Is this your nanny? She is a very strongly built- (not fat-not thin) African American woman who may have grown up in the south based on her slight accent. She has dark, dark hair and wears it in poodle balls tethered together. Usually wears jeans and sneaks. Today she had on a yellow shirt with cap sleeves and a grey sweatshirt tied around her waist. She takes care of a little girl who is about 9 months old. There are only two swings at the park for kids this age. She always puts her bulky brown leather bag in one of the swings. Twice I have had to ask her for the swing. She makes a huge deal about taking the bag out of the swing and heaving it over her shoulder. And the whole time I am standing there, uncomfortable. I feel like I have wronged this woman. She has an obvious chip on her shoulder. She pushes your child in the swing, but doesn't talk to her. She is very mechanical in her actions. She removes the child from the swing the same way she takes the purse out. The nanny pushes a jeep stroller with a tan and brown protective shield and zip up netting. I have only ever seen this cover on, never off. She seems like such a cold and odd choice for a nanny. My suggestion is maybe you could follow her around for a day or set up a nanny camera. Even if you don't want to go all high tech, just leave your video camera on when you leave the house. I think then you will see what I see. I can't much describe the child. She has dark hair, but not much of it and I think her eyes are green.
Tuesday
King Park in Berkley, CA
Received Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Is this your nanny? She is a very strongly built- (not fat-not thin) African American woman who may have grown up in the south based on her slight accent. She has dark, dark hair and wears it in poodle balls tethered together. Usually wears jeans and sneaks. Today she had on a yellow shirt with cap sleeves and a grey sweatshirt tied around her waist. She takes care of a little girl who is about 9 months old. There are only two swings at the park for kids this age. She always puts her bulky brown leather bag in one of the swings. Twice I have had to ask her for the swing. She makes a huge deal about taking the bag out of the swing and heaving it over her shoulder. And the whole time I am standing there, uncomfortable. I feel like I have wronged this woman. She has an obvious chip on her shoulder. She pushes your child in the swing, but doesn't talk to her. She is very mechanical in her actions. She removes the child from the swing the same way she takes the purse out. The nanny pushes a jeep stroller with a tan and brown protective shield and zip up netting. I have only ever seen this cover on, never off. She seems like such a cold and odd choice for a nanny. My suggestion is maybe you could follow her around for a day or set up a nanny camera. Even if you don't want to go all high tech, just leave your video camera on when you leave the house. I think then you will see what I see. I can't much describe the child. She has dark hair, but not much of it and I think her eyes are green.
Is this your nanny? She is a very strongly built- (not fat-not thin) African American woman who may have grown up in the south based on her slight accent. She has dark, dark hair and wears it in poodle balls tethered together. Usually wears jeans and sneaks. Today she had on a yellow shirt with cap sleeves and a grey sweatshirt tied around her waist. She takes care of a little girl who is about 9 months old. There are only two swings at the park for kids this age. She always puts her bulky brown leather bag in one of the swings. Twice I have had to ask her for the swing. She makes a huge deal about taking the bag out of the swing and heaving it over her shoulder. And the whole time I am standing there, uncomfortable. I feel like I have wronged this woman. She has an obvious chip on her shoulder. She pushes your child in the swing, but doesn't talk to her. She is very mechanical in her actions. She removes the child from the swing the same way she takes the purse out. The nanny pushes a jeep stroller with a tan and brown protective shield and zip up netting. I have only ever seen this cover on, never off. She seems like such a cold and odd choice for a nanny. My suggestion is maybe you could follow her around for a day or set up a nanny camera. Even if you don't want to go all high tech, just leave your video camera on when you leave the house. I think then you will see what I see. I can't much describe the child. She has dark hair, but not much of it and I think her eyes are green.
And......
ReplyDeleteWhy can't she set her purse in the stroller or on the ground? Or, here's a thought, get a less bulky purse, or even a backpack.
ReplyDeleteShe sounds rude. She should hang it on the stroller, or just set it in the sand, or at least move it without being asked if someone obviously wants to use the swing.
ReplyDeleteIs this the playground on Hopkins, right next to the King School track and the pool? I've only been there twice and once was the time I saw someone, not sure if it was mom or nanny, have their little boy pee AND poop RIGHT in the playground, in the dirt. She picked up the poop after he was done, with a plastic bag, like you would with a dog, but the boy was a rude brat and that really grossed me out and I haven't been back there since.
While it isn't earth shattering, it does seem like you may have encountered one of the most annoying nannies in your area.
ReplyDeleteIf I were you, I would ignore her completely and coo and babble with her little charge. And make sure she sees how you swing and talk to your own child. Some people are positively clueless when it comes to providing care.
Sounds like a great way to bring out the autism in a child -- having a cold, non-communicative, mechanical main caregiver.
ReplyDeleteVery f***ed up but all too common.
4:37 PM, it's an interesting comment, but you cannot "bring out" autism by mistreating or being "cold" to a child.
ReplyDeleteVaccinations, however, are another story.
There is absolutely no proof that there is a connection between vaccinations and autism. There is, however, a correlation between certain things like watching large amounts of television under the age of 3. So, in point of fact, there are things that one could do to "bring out" autism in a child who was already inclined (there's no proof yet of a genetic predisposition, but no proof against it as well).
ReplyDeleteMany people mis-label developmental delays in a young child as possibly autism. Especially pre-verbal children. And although I've never seen anything indicating actual autism is related to bad child care (other than comments on this site), lack of communication and stimulation can definitely delay language and cognitive development.
ReplyDeleteLets cut the pc bs.
ReplyDeletemother's eye is real.
like cancer, there is more than one thing that can cause autism.
but a mother who does not connect with her child does cause autism.
watching tv is on the same wave length because the problem is that the child is connecting with the tv too much and not a human being. but mostly it is moms who dont know how to parent right, who cant be maternal or are mentally ill. sometimes it is moms with depression after childbirth. thats the real truth. not immunizations. so get your kids immunizing before you cause a pandemic with your dubmness.
5:17, you make a very common mistake. There is a strong corelation between mothers who don't connect with their child and autism, but that doesn't mean the mother CAUSES the autism with her behavior. It could just as easily mean that the mother is unable to connect with her child because she is slightly autistic and the child is autistic because of the genetic link.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much we still don't know about autism.
It's quite like how people used to believe that early, strict potty training led to children displaying "anal" behavior as adults. The truth became clear over time that the potty training had nothing to do with the child's later behavior. The children were "anal" in later life because the parents displayed the same behavior, and one of the ways the parents happen to display their "anal" behavior was the way they potty trained.
Please lets not start arguing about what causes Autism. In truth, they have no concrete proof of any cause (other than certain types where genetics plays a role..and I know this to be true because I have friends with two autistic children who were told by a genetic counselor that they are carries for "fragile x," which has left their children with severe autism.)
ReplyDeleteThere are many theories that may or may not be valid in the end, and everybody seems to have their own opinion, but until we know for sure it's useless guessing and arguing about it.
To blame parenting when there is no real proof of a link is cruel and probably very painful to mothers here who have autistic children and are already riddled with guilt about "what if I did something wrong," as most parents are when their child has any sort of difficulty at all. Autism is a very cruel affliction, for everybody it touches.
Adults who were never diagnosed with autism pr PDD as adults are sometimes labeled borderline personalities.
ReplyDeleteAnd borderline personality mothers are twice as likely to have autistic children.
Cause or effect, indeed.
I asked a friend at Stanford University about someof the comments on her about Post Partum deoression causing Autisim and people with borderline personalites
ReplyDeleteand children under 3 watching too much TV.
She specializes with working with these children and she said that she has heard of these stories but they are not so.
A Mother unable to bond with her cild is not going to cause this child to become Autistic.
I aslo have a friend who's daughter has Autisim ,she had no PPD or borderline Peronality, her child did not watch TV and they have a great bond.
Here is an interesting article she sent me.
News : Autisim
Researcher identifies cellular defect that may contribute to autism, Columbia
Defect in neuroligin gene disrupts firing of neurons and may result in autism - The causes of autism have long remained a mystery, but new research from Columbia University Medical Center has identified, for the first time, how a cellular defect may be involved in the often crippling neurological disorder...
If this is true then blaming a mother for her childs Autisim is not right nor fair.
As far as BPD that is not a fact. It has never been proven.
None of the things that have been said in her have ever been proven.
As it was said lets cut the PC BS.
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Having an infant or small child spend nearly all their time with a very cold, uncaring, uncommunicative, non eye-contact-making, non-snuggly main caregiver will definitely result in delays and developmental problems for the child. The type of delays and developmental problems that result in having this type of caregiver raising (for the most part) the child is consistent with delays and developmental problems that fall under the umbrella of autism, which is a wide spectrum nowadays.
ReplyDeleteIn a case like this (assuming the infant/child does not have a genetic or physiological disposition, and the delays are brought on by environmental causes meaning a wretched & neglectful main caregiver) then if the infant/child is diagnosed early enough, and proper loving care and therapies are followed, the infant/child will quickly blossom, and catch up to where he/she would have been if they had been raised by a loving, doting, kind, interactive, and generous main caregiver.
5:17 PM, If autism is bad parenting, what about couples with one perfectly adjusted child, and one with severe autism?
ReplyDeleteAnd it's not been determined that vaccinations cause autism- this is true, but it's been linked to it and they're still doing research. I'm more inclined to believe that it would be a combination of things, including genes and possibly vaccinations. I'd believe that before I'd believe it was bad parenting, that's for sure. I know bad parents with very intelligent and well adjusted children, and the same can be said for great parents with developmentally challenged children.
I am located in N.J. and think
ReplyDeleteEarly Intervention is a great service to use. I don't have to pay for any of it. My son is 26 months, and a speech therapist works with him (and me) twice a week. She gives me suggestions, etc.
Soon, he will be starting occupational therapy as well.
To blame parents on delays is wrong. Don't you think we blame ourselves enough, as it is.
Eric's mom is right. It is very cruel. Please think about what you might be doing to people when you just blurt out things like that.
ReplyDeleteSo many families have just one child with some sort of serious developmental problem and the rest all fine and perfectly adjusted. How do you account for all of these other children in the same families so completely escaping the effects of all the bad parenting...parenting allegedly so bad as to be capable of causing devastating mental handicap? It doesn't even make sense.
Sure, gross neglect can cause serious delays...but unlikely true Autism. (Unless, as one poster mentioned, you include the many children diagnosed under broad spectrum of disorders that are now lumped together under the umbrella of "autism.)
Some of the best parents I know have children with autism or other disorders. You are welcome to your opinion, but you are wrong.
ReplyDeleteI don't think 5:17 was saying that autism equals bad parenting. The past few commenters seem to ascribe that view to 5:17. 5:17 says something significantly short of that.
ReplyDeleteAutism doesn't equal bad parenting, anyway.
5:17 said:
ReplyDelete"a mother who does not connect with her child does cause autism."
and:
"but mostly it is moms who dont know how to parent right, who cant be maternal or are mentally ill. sometimes it is moms with depression after childbirth. thats the real truth. not immunizations."
How is that short of saying bad parenting causes autism?
To Tori's mom,
ReplyDelete(In case you don't read the other thread, which is now kind of old.) I just looked up Tori's picture on the shark site and she looks like an angel.
Good luck to her and to all of you!
I find this very interesting Paul the Intern. I was diagnosed with Boderline Personality Disorder and was treated through therapy which was very successful. I no longer have this diagnosis. Also I did not speak until after I was two years old, wouldn't let anyone hold me as a baby, and my mother says I was a "miserable baby" (we never got along by the way). Now by the time I was three I could read and write and in first grade read at a high school level. I became a social butterfly and still am. I was molested at age 11 and was taught in my therapy that this is almost always a common thing among women with BPD. Anyways could I have autism? It seems looking back that I displayed the traits as a baby. Strange, because I definitely didn't after age 3.
ReplyDeleteThe rise in autism is correlated with "mothers" who put their career and gym memberships before spending time with their child.
ReplyDeleteThese "mothers" would rather hire some developmentally challenged minimum wage earner, or some illegal alien to watch their child then connect with their own child.
When I see an autistic child, I see bad parenting.
So, 6:02, how then do YOU explain away the fact of some parents having multiple children, but only one child having autism?
ReplyDeleteExcellent point, Cali mom.
ReplyDeleteI think it's very erroneous to blame Autism on bad parenting.
Please pay special attention to the very last line:
"Scientists aren’t certain what causes autism, but it’s likely that both genetics and environment play a role. Researchers have identified a number of genes associated with the disorder. Studies of people with autism have found irregularities in several regions of the brain. Other studies suggest that people with autism have abnormal levels of serotonin or other neurotransmitters in the brain. These abnormalities suggest that autism could result from the disruption of normal brain development early in fetal development caused by defects in genes that control brain growth and that regulate how neurons communicate with each other. While these findings are intriguing, they are preliminary and require further study. The theory that parental practices are responsible for autism has now been disproved."
~ National Institutes of Health, Autism Fact sheet
Im a nanny and I used to work for a family where one of 3 children had mild autism. Would you believe what the father said caused autism?
ReplyDeleteThe mother had a lot of back pain with that child so she used Capsaicin rubs on her back. All natural, mind you. The father now tells everyone that cayenne pepper causes autism- and with a serious face. I guess it's sad in a way, looking for a reason when we really don't have any.
I know a family with two severely autistic children. It has been determined that there is a genetic problem which caused it, and the defect is on the mother's side. The mother runs herself literally ragged taking care of the children and driving them all over town to therapy sessions and special day programs.
ReplyDeleteThe father recently made a comment about how his life is hell because of dealing with all of this and that his wife has no right to complain since she is the one who "caused" all of the problems by being defective.
So yes, I can believe a dad would say something so stupid as that the mother caused it with her back relief medication.