Received Monday, January 7, 2008-Perspective & Opinion
On Friday, I was let off early because mom and dad were both home. I am a live in and had plans to go spend the weekend with my friend in Darrien. When I got the car, I realized I still had a credit card of the mother's, so I quickly went in the house to take the card back to her. My path back in (don't want to explain it here as that would be too much detail) but at any rate, I quickly found myself face to face with the husband who came around the corner BUCK NAKED. I was within 10 feet of him and approaching a hall to turn in and he just kind of froze. He could have ducked back around his corner, but sort of stood there with a slight grin on his face. I was about four feet from where the hall turned and that brought me closer to him. In slow motion he continues to slightly grin at me. I didn't realize all of that until I replayed it later in my head. I quickly found the wife and handed her the credit card. I then told her that something embarrassing had happened and I felt so bad and I told her that I accidentally just saw her husband nude. It bears saying here that she and I have a really good employer/employee relationship and friendship. I didn't think before telling her but did think I should tell her. She kind of froze and I thought a look of anger crossed her face. I told her I was sorry and I went out to the car another way so I wouldn't chance passing him by again. This morning, my male employer was nice to me as always. No change. My female employer was bitchy and she left me a list of things to do that are not things I normally do. For example, "wind up the hose the gardners left out" and "since today is an open day for you, why don't you sweep the porches off". She never asks me to do things like that. Now what? I feel like everything is instantly different. I know she doesn't think it was intentional. I didn't mention to her about her husband's slight smile. In fact I don't think that is even relevant. Help?
Just give it some time. This is really awkward.
ReplyDeleteI once made a mad dash out of my bedroom in the buff to grab something from the family room...knowing that my kids were all up in their rooms getting dressed. What I didn't know is that they had let in an 18 year old friend who had come to go to church with us. Further, I didn't see him at first and, therefore, meandered about for a few seconds before seeing a bit of movement in the corner of the room. It was the poor boy struggling to cover his entire head from the horrific view of his friend's mother cavorting about in the nude! We were both horrified and it took quite a while before either of us was able to look the other in the eye or feel comfortable around each other again...but we eventually got past it. My husband, of course, thought it was completely hilarious.
The dad's response sounds a little creepy...but it is still possible that he just thought it was funny. Since he is acting perfectly normal now, perhaps he is not a skeeve, but just one more childish man who thinks body parts and functions are the height of hilarity. Or maybe the look on your face was hysterical. Maybe not...but let's hope for the best until proven otherwise. Women tend to take these things a little more seriously than men. I say give it some time and see how things go...with both mom and dad.
There is nothing wrong with the human body. We came in to this world naked and knew NO shame.
ReplyDeleteBoth of your employers obviously thought you had left the premisis.
What would you have rather your boss do. Make an already awkward situation even worse. He smiled..besides turning tail and running like an idiot I''d say he handled it rather cooly. He also seemed to handle it very proffessionally once he was face to face with again..business as usual.
As for the wife..just ask her if she is upset? Why play games? Go to her again and tell her that you are picking up weird signals and tell her that if the situation caused a problem that you would like to deal with it right away instead of letting things go to Far. If she states it is not a problen..take her at her word. If the unusual "Chores" continue to show up..simply tell her that these new chores were not, nor have ever been part of the deal and changing the "Nanny duties" mid-job is not ok!
If it did cause a problem for your female boss..you may have to face the fact that she is a very insecure woman and may need to look for a new job or learn to deal with her childish behavior!
best of luck!
You don't think the husbands smile was relevant? Well, I certainly do. You describe it in a "cheshire cat" kind of way. And it does sound every bit creepy. Why was he smiling? And I bet he told his wife, and probably made some off-handed remark about the Nanny seeing him nude ... otherwise, why would she have an attitude about it? He's going about his business, which is a good thing, but I do think you should hash it out with the mom.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the husband meant anything with his smile. I think in your mind your making more of it than it really is. I think at times when we are upset we replay things and if we do it over and over, we can make something seem worse than it really is. Does it that make sense. I am trying to state my feeling while typing its a struggle : )
ReplyDeleteso I was a live-in before too. I was coming up the stairs to the first floor, it was late at night. I heard like a meowing, painful sounds, I thought it was the four year old boy. Just when I was going to go up I stopped. Realized it was the parents having sex. They never kept their door closed. And I also found a sex toy in her closet. IT wasn't like I had to snoop, I was putting her clothes away and it was right there. Anyone one could see it if they came in there room. It wasn't a closet with the doors. It was still in the original packaging never opened. I called my nanny friend to come over and see.
ReplyDeleteYou called your friend to come over to view a packaged, never-used sex toy that belonged to your employer? You and your friend sound extremely boring and pathetic. You both lack integrity and evidently, lives.
ReplyDeletehey I was young....
ReplyDeletedo you think I would show her a item that was used. thats gross
ReplyDeleteNo, I wouldn't think you'd show anyone a used sex toy. However, a new sex toy belonging to your employer isn't anything to put on display for your friend, nor could I imagine anyone wanting to make a trip to view something that should have been kept a private matter for one thing, and for another, certainly not worth an outing. I can't figure who was more desperate, you or your friend.
ReplyDeleteseriously fg, maybe she is 18 and from Utah? When I was 22 I was a nanny for a button up, short haired, tweed wearing type A. I found pics of her and her husband, both completely nude and posing in very strange ways in and outside their car in the garage. I did show those to a few of my friends. But that was more like, "who knew". I guess what they say is true- those who talk about sex the most are having the least of it. And those who never talk about it- well you just never know.
ReplyDeleteyeah I was 18. Sorry, I wasn't whore.
ReplyDeleteplease my friend lived on the same block it wasn't an
ReplyDeleteouting
opps a whore I meant
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't really my point. I don't care how much or how little sex went on in that home, employees should have respect for their employers and keep private matters private, even though this lacked merit for being of interest to anyone. Should this nanny have been so naive as to find this titillating, it still does not excuse the breech of trust here. That is one thing very much wrong with Americans today, the lack of respect for others privacy.
ReplyDeleteNo FG, the problem with Americans today is they are seriously lining up to put a HUSSEIN in the white house.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you "sorry that you weren't a whore?" By the way, it was an "outing" if you friend went "out" and came over to your house. Never mind all that. You were young, but I feel it is very important that the young learn to respect the privacy and space of others. That should be impressed upon every child during their upbringing.
ReplyDeletePut a who in the what Karen? Surely, you don't believe that. Although I do not support the candidate Obama, I think he has a vision for improving this country, however misguided he may be. Not as scary as Hilary. Now, that's scary.
ReplyDeleteShe told you to sweep the porch and put away the hose? I would explain to her that that is not your job and then maybe give her another week before you talk to her about leaving if she's not going to act right. Also do you really want to work in the house with this perv?
ReplyDeleteI worked for a family part time once and I was always coming and going with the little girl and would come in through the garage with it's very loud garage door. One day when I walked through the garage door to the house there was the dad sitting in a chair naked waist down. I know he heard us coming in. I reacted strongly though, I pushed the little girl back out the door and slamed it and wouldn't enter until he said he had clothes on. He apologized but I quit shortly after because I was uncomfortable.
Funny. Once when I was a teenager I was babysitting for a family with three little girls. I babysat for them often, and for several years. One day the two older girls, probably ages 5 and 7 at the time, came into the living room carrying a huge vibrator shaped like a penis and began giving each other back massages with it. I was completely freaked out and wasn't sure what to do. I told the girls they ought to go put it back where they got it and not play with it anymore. One of them said, "It's OK, our parents use it for sex." Then they proceeded to tell me that they were also allowed to use it for these massages! Ick. I told them to put it away anyway and they could play with it with their mother's permission when she got home. I wasn't up to sitting there watching that go on.
ReplyDeleteI would let it pass, she probably needs some time to get over it. I have seen both of my employers naked (the mom was getting out of the shower, she laughed and thought it was funny that I appologiezed, and I saw the dad on the toilet reading the paper and taking care of things, he said good morning and shut the door). I think I had more of a probelm with it then they did, but I got over it.
ReplyDeleteI am sure the woman you work for is just in a bad mood and it will pass eventually
FG- Ignore the trolls please! Responding just prolongs the stupidity.
ReplyDeleteOP- Please talk to the mom about the extra chores. Regardless of the nudity issue, there is no way you should be adding duties like that. I left my last job because of that; I was told to sweep off and organize the back patio (not toys, just outdoor stuff) and when we talked it over they could not understand how I would refuse duties like that. It was the straw that broke the camel's back at that position, but it was a big deal.
Stand up for yourself or you will grow miserable and resentful! Trust me!
Ummm...I do not think you are reading too much into the smile thing. That is creepy. Normal human instinct would have been to cover up, not for shame, but for decency. Maybe the Mom sees you as a threat now. Maybe the husband has fooled around w/ other nannies. I think you should give her a week or two to cool off and see if she gets better.
ReplyDeletemaybe the mom didn't really understand the situation. If you said it to her basically how you described it to us, she may just be really confused. Maybe you should mention it to her and explain how it happened. Also tell her those are not your jobs.
ReplyDeletejust give it a little time.
ReplyDeleteLeast said, soonest mended.
Some people smile in awkward situations it's a coping method that is not always well received or undrerstood. Talk to the mom and clear the air.
ReplyDeleteYour employer is "bitchy" and suddenly gives you a list of things to do that are not your job. It sounds like she is angry at you, and is punishing you. You did nothing wrong, and you need to stand up for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to speak up immediately. Depending on your relationship with her, and the husband, maybe you can ask him to clarify what happened to her, or you can explain it to her again, and point out that she seems upset. Under no circumstances should you do the chores that are not part of your job.
I'm a little surprised that a few wouldn't find this mans behavior somewhat 'creepy'. I agree 100% with 'we need a nanny union' (9:16) ... this 'gentleman' (used loosely), should have covered up his bits with his hands (common decency), pardoned himself (politely), and LEFT (quickly). No smile, no prolonged stare, no awkwardness.
ReplyDelete10:13 reminded me of something. Once my five year old son sat bolt upright from a deep sleep and proceeded to vomit profusely all over a lovely grandmotherly type sitting next to him on an airplane. What did I do? I laughed uncontrollably. I was horrified. I didn't think it was one bit funny...and yet all I could do was laugh. I think it was so unexpected and so upsetting that I had some sort of weird reaction instead of the one I very much wished to be having INSTEAD at that moment. I felt like the most terrible person laughing, as he continued to vomit and this poor woman had no way to escape. My husband, who was sitting beside my son, looked to me for help, and got none. Fortunately he had seen this happen to me once before in another very tense situation and so he knew I was not being purposely rude...and he was even kind enough to try to shield me with his back so the woman would not see me laughing.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am not trying to defend this man outright. He may well be a perv. But he also may not. You don't say he has been inappropriate ever before...and he thought you weren't home...so he was just as much an unwitting victim as you in this one instance. I would not rush to judgment against him unless and until he behaves inappropriately in a different situation. He may be icky...or he may have just acted weirdly in a very unexpected and uncomfortable situation. Just keep your eyes open...and from now on, make lots of noise when you enter the house unexpectedly!
interesting. a similar experience happened to me. we were at the family beach house and the dad was in the outdoor shower with the baby, as he handed the baby to me, his towel wrapped around the waist fell to his feet. it was an awkward oops moment we both sorta "heheh'd" and made light of it. his wife laughed when she heard about it. no biggie. maybe it would have been better for you to leave the card on the kitchen counter and called her on your cell to tell her where you'd left it, since you were on your way out. but oh well..don't take it personal, if she's still bitchy ask her why!
ReplyDeleteIf they thought you left for the day or weekend, maybe next time knock on the door or ring the bell. Just let them know you are there and are just going to drop something off
ReplyDeleteI work in an office. I have such a hot boss I wouldn't mind if I saw him in the buck.
ReplyDeletejust thinking of it....
ReplyDeleteOP here-
ReplyDeleteI live in the house and come and go all of the time. I would never have thought to ring the bell.
The housekeeper called and said she was back early from her vacation and would come in tomorrow. In passing this message on to my female employer I told her, "so I told her you had already started a list for her". She didn't correct me. We both know the list was for me.
She was less icy tonight. She gave me a mug she had bought from a *certain store* that she and I both like. This is what I mean, she often does things like that. She told me she bought it last week but left it in her desk drawer, so if she was still pissed at me (for whatever imagined reason) I think she would have just left the mug again.
The truth of the matter is that her reaction has me so conerned I am wondering what I missed. I did not gawk at him in anyway. I saw that he was nude but my eyes were to his eyes. I think I may have missed something. I couldn't describe anything about him. All I saw was a blur or hair and skin.
I'll be in touch again at the end of the week. I hope this awkwardness has passed. I will have to just stop wondering about what exactly set her off. Maybe I shouldn't say it was embarassing? Maybe she thought I was suggesting he should have something to be embarassed about. I don't know. I just can't figure it out.
And my male boss isn't creepy. He's the most normal everyday guy you'd want to meet. Maybe the smile was nerves or kind of like "oh keep walking". Nothing like this has happend before. They are very private people and so am I so it was pretty weird.
Well, thanks for clarifying. It helps to know that you don't think he is a creep ... so maybe it was nerves. And maybe this is the Moms unexpected "don't know how to react" reaction.
ReplyDeleteFrom your update, I would think that if after the next 2-3 days things continue to get normal ... I would leave well enough alone. It will probably work itself out.
Wow, hairy situation! (Couldn't resist). I agree with those who say to give the mom a few more days and see if everything seems back to normal and if not, take it up with her and try to get to the bottom of it. (hehe...)
ReplyDeleteMom, your first 2 stories are priceless. I'm amused by now many accidental encounters people have had. Reminds me of when I saw my boss in his underwear. We were all at a hotel on business and it was late at night when I had to knock on his door and he thought I was my male co-worker, that he worked very closely with on everything, so there he was in his tighty whities. We both just chuckled and I tried not to giggle uncontrollably, which I thought would be rude on my part, but it was difficult. And after a few seconds he was all business, pretending he was fully clothed,, asked if I could drop something off with one of my other co-workers... Hilarious. And THIS was the pr*ck I've written about before so now it's even funnier when I think about it.
Some people get the uncontrollable urge to laugh at funerals. I think the husband didn't know whether to take the humorous approach or another and that's why his smile was so weird.
ReplyDeleteI saw my last employer (the mom) naked on my very first day. While it was incredibly awkward, I think that it broke the ice and we still have a great relationship! Nothing says Welcome to the Family like a naked person! Just kidding
ReplyDeleteThis post was hilarious and brought a smile to my face. *LOL*
ReplyDeleteMaybe the problem is in the way the dad presented the situation to the mom. Maybe he made some joke about it that he thought was funny but that made her uncomfortable. You definitely did nothing wrong...and it sounds like he's behaving normally. She may somehow feel threatened, for whatever reason. I like the advice somebody gave about waiting a few days and then having a chat with her if things don't get better.
ReplyDeleteMom
ReplyDeleteI said the same thing. All I did was think about my husband, and how he'd react. He is your typical male. If this womans husband made an off-handed remark (like mine would have said: "She must've liked what she saw, hee-hee) ... maybe that's why she's upset. Personally I can take a joke, but men will be men (or boys!) lol
Yes Marypp's,
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid that's the nature of men...poor hapless fools. (hehee)
Mine would have been very embarrassed in the moment. However, I can only imagine that the story would have been related from his perspective with a few "embellishments." He would, of course, be joking and find himself completely hilarious. I am the kind who would probably find this all funny...but there's always the potential for him to go "too far" and irk me a bit. I would NEVER blame or mistreat the nanny, however, in this situation. My husband...maybe.(hehee)
And it would only make them act more like a wolf (in their possibly 'snide' comment to the wife about the incident) if the nanny just happened to be cute.
ReplyDeleteYou would hope it would never be a factor, but if someone is attractive, it won't go unnoticed.
I'm glad to hear that things seem to be going back to normal and also glad to hear that dad isn't a creep. I've been in childcare for over 12 years and I've run into a couple of creep dads but most of them are decent guys.
ReplyDeleteHe may have been grinning because he was as shocked and embarassed as you were. I would give it some time and then talk about it with her in private if it still feels as strange. Also, please don't do all the petty things on that list. It is NOT your responsibility at all, and if it isn't in your contract or normal range of duties, politely remind her that it isn't your job. (If it is ONE thing like, can you unload the dishwasher while ___ takes his nap? that's one thing. But if it is a list of busy work, that is NOT okay)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely talk about it with the mom, and probably the dad too, because if you have had a good relationship thus far, it is worth trying to maintain.
ha-ha..come on ..tell her to grow up..are we in kindergarden or what?...tell her you were not impressed with his "little'one..dont we have more importend things to be worried about...
ReplyDeletewhat is wrong with us women..
Okay, OP you saw him naked. Wife was acting pissy. Thats it just ignore her for awhile, she will come around. I mean everyone has seen balls, unless he had three
ReplyDeleteewwww, 3 balls?
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteSo, OP, is mom back to normal now or are you going to have to have a sit-down?
ReplyDeleteJust give it time, she'll get over it. We have two nannies, one male and one female, and both have seen me naked several times. My husband was angry and awkward at first but he got over it. He was mad because the male nanny saw me doing yoga and my labia were spread, causing my vaginal opening to gape wide to his view. Sometimes I'm naked at home and I'm not bothered if they see my body.
ReplyDelete