sorry for you. The advice offered to you IS good advice, but it's easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteStart looking for a new job, ASAP and avoid this crazy woman as much as humanly possible. Don't even LOOK in her direction if you don't have to. Don't react to her. Don't let her rile you up. It's exactly what she wants. You know that better than any of us. Good luck. I feel for you.
Wow, the hubby is as much of a passive moron as the wife is an aggressive bitch.
ReplyDeleteI wish I lived near you, you would be welcome to stay with my family while you find a new position. My heart goes out to you.
I think the only thing you can do right now is start looking first chance you get--tomorrow--for a new nanny job. Keep us posted, and good luck to you. {{{big hug}}}
Book a hotel room and leave vefore the sun comes up. BE GONE by the time CUNextTuesday wakes up. Do not respond if she attempts to call you, and if you have ANY indication that she is calling you a thief to ANYONE, sue her for slander. If you have been earning a salary for 13 months, you should have eneough to stay in a rooom for a few nights while you plan your next step.
ReplyDeleteThis lady is not stable at all and you cannot stay in this situation. Eventually the anger between you two will manifest itself again and the next time one of you, or both, may end up in jail or worse!!
ReplyDeleteYes, pack your bags and leave. NOW!! I hope you have a back-up place to go to, like friend or family member. This situation is dangerous and I fear that things may get way out of hand next time.
You should have left immediately instead of getting caught in that argument where you swept off the glass.
ReplyDeletewhat's done is done but she now has leverage over you.
i would leave.
In trying to get employer to pin down how much of her money was missing, it turns out she has no idea. She knew her husband handed her $70 cash on tuesday and by friday, she was wondering how she had so little left. Out of this magical $70, she gave me $10 on Friday for an errand, $20 to get pumpkins with the children on Saturday and $20 to get dunkin donuts for the family on Saturday. That is just what she gave ME. By my calculations, that leaves $20. I feel like it is up to me to help her remember where she spent the fricking money. But when it comes up and I say, 'didn't you run to the drugstore Weds night" she says, "charged it" and it such a bitchy tone. I don't know if I have conveyed how much it bothers me to be called a thief. It is really important to me that she realize where the money went and apologize, but I think this whole thing is giving her more sick pleasure.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteOP, you cannot reason with a lunatic. OR a liar. You will NOT get her to think about where her "missing" money went or realize that she simply spent it, and as long as you are trying, she is winning and has control over you. Leave NOW. Screw her.
ReplyDeleteshe may be borderline but she probably also has a lot of issues going on. she is only "upper middle class" and so freakily worried about some portion of $70 in new canaan. They wipe their asses with five dollar bills in new canaan and eat the upper middle class for breakfast.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing you could do to better the situation is sleep with her husband. That way you will get a rise out of her AND him!
ReplyDeleteCall me 8012274666 I am a nanny near new cannan I go there 3 times a week for church. Members of my church may be able to help you
ReplyDeleteAlso i know tons of familys in need of a nanny in this area
ReplyDeleteI would sleep with her husband. Why not get a rise out of her AND her husband!
ReplyDeleteHave you thought about farting on her??
ReplyDeleteI'm curious yet too afraid to click on boobsu's moniker, lol...
ReplyDeleteOP, I would definately get out of this situation ASAP. It doesn't sound like she's willing to reason at all. She's made up her mind that you stole the money. Just get out of there. If I were you, I would call mormonnanny. Churches are filled with amazing people. Someone would give you a place to stay while you find a new job. And mormonnanny says she can help you find a job in that area. Sounds like the perfect solution! Call her! Now!
So basically this woman is freaking out over $20, because you've accounted for $50 of it. Why does she even want you watching her children, if she feels you are capable of throwing the past (however many months you been with the family) away by stealing a mere $20? I find it interesting that she feels you are that desperate, dishonest, and untrustworthy, and yet still thinks nothing of leaving you with her children.
ReplyDeleteShe's a nutjob. Call mormonanny, consider her help a blessing, and get out before things get even worse. Clearly the husband is terrified of the wife, which means you have NO adversaries while you are there. Things are only going to get worse. Call now and leave. And remember that we are all pulling for you!
I don't usually say much when people have fits of rage because I have them sometimes too... but this woman is taking it all out of control.
ReplyDeleteCall mormonanny and get out of there. Take the help and leave she is not stable
How do we know MormonNanny isn't some predator?
ReplyDeleteGood point!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately we don't. However, I would think that a predator would find a woman somewhere other than the comments section of a nanny blog. JMO.
ReplyDeletehaha I agree with 'umm'. kind of naive sounding to me. but do what ya gotta do! good luck!
ReplyDeleteLook, I know ppl like this and if you think like they'll magically wake up one morning and go "wow, I'm a bitch. lets change"...yeah that will not happen.
it takes a lot to get someone that deep in craziness to see how their behavior is and why its wrong. This lady needs professional help. and maybe you need to accept the fact that she might always think you stole the money. Forgive her for accusing you but don't expect an apology for it, because people like that don't give them.
get out of that situation as soon as you can. I like Cali mom's idea of staying in a hotel. or here is an idea, do you have parents or other family anywhere? if they live far away, pay for a ticket on a plane, train, boat, etc, and get the heck away from there!
GOOD LUCK!!
You all realize that they can't accuse of something this heinous and get away with it. She can sue. I had a housekeeper at one point who stole all sorts of things from me. She was the only person in my apartment on a weekly basis. I lost countless gucci and chanel sunglasses that I kept in a drawer next to my bedide along with diamond and platinum earings, a platinum wedding band, a gorgeous braided silver bracelet that came from Turkey, David Yurman bracelets, etc. I spoke with my lawyer who suggested two things: install a camera and catch her in the act or make up an excuse to get rid of her. Eventually I told her I just couldn't afford her any longer. The lawyer told me she could sue me extensively for a false accuasation.
ReplyDeleteSue the bitch.
Um its mormonnanny... Im not a predator, Im from Utah hence the 801 area code. But your right you shouldnt trust anyone off the internet. sorry I was just trying to help out because when this happened to me my church helped me out. Just paying it forward I guess
ReplyDeleteMormonnanny
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a wonderful thing by offering your help. Some people are bound to be sketchy because that's the World we live in today, but don't take it personally, o.k.? What you're doing is very admirable. :)
I wasn't accusing MormonNanny of anything, I was just making a point to be extra careful and treat every situation with suspicion until you really know what's going on. I mean, what better way to prey on someone than when they're in a situation where they have nowhere else to go?
ReplyDeleteTo the wonderful nanny who offered help- I was so touched. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteTo the blog owner, please delete her number from the blog.
Something else happend which I am not at liberty to discuss and my Aunt from PA drove to pick me and my things up.
I am safe, but I don't think it is over.
jojobear,
ReplyDeleteThat made me laugh!
OP
ReplyDeleteNot at liberty?? You've pretty much laid it all out anyway - why can't you tell us what happened?
...Unless you killed her?
maybe her attorney advised her to stop talking!
ReplyDeleteI would like to know what happened. I want to make sure that you are okay... we are all here to support you and many of the posters here have very good information and experiences to lend a hand.
ReplyDeleteOh that sounds bad. It sounded bad from the start. One of those stories you read, and just know it isn't going to end well.
ReplyDeleteI know a man with behavior exactly like you described OP, and those things tend to escalate to absurd levels before they are over. It's like they have to have their ragegasm before they can be done. I also kind of got the impression that you are the kind of person to fall most easily into their snares. Hope you are ok, and that whatever transpired hasn't done any permenent damage in your life.
I'm very curious as well!!!
ReplyDeleteOP please check in later so we all know you're fine. I'm glad you got out of there!
ReplyDeleteYou need to get rid of those so call friends of yours as well. What kind of friend would let them sit in that abusive mess? If you didn't have a dime in your pocket I would have made you come and stay with me no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are getting out. Bless your aunt. What an ABSOLUTE NUT that lady is!
ReplyDelete