tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post7158525620324570989..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Is it a Game... or is Nanny Hurting Child?Leigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-15277635177827408612009-10-21T23:06:35.252-04:002009-10-21T23:06:35.252-04:00I am a teacher whose position was cut, so I am nan...I am a teacher whose position was cut, so I am nannying for this school year. I think you should install a nannycam. As a nanny, I would not be offended by this and as a parent with concerns, you certainly have that right. It may be innocent and she uses the word "bonk" when your toddler falls down and bumps himself, but you can't be certain. If the people I work for had concerns I would rather them install a nannycam and see that I am not doing anything to cause harm to their children then be accused of doing so. Hope this helps!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02212782868663162102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-17991090147871678472009-09-22T16:26:19.030-04:002009-09-22T16:26:19.030-04:00I want to mention the game of little rabbit foo fo...I want to mention the game of little rabbit foo foo, the only use of the verb to bonk that a child would know. I am a mother of 3 now 15,18,20 yrs old and the only bonking i can remember was in funZoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01758375588362900040noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-17019582881013905682009-04-09T13:42:00.000-04:002009-04-09T13:42:00.000-04:00So how about an update, OP? What else is going on?...So how about an update, OP? What else is going on?fox in socksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-69382029813203284722009-04-09T01:12:00.000-04:002009-04-09T01:12:00.000-04:00well, i'm a little surprised and sad by this post....well, i'm a little surprised and sad by this post. i'm not sure why op is avoiding a confrontation...? i have a zero tolerance policy regarding my children's safety... what are you waiting for? just odd, is all.jazzminenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-71959422264198632802009-04-08T21:28:00.000-04:002009-04-08T21:28:00.000-04:00I'm a nanny who is really paranoid about nanny cam...I'm a nanny who is really paranoid about nanny cams, not because I ever do anything bad but because the thought of being watched gives me the heebie jeebies; that said, a nanny cam sounds like the best idea here. Nanny's "bonking" may not be an issue in terms of your baby's immediate health, but a game in which your nanny even pretends to harm your child as punishment isn't cool. Regardless of whether she is physically harming your child or not, a game built around corporal punishment can be psychologically damaging.Late Commentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-4147598315451760602009-04-06T09:47:00.000-04:002009-04-06T09:47:00.000-04:00OP, I'm glad you reposted with an update. Thanks....OP, I'm glad you reposted with an update. Thanks. However, I still think you can't be too sure. If one child thinks that the nanny is doing something that "isn't very nice" with your other child, this is a huge red flag. It's an enormous tip off. I would not take it lightly myself. <BR/><BR/>I would never think it's a good idea to say to your nanny that you know your child is prone to exaggeration, the way SandM suggests. This is just fodder for children not being believed when it is important to take seriously what they are saying.<BR/><BR/>I highly doubt, OP, that your child was mistaken when reporting to you that what the nanny did wasn't very nice. <BR/><BR/>It's too easy for all of us to remain comfortable with our child care arrangements and it's hard for us to accept that it may be less than perfect, because we've invested in the person, we've trusted them, and it's hard for us to accept that there could be another side to things. <BR/><BR/>If you ask me, if your children are raising red flags, you'd better well pay close attention.<BR/><BR/>Children may not be able to explain things as perfectly as adults, but they are raising a concern, and this should be addressed.<BR/><BR/>Personally I wasn't too comforted hearing the story of "nanny wouldn't let me take a nap" either. I personally wouldn't dismiss this story as "my daughter's feelings were hurt" and assume she is just "at an age where she exaggerates" and tells tales. Instead, my reading of this story is that she was feeling humiliated because she did something wrong. She didn't want to come out of her room and probably did just want to nap. What I see this story as telling us is: nanny didn't handle this well, and your daughter felt humiliated. <BR/><BR/>OP, I would take your children's comments very seriously. They are trying to tell you something. Please don't dismiss it or find ways of explaining it away.fox in socksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-53873319708121521182009-04-05T02:53:00.000-04:002009-04-05T02:53:00.000-04:00don't let her know you're onto her. she'll start a...don't let her know you're onto her. she'll start acting on her best behavior. ask your daughter about where it happens then set up a nanny cam. Please let us know what happens.stillneedamonikernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-6757108716515703952009-04-05T02:37:00.000-04:002009-04-05T02:37:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-47742107671663158122009-04-04T21:08:00.000-04:002009-04-04T21:08:00.000-04:00Nanny Cam definately! It's probably harmless, but...Nanny Cam definately! It's probably harmless, but you never know... just think about all the previous posts where caregivers do little hidden things to punish kids...pinches, or discreet smacks... you can't be too careful!!!!!!!!!! How do you know she's not upset that the child won't go to the diaper chaning area on their own and is taking frustration out on the child?Can't be too carefulnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-6307560145533887492009-04-04T16:35:00.000-04:002009-04-04T16:35:00.000-04:00I am a nanny and sometimes kids get me crazy aroun...I am a nanny and sometimes kids get me crazy around (like the 2y old who doesn't sleep until her parents come -even if it's midnight) but I don't see ANY excuse to bonk a child's head in the wall.<BR/>Put a nanny cam and after what you see, talk to her about it,having proof of what she does.no moniker, no excusenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-67356767249022421412009-04-04T14:20:00.000-04:002009-04-04T14:20:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18354846623789000612009-04-03T12:31:00.000-04:002009-04-03T12:31:00.000-04:00Just saw OPs update! That's great!I would still ap...Just saw OPs update! That's great!<BR/>I would still approach your nanny and just let her know that YOU konw your dd is prone to exaggeration, and that if there are disciplinary things that happen during the day time, or things like wild tantrums, to write them down or let you know. Then you have the other half of the story before you have time to panic or worry about what happened. When I was a nanny, I kept a journal about our day, because I know it isn't always possible to sit and talk to the parents at the end of the day.SandMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-6137151867709742012009-04-03T12:24:00.000-04:002009-04-03T12:24:00.000-04:00I think getting a nanny cam is a VERY bad and ridi...I think getting a nanny cam is a VERY bad and ridiculous idea. Just ask her! You trust her with your children, you should definitely be able to approach and talk to her about this! A nanny cam will only make you constantly suspicious. If you have had no reason to believe she was not a good nanny until this thing, then just ask her! <BR/><BR/>Personally, the first thing I thought was "scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the heads" from a nursery song. It is probably her way of playing with him through a temper tantrum, distracting him, or otherwise being an adult where a child is losing their control over himself.<BR/><BR/>If you get a nanny cam, you are asking for trouble. And by that I mean, starting a chain of assuming the worst, looking for the worst, and not trusting the person who is helping you raise your kids.SandMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-16698129773234759642009-04-03T11:34:00.000-04:002009-04-03T11:34:00.000-04:00OP, I'm with you. It's nice once in awhile to see ...OP, I'm with you. It's nice once in awhile to see everyone lend support and advice and not just rip you a new one. <BR/><BR/>I'm glad you talked more in depth with your child and are starting to feel better about the situation. Sometimes it takes discussing it with them a few times over the course of a couple days to get the real story!Momma Lynnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-1669592492774561312009-04-03T11:17:00.000-04:002009-04-03T11:17:00.000-04:00Ok...I chatted with my oldest again last night. I...Ok...I chatted with my oldest again last night. I asked "Did nanny bonk M today at all?" and she said "nope. Not at all." so I asked "so the other day when she bonked him, do you think she was being mean and mad at him? Or do you think she was being silly and teasing him with a game?" She said "playing a game, but it wasn't very nice!" So I'm starting to feel better about it. I think it was probably playful and M was tantruming and he doesn't like playful and screams louder if you get goofy with him when he is mad.<BR/>Also--I remembered a story my oldest told a few weeks ago...."nanny wouldn't let me take a nap." At first I was like "huh? Why not?" and she kept saying. "I don't know, but she wouldn't and she got mad at me for trying to nap." So finally after asking a million questions, it came out that shortly before lunch my oldest got sent to her room for hitting her sister. When nanny came back to get her and talk to her about hitting, my oldest was under her covers and said "I'm just trying to sleep, leave me alone." Nanny told her she had to get up, it was lunch time and she needed to eat before taking a nap. And my daughters feelings were hurt by this. So she cried that "Nanny wouldn't let me nap." SOOOOOO--I'm totally thinking she's at an age where she exagerates and tattle tales. <BR/>My husband and I are talking to nanny about it tonight and still going to get a nanny cam this weekend...but I am feeling MUCH better. <BR/><BR/>Thanks EVERYONE for all the support and good advice. I totally appreciate it and I'm glad I totally didn't get flamed. I was afraid that I'd hear "if you think you need a nanny cam you should have fired her yesterday." or something.OPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-22137650028139660072009-04-03T04:23:00.000-04:002009-04-03T04:23:00.000-04:00just get the nanny cam..what choice do you have? Y...just get the nanny cam..what choice do you have? YOU HAVE TO KNOW AND NOW. isn't it just as simple as that? i'm totally feeling for you on this one. don't overthink it. get your evidence and proceed accordingly.You have to know!noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-33842456706787875202009-04-02T23:28:00.000-04:002009-04-02T23:28:00.000-04:00Definitely talk to her immediately, let her know y...Definitely talk to her immediately, let her know you're concerned. If she decides to leave: ok, better than worry about your kids' safety. If she stays, let her know you need to know you're on the same page when it comes to handling the children when they're disobedient.Mascha Koopmanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17099346481673622754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-74647207423689846502009-04-02T23:08:00.000-04:002009-04-02T23:08:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-23839176701590264382009-04-02T22:47:00.000-04:002009-04-02T22:47:00.000-04:00I don't like the idea of nanny cams in general, bu...I don't like the idea of nanny cams in general, but if a parent does suspect any kind of abuse, I don't see an issue with it, and I'd use one myself. Keep it up until you see what "bonking" is and then take it down. That way you can have your answer and be able to sleep at night.Nanny in SDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-55303882904012650942009-04-02T21:50:00.000-04:002009-04-02T21:50:00.000-04:00Okay. First thing to consider is that kids do not ...Okay. First thing to consider is that kids do not always tell the truth about things, especially if you lay out answers for them. such as, <BR/><BR/>"did nanny hit the child hard?" or "did she do this" (as you demonstrate with a doll or something)<BR/><BR/>because kids will fly with their imaginations that way. I hope you questioned them in a manner of "can you show me with this doll what she does" or "explain what you mean by bonk". Because if you plant ideas in children's minds they are likely to get carried away.<BR/><BR/>I recommend you first talk with your nanny. Its only respectful, in case nothing is going on. If you suspect she is lying, get a nanny cam. Use it for six months, because the nanny could suspect you doing just that if she is doing something wrong. <BR/><BR/>I'd say DO MORE then take preschoolers and toddlers words for it.do somethingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-55644868043583313842009-04-02T21:16:00.000-04:002009-04-02T21:16:00.000-04:00I would talk to your nanny about it. Mention that ...I would talk to your nanny about it. Mention that the kids had said something and you were curious what it meant.<BR/>I nanny for a 4 y.o and an almost 2 y.o. I "bonk" them into the wall as part of a game. I hold them and bump there their shoulders, feets, whatever into the wall-in a fun and completely harmless way. <BR/>It cheers them up and gets their minds off of the dreaded diaper change.<BR/>Talk to her first in an open, nonconfrontational way.MNannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-81199167710899309492009-04-02T21:02:00.000-04:002009-04-02T21:02:00.000-04:00Ok I'm confused. You don't need to tell her about ...Ok I'm confused. You don't need to tell her about the nannycam. Just put it in. Observe. And get the truth. It's not like she'll tell you if she's been up to no good.<BR/><BR/>And what is more devastating? Allowing your children to be hurt by keeping her; and letting them believe that is OK? Or, telling them she has to go because she was physically inappropriate? They'll get over it. I'd go with the first.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-88575402699119723842009-04-02T20:56:00.000-04:002009-04-02T20:56:00.000-04:00I say get the nanny cam, but you could also give y...I say get the nanny cam, but you could also give your older daughter a doll and ask her to show you what the nanny does with M. <BR/><BR/>I know that some of the games I play with my charges could sound abusive if described the wrong way. Like others have said, the word bonked makes me think it's more of a game. Or maybe he slammed his head once in the midst of a tantrum and the nanny tried to calm him by saying something like, "oops, you bonked your head, you're okay." and your daughter misunderstood.<BR/><BR/>I hope this is a misunderstanding and your instincts about this nanny are right. Let us know what happens!ChiNannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-53672217314702943532009-04-02T20:55:00.000-04:002009-04-02T20:55:00.000-04:00If you have previously had to reason to distrust t...If you have previously had to reason to distrust this nanny ... and your child doesn't have any bruises in the area of the "bonking" ... then I would trust what the nanny tells you when you confront her. <BR/><BR/>I've mentioned this on this blog before, but my 3 year old once told her mom that I pushed her down the stairs, when actually she had fallen. Another time her cousin was visiting and told her mom that I had hit her, which later it came out to mean I had forced her to take a nap. So beware that things do get exaggerated or misrepresented. It sound like your child was able to accurately describe this to you, but maybe there is a reasonable explanation. <BR/><BR/>I've also had grown adults "tattle on me." Ok, only one neighbor specifically. She told my employers that I put my charge in a dangerous situation ... which was her PERCEPTION, but my hand never left that child's body. <BR/><BR/>Confront the nanny, then assess the situation. You really don't have anything else to go on at this point, so don't stress about the maybe's just yet.Wicker Park Nannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-79360336877164029472009-04-02T20:51:00.000-04:002009-04-02T20:51:00.000-04:00I playfully spank my charges on the bottom and the...I playfully spank my charges on the bottom and they laugh, because it obviously doesn't hurt and I'm just joking around, but the little girl said to his dad "She hit me" while his dad saw me playfully spank her. He's always trusted me and knows I'd never hurt his kids. I'd say you talk to her directly about it and ask her what the boinking means. I think you're taking it way too seriously. But talk to her, be honest about your feelings. If she's a good person she'll understand why you're alarmed. It's only a natural thing.Vanessanoreply@blogger.com