Thursday, September 27, 2007- Perspective & Opinion
Mostly this is for advice.I was a nanny for a little boy for about a year, starting when he was 16 months old. I found out the mother looking for another nanny to replace me, and had found one, without giving me notice or reason, so I quit. The father was outraged at her for doing that to me and their son, and asked me back, but I said no because I felt this was the last time I could put up with her disrespect. (She never gave me or him a reason.) Since, me and the father have stopped talking, but I still love that little boy with all my heart. I can't help but to, after caring for him for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, for a year.Yesterday I was driving through the park and saw his new nanny, driving him. He is 2 years old, standing in the front seat of her car, not in a seat belt, while she was driving. Yes, his home is only about 5 blocks away, but I don't think that that is an excuse! Were he in at least a seat belt I wouldn't say anything, but I think this is too much. He is STILL "my boy", and I really feel like my own son was in the car. I did go to the police station and talk to a woman there about it, and she said they would do what they could. I want to call the mother, but when I worked there SHE bought the car seat, and saw it every day when she walked past my car to get to her own. I don't see how she could not know, unless there was a car seat and he wasn't in it. I don't want her to think I'm lying because I feel a grudge against the new nanny, and I have been told to keep my mouth shut and that I am blowing it out of proportion due to bad feelings. But really, I can't get an image of a car crashing into the front passenger side seat, while he is standing there, out of my head. I really don't see HOW I am over reacting. But I am the only one who thinks my fear and anger is justified, and that I NEED to tell the parents.Parents- would you take this claim seriously even though there was just a bad argument and I was let go? Am I somehow overreacting or caring too much? And if the mom is aware of this, should I mind my own business?
Maybe you could tell the dad? What the mom did to you was horrible and she obviously has her own issues but that little boy could be seriously hurt. Even if it was in their neighborhood you do not allow a two year old to do that. I could understand if the child was older, maybe, but two? I definitely think you should tell someone and what is the worst that could happen? you aren't speaking to them right now anyway, so nothing. Just make sure this was definitely your boy and his new nanny because sometimes kids can look alike in the car.
ReplyDeleteAsk a friend to call as a concerned parent. but have them do it when you know the parents will be home to answer the phone.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely try to contact the father with this information. Most auto accidents happen within a ridiculous proximity to home. And if he wasn't even restrained, this is a terrible precedent. I shudder to think what other chances the nanny might be taking.
ReplyDeleteTell the dad, even if you just leave him a message, and if he thinks you're just sour grapes, oh well. You've cleared your conscience, and it's no longer within the realm of your control.
ReplyDeleteI hope the new nanny hooks up with the dad. Haha.
I would take it seriously, but then again I've never used a nanny.
ReplyDeleteI'd tell the dad. Whether or not they wrongfully think that you are just jealous, at least you know that you cleared your conscience. As Michele r put it "Most auto accidents happen within a ridiculous proximity to home". My friend lost his wife in a car crash two blocks from home.
ReplyDeleteToo bad you couldn't have gotten a picture. I am sure that would be hard to do last minute. If you have their home number, find a time when you know the mom won't be there. Then just leave a message. Just state: I am just calling to inform you that I saw your son in the front passenger seat of the car. At this time at this place. Just wanted to let you know. Bye
ReplyDeleteShort and sweet and to the point
Not only do you need to tell the parents, you need to call the police and give them the plate number as well as the address. Dont tell them you used to be the nanny. Just say what you saw and let the cops tell the parents.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right in wanting to do something about this. Accidents happen quickly, and this little guy wouldnt have a chance if he were not belted in.
ReplyDeleteCall the dad when you know he will be home.
Let me get this straight. He was STANDING in the front passenger seat. That is so wrong, I think any idiot who did this should be fired. You need to tell the dad, the kid is only 2 years old and should always be in a carseat properly straped in. The new nanny is obviously clueless about proper childcare.
ReplyDeleteThis is the OP-
ReplyDeleteYes, he was standing, pretty wobbly and holding onto the back of the seat.
I would call the dad, but we aren't in touch anymore and I deleted their numbers from my phone a few weeks ago, figuring I wouldn't need to call them anymore. I am thinking of slipping a little note into their mailbox, and signing it "a concerned neighbor".
I REALLY want them to take this seriously, and I don't think they will if they know I'm the one who saw it. My friend said she would email the mom for me and say she saw it when she was out with her son.
I'm furious because- right after the issue happened (not even a week after) the mom called me, hysterical, because the nanny had been in a car accident and couldn't get to work that day, and I went in for the day (mostly just to see my boy again, and I felt bad for the mom.)Having a record of car accidents should make her be even more careful with a child!!!
Thanks everyone. I'm going to ignore every who told me to mind my own business, and make sure it doesn't go unnoticed by his parents.
I think putting a note in the mailbox is a good idea. What's important is the safety of this child. If, God forbid, something bad happend to the little guy you wouldn't be able to live with yourself, so be his advocate. It sounds like you are going to do the right thing.
ReplyDeleteThey got what they paid for
ReplyDeleteOooh this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I don't get angry about a lot of stuff, but when I see a child not in a car seat, I am furious. Not only is it stupid, it's against the law! That child would go right through the windshield in an accident. Whether this is a child you used to care for and still love, or a stranger you've never seen before, you need to call the police as soon as it happens and tell them where the car is heading and the license plate number. Please, please, do something. Your disagreements with the parents have nothing to do with it. A child is in danger and needs an advocate. Every one of us should step up when we see this happening.
ReplyDeleteWell the mom certainly thinks well enough of you to trust you with her son under short notice, so in her eyes you can't be that bad...how weird she looked for another nanny behind your back.
ReplyDeleteThat said, don't you need to keep their numbers as employment reference? Even if it ended badly, they should verify for future employers. I would keep records for all my past clients.
I'm a parent with a nanny. Hopefully I have been fair and up front with nannies past and present. YES I would want to know. I think your instincts are right to have someone else say something or do it anonymously. You want them to have the information they now have a nanny who jeapordizes their son's life, and with that type of alarming information they may not want to believe it, and blame the messenger, especially if they can concoct an excuse in their heads to do so. So you don't have another job yet, thus if you said something honestly they wouldn't think it was from being vindictive?
OP, this is truly horrifying! I think your ideas of an anon note in their mailbox or a friend emailing them would be good.
ReplyDeleteThe really frightening thing is that any idiot who would even THINK of doing that probably makes a habit out of doing it, so she's probably done it with him before and will probably keep doing it for as long as she can get her lazy ass away with it. And she should NEVER EVER be allowed to be a nanny anymore EVER. There's probably not much if anything you can do about that aspect of it but DEFINITELY, the parents need to know about this.
Get a picture of the kid standing in the car and mail them the picture. That way, they don't know it was from you. I would definately let them know. You could also send them a letter in the mail. Don't sign it if you don't want to. Maybe they will read it and think maybe it is true.
ReplyDeleteNot only should he be strapped in a properly installed carseat, but children under 5 feet tall should never ride in the front seat. Even a minor accident can deploy the air bag and kill them.
ReplyDeleteLaws vary from state to state, but in most cases, the police would pull her over.
9:30...Yeah, let's watch for her to further endanger the child's life so a pic can be taken. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteHow is taking a picture endangering the childs life? If she takes it from a distance, the nanny is not even going to know.
ReplyDeleteThe incident already happened, how is she supposed to go back and time and take a picture? I mean I would love this site to be loaded up with nasty nanny pictures. I love the picture idea, but the former nanny needs to do something now. This sounds like the case of a nanny with overall bad judgment.
ReplyDeleteOh so you stil babysit for her on occasion? Why didn't you say so. If so, tell her outright
ReplyDeleteI only babysat once, only about a week after it happened. It happened months ago. After that she asked me to come back a few times because the nanny was getting her car repaired, but I had another job.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow I am going to leave a note in their mailbox, and go to the park. I knew many mothers, fathers, and nannies there, and I'm going to talk to them and see if they saw something like that.
I don't think the police station took me seriously, I'm only 18 and look alot younger, so I'm hoping if other people at the park saw this behavior they will report it as well.
And, at the risk of seeming nosey and obsessed, I WILL be making that my usual route to town now. No matter what is going on with his mother, he is my boy, and I have no issue looking foolish to make sure he doesn't go flying through a window someday.
11:44: taking the pic isnt endangering the child...waiting around for the nanny to continue to drive with the child like this is endangering. DUH!
ReplyDeleteHere is a thought...
ReplyDeleteNow that there has been an accident, why not casually mention to the parents "Hey....if a car seat has been in an accident, you legally have to replace it, don't you?" And work the topic of her not even using one in from there....
(I am in Canada...it could be that the laws are different where you are re:car seats and accidents, but I thought I would toss that out there....)
Regardless, you do need to find a way to say something....
Good luck!
I am thinking the mom fired you because you are too close to her son. Did you ever call him "my boy" in front of his parents, or others?
ReplyDeleteYes, Some things you just can't change!
ReplyDeleteI agree with 127, this would totally piss me off. He isn't your kid, OP, get over it. Great that you are looking out for him, but you need to keep a professional distance from your next clients, unless you want history to repeat itself.
ReplyDeleteThe mom fired me because when I wasn't there, he asked for me, and when he was helping set the table for dinner he set me a place as well. He also included me in his family "I'm Mamas Baby, Dadas Baby, Nana's Baby." His parents encouraged that behavior, until the mom suddenly got jealous.
ReplyDeleteShe's mature like that.
I went to the moms work and told her (don't worry, she doesn't get in trouble for visitors, not that kind of job), and she fired the nanny. (First I went and talked to other people at the park and they've seen it too, but not said anything.) Far from pissed off, she hugged me and thanked me for not keeping it to myself. Unlike certain people, she cares about her sons life more than a silly grudge against a nanny.
3:38, if I promise if I ever do see your children in danger, I won't tell you. Don't worry about me pissing you off.
OP, Well done, so glad the child's safety came before personal issues, for both you and his mom.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe people on here complaining about nannies caring too much! Damned if you do, damned if you don't. A nanny can't win on here!
Hi its 1:27
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean to hurt your feeling with what I posted. Just wondering if she got rid of you for that reason. Of you being attached to her son.
I am glad you said something to your former employer. They probably wish they could get you back. Hopefully, your working for a nice family.
1:27,
ReplyDeletemy nanny calls my sons her "boys".
I love that she does that. You cannot have a nanny that cares about your child too much. My nanny would never let anything happen to my children. She is their advocate out on the street and everywhere she goes. She is an integral part of my life and a part of my family. To those people who would be concerned about a nanny who called their child, "my boy", I really feel for your children. Step back and for a minute imagine the security that child feels? Left in the care of a person besides his own mother who had true affection for him. That is a wonderful thing- and rare to find!
Its 1:27
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Heidi. I understand where you are coming from. I worked for a great family when I was younger. Really awesome I did love the little guy I took care of. I wasn't with him everyday maybe twice a week. Even though I loved him I never would consider calling him my boy. I don't know why just didn't. Everyone is different. I cared alot for him and loved him and the family. But never to extent of calling him mine.