Received Monday, November 19, 2007 - Rant
This has been a hard year for me and not an easy one for my family. We've had the same nanny since March-ish and she is okay. Definitely, no worries about her being poached. I don't have a lot of liquid assets beyond what I will need for the basics of Holiday giving. I understand I have to contribute to teacher's gifts and the like, but I am in no mood to give this nanny a gift or bonus. Is anyone else with me on this one? She is getting over a week of paid vacation. I will see her on the 22nd of December and not again until the 2Nd of January. That is an awful lot of vacation time at one clip. Why have so many of you set such an awful precedent for over tipping people at the holidays? I'd feel better about doing this if I knew some of you would get on board.
maybe you haven't read about how horrible some nannies can be OP! either appreciate your mediocre nanny and give her a bonus or risk her quitting and seeing a bad nanny post of your child with their new crappy nanny. there are so many bad and good nannies out there that if you find one who is good, you should show her the appreciation she deserves. maybe tell her you can't afford a christmas bonus and write her a nice card about how much you appreciate her.
ReplyDeleteright on nynanny. she is good enough to take care of your poor children, but you don't like her enough to pick her out a gift and give her an even basic bonus? one week is standard. pay up, bitch.
ReplyDeleteI am in no mood to give my nanny a gift, a bonus or even time off. But I will. It's part of the game. You have to play by the rules or YOU WILL GET BURNED.
ReplyDeleteSorry but, I am an employer and my nanny is my employee. It is custumary to give a year end bonus to not do so would be to underpay her.
ReplyDeleteIf your nanny isn't cutting it, find a new one.
The year end bonus is part of the package.
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ReplyDeleteat least give her a card!
ReplyDeleteIf you dan't want to give the woman who cares for children all day a christmas bonus or gift maybe you should put your kids in daycare you ungrateful toad. Not all of us expect a bonus or gifts but it's rude to give teachers gifts and not even acknowledge your nanny's hard work. I hope your nanny doesn't spend one minute thinking up what the kids can make you for Christmas or what small gift she can afford for you.
ReplyDeleteWOW! Bitter much? Maybe your additude is why your nanny is just okay as opposed to excellent? You get what you pay for and after this Xmas perhaps you'll soon have nothing!
ReplyDeleteIf she in fact a mediocre nanny, perhaps the reason lies in you, OP.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I believe this post is even for real. It smacks of someone making this up to get a rise out of us. The answer to the question is too obvious.
I dunno, I suspect your kids will feel kinda fucked when their nanny doesn't buy them a X-Mas gift.
ReplyDeleteBut hey, she's just a nanny, it's not like she's your kid.
Oh, wait, she's someone's kid and deserves some respect...
Nah.
Fuck her, she's mediocre anyhow, right?
Wow, 7:37...you kiss your kids with that mouth? LOL.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I see your point and agree. I just might have been a bit more, ummmm....dainty....about it. LOL.
If you are excited for your nanny to receive her bonus or if you look forward to picking out a few gifts for her, (they don't have to be expensive) then I think you have the right nanny.
ReplyDeleteIf it's such a G-D pain, stay home and take care of your own children.
I am the OP of this post and I am hardly trying to get a rise out of anyone. I just find it incredible that with 4-5 weeks to go before she is off for the Holidays, the nanny is suddenly nicer, brighter and more helpful. All year long I never heard a thank you or have a good day as I was heading out the door, but I sure have the past week. Just the same, when I come home, the nanny damn neer cheerily points out something she has done for dc or for me. If she is capable of doing her job as it was described to her in March, why hasn't she been? I'm sorry but to me it feels like she is playing games and only performing for the hopes of extra money. Yes, that makes me bitter. I am confidant that I am not the only person out there that feels this way!
ReplyDeleteJust curious OP, it would be nice for her occasionally (or regularly) to tell you to "have a nice day" when you think she is NOT expecting a bonus from you, but what does she have to thank YOU for? That you took pity enough on her miserable soul to allow her the priviledge of keeping your children safe, happy and constructively occupied because you aren't capable of (or interested in?) doing it? Also curious, how often do you tell HER "thank you" or "have a nice day"? have you ever told her that even once since she has worked for you?
ReplyDeleteIf you aren't fully satisfied with her, why do you allow her to take full responsibility for your children? If you are that bitter towards her, reschedule your salon appointment and spend that time looking for the best nanny on the planet. Good luck getting her, let alone keeping her. The good ones can probably spot you a mile away.
Wow! No bonus for the nanny eh? Can I have your bosses telephone number so I can make sure you don't get a Christmas bonus either? Vacation is vacation-it has nothing to do with a holiday gift! go ahead and don't give your nanny a gift/bonus and good luck finding that new nanny come January!
ReplyDeleteMy nanny is getting a tin of baked cookies. I plan to tell her, "we wanted to do something really special for you and cash just seemed so cold, so we decorated this tin for you and spent all weekend baking these cookies for you".
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, nanny is getting time off that is is over and above the prenegotiated time off. This is due to how the Christmas and NY holidays fell this year. So, I would hope she would be grateful.
If she dares to take it personally, I might have to suggest to her that I didn't see her make a personal contribution to her job. I've had better nannies.
Thanks OP for being brave enough to say what some of us think!
You are kidding, right? Your nanny is an employee. Would you like it if your boss gave you a tin of cookies?
DeleteIf I were her I would give you the tin back and tell you to shove it. Oh, and also...take care of your own damn kids because you clearly cannot afford a nanny.
I am not on board with settling for a nanny who I feel is anything less than excellent for my children--which is obviously what you have done. You should give her severence and let her go. (She deserves severence because you obviously have not been completely clear that her performance is not acceptable or you would not have kept her in your employ since March). Then you should figure out other childcare arrangements since you are the type of nanny employer who give us all a bad name. I agree with 7:45--I give my wonderful nanny a bonus as well as presents for her and her children from my children, husband and I and we enjoy shopping for and exchanging gifts with her and her family.
ReplyDeleteSome of you are positively awful. There are only about 6 people on my gift list that I really look forward to shopping for and shocking with super gifts and my nanny is one of them. This is in addition to a very generous Christmas bonus. My nanny takes care of my children five days a week and she loves them. When I am in Manhattan or in Rome, I never have to worry that my children are lacking for anything. If you parents don't have that, I ask you; why are you settling? It was harder to find this nanny than I imagine it was to find some of your "unworthy" nannies. There have been issues that have come up that have caused us both unrest, but it is because we are doing this together; both giving our very best to my children. I swear if I lost this nanny tomorrow, I could never work again. She holds my home together for me. My husband isn't as close to her as I am- but he is equally fond of her.
ReplyDelete8:35 your crazy if you think a nanny doesn't make a personal contribution to their job! they practically RAISE you child(ren) for you! where would you be without us?! picking your kid up from some crappy daycare i suspect! and if you've had better nannies, where did they go? they probably left your ungrateful ass for a family that loves and respcts them!
ReplyDeleteTo me, it was nice to receive a Christmas bonus, but nicer to get homemade cards and treats that the family took time to make together for me. It was a way of saying to me "Hey, we know you are here Monday-Friday, but we thought about you together and made you something special."
ReplyDeleteBut what I don't get from your post, or your update, is not that you can't afford it, but that YOU just don't "feel" like it. And honestly, that sounds incredibly snotty and stuck up. If she is more cheery now, it could be for a multitude of reasons, maybe something was bogging her down before that has been resolved. Maybe she has wonderful holiday memories from childhood and just loves this time of year... all kinds of very realistic possibilities that have nothing to do with you.
If you can afford it, a small bonus (what you can afford), or maybe a gift certificate to somewhere would be incredibly nice of you. One year a family got me a gift certificate to my favorite bookstore (because I loved to read during naptimes, and actually read almost all the books on their shelves!) and to my favorite clothing store because all my jeans had holes in the knees from playing on the floor with their child all day. They also gave me the week off, paid too. But had they not needed the time off, I would have still been there. So it isn't fair of you to assume that she wouldn't be there otherwise. If you had already discussed vacation pay, it is incredibly rude of you to consider it her gift... it is her normal pay, that pays her normal bills.
Good luck with your attitude, and I hope that you find another, more valid reason than "I just don't feel like it", or trust me, there's gonna be a few things she will probably just not feel like doing too. You get what you give.
Op...bottom line, this is the woman YOU chose to basically raise your children. If she is not good enough to warrent at least a small gift from your kids, that's your own fault.
ReplyDeleteDid you ever think that maybe she is more cheerful because she is just happy or that she loves the holidays? Lots of people are nicer and more cheerful this time of year.
My mailman waved from across the street today when I was outside. Is that because he is trying to get an even bigger gift card than the $10 one I give him every year?
Okay, maybe, but at least I didn't hire him!
Surely you jest Meme.
ReplyDeleteSurely, you have never tried to call a mother's attention to her nanny's incompetence or her child's suffering at the nanny's hands only to be waved away or otherwise dismissed. I have. I wonder how many of the nannies on this board work for employers who know good and well just how lousy their nannies are. It doesn't surprise me that they wouldn't want to shower their nannies with gifts. They expect to leave their defenseless children alone with these nannies for 60 hours a week, but they would be jumping out of their skin if they had to spen 1/2 hour in the same room with the nanny.
I am sick over hearing about this. You will let your nanny keep your kids but she isn't good enough for a Christmas bonus. I am a nanny and I have been with my family for 19 months. Let me share with you what they gave me for Christmas last year. Not only did they give me a $100 bonus but the mom asked for my "Christmas list". Yes a Christmas list. She asks this of all her kids. And she asked me, her nanny to do the same. Also this wonderful family gives me a weeks vacation every 6 months. And guess what, she is doing the same thing this Christmas. I won't even go into all the other perks I get for being her nanny. We, Nannies, take care of your children. And to hear someone say their nanny doesn't deserve a Christmas bonus! Unbelievable!
ReplyDeleteI hope your list was long because a $100 bonus is an insult.
ReplyDeleteMy employer didnt give me a bonus last year and I have to tell you my feelings were hurt. They did give me a bath and body works set, and to be honest I spent much more on gifts for them + cookies! I was dissapointed? But only for a second- I decided to focus on the positive. This is my second yr with them, and though I stayed on in a position that I only work 15 hrs a week now that the child is in school- because I LOVE her- I doubt I will get a bonus lol. It sucks. I try to thinki that they just have no clue because in most every other way I think they're really great. :(
ReplyDelete9:30: Ever hear it's the thought that counts? Obviously 9:29 felt that she was acknowledged and treated fairly by her family. I don't pay the highest salary in my neighborhood, nor will I give the highest bonus (although I wish I could), but I go out of my way to thank my nanny in lots ways and give her more flexibility in her hours, paid time off than many employers and allow her to bring her child to work with her. She could make more money elsewhere, but she stays with our family of more modest means because we treat her like gold (even though we cant pay her tons of gold).
ReplyDeleteThe thought counts?
ReplyDeleteNot really.
You want a nanny to act professional, she should be treated professionally and acknowledged professionally.
Everyone knows it is customorary to give a minimum of one week salary. Everyone. I give my nanny a percentage of my bonus. Why? I couldn't be a working mother and committ to my job professionally without her.
dear op,
ReplyDeletethe shit you make is equal to the shit you take.
OP, if you don't like your nanny, and you don't approve of the job she does, why the heck is she still working for you? Have you had a performance review? Have you put her on probation? Have you made clear to her what she is doing well and what needs improvement?
ReplyDeleteAnd she isn't cheery enough for you on a regular basis? Well, my gosh, what a jerk she is! I bet you are always unfailingly polite and courteous, thanking her for being there for your kids, and openly showing your appreciation, right? Because I am sure you know that you get back what you give.
I am an excellent nanny, and I go above and beyond. I am not, however, constantly cheerful. Yet, somehow, my employers still manage to appreciate me, and they thank me regularly for what I do, just as I thank them when they do something kind for me. And guess what - I don't often get a big nonus at Christmas. Oddly, genuine thanks makes me not care about the $$ all that much.
No, there is no rule that says one MUST give a Christmas bonus, and you have every right to withhold that money. Just like your boss has every right to pass you over at bonus time or raise time.
IMO, you sound like you are looking for the most passive agressive way possible to make her quit. No bonus or gift from your family is absolutely going to open her eyes to what you really think of her.
If you are very unlucky, she will quit in a passive agressive way, leaving with the bare minimum 2 weeks notice, and you will be scrambling to find another nanny.
OP, you are plain and simple being a bitch.
ReplyDeleteIs it REALLY that hard to pop into a store and buy her something simple like a scarf or a candle set.
If you are doing this because you think she is "sub par" then you are even more ridiculous because you should NOT be letting someone you think is not doing a good job take care of your children.
Everything about this is just wrong. You already know what people are going to post back, so you should just get your act together and either find a new nanny of appreciate the one you've got!
SHEESH. the holiday season really does bring out the scrooge in some people!
I really do not understand why you would keep a nanny on who you did not feel like was doing a terrific job watching your children. Why are you settling in regards to your children. Same with whoever said they gave their nanny a tin of cookies because she did a mediocre job the past year. Why is she still watching your children!?!
ReplyDeleteI am sure she is not mood to go work for you every morning.
ReplyDeleteum, you nannies who talk about how much you love them kids and say you got some teeny bonus and it was okay because you dont care about the money, you do know that's messed up right. you think your employers dont know theyre pulling a fast one on you? i wouldnt say i love the children i take care of. i like them and i do my job but i dont lose sleep over them. be sure that my employer would never give me less than a week bonus. so i ask you as a nanny what is the benefit of investing your self in a job if you dont get anything out of it. if you really are one of those chicks who can love someone elses kid, good on you. and good on your employer, but dont think for a moment your employer wouldnt pay your more money per week and give you a bigger bonus if you were a little bit harder. you cant let these employers think your soft. you got to have presence and make think think twice before they pull some of this on you.
ReplyDeleteIs this nanny less than a human being?
ReplyDeleteOr does she have flesh and blood like you.
Ever heard the golden rule- do unto others...
Ever heard of karma- it is alive and well I promise you it does get you. No wonder your family did not have a good year...hmmm, I wonder why.
Is this nanny less than a human being? if you acknowledge that we are indeed a class based society, then yes.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a nice person posing your kindness question and all, but most employers dont identify with their nannies at all. And not because they think their nannies are less than them, but because they are so fearful of being perceived as less than their peers that any distance they can put between themselves and "the peasants" makes them feel better.
Princess Di was a nanny once. I worked as a nanny one summer. I worked for a large and chaotic family with unimaginable wealth. The mother of the children treated the landscapers the same way she treated her neighbor. She said hello to everyone and when she asked how they were doing, she waited to hear the answer. I learned alot from her.
OP I think people are really nasty with you, and I am not sure this is necessary. If you are a chronic miser, then there is not much to be done, but I suspect that you are upset with your nanny over a number of issues. It is all very easy for nannies and SAHMS to shout " if you are not happy, fire the nanny, otherwise you are just lazy!" but as a working mom I know it is more complicated than that. I think you should sit and have a talk with your nanny, and maybe this will help you see where you want to go with her.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, even if it gets to you, I do think you should give a Christmas bonus/gift to your nanny. It is not about her. It is about you doing the decent thing. Then ... maybe you can start looking for another nanny.
Yup, last year in January I quit my nanny job because, guess what? I didn't get a holiday bonus! It's standard. I could care less about a tin of cookies, just show me the money or buh-bye. I spend way too much time and money and effort finding thoughtful presents for the kids, and making thoughtful presents for the parents.
ReplyDeleteAnd the last I heard, a holiday bonus is 2-4 weeks of pay, NOT the lousy 1 week y'all keep mentioning.
OP and anon at 8:35, have fun in January when your nannies quit abruptly. And 8:35, we don't buy the "cash is too cold" line, so I would not even say it....it's a huge slap in the face, not a compliment.
I don't see how getting a holiday bonus is an absolute given as mentnioned by some posters.
ReplyDeleteMy husband works in finance and MANY people in his investment banking firm will be DOWN for bonuses this year. That's right--all their hard work and not much to show for it. It happens in other industries. I used to work in non-profit and got no bonus at the holidays. There was always some budget problem or another.
I think it should be earned and if you are not satified with your nanny, then just show respect with a nice card and small token from the child.
All this talk about what the nanny gets.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious, how many nannies take the time to get gifts for the children they "dearly love"?
I know so many families who bend over backwards to accomodate their nannies with bonuses and gifts and don't see a thing for their kids. Shouldn't respect work both ways?
5:57 do nannies really not give their charges christmas gifts?! that's crazy to me! those are the few gifts i look forward to getting seeing as how i don't have my own kids yet and i love to buy toys! i do expect a christmas bonus seeing as how i spend about $250 for the family of 5 i work for! your right, respect should work both ways and luckily for me it does!
ReplyDeleteIf you think she was grumpy before, I don't know what you think she'll act like after getting no bonus or gift. Good luck finding a new nanny after Christmas.
ReplyDeleteWell, 5:57, I can't speak for the rest of the nannies, but I've always bought Christmas gifts for my charges, and birthday presents as well. I don't know of a nanny who doesn't.
ReplyDeleteI see two things going on here. The first being that you have not had a great year financially. The second, you believe your Nanny has done a mediocre job, at best. I am curious as to which one outweighs the other in your reason for not providing her with a Xmas bonus? If she knows you've had a less than stellar year, I am sure she isn't expecting something extravagant anyway. Just do your best, pick up a decent gift card, and call it a day. If it is because you think she just ... sucks, then why do you still have her watching your kids? Did you ever hear of 'you get what you pay for'? I'm not sure if it's because you aren't crazy about her, just stingy ... or maybe a little bit of both, but you need to reassess your need for having her around. You obviously don't appreciate her, so why would you want her caring for the most precious thing in the world ... your children?
ReplyDeleteI just don't get it. Why wouldn't a Parent want the best for their children? Especially if they can afford it? And even if they couldn't afford the most expensive Nanny on the block, they certainly should at least find one they personally like.
P.S. JD ~
ReplyDeleteSince we are on the subject here, could you please do the 'Nanny Christmas Bonus' survey again, like last year? That was fun reading.
i can't believe some people don't get the kids they take care of gifts! I couldn't imagine not getting for them! I mean, come on, how much does a toy or two cost? Or, a couple of books?
ReplyDeleteOp Give her a bonus or be prepared to look for a new nanny. You say that this year hasn't been the best for you so I ask how cheery were you all year to your nanny?
ReplyDeleteTo the lady giving her nanny a tin of cookies and telling her cash is cold. The cookies are nice but cash is cash. We all can use some extra this time of year and since your nanny is making considerably less than you think of the good it might do for her this holiday season if she got extra cash.
To the greedy person that said 100 is an insult. I got 200 last year. But I also got a nice gift and I get 2 weeks paid vacation and sick time. The family feeds me regularly often taking me out to dinner with them, they buy me presents when they take vacation and they always remember my children and holidays and birthdays. The 200.00 cash was a nice little perk not an insult. I am grateful for being part of their lives and for them as part of mine.
So many selfish people here.
I suggest this Thanksgiving we be thankful for the jobs we have with kind and generous employers, the people who take great care of our children and help raise them be they employed or family. And for those who have it, the luxury of being able to decide if they should give their domestic help a year end bonus and if so how much. Many families are wondering how to put food on the table this Thursday and gifts under the tree for their kids this holiday.
Actually I was low balling my bonus so I didn't make the woman who wrote this feel stupid. My boss gave me $300!
ReplyDelete10:25
ReplyDeleteYour ridiculous.
10:13
Beautiful post, it got me all misty-eyed!
I'm a full-time nanny, a really good nanny, and I have absolutely no idea what to expect from my family this year. Last Christmas, I had only been with them three months, so I hadn't had a lot of time to gauge their generosity. They gave me a $100 gift card to a bookstore, which I really enjoyed using, since I almost never have any money left (I'm supporting my husband AND myself with this job while he's in school) to buy things for myself. So now I've been with them 13 months, and I've been having a wonderful time with the kids all year. I can't think of anything that would prevent me from deserving a bonus, because I am awesome with their kids and I love being with them and I do whatever the parents ask me to do. On a side note, I've finally gotten over the resentment I carried that they failed to acknowledge my birthday in any way. I actually had to work 3 EXTRA hours on my birthday and I got no card, no gift, barely even a "Happy birthday". When one of THEIR birthdays rolls around I ALWAYS sit down with the kids and we all make fun birthday cards for the parent. Okay, so maybe I'm a little bitter over that. I mean, wouldn't you want to do something special to show the one person you've chosen to trust with the welfare of your children that you appreciate her existence? Anyway, when my 1-year came up I was the one who had to bring up "maybe we should have a meeting to renegotiate the contract." I asked for a raise, and they told me they can't afford to give me a raise because "with the taxes and everything, it's just a lot more expensive than we anticipated", not to mention that finding me through an agency cost money too. They did say that perhaps they could, at the end of next year when they get THEIR Christmas bonuses, give me a bonus of the equivalent amount of a raise. I don't think I should have to wait that long. Then a few weeks later, the mom mentioned something like, half of it this year (at Christmas time) and half of it next year. I don't think what I'm owed for a RAISE should be considered a holiday BONUS at all and I'm starting to feel really disappointed that the family I chose to work for turned out to be a lot less generous than seems normal. Since our 1-year sit-down, I've been reading this blog a lot, and I regret not having negeotiated for some perks instead of a raise, like a monthly metrocard or health insurance. But they don't seem very receptive to giving more than they're contracted to give anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo my question to nannies is this: How royally am I getting screwed over compared to you?
and my statement to employers is this: if you want to avoid the trouble of shelling out that $4000 agency fee or whatever it is, AGAIN, show your wonderful, loving nanny a little love so she'll stick around.
Picking out gifts for the kids I care for is something I really look forward to! They're avid readers so I am always looking for something fun and challenging for them to read. Everyone else can get them toys...I'm strictly books.
ReplyDelete1 week is all she gets for being a mom to your child? god your sooooooo cheap. just so you know, dont be surprised if she doesnt come back after the holidays... most nannies quit when they dont get a xmas bonus or gift. that's a fact. if you cant give her money give her a small gift and tell her its the best you can do. but dont be cheap and classless. i hope she drops your ass. god forbid she takes time off so you can be a "mom"
ReplyDeleteTo the nanny who got $200 and went on and on about how great the family was-
ReplyDeleteThey must not think you are so great, otherwise they wouldn't give you some piddly ass bonus.
If 5 people go to a restaurant, how do you split the bill? 5 ways. So if the nanny is getting gifts for 4 family members and taking care of this and that for every family member, she should get a minimum of 4 gifts back and compensation reflecting her committment.
I would be insulted if I got less than $1,000. And fortunately, it has never happend. Just like employers screen for abusive nannies (childcaregonewrong.blogspot.com has a tape of a nanny smacking a baby while her sister watches), I screen for generosity. Why the hell not?
I'm not good at what I do. I'm great at what I do. I give all year long and I appreciate being properly rewarded by my family.
This woman takes care of your children
ReplyDeleteit's the LEAST you can do to buy her a present or give her a raise
have a heart
11:30 you sound like an evil, selfish witch and I pity the children in your care.
ReplyDeleteI am the nanny that got 200.00 cash as a bonus plus a nice gift and the year long perks of which I listed some but are far too many to list. I got news for you. My husband works for a major, international corporation and you know what he and the rest of the employees got as a bonus last year, a planner. The year before that, they all got turkeys. The year before that, umbrellas. I worked in the corporate world for over 2 decades and only got bonuses with one firm.
I don't feel screwed, used or F'ed over by the family I work for. I thought 200.00 cash was a nice little perk as I said. The gift they gave me was also very nice. (An Irish Wool sweater because I LOVE sweaters) I don't know perhaps it's me but I was raised to not be greedy and be thankful for what you have. I make a very nice salary year round and often find extra in my weekly pay. I know what the family earns as I saw their w-2 forms last year and I would not have accepted much more even if they offered it because they really could not comfortably afford a thousand dollar bonus for me. They show me I am appreciated in many other ways all year long. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, nice clothing for my kids and a job I absolutely LOVE taking care of kids I enjoy. There is no year end bonus that can match that!
the people i work for even gave my husband a birthday gift! you cheap cow! your one of those ungrateful snoots aren't u?
ReplyDeleteThis is a no-brainer. If you dislike your nanny or the quality of her performance, she should no longer be your nanny.
ReplyDeleteI was a nanny for a family of which I took care of their twins, who were very spoiled and bratty, for 50 hours per week for 450.00 per week. When Christmas came, I purchased a movie gift card for them so they could see a movie. They looked shocked and later that day they gave me an envelope with 100.00 in it. I don't think they had been planning on getting me anything but felt guilty when I gave them a Christmas gift.
I was grateful for the 100.00 but left them later that year for many reasons not the least of which was that they were ungrateful and disliked me which I got through actions rather than words.
If you don't give your employee a work review in which you detail their performance and how it is lacking, you do not have the right to complain. Of course you should give them a holiday bonus or at least a gift card or a nice present (not from the dollar store!) If you do not, I hope she gets it and decides to leave.
Is this story for real? Many of the posts today sound like creative writing experiements from the local community college!!
Peace out, crappy employer...
p.s. That 450.00 per week was before taxes: after taxes was about 375.00
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to give your nanny a gift or bonus but it might affect her attitude towards you in the coming year.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't feel that she deserves a bonus, at least give her a gift. It doesn't have to be something really expensive either.
I wouldn't be surprised if you are a lazy SAHM with a full time nanny, but if you are in fact employed somehwere, how would you feel if your boss "didn't feel like" giving you a christmas bonus that you probably deserve and expect? What goes around comes around, so it sounds like since you have already had a hard year, Karma has you in store for another one! Bleh.
ReplyDeleteBonuses motivate people- that's why they exist.
ReplyDeleteI know some nannies are happy with what they receive and some are not. I'm not judging but it seems like there's quite a wide disparity with bonuses and perks.
It would be great if Jane Doe could organize a survey!
I get:
$20 an hour for one child (I pay taxes)
4 -6 weeks paid holidays a year (family is European)
I don't know if I'll get a bonus (I just started in September). I will be buying Christmas presents for them. Something small for the parents and something more substantial for the child.
For nanny bonus survey results from the INA, look at:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nanny.org/images/2006SalarySurvey/pages/Slide4.htm
http://isawyournanny.blogspot.com/2006/12/holiday-bonuses-part-1.html
ReplyDeleteISYN HOLIDAY BONUS
Please don't compare nannies to other professions. There is an emotional component that doesn't factor into other professions. I give my three charges Christmas and birthday presents, and smaller things for Valentine's day, Halloween, and Easter, because I enjoy making them happy. I help them make cards and gifts for their parents for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, their anniversary. Do investment bankers do that for their boss and the boss's children?
ReplyDeleteI am grateful for the generous bonuses I have received. What really means the most though is the card expressing appreciation for my efforts during the past year, and the fact that my employer took the time to help her children make cards and pick out little gifts.
If you have a terrific nanny, show her she is appreciated. If you really feel you don't want to give her a bonus or gift, you need a new nanny ASAP.......or maybe you are just a grinch!
A Nanny
Bravo to the person who said that bonuses motivate people, that's the simple truth!
ReplyDeleteI have friends who work at relatively low paying assistant jobs and make around $30-35K a year. The ones who make $30K, but who get a $2,000 bonus at Christmas like their jobs a whole hell of a lot more than the ones who make $32K but who's bosses don't "believe in bonuses".
When you hire a nanny and negotiate her salary, factor in all the expenses. That includes wages, health insurance, vacation/sick pay, taxes and yes, BONUSES.
Bottom line, her bonus isn't written into her contract, so you can give it or not. But--just as I hope she teaches your children--you should know that every action has consequences. Be prepared to face yours.
As much as OP sounds like a raving stingy selfish bitch, I have to agree with the posters who point out that bonuses are NOT an absolute given in any other industry. And yes, I WILL compare nannying to other jobs, because you do the job and expect to be paid, therefore it IS a job to be compared to others.
ReplyDeleteI worked in office jobs for many years, salaried with loads of OT, and some companies gave bonuses, some didn't. I never got more than $200, and made $45-$55k/yr. My husband is in construction, has been for many years, and sometimes he's gotten a bonus of a couple hundred dollars, many times none. His boss now is very accomodating, flexible about time off, etc, but he doesn't give bonuses. Also doesn't offer a group health plan or paid time off. So to those screaming abpout how a measly couple hundred dollars is an insult...I might say "quityerbitchin".
Yes, the job of caring for someone's children is VERY important and OF COURSE they should value you and respect you and treat you like gold. If they treat you like shit the rest of the year, a nice bonus is the least they can do to make up for it, but if they are great in every other respect and you decide to badmouth them because you got less than $1000 bonus, get over it and go answer phones somewhere.
If it's true that every January nannies are leaving their jobs in droves because of not getting satisfactory bonuses, well that's something employers might want to keep in mind. But to the rest of the world, this is nothing remarkable.
P.S. to OP: If you can't bring yourself to pull a few bucks out of your a$$ and get her a decent Christmas gift, you may as well admit to yourself that you WANT her to quit on you with no notice, or 2 weeks if she takes pity on you. By the sounds of it, she may anyway, even if you DO give her a gift and a bonus, so you'll be in the same boat you're in now.
ReplyDeleteBTW, if you follow the link above to the INA survey results on nanny bonuses, you might want to also look at this page of the site to see the qualifications/experience of the 1119 nannies who completed the survey.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nanny.org/2006salarysurvey.htm
About the person who asked about nannies buying their charges gifts:
ReplyDeleteI always buy the kids I watch little presents. All year long. I have a bunch of kid movies and watching a movie with me (while I am working) is a real treat. Sometimes I will buy them their favorite movie, or a special arts and crafts project. I will always buy a toy (if I can afford it) that I think the child will genuinely enjoy...
It is hard though when you spend time with the child, making gifts for everyone's birthday or each holiday, and when you take the time to really help them appreciate loved ones in their lives, and when it rolls around for your wedding/birthday/holiday, you get nothing but the parents coming home late as usual. It's kind of a slap in the face, as I stated above, not to even get a crayoned homemade card. To me it says "I am teaching your child to appreciate and love the people in their life, and helping them learn how to give thanks to people who give them presents, etc., and you are doing the opposite." Just another slap in the face of why when you have to leave the job, sometimes it doesn't matter what kind of progress you made with a child developmentally... there are always parents who are just not "in the mood" to step it up a little bit, ever, and that rubs off on the kids.
JD
ReplyDeleteI hope you will do another survey on nannys Xmas bonuses again!!!
anonymous hawking INA. you do realize the INA hates this website and Jane Doe and tried to shut down this site in the beginning, right? Seems strange to hand them the apropos link. It's propoganda anyway.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but 20 percent of nannies do not have 100 percent paid health insurance. 100 percent of them shoud, but they don't. Don't forget that many so called nannies aren't educated enough nor they speak enough English to become aware of or properly fill out a survey.
and so it goes.
ReplyDeleteCali mom:
ReplyDelete" yes, I WILL compare nannying to other jobs, because you do the job and expect to be paid, therefore it IS a job to be compared to others."
Let's be fair. Nannies shouldn't expect bonuses, or gifts because people in some other jobs don't get them? If you are going to compare apples and oranges, look at ALL the differences.
OK, lets see: some jobs provide health insurance, and a 401k or other retirement benefits. Most employers in other professions pay on the books, which means they pay 71/2 % into the employee's Social Security, and the employee is covered by workman's com. and unemployment insurance which the employer also pays for. The majority of nannies don't get ANY of this.
Nannies often work extra without extra pay. I am salaried and work late 9 times out of 10 for no extra money. If I don't get a bonus, I'm going to start charging them.
ReplyDeleteThank you 12:42. Nannies don't get a lot of the things other industries do so a Christmas bonus is one of the perks. Just like excellent health insurance and a retirement plan is a perk in other industries. I worked for a mom who thought the way you do Cali mom, she didn't get anything for her birthday or Christmas from work so why should I? Even though I not only made her a card from her twins I also went out and bought her flowers with my money. My birthday was the day after hers and she barely looked at me to tell my happy birthday. She also expected me to sit down with the twins every month and make cards for everyone in the famiy. I quit after 10 months because it all comes down to feeling appreciated for spending 50 hours a week with someone's kids and they just don't get it. They think you're as important as someone who comes once a week to clean the house not as someone who is heping to raise their kids.All we want is some freakin appreciation how hard is that to understand?
ReplyDeleteI find it just shocking, shocking that although we have cases of employers holding nannies as slaves (Long Island) and employers beating the hell out of their nannies (Susan Tepper), there has never been a case of a nanny beating the daylights out of her employer. Because, sorry people but it sounds like a lot of these employers need a stiff ass kicking.
ReplyDeleteOP-Do you give your cleaning lady/crew a bonus? Because you're supposed to do that as well. Double her normal one time fee is appropriate.
ReplyDeleteI find it so ironic that us nannies tend to be the compassionate ones here that always remember those that help us during the year, and reward them with small bonuses or extra tips during the holidays. Ie: hairdressers, mail carriers, etc. I always keep them in mind this time of year. Yet, I'm the one that ends up not getting noticed for my own hard work.
OK, 12:42, you're right that some jobs provide 401k and profit sharing plans which I assume most families do NOT. However, I have NEVER worked for or even interviewed with a company that pays for the employees' health insurance 100%. Most of them offer a group plan where they cover a percentage of the employees' premium and a lesser percentage of the premium for the employees' dependants. One week paid time off for the first year is standard in salaried jobs, and if you gain some seniority, you work your way up to more time.
ReplyDeleteIf you accept a job that doesn't pay on the books, that's your choice and your mistake. If you can't GET a job that pays on the books because you're working illegally, tough tootsies. Get legal or get out.
1:02, I have put in MANY MANY MANY MANY OT hours without extra pay on salaried jobs. Deadlines require it and you are supposed to get comp time in lieu of OT in such a case, but I usually didn't either.
8:39, those parents just sound rude and thoughtless, and I think what it boils down to is that if you don't get certain benefits (like 401k), you SHOULD get others, like a year end bonus. So if you don't get any assistance with health insurance, and no 401k or profit sharing, a nice bonus would be a decent way of the employer to show some appreciation besides the basic salary.
Cali Mom.... you are right about the health insurance. My husband works for the largest health care employer in the US in the surgical department and they still only pay part of our insurance and also do not pay vacations or sick days. You earn days off based on the amount of hours you work with no time off. It would be nice if we got 100% insurance paid, but it is quite rare in any industry.
ReplyDeleteI don't know who you've been working for, Cali Mom, but 2 weeks vacation is standard for entry level salaried jobs.
ReplyDeleteCali mum, you mentioned that overtime is common in many jobs. That is correct BUT not when it comes to blue-collar positions where there is no chance of advancement. People work overtime because they may get promoted eventually. You can't get any higher as a nanny.
ReplyDeleteYou can't get any higher as a department head either, but if OT is required to complete your projects and meet your deadlines, you do it or switch careers.
ReplyDelete8:46, none of the companies I've worked for started people with 2 weeks, at least not in my memory.
I have a rather low paying job, have only been onboard for about six months and have already gotten a bonus! It makes me feel appreciated and makes me want to stay.
ReplyDeleteI deplore people such as this OP, who openly reveals her chintzy side when having to consider a bonus for her nanny, the person she entrusts with the care of her children. OP, you are an employer with an employee. What do you do when you are away from your home, manage a sweatshop?
ReplyDeleteBah humbug to you.
fg
ReplyDeletelol ... funny as hell!
I think your nanny should definitely find another job. It sounds like you don't appreciate her. She deserves better! Shame on you!
ReplyDeleteBITCH.
ReplyDeleteBITCH!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletebitch?
ReplyDeleteOP, FYI, you are supposed to wish the nanny and children a nice/fun day when you leave, and thank the nanny at the end of the day when she leaves.
ReplyDeleteMiss Manners
I would never not tip my nanny, she takes care of my children, she is a very important person in my life and my children's lives
ReplyDeleteI'm curious...when did it become fashionable to do the WRONG thing? Have some class (this is directed at the OP of course) and respect, value and pay your nanny well and graciously. Be grateful that you have the luxury to employ someone to care for your children. Be generous, kind and sweet to your nanny (treat her as you would want her to treat your children). If you're too stuck in your own ego-trip, do your nanny a favor and let her go (with 30 days notice and severance pay!) and admit to yourself that you're too selfish,arrogant and moronic to be anyone's employer. Do us all a favor and do the RIGHT thing for a change.
ReplyDeleteHappy holidays *wink*
You have enough money for a nanny and gifts for other people, but not enough to show a little appreciation for the person RAISING YOUR KIDS????? You've taken on a responsibility by being an employer, and your pettiness & mean spirit say a lot about the kind of employer you must be.
ReplyDeleteWhat's scary is that you leave your kids with someone you think is sub par. That would make you a bad mom. Please, put your kids is daycare since it sounds like you cannot afford to even have a nanny. My nanny only works about 15 hours a week, and we're giving her $2500 as a bonus, although she's worth twice that amount! Though the season is not about money, if you feel like it is too much to show appreciation to the person raising your children for you, then you are a bitch. You are not providing a good example to your children, either, if you treat you nanny like crap. Gahhh! You make me sick!!!!!!!!! I'm hoping you get an intervention to save your soul, Mrs. Scrooge!
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with you!!! This person takes good care of your children. You should be more appreciative and show it ...generously. Keep her happy and you would be happy in the long run. Shame on you for even posting this ad. Do you know how difficult it is to find good help these days? Consider yourself blessed and be a blessing this season. You will definitely reap excellent benefits
ReplyDeleteNice try, 9:15, but a nanny does not work 15 hours a week.
ReplyDeleteEver heard the quote "there is no right way to do the wrong thing"?
ReplyDeleteOP is obviously a selfish, arrogant person who thinks little of the feelings of other people.
I pity her children.
616 am, who are you to say how many hours qualifies a person to be a nanny? I do not have a babysitter, if that is what you are implying. My child does not sit in front of the tv while an uneducated girl sits on the sidelines. My nanny used to work full time for me until I quit my job. Although she has another job, she's availabe twice weekly to help us out. And sorry, but I don't think anyone would pay a "babysitter" over $20 an hour. Or give a "babysitter" a $2500 Christmas bonus. Whoever you are, please, just step away from your computer and interact with the kids already! Don't take out your anger on someone you don't even know!
ReplyDeleteWell said 2:02.
ReplyDeleteThat's like trying to say that a professor who only teaches one class a week is only a teacher's assistant because he/she only works 15 hours a week. An ignorant slug can check on the whereabouts of her or his charges once every half an hour in between gossip sessions on the cell phone and be on the clock for 60 hours a week. That does not make her or him a nanny, IMHO.
Personally... it's the schooling that qualifies someone as a nanny... just FYI...
ReplyDeleteI didn't get bonuses from my last family (although I should have for what I had to deal with!)....
ReplyDeleteBut i did get great gifts... things she had heard me mention in conversation that I wanted...
So, even a small gift is appriciated... we are not all driven by money!
I was actually surprised by a family in the past when they gave me a bonus... :)
I'm struggling with this right now myself. I ADORE my nanny and would love to give her a month's pay as a bonus, but we simply cannot afford it.
ReplyDeleteShe just celebrated a big holiday, so we researched it and bought her a small but lovely gift that fell in line with the traditions of that holiday.
I will give her a gift at Christmas and the paid week off, but I don't think we can afford a large cash bonus. I think I'd rather give her a thoughtful gift, a heartfelt note and something handmade by the children rather than insult her with a few dollars. Thoughts!
Thanks, Cali Mom. I don't understand why some of these trolls don't understand the difference between a babysitter and a nanny. I have to say I agree with 833, schooling.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cali Mom. I don't understand why some of these trolls don't understand the difference between a babysitter and a nanny. I have to say I agree with 833, schooling.
ReplyDeleteOpps, sorry for the double post!
ReplyDeleteI like your analogy Cali mom, I think that nannies
ReplyDeleteand babysitters are a bit like teachers and tutors. A part-time nanny is like a teacher doing some tutoring.
This is a tricky one.
ReplyDeleteI do understand that some parents cannot afford a large bonus, but I think tht should be calculated when you do hire a nanny, because bonusses are usually at least i weeks salary, and most nannies feel the amount they get really tells them how their employer values them. It's just the way it is.
My last job, I didn't get a bonus, I got a gift and I was really ticked. I am not a person that feels entitled and I was surprised that I was so ticked.
My work as a nanny is above board and everybody usually wants to know where the parents find me, but this mom was just a selfish person or stingy is a better word.
When I decided to leave (not because of the bonus but because of her other selfish ways) she cried and begged me to stay admitting she took me for granted.
That was even worse- she knew what she was doing.
So I would say that a gift should never replace a holiday bonus. Factor it in when you hire your nanny. Nannies are different, however if your nanny is very experienced and her experiences come from working with several families- then it may be wiser to give the bonus because you will be compared to the others, and she may feel underappreciated.
A heartfelt gift cannot buy anything. During the holidays everyone needs extra money!
I actually don't like gifts either because I kind of have everything I need, and if there's anything I want I like to buy it myself- just my thoughts, but all nannies are different.
Almost all of you are the most frivolous people I've read in my life, this might have to do with the US,but whatever, xmas is not about the presents or the money, u know?, I've been taking care of kids for 5years now, and you know what? Is not about the money,is about how much I love kids, and how good is my relation with the parents, been with AuPair at the begining was ok, the family gave me 300$ bonus (weekly pay was $160), n a present, then I had 2 families,both were awful, I loved the kids,but the parents were something else, because I didn't conect with them and the relation was too tense, I didn't get them anything n I didn't get anything from them, but I did get so.mething for the kids, both families same thing, now with the family am currently working with, the story is this, first i love the kids, and the mom is awesome (father is out of the pic), I have an awesome relation with both kids and the mom, reason why I'm gettin presents for the 3 of them, and to tell the truth I don't care if she doesn't get me anything, I'm grateful to have a job, that pays ok, I work long hours,yes,and that's part of the job, but you know? If you click with the family it really shouldn't. Matter weather you get or not a bonus or a gift, xmas is not ab out receiving, is about giving, I know that with the economical crisis, everybody could use this "cold hard cash",but you know what its not the end of the world if you don't, and something else:
ReplyDeleteEMPLOYERS: find nannies that love you children as their, not that have to love your checkbook in order to love your kids
NANNIES: if you need more money in order to love kids,do us all a favor, find another job!!!
Last year my boss gave me a bonus the year before I got nothing! This year I bought for the 3 kids I nanny for and I got nothing again! I was told I was getting a tin of baked goods! To add insult to injury the kids were very unappreciative towards their gifts!
ReplyDelete