Saturday, September 16, 2006 9:30 AM
White, brunette nanny with very bothered disposition who took two children about 2 & 4 into starbucks so she could get a coffee at a kind of busy time. Nanny also selected some sort of bread type pastry and waited for a seat. The children had nothing, not even water. The nanny sat and had her coffee and pastry and kept correcting the children who were not content to sit still in a coffee shop on a busy Saturday morning. (Why were they even asked to?). The boy was blonde (and needed a haircut unless he is trying out to play a younger brother on The Suite life) and his name was Daniel. He called the nanny "Em" ( I think). I wanted to tell the nanny to take the kids to the park and plop her butt on a bench so that the kids could at least run around! It is a beautiful day outside. And no, taking a break at Starbucks is not a bad thing, but it seemed rather obnoxious for the children to sit there with nothing!
Is it possible this was a mother and not a nanny? I ask because you said it was on a Saturday. Maybe what sounded like "Em" was really "Mom." Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteGet off your high horse and go to starbucks.
ReplyDeleteHeaven forfend a nanny working on a Saturday (which could be a 6 or 7 day workweek for all you know) be allowed to have a coffee and a pastry! Many of them work long hours.
ReplyDeleteAnd, oh the humanity of having kids sit still for the time it takes for a coffee and a pastry. For all you know, maybe she took them to the park before or after. While there are some valid complaints here, a lot of them, like this one, are just silly. A nanny taking a short break out of what is probably is a very long day isn't obnoxious. Folks who think they can "report" a nanny for failing to cater to their charges' each and every little whim are, however, quite obnoxious.
I think you have tapped into the idiot population of NYC given these last two responses. I am not sure whether they are even spoken in English or not.
ReplyDeleteHere is my take on this. Say you had a nanny working for you on Sat and live in this general area. And you read this. Okay, picture this, you are sitting there thinking "this might be my nanny". Then don't you have the knowledge or atleast the ability to gather the supplementary knowledge? Ie maybe you and your husband were in Italy for a week and the nanny is taking a well deserved respite inside Starbucks, in which case I am sure the nanny's need for a break would be more than excusable. Then what on earth is the harm? Or what if you recognize it is your nanny and realize that your son had mentioned going to Starbucks but the nanny shushed him? Then you would work with that. Or maybe you are a mother who realizes, "damn, they are talking about me". Then maybe, just maybe you realize that the scene while not abusive does look a little odd. And so you make a mental note to bring a coloring book or pack of crackers for the kid. I mean where is the horror?
It's just info. Deal with it.
Refer to post about nanny giving child dr.pepper....god forbid a sugar filled muffin or caffeine! Obnoxious nanny or obnoxious parents?
ReplyDeleteTo the poster commenting on the "idiot population of NYC":
ReplyDeleteGo back and read the post. The poster isn't making a neutral observation for parents to take into account. If you'd like an example of a neutral one, look at the one where someone reports the nanny smokes in the car when the kids aren't there. The poster of that one even says something along the lines of maybe this is ok with you. That's information that doesn't slam anyone.
There's nothing tentative or neutral about the Starbucks post. The poster says the nanny has a "bothered disposition", berates the nanny for not taking the kids outside and describes the nanny's behavior as obnoxious. All this based on the amount of time it takes to get coffee & a pastry. The poster mentions the child's name and what may be the nanny's name.
The parents should have the context to make the kind of judgment call you describe. But what if the family moves away and people are able to piece together the location, her first name and the kid's name when she's looking for a new job? In an ideal world, good references would trump snarky tattling on a blog. But it might not in the real world.
The poster made judgments without having any context of the situation. Physical abuse is pretty easy to tell and should be reported to the authorities promptly as several have done on this site. Emotional abuse is trickier. That's a grey area and I can see people using this site hoping to get the parents' attention.
But I think it's important to draw the line between abuse and what may just be an overworked nanny. Many nannies are overworked and underpaid. There are a whole slew of reasons why the nanny might not have had food for the kids. Maybe the parents didn't want them eating that type of food. Maybe they don't give her money to buy the kids food. Maybe they just ate and she didn't get a chance to eat yet.
Some of the posters here are so used to being in the part of the dynamic which has the power to hire, fire, etc. that they don't realize the damage a site like this could do.
I am part of that dynamic. I work a long day. When I ask my nanny how she is, she always says, "fine". If I knew for certain this was my nanny, I would definitely chalk it up to a bad day. I would not fire her. I have a great nanny. How many parents out there have mediocre or bad nannies but keep them anyway because replacing them would be too much work? Many people that I know. Many. So if this nanny works for one of them and the parent reads the blog, maybe she will wake up and realize that other people see the same thing she does in her nanny. Or maybe someone will recognize the nanny as theirs and have a talk with her. Maybe give her time off. Maybe take time to understand the situation. The very notion that you are suggesting that an anonymous post in a big city like NY is somehow prevent a nanny from getting a job is ludicrous.
ReplyDeleteTo the poster above who quipped about giving the child a sugar filled muffin or Dr. Pepper. I am the parent. I am the boss. I have asked my nanny not to give my child sugar, excepting birthday parties and holidays. Undoubtedly, that makes my nanny's job harder but I explained it to her at the get go along with the starting time each day and her need to travel with us. The nanny needs to do the job I have asked her to do. My best friend believes that food should not be an issue so anything her daughter wants, she allows her to have. Those are based on her beliefs and she has explained those to the nanny. If her nanny decides to tsk tsk or prevent the child from having what she asks, she would be contradicting her bosses orders. We have a right to be neurotic about food or fast and free, we are the parents. It is not unreasonable to expect a nanny to follow your intructions!
ReplyDeleteSo, you'd "talk" to a nanny about having a mini break on a Saturday when you made her work a 6 day week? Dear Lord, I feel sorry for your employees. Oh & if you think the idea of nanny being outed in NYC is ludicrous I suggest you google "Helaine Olen" and the hatchet job the classist idiot wrote on her nanny, accusing her of being a pill popper and sleeping around. All happened in NYC btw. But if you're on the hiring side of the dynamic, vs. the being fired side, guess it's another amusing story to tell your Gladys Kravitz counterparts. Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteDo you think your Gladys Kravits commentary is clever? I am very well aware of Helaine Olen who wrote about her nanny very specifically using her first and last name in the NEW YORK TIMES. We are talking about obscure references here. You sound terrified about something. "Gladys Kravitz", such a lame, lame, lame, lame reference.
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like one of the above respondees must have recently found herself on the firing end of the dynamic. Why so jaded?
ReplyDeleteUmm...I just re-read the Helaine Olen column and in no place does she mention her nanny by either first or last name. Why can't you posters get your information right? Also, considering what the nanny was posting on her own self-serving blog about the private life of her employers, she deserved it. You'd do well to read the column again instead of talking out of your a**.
ReplyDeleteHelaine had SO much media surrounding her that her nanny's name was used time and again. ANd her nanny had to move out of town and close down her blog
ReplyDeleteCould be a case of obsessive paranoid parents who don't allow the kids to eat ANYTHING "between meals" or at unscheduled times in a misguided attempt at teaching "healthy" eating habits. As a parent, I've heard from a nanny who works for people that do that.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who blogs about their employers should expect the possibility of getting fired if their employer happens upon the blog, whether the employer is a big corporation or a mom and dad.
ReplyDeleteThe time to blog about your employers is after you get fired. Just make sure to take all pertinent documents with you. You know so when they try to drag you in to court and sue you for slander, you can bury them deeper and deeper in the stench of dogshit that is their facade of a life.
ReplyDeleteI'm just sayin'.
Re Starbucks Nanny
ReplyDeleteI once worked as a live-in nanny in the UES. Starbucks was located on the groundfloor of the bldg and I would take my charges to either Starbucks or Mc Donalds with me after they ate breakfast each day Mon to Fri. Initially I would purchase something for them to eat and then it became expensive for me. You see I was a live in nanny who had to provide my own meals.I was an over-worked and underpaid nanny. I also used to purchase snacks for the children when we went to the park etc. Every pancake has two sides! I empathise with this nanny. At least she had one kid to care for. I had 3 and yes they all slept in the same room with me. One had cerebral palsy and often cried non-stop. I was overworked, underpaid and sleep-deprived too. And yes I loved the children. Sometimes a nanny has little to work with if you know what I mean. These parents were too busy fighting with each other. Sometimes onlookers see but they don't quite understand.
IF YOU WERE UNDERPAID WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING IN STARBUCKS? MCD'S, NOT THAT I UNDERSTAND....
ReplyDeleteplease stop going from post to post and posting in all caps. It is grotesque. Also if I were going to post in all caps -not that I ever would be so rude- I would make damn certain that what I said made sense.
ReplyDelete