UES mother asks about working mother's low standards

Received Sunday, October 1, 2006
This may or may not be the correct place to post this, but as school is back in session, I feel I must give this a shot. I am a stay at home mother with two children. One is in school full time and one is not quite. I make and arrange playdates with children from both of the children's schools as well as places the children take classes and activities where they have connected with children they wish to see on a more frequent basis. I see good nannies everyday in my path about town, they stand out like red sox attire at Yankee stadium. I allow my children to forge their own connections which leads me to follow up on their leads. This requires that I speak with the parent or nanny of a child and attempt to arrange things like playdates, after school pick up. The so called good nannies are in short supply in my area and this leads me to deal with the bad nannies. This means I host a near weekly playdate for my daughter and her friend at our house but cannot allow my daughter to go to her playmate's home on account of the poor hiring choice of her playmate's parents. I will not leave my child at a drop off playdate with a "nanny" that speaks 19 words of English and seems in a desperate frenzy to clean the bathrooms. That isn't a nanny to me. There are nannies that stand at pick up with such angry and bothered expressions that I am almost intimidated to strike up a conversation with them and at the times I have, they have made me feel like I have somehow inconvenienced them. Playdates have been forgotten. I have a playdate on hold with a little girl my daughter is desperate to play with because the nanny has yet to get the "approval" required from her employer. These girl's are three years old. Don't you think twice before entrusting your children to someone you can't entrust with the simple assignment of playdate booking? I have play dates with other mothers. I have been to playdates at the homes where the nanny hosted. As per playdate etiquette, I always stay to make sure my child and assist my child in picking up the mess she was a part of making. The nannies who come to my house have NEVER stayed to pick up anything. When I walk into your home and have stayed (as the children are teetering between the age of drop off capable and not quite capable), I sit there for as long as an hour and a half without even being offered a glass of water. Employers, you do realize that when your nanny comes to my home I offer her coffee, pastries and lunch and sit down with her and engage her in a conversation? There is one WOHM (work out of the home mother) who has a nanny that does everything she should. She is punctual, dependable, polite and extends to me hospitality when I am at your home. And I when she comes to my house. When it comes time to leave the children conclusively for drop offs, she is the only one I will trust my daughter with. And it isn't that my standards are so high, but why are your standards so low???