tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post8355933491075661767..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Picking Battles is Causing a War for this NannyLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-64690072053289682502011-12-15T02:53:17.222-05:002011-12-15T02:53:17.222-05:00Jedd...
I soooo agree with you! I only work with ...Jedd...<br /><br />I soooo agree with you! I only work with infant multiples born to first time parents for the same exact reason! I've cared for 1 singleton who is an only child and started with him when he was 5 months old. The rest have been twins and triplets. I stay with "my" babies until they start preschool, but still wind up babysitting them for years after, and we don't have any problems at all. Give me my preemie twins and triplets over 1 bratty 3 year old any day!Wownoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-63191390202689254762011-12-14T17:39:18.093-05:002011-12-14T17:39:18.093-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-78323794975641883662011-12-14T17:03:32.630-05:002011-12-14T17:03:32.630-05:00Yes they were things we'd do normally... I jus...Yes they were things we'd do normally... I just didn't make that clear to the little girls ;)<br /><br />The only time I've ever had time outs work was with a very eager to please 6 year old girl. Being time out was like the world crashing down to her... But she also couldn't stand when anyone she loved was upset at her. If only every child had tht personality trait built into them ;)Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-80757175398522778482011-12-14T17:02:53.001-05:002011-12-14T17:02:53.001-05:00Jedd, lol I feel the same way. With the exception...Jedd, lol I feel the same way. With the exception of 1 boy, I've only had infants and toddlers. And my new job STILL hasn't started, we're waiting for Baby C to be born, she was due on Dec 5th!MissMannahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-34725411828851270902011-12-14T17:01:01.213-05:002011-12-14T17:01:01.213-05:00I do see what you mean and I had jumped to the con...I do see what you mean and I had jumped to the conclusion, based on what you previously posted, that you had only tried time-out or scolding them and then gave up and started giving out treats. I am a big proponent of taking away privileges with this age group, or earning them as the case may be...because that is different than earning rewards. Getting to go to a museum or playground isn't a reward because it is something you'd be doing anyway. (I would hope so) But I was under the impression that you were buying them treats or toys every week in exchange for good behavior.<br /><br />As for time-out, I don't use it, simple as that. You showed a perfectly good reason why it doesn't work: the kids rebel and the nanny gets angry and ends up tacking on more punishment. I remember my mom tried time-out with me once and I happened to have a crayon in my pocket at the time...you can imagine what happened then, yep I colored all over the wall to get back at her. She never bothered with time-out again and I've never bothered with it with my charges. Kids either don't care or they get so offended that you leave them by themselves that it causes even more problems.MissMannahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-87351058736470391642011-12-14T16:53:58.331-05:002011-12-14T16:53:58.331-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-1354000691973152652011-12-14T15:47:33.878-05:002011-12-14T15:47:33.878-05:00I have moved to a different state since then so am...I have moved to a different state since then so am under no control of them. <br />But since the parents were on board and everyone loved Friday treats (which were not presets, just things to get excited about anywhere from going to a movie to getting to take a picnic to the park, the fact that they earned it is what made it special). <br /><br />But no I had many other systems, that was the one I suggested to OP. since you asked I'm assuming you're curious or have some compulsive need to know about what else worked/we tried so I'll tell you.<br /><br />There was a 2 yo, two 5 yo and a 7 yo. The face year olds craved attention desperately so we made special time while 2 yo was napping to hang out. They both had a stealing problem and would constantly take their sisters stuff. If that happened then the alone play time with me wouldn't happen that day. This only worked sometimes, other times would say that they don't care and just continue to take more stuff throughout the day. They would also get a toy of theirs taken away for taking a toy that was NOT theirs, if that happened they would say they didnt like the toy I took away anyway (it could be their favorite toy, they just refused to admit it) and keep taking their sisters toys. They had lying problems and if they were caught lying they wouldn't get juice at lunch and instead get water. Then when I was busy doing dishes or something they would sneak into where their parents kept extra juice boxes and take one. If the punishment for that was time out, I would expect an apology and explication of what they did wrong before they could leave time out chairs. They would refuse and ended up spending an hour in time out. Or they would do as i asked but obviously not care. If they were making trouble together then they would have to play in speerate rooms, which meant I could only be with one at a time, when this happened either barbies head would get ripped off, walls would get colored on, toys would get thrown, etc. I couldn't watch both at the same time so the one I wasn't with would do this. Then what? Time out? Taking a toy away? I already told you how both those went. If I tried having a serious talk about how they were upsetting me and why that behavior wasn't okay they would just shoot sarcastic remarks at me. Again... Then what?? I would take away TV privlages and they would be unaffected, I would take away the privlages of getting to pick what music we listened to in the van so they would spend the entire car ride screaming. So again.. How do I punish them for that? When punishments dont affect them? The only thing that worked was positive reinforcement and the pressure the other sisters Put on them to be good so they would get their Friday treat. The 7 yo loves measeums, one week a measeum was the Friday treat plan but the twins were being horrible. The 7 yo told then if they didn't try their best to earn smileys all week she wouldn't let them come lay in bed with her at all (they like sleeping together if one wakes up with a bad dream) and that did more than anything else. So again, since you seemed so curious about my methods and so quick to judge the reward method, there are just a few examples of how and why it worked. I was dealing with two products of unattentive parents, too many nannies and previous nannies who had been all about power trips, and like most people know if you get a power trip with a child and try to control everything they do they will only rebel.Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-87996221162164819722011-12-14T15:15:37.194-05:002011-12-14T15:15:37.194-05:00Have you found no middle ground between time-out a...Have you found no middle ground between time-out and bribery? Wow.<br /><br />I'm not suggesting you do away with your system, I'm suggesting you re-evaluate it but you seem to think that you have all the answers. Well, more power to you, I just hope those girls aren't spoiled brats for their nanny/parents now, expecting a present every time they turn around.MissMannahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-70132094745349045602011-12-14T14:16:11.246-05:002011-12-14T14:16:11.246-05:00Mannah, every child is different and needs to be a...Mannah, every child is different and needs to be addressed differently. I like that system because I've seen it work. I suggest that if you think that system links too closely to bribery, than don't use it.<br /><br />The difference is I'm an adult, not a 5 year old who clearly isn't responding to negative treatment /punishment and needs some kind of insentive to put her best foot forward.Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-13100755273588824582011-12-14T13:38:23.483-05:002011-12-14T13:38:23.483-05:00Army Wife, you said:
"I know that works for m...Army Wife, you said:<br />"I know that works for me, so why wouldn't I give a child a chance to earn what in their world is equivalent to that?"<br /><br />You were talking about your JOB, not your day to day life. This is where I see a distinct difference. If you were doling out rewards for the girls doing actual WORK, that would be a totally different story. This is why we give children allowances, we give them a chance to earn money/rewards. Giving them rewards for doing what they are supposed to anyway (aka: not talking back or going potty) is bribery. And it is patronising to them. If I want to use your example, then your husband would give you a reward every time you folded socks or cooked dinner without kicking up a fuss about it.<br /><br />Strawberry, the reason Nanny 911 appears to be a god is because she is only with a family for 5 days and the footage is edited to hell and condensed down to 1 hour.MissMannahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-68741180747917509582011-12-13T22:50:05.904-05:002011-12-13T22:50:05.904-05:00Jedd that made me laugh, I like your witty comment...Jedd that made me laugh, I like your witty comments!<br />But I agree, either way you are probably on borrowed time OP. (now that I actually know what OP means..)Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-3099726292209679272011-12-13T21:35:00.298-05:002011-12-13T21:35:00.298-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-40048932907108307212011-12-13T20:06:11.807-05:002011-12-13T20:06:11.807-05:00I am not sure which side of the fence I am on abou...I am not sure which side of the fence I am on about the stick/reward system but from what ArmyWife has described her methods, it sounds a lot like verbal praise, just in a tangible form. In that case, I think it makes sense. Originally I didn't like the idea of the sticker thing because, like Miss Mannah, I thought it seemed very biased. I still think that's true but a lot of what adults say to children is biased and they don't even realize it. <br /><br />Anyway, I watch Nanny 911 and she has used this system before and it seems to work. I think Nanny 911 is like God in the childcare world so I guess I would think that it would work, for most children anyway. But again, I think it depends on the specific child. I think that it could also backfire on you if you had a bratty child. You could say "If you get more happy faces than sad faces, on Friday we will go out for ice cream" and a child could say "I don't like ice cream so I'm gonna be bad." Don't lie, we all have probably heard children say things like this, just to test us. Idk who on this earth doesn't like ice cream, but that's just an example :)StrawberryShortKakeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13059483611990265845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-3958005781823800782011-12-13T19:22:31.201-05:002011-12-13T19:22:31.201-05:00Continued-
Also, with the sticker/treat method it...Continued- <br />Also, with the sticker/treat method it's all or nothing. They all work together to earn it, or they all are the reason that they didn't earn it. They encourage each other to use their manners, be polite, not talk back, put their breakfast dishes in the sink, get dressed when asked, used the potty when asked..etc. I'm sure you know nothing is as powerful as one child encouraging another. It goes worlds farther than me saying 'go get dressed' when their sister says 'maybe if we all get dressed fast we will earn stickers' and it shows a lesson for later in life. If you do what is right and what is expected of you, life can reward you. All those reasons are why I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with something like that. They worked very hard to earn their treat every week. Why shouldn't that hard work be rewarded?<br /><br />As for the stickers being affected by my mood? I woke up happy to go to work every morning. If I woke up cranky, coffee and a morning walk with my puppy before work fixed that. I would become crabby during the day if it was a constant battle to get anything done, so my mood didn't really dictate the sticker chart. Yes, if I was grumpy there were usually more sad faces that day then smiley, but that's because I because grumpy for whatever reasons I had to put the sad faces on the chart. I would never give a sad face because I was grumpy. If one hit another, I might be less patient to deal with it than usual if I had already had a bad day, but that would earn a sad face regardless of what mood I was in. I'm sure I might have given a few happy faces out loosely if I was an expectational mood. One time in particular I gave 4 :) faces (one for each girl) because they all tried very hard at gymnastics. If I was in a horrible mood would I have done that? Probably not, but earlier issues in the day would be the reasoning for the horrible mood so they wouldn't have deserved extra stickers anyway.<br /><br />I hope those explanations help understand why I do believe for some children it is a great method :) Like I said, every child is different and need to be treated that way.Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-55596818642775538162011-12-13T19:22:04.234-05:002011-12-13T19:22:04.234-05:00MissMannah, children are people also. Not machines...MissMannah, children are people also. Not machines. They certainly don't behave just because it's expected of them. Don't get me wrong, most children are generally well behaved and the threat of a parent/loved one being upset or worse a time out is usually enough. With some children, that's not the case. The 5 y/o twin girls who led me to create my sticker chart were not the kind of children that need to please. They are very stubborn hard headed girls (not all together bad qualities in my opinion) I could put them in time out and in 5 minutes ask if they were ready to discuss what had happened to earn them the time out, and they would refuse. They would constantly tattle tell on their younger and older sisters, make things up about them, hide possessions, break toys on purpose, and cause other issues. They also had many good qualities- those are just some of the few negative that led me to the sticker chart. 30$ for 4 kids isn't bad for a treat, considering these parents were wealthy enough to pay me double what most people were getting. Not to mention if they would have had an issue they would have told me about it. The reason I didn't do set behavior negatives or positives for the chart is because it basically just wasn't fair. I did start that way, but why should remembering to say please and thank you all day earn a smiley face and getting an A on a spelling test not? There are just too many good things that a child can do to make you proud to narrow it down to a few. That also is the same to be said about the negatives. If you push your sister down and call her stupid then you deserve to get a sad face whether or not it's a listed behavior issue. <br /><br />I am a great nanny for the one year old I currently watch for a few reasons: I love him, his parents are incredible and deserve to know he is happy and well taken care of all day, I want the future good reference so the next place my husband and I are stationed I know I will find a good job, I want a raise at the time of my yearly performance evaluation and I want decent bonuses. Everyone who has raise and bonus incentives knows it is what makes them go from good, or even great, to over the top excellent at their job. I know that works for me, so why wouldn't I give a child a chance to earn what in their world is equivalent to that? Telling them to behave because it's expected of them will not work for some children, especially strong willed ones. Which I think is fine, every child is different and should be treated differently.Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-83568268978637906782011-12-13T17:51:59.972-05:002011-12-13T17:51:59.972-05:00Army Wife, I disagree with your sticker/treat meth...Army Wife, I disagree with your sticker/treat method. First of all, it borders on bribery. Children should behave because it is expected of them, not because they want a $30 treat at the end of the week. (dollar sign goes BEFORE the number, not after) Also, the way you do the stickers sound very arbitrary and kind of based off your own moods, rather than their behavior. What if you're just feeling like an old grouch? (face it, we all have those days) The girls are less likely to get a smilie face sticker because you might judge their behavior more harshly than on days where maybe you got a restful night's sleep and are feeling more patient.<br /><br />It is my opinion that if you are going to do a sticker reward system, it needs to be for something very specific. For example, when I had the 4-year-old boy, he used to dawdle terribly while getting ready for school and finally I got fed up nagging him every morning. So I would set out his clothes and breakfast and backpack and set the timer for 30 minutes. If he had time left over after getting everything done, he got to watch some TV (parents approved) and got a sticker on his calendar. If not, then I gathered shoes/socks/whatever up and he had to finish getting ready in the car. Trust me, that only happened a couple of times.MissMannahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-65348378301186507342011-12-13T17:17:49.958-05:002011-12-13T17:17:49.958-05:00When you've been a nanny for awhile you pick u...When you've been a nanny for awhile you pick up on things red flags if you will and in my opinion there are little red flags all over this situation. OP should learn from this experience and find a job elsewhere hopefully before she is kicked out. There is no telling when and where MB will give her her 3rd strike.Annenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-53772507512244273112011-12-13T15:44:59.175-05:002011-12-13T15:44:59.175-05:00I dont think I really see where MB is being horrib...I dont think I really see where MB is being horrible. This is a really complex relationship and it sounds like she's being a little over the top but not ridiculously. You getting into<br />A lift without both kids should never happen, regardless of how. Which could be solved by the constant hand holding rule. I think you just weren't prepared for the difficulty 5 year old girls come with. How could you be if you haven't worked with them before? They can definitely be monsters! <br /><br />Here's what I'm seeing from MB point of view-<br />She is told by both children you pushed one of ten but understand it's a misunderstanding, you are seen not holding hands with them in a dangerous area, one is found on a channel she shouldn't be on, S isn't on the left when you and J are and gets left... Obviously they were all accidents and MB needs to understand that, but at the same time I can see how she would feel he need to have that talk with you if that has all happened in a 4 month period. I'm sure you are a wonderful nanny! I'm not saying you aren't doing your job or that MB was justified in hurting your feelings, I'm just saying I think you new to look at it from her prospective. I'm on my iPhone do of there are tons of typos that's why!! HahaArmy Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-45190273769586262482011-12-13T12:23:43.709-05:002011-12-13T12:23:43.709-05:00Also, it sounds like the parents really want you t...Also, it sounds like the parents really want you to work out. They aren't trying to be hurtful and it sounds like they understand mistakes happen like forgetting to hold hands. It would only take a second for one of the<br /> To run off, ignore protests against hand holding and make it clear you will all stay still until their hands are both held. Inform the parents of this so they know you're being proactive with it and are going to find a solution to that disagreement S has about hand holding.Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-8624079751852095872011-12-13T12:11:20.394-05:002011-12-13T12:11:20.394-05:00Try and develope a system of discipline and reward...Try and develope a system of discipline and reward. The parents seem supportive which is great. Get both children in on it. That is what I did when I nannied four little girls, two of them bratty. Make sure it's a group effort so both children are rewarded together or have their reward taken away together. I did a sticker chart- If I was treated in an unkind way or if I had to repeat myself over and over, or if they did something mean to eachother, they would get a sad face sticker. (basically anytime I had to seriously take a breath and calm myself because one of them was being so bratty they got the sad face) then when one of them would do something great, like help their sibling or help me pick up toys, do what they were asked with a smile, or anything I just found generally pleasant, they got a smile sticker. <br /><br />The reward would be a really fun activity or treat to be given Friday afternoon, I would tell them what it was on Monday so they knew what they were working toward all week. On Friday we would count up all the faces and if the good outweighed the bad faces, they got their treat after school, if they didn't then there was no treat. (thats why you tell them <br />Monday, so they are actually sad of they don't get it) It only took area times of them missing out on going to get ice cream or going to the amusement park for them to realize I meant it. Also make sure to get the parents in on it, my employers had a 30$ limit for Friday treats so I kept it in that range. Hopefully yours are willing to pay for the treat.Army Wifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-36544237686866086532011-12-13T10:30:10.340-05:002011-12-13T10:30:10.340-05:00I'm sorry to read this Op. I had a bad feeling...I'm sorry to read this Op. I had a bad feeling when he started the laundry complaints and that they've had so many nannies.<br /><br />This may be dishonest, but do you need to even discuss them with a new family? Can you still get a great reference from your nursery job? If you can use them and try to get a job caring for a baby or toddler since you have that experience.<br /><br />If possible maybe go back to working at the nursery or another one just to be out of this situation.<br /><br />Can't add much in the way of advice, but maybe next nanny job you can ask for a reference from a previous nanny or caregive. I always do this and it's been very helpful to me.<br /><br />Good luck!Annenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-69271076335594544822011-12-13T02:16:58.924-05:002011-12-13T02:16:58.924-05:00When mum said about them not holding my hand I exp...When mum said about them not holding my hand I explained to her that they were practically standing on me so I didn't feel the need. I also said I understood that their saftey is the most important thing and that I couldn't begin to imagine how much she worries leaving her children with a stranger etc. I reminded her of the times when the children have "told" on me for forcing them to hold my hands, and this was obviously just a one off where DB was unfortunate enough to see. She said that there can't be one offs when it comes to safety, and that the one off time cos be the time that they fall onto the tracks. Let me also state that we were standing far back from the tracks, they were nowhere near them! <br /><br />I didn't find this family through an agency. I found them through gumtree. I don't know if you guys have that in the states, but I think its like craigslist. The most upsetting thing is that I absolutely LOVED this job up until last week. I am going to start looking for an agency to join.OPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-60987593183078366972011-12-12T22:18:11.392-05:002011-12-12T22:18:11.392-05:00I disagree with Tales. Although I think that is th...I disagree with Tales. Although I think that is the more professional thing to do, I think that leaving them in the dark with many questions makes it looks like you have something to hide. Yes, they can come to you with any questions, people don't always do that. If I were you, I would put it all on the table and explain what happened so that they don't have any doubt. Tell them briefly that things didn't work out but also be more specific. Saying that things didn't work out is just too vague and makes it seem that it could have been your fault. You could always say that you were just not a good fit for the family but that also seems a bit concerning to me.StrawberryShortKakeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13059483611990265845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-59791138782885322662011-12-12T20:53:11.873-05:002011-12-12T20:53:11.873-05:00When you start job hunting, you need to be very......When you start job hunting, you need to be very...passionless...when you discuss why you left. DO NOT blame the kid(s) or the parents. In your shoes I would say, "After several months, we realized we were not a good fit, and decided to part ways." If the potential employers press you, I would say, "I'm not comfortable discussing specifics because I want to preserve my former employers privacy. If you have specific questions after speaking with them, I will be happy to answer those questions."Tales from the (Nanny)Hoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14266117417206315356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-77575179619516412472011-12-12T20:42:43.900-05:002011-12-12T20:42:43.900-05:00You need to leave. I can't see this child'...You need to leave. I can't see this child's behavior improving if the parents aren't supporting you.<br />Did you find this job through an agency? If so, and they placed the previous nannies with this family, they are aware that this is a difficult family to work for. They will place you with a new family. If you don't have an agency find a good one. If you explain your situation with this family they will advise you on how to handle the reference situation.Manhattan Nannynoreply@blogger.com