Received Tuesday, September 25, 2007-Perspective & Opinion
Problem...I have been part-time nanny for about 10 weeks...parents in middle of divorce...I've been told I may have to go to court as a witness in the proceedings...which means I'll have to take off from my full-time day job to do this...I really don't want to get involved in this since things were apparently ugly before I started the job...what should I do?
Follow up: 9/27/07:
Thanks for all your responses to my 9/24 post about being "called to court"!! I still don't know what to do...I'm so confused because I am a live-in and I don't want to jeopardize my place to live, but then again, I don't want to stay in a nasty situation just to have a place to live...does that make sense? anyway...it's thursday at 1pm and so far i haven't been "called"...thank God!!! one of you mentioned a contract...I don't have one with my employer...we're kinda working on virtue of "verbal agreement"...should i initiate one? write one? how would/should i approach her with this idea?
If you "have" to go to court, you will be subpoenated. And then you will do exactly as instructed, answering each and every question truthfully.
ReplyDeleteAre you confusing yourself with Britney's bodyguard?
ReplyDeletewhat is this about?
ReplyDeleteare you the secret witness?
Honestly... I would quit, with as much grace as I could handle. There is no reason for you to be involved in this divorce, as a babysitter, you are generally expected to care for the kids while the parents are not home. However, if you saw something that was not right, like child abuse, neglect, or maybe a parent excessively drinking, and are supeaoned (No clue how to spell that one), then you should absolutely step up and testify to the best of your ability with complete honesty.
ReplyDeleteIf you are supeonad, then you have to go, regardless of your full time job, and no matter what they say. Definitely quit now though, there is no reason to stay involved in that kind of high stress, out of control situation.
Your only in the job 10 weeks..I would quit..as nicely as possible.
ReplyDeleteHow many hours are you working? Perhaps you are overinflating your own worth to this situation. If you have a full time day job, how can you be relevant? Unless the family is seriously f*cked up, in which case as a mandated reporter, why haven't you called DFC? (Dept. of Family Services?)
ReplyDeleteIf you get subpeona'd you have no choice, but I would just quit or tell them you are not comfrotable being in the middle of this.
ReplyDelete9:55 PM
ReplyDeleteWhy so nasty, are you the parent she will be called to testify against?
She said she was TOLD she may be called.
OP, Quit this job before you get dragged in any deeper, and GL.
OP, I have been in your situation twice in the past, for 2 different families no less. Once I was called to court and had to testify and the second I was able to write a letter and be done with it. Both times I left the job after I was notified that it would be required of me. In no way was I responsible to cope with the legal precedings I was forced to. The first time the dad started harrasing me on the nights I had the children and then following me around and trying to find out things. I ended up getting a restraining order against him. the second family I left once the dad got home from his overseas tour and notified him and his lawyer on the going ons while he was gone (i was there 6 months and mom moved out after 4, leaving me to watch her 4 boys so that she could have her two boyfriends anytime she wanted). needless to say, I made darn sure that my current family was stable and commited to each other before I even thought about taking the position. My advice, quit now, and try to minimize the impact you would be required. hopefully that helps.
ReplyDeleteI am in a similar situation. I have worked for a family for 2 years, and in December of last year they filed for divorce. I never had a contract with the parents, so I wrote one up and one of the stipulations in it was that if I was subpoenaed for court, then I would terminate my job immediately. If I could do it over again though, I would have quit as soon as I heard the word Divorce.
ReplyDeleteGet out before it gets bad.
OP,
ReplyDeleteare you planning to post back?
With more info?
Don't sign anything they ask you to. Editors will pay thru the teeth for sordid nanny stories. A dastardly custody battle would only sweeten your pot.
Can you write?
thanks for all your responses!! i still don't know what to do...i'm so confused because i am a live-in and i don't want to jeopardize my place to live, but then again, i don't want to stay in a nasty situation just to have a place to live...does that make sense? anyway...it's thursday at 1pm and so far i haven't been "called"...thank God!!! one of you mentioned a contract...i don't have one with my employer...we're kinda working on virtue of "verbal agreement"...should i initiate one? write one? how would/should i approach her with this idea?
ReplyDeleteoh girl, don't waste your time on a contract. you are screwed. this has happened before. you are not the first. the last time i know of, the female nanny testified or took the side of the father so the father accused her publicly of stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars. hs actuall accusations did not make sense, but he was regarded as the person with money, so her reputation was ruined. ruined. Google Chelsea Fesenmaier.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you want to stay there? Find another place. It should be easy since you have a FT job. If it was as you said, "nasty before" what makes you think it is going to be less nasty now? And don't trust anyone who assures you. A nanny in the middle of a court proceeding is a tool. You will be sacrificed for someone's benefit.
I think you are deluding yourself to think you can get away with this situation unscathed. Are you tempted to be less than honest? You said you might have to go to court and you also said you have no contract and you might to talk to your employer about it. You indicated your employer is female. You have only been there ten weeks. Who was there before you? I would investigate just what kind of situation I was in the middle of and make very certain I didn't offer "blind assistance".
ReplyDeleteop, what are you sticking around for? what is the best result for you?
ReplyDeleteop- if there is something go on in that house and you have not come forward, then your troubles are going to be bigger than witness in a divorce trial. you could be charged as a mandated reporter. i don't know where you are but the district attorney in my area is looking to make an example out of people who stand by and do nothing or fail children. i am not saying this is you. but if you are doing the right thing in your job and by your charges and are an honest person, i don't think you have anything to fear. but if you aren't, don't be naive.
ReplyDeleteI have a nanny of my own, but I personally know a nanny who got dragged into a court dispute and then through the mud.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.divorcestory.com/DivorceStory.htm
You definitely should NEVER work without a contract, OP. NEVER EVER!
ReplyDeleteI read your updates on the top post. I don't get it. Why does she need a nanny? If you only work at nights and the father has a problem with her going out so much, shouldnt the children be with their Dad and not some nanny posting disjointed queries on an anonymous blog?
ReplyDelete