tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post7580812888725906753..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Playdates: How long is too long?Leigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-79601561896536988492010-07-31T05:21:55.084-04:002010-07-31T05:21:55.084-04:00How much extra should I, as a nanny, be getting pa...How much extra should I, as a nanny, be getting paid for one extra child for a drop off playdate? I watch a 10 year old girl with down sydrome and her 7 year old brother @ 14/hr. Sometimes it's a boy for the boy, but sometimes it's another girl with special needs, for the girl.Nannyof2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-60513019468551011642008-07-24T11:09:00.000-04:002008-07-24T11:09:00.000-04:00School age kids have drop off dates. My older cha...School age kids have drop off dates. My older charges would be humiliated if I stayed!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-89155951020143373382008-07-24T02:05:00.000-04:002008-07-24T02:05:00.000-04:00OP, A playdate is about 1-2 hours and the mother o...OP, <BR/><BR/>A playdate is about 1-2 hours and the mother or nanny of the children must be present. <BR/><BR/>You need to make money if you are left alone with the kids. Otherwise, you are being taken advantage of.<BR/><BR/>I speak from experience. I am a nanny and my boss had me watch her friend's daughter (in addition to her kids) for three hours every Thrursday for about three months. I never received any compensation. Don't let this happen to you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-49861640538438931102008-07-23T11:56:00.000-04:002008-07-23T11:56:00.000-04:00No Sara, that is not correct.A playdate need not h...No Sara, that is not correct.<BR/><BR/>A playdate need not have the parents there. Personally, I prefer the age when children can be dropped off. <BR/><BR/>A playdate MUST be reciprocated.<BR/><BR/>I would call the person or stop her as she is leaving with her child and said, "Mary is free next Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. Which of those days would work for you to host?"<BR/><BR/>The end.<BR/><BR/>Trust me on this. When you are 80 years old, you aren't going to like looking back and realizing you didn't simply speak up about this. And who is this bitch to try and get one over on you?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-29655964410988320012008-07-23T10:30:00.000-04:002008-07-23T10:30:00.000-04:00I think that when kids have playdates, the parent ...I think that when kids have playdates, the parent of the other child is expected to stay there the whole time and supervise their child. Otherwise it isn't a "playdate," it is you babysitting another family's kids! You should tell your employers about this and come up with another activity so you don't get stuck with someone else's children while not being compensated for it.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13911069389176759976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-10670325348181453312008-07-23T00:01:00.001-04:002008-07-23T00:01:00.001-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Kelseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14757942067951645910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-62901998159328791092008-07-23T00:01:00.000-04:002008-07-23T00:01:00.000-04:00Whenever I host playdates that are going to be ove...Whenever I host playdates that are going to be over a certain amount of time, my boss always makes sure to tell the other mom that I'll need to be paid for the extra time. I watch a 3 year old so long playdates are not ideal, especially with naps. <BR/>I had it happen once where a mom dropped off her 3 year old and 5 year old, with out any prior notice at all. I had to find a way to watch the other woman's children while still finding a way to put my charge down for a nap. That was the last time that happened. <BR/>Just say you want extra money if your going to be watching other kids for a time over what you agree on.Kelseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14757942067951645910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-4878603993122191072008-07-22T23:34:00.000-04:002008-07-22T23:34:00.000-04:00Similar situation happened to me.I was just suppos...Similar situation happened to me.<BR/><BR/>I was just supposed to be doing a 5-week temp job during the summer before the mom's kids went to another state to be with their dad the second half of the summer. It was for 2 kids. The second to last week I was due to be there one of the boy's friends came over for like the last 3 days of the week for the entire day. He also would not bring a swimsuit, so we couldn't go swimming. The little girl couldn't have any friends over because none of them were old enough to sit in the front seat and he took the third seat in the back. Or his mom didn't give him any petty cash so we couldn't stop for lunch or anything. It really limited what we could do. Plus the first two kids I was responsible for were the brattiest kids I have ever encountered, so I already had enough to deal with! Well on Friday I had heard the moms say something when she dropped him off about the "next week". <BR/><BR/>At the end of the day I confronted the mom I worked for. I explained it wasn't fair to the kids because of the reasons I mentioned above (limited where they could go/do, daughter couldn't have a friend over, etc), not fair to her because she was paying me to watch her kids and I had to divide my attention, and unfair to me to watch an additional child with no compensation. I was only making like $60 a day, so I suggested she have the other mom give me $30/day for the days she had the kid over.<BR/><BR/>Then I was made to feel like crap because it turned out he was over because his grandmother, who was usually his childcare provider, was in the hospital! His mom really gave me guilt-inspiring looks when she paid me. And of course they didn't pay me for the 3 days I had already had him... <BR/><BR/>But I said something and the situation was at least somewhat alleviated!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-12931181935539372008-07-22T23:27:00.000-04:002008-07-22T23:27:00.000-04:00I schedule my play dates according to my schedule ...I schedule my play dates according to my schedule for my charges, so pretty much the slot for playing time is just that, it doesn't go over because I move on with my schedule, and a nanny always comes along; afterall who is going to watch the other children. I watch my 2 (I specialize in twins)<BR/>So needless to say there is no dropping off.<BR/>No more than 2 hours because I don't like sitting around twidling my thumbs making small talk with any nannies. I usually have lots of things to do, albeit self imposed.<BR/><BR/>My last job, my employer didn't know this rule of mine and asked if her friend could drop off a playdate. I said 'excuse me?' <BR/> I didn't understand what she meant, then she explained. I declined and that was the end of that.<BR/>Every other playdate came with a sitter.<BR/><BR/>I don't appreciate when parents run off to make playdates without the nanny knowing- afterall who is going to watch them?<BR/>That being said, I enjoy the linited time playdates because I do love to see how my charges interact with other children.mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12893926009319533804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18938414020481900202008-07-22T23:22:00.000-04:002008-07-22T23:22:00.000-04:00Playdate approach varies by age in my house. The ...Playdate approach varies by age in my house. The rule of thumb I use with my seven year old is that playdates must be reciprocated, or my Nanny does not do them. So, if she supervises another child for four hours, she can count on having the opportunity to have that Mom or Nanny give her a break and supervise my daughter for four hours another day. A four hour playdate is not unusual for age 6 or older children, especially on vacation days. <BR/><BR/>For my four year old, there are no drop off playdates, so either that child's Mom or Nanny comes with, or it doesn't happen. Most of my four year old's playdates are "meet you at the park/pool/pizza parlor/etc. playdates" for that reason. My nanny arranges playdates since she knows her schedule best, but I ask her to write down the playdates and to not to arrange for a playdate for my older child with a new playmate without discussing with me--not because I question her judgement, but becuase I want to make sure that playmate's caregiver is someone I would allow to supervise a playdate with my child at their home. If the answer is no (and there are some nannies and Moms I would not want supervising my child), playdates with that child are restricted to weekends when I can supervise rather than have my nanny end up being their free babysitter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-65163233311184212042008-07-22T22:41:00.000-04:002008-07-22T22:41:00.000-04:00Do you have any say about who you have playdates w...Do you have any say about who you have playdates with, or are they scheduled for you? There are many nannies in my area, and it is lots of fun to organise playdates with them. The nannies get a chance to talk or organise big group games (tomorrow we're having a water balloon fight!), and the kids have fun playing with each other.<BR/><BR/>If you have the freedom to organise the playdates yourself, it could help a lot if you do so :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-24515323871960077732008-07-22T22:09:00.000-04:002008-07-22T22:09:00.000-04:00Play dates are play dates if the host child is inv...Play dates are play dates if the host child is invited to the other child's house the next time. If your charge isn't "paid back" you are babysitting.<BR/>Toddlers and preschoolers are usually accompanied by a mom/nanny who pitches in with supervision, clean up etc. Drop offs with school age children are usually easy, the kids entertain themselves, you just have to make some good snacks. The etiquette is, when you leave a play date, you and your charge help pickup and put away the toys.<BR/>It sounds like you are being used as a babysitter. In a situation like the child who's nanny was out sick. Your employer should have asked you if you were willing to take the child for the day, and her mother should have paid you. Nanny salaries are based on the number of children they care for. If you were caring for two, three or four children, your hourly rate would be accordingly higher. If it was a play date, then that mom owes you a free day!<BR/>Sit down and have a talk with your employer. Now that you know the other families, maybe you can start setting up some of the play dates yourself, and you will have more control over the length.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-86778694855300820442008-07-22T21:48:00.000-04:002008-07-22T21:48:00.000-04:00I agree with many that you are being taken advanta...I agree with many that you are being taken advantage of. Especially with the woman who's sitter called in sick! Could she not have just phoned you earlier and told you that instead of passing it off as a playdate?? You should talk to your employer definitely. Tell them that you love having kids at the house but are beginning to feel like your kindness is being taken advantage of. If they are good employers they will offer you a helpful solution in dealing with their friends.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-20077855432865187352008-07-22T21:14:00.000-04:002008-07-22T21:14:00.000-04:00I think the first thing to do is talk with your em...I think the first thing to do is talk with your employers about the good parts of hosting "playgroup", and then add that their child is having difficulties when xyz happens.<BR/><BR/>If your bosses are happily pimping you out to their friends who need childcare, they will be happy about the good stuff, and brush off the bad stuff. At that point, you can tell them you'd like their friends to pay $X per hour upfront when they drop their kids off, and that you will be instituting a $5 per minute late fee. Explain that doubling or tripling your workload must be compensated.<BR/><BR/>If your bosses DON'T know their "friends" are using you, they will likely be disturbed by the bad effects on their child, and will hopefully speak to their friends about limiting playdates to 1.5 - 2 hours, and then insist on reciprocation.<BR/><BR/>I am likely reading between the lines here, but the impression I get from your post is that scenario #1 is more than likely the case. If so, and outrage occurs when you ask to be paid by their friends, you may be in the position of having to decide to either suck it up and stay, or give notice and leave.chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-15729833036274458112008-07-22T20:50:00.000-04:002008-07-22T20:50:00.000-04:00Maybe it's a different situation if your charge is...Maybe it's a different situation if your charge is younger than my 21 month old son, but I would be unhappy if anyone assumed that his nanny was going to be watching anyone but him at a playdate. Her role (which she does fabulously) is to take care of/teach/play with my son, and not to spread her attention on other children for hours at a time.dfieldshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03568248516459915330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-73550217907562938082008-07-22T20:20:00.000-04:002008-07-22T20:20:00.000-04:00This used to happen to me all the time at my previ...This used to happen to me all the time at my previous position. I was the lone nanny in a class full of stay at home mothers and was always pleased to host one of my charge's classmates. However, it began to get out of hand. My charge was a 5 year old girl and her playmates moms used to use us as a drop in daycare - we're talking 5-6 hour play dates ONLY at our house. Poor K used to get sad because she never was never invited to anyones house! <BR/><BR/>I was never sure of the proper etiquette but informed my boss of how I felt and was given permission to address the issue. The next time a play date was requested, I accepted but made it clear that our hospitality had to be reciprocated. Of course, I would stay and supervise K but she deserved to get to play with someone else's toys once in a while! If someone needed coverage (a kid home sick, an unexpected doctor's appointment, etc.) for a longer period of time, I would be happy to help on occasion, with my employers' consent, but it would not be a weekly thing.<BR/><BR/>K got to visit her friends houses, the nonsense stopped, and parents who were unwilling to respect my employers' wishes... well, their children stopped coming over.<BR/><BR/>Please speak to your employer and let her know what is going on; you're not trying to duck your responsibilities, you are looking out for the best interest of a child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-42823575608447670422008-07-22T19:00:00.000-04:002008-07-22T19:00:00.000-04:00MPP your birthday story rings a bell...and not sur...MPP your birthday story rings a bell...and not surprisingly, I'm sure, reminds me of a specific incident. (The people who did the hours late pickup trick to me didn't get an invite the next year. That's how we solved that.) <BR/><BR/>We had one neighbor, who was actually an excellent mother, and sort of a friend...but her middle son had some severe emotional problems...as in, he was sometimes completely uncontrollable...even for the parents. In fact, when he misbehaved in public (and sometimes his misbehavior was horrific) they were actually better off to let him go on doing whatever it was than to correct him, because that presented the danger of him screeching and flailing uncontrollably...so much so that he could not even be picked up and carted off safely. I felt so bad for the parents and made sure mom got playgroup invitations and the like, when others sometimes tried to exclude them...because I knew it was not her fault and that she was already overwhelmed and at wits end, and I thought being ostricized would make it all the worse. Her other two kids were perfectly sweet and well behaved. It was not a parenting issue at all (which I have far less patience for.) <BR/><BR/>Anyway, my son was having a birthday party with a Power Ranger performer and had invited only her oldest child. The middle son was not even anywhere in his age range, so this made perfect sense. Well, in the middle of the party she called to say her middle son was having a fit because he wanted to see the Power Ranger, and could he come to the party too? Of course I said he could come...assuming she would be there to handle him, of course, because it was a no brainer that he needed her assistance at all times. A few minutes late the child showed up at my door, ALONE, and it was a complete nightmare trying to conduct a party and take care of him too...because he needed CONSTANT care. I called her after a little bit and told her he was on his way back home. She seemed surprised...but GOOD GRIEF. <BR/><BR/>I can't remember for sure, but I believe she may have then come back and attended the party with him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-82076284181387455342008-07-22T18:29:00.000-04:002008-07-22T18:29:00.000-04:00I am very fortunate that my employers, when it is ...I am very fortunate that my employers, when it is their turn to host a playdate, do it when they are available to be home.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-91190415454184543372008-07-22T15:50:00.000-04:002008-07-22T15:50:00.000-04:00LindalouYeah, I'm still learning, lol. I have now ...Lindalou<BR/>Yeah, I'm still learning, lol. I have now figured out that it is actually customary for the kids to be dropped off at the Birthday child's house .... I just didn't know about it beforehand!MaryPoppin'Pillshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01493804863551764605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-91881075707792315822008-07-22T14:02:00.000-04:002008-07-22T14:02:00.000-04:00Good point JessGood point JessAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-89244148238466461012008-07-22T13:44:00.000-04:002008-07-22T13:44:00.000-04:00Perhaps you should address this with your employer...Perhaps you should address this with your employer. Perhaps your employer is reaping some sort of benefit from the extended childcare you are providing the charge. Perhaps the family is giving back on the weekends, when you are not around?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-48680780141221922762008-07-22T13:42:00.000-04:002008-07-22T13:42:00.000-04:00That is totally unacceptable! And I can't believe ...That is totally unacceptable! And I can't believe these parents don't feel bad about it. Really tacky! In my opinion, you are definitely being taken advantage of. I would talk to you employer and let her know that you need to paid by these other parents when they leave their kids for extended periods of time - and more than an hour is an extended period of time. It sounds like you are doing a nanny share but only getting paid by one family.kathleencareshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11539584061260694517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-15151012397033738122008-07-22T13:20:00.000-04:002008-07-22T13:20:00.000-04:00i think you're being taken advantage of. as a sahm...i think you're being taken advantage of. as a sahm, i've also had that happen and had to put my foot down. if you want me to baby-sit your child all day, don't call it a *playdate*. a playdate only lasts a few hours. ime, with preschool aged children, the caregiver sticks around. for older kids, drop off and pick up at a specified time that we both agree to.<BR/><BR/>mpp, sorry about your birthday party experience. i think with birthday parties you should expect drop offs, but you should also expect that the child will be picked up when you specified, not HOURS late. good grief!LindaLouhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04239784260751485530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-90001710356743012612008-07-22T12:43:00.000-04:002008-07-22T12:43:00.000-04:00Anything over 3 hours to me, as a nanny, would be ...Anything over 3 hours to me, as a nanny, would be completely unacceptable. Especially if you are not being paid! Your employer should not be "loaning" you out to her friends so they can all go out together. At the last family I nannied for, the mom would always ask me at least 2 or 3 days in advance if I wouldn't mind watching one other child, the daughter of a friend, for a few hours. It was never more than the length of a movie and lunch, and she always made sure I was comfortable with it. That's how it should be done.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-54581072014589708932008-07-22T12:40:00.000-04:002008-07-22T12:40:00.000-04:00why do you just tell the other kids parents that n...why do you just tell the other kids parents that next week you will bring your kid over for a whole day play..while you go shopping...lolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com