I Saw Your GrandmotherWhen/Where: About 9:30 AM Wal Mart Secaucus NJ
Grandmother: Short, plump, dyed red hair, green-rimmed glasses, black velour jogging suit.
Child: Short, curly brown hair, big brown eyes, wearing a blue Disney Princess Tee shirt and jeans. Dora sneakers about 4 years old. Sounded like she called the little girl Rinny? Winnie?
This child's grandmother was the most evil looking woman I have ever seen. She dragged the little girl behind her and pushed past me on her way in She told the little girl several times to "shut the hell up" I couldn't hear what the child was saying but she wasn't crying or whining. The grandmother proceeded to drag her around the store roughly and was annoyed anytime the child seemed to make a sound or lag to look at something. We parted ways and I didn't see them again until we were on line. I purposely got on line behind them to see who this woman was. I complimented the little girl, saying "She's so cute is that your grand-daughter?" The grandmother replied "Yeah and she's not that cute believe me." I didn't speak to her anymore but watched sadly as the child was again told to shut the hell up when she pointed to the Easter baskets. She didn't ask for one, just wanted "gammie" to look at them. I then gave this witch a nasty look and told her to smile a minute it wouldn't hurt. She replied "Easy for you to say, you ain't saddled with a kid all day while her parents work. I'll be glad when she gets better and is back at school!" I know kids can be trying and no child is a perfect angel, but this one never cried or whined that I saw. I also just could tell that this woman did not want to be anywhere near this child. I know it seems like an insignificant sighting, you had to be there to see the look of contempt on this woman's face every time she looked or spoke to this child to understand.
On the contrary, this is one of the few legit sightings on here...at least that I have seen. Just because she's related to the kid and not the nanny, doesn't mean the treatment of the child is any more justified..or justified at all for that matter...
ReplyDeleteIt sounds horrible...
Mean grandma.
what do you say about that! it's the grandmother and there is nothing you can do about it.
ReplyDeleteHopefully the parents will see this post and understand that the grandmother either doesn't like the child or babysitting or both and make different plans if she gts sick again.
ReplyDeleteI am helping my son in law raise 3 kids as my daughter died a while back. We have a nanny part time as I work full time and so does he but only for the little one
who is not in school. The oldest one is 16 and one is 6 and the baby is 0nly yr. I cannot imagine a grand mother treating a child that way but they are out there.
Several of my "friends" dropped me when this happened and I moved in to help wiht the kids and although I have never seen them interact with their grand children I know that they refuse to baby sit for them ever! Some grand parents feel they have done their "duty" and the grand kids are the parents responsibilty. They have no idea what they are missing.I pray that the parents see this post or someone who knows them does. Kids do not need to be around a grand parents that treats them so shabbily.
I just started working part-time. Four hours a day. My child started a daycare two blocks from our house. He goes just for a couple of hours. First, week was good. Second, week he got sick. So I didn't have anyone to help me watch him. Even though my parents (the grandparents) live on the same block as me. I guess some families (like mine) don't want to bother.
ReplyDeleteAnd no grandparents shouldn't be expected to watch their grandkids everyday. But it would be nice if occasionally they would.
Hopefully, if I am still around when my child has kids, I can help out too sometimes.
If it weren't for my husband I wouldn't be able to go in to work. He too care of him before he started his nite job.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to add that
I look forward to spoiling my eventual grandchildren. I cannot imagine a grandparents who does not feel this way, although I know there are many, including my husband's parents.
ReplyDeleteHis mom calls every year or so wanting to know our children's middle names and birth dates for banking documents or whatever, although she does send them birthday gifts, now that I think about it. Hmmm.
They will drive 2000+ miles across country to "visit" us, but stay in a hotel (even though we have a huge house with a beautiful guest room), and see us maybe once for dinner and once for lunch, in restaurants. The rest of the time they shop, golf, or whatever.
We are planning a trip to the state they live in, where we used to live. I asked my husband what days he wanted me to set aside to visit his parents. He said "none." He thinks its not worth the 3 hour drive each way (from where we are staying) to visit people who will likely not give up their golf or social obligations to spend time with us. I felt this was a little sad, so I asked my kids if they wanted to go see that set of grandparents for a day or two. They said, "Either way. Not really, but its OK if you want to." When I pressed, they said that, yes, they like them just fine, but it's not that fun to go see them because they don't know them well and that they hardly interact with them when they are there. (We have visited plenty of times that the kids should be very close to them.)
Here's an example: During one visit to their house when my kids were small I was sitting in the living room and saw my 2 year old daughter running behind her grandma, who was walking at a very fast pace for such a little girl to follow, and saying, "Grandma Jane! Will you hold me on your lap?" Grandma Jane! Will you hold me on your lap?" Without slowing down, or even glancing behind her, grandma replied, "Not now. I have to go to the post office." My daughter, still eagerly running after her said, "Will you hold me on your lap after that?" Grandma, still walking, then said, "After that I have to make a cake for my party."
I was completely dumbfounded. Before she had a chance to realize she had been rejected, I asked my daughter if she would come sit in my lap, please. She bounded over happily and snuggled in. I sat there wondering what could possibly be better than a snuggle with such a precious little thing, especially if you only had an opportunity to see her two or three times a year.
And here's the kicker, they keep track of how much time we spend visiting, or being visited by, my parents, and have the gall to be upset because we see mine more. And the kids are closer to mine, which they can see when we are all together.
But that's what you get in the end when you put little or nothing into a relationship. There is nothing there. I personally think it would be very sad and lonely.
You know, this post is going to end up being a breath of fresh air, because for once the army of nannies will not pile on to defend the lousy behavior of the caregiver.
ReplyDelete'Cause we all know if this post was about a nanny, we'd be swimming in "how do you know the kid really ISN'T horrible?" posts by now.
OP, thanks for the post. i hope the child's parents read it.
Good point Jen...but you've gotta admit that a lot of posters are pretty hard on nannies...
ReplyDeleteOur defenses are up, with good reason.
I don't know about that, jen...I've been visiting this site for awhile, now, and haven't noticed nannies attempting to justify cruelty to children. Where do you get that from?
ReplyDeleteYou're right, but come on Kate. Low blow. Be nice, please.
ReplyDeleteI would like to hear more stories of horrendous in laws/horrendous grandparents. Mine are horrid and it makes me feel better hearing stories of others that are not so great either.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you had gotten her license place number and called children's services what would have happened. Telling a child to shut the hell up repeatedly (and that was only in like what, 20 minutes?) is emotional abuse. Hopefully the parents aren't just as bad...
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter who is doingt he harm. When people mistreat children, even for a second, and we witness it, it kills our souls if we don't stand up for it. We tolerate none of it or we tolerate most of it. Your call.
ReplyDeleteKate, all of the posts aren't legit..come on now...How about the the central park bathroom post?
ReplyDeleteThat was absolutely ridiculous.
And it's not JUST a bad nanny sighting site..I have seen some positive nanny sightings as well.
Be reasonable.
And you're going to insult how I look? Really? you really wanna take it to that level?
I don't think I can take you or your opinions too seriously after that.
Hahahaha what!?!?! my nose?? I wish. Look at how pointy my nose is..you think I would have PAID to have it that way??
ReplyDeleteAnd my eyes? Dude, I'm 26 years old..
You guys are NASTY...plain mean.
I'm a nanny. I'm poor, remember? I don't have money for plastic surgery, even if I wanted it.
"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."
ReplyDelete- Eleanor Roosevelt
well said. when you have nasty things to say about how someone looks it just makes you look jealous. grow the eff up.
ReplyDeleteWait... Are we seriously insulting someone for how they look? Isn't that the very definition of an ad hominem attack? (And the playing field is hardly level unless everyone of you shares a photo of yourself!)
ReplyDeleteThis nastiness is absurd and in very poor taste. There are so many directions that one could take a post without ever attacking an individual commenter.
Wow!.....I've been censored! Have others on this site not attacked a poster before.......all I asked was a simple question....I didn't even use profanity! I'm disappointed, Jane. Censoring is in poor taste.....I did not attack.
ReplyDeleteC'mon Kate ... it still wasn't very nice.
ReplyDeletexjx
I thought 9:29 looked like another poster insulting you ...
you didn't even need to do that because you're very pretty.
Kate in co
ReplyDeleteYou seriously took it to a whole new level. You didn't attack her spelling or grammar or intelligence - that's the kind of flaming that goes on around here that you speak of.
You attacked her for the way she looks, like someone has any control over that! And plastic surgery can only do so much -
which by the way jerseyxjacqui, you need NONE of!
Kate should apologize, period. And next time you get mad at a poster, don't stoop so low. There are other ways of one-upping someone in a disagreement - use your intelligence next time!!
OK, so I finally had to go look. What are you people talking about? (I missed the offending comment being referred to, as it has apparently been removed.) Jerseyxjacquie is objectively, by any standard, drop dead gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteI think Jane is right. Anybody who wants to insult her (or anybody else's) looks ought to be required to first submit a photo of themselves for comparison. I doubt there will be many with room to talk.
Plus, people can't really help how they look, whether they are pretty or not. Sadly, our society is very hard on unattractive women. Think about how silly that really is. If you must be a hater (and please don't) at least find something valid to direct your energy towards.
Kate made a derogatory comment about jxj's looks, obviously - but I don't want to repeat it because JD will rightfully end up deleting it again.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't good sportsmanship.
You don't need to cut somebody down like that just because you don't like what they say.
Don't worry JD ... I'm eating some humble pie here myself because of what happened the other day. ☺
ReplyDeletempp,
ReplyDeleteWhat happened the other day? (Unless you don't want to talk about it, which I will perfectly understand.)
i missed the mean comments...
ReplyDeletehow awful that the horrid excuse for a grandmother could be so cruel. wth is wrong with people?
Ahh, that was nothing.
ReplyDeleteOh brother......I'm not apologizing for a legit question. I was not going low......just wondering if she had and wanted to know how one affords it?????? You know.....I think I can handle my intelligence being questioned, but saying I'm not nice..... I'm going to leave well enough alone. I need to get back to the kids......
ReplyDeleteCome on Kate...you asked me that to be confrontational and mean. At least own up to it. It was obviously not an inquiry about my financial situation.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't matter though. It's over.
And thank you to everyone else who commented on it. :-)
you're very pretty jacqui. i'm not sure why anyone would think you'd had plastic surgery. i don't get that impression at all.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people are bothered by children. I am one of those people who just doesn't feel a connection with children. I only come on this site because my sister has a nanny.
ReplyDeleteI have a step-son and I find being a parent a hassle. It seems like a lot of extra work. This grandma was already a mom. why would she do it again? Maybe her kids are selfish and expect her to watch her grand kid. Maybe her children irritate her and she doesn't know how to handle her frustration. Maybe this is a child born out of wedlock and this is an old fashioned woman. Maybe she is sick and tired.
There are so many reasons this grandma could have acted this way. I stick up for this grandma, poor thing already did the mom stuff... let her be a grandma
There is no "excuse" in the world that makes abusing a child alright! What a silly thing to even suggest.
ReplyDeleteIf grandma can't help but abuse her granddaughter, then she has lips, which she needs to use to say NO babysitting. This one is all on grandma, or should I say "grandmonster?"
Kate-- do what you would expect your daycare children to do- apologize and give a hug.
ReplyDeleteWhen stuck in a traffic jam and surrounded by rude drivers, ther are undoubtedly many reasons to be driven to violent acts of road rage, NONE of them excusable. If the mean old bag didn't want to take responsibility for her own granddaughter's well being, she has an obligation as an ADULT to handle the dilemma responsibly, such as politely refusing, or not being an abusive A--HOLE if she chooses to accept the mission. Her nasty behavior to a normal, well behaved, healthy 4 year old was unacceptable under any circumstances and I can only feel sorry for the her own children and the miserab;e childhood THEY must have endured.
ReplyDelete4:45, it sounds like your husband is more like a last-resort babysitter than the FATHER of the child you wanted your parents to watch while he was sick. SHOULDN'T one of the child's parents watch the child when they are not working?
I missed whatever got deleted. Hmm.
Mom
ReplyDeleteI don't think it would be appropriate to discuss in this forum, and I just as soon forget about it honestly.
But I still love ya!
JD
☺
A grandmother would be pretty easy to push down. Seriously, I have seen nannies mistreating their charges and they always seem to look like,, well remmeber that picture of park slope nanny? They are usually mean looking and about 6 feet tall, 300 lbs with frightening fabrics and speedy running shoes. But a grandmother, I could take out.
ReplyDeleteI am a 5 ft 7 250 lb nanny and I would love anyone to try to push me down. I would walk all over your skinny ass. I've seen plenty of witches who birthed kids in rehab mistreating their kids (even called DYFS and the police on one and held her bony butt there until the police came) and guess what Maggie they all look like YOU! I am tired of the fat bigots on here.
ReplyDeleteIts 4:45 here. To clarify, I don't expect my parents to watch my child all the time. My husband leaves for work at 2pm and doesn't get home until after midnite. So I thought to give him a break would be nice. I would never expect my parents to watch my child all the time. Thats one other reason I enrolled him in daycare part-time.
ReplyDeleteBy the way I haven't asked any family for help.
mpp
ReplyDeleteI understand completely. I hope all is well now.
I think so. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou should have called the police asap and given as much information as possible. A plate number on her car would have tracked her easy. The police could then notify the parents of such abuse. Remember child abuse and neglect is everybody's business. We need to protect all children and our own.
ReplyDeleteI have met people like this before. My response to them would be and has been...."One day Granny is going to need you to care for her. So make sure you watch closely so you treat her the as well as she does you." or to the Granma "One day you will be to old to care for yourself and you will depend on your loved ones to care for you, she may be the one that you are left alone with when no one else can be there." Fear Fades Respect Remains, Granny!
ReplyDeleteI am a Grandmother of two and I respond to them in a way that I hope they will to their children. Your story made my skin crawl and ears hot! I think there needs to be a website that can teach all of us how to respond to certain situations and that it includes thisngs to say to people with children even though you don't have any. Make sense????? Hope so.
8:02 with all due respect, neither the police nor DYFS will do anything in a situation like this. Telling a child to shut the hell up, while disgusting, is NOT considered abuse or a crime. And, unless the child was literally being dragged on the ground, pulling her by her arm is not considered physical abuse. Unless you witness or see evidence of true physcial abuse, the kind that injures, or the child complains to someone, there is little, if anything that can or will be done. Just try to imagine the telephone call.
ReplyDelete"Secaucus Police Department, may I help you?"
"Yes I want to report and abusive grandmother in Walmart."
"What did you witness?"
"Well she was pulling the child rougly by the arm and told the child several times to shut the hell up in a very mean way."
"I see. Was the child crying? Injured in anyway?"
"Well, emotionally injured for sure!"
"I see, well thanks you very much for calling we will check into it."
And then they forget it to answer the real emergency calls. Having worked in the DYFS office for 3 years, I know.
Metronanny,
ReplyDeleteWith all due respect, this depends on the soze of the town. In NYC, you are probably right. (But then you might just get the one very compassionate operator on the line who just might refer it to CPS for follow up.) In a small town, they have very little to do and this would probably get back to the parents. My fear would be that this granny treated her kids like this and so they may not know how awful it is and may actually treat the kids this way themselves...or not care that grandma does. But its worth a try anyway.
One of my friends had the police come to her house in Orange County California (very busy, crowded place) because she had swatted her daughter in the grocery store and a bystander followed her to her car and got the license number and called the police. You never know.
Mom, I was the one who reported the sighting. And there was a Secaucus police officer stationed in the Wal-mart as there often is around holidays because of their high theft issue, and he did nothing but give the grandma a nasty look along with me.
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad it made me tear up! Poor little girl!!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing "insignificant" about this report. Sounds from the details that it's a real one. the saddest thing is that you can explain to a child why a non-family member might be unkind - but think what is treatment is doing to this little girl. It broke my heart to read it. I treasure my two grandchildren. No, they're not perfect - they drive me nuts sometimes, but I would never say anything to devalue them as a person or to make them feel bad about themselves. This grandmother needs to be severely admonished. Surely, though, the parents have to know what kind of person she is - you can't hide this kind of attitude. Sounds like they might not care either or they just don't have anyone else. How horribly sad.
ReplyDelete