I saw your nanny

Making Friends...

2012-02-13T18:29:00.003-05:00

Not sure if this type of post is allowed...but I figured I'd give it a shout. I am a nanny in NC and would love to meet fellow NC nannies...how many of you are out there and where in NC are you?

2012-02-12T08:44:00.005-05:00

Are we allowed to report posters? I feel as though certain posters have crossed the line with their recent post gone from internet crankiness to making threats. Perhaps a reminder from you of appropriate behavior is needed.
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Certain names in this Submission have been deleted to protect the "snarky"... however, most of you free-thinkers know who you are. To the poster, I must respectfully admit ISYN does not condone censorship.

Unemployment Benefits vs Misunderstood Finances

2012-02-12T08:32:00.004-05:00

I recently started training for a family that I found on Care.com. They needed someone to start right away and I needed a job right away (I'd been unemployed for five weeks at the time) and that's all I really knew about them at first. It turns out that we had a huge misunderstanding about what I was going to be paid. Mom thought one thing, Dad thought another - and Dad is the one who is in charge of finances. It wasn't either one of their faults. They aren't able to budge on what they can pay me because Dad is a contractor and doesn't have reliable or steady work. I can't live off of what they are offering unless I get a second job - and since it wasn't easy for me to find a first job - I doubt that's going to happen.

The obvious solution to this problem is to quit, before I get too involved and before they do too. But the problem is that they just had a nanny that quit after a few weeks and they were pretty upset about it because they really liked her, and Mom had to take time off of work to show her the ropes, and then immediately after had to take off time to show me. I don't want her to have to take off even more time to find a replacement for me, and I don't have another job lined up - but unemployment finally accepted my claim and they would be paying me pretty close to what she is paying me so I wouldn't be completely down and out. It's also painful because I know that she really likes me, and they've made various references to the fact that they'd like to keep me on with them forever.

I was thinking about explaining what happened with the misunderstanding and explaining that it just won't work out for me and that I'm very sorry, but I'd be more than willing to help them find someone else and show them the ropes before I go - which gives me time to find a new job and they won't be out either. I'm sad because the kids are really great and well behaved. They are my most favorite ages - 3 and 5, and they only go to school a few hours a day so I am still able to work full-time. They have lots of activities so I've never felt bored with them and the time passes so quickly because we have a lot of fun. They are extremely well behaved and have good manners. I think any nanny who could afford what they are paying would be lucky to have them - unfortunately I live in an expensive town with an expensive car and a lot of credit card debt, so that person isn't me. What would you do?

On-Call Compensation

2012-02-12T08:28:00.001-05:00

Hi, I'm a first time poster and want to see what both nannies and employers think about this. I'm looking at working for a two doctor family and in addition to normal work hours during the day (6-6 M-F), would be asked to be on-call some nights and weekends because as doctors, they would be on-call. How should I be paid for being on-call? Would there be a flat fee even if I don't get called? Plus time and a half if I do get called in? (it will be on top of the 60 hours I'm already working for the week.) How would you all handle this? Thanks and looking forward to your answers!

Train Trip Derails Nanny

2012-02-11T07:05:00.004-05:00

Hello, I am a young 20s female nanny in manhattan, nannying for a 2 month old and a 20 month old. I need some help with traveling compensation.

When I took the job, I agreed to travel with the family on their various trips. I had never traveled with a nanny family before and didn't know how much work it actually was. My family and I are leaving for a week long trip this week and I am not looking forward to it and feel like I am being taken advantage of. Here is the situation-

We are traveling by train because the parents think its fun and what not, but it is a 30 hour train ride. I will not have my own sleeping room but rather will be sharing a room and bunk bed with the 20 month old. It's not a huge deal, but I am married and privacy would have been nice. Then yesterday when I asked a bit more about the hotel situation (we are staying in a three bedroom penthouse) I found out some shocking news. They are having company stay with us the whole week and I am expected to share a bedroom with the 20 month old the entire trip! Which means that I will basically be working 24/7 with no extra compensation. They don't seem to find it a problem at all. They claim I will still be working my normal 45 hours and that I will have time to myself. They also haven't told me if they will be paying for my food and other expenses. When I expressed concern about sharing a bedroom and not having privacy I was simply told not to worry about it because the hotel is pretty big. And when I expressed concern about the train ride they said that it would be fun. I don't understand why they think this is a vacation for me too!

I will be away from home and my husband for seven days and sharing a room with the child for six nights. So my question is how much extra should I ask for? I feel so frustrated that these things were never communicated to me and that I am just expected to go with the flow. I am so nervous with how exhausting it will be- I feel like I won't have any time to recharge myself and or I won't have any privacy. Help please!

Death and Taxes

2012-02-11T07:04:00.003-05:00

So, January is gone in one of those blink and you’ve missed it spurts of time. I love January. I spend the entire month of January full of New Year energy, eating well, working out more, removing credit cards from my wallet and attempting to hide them from myself as I have once again resolved to be Debit Not Credit for a full year. (Last year I made it until April when I broke down and bought really good concert tickets.) And, my favorite part of January, I get to file my taxes.

I love filing my taxes so much that this year on New Year Eve at the Furthur concert during the countdown spectacle – which was a woman in costume riding a huge, glowing, growling, smoke spewing dragon from the rafters of the venue down to the stage as The Rolling Stones “Start me Up” blasted from the sound system with thousands of people chanting “THREE…TWO…ONE…HAPPY NEW YEAR…” and then the band launched into “Sugar Magnolia” and I kissed my boyfriend heartily – a very small part of my brain was actually thinking, “I wonder how long it will take for my W-2 to arrive in the mail?” A larger part of my brain was also wondering when the bar outside our section would be closing soon and if I should fetch myself another drink to keep my perfect New Year’s buzz buzzing along for the third set. But let the record show, it was only several strokes past midnight on January 1st, and I was excited to file my taxes.

During the tenure of my nanny career, I have had those interviews where the family tries to convince me that paying me under the table would be to my great advantage. They would be able to afford a higher hourly rate, they would point out, if they did not have to be saddled with the huge burden of paying the amount of monies it would cost them to cover payroll taxes. Seriously, they make it sound like a fee imposed by the Mob. I have this theory about those who employ a Nanny. As it has been pointed out on this blog, having an educated professional come to your home to watch your child is the most expensive form of childcare, and as with dining out in a fine restaurant, if you can’t afford to do it right, don’t do it. I would never go out to eat, and then smile at the waitress and say, “Everything was excellent, but I cannot afford to leave you a tip. I’m sure you understand!”

If you are not being paid on the books, you are not paying into your social security or Medicare, there is no hope of ever receiving unemployment should you lose your job and there is no Workers Comp should you get injured on the job. Furthermore, your employers are not contributing to our nation’s economy by engaging in Black Market policies - yes - I did say Black Market, for if you are not reporting your income or paying taxes on your employee you are breaking the law and committing a crime. Wanna sleep well at night? Pay your taxes.

Now, about those pesky employers who suggest that you simply claim your own taxes by filing a 1099, I will retort with the argument that a Nanny is not an Independent Contractor, a Nanny is an employee. Independent Contractors use the 1099 tax forms. Employees do not. Independent Contractors generally set their own hours and decide their workload and tasks for the day. Does that sound like the general life of a Nanny? My employers sets my schedule and responsibilities, therefore, I am an employee. I spoke at length about this topic with a good friend of mine who is also an excellent accountant. He described one grey area to this argument. If I myself were to open a Nanny Agencies that ONLY placed Nannies on short-term assignments - say just for one day or one evening– at tax time those Nannies could file an entire slew of 1099 forms for all the jobs they did, as I had placed them as Independent Contractors. Additionally he explained, Employees who wished to file a tax return independent of that vexatious employer who is refusing to withhold taxes, they should turn to the schedule C section on the 1040 Unincorporated Business tax form, not the 1099. The Wikipedia website gives this quote regarding the 1099 tax form on their website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IRS_tax_forms:

“Form 1099 series is used to report various types of income other than wages, salaries, and tips (for which Form W-2 is used instead). Examples of reportable transactions are amounts paid to a non-corporate independent contractor for services (in IRS terminology, such payments are nonemployee compensation)”

Over the years as I evolved from the 1040ez form procured from the Post Office to doing my taxes online with Turbo Tax, I have learned several pointers about filing my taxes as a career nanny that result in a larger refund, and I would like to share them with you on this blog to assist my fellow Nannies during tax time.

Keep a car/gas log.
What is one of the oldest complaints here on this blog? That the nanny does not get reimbursed for gas, repairs and wear and tear on their personal vehicle that they use for their job. If you were to begin a car and gas log right now and keep it for the entire year, next January you will have a record of exactly what you spent on gas for your job, and how many miles you drove for your job. With my position, I am incessantly on the go in my car. As the Nanny/ House Manager / PA for my family I am driving constantly, from picking up dry-cleaning to dropping off children picking up groceries to shuttling pets to picking up the children again. The Turbo Tax program walks you through your deductions, and the better records you keep, the better your tax return can be for you and your bank account. Look over your log and figure out the percentage that you are using your car for work. Save each and every receipt, for there are sections to report not only gas and mileage, but also oil changes, registration fees, and other general repairs. Keeping a log for your vehicle that you use for work will keep all your data accurate. Turbo Tax gives you the option as well to ask for a standard deduction for your vehicle, and my accountant friend suggests that this, as well as trying to get your employer to refund you for gas is a wonderful way to go. However, for the employee who does not get reimbursed, it is very good to know how to handle it for yourself. And, as we all know from reading the rants on this blog, a lot of nannies never get reimbursed.

Receipts, receipts and more receipts!
What have you purchased in the last year to use for your job? Has your employer sprung a dress code on you? Did you procure a cell phone for your job? A computer? Finger paints? Lesson plans? Keep those receipts Nannies. A proper tax program will assist you in itemizing your deductions, but you’ll need to make certain that you’ve done your part in filing away your receipts in an organized fashion.

So, my fellow Nannies, I wish you all a wonderful and prosperous 2012, where everyone is paid on the books, properly reimbursed, maintain their receipts in an OCD fashion and has a proper W-2 in their fist next year. Let us all make a resolution to be treated like the professional that we are.
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Rebecca Nelson Lubin is a Nanny and writer who resides in the San Francisco Bay Area. To see more of her Articles visit www.abandofwives.ning.com.

Comments Raise Concern Over Nanny Cam

2012-02-11T07:04:00.001-05:00

I've been working for two families that I love, keeping their two infants. One family brings their baby over to the other family's house each day. So for a while now I've suspected that they have a nanny cam because of certain comments they've made and I think it could be apart of their security system because there are motion sensors in every room. The one in the room we stay the most in is far out of my reach and doesn't seem to work as a real motion sensor. So I just don't know what to do about this, I take great care with these babies and the parents talk about how valuable I am, but I am not ok with being filmed. It's just creepy to me even though I'm in their house with their babies. I would feel very violated if I found out they did have a camera and would want to leave because I've had several other job offers, but I love these babies. Please any ideas would be appreciated.

MB Scrutinizes the Scraps

2012-02-11T07:01:00.000-05:00

I recently started a new job and so far it is going great. The little girl just turned one and is easygoing and adorable. The MB (single mom) is really nice. We easily agreed on pay, hours, job duties, etc, and so far we have both stuck to it. There is only one thing, not a big deal at all, but it is making me a little bit uncomfortable. This MB, like many others, told me to go ahead and eat anything I wanted. She also said she would buy food for me if I tell her what I liked. I told her I wasn't picky, I would be happy with whatever is here, which is true. I also said to let me know if something was off limits. She said all food was fair game, I should feel free to eat anything in the house. I don't have a very big appetite, so I don't eat much when I'm at work. First she started asking me if I was getting enough to eat, I said yes. If I made a can of soup or pasta or whatever, I put the leftovers in tupperware and in the fridge. I clean up after my meals completely of course.

The weird thing is that she started commenting on what I have eaten. She looked in the fridge and said things like, "Did you leave your food here?" or "Where did this come from?" It seemed as though I had done something wrong in her eyes, so I apologized (without knowing what for) and she said "Oh, no, it's no problem at all. Eat whatever you want." She then continued to question everything I ate. I thought maybe she didn't like the leftovers sitting there, so I asked if she would rather I throw the leftovers away. Again she said it was fine to leave it in tupperware. I can't understand what the problem is, she keeps saying it's all fine, but if it were fine, why does she keep commenting on it every day? I feel like she is trying to drop a hint that I'm not getting. I prefer honest communication to hints, but I haven't worked for her for long, and everything else is going so well that I don't want to rock the boat by forcing a frank conversation when really it isn't a big issue at all. I just don't want to feel like every bite I take is under scrutiny, and if I am doing something that she doesn't like, I wish I could figure it out.

The Haughty Nanny

2012-02-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

I just started a job for a wonderful family. The kids are an infant, a 12 and 11 year old. The pay is great and the family is super layed back, encouraging outings and even personal shopping trips so I can get out of the house. The neighborhood has 2 other nannies. I have went on two outings with them and it drove me nuts! I've always had annoyances with other nannies but I always give it a shot. Something about them just always gets to me. Idk what it is but i have never been able to stand it. Does anyone else steer clear of other nannies or am I just stuck up?

Structuring a Fair Arrangement

2012-02-11T06:45:00.000-05:00

Hello, I found your site and wanted to ask for some guidance. My question is how should I structure a financial arrangement for a housekeeper/nanny?

I have a lady that has been working for me for about 6 months. She is from Mexico and understands English very well but does not speak it as well. She has two school age children. She is very recently separated from her abusive husband and is going to be moving into our apartment in the back with her two children. We have been paying her $10/hour to babysit/clean. She works from 9-3 now because she has to pick up and drop off her kids at school. Right now she is working 3 days a week. I want to put her on full time, 5 days a week. That will change next year when they switch schools. We do not use her yet on the weekends but would like to have her start sitting one weekend night so we can go out. We have two children at home now, 3 and 1, and my wife is also at home. L is not a nanny but more a caretaker/babysitter.

How do I work out rent and pay so that it is fair for both of us. We will be paying utilities so there are no bills that she has to pay for housing.

Making a Pitch for More Pay

2012-02-11T06:35:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh, money. The most uncomfortable part of working as a nanny! I've been a nanny for 7+ years, taught preschool and have a background in education. I've worked for my current family for about 2 years and they are nothing but wonderful. I truly love them and enjoy being at work. I get paid alright and it's all on the books through a payroll company which is amazing. Here's my "issue"--aside from caring for the families 4 awesome children I do the kids laundry, ensure that the house is looking neat (I don't do any deep cleaning, ever) just pick up when things are out of place, dishes, load/unload dishwasher, pick up toys, organize pantry/closets/fridge when there is time and I grocery shop and cook dinner for the family about 3 nights a week. I also ensure that there is fresh food for all to eat throughout the week, cut up food, poached, steamed, etc. so it's a grab and go kind of fridge. I don't mind doing any of it as long as there is time during the day which there typically is. Monster #1 is at school full time, monster #2 is at school part time and a very helpful, independent child and monster's 3 and 4 are mine full time. #'s 3 and 4 are now walking and not taking their typical 2 LONG naps a day. We're more on a 45 min short nap and a 2.5-4 hour long nap (on a good day) in the afternoon.

Ok so my question--how do I ask for a raise? I feel like I do a LOT and while I truly don't mind most of the time I don't usually find time to sit down most days unless monsters 3 and 4 are crawling all over me. Although I feel like I am paid alright I know that from the work I do it's kind of low. I'd be open to something other than a dollar amount raise (like health insurance paid for, paid sick days/time off) but I just don't know how to approach the subject without sounding greedy/rude/needy/etc. ANY advice from parents or nannies out there is greatly appreciated.

{I know that the family can afford to do this so it's not a question of funding being there it's just a question of parents being pulled in 7 million directions between 4 kids and 2 jobs and not thinking of these things} Thank you in advance for any kind words!

Navigating the Nanny Career Path

2012-02-11T06:31:00.004-05:00

I have a question for all you nannies, and I'm sure it's one that's been brought up indirectly here before. I am a nanny in my mid/late twenties. I have a college degree (BA), live in Boston, own a car, and have been a full-time nanny since college (including part-time while in college). Now, the reason I continued to nanny after college is because I honestly wasn't really sure what I wanted to do once out of college, as a career. I am at the point where I have now been a full-time nanny for 5 years. I do like being a nanny- it's a fun gig if you are with a good family, the pay is very good (in my area, and again, with the right family), the jobs are usually flexible, and it's a pretty active job. I didn't want to be a nanny as a career though. And i still can't see myself being a nanny past the age of 30 (not that that's a bad thing, I just never saw myself being a career nanny).

I don't want to go back school for a couple different reasons, but I also know if I try to enter in a new job field, I'll have to start at an entry level position, making a VERY low wage. I am making $18/hour as a nanny, so doing that is very unappealing to me. I am not currently on the books, but am finding a new job soon, and plan to find one that is on the books with benefits. What have other nannies done when they are in my situation? Being on the fence about staying in the nanny field. What about when we have a baby/kids of our own? What about when we get older? Or, what have other nannies done when they decided they were done nannying (and didn't want to go the school route). Any suggestions, opinions, advice, and stories would be great. Thanks!

Pros & Cons

2012-02-11T06:28:00.002-05:00

Nannies & Parents: what do you look for in a nanny placement agency, babysitter website, or job ad? Likes and dislikes?

The Beverly Hills Nanny

2012-02-11T06:25:00.000-05:00

I have a question... I was a live in nanny for the last 7 years in Beverly hills. I had 3 children under the age of 8 and was making 60k a year. What should I charge for one child 15months with the hours of 730am-630pm m-f... And does it make sense to obtain an LLC for tax purposes?? Thank you.

Stepping Stone Museum - Harford County, Havre de Grace, Maryland

2012-02-10T11:15:00.005-05:00

Stepping Stone Museum, Tuesday, 2/7, 3-5 pm - A large black woman with her hair (greyish dreds) pulled back into a pony tail, possibly wearing glasses, watching a boy about 18 months old with brown wavy hair was totally ignoring the little one in the slippery wet area as he struggled. She later yanked him by the arm and yelled at him "you gotta walk" - this was at least an hour later. She then yanked him up by one arm and lifted him up to her shoulder all in one motion and headed out. The kid looked like his shoulder went out of the socket! I observed her through the time I was there as she ignored him and yawned. No nuturing for this young child - so don't think oh how great she takes him to the museum.

I.R.S. = I'm Really Screwed!

2012-02-07T13:04:00.002-05:00

I posted a while back about the nanny job that started out ok, but soon turned into an illegal-wage, overworked, bad situation. I was paid under the table by this woman ($550 every 2 weeks), I know it was stupid to not be on the books, it was my first time ever not going by the books and now I am regretting it. She sent me a text message tonight asking for my social security number for taxes. Taxes were NEVER discussed, she did not take taxes out of my checks. Do I need to give her this information? My husband and I have already done our taxes for 2011 because I knew I was not getting a W-2 from her, obviously. Will I get screwed if she puts me down as a "household employee" on her taxes? Will I end up owing taxes? If I don't give her my info could she take me to court? I am so pissed off. Thanks in advance for any advice, I'm not sure what do here.

The Nanny Plague

2012-02-07T12:48:00.001-05:00

Now before any Moms that are reading this get insulted-I am in NO WAY generalizing all Moms out there and saying they are all the same. I am just going to point out something I have experienced with Moms I have had encounters with in my area personally. Why is it that some Moms don't seem to want to associate with a nanny? My previous job was complete opposite--all of my MB's friends loved me and would gladly plan playdates/outings with me and my charges. But with this job--maybe it's the area I'm in--I feel like I have the nanny plague!! I take my charge to music classes, swim classes, to the park, etc., and have had many conversations with many mothers. More often than none, they stop being interesting in talking to me after they find out I am the nanny--then, after that encounter, they never interact with me again.

What is so bad about us nannies that Moms just don't want to be around us? I don't understand. Has anyone else experienced this? Again-I am NOT generalizing and saying all mothers are like this..I know they are not. Just wondering if anyone else has had the same issue. It's insulting to me. I'm extremely friendly and outgoing and always trying to meet new people because I know NO ONE here so it kind of hurts me when Moms act like they don't want someones nanny thrown at them.

You Lucky Duck!

2012-02-07T12:45:00.002-05:00

I work 7 hours a day, Monday through Friday. I just returned from 5 days of traveling with my nanny family. Here is my question...I can be compensated any way I like. Before we left I mentioned to them that I would just like to trade for a paid week off to attend a family vacation out-of-state this summer (in addition to my regular vacation week). But at that time, I thought my traveling work hours would be the same as at home. We all thought that. As it happened the parents needed a lot more from me.

The breakdown:
Normal work week: 5x7=35

The traveling week:
Mon. (at home) - 7 hours
Tues. (driving with child and family) - 8 hours
Wed. 7am - 10pm - 15 hours
Thurs. 8am - 7pm - 11 hours
Fri. 7am - 5:30 pm - 10.5 hours
Sat. (childcare) 7am - noon; then driving home until 6pm

61 hours Plus, 4 overnights away from home but not being responsible for children while I slept.

My nanny family was very accommodating, giving me carte blanche with a debit card to decide on outings, eat meals out, whatever I wanted with the children. They brought me a beautiful gift from the conference one night, and they always asked me to choose the restaurants when we shared meals together. Before we left, they even sent me their top 3 rental choices at the beach and let me pick the house I'd be most comfortable in. It was an enjoyable week as far as work goes, but it was exhausting to be "on" for so many hours by myself. It becomes hard because there is a double bind. I want, as a dependable employee, for the parents to be able to relax within their work and not to worry about the children. I think that is a huge part of my professionalism as a nanny. I stay upbeat, tell them about fun hi-lights in the day and let them know that the children were really great (because they were)..But it seems to slip easily into the mindset of "Look how much fun this is, a nice vacation for the nanny too." And while it is fun, it is exhausting and not what I would be doing if I wasn't working.

That being the outline of the story, bottom line, they have asked me how I want to be compensated for the trip now, considering the hours were more than expected. I would love some ideas on how you would handle the situation. Of course, I want to be fair to all of us. Moms? Dads? Nannies? Ideas? Thank you!
- Lucky Duck on a Beach

Wash, Rinse, Repeat...

2012-02-07T12:15:00.000-05:00

I'm interested in knowing what other nannies have covered in their contracts. Who writes the contract? Is there a good website to download one from?

Park in Downtown Southern Pines, NC

2012-02-05T11:09:00.001-05:00

Park in downtown Southern Pines, NC--young nanny, maybe early 20's...blonde. Kids were calling her Katie. She was driving a white mini van. Kids were playing on the playground and kept asking her to catch them down the slide and she would say no...while she stood by the van smoking a cigarette. I heard her call one of the little boys Riley. She eventually went over to the slide to help one of the boys--with her cigarette in hand. Hope this post gets seen by the right people!

2012-02-05T11:05:00.001-05:00

I was just looking for a site to report a very bad Nanny. Patricia K. in Andover Massachusetts. She would take care of my 3 year old daughter on weekends. She was abusive and mean to her. I don't believe this person is licensed at all. Don't leave your children in her care.

Nanny Bothered by Brothers' Inappropriate Behavior

2012-02-05T09:56:00.007-05:00

Hi there, I really need some advice. I recently started working with a family of two boys. At first, I really enjoyed my job, and the money is decent, but lately things have been getting not only hard, but very weird as well. I am chronically ill and my health is deteriorating. My employers know of this, and although they seem to care, they don't seem to understand the seriousness. I'll be having surgery to repair some back problems and also a knee surgery in the next 5 months. I have been trying to imply that I am too sick to work any longer, but my comments fall on deaf ears. MB is one of those "fake nice" people who will say something that seems harmless but definitely has some rudeness behind it. She has judged my parents (having never met them) and my upbringing, questioned my diagnosis's, and practically ignored my concerns about the children.

Since I started working there, I've noticed that the boys (4 and 9) are extremely close. No arguing, fighting or rough housing. Instead they cuddle, sit on each others laps, dance together, and kiss. I was a little suspicious at first, but the parents assured me "that's just how brothers are." I have nannied for several families before this, and have several cousins and a brother, and I have never seen kids act like this. Yesterday, I was talking to the 4 year old, and he told me some very disturbing things that his brother makes him do, if you know what I mean. I got physically ill and could not look the older child in the eyes. I have never had to deal with anything like this before. I was absolutely shocked. I struggled for hours about what to do next. I decided to tell DB about what the child told me. He didn't seem concerned whatsoever, and he made it seem like he didn't believe me. I was very upset.

Today I found myself watching them very closely and keeping the young one around me at all times. I just feel horrible. The older one told him it was "exercise" and that it was a secret. I asked my mom for advice, as she has been around children her whole life. She told me to get the money they owe me and quit immediately. I do want to quit for a few different reasons, but I can't seem to find the words (or guts) to do it. I'm so conflicted because it's not necessarily the parent's fault, and I know that younger kids do experiment as they don't really know what they're doing. But the oldest is 9. He should know better. DB made alot of excuses for what might be going on... "boys will be boys" "it's probably a silly game they made up" "completely harmless." I honestly don't feel that way, and I know in my gut what's been going on. It's very obvious and like I said, I had some initial concern.

What would you do in this situation? It's a very strange environment, and I'm extremely uncomfortable working there now. I am in my 20's so I don't have too much insight on this situation. Any help would be appreciated.

The Sibling/Surrogate/Sitter... and her Undisciplined, Devilishly-Cute Niece

2012-02-05T09:55:00.004-05:00

For starters, this is my first post to ISYN - and I'm not what you could really qualify as a professional caregiver. In fact, I'm not really a nanny at all - except when I'm called on in the case of my sister's only child, a daughter, S. But even this sort of on-call whenever-you-need-me type of babysitting has given rise to some trouble and some questions, and I really don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. So, I thought it might not be such a bad idea to ask the professionals and see.

A little detail: I'm a twenty-two year old full-time college student, currently in the process of finishing my BA (after sort of back-tracking to get my AA first) and unemployed. At the time this all started, I wasn't doing much during the day, because I was between semesters, and didn't have much activity - other than to stay home, sleep, write a little and generally laze about. I have an uncomfortable relationship with my stepmother and my family is what you might call extended, with my oldest sibling being closer to forty and my youngest only eleven; Daddy has been married twice and had a few extra-matrimonial kids too so while most of us siblings haven't lived together very long or at all, we're still family. That being said, if I've ever been close to any of my elder siblings, it's always been my sister, who's ten years older than myself, making her thirty-two. That might seem like a lot of unnecessary background information, but I want to make sure I explain this right.

My sister, who I'll call N, was a bit of a party girl; drinking with friends all night, going out every night of the week and weekend, working with a hangover and generally living for herself. She got pregnant a few years ago and though the relationship with her baby-daddy didn't work out, she did decide to have the child and I now have a beautiful, albeit moderately troublesome and undisciplined niece. My sister lives in an upper-average sized 1-1 apartment in a semi-nice neighborhood, just her and her daughter. She works one job full time and another part time, for a few hours, on Sunday afternoons. My niece is three now and a real handful; she's also unbearably cute, sweet-looking and manipulative. She's quick to throw a tantrum, but even quicker with the tears; my sister is only vaguely stern with her and only very rarely - for the most part, she just let's her daughter run wild and threatens her with 'pow-pow' when she's getting unruly. My niece is usually good after that, for all of a minute or so, and then it's chaos again.

So, my problems start here. Originally, my sister would call me every now and then (when my niece was still only two years old) and ask me if I wanted to get away from my stepmother for a day or two, maybe come over and have some wine with her and watch a chick flick. I jumped at those opportunities - who wouldn't? And we would do just that - spend that whole night hanging out; that was great. But, as things would go, it always seemed like the next day, my sister would tell me she'd love to have me stay another night - and then would casually tell me that she's thinking of going out with so-and-so for a few hours and would it be okay if I could do her the super-easy favor of watching my niece for a few hours while she went out for drinks. She would offer to get S to bed herself before she left and told me basically all I had to do was make sure she was safe while she slept. It seemed like an easy enough task to do for my sister helping me out of my house for a few days, so I agreed. Again. And again. And again.

It started to be a sort of routine thing. Pretty soon, N stopped calling me to ask if I 'wanted to get away'; now it became 'hey, will you come watch S for me?' And even still, I'd try and do my part and agree - but more and more, she pushed it. She'd call me with barely any notice at all - "Hey, I'm around the corner. Do you mind watching S for me tonight? And tomorrow afternoon?" I said yes, most times, because I felt pressured and trapped - and this is my big sister, who tries to help me out whenever possible. I thought I was being pretty accommodating, though I never complained. Even when I had plans already, my sister would wheedle and beg and I would agree, because I was trying to be helpful and all that. She even had me cooking meals for my niece, cleaning up after S, washing dishes and giving her a bath, putting her down for naps, straightening up, etc. The most I ever did was ask her for dinner-money (which sort of dissolved since we usually ordered pizza anyway) and maybe like, twenty-bucks, flat - as a total for both days. I didn't think it was too much of a big deal, asking for a few bucks, when she knows I'm unemployed and could use a little money. The girl who used to babysit my niece for her, another friend of hers, lived in her apartment with her and slept on her couch - and still charged her two-hundred a week, while my sister was also paying baby-daddy's mother to watch her during the day, instead of enrolling her in daycare. Compared to all that, my twenty-dollars seemed paltry, I thought.

But my sister thought otherwise. The whole comment started an argument about how ungrateful I was to her and how she'd done so much for me throughout my life and how low and shitty it was of me to request any kind of payment for babysitting my own niece. I tried to tell her it wasn't about babysitting my niece or not - my own mother used to give me twenty dollars to watch my little sister on date-night. I tried explaining that to her but she blew me off and told me something like, "Pssht, fine, I'll give you twenty bucks. But you're staying both nights then." And even though I felt she was being really unfair and kinda snotty, I agreed and stayed the two nights. And both nights my sister went out at ten (after barely putting S to bed) and came home at dawn; my niece got up (and gets up, regularly) at eight in the morning and proceeded to bug me into waking up, when I'd only gotten to sleep when my sister came home. She got to sleep in and I got to pull the equivalent of a double.

S is an absolute nightmare most days, which is sad because she's such a sweet-looking little cutie. She's a mommy-clinger so if my sister goes anywhere, S has to go too. She's also very independent and anal retentive, even for a three year old. No one can turn on the faucet for her, she has to do it herself. No one can open the door for her, or hand the key-card to the gate guard, or turn the door knob or hand over the pen, etc. She has to be involved in every movement that's done within her sight. She's also a finicky eater, and even though my sister still has her sitting in a high-chair, she flings her food to the floor and laughs about it, and giggles and shoves her plate off again if I try to pick it up. She has a bad habit of writing on my sister's bedroom walls with my sister's wealth of make-up - in eyeliner and lipstick - and will often do something bad and then come out with a sweet smile to tell you she did so... and then run for cover and giggle the whole time you try to discipline her. She has a whole wall of the living room lined with toys and when she feels like it, she'll throw them at the walls, the windows, me and anywhere else she wants to; I tell her to pick them up, she says no and runs off so I can't catch her, then cries and screams if I do. If I pick up the toys myself, she kicks them over again and runs away. I think she's secretly a little ADHD, but my sister won't get her tested or anything like that and says I just need to "play" with her more. And trust me, I try. But S's favorite activity is watching and re-watching the same three or four Disney dvds and never leaving; I'm not allowed to take her anywhere either. So all I can do is try to read to her (which she refuses to sit still for) or watch her movies with her (over and over again, and even still she gets listless and causes chaos).

She really has no concept of being truly apologetic, because my sister is so lax with her - she tells S, "No, don't do that" but she smiles a moment later and my niece writes it off entirely. The only time I've ever seen her actually take heed is when my sister gives her a light smack on the tush, or a three-count spanking. Then she pays attention and goes to sulk in a corner and cry - which only lasts so long because my sister inevitably goes over to cuddle her and hug her. Which I understand. As a soft-hearted person, I hate seeing her cry too - but my sister's attitude toward discipline makes it really hard to deal, because she won't let me give S a little swat on the tush or discipline her in any forceful way at all. Which I know sounds terrible, but she's a really difficult child and not even being allowed to verbally discipline her actions makes dealing with her impossible. I never really believed in corporal punishment with children, but when I was a kid, Daddy only ever spanked me twice - and I'll be damned if I didn't remember to behave. He only ever did it twice, but I learned my lessons. Partly, I think S's problems are because she doesn't have a steady influx of fatherly stern-ness. Her father only gets to see her every now and then and so when he does, he dotes on her endlessly and spoils her. And my sister is no better; S is her buddy, not her child.

All of this, mind you, is her normal "good day" behavior. Bad days - don't even get me started (this email is long enough already). Now that I started school again, I have far less time and availability then before - which is just fine with me because it gives me a much needed excuse to keep from having to babysit. It's gotten to the point that, whenever my sister calls to ask if I'll babysit while she goes out to party, I tell her I'm busy or just ignore her call flat out. (And a lot of the time, I am legitimately busy, with school or friends or my own life.) I've started to feel abused by her, and her expectations. She never wants to hear "no" from me, and makes a great big deal out of it every time. Her comments range from "come on, please, just this once" to, "what, do you want me to pay you something more for it" to "that's your niece and you're so ungrateful, what kind of sister are you". I've gotten tired of it. So most days, I just avoid answering her calls and focus on school and my own life.

What really motivated me to post to ISYN is this: I was at a friends house, watching a movie, planning on spending the night - taking a night off from school for the first time in weeks. My friend tagged me on Facebook and almost immediately I got a shitty message from my sister - "It's amazing how you never have time for me when I need you, but you have time to go hang out with your friends. SMH. You're fucking amazing. Some sister." And I'm not going to lie, I was absolutely hurt and shocked, pissed and confused. I didn't understand why me going over to visit a friend should provoke such a nasty reaction from my sister, especially when she hadn't called to ask me anything in over a month. I told her politely that I don't recall her asking me to come over to babysit and she told me to go to hell, that I was ungrateful and a shitty sister and a bunch of other things. I won't transcribe the whole nonsense for you guys, but it was ugly and she's still not speaking to me.

So I guess, to wrap up this TL;DR post (for which I sincerely apologize) I guess I'm just wondering... am I unreasonable in my feelings that I'm being unfairly treated and maybe just a little abused? Is it too much to ask, to be paid such a paltry, courtesy amount like twenty dollars for my total time babysitting, even if the kid in question is my sibling's child? Isn't it a bit crippling, not to be able to verbally discipline a child, but be expected to look after her and keep her in line? Is my sister a bit assuming and harsh or is it just me being ungrateful and lazy, like she says? Where do you draw the line between helpful sibling, surrogate mother, or disciplinarily-crippled nanny? I'd really appreciate anyone's insight or input, even if this is kind of off-topic. Is she being unfair or am I expecting too much?

Lack of Communication from Parents Leave Nanny Feeling Anxious

2012-02-05T09:50:00.003-05:00

Hi all. This is my first time posting to this forum. I have read it quite a bit in the past. I am finally writing because I could desperately use some advice/support. I am a first time nanny to a wonderful baby. Now though this is my first nanny job it is not my first nanny experience. I have had a hand in caring for many babies and so have a bit of experience. My struggle isn't actually with my duties as a nanny. The mom is a first time mom, which alone makes things a little trickier.

For the most part we get a long fine, however I am having a really hard time because communication is not an easy thing between us. This week has been tough. I just moved last weekend and am starting to adjust. This week was also tough for the baby. He has been quite fussy. It can be frustrating, but I believe everyone would feel frustrated with a baby so young when they are having a particularly cranky day. Despite those minor frustrations I am quite able to handle my job of caring for him however this does not mean it isn't difficult sometimes.

The thing is, what is really making it hard for me is that the the parents have a way of making me feel as though I am doing something wrong. I am good at what I do. I am attentive, and nurturing but it is impossible to keep a baby from ever fussing and everything at this age is trial and error. Lately I have been carrying more anxiety to work with me because of this feeling. I know it is partly that I am a very sensitive person, but it is getting very difficult for me. I don't want to leave because the sad truth is that if I did decide to it wouldn't be because of the baby but because of the communication difficulties. I am truly at a loss here.

Child Care is Back-Breaking Work

2012-02-05T09:45:00.000-05:00

I was wondering if any of you fellow nannies out there are dealing with what I'm dealing with. Back Problems. I have always had a bad back, and caring for a high stress infant is probably not the best job for me... but I love it. The baby is seriously unhappy unless she is being held constantly, in motion, walked around or out for a stroll (and even then she gets annoyed and wants to be held) Her parents and I don't let her "cry it out" because they feel she is too young and I definitely agree. I love to carry her but sometimes I am afraid my back will just give out, as it has before. I can't lose work because of this and I also can't stand to hear her scream all day. Do any of you use a special sling for baby or a specific back support/brace/thing? I'm desperate! Every time I come home from work I think I may break in two. I have tried to be very careful in my movements and bending from my knees but it is still so difficult. She is not a small baby. She is quite heavy and tall for her age so it is always a bit awkward having to make sure her head is supported and lifting properly. Any advice is so greatly appreciated! Thanks.

Compromising a Car Contract

2012-02-05T09:40:00.002-05:00

This question is for both Nannies and Moms about the use of the nannies car. I have been a nanny for a while, and that includes jobs where I have used a family car, jobs where I haven't driven at all (public transportation or walking everywhere), jobs where I used my car but only rarely, and jobs where I used my car a LOT. I am wondering what the standard is for gas reimbursement, wear and tear, car insurance, and lastly - the messiness that kids leave in the car (even with us trying to be on top of them about food, mud, etc). I am starting to get frustrated with using my car. I know, I know, I shouldn't have accepted the job knowing that I was going to use my car so much. I am not looking for advice as to what I should do, because this job is only temporary so it's not worth it to me to go through the motions.

But, rather, I am wondering what other nannies and parents think about this. Do some nannies have a seperate "car" section in their contract? I think it's great when families offer a family car to use for the nanny at work, but obviously not all families can do this. Some families offer gas money, and that's great too. If that's the case, do you write down every single mile you drive and go from there? Or, do the parents just throw you $20 at the end of the week? Also, do you change your insurance around? I am wondering for the future, as I feel like I would want to instate a "car" section in my contract, stating guidelines for gas, insurance, wear and tear.. and do I dare add in a interior cleaning of some sort? Any advice/stories/suggestions would be awesome.

Calling All Nashville Area Nannies

2012-02-05T09:37:00.002-05:00

I have a question for the Nashville area nannies (if you are out there....). I recently relocated from the East Coast (NY/NJ area) and am having trouble with what to say when potential employers ask for a salary requirement. I applied with a nanny agency, in a very affluent area, that informed me that the "going rate" is $11-13/hr. I'm having trouble swallowing this because, while I realize that the cost of living is less here, it's not THAT MUCH LESS that I could survive on this rate. I was making $18-20 to watch 2 children at one previous employer. And the position that I left to come here was paying me $2000/wk (I was the household manager).

I specifically have trouble when positions come up like the following: 3 kids who need care from 6:30-8am, and then again from 2:45-5/6pm but there are times that it could be 8pm. I can't have another job during the "off time" because I would need to be "on-call" in case a child is home sick or gets sick and needs to come home. I am college educated, trilingual, a Ringling Bros. Clown College graduate (no, I'm not kidding) who swims/drives/travels/ and basically does it all. I would love to hear from other nannies.... What would you ask for as a salary when you are possibly only working 20 hours a week, but need to be available from 6:30am-8pm, 4 days a week? What are you asking for hourly in this area?? Thank you in advance.

How do I Determine a Dollar Amount?

2012-02-05T09:30:00.001-05:00

How do you set your rates? I’ve seen discussion here about how a nanny should receive additional pay for each additional child and duties. What percentage or dollar amount should you add on for each? I have a base rate in mine that will allow me to live, but with more kids comes more work. Is it fair to raise the fee for doing chores like grocery shopping, preparing meals for the family, regularly running errands, laundry other than for the kids?

Is it Normal to Be Fed Up With Total Melt Downs?

2012-02-01T06:31:00.006-05:00

I am wondering how all of you nannies handle this situation, or just what you think of it. You know that moment, where you are literally about to FLIP OUT. It's one of those days where the kids are going nuts, will not listen to you, you've tried everything.. maybe you're grocery shopping or doing errands and they're being extremely rambunctious, and you're THAT mom/nanny at the store who has no control. Or, its 5pm and you're cooking dinner and the kids are fighting, screaming, running around crazy and it's taking all you have to not just scream at them? I am a great nanny, have been for 5+ years, and I love my job. But, I think we all have those moments where we want to just have a meltdown. It's just different when you are the nanny. It is your job to be there, to take care of them, to handle situations with care and with ease. Yet, aren't we all allowed to feel completely fed up once in a while? I know for me, it helps when a parent I work for confesses that they had a total "melt down" or "freak out" over the weekend. It makes me feel like, okay then, it's not just me. I don't know what it is exactly I am asking- I guess I just want to know that I am not alone!

Is Nanny Obligated to Stay... and Endure Abuse?

2012-01-31T06:16:00.006-05:00

I need some help. I've found myself in a pretty sticky spot and I'm not sure exactly what to do. I've been nannying for a family with 3 children, a set of 4 yr old twins and a 6 yr old, for about 15 months. Things started out great of course... and quickly went south. Since the time I started working there they've replaced their nanny of 3 yrs, the mom quit working from home and moved to an office, they've started building a new home, sold their old home before their new home was ready, then moved into a hotel for about a month, then moved into a very small apartment for the summer, then finally moved into their new home. I was, of course, heavily relied upon during this time. I did all the deep cleaning to prepare their old home to be sold, I did all the cleaning when they moved out of the hotel, I did all of the deep cleaning when they moved into their apartment as well as when they moved out. I also did all of the packing for the kids stuff in every move. I'm now responsible for all of the cleaning in their new home... vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, kitchen etc. I'm also now responsible for all of the cooking. When my boss goes out of town I work 12 hr days with no extra pay, she just lets me go early one day of that week and calls it "even." I do all of their grocery shopping, I pick up and drop off the dry cleaning, make daily post office runs for her husbands side business... and on and on my duties have accumulated. I'm not being paid any extra for any of this.

On top of everything their oldest son has decided to take out on me his frustration with his parents. He screams at me if I come within a few feet of him. He tells me he hates me and wishes I would never come back. He tells me I'm a terrible nanny and he wishes I had never been born. He always speaks me to me very disrespectfully and condescendingly. For much of these tantrums my boss is still home and she rarely, if ever, intervenes. I've addressed the issue with my boss who tells me he's going through a phase. A couple of months after I addressed the issue I was scolded for his behavior towards me and told I need to do more to connect with him. One of the twins has also decided to take out his frustrations on me with 2 hr long tantrums. To the point where he throws up. He screams at me and kicks the door and tells me he's going to bite me and punch me and kick me and he never wants me to come back. I've informed the mother of his behavior and she chalks it up to "a few bad days."

This is only a very brief description of the things I've dealt with in the last year. They are at times very nice to me. She sometimes gives me $5 gift cards to Starbucks and gives me clothes that no longer fit her, etc. However, after all of this I was anticipating a significant raise in January. I received a $.25 raise. In addition to this slap in the face, she took away my vacation time (I used to get 2 wks of paid vacation time... now I have 3 days from January to June) and I no longer get paid for their vacation time (which I did last year). She also wants me to teach the twins how to read and write and schedule out every day with special learning activities (she says the kids don't have enough to look forward to and that's why they act up), she also wants me to take classes and do outside research on how to be a better nanny (she says she does it for her business too so its perfectly reasonable).

Needless to say, I have turned in my notice because I've decided to return to school. I gave them 3 wks out of guilt because they rely so heavily on me and my boss was out of town most of this week. My problem now is that the parents trash talk me to their children behind my back, which they've always done, but I'm just now starting to realize how disrespectful and detrimental this is. Friday morning I came in and the kids were all screaming saying "you're a bad nanny! you made daddy mad! we don't have to listen to you because daddy said you're bad! daddy was calling you naughty names last night!" They already have a nanny lined up but they want me to stay and train her.

I've explained all of that to pose this question: Am I crazy for feeling like trash talking the nanny to their kids is unacceptable? They see no problem. I feel betrayed. Since I already gave them 3 wks am I obligated to stay those 3 weeks and train their new nanny? Or can I just leave?

Opportunity Knocks... Should Nanny Answer?

2012-01-31T06:05:00.003-05:00

Okay my nannies with experience in this area, and even those that don’t, should I consider this job or not? First let me tell you a bit of my background. I’ve been in education for 4 years, my primary experience is with ages 18 months to 4 years old, and to make ends meet in tough times I’ve taken on being a nanny. I’ve been looking for a full-time gig for close to a year now.

Here is the opportunity: a family is seeking a nanny for their 2 and 4 year old little girls. They also have 3 older children that do not require nanny care. The new nanny would be replacing the old nanny who had to leave very suddenly due to an illness in her family. This former nanny is well loved. They want a nanny who will do household laundry, cook and buy groceries twice a week, and travel with them at least twice a year, all that in addition to typical chores like getting meals for the little girls and transporting them to and from their activities. Pay is decent. The hours are Monday through Friday 7:30am to 5:30 pm. They are looking for someone long-term, who is fun loving, creative with just the right touch of discipline. They describe themselves as laid back.

Here are my concerns:
1. In my albeit limited experience, despite what parents say, you do at some point become responsible for all children, be it on school vacations, illness etc. I am not into caring for teens.
2. I have no problem attending to the kids’ laundry, but I am firmly against household laundry.
3. I’m not against traveling, but I have a very specific schedule at home and I don’t know for certain how flexible they will be with coordinating dates.
4. Replacing a well-loved nanny, who had to leave suddenly, almost seems an impossible task.
5. They say they want someone who can be with them for years, but I see it as only another year of one child needing full-time regular care. After that I see this position becoming part-time nanny, on-call nanny, and a whole lot of housekeeper.
6. On the plus side I am very creative and think I would match well with the personality they are looking for in a nanny, and 2s and 4s are my forte.
7. It’s a bonus the job is near to where I live and is full time.

Is it worth it or should I pass this up and hope something else comes along?

How Can Nanny Survive with Unlivable Wages?

2012-01-31T05:58:00.004-05:00

Hello! I am new to the whole nanny as a profession but have cared for many children over the years. I recently accepted a position from a well off family who gets reimbursed by their employer for childcare. They said $200 a week, but in our area I am unsure of anyone who can live off of $800 a month! I am expected to care for one child for the full nine hours while the other is only about a half hour till they come home. They choose to have a nanny over regular child care so we can monitor and regulate what the youngest child eats/drinks as he is extremely allergic to many food items. We play all day long, I put him down for a nap, and cook/feed the children breakfast, lunch and dinner. In the summer I will be expected to care for both children, I would enjoy taking the kids out but I can't when I myself cannot afford to even get to work and back after paying my bills/rent! Any advice is greatly appreciated.

WAHMs vs WAHDs

2012-01-31T05:55:00.001-05:00

How do nannies feel about WAHMs vs WAHDs? If the mom is working at home, it's simply annoying. If the dad is home, it can be creepy. I personally feel it is inappropriate for a dad to be at home with a younger female nanny. Any thoughts?

The Good 'ol Days

2012-01-31T05:49:00.003-05:00

I can't be the only nanny who has noticed the lack of a schedule for children in recent years. Back when I started, children had regular mealtimes, naptimes, and bedtimes. The last 5 years or so when I go on interviews all I hear is little so and so has no schedule and in the very next breath they talk about how hungry, cranky, or tired the child is all the time. Well gee! I wonder why that is? I'm not one for overscheduling. For example I don't think a child needs a sport or class every day of the week, but there is something to be said for dinner and bed at the same time every day!

Jumping the Gun

2012-01-31T05:45:00.002-05:00

I am a nanny for a 7 month old baby and I have been here with the family since the day he was born. My bosses have been talking about having another baby and constantly ask if I will stick around when they do. I love my job and my bosses and would love to stay with them. I currently get paid 400/week for 50 (sometimes more) hours of work per week. While some may think it is on the lower end for the hours I work, I am a live in and they do pay for groceries, health insurance, car, cell phone, etc, so besides my personal student loans, I have virtually no expenses.

Would it be unfair of me to ask for more money when they have another baby? I may be jumping the gun because MB isn't even pregnant, but I am just curious. I really love this job and my charge and I consider myself part of the family and I think I would stay even if I didn't get a pay raise..but is that fair to me? Just need some nanny input..what would you do?

Live-in Cut-off?

2012-01-31T05:38:00.001-05:00

For all of you live-in nannies out there...how old are you? I am 22 and am a live-in. I started this job when I was 21 and know I'll have job security for years to come because my nanny family and I have a great relationship and they are planning on having more kids...and the more kids they have, the more they need a nanny around. I am just wondering how old is ''too old'' to be a live in? I sometimes worry about my own independence and if I should get my own place because being a live in is very convenient but I sometimes feel like it's not putting me out into the real world. I'll admit I'm a little spoiled here! Anyone feel the same?

Nanny's Dream Job Becomes Heartwrenching Nightmare

2012-01-27T19:10:00.005-05:00

I’m really hoping I can get some advice about a heartbreaking situation I have found myself in. I have been a nanny for 7 years and have always had fantastic relationships with all of my charges and have always been head over heels in love with them. I have stayed in contact with all of them. My most recent was caring for a baby girl from 2 weeks old until she was 13 months. The family had to relocate across the country and it has been extremely difficult for me. Normally this situation is heart wrenching, but I move on healthily and am excited for a new baby to be a huge part of my life. I never imagined I would miss her SO much after starting this new job.

3 weeks ago I started with a new family and their 5 month old son. I feel like crying every time I come home from work and before I go to work! He is the most difficult infant I have ever seen in my life and it is really starting to take a toll on me. He cries constantly, but not really crying, more like whining that turns into hysterical screaming. He shakes, sweats and is inconsolable. I have tried everything to calm him down but he doesn’t stop until he is asleep, which is extremely difficult for him to do. When he finally falls asleep he only naps for about 30 minutes and wakes up in full hysterics. There are maybe two times during the time I am there which he smiles and coos at me, and it lasts about 30 seconds until out of nowhere he is building on hysteria again. The mother seems to be in denial that something may be wrong whether it be colic or something else more serious. She always chalks it up to “oh he must miss me so much when I’m gone!” I feel there should have been some definite bonding with him since I am there about 35 hrs a week, but it’s like he has no idea who I am at all. He completely rejects any affection, arches his back and seems he doesn’t want to be held at all. He is upset whether he is being held, walked around, bounced, played music, fed, changed or sitting in a swing or on the floor. I feel like a bad nanny because I cannot in any way console this poor baby and I feel like he hates me! I have thought about quitting but I feel so awful giving up on myself and the baby, I want it to work but I can’t go on like this.

After the first week of a new job I am so used to having a baby love me and reacting positively to my affection. All I want is to be able to snuggle him and give him so much love and it breaks my heart that I can’t do that. What would you do?

The Traveling Nanny

2012-01-25T12:58:00.002-05:00

Hello, I am looking for some counsel. We are an Army family currently in GA. We are heading to VA in June for 2 years. We have a great sitter now. She is sweet and loves our kids and we really like and trust her. She is a young girl, almost 20, who wants to start college. She is looking for a change (parents going through a divorce) so we told her she was welcome to come with us to VA. She can live with us and start school or just take in the sights and help us... kind of our ministry to her as well.

Here is the breakdown: We have 3 kids, 9, 6, & 2. I am a stay at home mom who might get pregnant again. That is when I would need the most help, I get pretty sick, so that might mean drop off and pick up from school occasionally if I'm too sick. But even so, we only go out on dates 1 or 2 times a month, we don't do over-nighters, or do much without our children. I may ask her to keep the youngest once or twice a week so I can run errands but that is really it. She would just be my back up if needed while she goes to school or whatever else. She sells MK and I wouldn't mind if she worked part time or took other sitter jobs... again I am a stay at home mom and do it myself. She loves art like my oldest daughter so I'm sure she would go with us to museums etc... she would have a free place to live and be included in our meals.

I'm trying to find a house where she will have her own room/bathroom and separate entrance, she has her own car already but would use ours if she has the kids. How much would be reasonable pay for this? I know it's a lot of stuff here and we always pay her as much as she asks for but we don't have a lot of extra being Army, and we could never afford a full time nanny. But we really want to help get her started in school if she wants, and she is excited about getting to travel and trying something new and I know this will be a great experience for her as well. Thank you for any help.

All in a Day's Work!

2012-01-25T12:51:00.001-05:00

This may sound like an odd question, but I was just wondering how many other nannies have ever had to deal with their bosses wandering the house in their underpants at times.

I've been with the same family for 2 years, and the parents and I get along very well. A few times MB has come to talk to me while getting ready for work and been in just a bra and jeans, or a t-shirt and pantyhose, or something similar. I always wrote those off pretty easily - I did have to walk in on her breastfeeding a few times a day for a year after all.

Then, the other day, I came in to work (at my usual time) and went upstairs where I could hear MB playing with the kids, and when I poked my head in the room DB was in there in just his boxers. We all sort of just laughed, he apologized, and we moved on, but I thought this was a funny example of the kinds of things that happen in a nanny job that don't happen with other professions - you get poop on your hands, you get puked on, and sometimes you walk in on your boss in his underpants!

Obeying the Law

2012-01-25T12:45:00.000-05:00

I want to do the right thing and work on the books. How do I figure out what forms I and potential employers need? I’m taking on a part time nanny job for an infant and a toddler. Do you think $250 is a fair (after tax) weekly rate for 20 hours a week? Should I at least expect to make the daycare fee? Around here a daycare would charge about $350 for those hours for kids that age.

Barnes and Noble in Chandler Fashion Mall - Chandler, Arizona

2012-01-22T16:27:00.002-05:00

I have been a nanny for four years, I love my job and think it is one of the best out there. But I also think there are far too many people who take advantage of it. What I saw yesterday disturbed me so much that I had to do something about it.

I take my charge to the childrens story time at Barnes and Noble in Chandler Fashion Mall in Chandler Arizona every Friday. We love going there and playing with all of the other kids. Well, I walked in this last Friday on January 20th at 10:30 a.m. ready for story time as usual. I pushed the stroller up next to a seat and grabbed a few books off of the shelf while we waited for the story time to begin. Next to me was a young woman in her early twenties with brown hair and blonde streaks that was tied up in a bun. She was sitting on the ground next to her charge (an adorable little asian boy who looked to be around three) and while everyone else was reading books to their kids, her charge just sat there in his chair with nothing. The nanny was on facebook and checking the internet on her phone while completely ignoring the little boy. She didn't talk to him, look at him, she was so engrossed with her phone. When her charge tried to grab a book on the shelf behind him, she took it away and said in a harsh voice that he doesn't get to touch anything.

The little boy went back to sitting quietly while she went back to her phone. As the story time began, she stayed on her phone the entire time. When there was a special guest who arrived (Maisy the mouse from the Maisy mouse childrens books) all the kids got to go get a picture with Maisy. I took my charge up there and we got pictures and she absolutely loved it. When I turned back, I saw the other nanny and her charge stand up. I thought they might come get a picture like the rest of the kids, but instead she dragged him away still looking at her phone and ignoring his question to go see Maisy. She didn't watch where she was walking obviously and as she left, the little boy walked right into a book shelf!! I was so outraged that she didn't stop at all and merely spoke harshly to her charge again and left the store.

As a nanny who takes her job seriously and really enjoys what I do, this upset me so deeply. If the parents of this little boy are reading this and it sounds like your nanny, PLEASE do something. She had both her purse and a diaper bag with her. Your child deserves someone who loves him and will treat him well!

Defining "Kid-Related" Tasks

2012-01-22T15:21:00.002-05:00

I have a question for your nannies about what you would consider a standard for "kid-related cleaning duties"? We have just done a 2 week trial with a nanny who we really like but she has been very clear that she is a "childcare ONLY" nanny. We said ok, fine, we don't need someone to do kid laundry or that sort of thing, but she doesn't even want to load the dishwasher or tidy the playroom at the end of the day.

My kids are 15 months and almost 3 and they both nap for a MINIMUM of 2 hours per afternoon, sometimes up to 3 hours, but usually more like 2 hours 15 min or so. I'm all for the nanny having a "break" but I feel like she could take an hour break and still have time to tidy the playroom or clean up the kitchen. She DOES prepare their lunch and snacks and rinses the dishes. Anyway, I think maybe we should look for someone who is more willing to do these tasks or really someone who is willing to throw in a load of kid laundry, sort through the puzzles and match up pieces, etc. with the "free" hour+ she has every day. Or my husband suggested we lower her hourly rate from $18/hr to $10/hr for 2 hours per day when the kids are asleep. But that just gets complicated. And she has been keeping a diary of the kids naps, etc. and honestly, she has had 2.5 hours every single day but one and that was when my daughter had a little cold and she still slept 2 hours!!

What Should Nanny Do About Mom #2?

2012-01-22T10:23:00.004-05:00

Hello nannies and parents! I actually have a sticky situation that I would really appreciate your insight on. I have been a professional career nanny for the past twelve years, and MOST of the time, I absolutely love my job! I say most of the time, because I recently accepted a full time nanny position through a local nanny agency and only two weeks in I am already thinking about quitting. Before I get into what's going on, please allow me to give you a little bit of insight about what my previous nanny jobs have been like.

When I say that I am a professional career nanny I mean: I have been exclusively nannying for the past twelve years, have child development units as well as my preschool teacher certificate, have tons of experience with multiples, tons of experience with infants and toddlers, celebrity nanny experience (both in New York and Los Angeles). All three of my last nanny positions were long term, where I was seen both as a professional nanny and an extended member of their families. In my last position, I was nannying for an infant 50 hours a week and was being paid 16 dollars per hour plus overtime for the extra 10 hours per week, was given 10 paid sick days a year and two weeks of paid vacation. Unfortunately for me, the time came for mom to get a promotion at work and they ended up moving to another state, which left me scrambling to find a new position.

To cut to the chase, I ended up going on an interview a few weeks ago for a family with a 14 month old little boy. Mom #1 works out of the home, and mom #2 (two mommy family) works from home. That was an immediate red flag to me, as I am aware of the problems that can arise for a nanny when one of the parents works from home, but because I really liked the family and the baby, I decided to accept their position when they made an offer. Unfortunately, due to the current economy, I was forced to take a position paying much less than I have been making the past 5 years. I am now making a set salary of 2500 a month for 40 hours of work a week. It is roughly 1,000 dollars less than I was making before, but I really was desperate to find a position as I had been out of work for over 6 months by the time I got the job offer.

Now, if this job were easy, I would feel much better about taking a lower salary, but to be honest, it is definitely one of the hardest positions I have ever had. Most of this stems from mom #2 working from home, as I feel that she is constantly watching every move I make with her son. Some examples of this: they live in a very small one story home with the office off of the kitchen and the living room right next to it, instead of her going into her office and working during the day, she leaves the office door wide open, I believe to keep an eye on us through out the day. Not only that, but while I am upstairs trying to put her son down for a nap, she will turn on the baby monitor that is in her office just so she can hear what is going on upstairs. If the baby cries even the slightest bit, she will come rushing upstairs to ask me why he is crying, and then take him from me to breast feed him.

He is not on a consistent schedule in regards to eating or napping and therefore is an overly fussy and needy child. At fourteen months old, his daily diet consists of something like this: am-breast milk, noon-Gerber puffs or baby crackers, pm-breast milk. Due to not being exposed to many solid foods, he often pushes them away or cries when I try to offer them to him. Nutritionally, I feel like this is so wrong, but the more I encourage the moms to feed him solids, the more they shy away from the idea. As far as the napping, the moms do not believe in forcing him to take a nap, and because of this, the poor baby has several melt downs throughout the day because he is so exhausted and is fighting his sleep. Also, mom #2 has made it a habit to hold him throughout his whole nap when he does fall asleep, and she expects me to do that as well. Not only do I think this is completely unhealthy for many reasons, but it also makes it to where it is nearly impossible for me to complete the daily household chores I am required to do.

Now on to what I believe is one of the biggest problems about the position. I was very clear in my interview with the family that I am the type of nanny that does not like to sit at home with my charges all day long. I would much rather be out and about doing fun things with them on a daily basis (and even more so now that I work for a family where one parent works from home.) During the interview, they said they were fine with this, and that they would absolutely love it! I am a very organized nanny and I provided the family with a very detailed list of activities that I would be doing with the baby during the next two months (I like to plan our outings at least a few months in advance.) When it came time for our first outing to see a children's play at a local library, and then go to a local beach for a playgroup with other children around the same age, mom told me that we could only go see the play and that she wanted us back in two hours (the play itself was two hours long, which meant that we had to leave even before the play was over to make it back in time.) I was so disappointed, as I had really been looking forward to meeting up with my nanny friends again and for the kids to be able to play and build sandcastles on the beach. I agreed, and chalked it up to mom just being nervous because it was my first week. During that whole first week, several things like this happened, and it lead to me feeling more and more uncomfortable with taking the baby out of the house at all.

Fast forward to this week. It was on our agenda on Monday, to go see a puppet show at a nearby community college. Originally, I had written down that we would be there from 3:00-4:00, but then I realized that in order to get good parking we would have to arrive at least 20-30 mins before the show started, so I crossed it out and wrote 2:30-4:30 to allow for time to get there and park, and time to get home after the show. Well, to make a long story short, the first thing mom said to me when I walked in the door this morning was "why did you change your outing from 1 hour to 2?" I explained, but she told me to make it work in the me hour time frame. I found this impossible to do, so we didn't even end up going at all. =(

Anyway, I feel stuck in this position, because I really don't want to let the nanny agency down by leaving the job. I am afraid that if I do that, they will refuse to help me find another position, and that would leave me in a really bad place, as finding my own position here right now has proven to be extremely difficult. What should I do? Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.

Super Nice Nanny Needs Advice... and a BackBone

2012-01-22T10:22:00.000-05:00

I've been a nanny for 15 years, and I'm great with all the "kid stuff". I am great at saying the right things to get the reaction/behavior I want from the kids. But when it comes to talking to the parents, my employers, I totally wimp out. There are things that I look for in a job like parents who NEVER work at home, who come home on time, pay a decent wage, etc. It seems like when I go to an interview and mention these things, people react negatively. I say I want a definite ending time, they take that as "I can't wait to get away from your kid and go home." If I say I don't like it when the parents work at home, they think that means I'm going to neglect the kids or do something bad in the house. In this economy, I feel kind of desperate sometimes, so I sometimes don't mention these things at the interview. Then there is always a period of me trying super nicely to ask for things like sticking to a schedule, and usually they still come home late because I am nice about it. There have been so many times when I have been seething, looking at the clock, and being furious that it is 6:45 when I'm supposed to be off at 6. Yet the minute the parent gets home, I am all smiles, and I don't even mention it that they are late. They think everything is fine because I don't get mad at them. I feel like I don't know how to stand up for myself in a way that sounds nice, but still gets them to take it seriously. I feel like after 15 years I should be better at this. Anyone have any ideas about how I can stop being a wimp without becoming rude and nasty?

Dad Has Bad Timing

2012-01-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

Just a question for other nannies and parents. I care for a 13 month old boy from 8am-6pm, Monday through Friday. I make $400 per week. MB hands him off to me in the morning, and DB takes him from me when he gets home from work. Lately, DB has been coming home late (5 minutes here, 15 minutes there, etc) or has been in the habit of coming home 5 or 10 minutes til 6 and then 'wants to change clothes' or 'get a few things done' and ends up not taking the baby until almost 630. This has been happening 2-3 nights a week. By the end of my 10 hour day, I'm ready to leave and not being compensated to stay past 6. I occasionally stick around a few minutes and chat with MB/DB about baby's day as I put on my coat and walk to the door... but how do I approach the consistent lateness? I have a personal life after work. Nannies, what have you said to MB/DB before when they've been late? Parents, how do you let nannies know you'll be late, or how do you make up for it when you are?

Reader's Request

2012-01-22T10:20:00.002-05:00

I am about to give my notice at my nanny position that I have been working at for over a year. I am so nervous. My employers are insane. I plan to post the story and details after I quit and the dust settles. I am giving 8 weeks notice because I truly want the best for my little peanut that I have been caring for. I want them to find an excellent nanny who is well qualified for him and not make a decision out of desperation.

My question for my fellow nannies (& even parents): will you share your "giving notice" story? I am trying to build up the courage to leave and it would help to hear from others who have been through it! Please share the good, the bad and the ugly! :)
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Let's hear it Readers... we know some of you have a torrid ending! Leave your Story on this thread or send it to ISYN and when we have enough they will all be Posted together as a Feature!

What Every Family Should Know

2012-01-22T10:15:00.000-05:00

1. Paying taxes is not optional.
2. You must pay minimum wage, i.e. $150 for 50 hours of work is NOT ok.
3. Having a nanny is more expensive than daycare.
4. If you want your nanny to have a degree and 5 plus years experience with references, expect to pay accordingly.
5. It’s not the nanny’s job to scrub your bathroom, wash your underwear, walk your dog, drop off your dry cleaning, and buy your groceries.

Hire a maid, housekeeper, or personal assistant!

Expecting the Unexpected

2012-01-22T10:09:00.004-05:00

In a few months I'm going on vacation with the family I work for. This isn't the first time I've gone away with them, but this trip is a little bit different. We're going to see the kids' grandparents and we'll be staying with them for about a month. We've already talked about me having some time off there to go do my own thing and I'll have my own bedroom so all of that is covered. The one aspect I'm confused about is how I should be paid. There are three kiddos and between mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa I'm assuming (probably not the best idea) that I won't really have a lot of work to do, but I'm also not really sure what to expect.

MB approached me today, asking me what I thought was fair and I really didn't know how to respond. She thought the easiest way was to just pay me like a normal month, assuming that I'll actually be "working" less hours. While I see her point, I'm also there, away from my own life, including the weekends which I usually have off. I left it that I was going to think it over and we would discuss it at a later date. I'm hoping that some of you have had a similar situation or if not, could tell me what you would ask for? Thanks!

What's the Going Rate for This Nanny?

2012-01-22T10:00:00.000-05:00

How much should my rate be? I live in South Eastern Mass. With 1 year experience as a nanny and 3 years as a daycare teacher. I have really good references. I will care for infants up to age 7. I'm willing to work full-time and do some housework for the children, make their food, and take care of their laundry etc. This will be my only income. Is $450-$650 reasonable? Should I go higher or lower?

Another Kid, Another Raise?

2012-01-22T09:45:00.000-05:00

I need advice. Have been working with a family since their now 2.5 year old was 2 months old. I had been gradually getting raises... starting at $175 and am now up to $230/week. They just had a new baby and I will be working part time until mom goes back to work. How much of an increase should I expect for watching both kids when she goes back to work? They are an amazing family to work for. Very flexible when I have things come up and what not. I will probably only be with them through the end of the summer as I am graduating from college, although they are trying to convince me to stay longer. Any advice is appreciated.

Call Me Godmother

2012-01-22T09:40:00.002-05:00

Last February my employers and I had a conversation where we kicked around the idea of making me the legal Godparent of their two youngest children. I had told them that while I had been the Godparent to several of my friend’s children in spirit, I had never been a formal Godparent in name, and I would be humbled to be offered such an honor. As the year rolled on we kicked around the idea from time to time, but it was not until my employers had to travel internationally in October for work, leaving their progeny at home in California with me, that they visited their lawyers and made it official. I spent October 1st, my first day as Guardian and Godparent of my beloved charges baking apple pies and carving pumpkins and basking in the glow of our new special status. Every little adorable sentence held a new special significance.

My Godson, I thought, as my almost five-year-old charge spoke whimsically of the irrational attitude of Angry Birds.

My Goddaughter, I thought, gazing adoringly at the little two year old snuggling down in her crib under her little pink blankie.

I’m a Godmother, I thought as I fell asleep, scooting over for more room, as both the 11 year old and the almost five year old had insisted on having a slumber party in the master bedroom with me under the pretext of missing their parents. I didn’t care. I was exhausted from a long day of carving and baking and play dates and household commotion. When I had arrived home with the pumpkins I had found Karena, our weekend Nanny, white as a sheet, standing on the kitchen island with her cell phone in one hand and a spatula in the other. She said that she had seen a rat and that it had run under the stove when she had screamed. I called pest control, but they had not found anything. I had had a sore throat all day too, and I been sneezing. Whatever. I was so happy to be a Godmother, and with that wonderful thought, I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke some hours later with two thoughts. One: It is the middle of the night, and two: I am going to throw up. I slipped out of bed and scurried to the bathroom and assumed the position. Again, two thoughts crossed my mind. One: Wow. This toilet is incredibly clean, and two: Holy Crap my employers are in Europe and I am sick! After, shaking and feeling mightily pitiful, I quietly walked downstairs for a cold glass of water and the forehead scan thermometer, which is the most accurate one in the house. As I slid it across my forehead, I heard a curious crunching sound coming from the pantry.

THE RAT!!!

I jumped up onto the kitchen island with an extraordinary spryness for someone who had just emptied the entire contents of their stomach into the master bathroom commode, and again, two thoughts crossed my mind. One: this marble surface feels divine against my feverish forehead, and two: I must close the pantry door and trap that horrific rat. Does anyone remember the movie “Close Encounters Of The Third Kind”? Remember the scene where the aliens are trying to get into the house, and the Mom realizes that they are coming down the chimney and she steels herself as she grabs for the flue, and strengthens herself as she counts to three and then slams it shut? Yeah. It was exactly like that.

I made a mental to do list as I staggered back upstairs. Call the exterminator to come back. Cancel the play dates for Sunday. Call for back up, as I had seen my fever was 102 before I had dropped the thermometer in horror at the realization of the reality of the rat.

When I woke up the next morning it was even worse. My throat ached and the glands in my neck were beyond tender and my head spun with fever and my right leg felt curiously damp where my almost five-year-old Godson was curled around me.

“I think you might have had an accident.” I croaked.

“Oh brother!” he said.

As a Nanny, I knew how I would have handled this situation. I would have called in sick and then spent a lovely day semi conscious in my very own cozy bed while addictive TV like “Keeping up with the Kardashians” droned in the background while I drifted in and out of sleep until I recovered. I might have spent an entire day like that, perhaps even two. My housemates would make a Whole Foods run for me and fetch me soup and ginger ale. My employers would send me loving texts wishing me a speedy recovery. That is how I would have handled a sudden onslaught of flu, as a Nanny.

But I was a Godmother now, and two thoughts crossed my mind,

“Get up, your Godson needs a bath.” was the first.

“This is a huge responsibility.” Was the second.

I have often wondered where parents gathered the strength to conquer exhaustion, and overcome illness and transcend tribulation to do the best by their children. I had, at times, theorized that there must be a hormone that is released upon childbirth that makes parents stronger than usual, everyday childless adults.

I do know that upon being named Godmother, I gathered myself up out of my sickbed, bathed my Godson, changed the bedding, called the exterminator, threw out everything in the pantry and washed the shelves with bleach once the rat was gone, took the eleven year old to baseball (and dozed in the car) and did what needed to be done.

So call me Godmother. I’ve seriously earned the title.
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Rebecca Nelson Lubin is a Nanny and writer who resides in the San Francisco Bay Area. To see more of her Articles visit www.abandofwives.ning.com.

Low Cashflow

2012-01-18T21:28:00.002-05:00

I really need help!! I baby sit Monday-Friday..7:30am to 5:30pm for $160 a week! At first this was fine for me as my boyfriend was giving me money. Now that he is jobless I do not have that extra income. I have bills that I need to pay and is struggling.. How do I go about asking for more money??

Family Devastated By Thieving Nanny

2012-01-17T06:26:00.001-05:00

This past Friday I found out that my nanny of 8 years who we treated like family has been stealing checks, forging my signature and cashing them. I am embarrassed to say that she stole a ton of money. I am so hurt and my children who are 8 and 5 don't know yet. They think she will be back. She admitted it to me when I confronted her as she forged my signature and couldn't deny it. Now, we don't know what to do. We are completely devastated as we treated her so wonderfully. Why would she do this? And what do we do now??

MB Taking Unfair Advantage of Her Nanny

2012-01-17T06:15:00.000-05:00

I need help. My 19 year old sister has been a live-in nanny for two and a half months. This is her first live-in nanny job, though she has had babysitting jobs in the past. She does not have a drivers license and she is nannying in a gated community that is miles from the nearest bus line. The community has no parks and the people there don't socialize with their neighbors. The Boss Mom is a single mother whose parents pay half of the nanny salary. When my sister took the job she was told that she would be paid $100 a week plus room and board and all food would be purchased for her.

After she moved in, things immediately got somewhat abusive. The Boss Mom started complaining about how much food she was eating. The house does not have a landline and my sister is required to pay for her own cell phone. My sister has not been given the code to the gate so she can not walk out of the community without the car clicker to open the car gate. She has not been registered as a community member and so she can not call the gate to let me in when I come pick her up. Boss Mom has OCD (she told my sister she was diagnosed) and so my sister is under constant scrutiny as far as levels of cleanliness. Boss Mom goes into my sister's room and cleans it, and leaves hand-me-down clothes in her closet as "gifts". She has taken all of my sister's clothes and washed them while my sister wasn't there. Also, the baby (a two year old) is not allowed to do messy things. When my sister politely asked that she not touch her personal things without asking first, Boss Mom replied, "How dare you tell me not to clean my house when you pay no rent to live here." Boss Mom is often verbally abusive and has called my sister fat (she is not even overweight, however Boss Mom is). Boss Mom also constantly speaks poorly of her last nanny.

Boss Mom began a relationship with someone who stayed with her for a few weeks. This man took my sister's gate clicker so she is no longer able to get in or out of the community on her own at all. Last weekend my sister left to spend time with friends and Boss Mom would not give her the clicker, so my sister ended up having nowhere to go at the end of the night and had to sleep on a friend's floor. The baby is often left with my sister so that Boss Mom can go out shopping after work and she is not paid overtime. My sister was invited to the family Christmas with Boss Mom and her parents and was chastised for not being the primary caregiver on that day, even though she was supposed to have it off.

When my sister approached Boss Mom about paying taxes, she said "You are not working for a business so I'm not worrying about that."

Obviously at this juncture my sister is desperate to quit. There was never any written contract and it's almost certain that Boss Mom is not going to give a reference for my sister if she quits. I need any advice I can get. Is there any legal action my sister can take or does she just have to cut her losses and move on?

Is Nanny/Boss Relationship Crossing the Line?

2012-01-17T06:10:00.001-05:00

I have been an on call nanny for this family for the past two months and they have two beautiful kids. The dad works a lot and is gone most of the time and the mom is a stay at home mom. At first they were really good and made plans ahead of time, but now whenever I babysit they call me right before they want me to be there, and I feel like the mom is mad if I can't do it. Also, we are more like friends now so I feel bad whenever I can't do it.

Whenever I get paid, it usually takes a while and I have to keep asking about it. If they give me a time that they will be back, it is almost never then and they never text and say that they will be late, and sometimes it is a few hours later than what they originally said. I spend the night there several nights a week, and when I do the mom always wakes me up and asks if I can get up with the kids. I'm not really paid for this time, while she sleeps all day. I don't know if I am being taken advantage of or not, or if this is normal especially since we are friends. I am not the type of person that would take up for myself easily.

Did Nanny Overreact?

2012-01-17T06:01:00.000-05:00

I was hired to care for two babies last summer and cared for them on a part time basis since last August until before Christmas. I averaged about 2 days a week. My schedule was set up week to week. It wasn’t a ton of money, but it was good job, nice family and close to my home. I was looking for another job to pay bills. I was supposed to start again the first week of this month. I emailed Mom to set up hours for the following week and got no response. I didn’t get a response until a week later. Normally I get a response quickly even if I wasn’t needed that week. I basically asked if I was going to be needed the following week or if they didn’t want me to continue working. I just wanted to know. She wrote back that she had told me about the schedule change (I think I would remember that), and that she didn’t understand why I thought they were trying to get rid of me, that they were happy with me, and that she hoped she could have used me in the future, and she was sorry to lose me. I wrote her back saying there was no mention of 3 months without work and that not hearing from her for weeks at a time even after being told to contact her with my schedule, and not having a firm time of when I would be back to work, led me to believe they no longer wanted me. I also mentioned that I would have liked to help them out, but I didn’t see how I could be available to start a new job and be their on-call sitter too, and wished them the best. I even offered to tell them if I knew of a person who could be on call for them.

My question, is did I overreact? I had a bad work situation before where my boss was very unkind to me, yelling at me, trying to ruin my reputation all overnight after telling me I did a good job. So I’ve started thinking everyone is like this secretly. I’m a very quiet person by nature and I let people get away with things. I’m trying to be better about that but I think I may have been too strong. I wrote very firm in the letter but I didn’t say curse words or anything like that. Should I apologize? It was a good job, and I miss the babies.

2012-01-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

After school mother’s helper for a six year old (S) and four year old triplets (R, C, M) and have been working with this family for five months.

2:45: I pull up to the house and wait in my car for MB and DB to return from picking the kids up at school. All kids go inside and wash their hands.
3:00: I put a helmet on S and R and take them out for a bike ride around their neighborhood and to the “rock place” which is a small dog park area with grass and a sitting area with a slight downhill. I started taking the kids there to practice braking on their bikes and now they do that then we play on the grass (red light green light, mother may I, simon says).
3:30: I’m back at the house and put a helmet on C and M. S and R go inside, wash their hands, and play. I repeat the bike ride/rock place with C and M until C kicks M in the face on purpose and that’s our cue to go home.
4:00: We’re back at the house, I tell MB that C needs to go on time out for kicking M in the face. She asks C is she’s going to behave. C says yes. MB says C doesn’t need to go on time out (WHAT). MB retires to her bedroom with sleeping DB. Two minutes later, C hits M in face and I send her up to her room for time out.
4:05: I gather pajamas and pull ups to begin bathing children. M didn’t need bathing because he wasn’t in school today. I set S, R, and M up with puzzles in the landing upstairs near the bathroom so I can keep an ear on them. I ask S if she wants to wash first or second (R isn’t washing, C is on time out so she’s last). S says third. I ask first or second. S freaks out and runs into her mother’s room. I follow, quietly explain what happened, MB says go first and she can have a lollipop. S says she doesn’t want a lollipop as her special treat (dessert) (two days ago MB and DB decided no more special treats). MB says lollipop AND special treat. S leaves the room, I take her into her own room and explain to her that even though Mommy and Daddy are at home, I’m in charge of her and she needs to listen to what I say. She starts screaming and crying, S goes on time out in her room. S and C’s rooms are connected by the bathroom in which I watch the kids so I have screaming S on one side and screaming C on the other. Excellent.
4:15: M is undressed and in the bath. I give him about five minutes to play while I check on R who has been quietly playing with puzzles this whole time.
4:30: M is finished bathing and is dressed, C is calmed down (S is still screaming in spite of the fact that she knows time outs are three minutes, but time doesn’t begin until she has quieted down) so I take C into the bathroom to wash her.
4:45: S has FINALLY stopped crying and her three minutes have gone by without another tear so she washes herself while I pop in and out while keeping an eye on R, C, and M playing with puzzles. I have them clean up their mess, gather their water bottles from last night from their rooms and head downstairs while I dress S.
5:00: With MB and DB surprisingly still in their room (normally they are all over me during the afternoon before dinner), I take the kids downstairs and have them playing together while I do the dishes that have piled up in the sink while the kids were at school.
5:15: After a few arguments I had to break up, I have the triplets move into the living room so I can sit down at the piano with S for her daily fifteen minutes of practice.
5:30: MB comes out of her room and S runs to her. MB approaches me and asks what happened before bath because S is “visibly upset.” S says she’s mad at me because I put her on time out. I ask S why she was on time out. I explain to S and MB that she was on time out for not obeying me and throwing a tantrum. MB is obviously not very happy with the fact that I put her on time out.
5:35: MB goes back into her room, S runs after her crying again for no reason, DB is sleeping so I grab S underneath her arms to stop her from running in there loudly. I throw my back out. Excellent! I bring S downstairs with R, C, and M who are playing with Legos. I sit down and play with them for a little but and then have them begin cleaning up and washing before dinner. Clean up doesn’t happen because when I pay attention to M, R and C run away and when I fetch one of them, M runs away etc.
6:00: MB is downstairs and serving dinner. I eat with them in between fetching more milk and refilling bowls of spaghetti.
6:30: When they’re finished, I ensure the kids wash their hands and faces and DB puts on Beauty and the Beast about twenty minutes in. I wash all dishes from dinner (kids’, parents’, pots, pans, DB’s Tupperware/water bottles from work) while the kids are content in front of the tv. I collect their lunchboxes from the garage while DB awkwardly walks in from outside with the smell of cigarettes on him (found out recently he secretly smokes on the side of the house).
7:00: I get the kids vitamins and give them to them while they’re watching the movie. I clean up the play room (because it’s obvious MB and DB aren’t going to enforce me having them do it tonight [they’re watching tv, I can of course pick up after your already spoiled children].
7:20: Movie’s over, I begin brushing the kids’ teeth and refill their water bottles for bed.
7:40: I’m ushering the children upstairs, tuck them in, hugs and kisses + “I’ll see you on Monday, please behave this weekend” times four, and lights out.
7:45: Check in hand, I’m out the door.

Normally the kids don’t watch a movie, it was a big surprise that they got to because I will never put the television on for them (there are four of them, they can always play together) and it only happens when their parents are feeling lazy and don’t want them to bother them. DB is a surgeon and MB… doesn’t do anything? but spends an awful lot of time in the study “working.” Also, I don’t put tv on for them because they always want to watch Superhero Squad but the kids are generally violent to one another and MB blames it on the tv show so she told them no more of that show, which I enforce, but she stopped enforcing after two days. They each just got their own Leappad for… no particular reason so I’ve been giving those to them once or twice a week for the past two weeks. Fridays (this day) are my longest day with the kids and normally I'll take them down to the neighborhood playground instead of bike riding because it gives them more time and space to run around and it gives me more alone time with the kids to have a "picnic" snack and ask about their days, talk to them about what's going on in school, etc...

I adore the children when they’re behaving but when one misbehaves is generally means another one or two are misbehaving which is not fun. I give multiple time outs a day and it’s super stressful. I thought this was a nanny job when I began, not a mother’s helper job, and don’t really like the fact that their mom is home 95% of the time because the kids always run to her when they don’t like something I say.

Insurance Information

2012-01-17T05:59:00.001-05:00

I am a retiree who is caring for the baby grandson of a close family friend at their home, which is very close to my place. I am paid on the books and I use my own car for transportation. What insurance do I need and is it expensive? I transport the baby several times a week to classes. We live in suburban NJ.

Pay Increase Irks Parent

2012-01-14T02:55:00.002-05:00

Am I being unreasonable? I’ll be going back to work in February and have decided this time to get a nanny for our two children. We’ve met with a few candidates, and have one in mind that seems to fit our desires. She’s educated, experienced, good references, friendly, good with the kids, non-smoker, willing to do some chores, we’d like more, with a clean back ground and a good driver. The thing is I think she’s trying to take advantage of us. I know for a fact that at her last job she was not paid what she is asking for now, I checked into it.

We are thinking along the lines of $250 a week to $500-ish. Now we certainly can afford the increase, it just irks me that she’d ask more from us than she received from the others. I’m getting mixed reviews among my inner circle. Some think I’m on target and should question her about the salary change. Others, mainly one friend of mine who is a notorious pushover, thinks I’m being rude and possibly pushing away a potentially great nanny. What say you?

43 Hours

2012-01-14T02:41:00.006-05:00

I have a question for all of the nannies and employers out there. I've been a nanny for the same family for two years now. After one year their youngest went to school full-time, we re-organized the work agreement to guarantee me a minimum pay of 43 hours per week. My job-duties changed a bit including "on rare occasions" run errands (buy milk, pick up package, etc), and work until noon every other saturday. Over the past couple of months my "rare
occasion" errands have picked up to 2-3 times per week, and my saturday work has gone to 1:30-2pm instead of noon. The parents now say that I have to earn my 43 hours. I am completely taken back by this because they came to me with this offer so I wouldn't have to get a second job as a convenience for them. They wanted me to be completely available just in case the kids get sick, and when the kids are off of school for the holidays. I feel like they are now hanging my guaranteed pay over my head. How do y'all feel about this? How should I handle it? It is definitely interfering with my personal life. Thanks!

To Report Negligent Nannies...

2012-01-09T15:58:00.004-05:00

PLEASE INCLUDE THESE DETAILS:
* Physical description of caregiver
* Physical description of involved child/children
* Address or venue of observed incident
* Date and time of incident
* Detailed description of what you witnessed
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying involved caregiver

TO SEND YOUR SUBMISSIONS:
1) email your sighting to isawyournanny@aol.com
2) Leave as an anonymous comment on this thread.
3) Leave as an anonymous instant message using the MEEBO toolbar on the right side of the main ISYN page.

* You may also send in: Questions, Your Worst Interviews, Nanny/Employer Horror Stories, Rants/Raves, A Day in the Life...

Inconsistencies Drive Nanny to Look for Other Employment

2012-01-09T15:48:00.003-05:00

I’ve started looking for work. I am still technically employed by a family. I need advice as when to tell interested families I can start. I have been working with a family since August caring for twins. We got on well. It’s part time which is great for me because I’m in school. I was upfront with them from the start that I was in school part time for now, but in 2 years school would become fulltime. They were ok with that, as they only needed part time care, typically 2 days a week. For me 2 days with a nice family, two sweet babies for $200 was not a bad deal. Cut to last week when I found out that dad had lost hours at work so they wouldn’t need me as often for the next two months. That surprise I didn’t realize, dad’s hours changed so easily. While I do love part time, I need something consistent income wise so I’ve started looking for other jobs. Do I need to give this family the standard 2 to 4 weeks even though I’m not really working for them anymore, just so they know they can’t count on me to come back?

The Panda Mom’s Manifesto

2012-01-09T14:52:00.002-05:00

Written by, DaddyConfidential
Oh man. Tiger Mom was back in the news last week. Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother will be a year old on Wednesday. The book made quote-unquote Western parents feel inadequate for not being impossibly demanding – of their children and themselves.

Most people who read Tiger Mother will find it easy to despise Chua. She is uncompromising, judgmental, fairly bodacious, and enviably successful. By contrast, most parents feel compromised, judged, tired, and struggling.

Tiger Mother has even spawned copycats (and a plethora of lame-ass feline puns). Witness the Corlin twins from Hong Kong: self-described judo champs, chess dynamos, accomplished sailors and straight-A students. (They sound to me like prime candidates for a wedgie.)

The ten year-old fraternal twins have written The ROAR Of the Tiger Cubs, which is basically their Harvard application in book form. The title alone is so self-aggrandizing that with clear conscience, I can openly pray they die virgins.

Well, it’s a new year and that calls for a new parenting paradigm. 2011 was rough on 99% of us, so I’m encouraging parents to give themselves a break. This year, let’s indulge, relax, and goof off. Not 24/7, mind you. I’m not advocating that you abdicate all parenting responsibility. Just don’t lose sight of the fact that kids are supposed to be fun. They’re also supposed to have fun.

How shall we codify this easygoing approach? I’m calling it, The Panda Mom’s Manifesto.
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Please click the above link to read the rest of this Article and others cleverly written by one Dad's point of view.

The Help

2012-01-09T14:45:00.000-05:00

Written by, Rebecca Lubin
This past summer, July 22nd to be exact, (I remember as it was my younger brother’s birthday) I was at the tennis club with my then four year old charge, taking a break while he had his swim lesson, and scrolling through Facebook on my cell phone. There was a contest announcement on the Take Part page that caught my eye. “Win a trip for two to LA to attend the Celebrity premiere of “The Help.”” I glanced over the rules. I would have to submit a home made recipe and the story behind it, and the contest ended that day, at midnight. Now, like so many of us Nannies out there, I was incredible moved by “The Help.” I couldn’t read it fast enough, even though I wanted to read it very very slowly and make it last. I was so touched by the story of these women so in love with their charges, and how Skeeter described her enduring love for her former Nanny/Maid. I have always hoped to have such a lasting influence on my numerous children from over the years, and could really see myself in some of the characters, as a women so very invested in raising children I did not give birth to. I knew immediately what I would write about: My Goat Cheese Lasagna, and Parents Weekend at school with my former charge Sierra.

I had helped raise Sierra from the age of four, and when she was fourteen, her father had passed away, right before she left to attend a boarding school in Santa Barbara for her High School education. I had been driving down twice a year to attend her Parents Weekends over the years so she would feel supported and not as sad at the absence of her Dad. We had, over time, made some very fun rituals out of Parents Weekend. I cooked my Goat Cheese Lasagna, we poured through the old family albums and talked about all the good old days. I thought that my recipe/story could be a good contender in the contest. After work was over, as it was a Friday and I knew that once I arrived at my boyfriend’s house I would forget to write my entry, I quickly wrote it out on my laptop before leaving for the weekend, and submitted it, with fingers crossed. The following Wednesday I received an e-mail from Participant Media, who along with “The Help” also produced “Waiting for Superman”.

“Congratulations!” It began. I had won. I couldn’t believe it. I had never won a contest in my life, and now I was going to be flown to LA, put up in a hotel for two days and get to attend the premiere of the movie adaption of a book that I felt touched me to my very core. And, they wrote, if I received her mother’s permission, I could bring Sierra with me. I didn’t stop jumping up and down for five minutes. I was beyond excited. And the entire trip was only a week away. I stopped jumping. What the hell was I going to wear to a Hollywood premiere?

“Should I wear my prom dress?” Sierra texted me.

“Can I take two and a half days off?” I asked my employers.

The next few days were a flurry of excitement as I overnighted to LA release forms for me and parental consent forms for Sierra so that our names and photographs could be used in promotion of the contest. I tore through my closet looking for a fabulous dress. I bought really expensive shoes. I grew giddy with each update that Jonathan, my contact at Participant Media sent me about the trip. We would be staying at the Thompson Hotel in Beverly Hills. We would be treated to dinner at Spago. We could actually WALK THE RED CARPET at the premiere. It all felt like a fairy tale.

The flight from San Francisco to Los Angels is only an hour, but I had butterflies the entire way. The driver who met me at the airport to take me to the hotel was of course, also an actor. He gave me his business card which actually read, “Voice artist - Driver.” Sierra met me at the hotel, and we checked into an adorable, sleek, cool, modern little room that within minutes we had covered with outfit choices for our big dinner at Spago. We had a little over an hour to groom and change and catch up with each other on all that had happened to each other since our last visit together over Parents Weekend in April. Sierra was just heading into her senior year of high school, and getting ready to apply to colleges. We were still discussing the pros and cons of Bard when we arrived at the restaurant and gave our name to the hostess. She led us to a huge, comfy banquette and smiled warmly at us as she handed us our menus.

“Have a wonderful time,” she said.

I think she knew we were the country bumpkin contest winners. As did our waitress. She poured over our menus with us, suggesting her favorites as well as the signature dishes that Spago was famous for. I ordered the goat cheese and beet cakes (Oh boy!) and the Sonoma Lamb (Oh my God!!) and a sinfully decadent glass of Pinot (Holy Crap!!!) There was no check presented at the end of the meal, only another warm smile and well wishes for us to have fun on the rest of our adventure. I had been briefed by Jonathan that there would be no check and that the gratuity would also be taken care of, but I still slipped two twenties onto the table before we left.

After a brief hangout at the rooftop pool back at our hotel, with a soda for Sierra and another glass of Pinot for me - not bad, but nothing like the wine at Spago - we crawled into our cozy beds back in our room, falling asleep with visions of hollywood premieres dancing in our heads.

We had an appointment the next morning at Participant Media as we actually going to be interviewed for their online blog about the relationship between the nanny and her charge, just like the relationships in “The Help, ” as we were a nanny and her charge, and we had won the contest to see the movie about the nanny and her charge. Jenny, the staff writer set a tape recorder down on the table between us and asked us questions for over an hour. Seriously, it was like therapy.

“Rebecca, have any of the families you’ve worked for ever been really difficult?”
(Uh, YEAH.)

“Sierra, was it strange for you to have an adult have a hand in raising you who was not a parent?”
(Uh, YEAH.)

Afterwards, we cabbed to Melrose for brunch and reflected that being interviewed was totally cool, and that we should definitely go back to the rooftop pool and hang out in the sun until it was time to go to the premiere. We had been walked through the schedule while at Participant Media. We were to arrive at the theatre no later than six thirty to pick up our tickets at will call, and yes, we could walk the red carpet. And yes, we could bring our cameras and have a picture taken. On the red carpet!

“It’s called step and repeat,” we were told.

“Oh yeah,” I said, “Like on reality TV!”

I planned that once inside the Samuel Goldwyn theatre I was going to become a fly on the wall - literally - I was going to glue myself to one good viewing spot and people watch as if it were an olympic sport. Sierra however, being a typical seventeen year old, was positive I was going to humiliate her, and had her own plan to enter the theatre with her head down and scoot to our seats like she was in witness protection, lest I throw myself at Emma Stone screaming my undying love for her. She also wanted to sneak into the theatre around seven. I showed her the email from Disney that reiterated our schedule and she relented. And off we went.

There was a huge crowd in front of the theatre, simply mayhem, with police barriers set up with the cheering fans and paparazzi on one side and the storied red carpet set up on the other, except it wasn’t all open as I had imagined. It was draped with a huge covering, so it looked like a city block long canvas tent. We picked up our tickets - our seats were assigned - and we were waved towards the opening of the long canvas tent. I don’t know how Sierra was feeling, but I was so excited I was having trouble taking deep breaths. As we walked up to the red carpet, we could see camera flashes, and see incredibly thin women dressed in incredibly amazing outfits posing and smiling. I didn’t recognize one of them. Our toes were practically on the red carpet when we both suddenly glanced at each other and shook our heads no, and veered sharply to our left and bypassed the entire circus. It was the best moment of mental telepathy of my entire life thus far. We were the contest winners. Red Carpet? Who were we kidding? We made our grand entrance via side door, and it felt entirely appropriate. In the lobby we ran into one of the producers from Participant Media who asked us if we were having fun, and offered to take our picture, so Sierra and I posed in front of a huge poster for the movie, and then went upstairs, picked a good people watching spot, and looked for movie stars. We were sorely disappointed. We saw several actresses from television shows that we recognized, (Look - it’s that girl from that thing!) but seriously - not one cast member from the movie! The lights were flickering to let us know it was show time and we had yet to see anyone. I even walked incredibly slowly to the ladies room and back in hopes of a star sighting, but nada. We took our seats and I immediately craned my neck to case out the back of the theatre. (We were seated in the second row, stage right. All the way right.)

“I see Sissy Spacek!” I whispered to Sierra.

“Turn around!” She said in her best you-are-embarrassing-me-seventeen-year-old-tone.

“Bryce Dallas Howard just walked in. And she’s pregnant!”

“Stop staring!”

“Everybody is staring,” I pointed out, and it was true. Everyone in the front rows were watching the back of the theatre.

“Mary Steenburgen!” I hissed.

“Oh, God,” Sierra groaned.

Then the movie started, and I was riveted. I was moved. I was laughing. I was crying. I was.... really really hungry. We had only had brunch earlier in the day and in all the excitement of grooming for the premiere, eating had never crossed my mind. Now, at almost ten pm, as the credits began to roll and the audience cheered for their friends and contemporaries my stomach began to growl like a pissed off tiger. I comforted myself with the thought that judging by the less than zero sizes of the majority of the actresses I had seen as we walked in, most likely everyone in that room was very hungry.

“Let’s go downstairs and check out the food!” I said to Sierra.

We had been told that there was to be an after film buffet.

We descended the huge staircase back to what had earlier been the lobby, only now it was totally transformed into an epic Hollywood party. The room had quadrupled in size as they had broken down several walls while we watched the movie, and huge buffets dripping with food lined the perimeter with an enormous one stationed smack dab in the middle of the huge space. Music from the movie soundtrack blasted, and the walls were lined with mannequins wearing the actual costumes from the movie. I looked over the buffets, salivating at the spread of the poached salmon, friend chicken, cornbread, salads and desserts. I spied a wine tent with a huge banner that read “Wolfgang Puck” and let out a little sigh, remembering that unbelievable Pinot from the night before. I nudged Sierra towards the closest buffet.

“Let’s get in line!”

She said, “Actually, we could we, uh, like, leave now?”

I said, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

She said, “It’s just that we don’t know anybody here.”

I said, “of course we don’t know anybody here. It’s a hollywood premiere. Oh look - Jessica Chastian is standing right there!”

And she was. Dressed to the nines with a torso the size of a toddler’s and perfect hair and impeccable makeup. She was a picture of perfect intimidation. I immediately understood exactly why Sierra wanted to leave.

“Twenty minutes.” I said. “One plate of food, I get one glass of wine, we do one lap around the room and then we go. Okay?”

She said, “Can we do that in ten minutes?”

Here’s the thing, I understood exactly how Sierra felt. My teenage intimidation moment was not at a hollywood premiere at seventeen, but at a Long Island Bat Mitzvah at sixteen. I knew very well that adolescent feeling that you just don’t measure up. Of course in my opinion, Sierra at seventeen, almost six feet tall, blonde and a total badass was decades hotter than any size minus starlet could ever hope to be, I could completely comprehend what she was feeling at that moment. So in spite of the fact that Ted Danson was standing right in front of me scoping out the buffet I said, “Let’s go.”

I had won the contest by writing about having Sierra’s best interest in my heart, and I left the party with her best interest in my mind. And I felt totally fine about it, even if I never saw Emma Stone.

Is This You?

2012-01-09T14:15:00.001-05:00

I just saw this disturbing post on another site called UrbanBaby.com. There is a MomBoss who is considering firing her nanny, and I think the nanny deserves to know what her employer thinks of her. Here's the story:

The MB was at a funeral on Sunday, January 8th. The nanny came in to work so her MB could go to said funeral. Part of the nanny's job is to walk the dog (an old black lab/shepherd mix). The nanny went to put the leash on the dog to take it outside, and the dog bit her. The nanny cleaned herself up and took the dog out, but when the MB returned home, the nanny told her about it and said she would no longer be able to walk the dog. The MB doesn't think she should do anything to make sure her dog is not a danger (even to her own children!). She doesn't think it's the dog's fault. She is planning to fire the nanny if the nanny will not walk the dog any longer. She also speaks very rudely to the other posters when they tell her how out-of-line she is, and demonstrates how little she thinks of nannies. Her words and attitudes are extremely telling.

If this is your MB, you deserve a MUCH better work environment!!

Holiday Bonus Feature 2011 Part II

2012-01-08T07:47:00.003-05:00

Bonus this year (2011): 0 dollar bonus
Weekly salary: 640 before tax
Supplementary gifts: Pandora charms (2 charms, one representing each child), 50 dollar iTunes gift card (super sweet because I just got an iPhone), 65 dollars to my nail salon (I get my nails done biweekly), some candy and a gorgeous picture of my babies.
Length of time I have worked for family: 10 months.
Location: Western north carolina
Comments: My family is amazing. They treat me so well and just generally care about me. I had only been with them for a month and they bought me a nook color for my birthday. They found out I needed some maintenance on my car and they offered me (without me asking) to advance me the money for it and will not deduct it all at once from my upcoming checks, choosing to deduct small amounts from the next 3 months. I have worked for families who have been difficult to work for, and this family is not like that. They are so wonderful and I am so lucky.
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Bonus this year (2011): $4000
Weekly salary: $1550 net for 50 hours + overtime.
Supplementary gifts: Baking equipment.
Length of time I have worked for family: 2 years 10 months.
Location: Manhattan, NYC, NY
Comments: Very thoughtful additional gifts; my employers know what I like to do in my spare time.
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Bonus this year (2011): I received a $1,000 Christmas bonus.
Weekly salary: I get paid $15/hr about 30-40 hrs/wk and take care of 3 boys.
Supplementary gifts: I also received these cool gloves that have a special finger tip so I can be on my iPhone and these wonderful pjs. Both gifts were very heartfelt especially since the 6 yr old picked out the pjs and I couldn't have made a better choice.
Length of time I have worked for family: I've been with the family for a year and a half.
Location: They live in Greenwich Ct.
Comments: I received the pjs first and the gloves and my bonus in their adorable christmas card the following day. I was pretty shocked. I've had a crazy year and a lot of personal/family emergencies but I love my job and I love the kids so I was so grateful and felt so incredibly appreciated, I almost cried. Happy holidays everyone!
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Bonus this year (2011): $1500 before taxes
Weekly salary: $750
Supplementary gifts: A sweet card "from" my charge.
Length of time I have worked for family: 11 months.
Location: Atlanta, GA
Comments: I am one of those odd nannies who has chosen not to have a bonus requirement in my contract and I also don't plan my budget around bonuses. I think they're terrific to receive, and I am always pleased with whatever I get from employers at the holidays, since I don't set my expectations so high that I am then crushed to get "only" a card, a gift or two, and a small check. But, all that said, I am SO thrilled and happy to have gotten such a generous gift from my bosses. I love working for them, adore my charge, and feel glad that I have, once again, found a truly good family to work for.
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Bonus this year (2011): $6000.00
Weekly salary: $1450.00/45hrs/2 kids
Supplementary gifts: iPod touch, various gift certificates (Starbucks, my fav!, Nordstrom, Barnes & Noble)
Length of time I have worked for family: 3yrs
Location: NY, US
Comments: I know I'm blessed to have a family that cares so much and appreciates what I do. This was definitely more than I ever expected to receive and am still in awe!
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Bonus this year (2011): $1500
Weekly salary: $600 (before taxes)
Supplementary gifts: A great new camera and an amazing stocking stuffed with perfume, beauty products, a $100 Amex giftcard, itunes giftcard, etc.
Length of time I have worked for family: over 4 years.
Location: NYC metro area.
Comments: So very thankful for their generosity!
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Bonus this year (2011): $200
Weekly salary: $510 before taxes, going up to $637 in Jan.
Supplementary gifts: a nice box of chocolates, 2 well-chosen books, a gift card to my daily coffee stop from the kids, nice moisturizer from their grandmother, cards from parents and kids, and a raise :)
Length of time I have worked for family: a year in Jan.
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Comments: I wasn't expecting anything, and have been feeling a little unappreciated at work. Their thoughtful gifts are much appreciated.
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Bonus this year (2011): $500
Weekly salary: $500 (30 hours/week)
Supplementary gifts: a little ornament "from" the baby.
Length of time I have worked for family: I have worked for this family since April 2011.
Location: Manhattan Beach, CA
Comments: I was very happy with my bonus, as I was unsure if I would receive one. A month ago, I told them I was leaving after the new year to work for a new family (they've known that I've needed more hours for a while now.. I had been working 50 and they cut me down to 30 with little notice). It was fine and they understood, but I still felt really bad so was unsure if I would receive a bonus, especially since my last day was a week before Christmas.
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Bonus this year (2011): nothing, although the parents both bragged about their $1500 bonuses (each! They work for the same company.)
Weekly salary: $250 for 50 hours; I am paid for any sick days when they go on vacation as well as all holidays.
Supplementary gifts: none.
Length of time I have worked for family: 6 months.
Location: Kentucky
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Bonus this year (2011): $170 (weeks pay)
Supplementary gifts: nice box of candy.
Length of time I have worked for family: worked for family for 1 year.
Location: greenwich, ct
Comments: this is a very part time position.
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Bonus this year (2011): $400 bonus for our PT nanny (1day/week)(8hrs)
Our Nanny's weekly salary: $120; will be raised to $130 starting Jan 2012.
Supplementary gifts: collapsible tupperware set (good for travel) and $20 dunkin donuts giftcard.
Length of time our Nanny has worked for family: nanny has been with us almost one year.
Location: NY, NY (upper west side)
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Bonus this year (2011): $500 cash
Weekly salary: $880
Supplementary gifts: items for our upcoming beach vacation, a very nice bottle of wine, two very special cookbooks.
Length of time I have worked for family: 3 years.
Location: Denver, CO
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Bonus this year (2011): $500
Weekly salary: $650
Supplementary gifts: They paid for my plane tickets to go home for Christmas, new UGG boots, perfume, gift certificate for indoor skydiving, Bridesmaids DVD.
Length of time I have worked for family: 6 months.
Location: Pinehurst, North Carolina
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Bonus this year (2011): $2040.15 (3 weeks salary)
Weekly salary: $900 before taxes, take home $680.15
Supplementary gifts: package of classes for Hot Yoga, package of classes for Pilates, movie tickets, candle.
Length of time I have worked for family: 16 months.
Location: Wheaton, IL, USA
Comments: I work close to 60 hours a week with 4 kids; it's crazy but I love doing it, and the parents are amazing to work for! They gift me throughout the year with bonuses and packages of classes like the Pilates studio one (my Momboss and I often go to classes there together).
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Bonus this year (2011): $20
Weekly salary: $250 a week
Supplementary gifts: none.
Length of time I have worked for family: Worked for family 3.5 months caring for their infant twins part time.
Location: Mass., south of Boston.
Comments: Don’t know if it counts but I received a Merry Christmas call from a previous family. It was a surprise and brightened my day a little.
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Bonus this year (2011): none.
Weekly salary: at least $450, more with more hours.
Supplementary gifts: Yes, a whole huge bag, with a nice card, two of Supernanny's books, a fuzzy blanket, a thermos with two packs of hot cocoa in it, a box of peppermint bark and three mini cupcakes.
Length of time I have worked for family: Nearly 5 months.
Location: Well, I work in Durham, North Carolina, USA, but I currently live in a town north of there.
Comments: They are the best bosses ever, very nice and thoughtful. The huge gift bag was very generous and they listened and saw what I liked and remembered.
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Bonus this year (2011): $500 bonus
Weekly salary: $500 for 30 hours.
Supplementary gifts: huge gift basket from Lush.
Length of time I have worked for family: I've worked for the family for 4 years now.
Location: suburbs outside of Washington, D.C.
Comments: I'm very happy with my holiday bonus/gift this year!
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Bonus this year (2011): $40
Weekly salary: around $200
Supplementary gifts: No gift.
Length of time I have worked for family: Worked for family last year for 3 months, was unable to work 6 months due to school, have been back with them since June of this year.
Location: small town in the south, population ~5000.
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Bonus this year (2011): none.
Weekly salary: $600 (before taxes)
Supplementary gifts: $50 gift card to Trader Joe's, $50 gift card to Target.
Length of time I have worked for family: 1 year.
Location: Minnetonka, MN, USA
Comments: DB also pays half of my health insurance and I get 55¢ per mile I drive. I was glad to get the gift cards, as I thought they would give me nothing, but a cash bonus would have been preferred as we need the money for infertility treatment.
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Bonus this year (2011): job 1: 50$ job 2: 140$
Weekly salary: job 1: 380$ (30 hours weekly) job 2: 100$ weekly (approx 10 hours a week)
Supplementary gifts: no other supplemental gifts.
Length of time I have worked for family: length of time at job 1: 2 months job 2: year and 4 months.
Location: Main Line area outside Philadelphia PA
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Bonus this year (2011): $3000.00
Weekly salary: $1200.00 for 42 hours
Length of time I have worked for family: just over a year.
Location: NY, NY
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Bonus this year (2011): Family 1: none. Family 2: Check for 425
Weekly salary: Family 1: Weekly salary of 700 for 4 days a week...pd 52 weeks a year with 4 to 6 weeks off. Family 2: I work about 15 hours a week at 18 an hr.
Supplementary gifts: Family 1: a nanny vehicle and a 100 Starbucks card and a pair of boots I had admired of the mom I work for..they cost 440.
Comments: I am treated so well. I am truly blessed to be working with such kind and wonderful families.
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Bonus this year (2011): $100 cash
Weekly salary: $600 a week for 40 hours.
Supplementary gifts: Cooking supplies from William Sonoma and a nice card
Length of time I have worked for family: Since June 2010.
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Comments: Not much to say...Kind of suprised.
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Bonus this year (2011): 1000
Weekly salary: 875
Supplementary gifts: purse.
Length of time I have worked for family: 2 years
Location: new york city
Comments: satisfied.
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Bonus this year (2011): half week's salary for a nanny who has been with us half a year. We go up to a full week after the first full year.
Our Nanny's weekly salary: $750 for 50 hours a week.
Supplementary gifts: Gift was personal; nicely bound book of the kids that cost $75.
Length of time our Nanny has worked for family: 6 months.
Location: tri-state (NY)
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Bonus this year (2011): $200
Weekly salary: $700
Supplementary gifts: none.
Length of time I have worked for family: 14 months.
Location: Charlotte, VT, USA
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Bonus this year (2011): $250
Weekly salary: $495 / $11 hr
Supplementary gifts: Toiletries set & Wine Glass.
Length of time I have worked for family: 2 1/2 years.
Location: Orlando, FL
Comments: I absolutely love the family I work for!! Little C is a sweet heart and his parents are very nice people : ) MB takes us out to lunch at least once a week and their home is my home. I’m Live-Out and work 45 + hours a week. I was hoping for a weeks pay bonus but I’m grateful for what they gave me.
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Bonus this year (2011): $50
Weekly salary: $250
Supplementary gifts: nothing. nada. zilch.
Length of time I have worked for family: 16 months.
Comments: I can't wait to find another job! This economy sucks.
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Bonus this year (2011): $750
Weekly salary: $800
Supplementary gifts: some delicious honeys for tasting with nice cheeses.
Length of time I have worked for family: just complete my third year.
Location: Cambridge, MA
Comments: So blessed to be starting my fourth year with this wonderful family. We have a great relationship with excellent communication and they are extremely supportive. Looking forward to seeing what 2012 has in store!
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Bonus this year (2011): $650
Weekly salary: $625 for four days with one baby.
Supplementary gifts: No.
Length of time I have worked for family: Less than two months.
Location: Fairfield County, Connecticut
Comments: I honestly wasn't expecting anything just because of the short amount of time it's been since I started. I've had a few longterm and temporary positions over the last few years and this is by far the best situation I've been in. Absolutely don't feel overworked and definitely feel appreciated which I've learned, isn't something to be expected! =)
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Bonus this year (2011): $600 plus a week off with pay.
Weekly salary: $600
Supplementary gifts: cookbook for me, gifts for my daughter that added up to probably at least another $100.
Length of time I have worked for family: almost 6 months.
Location: Redmond, WA USA
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Bonus this year (2011): $4000
Weekly salary: 1000, about 35 per hour.
Supplementary gifts: nothing.
Length of time I have worked for family: 5 years.
Location: Outside NYC
Comments: Glad to get it, long time in this weird situation.
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Bonus this year (2011): $200
Weekly salary: $760
Supplementary gifts: A nylon Marc Jacobs bag, retails
around $200.
Length of time I have worked for family: 2.5 years.
Location: Boston, MA
Comments: The past two previous years they have given me a gift priced around $300 and a bonus of $500. Everyone is hurting from the economy this year I guess.
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Bonus this year (2011): $3,000.
Weekly salary: $1,200.
Supplementary gifts: I received a high end camera and theatre tickets from the parents. The children asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told them I wanted them to make me something. From the 10 yo budding artist who loves to paint, a framed painting of my cat. It is a caricature (unintentionally) and quite whimsical and funny. I love it. The younger 3 made clay tree ornaments. I think MB helped here. Their names are on the backs of the ornaments, so when they have outgrown the nanny years, I will have these reminders of them every year when I trim my tree. They also each made a card with a gift card enclosed, Starbucks, Barnes&Noble, Michaels, Modells.
Length of time I have worked for family: I have been with this family for ten years.
Location: Located in NYC
Comments: I really appreciate the salary and bonuses in this economy, and treasure the cards and handmade gifts, but even more importantly I wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work and seeing my cares. I am so lucky to have a job I love with a wonderful family.
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Bonus this year (2011): $1000
Our Nanny's Weekly salary: $550
Supplementary gifts: little things from kids (ornament, cookies)
Length of time our Nanny has worked for family: 2.5 years
Location: Chicago IL (USA)

The Feral Child

2012-01-08T07:10:00.010-05:00

LEBANON, Tenn. - The St. Petersburg Times originally shared Dani's story in August 2008, in an article called "The Girl in the Window."

Detectives had discovered her in a Plant City home in July 2005, when she was almost 7. She was curled in a tiny, roach-infested room, covered with her own feces, unable to speak or make eye contact, afraid to be held. A child protection officer had raced her to Tampa General Hospital. Dani weighed 46 pounds.

Investigators determined she had been left alone, in that dark, filthy space, for most of her life. They called Dani a "feral child," like Tarzan or the wolf boy.

Police charged Dani's mother with child neglect. A judge terminated her parental rights, sentenced her to community service and two years of house arrest.

In 2007, Bernie and Diane Lierow, then of Fort Myers, saw Dani's photo in a gallery of Tampa Bay area children available for adoption. The Times story told of how the couple were drawn to her dark, vacant eyes.

Three Years Later: The Girl in the Window

Photo Gallery: Then and Now

Photo Gallery: Dani

Original Story and Comments on ISYN
_______________________________________________________
A very special thank you to MissDee for contributing this Article.

Trusted Nanny Now Neglects Her Charges

2012-01-08T05:09:00.004-05:00

I just realized in this past week that we have to fire our nanny who has been with our 3 year old son since he was 6 months old. We have a new baby now and I am worried about the safety of my kids. We always knew that the nanny had her phone with her a lot, but we did not know how much she was on it until recently when we checked our home network logs for her use. It is almost every moment that one of the parents is not present (and sometimes even when we are present). Much of it is texting and internet use. Now that we have two kids, this is not only neglectful and not doing her job, it's dangerous for the baby when the baby is unsupervised and when the kids are together unsupervised.

My son acts up when he is completely ignored and the nanny does not even attempt decent discipline (in spite of talks with her and her supposedly reading my favorite discipline guide). One day recently when working from home, I listened in and heard my son acting up because the nanny was texting. She threatened time outs for a few minutes, then put him in time out for about 7 minutes, then took him to another room for another time out after that (he had not continued to misbehave).

I also recently viewed two days (15-20 hours) of the nanny with the kids (without her knowledge). In the video, I saw her pick my three year old up and throw him hard on the couch - his transgression was not clear from the video, though he had interrupted her texting. On the same day, the baby was crying and the nanny wasn't doing much to comfort her - just bouncing the baby on her lap and then laying the baby down flat on her lap, which only made the baby cry harder. The next day, the baby was crying (probably from being ignored - the baby is a very happy baby and just loves being talked to and played with, but gets fussy when bored) and the nanny just kept moving the baby from place to place without talking or interacting. Eventually, she picked the baby up and held the baby on her lap, then dangled the baby with the baby's feet on the floor (the baby can sort of stand with body support, but the nanny was holding the baby's hands and the baby was pivoting around at the shoulders, which looked like it could hurt). Then, the nanny put the baby down on the floor where the baby continued to scream. Then came the next serious offense: she went to get the baby carrier and tried to put the baby in it and after not being able to figure out the carrier, literally tossed the baby onto the couch - hard. The couch is soft and the baby did not fall off of the couch, but I think that is the worst thing I have ever seen as a parent (watching my son trip and hit his head comes close, but at least that was an accident).

Clearly, the nanny has to go and soon. My heart is just broken, especially since she has been with us for so long. It makes me sick that in the course of two days (the only time I have ever watched her without her knowing), she literally threw both of my children. She used to seem to really care for our son, but now I don't know if even that was all just an act. I hope she just got burned out on the job (which I know is hard) more recently and wasn't always like this. I hope my son copes ok - I think he will since he has told me (unprompted) that it makes him sad when the nanny doesn't play with him. I know he will be better off without her. I never thought this would happen to us, especially with how great she seemed before.

I would love advice on how to fire her, what to be careful about and any other thoughts - both from nannies and from parents. We do not have a formal contract with her. I'm a little nervous about retaliation, even though I would not have thought she was capable of that before I saw her tossing my kids around. I have plenty of proof of her actions - a few weeks of internet use logs on our home network and recorded video (no audio) with the child throwing incident on it. I guess you just never know people...

Dedicated Thread to Thrashing

2012-01-08T05:07:00.001-05:00

I am wondering if there is a way to tell the people who have made themselves the grammar and spelling police to stick to the topic. I am so sick of the same people being nasty to the posters and not having any advice other than to learn how to write.

Holiday Bonus Feature 2011 Part I

2012-01-05T02:00:00.007-05:00

Bonus this year (2011): $1500
Weekly salary: $804 gross
Supplementary gifts: Received a new BlackBerry Bold from my two oldest charges, a pair of SpongeBob house shoes from the baby, a $50 Amazon gift card from the children’s uncle, and $100 cash from the grandparents.
Length of time I have worked for family: 5 months as a full time live-in.
Location: Dallas, Texas
Comments: I also received $450 in miscellaneous gift cards from two previous employers and five neighborhood families whose children I babysit occasionally throughout the year. Additionally, I received a free breakfast at a nice restaurant and $200 cash from a third previous employer.
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Bonus this year (2011): 2 extra weeks of paid vacation.
Weekly salary: $700/wk - 40 hours, plus overtime. 1 preschooler, 1 school aged child.
Supplementary gifts: ipad, gifts when they go on vacation, a christmas tree, house warming gift when I moved into my new apartment, they leave me money to go out to breakfast/lunch/dinner and get treats with my charges, magazine subscription to my favorite magazine, Roku, some extra cash when I go on vacation so I can spoil myself a bit, and help with healthcare coverage.
Length of time I have worked for family: 4 years.
Comments: I am so grateful for the amazing family I work for. The respect, thoughtfulness and kindness they show me is extraordinary and the sweet and thoughtful gifts they have given me are the icing on the cake. I try to show my gratitude by taking awesome care of their children. I feel so lucky to always love going to work!
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Bonus this year (2011): $500.00
Weekly salary: $330.00 after taxes.
Supplementary gifts: Likely, but not until closer to Christmas, bonus was given Dec. 1st.
Length of time I have worked for family: 1+ year.
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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Bonus this year (2011): $0
Weekly salary: $150.00
Supplementary gifts: Probably not.
Length of time I have worked for family: Since July 2011.
Location: San Diego, California
Comments: I work for my sister, I watch my nephew full time. 40-50 hours a week. She cant afford much. I really do it as a favor to her and I get to spend time with the best baby ever! I also watch a former charge when he is off school. Not sure if I will get anything this year from them.
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Bonus last year (2010): $1000.00 & 15 paid days off during the holiday season... I am expecting around the same this year, days off have already been alotted.
Weekly salary: $700.00 approx/week for one child.
Supplementary gifts: paid days off.
Length of time I have worked for family: 2 years (+)
Location: ONT, Canada
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Bonus this year (2011): It's usually 1 weeks pay, around $1,600 - $1,800.
Weekly salary: $1,600 - $1,800.
Supplementary gifts: This year I will be getting a gas card since MB doesn't want us using the T too often, the kids both make me something, plus buy me a box of Lorna Doones!
Length of time I have worked for family: 7 years.
Location: I live in Natick MA, US. I work in Needham MA
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Bonus this year (2011): $575
Weekly salary: $575 for 42-55 hrs week (so I got a bonus check basically)
Supplementary gifts: No other gifts/bonus.
Length of time I have worked for family: I've worked for them 5 months caring for a 2 yo and a 7 yo.
Comments: Been in the childcare biz for 3 yrs (including 1 yr as a PreK teacher).
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Bonus this year (2011): $1,000
Weekly salary: I work 9-5 M-Thu for 2 girls (3 & 1). My take home pay is
$500 not including the taxes & gas stipend of $40 dollars a week.
Supplementary gifts: A gold Coach purse, a $100 Starbucks card, a 20 lb Jennie-O Premium turkey for my family Christmas dinner & the family ornament. (A very prominent family in my city and they make ornaments to give out to all their workers).
Length of time I have worked for family: 3 years & 3 months.
Location: San Antonio, Tx USA
Comments: This is my 4th Christmas with the family and every year I never expect anything cause I'm very well taken care of during the year. A week before the 1 year olds birthday my MB broke her ankle and my hours and responsibilities changed considerably. Its been about 4 months of early mornings, late evenings & happily driving MB and the 2 girls to activities and work. I am not complaining and was happy to help as needed and will really miss my new routine in the new year when my old routine comes back. I'm very privileged and loved by this family and I love them too.
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Bonus this year (2011): $550
Weekly salary: $13/hr comes to about $525/week.
Supplementary gifts: a tin of homemade fudge!
Length of time I have worked for family: about 2 years.
Location: Texas
Comments: This is my second Christmas with them, and my bonus is $50 more than last year. I don't get a lot of benefits or flashy gifts, but they have been very supportive - and they also gave me $250 for my birthday a few months ago! I spent about $150 on the whole family, and will have the first week of January off.
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Bonus this year (2011): $500 cash.
Supplementary gifts: coco chanel purse.
Location: Maryland
Comments: nanny for three year old and eighteen month old twins.
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Bonus this year (2011): $500
Our Nanny's weekly salary: Our nanny's weekly salary is $300 net after room and board.
Supplementary gifts: $130 hair salon gift certificate (enough for a cut and colour), Crabtree & Evelyn travel toiletries set.
Length of time our Nanny has worked for family: four months.
Location: Toronto, Canada
Comments: Our nanny has not been with us long but she quickly became one of the family and was particularly helpful when my husband was ill recently. We are so grateful to have such a wonderful person looking after our children and sharing our home!
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Bonus this year (2011): $0
Weekly salary: $560 before taxes, $480 after.
Supplementary gifts: 5 bags of Teavana tea, my favorite store and my favorite kind! A really sweet gesture, shows mom was really listening to me :). Also got some homemade Christmas cookies and a family photo card.
Length of time I have worked for family: 2 1/2 weeks.
Location: Boulder, Colorado
Comments: The family I work for is so so sweet and they really go above and beyond for me. I definitely was not expecting a bonus after 2.5 weeks and the tea was such a nice present!
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Bonus this year (2011): nothing.
Weekly salary: $910.00 full time nanny share.
Supplementary gifts: $100 gift card to amazon from family #1, $100 cash and photo of baby from family #2.
Length of time I have worked for family: Family #1: 2.7 years, Family #2: 1 year.
Location: Boston, MA
Comments: Never expected a bonus from either family especially family #1 since they have never offered me one in the past.
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Bonus this year (2011): Family A (work around 20hrs/week) - $200 Family B (work 4-8hrs/week) - $100
Weekly salary: Family A - $13/hr. Family B - $13/hr.
Supplementary gifts: Family A - I got a cocktail shaker off my wedding registry. Family B - A box of Sees chocolates.
Length of time I have worked for family: Family A - 2 years. Family B - 1 year.
Location: Orange County, CA
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Bonus this year (2011): $250
Weekly salary: $250 (part time, live-out)
Supplementary gifts: a $100 gift card to a Salon and Spa and some lotion.
Length of time I have worked for family: 4.5 months.
Location: Seattle, WA
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Bonus this year (2011): $150
Weekly salary: $10.00 an hour, 35-40 hours a week.
Supplementary gifts: I received a hand-written heart-felt card telling me how wonderful they thought I was and how much I was appreciated. I got a nice card from my charges - ages: 2yrs and 6mths.
Length of time I have worked for family: Exactly 2 months.
Location: Commerce, Michigan
Comments: I have only been with this family for a short time. But they are wonderful, caring people. We get along great and my charges couldn't been any sweeter. I am very lucky to FINALLY find a loving family. I know I will be there for years to come.
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Bonus this year (2011): $150
Weekly salary: $490 after taxes, 32 hours/wk.
Supplementary gifts: A Kindle Fire, Christmas Ornament from the kids.
Length of time I have worked for family: 6 months.
Location: Birmingham, Michigan, US
Comments: Loved the present! They were very thoughtful and i'm so happy to be working with them!
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Bonus this year (2011): $100
Weekly salary: $500
Supplementary gifts: candle set, macy's gift card.
Length of time I have worked for family: 10mo.
Location: N.C.
Comments: 2 kids, I work so hard and had kind of expected more of a bonus but they're a nice family.
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Bonus this year (2011): $1700
Our Nanny's weekly salary: $850
Supplementary gifts: small $10-20 gifts from all 3 kids and about $50 gift from us.
Length of time our Nanny has worked for family: Our nanny has been with us for four years.
Location: Manhattan
Comments: As an aside, we are moving so our nanny is also ending her employment with us during this holiday season. We are giving 4 weeks salary (one week per year of employment) as severance. We also gave our nanny 4-6 weeks notice which is as much as we had. I also posted for her in several places, including the $75 for babybitesnyc and have helped her find a new job.
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Bonus this year (2011): $2000
Weekly salary: $700 (FT)
Supplementary gifts: 2 tops from my favorite store, giftcard for the movies (not sure of the amount)
Length of time I have worked for family: almost 2 years.
Location: Los Angeles
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Bonus this year (2011): No cash bonus
Weekly salary: $250 - 15 hour work week.
Length of time I have worked for family: 4 years and 4 months.
Location: Houston, TX USA
Comments: My employers took me out for lunch (never did that before), and gave me a card with basketball tickets! I am a sports fan but have never gone to a professional game so it was a super sweet surprise! I also received 2 weeks off paid holiday as I have the past four years. I work for an absolutely wonderful family. I have never been given bonuses, but they have been generous in so many ways that make me appreciate how fortunate I am. For example, I never ever have to worry that I will not be paid 52 weeks a year, and have received time off paid between 6-12 weeks each year. I also received 3 gift cards and makeup from a couple of other families who I sit for as needed. Overall, I am truly just appreciative and feel very blessed to work with very wonderful people :)
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Bonus this year (2011): $0
Weekly salary: $375
Supplementary gifts: A $50 gift card to a local movie theater. Oh, and you know those bath sets everyone gets for Christmas and no one actually likes? MB got one from a neighbor, left it on the kitchen counter for a week, and then gave me one of the lotions with my gift card. . . . Yay.
Length of time I have worked for family: Only since mid-July.
Location: Winston Salem, NC
Comments: I don't want to sound bratty. I know I've only been with this particular family since the middle of the summer. I wasn't expecting anywhere near my normal bonus (which has always been a full weeks pay in the past 5.5 years I've been a professional Nanny). I definitely thought I'd get about a hundred bucks though. Especially when MB kept emailing me links to $300 doll houses when she was trying to decide on what to get her 3 year old. I hate that I sound so bratty, but I work long hours, I'm underpaid,** never** paid on time, and even though I'm told weekly how much they appreciate me it's moments like this when I feel completely unappreciated.
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Bonus this year (2011): $0
Weekly salary: $25-40 a week.
Supplementary gifts: none.
Length of time I have worked for family: 3 months.
Location: Sun Prairie, WI
Comments: Technically I am not a nanny, but a babysitter, although I consider myself a nanny, not a babysitter. I did expect a little something, but I am OK with not getting anything. If I worked FT or more hours as a nanny, and didn't get anything, I may have a different view. I also work in a childcare center and received very nice gifts from some of the children in my after school program: Victoria' Secret gift set, a keepsake ornament, Target gift card, a homemade bird feeder, Bath and Body works lotion, vodka, and Peanuts collectible figurine. (I am obsessed with Snoopy.) Although I didn't get the gifts other nannies received (thinking back to past holiday surveys where nannies got cars, gas cards, a wallet full of gift cards, furniture for a new apartment and generous cash bonuses) I am grateful for A and her family. Mom is great and we get along very well. Other teachers at my childcare center may have received more gifts, but I am OK with that. I feel blessed to have my job because my boss is amazing and has gone out of her way for me numerous times in the three years I have been there. The children in the center, along with those in the after-school program are amazing, as are their families. They mean the world to me and the best gift I could get is what I receive year round: the love of the children and the appreciation expressed throughout the year.
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Bonus this year (2011): $350, which I truly did not expect and am incredibly grateful for.
Weekly salary: $675 for less than 40 hours a week.
Supplementary gifts: substantial gift cards to Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, and Bloomingdale's. I also got socks and slippers from the cats and a beautiful photo of my little baby girls.
Length of time I have worked for family: a little over a month.
Comments: As an educated, experienced, "top notch" career nanny I was very much used to getting the best of everything including crazy gifts (laptops, vacations) and insane bonuses (up to $5,000) but last year I left my job and it took until last month to filter out the psychos (surviving on temp. and short time nanny gigs) and finally find a family that worked for me. As I just started the job and the economy is in the toilet I expected very little. I used to make $2000 per week but I am SO grateful for the job, the stability, and the money. I needed to suffer in order to be humble, and I did, and I am a different person. Kinder, wiser. Not so entitled. I would have been appalled at the "lack" of money from this bonus a few years ago, but now I think it is SO GENEROUS and I am SO GRATEFUL to have such generous, caring bosses who share so much. I am blessed.

Growing with At-Home Learning

2012-01-05T01:00:00.003-05:00

Hi, I'm a NYC nanny seeking recommendations of any preschool at-home learning program I can implement with my charge. She goes to a few hours of school per week, but her parents feel she's capable of much more growth... as do I. I'm not looking for classes or schools, just materials I can order or download and then implement on her/my own schedule. Thanks in advance for any recommendations!

What to Wear for the Nanny Share?

2012-01-04T08:05:00.001-05:00

I have just got an offer for a job in NYC. I live in NC and would be a LI nanny while there. Another nanny are going to share the job. The family is very well off and are going to fly us both backhand forth. I am a teacher for the let 15 years and am ready for a huge change. My children and older and do not need me as much. The family I will be working with has 3 little girls. 4, 2 and NB. I will be moving in March. My question is what do I wear around the house? am I expected to join the family all the time. I will be in NYC for 14 days and them come home and the other nanny will come for 14 days. I have never lived in anyones house before. I am a bit nervous. any help will be helpful. Thank you. New, NYC nanny

W.W. II

2012-01-04T08:02:00.001-05:00

I am the poster of “Picking Battles is Causing a War for this Nanny” and I have another question. First off, everything has settled down and gone back to normal, and I am hoping that MB was just having a bad day. When I was offered the job I agreed to one night a week babysitting, pay for which would be included in my monthly wage. More recently MB has been asking me to babysit during the day, a few hours here a few hours there, fine. But now she has asked me to babysit this coming Sunday from 12pm-6pm. I feel that this is unfair and is practically a whole days work. Would it be unfair of me to ask for additional pay or a day off during the week? How would I go about asking?

ISYN Readers Will Set This One Straight...

2012-01-02T13:07:00.003-05:00

I had a similar experience like the lady from Cyprus. We live in a suburb of Toronto, Canada and we also had a terrible experience with a Filipino nanny who used us to get to Canada only to leave after a few weeks to be closer to her aunt in Regina. We paid for her airplane ticket, hiring fees, and temporary insurance which came almost to $4000. We called our local Canada Immigration office who advised us to file a complaint which we did. In the meantime, we have no nanny in place and have lost a large amount of money. By speaking to friends and co-workers, this seems to be very common with Filipino nannies. We are now trying to find an alternate choice, we will never hire another Filipino nanny again. Please post my story to prevent this happening to other Canadian families.

Negotiating a Fair Nanny Share

2012-01-02T12:38:00.003-05:00

Hi! Hoping your readers will have some good advice for me about a salary structure for a nanny share we are considering.

I have an almost 3 year old and a 15 month old. The other family has an almost 4 year old and a 13 month old. My 3 year old goes to "school" 2 mornings per week for 2 hours. The 4 year old goes to school 3 mornings per week for 3 hours.

We live about 10 minutes from the other family and thought we'd trade off. The other family are friends who currently use a nanny but she will be leaving in early March, so timing is good. We need about 42 hours/week of childcare (M-F). The other family needs slightly more, but might be able to make it work in 42 hrs.

The nanny is our current nanny who my kids love and has been with us for 8 months. We pay her $18/hr but have it structured like a salary, so she gets paid the same amount even if we are home early or the kids are sick, etc. She doesn't have a ton of nanny experience, but is a great caregiver. I think she's very capable of handling all 4 kids.

She wanted to do the share to make more money. We thought it would be good socialization for the kids and could save us money as well. But....

She would like to charge us $16/hr each family for hours she has all 4 kids. For hours she only has 2 or 3 kids (when older kids at school), she wants to charge $17/hr each family. This seems astronomical. She would be making $32-34 per hour??? I know it's 4 kids, but that's a lot of money! I want to be fair, but this doesn't really save us any money and by the time we are driving to the other family's house to pick up our kids half the time... it's a wash. If it was just about socialization, we could do a daycare for far less money.

I tried searching for nanny share salary suggestions but I didn't find much info for so many kids. Any ideas? And how to approach now with the nanny who has these hopes/expectations of making $30+ per hour? I was thinking of offering a flat $14/hr per family regardless if 2, 3, or 4 kids at a time. So she'd make $28/hr. The other family wants us to do the negotiating since she was our nanny first but is more or less on-board for anything less than $15/hr.

If she rejects this... what then? We will have a potentially disgruntled nanny on our hands. I'm starting to regret going down this road...

Live-ins Need to Create Boundaries to Avoid Being Built-ins

2012-01-02T12:23:00.004-05:00

I wasn't sure where to go for advice because my other nanny friends have different job situations...so I figured this was a good place to ask. I am a live-in nanny, and I work 55 hours a week. My pay is very fair and the family is extremely good to me. I really love my job, and have NO complaints except for the fact that I have a hard time separating myself from the job BECAUSE I live in. I have weekends off unless they decide to go out, so I am free to do as I please, however I can't help but feel like I am always 'on call'. I often spend time with my nanny family even off the clock because we get along so well, but I am wondering if I should create a bit more boundaries? I don't necessarily think they take advantage of me-or they are definitely not aware of the fact that they might. I just feel like since I live with them and am around all the time, I am just a built in sitter, even after a 12 or 13 hour work day. My DB also was talking to one of his friends saying how convenient it was to have a live in because I am always around. Anyway I just wanted to know if anyone was in a similar situation and had any advice for me? I'm not sure this is even anything to talk about with my bosses but I just wanted some fellow nanny insight!

Nevada Nanny Reflects on Possible Prospects

2012-01-02T12:20:00.000-05:00

I'm a student, struggling young adult when it comes to keeping up with school + rent and necessities all by myself without help of parents like most. I started this this nanny thing, as a live in nanny.. but i also clean the house (kitchen, her room, living room and laundry sometimes) plus watching the child who is very bad and you cant keep an eye off her for 2 seconds, she's 2. I get paid 200 a week, 40 if i work over night one day, plus food of my choice.

I'm a very humble spirit, I've been reading these posts and some of you get paid 300 to 700 a week. I'm like wow! I think i'm too humble :\, my boyfriend said they're cheating me of pay because i clean too, plus i feel like i'm walking on egg shells with the mom all the time. Oh well, I'm not on contract but i have 4 months left, then i would look for somewhere to rent with the money i made, and some work back in Florida. I'm a Nanny all the way in Nevada. I wish there was a Nanny offer in south Florida, that would be awesome.

How Should Nanny Approach VP MB for a Raise?

2012-01-02T12:19:00.001-05:00

I have been a full time (live-out) nanny for a family with two boys (1 and 3 1/2 years old) for a little over a year. I love the family I work for and have done a lot for them over the last year! The mom is gone on business trips on average 3 weeks out of the month and I've taken care of her 10 week premature baby since he's been home from the hospital. I'm also a college graduate with two degrees (Architecture and Fine Arts), but with the job market the way it is, I've enjoyed nannying to make my income.

Last Christmas I had received a $100 dollar bonus after only working for the family a little over a month. This year, the family decided to take a vacation the week before Christmas so I had the week off. It was nice having a week off but it also meant no paycheck. The day before their vacation we exchanged gifts. I had bought both boys and the parents gifts. I didn't spend a lot of money but all the gifts had some sort of reason behind them ie, I bought the parents a nice bag of ground coffee because they always have a cup waiting for me in the morning. When it was my turn to open my gift, it was a $20 dollar run of the mill bath set, bath gel, loofa and lotion and the card had the a "note" from the kids which was cute, but no note from them. Even a card with "thank you for everything you do for us" would have been better than the gift. Not only did I not get a bonus, but I missed out on a week's pay while they were on vacation.

The mom is the Vice President of a company so she's not completely clueless on bonuses and vacation pay. I just feel a little under-appreciated. I was also hoping for a raise since I've been with them over a year, especially now that the little one is moving around now, he's a fast crawler! haha! I was thinking about writing up a contract for the upcoming year that stipulated paid holidays, vacation time and sick days and possibly asking for a raise. I don't know how to go about bringing it up. Any comments would help! Thanks!

2012-01-02T01:27:00.003-05:00

Hopefully everyone had a great Holiday! We have a lot of catching up to do with the Blog and also plan to publish The Bonus Survey this week. How many of you are as excited (and curious!) as I am? ;-)

2011-12-23T02:05:00.005-05:00

If you are a Nanny and would like to share with us what you received for a bonus this year, please email us or send a message using MEEBO. If you are an Employer and would like us to know what you are giving your Nanny as a bonus this year, we want to hear from you, too.

PLEASE INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING:
* Bonus this year (2011):
* Your weekly salary:
* Any supplementary gifts aside from the Bonus:
* Length of time you have worked for the Family:
* City, State and Country where you live:
* Any additional comments:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TO SEND IN A SUBMISSION:
1) email to isawyournanny@aol.com
2) Leave as an anonymous comment to THIS post right here, right now.
3) Leave as an anonymous instant message using the MEEBO toolbar on the right side of the main ISYN page.

* You may send in Questions, Nanny/Employer Horror Stories, Rants/Raves, A Day in the Life of a Nanny, Worst Interview Experiences...

FOR NANNY SIGHTINGS, PLEASE INCLUDE:
* Physical description of caregiver
* Physical description of involved child/children
* Address or venue of observed incident
* Date and time of incident
* Detailed description of what you witnessed
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying involved caregiver

2011-12-21T21:28:00.006-05:00

I just wanted to share a terrible experience we had with a Filipino nanny who used us to get out of the Philippines, took our money, lied, and ran away a month and a half after she started her contract.

Her name is Malouchie (last name withheld) and goes by the name Malou. She was born on 31 Aug 1977 and her passport number is (withheld). I am attaching a picture and a passport copy of her. We live in Cyprus at the moment. I am from Cyprus and my husband is American. We have a 7-month old baby boy. Since I work in the medical field, I didn’t have the chance to take a year or two from work to stay home and raise my child. In my profession the field advances so quickly that taking time off would most likely be the end of your career. Since I have invested so much in my education and career, I didn’t want to do that. In Cyprus, unlike other western countries, there are no reliable nanny agencies where you can see the references of the person you want to work with before you hire them. There are people who find nannies but your chance of finding someone good is 50/50.

So, when a government employee who works for the local work permit office told me that he knew a Filipino who wanted to come to Cyprus and work, and that she had childcare experience, I was excited. I had been looking for somebody locally for the last 3 months and I had been disappointed over and over again, so I was intrigued. I got in touch with this person via Skype. She gave me all the answers that I wanted to hear. She said she took care of a boy from 3-months to 3 years in Ankara, Turkey for a French family. She had a son herself and loved boys. She had worked in a Spa for her last job (with her mom who is a reputable masseuse) but didn’t like it since men who had interests other than “just a massage” came to the Spa and she didn’t work in that area. When I told her we had a dog that is a big part of our family, she said “I will have two babies then”. I thought that we finally hit jackpot.

I spent a couple of months getting all the paperwork ready in order to bring her to Cyprus. A big part of that was to get a transit visa to Turkey for her since she would have had to fly to Cyprus from there. In Turkey, they are supposedly very strict with issuing transit visas to Filipinos since they lie to enter Turkey and then work there illegally. So they asked for a contract, which we prepared and sent to her, to read it over and agree to it. She agreed to everything. Meanwhile, I asked her to get her medical tests done since HIV, Hepatitis and some other tests are required in order to have a work permit issued here. She asked for money to get her tests done, for traveling to the Capital and for her POEA papers there-in total $600. I gave them to her without questioning her, she said we could deduct it from her paycheck when she gets here. I had also told her we would pay for her plane ticket to come here, we just wanted her to fulfill her 2-year contract.

Long story short, she finally made it to Cyprus. While she was here working for us, we paid for her everything-from her toothbrush to her cellphone. She had her own room with cable and DVD player and her own bathroom in our house. We just wanted her to be good to our son, and not much else. We have a housekeeper that cleans our place once a week, so I didn’t expect her to do much cleaning (which most live-in nannies do in Cyprus). She was very good with our son. We were very pleased with that and were willing to do anything to keep her happy. We order take out often from expensive restaurants and we always asked her what she wanted and got her anything she asked for. I always asked if she wanted something from supermarket and went out of my way to get them. When we went out to eat as a family, we always took her along. We treated her as part of our family. She never ever said thank you and always acted as if it was our duty to get her whatever she wanted. We so desperately wanted a good nanny for our son that we overlooked all her flaws.

After a month and a half of working for us, she made up a lie that she was drunk and couldn’t come home (!) on her off day. We realized a day later that was a plot she made up in order to distract us from the fact that she was actually on a flight to Turkey. She escaped leaving most of her belongings in our house. She took some of her things and made up a lie as to why she was taking them. It looks like she wanted to work in Turkey, I am guessing not as a nanny, and she used us to get out of the Philipines (since Filipinos cannot leave their country now without a valid contract etc). She took our money. She had us pay for her ticket. She took advantage of us. I am just glad we only spent one and a half months with such an evil person living with us and not a year or two.

She is now living in Turkey illegally. I am writing this so that a manipulative liar like this will not be able to take advantage of innocent families like us. One may come from a poor country but that shouldn’t prevent her from making an honest living.

Stop the Insanity!

2011-12-21T20:15:00.002-05:00

I have been a mothers helper for 3 (now 3, 5, 7) children in a little ritchie town in Essex County NJ. The mother is a stay at home mom and the father is always gone for buisness trips so far no big deal. I have been their help since March. They have 2 sitters a morning sitter and me (the afterschool/ night time sitter) The morning sitter for 6 years broke her hip in the summer so for 2 weeks I took on all the hours from the moment all three children woke up to when they go to bed (which killed me to be quiet honost cause it was from 7am-10PM) They have a cleaning service come every friday! Now before sitter AM broke her hip my job was to straighten up (dishes and laundry and sweep the kitchen floor) Now that the new morning sitter is back (she was once the PM sitter but she had a son) shes like a clean-a-holic so when I get there every day the house is spotless which we never signed a contract for but I feel like its a constant battle between us like shes always outdoing me. Granted I had a better relationship with the morning sitter when I first started working she was older and close to retirement though.

This is my first "full time" nanny position so granted I am stupid for not having a real contract with everything laid out. However my hours in the beginning were only suppose to be 245-9:00/9:30 (pick up the oldest from school and stay with all 3 until they all go to bed) and 7am on Sat to about 4pm. Since I had a great relationship with the morning sitter I am trying now to have a good relationship with MB after all she is a stay at home mom. However these last 2 weeks as i'm trying to develope a relationship hasnt been going to well. MB broke her arm so she has been on percasets and a royle bitch. I try filling her in on the little things in my life and shes now attempting to be a mother to me for example I mentioned to her I am going back to college (during the morning- it won't affect my schedual with her in any way) and she is trying to tell me what to take etc etc. To find out small things like confirming what to make the kids for dinner she doesnt pick up her phone i send her a text and she bitches at me IN TEXT cause her arm hurts. Her car is in the shop and she can't drive so she begged me to come early to drive her around and she frowned upon my car because its not as nice as hers and told me to get a nicer car or "safer" car for when I need to drive her kids in it! Thank god my fiance is being generous enough to allow me to take his for the past 2 weeks.

Another thing that has bothered me is the fact Ok her arm is fractured not technically broken but she had me stay til 7pm on Sat to wrap all of her xmas presents and yelled at me because they weren't too her liking the way I wrapped them and she couldn't keep up with which presents were from who and got stressed out and freaked on me. Thats another thing I went to starbucks because she wanted me to come in at 12 on my day off (and of course I will I need the money) and I offered to buy her an ice coffee (sent her a text- she didn't respond and didnt answer her phone) so i assumed she was busy or didn't want one. I brought mine inside and she yelled at me saying that shes generous and how DARE I bring my coffee in Her house!

Long story short I love the kids to death! S just learned to be potty trained A is learning how to read and L is a little dancer theater girl who is going to a french school they are all bright.

Mommy has the children wear pull ups to bed and other things that makes me question her way but same point i have to do her way or else i am out of a job. Most of the time she is out running errands or taking this one to one class and the other to another class. She pays 15 an hour cash and I do work between 30-40 hours a week making 500+ so it is VERY Awsome money in this economy. From another view is this too much insanity for being a nanny? I am new at this and I am curious as to weather or not this is normal?

Nanny Wants to go the Extra Mile

2011-12-21T20:10:00.002-05:00

I am a well-educated nanny who recently starting working for a wonderful family (week before Halloween). I have a wonderful relationship with the parents and kids. It is a dream job and I couldn’t be happier.

A few days into the start of the job, I was introduced to the MB’s best friend (also the across street neighbor), N. Now, one time in the last few weeks, N came over and started telling me a lot of MB. Nothing bad, but obviously things that MB had told her in confidence. I knew she wasn’t suppose to tell me. About my charges, MB’s job, and so forth. N then confronted MB and told her what she had done. She told her everything that she had told me - all but one thing. MB was not happy and couldn’t speak to this friend for several days.

Now I know of a few medical issues that my 2 year old charge has - but not the diagnosis. N told me that my two year old charge may have the same thing his mom has. MB is very sensitive about her condition - if she has one. N told me this.

My question is - should I ask her about it? If my charge does have this condition I would be able to do research. I would be able to help him with skills, learning, and communication in more effective ways. Or should I just leave it and let MB come to me? Should I tell MB what else N had told me about my 2 year old charge? I know I should just leave it alone but I want to help this child more effectively. But I also don’t want to add fuel to the fire. Thank you.

E-mail Etiquette

2011-12-21T20:05:00.003-05:00

I have a part time nanny job, have had it for almost a year now. The family left for vacation yesterday, therefore I am currently on vacation as well. Today I was offered a full time job (not child care related), which begins next week, and I want to take it. Is it extremely wrong to quit over email ASAP? This would give the family exactly two weeks to find someone. I hate that they are on vacation, and it's the holidays, but I don't have much choice. Despite it being a decent job, with a lot of respect, I didn't really click with the children (three of them), and while I think they have no problem with me, I am also not going to be remembered as a favorite nanny. Is an email acceptable in this case? I feel terrible, but I am also not looking to be a career nanny, and want to take this new job.

No Thanks, I'm Taken!

2011-12-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

I applied to over 100 nannying jobs on craigslist with the idea that a lot of them wouldn't get back to me. For the first week, I got about 10 responses and I'm seriously considering a couple of them. However, there's been a steadier flow of interest and if I'm on the verge of taking a job, how do I turn down people who call or email me? I feel bad disappointing them, but I'm taken!

Tips and Tricks

2011-12-21T19:45:00.000-05:00

I am new to being a nanny and I was wondering if you all could offer some tips on setting up a portfolio, resume, and contract for interviews. I've been in childcare for 4 years (3 in daycare and just this last year as a nanny/sitter with temp jobs) and I've always let the family decide pay and duties. I know with my next job I'll need something more consistent as far as salary goes. Is it out of bounds to have a weekly minimum salary and they pay me even if they decide to take a day off? Something like $13.50/hr for 40 hrs a week, so $540 gross between set hours.

Going Down?

2011-12-16T12:51:00.003-05:00

While in a busy Wal-Mart my charge decided she wanted to use the elevator to go to the lower level. I noticed a mother and baby were already in the elevator and the door was closing.. I waited for 30 seconds, the door closed fully, and I felt it was safe to allow my charge to press the button to make the elevator come back up. She pressed it! To my surprise the elevator opened up and it was clear we had delayed the mother/baby from doing down. We quickly hopped in the elevator and apologized; briefly explaining that I had thought they had went down already. My charge, 3 years old, is a huge fan of babies! She went over to the lady's baby, and as I have taught her, asked before making moves on anything or anyone said "may I touch your baby" by this she meant "shake her hand, a pat or something very gentle and innocent" the baby had her hand outreached in my charges direction... and the LADY FREAKED OUT! and began talking sternly in my charge's face.... "DONT TOUCH MY BABY, DON"T LOOK AT MY BABY. YOU CANT JUST GO AROUND TOUCHING PEOPLE AND THINGS!!!"

My charge was shocked, looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I was horrifed by how the lady was speaking to her. The elevator had finally closed and lowered. The door opened, and the lady stepped out. My charge was off in dreamland, probably trying to figure everything out, and I questioned the lady asking her "What is up her ass?" She replied, "You could have used the escalator" ...and stormed off. I called her ridiculous and walked away. I used this situation as a lesson for my charge, and explained to her that not all strangers are nice... and this is exactly why we don't talk to strangers, that if I or an adult says its okay then proceed, but please don't talk to any and everyone [which is a hard request for a female 3 year old]. I also apologized for that happening to her, she looked at me and deemed that the lady was 'crazy'. LOL, and we went about our Santa Photo's. But still, it took a lot of self control not to loose it on that lady!

Have you ever been in a situation where a perfect stranger is beyond rude to your charge? What did you do? What would you have done if you were me in the elevator yesterday?

Prized Nanny Surprised Housekeeper Cleaned Up with Xmas Bonus

2011-12-16T12:38:00.002-05:00

Okay...maybe I am being petty, but am I allowed to be a little confused/insulted that my MB and DB give the housekeeper a holiday bonus, but not me, their nanny? I am always told I do a wonderful job and we have a great relationship so I just was a little surprised. It really isn't a huge deal and I don't want to sound like I am just in this for the money... absolutely not the case, but I did just want to throw this out there and see what y'all think!

"Just a Nanny" Knows What Works...

2011-12-16T12:35:00.000-05:00

I've been a nanny for years now and time and time again I see the same thing: people discrediting me simply because I'm "just a nanny". Everyone nanny knows that her job with the various families she cares for allow her to put a variety of parenting styles that most people only read about into actual practice. We see a lot. I saw a five year old who didn't know how to feed herself ( cultural...) and dealt with severe childhood anger disorders. We learn what works and what doesn't. We know every trick to get a child to eat and have potty trained dozens. So why doesn't our opinion matter? If we had our own children you can be sure it would.

When my husbands cousin got a girl pregnant who just couldn't seem to lay off the cigarettes or weed, I became the bad guy. Why? Because I was quick to point out that it wasn't a good thing. Public knowledge! But of course she told me I was " just a nanny". The child is three now and extremely ill mannered... but being just a nanny I keep my mouth shut.

At family functions when all of my cousins gather around and talk kids, I offer my input to a group of rolled eyes and "oh you are still doing the nanny thing?". I can't even share a funny story or recommend a children's museum without being completely ignored. And we nannies know how it is at playgroups or libraries... once they find out you are the nanny... prepare to be shunned.

Does anyone realize I have parented a total of 12 kids... from newborn to teen. How many women in their twenties can say that? My own father tells me I should get a real job. And my mother frets over if I will ever have kids of my own. Being a nanny is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And by the time I have kids... I will know every trick. But I can tell you right now... I have no desire to join mommy cliques or parent forums. You have treated me like dirt for doing the same thing you do... parent and love your kids.

Penny For Your Thoughts?

2011-12-16T12:33:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure where/if this is something I can post on I Saw Your Nanny. I'm just now getting into the blog, and I very much love it! I think it is a great tool to help nannies and parents alike! I hope it keeps gaining popularity!

I moved from Idaho to Syracuse with my fiance for his graduate school in August and began working for this family right after - a little over 4 months now. The family and I began talking last March (she found me on sittercity.com) as it was planned MB would go back to work from maternity leave in August. Our dates matched up, the only issue was because I was living in Idaho I wasn't able to do a face to face interview. We skyped a few times. Anyway, she basically 'hired' me online (my references are amazing, which is why she didn't just find someone local, and I was VERY persistent) but made it clear we wouldn't sign the contract until actually meeting incase either of us felt uncomfortable with the other. What I'm trying to mainly get at is that we have been talking/getting to know each other since March. I have worked for her for only 4 months but because of the extended pre hiring process I feel much closer to her than I would someone who I had only known four months. The job is wonderful and I couldn't have gotten any luckier. The 1 year old baby is amazing and perfect in every way. He makes me excited to go to work every day. I just wanted to give you a little preview of my situation before I ask my question.

Should I get my employers a Christmas gift?! I didn't with my past employers, but we didn't have as close of a relationship. I got my past charges presents, but would have felt awkward giving ones to MB and DB. The toddler (so sad he can be called a toddler now!!) and I are making a hand print picture frame and I'm putting an adorable 5X7 photo of him in it for a present from him to MB and DB, and I got baby some skill building toys. I'm a sucker for any toy that can also help learn! But should I also get Parents something?? MB LOVES my wallet, I was thinking about getting a similar one for her?? Opinion from nannies or parents desperately welcomed!! Thanks!

New Year Benefits?

2011-12-16T12:30:00.005-05:00

Hi, I guess I basically need to vent. I made a year earlier in the week and with every family I have been with and every nanny I know, benefits (sick days, vacation days, etc) start all over the day we began. However, with this particular family (who have a lack of communication) just informed me today that my benefits do not begin again until January 1st.

I took yesterday off because of an eye infection to go to the doctor. So, DB tells me about the benefits and I let him know that I started a year ago Tuesday and that I thought that is when my benefits started all over. He said he was annoyed at MB because now he is in the middle of this. THE MIDDLE OF WHAT? MB and I never discussed this. He then states that he understands what I am talking about because that is how it normally works (benefits begin again the day you started) and that he will talk to MB it.

My question is does everyones benefits start January 1st no matter what date you started or do your benefits start over the day you started? Also, my benefits began the day I started, I did not have to accrue anything.

L.A. Nanny

2011-12-16T12:30:00.002-05:00

I am a 26 year old former nanny. I have my Bachelors Degree in Early Childhood/Elementary Education and over 14 years of childcare experience and was a stellar nanny. I worked with one family as a full time nanny from 12/08-6/10 and another from 8/10-5/11. I left the first family because both kiddies were starting school full time. The second family I had to leave because I was working for them part time and was offered a full time promotion with benefits (I had an additional part time job at night.) I can honestly say that I had fabulous experiences with both families and continue to see them regularly as I love them to pieces. Currently, I still work full time in Philadelphia but recently decided to relocate to LA with my long-term boyfriend some time in May. At that point, I have decided to start nannying again. I need to find a well paying job, especially since I will need to pay for my own medical insurance along with my share of more expensive rent and all the other expenses coming our way. I am psyched about getting back to nannying, I genuinely miss it.

My question is this: I am terrified to move to LA without a job lined up. Is there any good way to go about this? I have started contacting families through all the typical nanny websites, and while I never had any trouble finding work in the past it seems next to impossible to find a position in advance from across the country. I am planning to make a trip out to LA some time in February or March to look for housing and was hoping to have some interviews lined up, but so far no real bites. Any advice would be very much appreciated!

Remote 10-Day Vacay

2011-12-16T12:05:00.002-05:00

Question in regards to traveling with family...I'm wondering if anyone has traveled with their family and stayed in a big house that doesn't have much access to anything else outside the house. We're going to a tropical location and they've rented a house with friends and their nanny but we just found out that the house is in a somewhat remote location. Yikes! I'm just looking for pointers so that I can stay sane for our 10 day vacay. I've traveled with them before but we've always stayed in hotels and I feel like there are more boundaries that way. Any advice is appreciated :) Thanks!

Recommendations?

2011-12-16T12:00:00.001-05:00

How did you all find your current position? I an currently a live-in nanny in North Carolina, and I found my position on gonannies.com...which was just one of the handful of nanny websites I was a member of during my job search. I'm just curious as to where/how you all found your current positions...were you on similar sites to gonannies or nannies4hire, or did you go through an agency? Those who went through an agency: would you recommend doing so?

DB Violates Nanny's Privacy

2011-12-08T10:59:00.001-05:00

Sorry if this post is not well organized, but I am in complete shock and need some advice. I started a new job a few months ago, and it's been just fine. The parents are fine, the children (from here on out, the older is B and the younger is C) are fine, I'm not in love with this job, but up until right now, there was nothing not to like. Since I'm still new-ish, the parents stop home unannounced from time to time. I would do the same thing in their shoes. Today, B was at school and C was napping. C has been a little under the weather, and was waking up a lot to cough. I was going upstairs to administer some cough syrup, and saw DB walk in the door. I said hello, told him what was going on, and continued upstairs. I heard him move around a bit and then leave -- nothing out of the ordinary -- but when I went downstairs, I noticed my purse was about a foot away from where I had left it, wide open, and my wallet was halfway out. Nothing was missing, but he clearly went through it. I feel violated. What do I do now?

Lazy MB Leaves Nanny Feeling Lethargic

2011-12-08T10:37:00.008-05:00

I am a nanny with 15 months of childcare experience. I am trying to go to college part time as well. I have worked for a family for 11 months now and have been having some issues. I am a live in nanny and get paid $200 a week. I signed a year contract and it is up next month. I watch eight year old triplets, 2 boys and a girl. Both boys are autistic. One can talk and one can’t, and the one that can talk is in pull-ups still. I originally only had to watch the children, clean up after them, make sure they do their homework, give them baths, and do their laundry.

I know it is hard to work with autistic children and didn’t expect anything different, but I was told they were well behaved but sometimes they would have crying fits if they got mad or if they got hurt. I have been hit several times, my hair has been pulled, I have been kicked on many occasions, and my chest has been grabbed multiple times. I try to explain to the boys that it is not good behavior and it isn’t nice to do those things to people, then I send them to time out for eight minutes. The mother has seen this happen several times and has done nothing to discipline or explain to them that it’s not good behavior.

I have 6 hours a day during the week without the children during the school year. But during that time I am cleaning up the kitchen, doing the children’s laundry, family sheets and towels, and grocery shopping. The children’s jeans and shirts have to be ironed every time I do the laundry. I can’t be far from the house during school hours because at least twice a week I have to go to the school and drop of a change of clothes, medicine, snacks, or pick up a sick child. I also have to clean the children’s bathroom weekly and make sure their rooms are clean. I have no vacation time but I have every other major Holiday off. I did not get paid more during the summer for watching the children all day or a bonus for working a Holiday. I only have every other weekend off as well. When I do get a Holiday off I get the day of the Holiday off nothing else. For Thanksgiving I had to work on my weekend off to get Thanksgiving off (Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday) so I could visit family out of state. The mother told me I now owe her a day for getting that Friday off. The mother is also never really around... she goes out shopping, has bible class, visits friends, and gets her nails done weekly. I make breakfast, lunch, and heat up what the mother makes for dinner for the week, I put the children to bed and if they wake up in the middle of the night I am up with them.

When the mother is home she talks about how tired she is and then just stays in her room or on the phone until after the kids are in bed. On the weekends I work sometimes, the boys will wake her up to play or eat breakfast and she tells them to get me because she is tired. All they want is to spend time with her and I have told her this but she says she is busy. After I get back from my weekends off I find that the kitchen is a mess, the dishes are only half done. If I get back before the kids are in bed then I am taking care of them until bed and during the night.

I want to talk to the mother when my contract is up about having every weekend off, and getting at least a $200 weekly raise. So I would make $400 or more a week instead of $200. I also want to have every major Holiday off and the days that she has off work for a Holiday off I get off. I love the kids when they are not having fits or hitting, kicking, and grabbing. I like to help them with homework, and teach the one that can’t talk how to talk. I like doing science projects and playing dolls and house with the girl. I also like to take the kids outside and go on walks with them. I just don’t know how to go about talking to their mother about these things without her getting defensive. I am also not sure what amount I can ask for without being unreasonable.

What are your Limits?

2011-12-08T10:30:00.002-05:00

How Much Are You Spending On your Charge’s Christmas?

In recent years, I’ve sort of set a $50 - $75 limit on what I spend for my charge’s presents, although I admit it’s not written in stone. I have spent as much as $150 for an only-child. I send past charges $25 gift certificates on their birthdays and at Christmas time as well. This is usually what happens to my Christmas bonus. Consequently, what I value more than bonuses is simply being left alone (childless) during holidays.

This year I’m doing something different. My two oldest charges (both girls, ages 3 and 5) share a bedroom and have stated numerous times that they wish it was pink. Their mother purchased new curtains and linens in an attempt to pacify her daughters’ request, but to little avail, because the older child insists on having pink walls too. I figured that since the girls were visiting relatives 3 days prior to Christmas, a room makeover might be in order. I asked the children’s mother if it could be my present to them since they already have so much stuff that buying toys seems more out of obligation than genuine sentiment. Mom agreed. I have a friend who owns a paint store, so the supplies are cheap enough. I expect to spend less than an additional $100 on bric-a-brac. Total cost: $200 plus a day’s labor. In all honesty, the day’s labor really shouldn’t be a factor because I still receive salary whenever the girls are away, so in essence, what I’m actually out of pocket is a day off. I personally don’t consider this too much in light of how well the family provides for me above and beyond what is expected. I might also add that I have considerable experience in building and design. Painting 4 walls and a ceiling is a walk in the park.

Do you have limits on how much to spend on your charge’s Christmas presents?

Picking Battles is Causing a War for this Nanny

2011-12-08T10:26:00.002-05:00

Hi, I'm a nanny and would like you to post this on the website so that I can get some opinions/advice. I've not written to you before so I'm not sure if this is how I go about it!

I am a nanny for an American family, in England. This is my first nanny job, but not my first childcare job. I look after a girl, 5 and a boy, 4. The girl is at school all day and the boy is home with me. I'll call the girl S. I have been working with this family for nearly 4 months now. Everything was perfect.. Until last week. S is a difficult child and will throw big tantrums when she doesn't get her own way, but I was still really enjoying the job. I picked S up from school and brought her home, mum was working from home, which she occasionally does but its very rare. Mum asked me to help S get changed so that they can go out for dinner. While getting her changed S notices her favourite dress is missing, I tell her that mum took it because it was too small, S gets angry at this. I try to help S take off her cardigan and S screams "IM NOT A BABY DONT HELP ME" -- maybe the way I replied to this was wrong, but I said "well if you're going to act like a baby I'm going to treat you like a baby" mum then walks into the room and says to me "you can't get down to her level and bicker with her like that!" S then goes on to tell mum that she said "please don't help me get changed I want to do it myself" this is the first time I have heard S lie to her mum, and I didn't want to be petty and call her out on it. Mum goes on to explain to S that she needs to be respectful of me and that even though she is in the house, I am still in charge.

So that settles down and we get to yesterday. S was an angel all day which was a lovely change. Mum gets home from work and says that she and dad want to speak to me and could I wait around. We sit down to chat and they say "we were putting the children to bed last night and S said that you pushed her at the train station, and J (brother,4) said that you did too" Let me just start by saying that I have never pushed a child, and never would. I knew the situation that the children were talking about, we had gotten of off the train and S was trying to turn around to wave to her friends still on the train, but we were on a train platform full of people and where S kept stopping to wave, people were walking into her and getting frustrated. I put my hand on S back, and guided her along the platform. S said to me "don't push me! I'm telling mum" I said to S "I'm not pushing you I'm guiding you" and nothing more was said from either of us. Mum and Dad said that they believe that I didn't push her, and in the future if they say anything like that then to just text mum and tell her.

Well today on the school run, we get off of the train and I ask S to hold my hand, the response I get is "whyyyy do I have to hold your hand, I don't want to hold your hand, etc etc" by this time I've already had a bad morning with her, and I say in a stern voice "because I said you do" I am then told "You shouted in my face! I'm telling mummy" J then says "you're being mean to us I'm telling mummy" -- J is usually a little angel with me, practically perfect, but when he is with his sister he copies everything she does. So now I've texted mum and told her, as I was told to, but I feel like if I'm to text mum every time I get a "I'm telling mummy" then I'm going to be texting mum an awful lot!

Also, it is my job to do the childrens laundry, and I'm pretty good with it and do a wash at least everyday. Last week I put some trousers on J that were too small. Mum says he can't go out wearing them and that "we" need to keep on top of the washing so that there are always trousers that fit. This was a monday, I don't work weekends and had done a wash on friday, so how was this me not keeping on top of the washing! Little things like this bug me, and I just needed somewhere to vent for this one.

Mum has told me to "pick my battles" with S, but the way she is I feel like every time she misbehaves I should pull her up on it. I understand that S is a child and probably misbehaves because she wants her mum, but this morning she actually brought me to tears, and its made me for the first time, think that I don't like this job.

2011-12-05T06:27:00.003-05:00

Monday, December 5, 2011
We have received many requests to repeat the Annual Nanny Bonus Survey. If you are a Nanny and would like to share with us what you received for a bonus this year, please email us or send us a message using MEEBO. If you are an Employer and would like us to know what you are giving your Nanny as a bonus this year, we want to hear from you, too.

Please Include:
* Bonus this year (2011):
* Your weekly salary:
* Any supplementary gifts aside from the Bonus:
* Length of time you have worked for the Family:
* City, State and Country where you live:
* Additional comments:

To read ISYN Bonus Surveys from previous years, click below:
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2006 - Part I December 2006
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2006 - Part II December 2006
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2007 - Part I December 2007
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2007 - Part II December 2007
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2008 - Part I December 2008
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2008 - Part II December 2008
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2009 - Part I December 2009
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2009 - Part II December 2009
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2010 - Part I December 2010
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2010 - Part II December 2010

2011-12-05T05:47:00.006-05:00

Nanny Sightings Needed
INCLUDE THESE DETAILS IN YOUR SUBMISSION:
* Physical description of caregiver
* Physical description of involved child/children
* Address or venue of observed incident
* Date and time of incident
* Detailed description of what you witnessed
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying involved caregiver
Your submissions may be:
1) emailed to isawyournanny@aol.com
2) Left as an anonymous comment to THIS post right here, right now.
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* You may also send in Questions, Nanny/Employer Horror Stories, Rants/Raves, A Day in the Life...