Received Tuesday, February 19, 2008- Rant (?)
Dear Bethenny,
I observe your new nanny on a fairly regular basis. I am taking the time to write and tell you she is very good at what she does. I know the last nanny that worked for you, the one that you fired for having too much of a social life. Remember how you told her, "I don't care what goes on in your life on your time; but while you're on the clock, it's my time." I would normally agree but that poor girl worked 65 hours a week. I feel bad enough for your children so I won't out them by name. This nanny is providing the support to your 'tween daughter' that she needs. You see a child needs someone she can depend on, someone who listens when she asks a question, someone who gives her a hug when she needs it. We all know about your impressive closet, your wardrobe, your diamonds, your social calendar. Frankly, I am not impressed. I have seen others have so much more and still take the time necessary to parent their with child with love and affection. Ya' know? Instead of competing with their own daughter. The complexes you have already given her are clearly evident. But right now, the nanny she has seems to be helping her with all of her- um- your demons. The nanny is normal. She dresses normal, she speaks to the people she meets in a respectful and friendly way and she laughs naturally. She is good natured and smiles a lot. A real smile. Not quite as 'perfect' as yours, but genuine. Now that you are getting the attention you so deeply need, please don't cast another nanny off. Let the nanny help restore your daughter's self esteem, the self esteem you have ripped to shreds.
-UES Anonymous
I can't help but feel like this may set off some jealousy in the "mother," that someone is implying the nanny is so wonderful and she is not. If the parent is as terrible as you say, I'd fear this might inspire her to fire the wonderful nanny.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope not!
My thoughts exactly. I fear this catty "sighting" may do more harm than good. For the child's sake (and the nanny's), I hope not.
ReplyDeleteAs a nanny on the UWS who works for a completely daff woman lacking soul or sensibility, I must ask how else would one grasp the attention of a woman so determined to destroy her own child?
ReplyDeleteI think what the nanny is saying is, "okay, so you're a selfish woman and you have a good life for yourself, just let the nanny take care of the teen before you cause her to take her own life".
What a powerful letter. On this one though ... let's hope the Mom does NOT find out it is her personally, or this little girl will lose the only thing that is keeping her grounded.
ReplyDeleteThis should be an 'open letter' to all Parents who behave in such a way, and hopefully it will open their eyes.
I never like to say I think a post might not be real..but I was on the receiving end of one of these "you are a crappy mom" posts recently, and now sort of want to take them with a grain of salt. This person writing sounds unreasonably bitter for someone not directly connected to the situation. And the woman who just had the situation where her fired nanny's friends were calling the house to complain that she was fired...it sort of has me wndering...
ReplyDeleteHowever, whether this is real or not (and my apologies to OP if it is and I am off base), it should serve as a wake up call to any moms out there who may read and see themselves in any part of this.
I know since the one written by "my son," I am extra aware of being on the computer at all when my kids are here...and I have kept a good eye on my milk supply! It never hurts to look at ourselves and reevaluate...because the goal her really is to be the best moms we can, right?
Well, I guess we'll know whether or not it was that mom if she posts back and says, "Yes, I have a "tween" daughter, and this is yet again my fired nanny trying to stir shit up for me".
ReplyDeleteMaryPP, what do you think the mom in the OP would do if she found out the letter was referring to her? Just curious
ReplyDeleteNo one is going to admit being 'this' Bethany. No way.
ReplyDeleteAnd if it were a former nanny looking for revenge, she only scores points if it is true. Shame and humiliation trade for big bang = big bucks on the UES.
Every 'fashion conscience' mother should have to read four handbooks before parenting their daughter past the age of 6. It should be mandatory. Unless of course, you're a lesbian.
No offense, as I am a hetero, but only hetero's f--- their daughter's up like that.
You'd do less harm slapping the shit out of them three times a week. I say this having lived with an alcoholic mother who mocked my appearance from age 7 and competed with me. SHe didn't allow me to wear a certain dress because I looked 'too good' in a very appropriate way. My older sister went to the dermatologist because she had one zit, in HS she was a nerd with her nose in the books. I had complexion problems and my mother refused to take me to the dermagologist. Money was hardly the issue. Nor was time. We had someone who handled appointments and driving for us.
The thought of this makes me so angry. stop destroying your daughters. and to those of you who see this happening, who see your friends, sisters and frenemies sabotaging the self esteem of their own children, STEP UP.
Say something, even if it's "What the F?"
If it was her, she wouldn't have to admit it, but at least she'd know how far her spiteful nanny would go.
ReplyDeleteFrom OPs original posting, I got that the nanny might have been young, naive and possibly not too bright. This post sayd she was fired for basically partying too much. That doesn't sound like the way the fired nanny acted.
ReplyDeleteYou assume it a spiteful nanny? Why not a friend? In my circle, everyone seems to have so many phony friends. No one is honest about what they really think of the next person, and as soon as one person leaves the room, everyone is talking about her. I would sooner guess a friend. And friend should be in the parenthesis.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience with nannies, nannies who are fired with severance or without may get mad, but they surely creep away. The power does not rest with the nanny, it rests with the employer, who is usually of higher means than the nanny. Don't you think the nanny would feel intimidated? She is already dealing with the shame of being fired.
Is this Bethany who is on Housewives of NYC? How old is her daughter?
ReplyDelete10:43
ReplyDeleteno. she is ONLY a spiteful nanny IF it is the same one fired by the salad lady. that nanny has been having her friends and family calling and harrassing her former employer.
There goes mom being an attention grabber again, everyone was over that silly little post she wrote pretending to be her son and she had to bring it up again to lap up more attention.
ReplyDeleteHowever spiteful the OP may be, what about the message? SO many moms try and make their little girls into women LONG before their time...UGH.
ReplyDeleteOr even worse, and I've seen it first hand, they try to compete with them. I had a gf that had a very attractive teenage daughter. Every chance she got she called that poor girl a whore and everything else in the book. The damage she did was irreparable. The girl is a complete mess. I don't talk to the mom anymore, but I get updates through other friends, and it's a shame the mom had to ever do that to her, just because she was so beautiful and the mom was so jealous.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering when someone would notice 10:21's comment about lesbians being better parents? That would be a great discussion.
ReplyDeleteYou say you are hetero ... how do you know lesbians make better parents, and why? And I'm sorry, but if you think there aren't fashion conscience lesbians out there, I'm afraid you're mistaken.
Of course, didn't everybody already know that it's always best to raise children WITHOUT a father in the home?
ReplyDeleteI think nobody commented on that before because it was unworthy of comment.
nah, i just think they hadn't noticed. why wouldn't somebody pounce on that one? although i agree about the dad thing.
ReplyDeleteAs a nanny to four wonderful (troubled only born as trophy) children and a lesbian mother of a 3 y/o, I can understand what 10:21 was attempting to say. I don't think they meant to say that lesbian parents are better than single or married hetero parents. But that it often takes a lot more planning, advocating, and riggerous inspections for a lesbian to have a child and therefore may possibly be a little more self aware than the parents (like many that we work for) that have trophy children. I'm talking about lesbians that don't just run out and get knocked up, but rather use alternative means to have children.
ReplyDeleteIn their community the children are seen only as valuable as their accomplishments and not for the values and personality they posses. My employer often jokes that her daughters tell me more, open up better, and are more honest with me then her; too bad it's the truth.
Every parent makes mistakes (I know I have), but when it comes to kids your mistake shouldn't be lack of appreciation and listening skills.
Oh and just for some trivia bonus: Many studies have been done on the children of gay parents vs. straight parents. The only difference between the two: kids of gay parents are more socially and culturally tolerant.
How nice to see a different perspective. I hadn't really thought of the trouble Gay Parents go through to have children ... so I guess it would make them more aware of how prime their Parenting skills should be.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
I am so glad my Mom(s) are gay. I sometimes think about what my life would have been like had I stayed in the suburban neighborhood we grew up in (my sister and I stayed with my dad after the divorce instead of moving back to the city and trying to make new friends) and can honestly say I missed nothing. I am SO proud of my mommy, a former choir director for the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Chorus; a career student with over 10 degrees, a nurse practictioner, the only lesbian I know with a degree in pastoral ministry, a woman who could be making bank with her Phd, but chooses to do volunteer paramedic work in her basically rural neighborhood and worked on the indian reservation in Tacoma for years counseling drug addicts and young women who get pregnant at way too young an age...ugh. If I had stayed where I grew up, I would have horribly judgemental views on EVERYONE who didn't look, talk, and dress like me (actually, NOT like me, like everyone else). I am so glad I branched out. When my mom first came out, I cried myself to sleep every night, praying to god that I wasn't gay too. Now, I'm happily married and my moms (and my daddy) love my man to death. I can honestly say that at this point in my life, absolutely NONE of my major hardships in life are related to my mom being gay. I have great relationships with ALL my parents, and am very glad I moved to the city and saw how the rest of the world lives. And guess what: my mom is fat. I'm not, nor is my younger sister. My mom is fat, and my mom is HAPPY. And I am happy for HER, and happy that every year on my birthday she calls me up and no matter how I sigh, she tells me the story of going to the doctor's office and clenching her jaw and having her first baby girl (ME!) with no drugs and letting me know how hard she fell in love with me from that moment and how hard she's been in love with me ever since. Yay for non-traditional families! BTW, my dad is one of my best friends.
ReplyDeleteAwww, what a SWEET letter! It sounds like they ALL did a great job with you!
ReplyDeleteRemember, it takes a village!
Umm, behenney on housewives of nyc does not have children. She is unmarried with no kids and besides it says the child's name is bethenney not the mother!!!
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ReplyDeleteIt depends where on the UES they are. I am a Dad and spend a lot of time with my son (Toddler) out and about in NYC. I must say, if you are a parent, and not just a Mom, please do a pop in on your sitter at the John Jay Park. I have never saw so many children go unattended in a park. Their sitters and sometimes parents hold court with others or just spend the entire time reading or on their cell while the child falls, gets pushed by others or wonders around the park. Also no one seems to shut the gates which are clearly labeled please close gate behind you. I fired our nanny for doing just that. And sad to say most of these children are spoken to and treated harshly by these "sitters" that it boarders on abuse. And I mean this happens to over 85% of the children there. So please do a pop in or avoid that park altogether. And it is only that park, which is sad as the renovations they did are great.
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