tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post8421639074620585436..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Former Employer Lies to Prevent Nanny from Collecting UnemploymentLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-42862177337737694242010-11-26T05:13:26.338-05:002010-11-26T05:13:26.338-05:0024/7 Mom...I am glad that you still have your sani...24/7 Mom...I am glad that you still have your sanity, but I think when people state that they are "insane" they do not mean it in the literal sense. LOL. But I am sure you do have some insane moments in your day. Ha!Bostonnannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-89547591358385272252010-11-24T06:21:08.955-05:002010-11-24T06:21:08.955-05:00Single mom who is a childcare provider here:
YES...Single mom who is a childcare provider here: <br /><br />YES I AM WITH CHILDREN 24/7!! lol<br /><br />And I'm not insane!24/7 mom and proud of itnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-70830070870422161032010-11-23T01:03:20.849-05:002010-11-23T01:03:20.849-05:00To a mom..in spite of us not agreeing on anything ...To a mom..in spite of us not agreeing on anything you have said, us posters do respect you at least for telling the truth. I think there are many mothers out there who would absolutely die if they had to stay home with their kids 24/7. They use excuses such as, "but I have to work..I wish I didn't..but I HAVE to..." I wish more parents would be honest and just admit, "Having a child is tedious work to me, it's isolating, and emotionally and physically exhausting work..day after day.., and truthfully, I love getting out of the house..even if it is to go to work!!!" At least they would have more respect. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, it is very rewarding..but let me tell you it was and still is very hard work. All parents have days when they dream about the days before they even had children...or even imagine how their lives would be today had they never had kids at all..but it is not socially acceptable to admit you think this way..and definitely not accepted if you verbalize it.Just My Two Cents Just Nownoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-30026055765830924012010-11-22T22:33:31.237-05:002010-11-22T22:33:31.237-05:001. I am a SAHM, by choice, and happy with it.
2....1. I am a SAHM, by choice, and happy with it.<br /><br />2. It is possible to be a great mom and work outside the home. It's hard. Being a great mom is hard. Being a great mom AND anything else is hard.<br /><br />3. Not everyone is equally good at being a parent. Some people suck at it. At least if they recognize that and hire a good nanny, they are doing a better job than if they were in denial. It doesn't mean they don't love their kids.<br /><br />4. After decades of telling everyone that they can have everything, whether or not they can afford it or have earned it, why is anyone surprised that no one wants to choose parenthood OR a career? Being a SAHM (or ANY mom) involves sacrifices. Sacrifices suck. No one wants to make sacrifices. They have terrible PR.<br /><br />5. It's almost Thanksgiving. How nice for all of you that you have such secure lives you have the luxury of debating the morality of employing a nanny.JustAMommynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-2785610247917511032010-11-22T18:13:00.584-05:002010-11-22T18:13:00.584-05:00None of you are with children 24 hours a day/7 day...None of you are with children 24 hours a day/7 days a week. That would drive a person insane. <br /><br />This is what mom does! and how horrific does a nanny have to be before you fire her?MONKEYSHINESnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-87808548097158232792010-11-22T14:38:08.531-05:002010-11-22T14:38:08.531-05:00A mom,
All you had to do was admit the truth and ...A mom, <br />All you had to do was admit the truth and we could have ended this long convo awhile ago. You trying to cover everything up with excuse after excuse was ridiculous and then to sarcastically degrade nannies for doing a job you didn't want to do was low and unnecessary. I never called you a name I just told you how i thought you came across.<br /><br />I do think you have some resentment towards your nanny for doing something you couldn't and for your husband for not being there. I hope you overcome this and enjoy your daughters.bostonnannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-49485948504065988172010-11-22T14:02:25.435-05:002010-11-22T14:02:25.435-05:00I'm going to say one last thing and then I'...I'm going to say one last thing and then I'll stop and you are all free to call me names afterwords. I don't want those first two years back of my kids' lives. My husband worked 7 days a week back then, so I had my kids pretty much alone on weekends. Also my husband came home from work around 10 pm during the week in those days so I fed, bathed, made/gave dinner all by myself M-F. If I had quit my job and stayed home with them I would have been alone with kids almost 24 hrs/7 days a week. My kids spent about 30 waking hrs a week with the nanny and 49 waking hrs a week with me. (I'm not counting the sleeping because that would mean even more hours with me). Who are any of you to judge me? None of you are with children 24 hours a day/7 days a week. That would drive a person insane. <br /> <br />My other option would have been not to work but to have a nanny and be sahm. That would have been worse, no? We could have afforded a nanny so I could go to the gym, lunch and get my nails done. But I figured, if I were going to do that, I might as well just keep my job.<br /><br />My kids don't remember the nanny because I am their mother and they spent more time with me, even then. The don't remember the preschool they attended then either. <br /><br />Enjoy your christmas ornament making party. I just baked cookies with my dds yesterday. We had a blast.a momnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-5903635405574992822010-11-22T12:11:27.136-05:002010-11-22T12:11:27.136-05:00to "a mom"
you really dug yourself a ho...to "a mom"<br /><br />you really dug yourself a hole on this one. <br /><br />I think we would have more respect for you if you were honest. You want to hold tight to the philosophy that a woman can "have it all" yet you are bent on justifying your position as a mother. Just admit that your career was more important than the infant/toddler years. As one other poster said, how much of a difference did it really make to work those extra couple of years? Not a whole lot in the grand scheme of your career, but as far as your kids are concerned, you can never ever ever get those years back. <br /><br />What you paid your nanny, how much money you have in the bank, how many friends your children have (as if it is a great value to teach young girls that they need to have a lot of friends to be happy) and how many hours you DON'T work now is neither here nor there. <br /><br />You missed out. The boat left without you. The fact that the children don't even remember the nanny makes me sad. Why don't they? I remember being with my mother when I was two, three and four. <br /><br />Enjoy your wealth and prosperity. I'm going to go and make Christmas tree ornaments now with my four year old out of yarn and walnuts. <br /><br />:)the boat has left and you're not on itnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-48938137478457914592010-11-22T05:30:02.034-05:002010-11-22T05:30:02.034-05:00By the way guys...uh..what was the original topic ...By the way guys...uh..what was the original topic here again??! LOL.Just My Two Cents Just Nownoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-36961608150006888692010-11-22T05:27:39.223-05:002010-11-22T05:27:39.223-05:00Oh..thank you for the clarification nycmom..and I ...Oh..thank you for the clarification nycmom..and I appreciate the compliment! :)<br />To a mom..you just now admitted that caring for a child is "day to day drudgery." How horrible. The more I hear from you, the more I wish I could take your children away from you. Childcare is not Disneyland..no one ever said it was..and yes..it can be isolating and boring at times..but my gosh...I am sure you knew of this before you had kids and if you didn't...too bad! Having kids is not like buying a dress at Sears..you cannot take it back once you changed your mind for God's sake! <br />And nannies are not "servants"...would you call your waitress at Denny's your servant? Or your Dr.? Of course not, then you must extend the same respect to nannies!<br />I must agree with you on one point however, it is true. The whole "our nanny if part of the family" thing is pure bull. Anytime money is involved, the dynamics of a relationship is changed and a nanny/parent relationship can never be "family" since the mutual respect is partly based on $$ and is not unconditional as it is in a family. I cringe each time I hear that phrase.Just My Two Cents Just Nownoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-35981360361373667222010-11-21T23:03:00.703-05:002010-11-21T23:03:00.703-05:00Sorry "mom", but I have to agree with bo...Sorry "mom", but I have to agree with bostonnanny. And why all of a sudden now are you being a braggart? It seems to me if what you say is true you would have proclaimed it several posts back, just to prove your point to these "horrific nannies" that your career was important enough then that it afforded you the luxury of being home for your kids now.<br /><br />I say you are lying.another mom #2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-30426627352902707902010-11-21T22:38:59.928-05:002010-11-21T22:38:59.928-05:00A mom
let's be honest here, did those 4 years...A mom<br /> let's be honest here, did those 4 years really make that much of impact on your career or could you be in the same place that are you are in now, 4 yrs from now? Wouldnt you rather have been their for the those first four years of your daughters lives? Where you seriously that desperate for money that you need pay 32,000 a year on a nanny 10 years ago when the cost of living was cheaper, so you could work?<br />Or was it for your own personal needs that you worked? <br />You obviously feel guilty now for not being there for your girls and your trying to justify it by saying your out of debt and have money saved for college. But I'm pretty sure you could be in the same position you are now in 2010 just a <br />little later like 2014. <br />You could be laid off tomo, then what? Would you think it was worth missing your children's first few years?Bostonnannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-16370139978518070052010-11-21T22:04:25.549-05:002010-11-21T22:04:25.549-05:00boston nanny and another mom,
I guess you have me ...boston nanny and another mom,<br />I guess you have me pegged. I'm a cold hearted bitch. All I know is those 2 years each of my children "suffered at the hands of my horrific nanny" enabled me to get to the place where I am in my profession now. <br /><br />By the way, I disrespected my nanny so much that I paid $600/wk 10 yrs ago for 45 hrs a week, on the books- all taxes paid by us-plus monthly metrocard, 2 grand a year in bonuses, 4 wks paid vacay and 1 wk sick time PLUS she brought her step DD to work with her every day for 2 of the 4 years she worked for me. <br /><br />So here I am now, at a place where I work from home 2 days a week, am able to see my kids off to school every morning and am home by 4:30 to help them with their homework. I can take long lunches at my job to go see them in their plays, volunteer in their classrooms, help on field trips. My kids get top grades in school and have lots of friends. And you know what? Neither of my kids even remember the nanny, even when I show them pictures of them sitting lovingly on her lap. I never thought my nanny was 'beneath me'. I just didn't like the fact that it was my only option given my long term goals for our family. Believe it or not, it tore me up to leave them to go to work every day when they were young. I raced home every night to be home by 5:20 - to eat dinner, bathe and put them to bed. Why? I knew it would pay off in the long run and it did. I'm sorry if our family likes to live a lifestyle that you don't agree with. We like having 2 incomes and the extras that provides. We like that we have money saved in the bank for our kids to go to college, that we have no debt and that I am setting an example for my dd that women can have successful careers just like men. If this makes me a cold heartless bitch, I'm guilty as charged.a momnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-69210467237062229722010-11-21T21:26:44.177-05:002010-11-21T21:26:44.177-05:00"It's about how you affect the people aro..."It's about how you affect the people around you. Maybe it was good that you had a nanny to care for your children because you are an unhappy, angry person with no respect for others. It's sad you had children who will suffer from your lack of love but I guess you have the money to put them in therapy."<br /><br />Damn, I think bostonnanny just pwned you!another mom #2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-2800273838024169412010-11-21T19:58:35.830-05:002010-11-21T19:58:35.830-05:00Nycmom, i agree to disagree and I wish your family...Nycmom, i agree to disagree and I wish your family well.<br /><br />Monkeyshines, yes I fully understand that they will never agree with me but I got my point across. They can't miss what they never knew and that saddens me. <br /><br />A mom, your exactly the kind of person I think is beneath me. It doesn't matter how much money you make or what things you have. Anyone can have money and nice things if they work hard and want it badly enough. It's about how you affect the people around you. Maybe it was good that you had a nanny to care for your children because you are an unhappy, angry person with no respect for others. It's sad you had children who will suffer from your lack of love but I guess you have the money to put them in therapy.Bostonnannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-8649742879862599152010-11-21T19:35:41.001-05:002010-11-21T19:35:41.001-05:00FYI: I am "another mom" at Nov 18, 2010 ...FYI: I am "another mom" at Nov 18, 2010 12:48:00 PM.<br /><br />That is the only post I posted on this thread. <br /><br />The other "another mom" is not me!<br /><br />just fyi!<br /><br />:)another mom @Nov 18, 2010 12:48:00 PMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-37160816190527619842010-11-21T18:22:01.869-05:002010-11-21T18:22:01.869-05:00Boston Nanny, you are wasting your words, these mo...Boston Nanny, you are wasting your words, these moms just dont get it! I know you have a strong sense of family, something these working moms will never get it! I couldnt imagine in my worst nightmare leaving my baby with a stranger and just hoping for the best! my child would be a stranger to me! I think working moms dont realize what they are misssing when they choose to work so they have a wall up and the can never truly relate to their children how could they?MONKEYSHINESnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-84321863253979438012010-11-21T16:34:14.297-05:002010-11-21T16:34:14.297-05:00JMTCJN:
You misunderstood my post. I was being sa...JMTCJN:<br /><br />You misunderstood my post. I was being sarcastic. I agree with you that your older children continue to need you. I do not think your kids are coddled because they still live with you. My point was that it sounds like you are an experienced mom doing a good job - specifically in response to the prior comment by Theresa that your children should no longer need your assistance as much as they get older because:<br /><br />"your children are in school full time when they are older, and most likely have extra-curricular activities as well as jobs. (I had a job at 14, which is the way it should be. Sadly, too many parents coddle their children when they get older, spoiling them when they should be helping them to grow into young adulthood.)"<br /><br />Bostonnanny:<br /><br />I think we can agree to disagree. Sounds like you are making the best choices for your family. I am confident I am making the best choices for mine.nycmomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-5697420680964573562010-11-21T14:06:48.360-05:002010-11-21T14:06:48.360-05:00NYCMom, This post is getting really long and i was...NYCMom, This post is getting really long and i was tired when i posted my previous comment. <br /><br />So i'll explain myself a little better. I am 24 but don't use my age against me because I raised my brothers and am hoping to get custody of my 8 yr old brother who has aspergers, once I can quit my job. My second youngest lives with me and he works plus he's pursing college. I may not have pushed them out of my vagina but I am the one who took them to doctors appointments and made them dinner, put them to bed, helped with homework while I myself went to hs and worked part time. So my strong feeling towards families actually raising their own children are for a reason. I have seen what it does to children, not just from my family but from being a nanny. All the toys and vacations in the world won't replace the time you missed. And whether you see it or not it affects your children.<br /><br />just because your toddler doesn't seen to mind being with a nanny doesn't mean they are not affected by your absence. My charge waves bye to his mom everyday and enjoys his time with me but every single day he asks where is mommy? where is daddy? because no matter what he rather be with them.<br />Parents need to stay involved throughout their children's life. But once they have to go to school full time you can still go back to work. I agree with you 100% in regards to staying connected with your older children and being actively involved in their education and their social lives because they are easily influenced. <br /><br />Parents should be the soul caregivers from birth to teen/adult. But there are times where your child is in school and after school activities in which you can work. Sure you may have to do part time for awhile until your children can work and drive themselves but thats the sacrifice you make. Your children are reflections of your parenting. The morals and lessons you teach to them will likely stay with them. I value all the people who work jobs that benefit society but your main job should be raising a child who will be a positive member of society. <br /><br />The first 5 years are the most important, that is when children learn the basics and as they get older they test them. Your job is to teach them your values at that early age and reinforce them as they get older. Why would you want someone else to teach them different values or none at all.bostonnannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-79827317557141063302010-11-21T11:58:32.159-05:002010-11-21T11:58:32.159-05:00Believe what you want, I'm not a nanny. But I ...Believe what you want, I'm not a nanny. But I have employed one in the past when I needed an extra set of hands when I was sick with cancer, so I know what goes into finding a good one.<br /><br />But to answer your question: why are you a bitch? Well, for one you are disrespectful. Household servant? That pretty much says it all! Are you serious? Do you have any idea the time and money and education that one puts into being a real nanny? Maybe your problem is you were one of those cheap-ass parents that tried to get out of hiring a real nanny and got stuck with one of those park bench nannies and that is why you are so resentful towards them. Or, maybe I'm wrong and you got your hands on a really good one that your kids came to know and love better than you? Because you care more about your career and the kids only saw you in passing and began to think of your nanny as their mommy. And why not? You don't exactly come across as the sweet, lovable, nurturing type.another momnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-19548246199235723002010-11-21T11:34:39.634-05:002010-11-21T11:34:39.634-05:00another mom said,
I don't believe that you are...another mom said,<br />I don't believe that you aren't a nanny. I'm a bitch? Why exactly? Because what I posted was 100% true? Every single nanny on here has stated that a nanny is NOT a good option for kids over a parent. <br /><br /> Monkeyshines doesn't get why someone would hire a nanny, neither does momma mia, bostonnanny and several others. We all agree on that. A nanny is the best choice for a parent who can afford a nanny and doesn't want the day to day drudgery of dealing with their kids - they just want to swoop in for the fun. A nanny is a paid household servant - this 'part of the family' and 'I love the kids' is BS EXCEPT in VERY VERY rare cases. I'm sorry if the truth hurts, but let's not kid ourselves.a momnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-52258286292160325372010-11-21T08:59:43.797-05:002010-11-21T08:59:43.797-05:00can some of the moms tell us what you get out of h...can some of the moms tell us what you get out of having kids and a stranger raising them? you dont do anything a mom is supposed to do a nanny is doing it for you it just seems unnatural. how do you bond with your kids when you dont nurture them? Oh its the expensive vacations that make up for it! so sad when these kids get older they will have memories of a nanny caring for them not a proper motherMONKEYSHINESnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18083094247624954672010-11-21T03:21:52.239-05:002010-11-21T03:21:52.239-05:00I feel the need to clarify my position, as some of...I feel the need to clarify my position, as some of my words have been taken out of context, and as this debate has become more and more heated and extreme. <br /><br />I do not find it "morally reprehensible" that a mother would work outside the home, during any stage of her children's lives. I also did not say that finances were my only consideration when taking a nanny post, just one of many. I most definitely did not say that I dislike either my employers or my charges. <br /><br />I do believe it is best for a mother (or father) to stay home with the children, given that all other factors are in order. For example, if both parents need to work for financial reasons, or if the parents truly need to work in order to feel fulfilled, etc. The fact that I believe one thing is best does not indicate that I find anything less to be "morally reprehensible". I also realize that nobody is perfect. So while I may not agree with someone's decision to work instead of staying home, they may not agree with any given decision of mine, either. <br /><br />Of course finances are a consideration in any job situation. If being a nanny will help my finances more than working in the related field of daycare, then that is one completely valid check on the "pro" side of my "pros and cons" list. I also believe that a good nanny is better for a child than a good daycare, which is another check on the "pro" side. These are not the only considerations, nor does my previous post contain a complete list, simply a few examples.<br /><br />Most importantly, I have a wonderful relationship with my employers and my charges. I do not resent my employers in any way. They are wonderful people from whom I have learned many things, and who have helped me in more ways than just a paycheck. My charges are awesome! And yes, I am happy to see them when I pick them up from school, and they always get hugs from me when I pick them up. I have been privileged to be able to help them as they grow and learn and develop their great personalities. I am especially close to the youngest, who I helped learn to walk, talk, use the potty, know the alphabet, write his name, etc. etc. etc. <br /><br />There is a middle ground. I think it is getting lost in this discussion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-36402290720534956552010-11-21T03:11:02.128-05:002010-11-21T03:11:02.128-05:00nycmom..the reason my children still live at home ...nycmom..the reason my children still live at home with me is because they are both 18 & 19 yrs old. My oldest lives on her own, but my youngest live at home with me. I do not think just because you have an 18 & a 19 yr old living at home means your children were coddled. They are living at home because living in a dorm or off campus apt. w/room mates is not a financial option now. The college tuition is very expensive and it is much cheaper for them to live at home.<br />To a mom: that is mean that you knew your nanny wasn't happy being around your children, but you kept her on because it was "convenient" for you. Shame on you for putting your needs first. How could you go to work each day knowing your children were getting sub-par childcare? Your poor children. <br />I think it is pretty obvious the older a child (person in general gets), the more independent they become. Older children have less needs..that is why daycares charge less for an older child. + Older children tend to separate from their parents and assert their independence as well.Just My Two Cents Just Nownoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18141930142436542652010-11-21T02:09:42.374-05:002010-11-21T02:09:42.374-05:00a mom,
I tried to think of a way best to describe ...a mom,<br />I tried to think of a way best to describe my thoughts on your post. A way to be tactful, polite. But I just can't find the words. Wait, yes I can, you're a bitch.<br /><br />And I'm not even a nanny.another momnoreply@blogger.com