Wednesday
Florida mother wants to know if she is being neurotic....
My husband and I hired a nanny two weeks ago. We don't have a nanny camera. This is our first nanny. We interviewed extensively. We don't have access to a great pool of "real nannies" because we don't live in a major metropolitan area. My husband really liked the nanny we found. No nonsense, strict, but with fair rules. She was also very articulate and dependable. I was not overwhelmingly fond of anyone we interviewed. Quite honestly returning to work was not something I was ready to do, but a very desirable slot came available and I would have been foolish to pass it up. Yesterday, I ran in to the neighborhood busy body. She is the sort of person who has previously told me that she was "aware" that I was not recycling because she heard bottles rattling when the garbage men took away my garbage. I am therefore inclined to dismiss most of what she says. She told me that she saw our new nanny at the park yesterday after school with our dog. My son is now three years old. The neighbor told me that the nanny was laying in the grassy area and when my son wanted to wander, i.e. towards the playground equipment, she threatened him by saying, "if you can't stay put I am going to take the leash off of {dog} and put it on you". This nanny isn't the sort that I would imagine joking. Additionally, I am unsettled by the news that taking my son to the park seemed to mean little more than laying by a tree with the dog tied to a tree. Am I being neurotic because I am not ready to be back at work or are these warning signs?
How does your son feel about the nanny? My husband and i just hired out first nanny about a month ago. We have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. The baby's face lights up when she sees the nanny, and our 2 year old is excited to see her in the morning. My daughter tells me what they did during the day... "Hayley go park feed ducks" or whatever, and always seems happy about the day. I'd put more emphasis on what your son thinks of the nanny than what your neighbor thinks.
ReplyDeleteYou should absolutely be concerned. The park is a place to play and wander, and that's what 3 year olds do. It sounds like your nanny doesn't want to "work". She is going through the motions...just being around your son but sounds like she is not actually "caring" for him. I live in NYC and see and hear things from nannies that just devestate me. I have seen kids in the park just strapped in the carriage and not let out to run and play because the nanny couldn't be bothered following them. Too much work. Same situation as your son.I heard a nanny warn a child who wanted to be let out of the stroller that if he tried to get out again, she would "kill" him. That child stayed put, very afraid. Be glad that you have a nosy neighbor. Get rid of the nanny and keep looking for another.
ReplyDeleteSurely your neighbor has no reason to lie about such a thing, even if she is nosy? If the nanny really did say that, fire her immediately. I once fired a babysitter because she left my son alone in the children's section of a bookstore while she went to the ladies room. The woman who runs the children's section told me about it, and I believed her, because why would she lie to me? My babysitter vehemently denied the whole thing, but I never would have been able to trust her again.
ReplyDeleteThe above nanny bashing rant has nothing to do specifically with your child.
ReplyDeleteAsk your son what he did in the park today. he is old enough to give you a sense of what she is doing with him. Do you know a mom who goes to the park who could watch for you, and report back? Can you take an hour off from work and drop by when they are at the park to observe from a distance?
you should think about how you really feel about the nanny. does your gut tell you to keep this person or not. a nanny becomes part of your family and you should hire someone you really like.
ReplyDeletewhy don't you just tell her what your neighbor said and ask her if the neighbor's account is true? If she is obviously lying, or if you can't tell if she is telling the truth, you need to look for a new nanny. if your neighbor was stretching the truth or outright lying, you should be able to tell from her response. this may sound a bit "pollyanna-ish", but i believe in honesty and going with your gut!
ReplyDeleteFinally, someone with sense posts on here! The person who posted the second response! You are me. We have seen the same things. Yes please err on the side of caution when your children are concerned!
ReplyDeleteIf it were me, I wouldn't dismiss the report, but I wouldn't be comfortable firing the Nanny without getting information from a trusted source. Do you have a friend or family member (who the nanny wouldn't know) who could keep an eye on their next public outing?
ReplyDeleteTrust your instincts and find someone else. As to whether or not you're ready for work, ask yourself if you're tolerant enough to have your child be cared for by someone else. I've worked full and part time with nanny and day care so I've done the spectrum. In the end I found I really didn't ever think the care provider was doing enough or doing the right thing. If my son developed a bad habit, I blamed it on the nanny. Couldn't settle into a sleep pattern - blamed it on the nanny. Was cranky - blamed it on the nanny. A lot of it depends on your child, as well...
ReplyDeleteI would say that you've received red flag #1. Even jokingily, threatening a child is neither funny nor is it a developmentally appropriate method of establishing boundaries. Ask your nanny about it. Ask your son. Clarify your expectations with your nanny-a good nanny will be teachable.
ReplyDeleteYou should let her go if you don't feel comfortable with her. Otherwise you are not being fair to her or to your kids.
ReplyDeleteDon't keep someone in your home that you don't trust. You do sound kind of neurotic by the way, but it's probably your personality.
You seem like someone who should put their kids in a daycare center. There are tons of people around there so you never have to worry. Unless you have a nanny because you don't want to pay daycare prices....