I thought I had chosen a really good nanny for my children. I'd rather not go in to specifics but my nanny made an appearance on this blog. My sister reads the blog on a regular basis and was in a position to verify the claims presented on the blog. That nanny is no longer with us thanks to what my sister was able to observe. It wouldn't have been fair to terminate her based on an anonymous posting on a blog that simply sounded like her. After everything is said and done, I am appreciative but can't imagine that this blog is anyway a tool that can be relied upon.
I have had nannies for four years and have had fair to excellent experiences with each except the last. The nanny's references were verified and we ran a background check. The behavior the nanny exhibited out of our sight was shocking and nothing we would imagined as her demeanor in our presence was consistently demonstrative of someone who was both kind and patient. I am interested to know the experience of other mothers. How might I avoid a bad hire in the future? Is a nanny camera my only option? Quite frankly my feeling is that if you have to use a nanny camera with your nanny, than you should rethink trusting that nanny with your child. I would appreciate input from other mothers, fathers and childcare professionals.
Please do not use my name or location. Thank you.
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My plan on Nanny Cams is that you get one before hiring anyone. You tell the interviewees that you have Nanny Cams and you have always had one. If you put it in before hand and always give it a once over, its not about trusting that person in particular, its about caring for your child.
ReplyDeleteI agree that if you put it in after hiring someone that you obviously don't trust her and shouldn't have her with your kids. If you lie about having one, and have a great nanny who finds out, she may be hurt.
By installing them and being upfront, no bad nanny would want to be in your home. However outside the home it is hard to have constant tabs on the nanny.
Good Luck.
Wow! Sorry for your bad experience. It's lucky your sister could be there to observe the nanny. This blog IS NOT AT ALL a reliable source...but there is a tiny grain of truth in each publishing usually. The rest is catty gossip.
ReplyDeleteI've been a nanny for 15 years, and I've never been fired. I would never feel comfortable working in a house with a nanny cam. I want to know the parents trust me. I treat each child as my own, and it is so much more than a job to me. Not that I've never made a mistake with a child. But I've never made a mistake with a child that couldn't be discussed, worked through, apologized for, etc.
You do not have to have a nanny cam to know your children are being properly cared for. In addition to talking in detail with your children about the nanny, there are many things you can do. For one thing, ask your nanny about what she and your child did and played that day. Listen to her when she tells you about cute words your child said or little things she is teaching your child. Is your nanny the kind of person that points out colors and numbers, etc. as she goes about the day? Does she teach little lessons about being kind and sharing, saying thank you and please? If she is doing this in front of you then it is very likely that she's doing this a lot when she is out and about with your children during the day. This kind of person is one who has a lot of natural patience, kindness, and is well suited to being around kids all day.
During the interview process think about situations that stress you out with your children and ask the nanny how she will handle such situations.
During the interview say something like, "It can be very stressful being with children all day. What kinds of things do you do for stress relief or to take care of yourself?"
Once you have a nanny, if you really want to know how she is with your children when you're not around, ask the people she and the children hang out with! If your children and nanny attend any kinds of music classes, playgroups, etc. all you have to do is ask one of the other moms or nannies in the group if your child seems comfortable with nanny. Moms and nannies are more than happy to "tell on" one another, good or bad. I have reassured many a nervous mother how happy her child is with the nanny, how bonded to nanny the child is, how much fun the child is having, etc. I have also (only once in my 15 yrs.) told a mom that their nanny had been dishonest with them.
One last tip I have: the nannies I have come across who have the most patience and compassion with children are mother's themselves. There are a lot of good nannies who are not mothers, but something about being a mother changes the way you nanny. I know this from experience, too.
dear mom,nanny cams are a no-no! How could you possibly leave your child with someone you do not trust? Shame on you!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above assessment. If you feel you need to have a nanny camera, you should be up front that you have one. I personally feel that it puts the nanny on a defensive position instantly, like they can't ever relax with the child in the home. Besides, if you first found out about the bad nanny from this blog, that meant they were outside the home and witnessed by another. So if you don't really want a camera, don't choose it because your trust has been violated this one time.
ReplyDeleteYou said you have had previously good experiences with nannies. We can all have a bad experience sometimes, there are never enough precautions in the world to protect all the time. I recognize and sympathize that this is a hard pill to swallow when it comes to our precious children.
If it were me, and I read this blog all the time in fear that it someday might be me, I would do something similar to what you did with this bad nanny. Do your interviews, check references, hire for test days. If you complete the hire, and your sister or another trusted friend is in a position to do so, have them surreptiously check out how it is going. I believe that is the only way to truly know. But if you are going to continue with nannies, at some point you will need to trust again.
OP - I don't get it. How can you say that you fired your nanny because this site gave you a heads up, enabling you to do further checks on your nanny, then say that you "can't imagine that this blog is anyway a tool that can be relied upon." ? That is exactly why this site exists! It's someplace to tell someone about bad nanny behavior in the hope that it gets back to the parents. It's the scary, inappropriate behaviors out of the parents' sight that needs to be reported, otherwise your children would still be under her care. Right?
ReplyDeleteI am not the OP but I think what she meant was that she cannot rely on this blog to be a tool in the future to catch any future problems with nannies, she doesn't want to use a nanny camera and she isn't sure what she wants to do.
ReplyDeleteMost people are not going to go out of their way for a stranger. This blog relies on people taking the time to do something about what they see. Sadly, most people don't get involved in abusive situations so I can imagine that the unliklelihood of someone getting entangled in something that doesn't quite register as abuse-
to the nanny above who bashed this blog,
ReplyDeleteso you are here to "moderate" this blog? Is that the reason for your presence? Like a UN representative for nannies? Arent there like 731,928,022 blogs out there? I am just curious why you park here? Before you answer, think of tom and katie.
good advice from the nanny of 15 years. I didn't read it the first time around. You started off kind of snippy. But you obviously have some great ideas!
ReplyDeletei need to know which nanny was yours.
ReplyDeleteI interviewed 11 nannies before I found mine. We love her and our child is nuts about her. I have a few suggestions for finding your next nanny.
ReplyDeleteI think you should focus on the questions you ask your nannies in the interviews. We pieced together our list of questions from the internet and our first interviews lasted at least an hour for each person (unless it was clear that we didn't want them, and then we cut it short). It takes awhile for a person to become comfortable and answer questions in a relaxed, open manner. You want each question to have a follow up depending on the answer - you don't want canned answers to generic questions that everyone asks in the interview. Ask specific things, like: What was your daily feeding schedule for your last child? Or: Tell me about a time that you and your former employer disagreed on something and how you resolved it. You get the picture. You want to ask questions that demand a spontaneous response.
Also rewrite your questions for the references. Make those specific too.
I had an interesting experience when interviewing nannies. I live in San Francisco, where nanny rates are the highest in the country - something like $15-20/hour for one child. I noticed that the nannies who answered my craigslist ad and made a point of stressing that they required $20/hour while saying little else about themselves were NOT the ones I was most impressed with. I interviewed these $20/hour gals, expecting to get high quality career nannies, but none of them really tried to engage my child in the interview. They were dressed nicely though. I guess my point is that top dollar isn't always top nanny.
I would advise using a nanny camera. I was against it initially but my husband thought it was the thing to do. So, what do you think we caught on tape? You'd have to ask my ex husband as a gag order prevents me from discussing this.
ReplyDeleteFor the clueless person who suggested that in each published account of bad behavior by a nanny there lies but a tiny grain of truth. People are taking thier time and energy to give descriptive, detailed information that will assist a parent in perhaps preventing their children or child to remain in the care of a sub-standard (to put it nicely) nanny. That's not to say that an insincere poster or two hasn't offered up sheer BS, but anyone who reads the content here can tell that for the most part a genuine effort to protect a child from possible harm is being made. That should not be taken lightly. Of course, no one can rely on a nanny being sited and subsequently outed on here. To be sure, lots more of these inept nannies are out there, and their antics are being observed by people who are either indiffent or maybe unaware that there is a place where they could report what they see anonymously. But for what its worth, its nice to know it has been helpful to some parents and also it might just keep some nannies on their toes.
ReplyDeleteI really think that the decision of who to leave caring for your children is about the most important one a parent makes. Because of that, my heart goes out to this mom, and others like her who are struggling with moving forward after a bad nanny experience.
ReplyDeleteI'm a nanny myself, and I'm very glad to see that most of the comments to this post are against nanny cams. I do understand their allure, but at their absolute best I believe they'll only provide you a false sense of security that might lead you to ignore your feelings and instincts about a person. The first commenter said that you should tell the nanny about your nanny cam at their interview. That's a very upfront thing to do, and the nanny couldn't take the cameras as a personally. The problem is, if I was the nanny you were interviewing & you told me that you use nanny cams, I would thank you for your time and wish you luck on your search. Trust is an essential part of the nanny/parent relationship.
In regards to the second post, 5:32, I think that if you have to ask other moms and nannys about your child outside the home, you aren't trusting- which you say you shouldn't have a nanny cam, you should trust. Asking someone is still not trusting, and may not be realiable. I think its a good idea, but it shows you don't trust your nanny, by having a camera installed before you hire them, it isn't personal. If you hire them, and a month later start asking people, you may want to change your nanny because you don't trust her!
ReplyDeletePS- Not trying to fight or anything, just sharing my opinion about trust.
I'm all for nanny cams. Telling a nanny that you have one is not very smart though. They'll know to take your child out of view before doing something inappropriate. That's a no brainer!
ReplyDeleteI've never any such device because I've liked my nannies, as have my children.
If you're going to use a nanny cam to find out what's up in your home, certainly don't own up to it.
My emplyers at a very large well-know corporate office install cameras for random checks, and we don't hear about it beforehand.
911 your post is not very clear! WTH are you trying to say..this time in English!
ReplyDeleteTo 8:08PM, I think 9:11AM was referring to me, but my post was 5:48. 5:32 was the 15 year nanny. Ah, the joys of time stamps and anonymity.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, to 9:11AM, you make a great point: camera or secret witness, what is the difference? Either you trust, or you don't. My take on the OP looking for advice was that OP has lost the ability to trust at all, due to finding his/her nanny on this blog. I guess I don't mean for the later secret witness "check up" to be a habit, but for the OP to feel better and regain that sense of trust for another person to watch his/her child.
Uhmmm, what happened to Tom and Kate??
ReplyDeleteUhmmm, what happened to Tom and Kate??
ReplyDeleteIs that a reference to the fact that Katie/Kate is supposedly not allowed to roam free without Tom at her side or a Handler?
ReplyDeleteI have never commented on a blog before. I am more of a lurker. Can I ask this, is anyone else concerned that all nannies seem to be against nanny cameras and against this blog? Doesn't that leave all nannies unaccountable? Unless they happen to nanny for stay at home mothers to whom they report to?
ReplyDeleteShame on any parent that would leave a child with someone they did not feel 100% comfortable with! A nanny must show references,pass courses and qualify for a job just as anyone else. There is a difference if you are hiring just anyone! Many parents have bad nanny experiences but you also get what you pay for. Please beleive me a nanny making great $ and being treated wonderful will most likley not do anything to jeapordize her job. Likewise a nanny with glowing referebces most likely has them for a reason! If you feel you need a nanny cam..then keep interveiwing..you will connect with the right one when she comes along!
ReplyDeleteNanny cams have their place and might catch the few abusive childcare givers out there, but it is ALWAYS after the abuse has taken place. NOTHING can replace the careful and thourough screening by the parents before hiring the nanny.
ReplyDeleteBefore you jump all over me-I am not saying Nanny Cams are entirly a bad idea- but they should not be and CANNOT be a parent's first line of defense.
The most essential thing a parent can do to keep their children safe is to do extensive interviewing, background checking, and reference checking in order to find a nanny they are comfortable with.
Many of these nannies who are talked about on the bad sightings seem to be illegals? If so, how can a parent have done a background check? As I am sure most don't have a Social Security number or even a driver's license?
If a background check is not possible, but the person looks like a capable care-giver- what other things do they have to prove it? Do they have any proper training with proof of a certificate or dipolma? CPR/1st Aid Training? Checkable recent childcare references that you can call.
If you feel you need a nanny cam- don't let anyone change your mind-
but while you are waiting for your nanny cam to be installed- you might want to:
Call during the day at different times and listen closely to how the nanny sounds- does she sound frazzled? Is your child crying the in background?
How does your child re-act to seeing the nanny? Does the child seem afraid? or Happy?
Have a neighbor/relative drop in unexpectedly.
Come home early or leave and then come back home soon after.
Make time to spend time with your child and nanny together- so you can get a better feel for how they inter-act with each other.
Meeting for lunch once a week, if possible, can help to build a bond with all of you.
How does your home look when you arrive home?
How does your child look? is the child REALLY overly clingy?
Does your nanny keep a daily log of your child's day? Does she seem excited to tell you about their day?
Does the child talk about the nanny when she is not there or the fun things they did?
All this should give you clues.
Good luck- and if more parents would do better checking and only hire nannies with some sort of proof of training and background these type of boards would not be neccessary.
I'm a professional nanny and I, too, feel for parents who are going through the search. I know how stressful it can be to find someone you trust. However, I think nanny cams are a bad idea and there are more effective ways to screen a nanny.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I think nanny cams provide a false sense of security. Most nannies -- especially those with toddlers/preschoolers -- are on the move so much that you'd have to wire the whole house and the car in order to get any true sense of their activity. Just because your nanny is attentive and calm in the living room doesn't mean she isn't being rough or snappish in the kitchen or the car. And it certainly doesn't tell you if those "playdates" she takes your child to are really just an excuse for her to gossip with her friends at the park while she ignores your child.
Secondly, trust is an essential part of a parent/nanny relationship. Before beginning a job I am willing to go through extensive screening -- criminal background check, civil court docket check, DMV checks, reference checks, drug testing, etc. I encourage parents to screen me in any way possible and would never work for a family that did not at the very least run a criminal background check on me and check ALL of my references. (Before accepting a position I confer with my references and ask what sort of questions my potential employer asked, how thorough they were, etc.) After I am hired, I provide a daily log of activities including information about who we spent time with (playdates, group activities, etc) with the hope that they will speak to those people to confirm our activities and soothe any nerves they might have. I don't think this is "checking up" or spying on an employee in the same sense of a camera. I know for a fact my past employers often received updates about my care this way from friends without even trying. Often my boss would comment to me, "Oh, I ran into E's mom at the grocery store yesterday and she just went on and on about how wonderful you were with the boys. She said they had so much fun doing the craft you prepared at their last playdate." Those sort of comments tell you far more than any stationary nanny cam will. I also encourage them to come home unannounced at any time or to have family/friends drop by anytime. I have nothing to hide.
Finally, nanny cameras are an invasion of privacy. I could never work for a family that installed a camera because I would constantly feel self-conscious. I love to be silly with my charges -- dancing, singing, making funny faces, etc. And I would feel awkward doing any of that on camera. What if my employers made fun of me behind my back or otherwise used the footage to embarass me? Also, when my employers return home at the end of the day, the house is always immaculate. But there are times during the day that it looks like a tornado struck -- toys and games everywhere. I am sure my neat-freak ex-employers would have freaked out and lectured me about that if she had seen it on a nanny cam. Which means I'd have spent less time playing with the boys and more time cleaning out of fear that she'd be nitpicking everything on the tape.
So if any potential employer mentioned during the interview that they planned to use a nanny cam, I would tell them my objections and decline to finish the interview. And if I ever discovered that a current employer was using a nanny cam without having warned me, I would tender my resignation immediately.
Having a nanny cam is not about trust/no trust, it's about establishing trust. If I hire someone with excellent references and good demeanor, I would be remiss to just assume that she is like that all the time. She could have fooled her old employers who were too busy to notice or she's just a very good actress. With a new nanny, the only way you know for sure is through nanny cams, neighbors' observations, children's recounts. But if your child is too young to let you know what's going on and your neighbor is not at home, of course a nanny cam is needed for the first few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI am a nanny and I would not be discouraged by a nanny cam. I have nothing to hide. I have worked for families where one of the parents worked from home and never felt uncomfortable with them being there.
ReplyDeleteIf you are going to have a nanny cam, check your local laws about disclosing it to your employee. In many places you cannot video tape your nanny without his/her knowledge and if you do it would not hold up in court if something serious happens.
Like others have said, you can setup cameras in your home but that won't catch the problems outside of there. Maybe surprise visits would be more effective - and affordable.
When we decided to start this blog, we made the decision not to censor the content of the comment section. Our desire was to allow for the free discussion of any blog or topic. While it hasn't exactly evolved as we hoped, we do feel that censoring the comments would be contrary to the theme of free expression that blogging celebrates.
ReplyDeleteIf you do not enjoy the comment section of the blog, you may choose not to click on the comment link which brings you to the comment section.
If you have suggestions, we welcome your input. Please send us an email at isawyournanny@cooltoad.com
Thank you,
JD
As to the legality of it all - MOST places do allow nanny cams... You can video tape a person without them knowing, but in some places you can't audio tape them.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot legally install surveillance equipment in your employer's household. You can NOT.
ReplyDeleteThank you,
A New York Attorney
Another nanny point of view. I would have no problem with a nanny cam if I were starting a new job with a preverbal child. I want the parents to see what a great job I do, and be comfortable leaving their baby with me. If however I discovered that I was being secretly filmed by parents with older children, after I had been in the job for some time, that would be insulting, and a breach of trust. The children are happy to see me. They talk about all the things we do. Teachers of the classes we attend rave about me, and other parents try to poach me. If you still feel you need to spy on me, you have a serious trust issue.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteOne more site that does good Online Background Checks is http://www.backgroundrecordsregistry.com
Just a thought,
Chris